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Robin and Steve are arguing the merits of the book the dragon had managed to acquire on his most recent trip to a human settlement. Books were still on the rare and valuable side, but the invention of the printing press a few decades prior meant that at least they weren't all religious texts anymore. This particular book had been a thick tome, a collection of the legends of a local noble bandit. Whether or not it was any good was up for debate, and what Robin was currently arguing while she worked on trying out painting. She needs something to pass the time. Maybe painting can be a new distraction.
Suddenly Steve trailed off and huffed. "Another knight?" Robin asked the dragon with a sigh, staring at the canvas thoughtfully. Steve nodded his massive head, shuffling back from the tower where Robin lived.
"One moment, I'll chase him off." He rumbled, spinning in place and trotting to the gates of the stolen castle. Robin waved distractedly, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she stared at the flowers she was painting.
OoOoO
Nancy shifted calmly on in her saddle as the form of the grand dragon approached, patting her horse on the neck soothingly. Between the experimental crossbow she had ready in her lap and the enchanted rapier at her hip she was…reasonably confident in her odds of beating this dragon.
Admittedly the Midwest Dragon was unusually bold and strong for his ilk, but, well…Nancy hadn't really seen another choice. Her father, Emperor Theodore, had been quite clear. If Nancy was to be a Princess Knight, then she was to go on a quest and bring back a spouse. He'd even provided a list of known nobility in distress.
But, well…mother was sick, and Nancy suspected that her father had been less than thorough and clear in his instructions when he'd had the list compiled for her. Likely he had only requested the list, without qualifiers, maybe without even telling the scribes why he wanted it. And that left Nancy with an opening.
As the Crown Princess there was a limit to how far she could travel from the Empire’s borders alone. And one didn’t go on quests for a spouse with a party. It just wasn’t done. On the list, there were two candidates that Nancy felt were reasonably close enough to travel to on her own without risking her mother’s wrath. William Byers was the youngest son of a minor house, far too young for her to begin with, and quite frankly her little brother Michael would kill her if she saved William before he could. So not eligible, in other words.
Princess Robin, on the other hand, was a fellow Crown Princess. Admittedly, her kingdom was small and exclusively produced crops in terms of resources, but that wasn’t important. What was important was that she was Nancy’s age, had been stuck in an isolated castle long enough that even if she wasn’t… like Nancy she might still be down for a marriage, and she was of equivalent rank on paper.
And so here she was, outside of the Midwest Dragon’s castle, waiting. The massive head of the dragon, the color of dirty gold, loomed over the walls. “Leave.” It said simply. Nancy braced herself, shifting as she looked it over for any weakness larger than an eye. Nothing. Well, nothing obvious on its face or upper neck at any rate. She supposed that made sense. It wouldn’t have lasted this long with an easily exploitable weakness.
“Not doing that!” Nancy called out. “Sorry!” The dragon blinked at the sound of her voice, then its nostrils flared. It blinked again, rearing back in startlement. Nancy blinked, wondering what she’d done.
“One moment, excuse me.” The dragon said quickly, pulling back. Nancy stared in bemusement as the dragon hurried away. What the hell was that about?
OoOoO
Robin was still painting when Steve returned. “That was quick, did he run off at the first sight of…”
“It’s a woman.” Steve blurted. Robin froze, paintbrush dripping paint on the floor.
“What?” She asked, head whipping to stare at him.
“It’s a Lady Knight .” Steve hissed, eyes wide with panic. Robin licked her lips nervously. That…well…they weren’t prepared for that. Lady Knights were so rare that Robin hadn’t really counted on the possibility that one would come for her. They didn’t have a plan on what to do if one did show up. “What do I do?”
“Is she pretty?” Robin demanded.
“She’s wearing full plate armor! I don’t know!” Steve huffed.
“What’s her name?”
“I don’t know! We don’t usually bother to find out who these guys are, I forgot to ask! She talked back to me, then I smelled her, and I ran back to you!”
“Well go find out!” Robin demanded, waving frantically at the front of the castle. “I’m not going to marry just any woman!” Steve nodded quickly.
“Right, right.” He murmured absently, whirling around and heading back.
OoOoO
Nancy had waited for the dragon to return for a few seconds, wary of a trap or ambush, then slowly urged her horse forward across the bridge to the castle. She made it most of the way before the dragon returned and she stopped again. This close was a bit…less good, but she could make do. Hopefully.
“Uhm…” The dragon began, and Nancy blinked again at the sheer uncertainty in its voice. What on earth was going on? “Who are you, exactly?” Oh. Well, that was easy enough.
“Crown Princess Nancy Wheeler, of the Indiana Empire.” She said confidently. The dragon nodded quickly.
“Right. Crown Princess Nancy Wheeler. Got it.” It said before withdrawing again. Nancy blinked again .
Seriously, what the fuck was going on?
OoOoO
“Crown Princess Nancy Wheeler.” Steve blurted, sticking his head back in the window.
“No way.” Robin spluttered, staring at him. “Uh uh. No way. Everyone knows Princess Nancy is a perfect little priss who…”
“Didn’t Indiana get invaded by monsters a couple of years ago? Pretty sure the capital got hit pretty bad.” Steve interjected. Robin’s mouth snapped shut, mulling it over. That did sound right. And if it was, then that could explain the Crown Princess of Indiana deciding to take up arms. “Plus, she didn’t smell like she was lying.” Steve added. Robin huffed. Dragons had a pretty good sense for when humans were lying to them. Not perfect, but lying about their identity was a pretty big one. So it probably was Nancy Wheeler.
