Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I don't know if I've ever said this properly, but... I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble. When I gave you my photo album... I really did want you to have it. But somehow... whenever I try to help... I always end up burdening you instead. Even back then...”

“I want to say that everything will be okay. That we have no choice but to carry on. But... that's up to you.”

“Aubrey, Kel and Hero are good friends. You have to trust that they'll forgive us. It's hard to truly believe that... but...”

*

“You can do this, Sunny. You've worked really hard to get to this point... There's only one thing left to do now. Know that I'll always be watching over you, okay? As long as you remember me, I'll be here...”

*

“What happens next is going to be your call.”

“But we're here for you because you want us to be.”

“And... We really hope that this isn't goodbye.”

*

“I have to tell you something.”

 Sunny expected the reactions, but it still hurt to see. He couldn't blame them, they had every right to react the way they truly felt like. Maybe, with time, they'd accept him, maybe they wouldn't, but at least he finally told them. Finally, he let go of that horrible secret he was carrying, and along with himself, he freed Basil from it too.

Maybe now, Aubrey can finally find some peace, not having to wonder why the person she considered an older sister 'took her own life', leaving her behind like this with no words for closure.

Maybe now, Kel will stop trying to always act like everything's fine and that he's happy for the sake of others, ignoring his own troubles because he thinks the others have a harder time than him.

 Maybe now, Hero will finally allow himself to truly connect with others, without the fear and dread of something like what had supposedly happened before repeating itself. He knew now, that he was not responsible for Mari's death, so he had nothing holding him back anymore.

 And Basil, he no longer had to keep such a horrible secret for the sake of someone. He had a chance to fix his life, a chance to breathe properly. Even if it was going to be hard for him, because he'd have to stay behind, in the same place he had lost all those people he held dear to him once. And now, he had lost his grandmother too.

 Sunny walked closer to his bed, any leftover tears frozen in the corner of his remaining eye. Basil heard him and reluctantly opened his eyes. His face held some bruises, the leftover evidence of Sunny's struggle and attempt to pry himself free of him, only to be met by the garden shears. Basil opened his tired eyes and looked back at him and Sunny greeted him with a small but the most honest smile he had managed to wear on his face in years.

 Basil smiled back. He knew, they were free. Sunny walked closer to him when he saw him struggling to sit up, but couldn't. The tears came again, for the both of them and melted into a hug that held as much relief as it did helplessness. And then a new promise was made.

“Sunny... Can you promise... this isn't goodbye?”

“I promise,” Sunny managed.

*

 It'd already been three months after moving away. Sunny looked at his reflection, studying it. He still hadn't managed to tell the truth to his mother, and there was no connection between himself and either Aubrey, Kel or Hero. With Basil, they had only spoken once, and that was because his family had been in contact with his mother after how Basil had injured him; she didn't want Sunny to be in any sort of contact with him. But at least he had managed to keep the flower that was sent to him by Basil, and the card inside was something he kept hidden underneath the contents of one of his nightstand's drawers.

 The flower was a beautiful shade of purple, rich and deep in color, accentuated by bright yellow specks towards the center. “Irises are the carriers of many meanings, mainly hope and the message of promises. I hope you're doing okay, Sunny”

 Sunny had read the small card more times than he could count, examining each word as if a new one would replace it the more he looked at it. 'I hope you're doing okay'. Sunny was wondering that himself. He was supposed to be doing better, he was trying, but it was to no avail. His routine was more or less the same, with the only difference that this time he accompanied his mother outside and on the good days he went out on his own, either for a walk or to just sit down at the park and watch people... being people.

 That's what he was doing tonight, too. He was seated on a wooden bench, carefully avoiding the rough spots that had given him splinters a couple of times. The same markings decorated it, something that resembled a graffiti with an arrow and a small carving of two initials. He wondered how long it'd been for the bench to be occupied by these things, and how long it'd still look the same for. In a way, it reminded him of himself: rooted in the same place, unchanging.

 There was a small sale happening near him, filled with used books. An old man was going through them, trying not to drop the ones he'd already picked up to buy, tucking them tightly under his arm. To his left, he could see the figure of a woman inside the bus, staring into space as she waited for it to start moving. Some kids were playing a little further away from him, trying to climb up the street lamp while giggling loudly. A couple smiled, holding their hands and swinging them left and right before they exchanged a tender kiss.

 There was simplicity in all of this, yet Sunny was jealous. Would he ever lose himself in little moments like this? Enjoy being bored in the “monotony” people were usually afraid of, and let himself relax after a long and tiring day, feeling proud of himself for trying hard? It sounded like something unreachable, unattainable, and that... scared him. It made him lose all that hope he had thought he had managed to find after coming clean.

