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Takina's nightmares have always been the same: repetitive, tiring, never something new.
They play out like a loop. It begins with Takina finding herself back in Enkuboku. She's running, always running and always searching for the single door that separates her and the girl she tries so hard to reach, but never quite does.
It continues like usual, she enters the scene: Chisato lays on the floor, one foot on her neck, a bullet stuck in her left shoulder and a gun pointing on Chisato's head.
And just like every other time, the trigger is pulled.
Majima's hysterical laughter is the last thing Takina hears before she charges forward, screaming in agony.
Desperate hands try to stop the profuse bleeding, but it keeps on rushing, more and more, unnaturally so much more than it should have been. Takina proceeds to pick the body up and it falls limp against her own. “Chisato, Chisato, Chisato, wake up, Chisato!” She cries out the only name she knows, like a prayer on her lips, she waits for a miracle to occur.
“She's dead.”
A voice echoes through the room and suddenly he is there. Yoshimatsu is standing in front of her.
“How unfortunate. You weren’t able to save her. You missed your only chance at saving her.” With a wicked smile on his face he holds his hand over the neat line of stitches on his exposed chest, as if to provoke Takina further.
Anger seeps into Takina’s heart. She wants to grab her gun, but her body doesn’t seem to respond. She can’t move.
She stands frozen in place.
“You should've killed me.”
A gun is pulled out.
“You should've scratched this heart right out of me, just like you said. Right then and there.”
Footsteps are nearing.
“But you let me go. Like a fool.”
He is looming over her now.
“You disappoint me. I had high hopes for you, Takina-chan.”
Then there was a gun pointed at her head — and all Takina could hear was a click before her vision faded to black.
Takina wakes up with a gasp.
Her room is pitch black, unnerving and unbearable. The darkness is suffocating. She tries to move her arms, but they feel locked and heavy beside her, as if they're bound to the mattress. Flailing with her arms and legs, she tries to free herself from the invisible chains around her body, but they only seem to get tighter, and the more she resists, the harder it gets to breathe.
And all of a sudden a hand presses down against her chest, and another one encircles Takina's wrist, successfully keeping her at bay.
“Takina? Takina!” Takina looks up at the shout of her name and is immediately met with glowing red orbs staring intensely into her — and then she remembers in a flash: the blood splattering, the body dropping against her, the crimson filling her vision once again and it scares her to death. Takina blinks, and blinks again, again and again, trying to shake the grotesque image out of her sight, with no avail. Continuing to fight uselessly against the unaccustomed pressure holding her down, Takina screams out in pain “Let me go, let me go!”
“Relax, Takina. It's me, Chisato!”
The familiar voice rings sharply in Takina's head. When the name gradually begins to set into her mind, her breathing slows down as comprehension dawns on her; it's Chisato, Nishikigi Chisato, her partner, her beloved partner who she treasures above anything else — and the one who appeared in her dreams just now. Unpleasant memories rush through her like a wildfire once more.
“Chisato, Chisato—” Takina cries out and the name burns on Takina's tongue. She gasps for air, chest heaving, breaths quickening and heart rapidly pounding in her ear as she tries to reach out to the girl in front of her, seeking for soft skin. She needs to feel the confirmation, the confirmation of Chisato’s flesh against her own hands; the only proof that Chisato's alive and well and with her.
But Takina is stopped in the midst of it as she feels herself getting pulled into a loving embrace. Chisato's firm arms securely place themselves around Takina's frame, hugging her close.
“Takina, it's alright. Calm down. Try to breathe, I'm here. It's okay. You’re okay.” With Takina's mind running a mile per second, she can barely register the shakiness in Chisato's voice.
Moments of silence pass with only Takina's labored breathing to be heard. Chisato's fingers weave through Takina's long raven hair. Her other hand settles on drawing comfortable patterns around the small of Takina's back in attempts to ease the pain.
After the last lingering feeling of restlessness has left her body, Chisato completely expects Takina to pull away — and of course the ever so prideful girl does just that.
Takina weakly pushes at Chisato's shoulders to bring some distance between the two of them until they sit up to face each other.
“I'm fine now..” They both know she isn't. These nightmares have become a frequent occurrence to them and Chisato wonders if Takina has been having them for a long time now — long before she found her way back to Chisato between the many bushes and trees of Okinawa. A feeling of guilt pierces through her chest at the thought. It's a foreign feeling that Chisato is still not used to. Until now, all her life has revolved around the sole principle of living in the moment, without any regrets. She easily managed to get by in life with the fact that she had limited time to begin with through establishing the mindset that she had to live her life to the fullest, before she would eventually meet her dreadful end. Thus, she tried to make the most out of her remaining time; did everything she could while she still had the chance to, uncaring and aloof about how anyone else could possibly feel about her impulsive decisions. Because after all, what she wants to do was always her top priority. That's how it always was. It's all she has ever known.