It took a moment for that to sink in, but once it did the thought of Nancy Wheeler coming to ‘rescue’ her, to claim her as a bride, made Robin fall off her stool, splattering paint everywhere.
“Oh god…she’s way too beautiful.” She’d seen the Princess on occasion. Her kingdom bordered Indiana, and from time to time she’d be brought to formal balls or other such events where her absence would stick out. “Oh god…oh god she’s way too beautiful. Steve, what do I do?”
“I don’t know! What are you asking me for?”
“I don’t know how to talk to women!”
“Neither do I!”
“You’re talking to me right now!”
“We’re not flirting!”
OoOoO
About a minute after the dragon’s departure, Nancy had huffed and scaled the castle walls. It wasn’t ideal, she was a sitting duck if the dragon decided to return, but honestly she wasn’t waiting for…whatever was going on to resolve itself.
Once she was atop the walls it was easy enough to get down into the courtyard, and Nancy stared in bemusement. The Midwest Dragon was hissing into the window of the tallest tower of the keep, shifting…anxiously on its feet as it seemed to converse with someone. Okay, either Jane Hopper had enchanted her rapier way better than the younger girl had admitted, or there was something else going on here.
Well, she wasn’t going to complain about not having to fight a dragon.
Nancy made it about halfway across the courtyard before the dragon’s head whipped down to stare at her in shock and alarm. She waved at him, raising an eyebrow under her helm, and the dragon blinked before whipping its head back to the window. Nancy rocked on her heels for a few seconds, waiting to see if it’d do anything else, then shrugged and headed inside the keep. She really didn’t understand anything , but hey, if everything went as planned it’d be a pretty boring quest. Better boring than deadly she supposed.
She made it up the stairs, grumbling about plate armor the whole way. This stuff really wasn’t meant for all the climbing she’d had to do. But such was the perils of being a knight. Better than the chainmail…swimwear that adorned the heroines of Michael’s trashy ‘novels’ she supposed.
The dragon’s odd behavior at least meant Nancy didn’t have to check every single room for Princess Robin. That was something she’d always mused about, how long it took for the triumphant knight and their damsel to find each other after the defeat of whatever owned the castle. This was easier.
She opened the door to the room at the top of the castle to find a tall, gangly, young woman in breeches and tunic lying on the bed, eyes tightly closed and holding a flower on her chest. Nancy crossed the room to stare down at her would-be bride's freckled face, then glanced at the dragon, who was still there and…staring at her expectantly. “She’s under a sleeping curse. You’ll need to kiss her to wake her up.” It said, sounding awkward. Nancy blinked, then looked at the half finished painting of the flower Princess Robin was holding, and at the freshly splattered paint on the floors and walls nearest the canvas.
“Uh-huh.” She said, dryly. “Who were you talking to then?”
“Just because she’s asleep that doesn’t mean I can’t talk to her.” The dragon said indignantly. “I get lonely here.” Nancy was pretty sure Robin’s shoulders briefly shook with a laugh.
“...and the painting?”
“I can do delicate work! Dragons have lots of magic.” The Midwest Dragon huffed. Okay, Robin had definitely snorted there. Nancy huffed and took her helmet off. Maybe her brother had painted something inside of it to drug her, this was just too weird. She needed to breathe better so she could think clearly. “Oh.” The dragon said quietly. “You are way too beautiful. Are you Fae or something?” Nancy dropped the helmet and glared, putting her hands on her hips.
“Okay, what in the fuck is going on here?” She demanded. “Is this some trick my mother got a witch to play or something? A test or a trap in case I went for a wife rather than a husband like I know my father was thinking? Cause let me just say, that this is not funny and…”
“Could you just kiss me already?” Robin interjected. Nancy’s breath caught and she stared at the source of the lovely, somewhat raspy, voice.
“Oh…you…don’t mind that I’m a princess too?” She asked hesitantly, suddenly nervous. Robin laughed.
“Are you kidding me? I’m thrilled! That’s why the dingus has been chasing off all the men who came for me.” She jerked a thumb at the dragon, who muttered in protest at the strange insult but otherwise stayed quiet. “And uhm…he’s right. You’re really pretty. This is kind of the dream for me, but I’m gonna need you to seal it with a kiss. It’s, like…tradition in my kingdom.” Nancy raised an eyebrow at that. She had done research on the Buck Ley Kingdom, just in case there were any proposal traditions that needed to be followed. There was no tradition about kissing before betrothal. Or after, for that matter, since some kingdoms considered the rescue itself betrothal.
“No, seriously.” Robin protested, though she was blushing cutely and squirming on the bed. “It’s, like, a test of compatibility, a demonstration of passion and interest, and…and…” Nancy rolled her eyes and ducked down, shutting the taller girl up with a forceful, determined kiss. She felt a flash of panic when Robin stiffened beneath her, then felt herself blush when a content, delighted groan slipped out of Robin’s mouth and they mutually deepened the kiss. They broke apart slowly, and the dark, husky look in Robin’s eyes took Nancy’s breath away. “Sex right now is also a tradition in my kingdom.” Robin purred.
“Robin!” The dragon protested, shock and dismay in his voice. Nancy just laughed however, lightly tapping her on the nose.
“Nice try Princess. I’m afraid that my people have the opposite tradition.” She teased. “Kissing is all you’re getting.”
“Well, I better get more then.” Robin growled, and Nancy gave a delighted laugh and obliged her.
Weirdest quest ever.
Best quest ever.