 Would he ever succeed in truly healing? Would others ever be able to connect with someone as broken as he was? And what if they were willing, and then Sunny told them what had happened to his sister? They'd surely run away. If those he grew up with weren't willing to understand or ever forgive him, why would someone else do it instead?

 The pile of negative thoughts grew bigger by the day. Who was he kidding? He was still the same. He still felt like a lost child, and that's what he was, a lost case, doomed to forever feel the way he felt. Even at the few moments he caught himself smiling, the sense of that impending doom returned, telling him he'd never feel truly happy. Even if one day he managed to forgive himself, like he decided to give himself the chance to do at the hospital, he had still caused his sister's death and that ruined something inside him beyond repair.

And one day, he decided he couldn't do it anymore. Waiting to feel better felt impossible anymore.

 The sun was beginning to rise, painting the sky in vibrant hues of orange as the sky lightened up. He tried to engrave the image in his mind, thinking of how Basil would've liked to take a picture of it right now. Aubrey would say how it reminded her of the days they had to get up early for school because they had to catch the bus. Kel would still be snoring after a day full of video games, guilty of sneaking out with Sunny, and Hero and Mari would get them to wake up in time, pretending to not know of the mischief they were up to the previous night.

 Sunny looked at the sky one more time, the last time. He went to the kitchen and prepared his mother some breakfast. He fried her two eggs and cut up a banana in small bits, accompanying them with a few blueberries she had bought recently. She was trying to make their diet a bit more healthy since last month, in hopes that Sunny got the appropriate amounts of nutrients his body needed despite how little he could eat.

 His mother had been trying, and trying and trying... To get him to speak more, to make new friends and socialize in general, to feel a bit better, but Sunny could only do so much. Would she cry when she found him? Would she stay sad for long? He hopes she doesn't, but at the same time he can't bring himself to care enough to stay around and continue to struggle.

“...Sunny?” His mother said in a groggy voice, before clearing her throat. The sizzling sound of the oil must've woken her up, but it was okay. She had to leave for work in a bit.

“Good morning,” Sunny greeted, turning the stove off.

“Good morning. I didn't think you'd be up this early... You're making breakfast?” She huffed a small sleepy smile.

“I thought I'd help you for once...” Sunny replied, emptying the eggs carefully on a plate.

“That's for me?” His mother stepped closer. “Aw, Sunny. Thank you,” she said sweetly, resting a hand on his shoulder and rubbed circles with a thumb. “You're saving me lots of time, you know? I'll go get dressed up,” she said, earning a small nod before she left to head for her bedroom.

 Breakfast was ready, Sunny sat down after placing everything on the table and waited. He wasn't nervous, just tranquil. He was doing the right thing. He just couldn't see any way out of feeling like this, and maybe, even if he got that one day, it'd still feel like not enough. He didn't want to meet the future, he had decided.

“Look at all this,” his mother awed when she made it back, taking a seat. “Are you trying to bribe me for some of these donuts you liked so much last time?” She arched a brow.

Sunny smiled at her attempt to sound cheeky. “...What time are you coming back today?”

“Hopefully by four,” she sighed. “...Do you think maybe we can talk about school today, sweetie?”

“Sure...”

I'm sorry, mom. I'm lying to you again.

“No pressure. We don't have to rush anything, alright? We'll figure everything out,” she promised. And then she looked skeptical about something, but she never added anything else.

 Sunny took a few bites of his own, pleased to see he had done a good job, seeing how quickly his mother ate everything. “It's been getting colder lately. I better see what we can do about the broken radiator. We'll have to get that fixed soon.”

 Sunny let out a small absent-minded hum and stared at the way the egg yolk covered the white part once he pressed the fork into it. He always found that color pretty. “Are you cold? We can turn on the AC if you want,” his mother continued.

“No, it's okay,” Sunny assured.

“Okay then,” his mother checked the clock on th wall. “Oh, look at the time! I better get going, dear.”

 Sunny gave a nod and watched her put on her coat, grabbing her own pair of keys. She saw Sunny walking her to the door and smiled gently, giving him a small kiss on the top of his head before patting it. “I'll see you later.”

Sunny held her gaze, and after hesitating for just a moment, he spoke. “Bye, mom...”

 He watched her walk to the white car, entering and closing the door to her left and the loud noise of the car engine echoed for a second after she turned the keys on the ignition. Sunny remained by the door, looking at the small smile she gave him before she drove off, leaving him behind.

 After a few more seconds, Sunny closed the door behind him and started cleaning up the kitchen table. He washed the cup with the remaining coffee and washed the two plates, letting them dry by the sink. He then stayed still for a while, with a hand on top of the counter, thinking. Was he having doubts? Was he not sure? That couldn't be it...

 He opened up one of the drawers and grabbed the kitchen knife, and headed to his bedroom. The sky was an even brighter blue now, and there was a pleasant chilly breeze coming through the window. The pain didn't scare him that much, but he did hope it didn't take long for him to be out. It was cruel for his mother, but maybe if she knew the truth too, she'd tell him on her own to do this.