But now it's different. Now — with Chisato's life unexpectedly extended, her life turned upside down. With all the new paths opening right before her, it's only natural that all the emotions she tried so hard to repress and push away are catching up to her and are coming to eat her up from inside out. It’s overwhelming and so, so scary. Chisato isn't sure if she's ready for it.
“I'm sorry.” Takina breaks the silence along with the flow of Chisato's thoughts. Chisato shoots her a quizzical look despite having an idea as to why she's apologizing.
“I'm sorry you have to see me like this.”
Takina's fingers find the spaces in between Chisato's own. She shifts closer to lean her head against the blonde girl's shoulder, because Takina can’t bear to look Chisato in the face right now. She knows that look in Chisato's eyes all too well, the one that tells her that she has something on her mind that burdens her, something she won’t say, or rather can't say.
No matter how badly Takina wishes that Chisato could be totally honest with her and speak her mind, Takina knows that would be hypocritical. Someone like Takina, who isn't even able to form a coherent sentence about how she feels herself, is definitely not fit to ask that of Chisato. In situations like these, Takina usually resorts to showing her emotions through actions. Being verbal was never Takina’s forte.
Nonetheless, she still tries.
“I know what you're thinking, Chisato. Please don't feel responsible for something that's entirely my—”
“I'm sorry too.” Chisato cuts her off in which Takina simply sighs.
“I told you, you've got nothing to apologize for.” Takina can’t see the expression on Chisato’s face with her head still on Chisato’s shoulder (and Chisato is secretly thankful that she can’t).
“I know you did, but still—” Chisato’s voice cracks and so does her heavy mask along with it. Takina looks up and is surprised when she notices the normally calm and composed girl fidgeting with the bedsheets beneath her, the crooked smile on her face that Takina thinks doesn't belong there at all. Chisato has never slipped like this in the year and a half that she has known her. This is completely new territory to Takina, and she ponders for a moment on how to deal with it. Ultimately, she decides to give Chisato's hands a light squeeze, signaling reassurance, and for her to go on. Chisato tightens her grip on Takina's hand and inhales deeply.
“I'm sorry for leaving you so suddenly, for not being there for you when you've had it this hard all the time. I didn’t think about how it would affect you. I'm sorry. I know I was selfish.”
At the revelation, Takina frowns.
Admittedly, Takina was upset when she first found out that Chisato had left without a single trace. And there were endless things that could've been done differently and could've saved Takina the heartbreak, the confusion and the hassles of her search. But over the many months, Takina has also learned that they were both just suffering in their own ways, that some alone time might have been exactly what they needed at the time. So the initial frustration she felt back then has already worn off completely.
“There's no need for you to feel that way, really. I know you had your own reasons. And it's due to my own weakness that I am like this.” Takina sits back up to face Chisato properly now. Her amethyst eyes shimmer with so much tenderness and determination, and for a second, Chisato is at loss for words. The younger girl leans forward to press their foreheads together, their noses touch and their fingers still intertwined.
“So please don't worry about it. Because you’re here with me now, aren’t you? I'll get through this if it's with you by my side.”
Chisato feels Takina's breath hovering over her own. The confession leaves her head reeling. The dam she has so safely built up for over a decade threatens to spill over as she looks Takina in the eyes and it all hits her. Takina who bares herself before her, Takina who actually cares so much more for her than she lets on, Takina who's saved her countless times. Oh so sweet, forgiving, ambitious and accepting Takina who indulges Chisato in all her silly antics and embraces all of Chisato's flaws that Chisato herself can't ever seem to do.
All these long dormant feelings come crashing down on Chisato and stab her right through her false heart.
Oh, I get it now.
Chisato has loved Takina all along. She's sure of it. And she's never been so sure of something throughout her whole life. She can only giggle softly at the realization, breaking the tension between them. Chisato lets her head drop in an attempt to stop the last drop of vulnerability from leaking out of her to Takina. “Aren't I supposed to be the one who's comforting you right now? Geez, Takina, you've matured quite a bit.” Takina appreciates Chisato's attempt to lift the heavy atmosphere up to their usual banter.
