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In a wing of the Thunder Master's Palace in the Heavenly Capital, three gods gathered once again, not to deal with official business, but to chat about the regrets they had inside.
Jiang Cheng sighed, taking a glass of wine, he felt a little tired at this moment, even if his body was immortal now.
While he was here, he thought back to those times, when he was a mortal with small problems, but at that time he found it suffocating.
When he studied at Gusu, he would meet with Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian in the evenings, then they would invite the rest of the disciples to drink and play, skipping the curfew of the Lan sect.
They were all a bunch of teenagers back then, one erotic art book was enough for the hormonal boys to blush and start talking about who was prettier than who and which drawing was better than the other.
After that, they played while drinking, talking about meaningless things until they reckoned that the sun would rise soon, and with the sun, the Lan would also rise, so they all left, and only the three of them were left in the room.
Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian would go to sleep, leaving Jiang Cheng to clean up the mess left behind. As he did those things, he would think about the reprimands he would receive if his parents ever found out about the things they did that broke the established rules.
Jiang Cheng would end up sitting on his bed, looking out the window next to him as the sunlight was about to rise. At that time, he would start thinking about the things he would have to do for the day as he closed his eyes to meditate.
He would have to train, take a bath, eat breakfast, go to class, eat lunch, do homework, train again, eat dinner, and finally return to his room.
It wasn't an interesting itinerary, and he certainly got bored after doing it every day, but at least this time was a respite from the problems at home, he wouldn't have to think about his mother's nagging or his father's disappointment, he simply had to complete the assignments and keep quiet.
Then his father arrived to bring Wei Wuxian and take him back to the sect.
There was not even a scolding directed at his shixiong, even if the guy ended up with the engagement his Jie had been preparing for all her life. But Jiang Fengmian looked at Jiang Cheng before leaving and told him that he could not let the sect down.
That same night, he received a letter from his mother, in which she told him that he should be quiet and obedient from now on and that the image of the sect depended entirely on him.
He probably should have felt good, glad to have obligations of his own that did not involve Wei Wuxian, but he only felt pressured.
So he did as he was told, kept very quiet, and was very obedient: handing in his neatly done chores and refusing the boys' nightly outings.
He started training harder too, now that he didn't have to get ready so early because of having to drag Wei Wuxian out of bed in the mornings, he could devote that time to practicing his sword forms before going to breakfast.
In the evenings, now that there wasn't an annoying person making up crazy theories around him with the lamps on, he could use that time to meditate in his bed, strengthening his mediocre cultivation with much effort.
Jiang Cheng was even happier with this new routine, but he discovered that it was not sustainable for his body. Rather, someone else discovered it for him.
"Young Master Jiang."
"Is there a problem, Master Lan?"
Lan Qiren sighed, hands folded behind his back as he looked at him.
"You haven't been sleeping well, have you?"
Jiang Cheng was surprised that anyone would notice that, since he slept at least two days a week and meditation took away his tiredness.
"Why do you say that?"
Likewise, he played dumb.
"You're young, your body needs proper care."
Lan Qiren sat next to him, he was currently in the Library Pavilion, finishing one of the assignments left from the morning classes.
The man continued speaking, "When you are young, you think that you should satisfy with your parent's wishes at all times, that's what you think too, or am I wrong?"
Jiang Cheng nod agreement, that was just what he thought, "Isn't it part of filial piety? It's because of my parents that I'm here, shouldn't I repay it somehow?"
Though he wasn't doing as well as his parents would hope, that's for sure.
Jiang Yanli was already a perfect lady, ready for marriage their parents would find fulfilling. Wei Wuxian was already the best in his father's eyes. But Jiang Cheng was not yet someone satisfactory to his parents.
That was why he had to try harder.
"That's how people look at it, but you are your own person, why should you do what others want by ignoring your desires?"
Oh, Jiang Cheng didn't expect to talk about this someday, much less with a person like Lan Qiren.
"What if my desire is for my parents to be satisfied with me?"
A warm hand rested on his shoulder, patting stiffly, but strangely affectionate.
"And when your parents die, who are you going to satisfy?"
That... he hadn't thought of that yet. But his parents were still young, they wouldn't die soon.
"I must be a proper leader then. To satisfy the needs of my people."
Lan Qiren sighed again, "Long ago, I looked up to my brother, I wanted to be like him and I wanted to be someone useful, both to him and to the sect. But my brother told me that wasn't a good thing."
"Why isn't it?"
"Because then my life would depend on his. He ended up doing it anyway, though."
Pressured into acquiring a leadership position when he was never trained for such an occupation, raising two children who were not his own, and all because of someone else's actions.
"Even when I love my sect and everything in it, I would have liked to be freer in my decisions, but fate didn't want that, so I couldn't complain. But you can still do it."
"Master Lan, even so, I still want to follow my parents' opinions. At this point, I think there is no return for me anymore. I made up my mind many years ago, and I will only be satisfied if I comply with their commands."
The older man nodded with understanding, "You made your decision, if you ever regret it, I would like to know what changed your mind."
Until today, Jiang Cheng had not realized it, but...
"...I really regret it."
Liu Qingge and Mu Qing looked at him, the gods had been in the Heavenly Court for much longer. He had only just arrived a few months ago, he hadn't even been able to bring Jin Ling with him yet.
"We all regret something, there is no life without regrets," Liu Qingge said those words as he played with a bamboo leaf he made with his qi.
The man was really regretful that he had not listened to a shixiong he had in his mortal life. He was prejudiced and reacted angrily to every little gossip he was told about that shixiong.
So similar to Jiang Cheng. But also different.
Despite being angry and furious, Liu Qingge never raised his sword against his shixiong with the intent to murder him. It was only when his qi was deflected that he actually wounded the other with bloodlust.
"Even if you regret it, it's better to let it go," Mu Qing was another somewhat similar case, but in his case, he was the one who was accused.
It all boiled down to misunderstandings after all.
Jiang Cheng could have avoided those misunderstandings if he hadn't been so blinded by his eagerness to become the perfect heir his parents were looking for. If he had accepted his concern for Wei Wuxian instead of thinking about the repercussions against the sect.
When they all died, he even thought it was better to die.
It was until much later that he realized that his life had been depending on others, never listening to what he really wanted to do.
Jiang Cheng watched as Mu Qing and Liu Qingge began another of their silly fights and sighed.
"I'm going down for a moment, you guys go on, but don't destroy anything."
He only received vague answers, so he decided to go down to the mortal realm.
He arrived at Gusu Lan and looked at the shocked disciple standing guard at the entrance.
"I want to see Master Qiren."
"Jiang Sect Leader?"
Fortunately, being a Lan, the disciple knew how to shut his mouth and ushered him into a guest room.
Lan Qiren entered a few moments later when a tea set had already been served. The man stared at him before taking a seat across from him.
"You asked me the reason for receiving a visit from a celestial official."
"Master Lan," he began, looking at one of the wisest men he had ever met, "I really regret it."
The man's eyes widened with both surprise and understanding.
"What is the reason?"
"I simply held myself back, ignored my problems, and hid them, that got me nowhere, but now, when I decided to give myself some time to myself, I actually ascended to the heavenly realm."
He had done so to clear his thoughts, after everything that had happened, he really needed time for himself, and then, he opened his eyes in the Celestial Capital.
"Congratulations then, Jiang Wanyin."
"I prefer just Jiang Cheng now, Master Lan."
"I see," Lan Qiren nodded.
After so many years, Jiang Cheng finally understood, his decisions should be his alone. He should think about himself and not so much about what others wanted.
Jiang Cheng smiled.
He was finally free.