 Placing the knife on the bed, Sunny walked closer to the irises by his bed. Their bright color neverchanging. He opened the drawer underneath and took out the familiar card and the letter he'd prepared so many nights before. At least, even after he was gone, his mother deserved to know the truth.

He read the card again.

“Irises are the carriers of many meanings, mainly hope and the message of promises. I hope you're doing okay, Sunny”

“I'm sorry, Basil. I'm breaking my promise to you again.”

 Sunny picked the knife in his hands and sat down on the floor, with his back against the bed side. He did it swiftly.

 It burnt. His breath caught on his throat and his stomach felt like it was on fire. He couldn't move his hands, he kept holding onto the handle as if his hands were rooted to it. He let out a strangled cry and tried to push it further into him, blood oozing from the wound, but his body was growing cold, or at least that's what it felt like; he could barely feel the warm liquid on his fingertips.

 Finally, he let go of the knife, every breath feeling like an ice pick stabbing him everywhere at the same time. He was nauseous from the pain, and as the seconds passed, the more lightheaded he became.

 Until he collapsed to his left, and the impact sent another wave of pure unfiltered pain throughout his body, making him whimper. He struggled to breathe, and tried to avoid doing it as every gasp of air reminded him of the blade that was imbedded into his body.

 The world was caving in, a dark vigniette surrounding his peripheral as yellow painted his vision. His shirt was damp, its original bright color now crimson with every bit of blood that escaped his body. The air felt too thick for his lungs, reminding him how close he was to the end.

 But he didn't feel peaceful like he had expected to. Even in his last moments, he felt inept, inadequate. He was sorry for not trying harder, if not for himself, then for those around him that still cared. His mother cared, Basil cared. Mari would have been so disappointed to see him give up again like this. It looked like some things never changed. Always going for the easy way out. Maybe this was a mistake. Another mistake, another one he couldn't undo.

 He coudn't even hear himself breathe anymore, everything was muffled, his remaining eye struggled to stay open. The pain felt as if it was subsiding as his body shut down. It was too late for regrets now. Sunny was about to close his eye when the high shrill of a familiar phone rang. His mother's phone. Did she forget to take it with her? He had no time to ponder a lot about that, the corner of his eye caught something purple falling on the floor, withered and tattered. Sunny dragged his eye upwards, watching as his friend's last gift to him lost all life, mirroring him, and then the blackness claimed him.

* * * * * *

 Quiet. And then loud constant sounds. Something that occasionally hightened in frequency only to echo as if they were underwater. He couldn't understand what it was, but it was there everytime he felt himself drifting further and further away, like a reminder. It felt like he was being tugged on by something only for the pull to ease and turn into a sensation as if he was being consumed by the floor.

 In all this darkness, he heard distant voices, but he couldn't make out any words. And then in a daze, he turned to his side again, but there was no pain this time. In fact, he felt as if he was floating, and then rested on top of something soft, that smelled familiar: like cookies after a long day, like sweat after running around at the park, like that distinct cozy smell Mewo carried with her.

It smelled like home.

“I don't know, mom. I'll try and check that out tomorrow!”

Sunny opened his eyes. The first thing he saw to his side was a wooden wardrobe. How did that get there? Was he awake? Did he survive, or was this a last dream before he finally died? He wasn't sure.

“Okay, I'll just show Sunny something real quick!”

 Mari? Maybe this was that saying, that your life flashes before your eyes. Maybe he was back home now, to see the last few bits he's been wishing he could have back all these long years he'd spend daydreaming about.

 Sunny sat up a bit. It took him a while to register, but the monocular vision he had slowly gotten used to before was replaced by a complete one. He reached a hesitant hand up to his right socket, feeling the top of his lid. It was there. Two eyes. It shouldn't have made him panic; after all, in his dreams so far he mostly had two eyes, but there was this sense of anxiety growing inside him with every second that passed. Like something was missing, something wasn't right.

 He stood up from his bed, lifting his shirt up to see there was no wound where it should be. No sign of pain, nothing. And then the door opened, revealing Mari in her usual pajamas, heading inside the room with a book and making Sunny freeze.

“Hey, I forgot to ask you-” Mari began, but Sunny stumbled back and dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes, staring up at her. Mari's cheerful expression from before turned into confusion and worry. “What's wrong?” she asked concerned, walking with speedy steps to check on him.

Sunny recoiled, crawling backwards until his back met the wall. Mari looked taken aback and stood rigid. “Sunny, what's wrong?” she asked again, reaching out a hand.