“I guess that's normal considering we've been apart for five months.” The lightness in Takina's voice indicates that it's clearly meant to be a joke, but Chisato can't help but feel the remnants of guilt rippling inside of her. Her feigned laughter comes a second too late, completely giving her away. Takina gives her hand another squeeze in understanding.
“I mean it. You're plenty of comfort.”
Takina's voice is laced with a seriousness that she's never heard before. Curious as ever, Chisato dares to look up and is met with a sight so beautiful, her mechanical heart threatens to burst into pieces (she silently asks herself if it would be hammering against her ribcage right now, if it were real). She's met with Takina's face, her sharp features illuminated by a single ray of moonlight that managed to shine through the curtains, unkempt hair framing her face and a heartfelt smile adorning her lips which silently tells Chisato that it's okay, they're gonna be okay. Takina looks tired and exhausted with the small eyebags under her eyes, but Chisato doesn't mind, she believes it makes her look more etheral, even. She looks so sincere, so fragile, and so human, much more human than Chisato could ever wish to be. It's a sight so gentle and domestic that Chisato wonders — utterly awestruck — what good she has ever done for the other girl to deserve such kindness. (Little does she know.)
As if possessed by her newly found feelings — Chisato cups Takina's face with both of her hands. Her fingers stroke her partner's left cheek absentmindedly. She's lost in thought. Thinking back at the time of when they first met: the huge bandaid on that same left cheek, but instead of Takina's smile she was met with her stoic face. She thinks about how much the girl has changed, thinks about how grateful she is to have met her.
Nishikigi Chisato cannot even fathom imagining to miss out on Inoue Takina.
Chisato is so caught up in the moment, so she does the thing she's been unknowingly wanting to do for what feels like ages now. So without thinking, she boldly leans in to press a soft kiss on the corner of the other girl's lips.
An offer of some sorts, an invitation and a question all the same.
And Takina doesn't resist, quite the opposite, she accepts it wholeheartedly. She kisses her back, but this time on the mouth. Relief washes over Chisato like a flood.
Warmth blossoms in Chisato's steel-cold heart as their lips brush against each other. Takina's lips feel almost silken against her. They're hesitant and tentative at first, starting out with pecks that don't last longer than a second. Chisato wants to ask Takina if she wants to stop and make sure if it’s too much. It was their first kiss after all.
But Chisato is completely taken by surprise when Takina grabs her by the collar of her shirt to drag Chisato back into her until their lips meet in a full kiss. Takina slightly tilts her head so she can press herself even closer to Chisato, if that is even humanly possible. She feels the tickle of Takina's breath beneath her nose, feels Takina's hands finding purchase on her waist, Takina's fingers digging into her shirt, so harshly, as if to keep Chisato in place, as if to keep Chisato from running off any minute, to the point she can even feel Takina's nails on her skin through the light fabric of her garments. All the new sensations leave Chisato dizzy and wanting for more.
For the first time in Chisato's life, she craves for more.
So she allows herself to be greedy. Chisato's arms lock themselves around Takina's neck as she returns the heated kiss with such fervour, it makes them breathless. Love and affection all but consume Chisato whole as they move against each other so smoothly, as if they have both been waiting for this moment all their lives.
When they finally separate, Chisato notices the heavy pink blush on Takina's face that reaches all the way up to the tips of her ears. She looks mesmerizing like this: swollen lips parted while she tries to catch her breath and dazed half-lidded eyes staring right back at her.
Under Chisato's heavy gaze, Takina feels too exposed — it makes her feel oddly shy. Looking for a way to escape the attention, she nuzzles her face into the crook of Chisato's neck, then slowly moves up to pepper small kisses along the side of her jaw. “We'll have to talk about this later.” Takina's voice is barely above a whisper against the shell of her ear. The older girl would've missed the message if it weren't for their close proximity. She chuckles in response. It's so typical of Takina to worry about the smallest things during their most intimate moments. Chisato thinks it's adorable.
“And we will. But for now—” Chisato cuts herself off and throws herself back onto the soft cushions of their shared bed. Takina lets out a surprised yelp as two arms wrap around her neck to tug her down. They both can’t help but burst into a fit of laughter. All the previous tension dissipates into thin air.
“For now, let's sleep it off. You know cute girls like us need their beauty sleep.” It's the last thing Chisato says before they drift off to sleep again, with their bodies nestled against each other.
Unspoken words of I love you's still openly hang in the air, but there is no need to rush. Everything will be alright, because Takina and Chisato will figure it out, together.