 This had to be a dream, yet why was he so aware of his surroundings? A lucid dream? Still, why was he reacting this way? Even in lucid dreams, there was still that sense of “perceiving things as normal”, like how you might dream that you can fly. In real life, you'd think it'd be the most amazing thing, but there, it was kind of a given something like that was possible to happen.

“I'm... okay.” He responded, sounding dubious. Mari walked close to him again, crouching down in front of him. Her eyebrows angled upwards. “...Why are you acting like this?” she asked.

 Sunny just stared at her, unsure of what to say. And then he ran to the bathroom, ignoring his name being called. He was right, he was dreaming of his old house. Everything was perfectly placed where it'd always been, without dust, looking vibrant, not like the house has been shyed away from care.

 Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Sunny saw his childish form and those comfortable pajamas he always wore to bed, even after how the shirt started to gain tiny holes from being worn out. His eyes were there, his body was smaller and when he put a palm over his heart, he could feel it beating.

A knock on the door. “Sunny, are you-”

“What's wrong?” His father's voice. Sunny froze. He hadn't dreamt of his father in a long while.

“I think Sunny's feeling sick,” Mari replied.

 Sunny scrambled back, hitting the back of his legs on the bathtub. He pinched his hand, he bit into it hard enough for it to sting and almost draw blood, but even then, he was still there. This was too cruel. Why was he seeing this? Was this his punishment for taking his own life?

“Sunny? Everything good?” His father asked.

“I'm-” Sunny tried to respond, but his voice barely came out. He tried again. “I'm fine! I just need a minute.”

“Oh, you took a while to respond- We'll be downstairs! Come on, Mari,” his father finally said with a chuckle, sounding as if he realized something.

Sunny hunched over the sink and threw water on his face, trying to calm himself down. It's fine he told himself, go along with it. Sooner or later he'd wake up, he figured.

Chapter Text

 It was cold and had been raining for a long while before it finally stopped. The wind howled, thrashing the branches of the trees and picking up dirt and trash off the ground. He was shaking, but he wasn't sure if it was caused by his sheer panic or the unfavorable weather. Sunny curled up on himself even more under the yellow cat, seeking shelter at the park. He didn't know how long he'd been hiding under there for, but he knew he felt exhausted and he hated how real all this felt: both the chill seeping through his soaked clothes and the sense of time passing.

 Closing his eyes and flinching when the sonorous thunders reverberated around the park, he tried to calm down. He blanched when he heard footsteps approaching and stopping hesitantly in front of the metal sanctuary.

 After he could no longer take it in there, Sunny had walked out of the bathroom and was left to gawk at his surroundings as if the space around him was alien. Everything was just as he remembered. The low table to his left decorated with vases, the wall and shelves occupied with photographs and flowers and the ticking sound of the grandfather clock echoed in the hall. As Sunny dared to step towards the stairs, he felt the pit in his stomach growing.

 Ever since the confession, the guilt of the secret had been lifted off of him – that awful weight he carried. But that didn't mean he wasn't still afraid, and those specific stairs would never cease to carry that awful reminder for him to simply be able to saunter his way down.

 With a strong grip that had his knuckles turning white, he took his first step. His heart skipped a beat everytime his feet landed on the wooden steps, making him wince at the faint squeak they let out under his weight, but despite the ongoing trepidation he made it downstairs.

 Still, everything looked the same. Just for good measure, he tried to wake himself up again, closing his eyes and chanting to himself, “Wake up, this isn't real, open your eyes”, but still, nothing changed. Maybe he shouldn't be so surprised. After all, he had created a whole universe with his own mind once, residing in it to escape the harsh truth and reality, but no, this wasn't a figment of his imagination. He had no control over what was happening around him right now and that terrified him.

 With the little ability to think rationally right now, two things came to mind. One, he had survived somehow and he was in a delirium, dreaming of all of this because this is what he had been craving for, for years – to just regain everything he loved and had lost. Two, this was afterlife, and his punishment for taking his own life, giving him the illusion that everything was fine, only to take it all away from him eventually, yet again. It's one of the things those who believed always preached about, and Sunny had commited two grave sins: he took someone's life and also took his own. Maybe he had been right to always feel like anything related to religion was judging him after what he had caused, like those statues outside the church for example.

 He made it to the bottom of the stairs and could hear their voices. All three of them. If he just went along with this for now, something would change sooner or later, whatever that meant. He just wished that change happened soon however. He didn't want to ponder on things anymore, he didn't want to think about all this anymore – didn't want to feel anything anymore. That was the reason he put an end, or at least tried to if his first theory was the one standing true.

 Sunny headed towards the source of the noise, peeking his head out of the door frame and saw his father on the couch. His mother must've been on the kitchen because he heard her reply to her husband loudly so he could hear from the other room.

“Oh, there you are.”

 Sunny had almost forgotten the sound of his father's voice. “What's with the face, son? Listen, I'm pretty sure I know what happened. I think we two should have a talk,” the man said with an all-knowing look and a proud dad-like smile. He had that expression on his face he used to make whenever something he was either familiar with came up or when he could tell something was bugging him. His father was never the most effusive person when it came to showing affection, and lacked the ability to make his kids confide in him unlike their mother. However, he did try sometimes.

 And Sunny would have spoken, but the moment he saw his face he felt his blood running cold. He couldn't look at him in the eye, he instinctively lowered his head. How could he? He had been at fault for making him leave his mother. 

“There's no need to be embarassed-” The man couldn't finish his sentence as Mari appeared too, coming back from the piano room he figured, seeing how she was holding a few papers in her hands clearly filled with notes. Sunny couldn't make those out, but he recognized the familiar set of five horizontal lines.

“Hey... Are you feeling better?” Mari asked. He had almost forgotten her voice too...

 He didn't know whether to laugh or cry in this situation. His “sister” was confused and worried because of how he acted earlier, his “father” misunderstood and thought it was his chance to bond with his son who was growing up.

 Sunny lifted his face and stared at Mari. He had wondered before, if what he had seen in those moments before he woke up at the hospital were real or something more his mind made up to comfort him. Those words supposedly coming from his sister's mouth, how she knew he must have been tired, reminding him of how everyone makes mistakes but you had to face them in the end, and also something more important. “But you'll forgive yourself, won't you? You can do this, Sunny.”

 But was that even Mari at that time? Somehow managing to communicate with him. No, of course not. That was probably him soothing his own pain, reminding himself of what his sister would have told him if she was there to give him the courage to finally do what he had been running away from, for so painfully long.

“I-I...” Sunny murmured, lacking the heart to say it louder. “Wh-Where's mom...?” he asked quietly.

“In the kitchen, cleaning up-” Mari barely finished saying before Sunny rushed there, almost tripping over his feet.

The dark auburn took him aback. His mother had abandoned dying her hair that way and had long let her natural dark color come back. “...Mom?”

 His mother whipped her head towards him. “Sunny,” she smiled. “Come here, I want you to try this,” she said eagerly, letting go of the cup she finished wiping to pick up a small platter with freshly baked cookies; there was that familiar scent of vanilla in the air accompanied with something fruity.

Instead of uttering anything, Sunny just threw his arms around her, holding her tightly. “Oh my. What's wrong, dear?”

“Is this... is this some sort of... punishment?” he mumbled to himself. “Please... I don't want to be here...”

“What was that?” His mother asked, hugging him back. “I didn't hear what you said.”

“I'm not... I'm not really here. I'm imagining things again... Please, I'm... I'm so tired. Please just let me – ”

“Sweetie, what's wrong? You're shaking,” his mother noticed with a worried voice, putting a hand on his cheek and then his forehead, checking his temperature. “No, you're not warm. Do you feel sick?”

 Mumbles, he couldn't focus on anything. After what felt like forever, he was ushered to his room with some tea by his bedside to help him sleep. That was another familiar smell that brought him back, contained in the colorful mug with the cat face painted on it he remembers breaking by accident once.

“You two had been running around in the snow all day today, you must be coming down with a cold,” his mother scolded lightly, glancing between him and Mari who looked a bit concerned. Sunny absent-mindedly clutched the blanket harder, covering himself up with it, leaving only his face exposed.

She turned to Mari. “What about you, Mari? Do you feel okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” Mari assured, crouching down next to Sunny's bedside. “It was a bit cold out today. Basil had a runny nose too, maybe we should've gathered at home and done something else,” she said with a small sigh.

“Well, no time for regrets now,” their mother said, sighing an apologetic smile. “You two better get some rest, it's getting really late,” she added, patting Sunny's head and then Mari's. “Call me if you need anything or feel unwell, alright?” she said, earning a non-committal nod from Sunny and a hum from Mari before she left the room, leaving the other two alone.

 The room felt suffocating with every second that passed. Maybe he should've felt happy to be able to see her one more time, but what would be the point? His sister's voice snapped him out of his trailing thoughts.

“Come on, what is it?” She asked in a teasing manner. Sunny gave her a blank look. “Out with it, little brother. You've been spacing out more today. What's bothering you?”

 Why did this have to feel so real? “...Nothing...” Sunny mumbled. Well, either way this couldn't be actually happening, so what would be the harm in asking. “...Are you really here?” he asked incongruously.

“Hm?” Mari hummed, arching a brow.

“No... M-Mari... I'm sorry...” Sunny said weakly.

 Seeing how his shoulders drooped and Sunny hunched over himself, Mari sat down on the side of his bed, putting a hand where his shoulder was. Sunny could barely feel the weight of it because of the blanket in between.

“Pft, it's fine, I'll hear you out, don't look so gloomy,” Mari said playfully. “If it's about that notebook you spilt water on, don't worry, I know all about it.” Sunny gave no response. “It's fine, Sunny. I already copied everything.”

“...no,” Sunny breathed. He faintly remembered what his sister was talking about. Mari had forgotten one of her school notebooks on the kitchen table and while he sat down to enjoy a snack, he knocked over the glass of water, messing it up. He had tried his best to dry it up, but he could only do so much and pretended he had no idea who the culprit was. Maybe that was a habit of his all along, ruining something and then running away.

“Okay, we had agreed not to say anything with Hero, but is this about you and Kel sneaking out?”

 Sunny finally mustered the strength to lift his face. “Hey, don't look at me like that,” Mari said with a small chuckle, crossing her arms. “My lips are sealed, I won't rat you out to mom and dad. You don't have to worry about Hero either. He listens to me,” she said with a proud smirk.

 Sunny opened his mouth, he had so much and so little to say all at once yet no sound came out. He couldn't see the point to it. “...I want to sleep,” he said quietly, lying down with his back facing his sister, in mute testament of wanting to be left alone. The more he looked at her, the more he could see the ragged rope around her neck and her hair – He shuddered.

 He could hear a small frown to Mari's voice, but he ignored it. “Wake me up if you need something, 'kay?” Mari said, standing up. “Goodnight, Sunny,” she wished, and Sunny could hear her lifting her own blanket up before the sound of her bed let out a small squeaky protest under her weight when she lied down.

 Maybe that was the solution: to fall asleep. He was an expert by now in wasting away like that, with his mind creating stories. Only said stories, were almost impossible to fabricate anymore. Any time he had tried to make a new adventure up, starring none other than himself and his dear friends, their words and expressions after the confession made their way into his little world, tearing everything apart and putting an abrupt end to it before the adventure even had the chance to start.

*

 It was windy outside and the branches crashed against the treehouse. The scent of rain lingered in the air and judging from the color of the sky it'd start pouring sooner or later. Sunny grabbed a cookie, wondering who could've left the platter on the ground, but he didn't bother picking it up.

“No, it's not working,” Kel said, shaking his head after trying to plug the toaster in the little opening on the wooden wall that resembled a socket.

“How would it work? There's no electricity!” Aubrey scoffed. Still, Kel kept at it for a while until he gave up and sat by the little table, on one of the pillows they kept around it. Basil played another card, meaning it was Sunny's turn, but the more he looked at the cards in his hands, the more he couldn't decide on what to play. Maybe he forgot the rules, too, he wasn't sure, but the ones with those swirly symbols surely belonged to another set of cards he figured.

 He turned to the computer his father had given to him and Mari, but to his disappointment the mouse wasn't doing what he wanted; even though he was clicking on the icons on the screen, it only flickered and rebooted.

“Did you finish with homework, Sunny?” Basil asked.

 Oh, no, he didn't! And they had to be at school in just a bit. Maybe if he hurried he could get it done. He'd just ask Mari for help. He rushed and started climbing the wooden ladder that seemed abnormally long and missed far too many steps for him to get down succesfully. He needed to hurry and get in the house though.

 He looked down, contemplating jumping but he'd surely get hurt. He decided to climb up again, agitated at how slow he could manage to move. Walking inside the treehouse he spotted Basil again, watering the flowers in his grandmother's room: white orchids and a few bonzai. “You can wait in the other room. Grandma has made us some pumpkin pie!”

“Great,” Sunny said with a gleeful face. The kind old lady's pies were always delicious and he'd been craving some today. He changed channels on the TV and tried to turn the volume down, but the remote wouldn't work, occasionally changing channels instead of controlling the volume like Sunny wanted.

“Is Mari here, too?”

“I'm pretty sure she went to the funeral. Maybe you should check,” Basil replied, opening up a drawer in the nightstand to grab some more soil for the plants. “I'll try and plant this one, but don't ruin it again,” Basil said with furrowed brows, transfering a small purple bud into a different pot.

“I didn't ruin any flowers,” Sunny defended himself, making his way outside. He didn't want to see Basil getting angry.

To his surprise, Mari was right outside, waiting for someone. “I was looking for you,” Sunny said, walking up to her.

“What are you doing here?” Mari asked and started walking away.

“Wait, what time is it?” Sunny asked with urgency.

“Mom's waiting for you.”

“Oh, okay. I'll go see her later, but what time is it?”

Mari searched her pockets and the answer never came.

Sunny woke up with the drumming of his heart in his ears. His stomach felt corded up, he rolled on his back to face the ceiling. A dream.

 And then it dawned on him and he was too scared to turn to his side. He felt another tug on his stomach, as if something was pulling him upwards, making him put his hand underneath his shirt to check. His skin was smooth there, no sign of any wounds. Then came the distant echo of a constant sound again, only for a second. He tried to understand what it was, but the more he focused on it, the further it went away, turning into silence.

'No... No...' he thought to himself, tilting his head only for his fears to be solidified. Mari was still right there, the sound of her breathing barely audible. She was sleeping.

 The silence felt caustic and he couldn't take too much of it. He sat up, peering around in the dark. He almost felt threatened, why did he feel like that? Ah, yes. Because there was probably something really bad waiting for him right around the corner. What should he do? Maybe if he repeated the same action that brought him there in the first place, it'd finally give him the covetous result.

 Gingerly, Sunny exited the room, his eyes darting back and forth to his sister. This almost felt real, seeing how her body rose and fell as she breathed. The memory of her laying dead on that bed because he couldn't accept she was gone came to the forefront, making him put a hand over his mouth because he felt queasy.

 When he bared his groundings he closed the door behind him and hurried, ignoring how terrified he was of the stairs. He took a deep breath, holding it in and only let it go when he made it to the bottom. His hands were shaking, and so were his knees, so he hurried to the kitchen as quickly as he could before his legs could give up on him.

 It would be just as swift as the first time he told himself, picking up the shiny object from the drawer and pointed it at his stomach. He lifted his arm, only for his hand to be locked in place before he ever made an attempt to do anything. Sweat gathered at his hairline and temples. What was this...? As if that would give him the resolve, Sunny lifted the knife even further up, only for the same hesitation to stop him.

 He was scared. He was scared to do it again. Be it morbid curiosity about where this – whatever this was, led to, or because he was scared of what would happen if he tried stabbing himself again. Maybe he should be the one to hang in there for once, just for a bit. Metaphorically.

Wracking his brain to think of what to do, a phantom of a melody caressed his ears. The piano room.

 He walked in there and saw the familiar instrument glow under the faint moonlight that seeped through the window. The curtain had been left open, allowing Sunny to see the night sky. Everything looked the same, but what was even worse, was what he witnessed to his right. His violin was there, sitting on the case that was left open like he usually forgot. Music notes scattered around it, decorating one of the small stools in the room.

A minute. That's all it took. Sunny stormed off, leaving the house with an unknown destination. It could be anywhere, he just wanted to stay away from there right now.

 It was freezing cold outside, and the fuzzy socks shielding his feet from the soft layer of snow under his heels lost their ability easily as water permeated them; the sound of the raindrops landing on the spotless white made a plopping sound. Absent-minded, he had ended up at the park and hid underneath a usual spot: a 'safe spot' they usually called it when they were playing tag. Maybe it would provide him some sort of safety if he stayed there for a while this time too. And that's what he was planning to do, and did, for what felt like hours, until he was found.

 Sunny buried his head on his knees, hugging himself tightly and wished the earth could swallow him whole. Whoever it was, he hoped wholeheartedly they left soon. And that's what they seemed to do, because the steps came to a halt and the person decided to walk away.

 His relief didn't last long however. The familiar cheery voice had him widening his eyes. It was more high in pitch than he had last heard it. “BOO!” A head peeked under the metal yellow cat, greeting him with a chipper grin. Sunny jolted. “Hehe, there you are!” Kel snickered before turning his head back for a second. “Found him! Here, big bro!”

Kel turned back to Sunny. The sight of his cheerful friend made Sunny's heart sink. It was already bad enough, but then Sunny heard Hero's voice too and went completely still.

 Hero crouched down as well, noticing Sunny. “Hey,” he greeted, looking a bit confused. “We've all been looking for you, Sunny. Your family's worried... Are you okay?” he asked, his brows angled upwards.

 Sunny barely shook his head before burying it on his knees again. “Y-You carried- What are you... What are you getting at, Sunny?” Sunny gripped his hair, closing his ears as if that would somehow erase the words from that day. It didn't work, but the brothers spoke again.

“WOAH! You didn't even wear shoes? Oh man... That looks rough,” Kel winced. “Did you guys fight or something?”

“They didn't fight, Kel,” Hero said. “Let's head back. Here, I'll carry you,” Hero offered with a reassuring smile, turning his back to Sunny.

 Sunny almost complied. It was a nice feeling seeing his friends caring about him like this. He had missed that. Kel kept bouncing, huffing into his palms to warm his own hands a bit. “Uh, come on, man. It's really cold!” he urged, his teeth clattering.

 Somehow, that was enough to get Sunny to move. His feet had gone numb from being crouched down for so long and the cold made them feel as if they'd break with the slightest of impact. He reluctantly climbed onto Hero's back and they started making their way back.

 For a few moments, there was silence. How many times had he been carried on Mari's back like this after a tiring day at school, he wondered. Sometimes, he'd fall asleep, and sometimes he'd pretend he did, because he felt lazy to do the walking.

The silence of the night accompanied by the ambience of the snow falling from the sky almost felt like a lullaby to his ears and rumpled mind.

“So... what happened?” Hero asked, sounding puzzled. Sunny didn't reply, so he continued. “Your mom called us and... Did you and Mari actually have a fight?” he prompted. Mari had called them and explained that Sunny wasn't feeling that well, and was acting a bit off. Maybe he was guilty about something she said she figured from the way he was acting, but leaving in the middle of the night like this? That was a first.

 Sunny didn't know how to answer. The scene of walking back home like this reminded him of too many nice and warm memories, making him feel even more hopeless. He scrunched his nose up and buried his face on Hero's back and started sniffling.

"What the hell, Hero. You made him cry. Mari's gonna be so mad,” Kel mocked.

Hero furrowed his brows at his younger brother. “I didn't mean to do that. Is that what it is, Sunny?”

“Hey, don't worry about it, dude! There's no way Mari will be angry at you for too long,” Kel chimed in, before kicking a random can he saw on the pavement.

“...We didn't...” Sunny mumbled, but was heard, which was relieving, because he didn't want to have to say anything more.

The other two were still confused. “Well... No matter what it was, you shouldn't leave like that. You had us all worried,” Hero explained, taking another turn.

 The words felt like a dagger. Sunny hoped neither of the two would say anything else to him. He prefered if they stayed silent, or even better, if they started berating him, going into a tirade against him. That would be the correct thing to do.

His home was visible, reminding him of why he had ran away in the first place. “...Can I... come to your place?” he asked reluctantly, despite his previous line of thought.

“Heck yeah!” Kel agreed immediately.

“Of course,” Hero assured too.

“You think we can sneak Hector in the house again?” Kel asked with a mischievous grin, fixing his beanie in place.

“No, Kel. Did you forget what mom said last time?” Hero gave him an unimpressed look, recalling all the scolding they had to endure because their family pet had decided to use the couch as a toilet.

“Ugh, fineee,” Kel backed down, dragging the vowels. He couldn't stand their mother's nagging so maybe they could just pass the time with some video games instead. When Hero woke him up after the call they had received, because Sunny's parents thought maybe Sunny had gone to them, he could barely get up, he was too sleepy. But now, the cold had woken him up completely and he no longer felt drowsy.

 Sunny stayed quiet, enjoying the familiar banter. When they reached Kel and Hero's home, their mother gave him some clean clothes he could change into. They felt soft and comfy, and the warmth of the house was very welcomed. He could hear Hero speaking to Mari on the phone, reassuring her that everything was fine and that they managed to find him.

 He'd like to eavesdrop on the phone call some more, but Kel's mother interrupted that. “You shouldn't worry your parents like that. You're a good boy, Sunny. I believe you won't do that again,” she asked, not exactly in a strict tone, but she was surprised to see him do something like this. Sunny was always a timid and demure child, this was an unexpected fit.

Sunny folded his hands on his lap and slowly nodded.

“Good. I'll go make something so you can all warm up,” the woman offered, heading to the kitchen. Sunny could almost smell the faint scent of cocoa and marshmallows Aubrey always liked adding when they made the beverage.

“Pst,” Kel said, now that they had a moment of privacy. “Why did you run away?” he asked expectantly. Sneaking out was usually something they did together to go to Hobbeez and test how long they could stay awake playing video games for, but even he could tell something was different about this.

Sunny sank into the couch, pressing his knees on his chest. He eyed the details on the carpet on the floor. “...I don't know.”

Kel raised a brow. He sat on the floor and rested his elbow on the couch, leaning his head into it. “Ah, come on. You know I won't tell 'em,” he said with half a pout.

 Sunny tilted his head to look at him. “...I thought I had a dream... And I got confused,” Sunny used as an excuse, averting his eyes. “B-But how... could you do something like-” He shoved the words to the back of his mind, refusing to look at his friend. Any time he looked at either of them, he remembered the day at the hospital.

Kel seemed to be just as persistent and a little stubborn just as he remembered him and wasn't satisfied with just half-assed answers. “So you were like... sleepwalking or something?”

“...I guess so,” Sunny sighed quietly.

Kel nodded sagely. “That sounds kinda scary. But kinda cool, not gonna lie,” he admitted, managing to make Sunny smile just a bit. It faltered rather quickly.

 Hero stepped towards them, having finished the call, but before he could even open his mouth, there was a knock on the door. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I tried.” He said to Sunny before opening up the door.

 Mari stood there, looking furious and sickly worried, her hands balled into fists by her sides and her long hair messy from the running. She had hastily dressed up in warmer clothes and her scarf had flown to her back. She rushed to Sunny who at first looked to want to try running away again, but froze into place instead. “Why would you do that, Sunny?! Do you know how worried we were?”

“Why would you do that, Sunny?!” He had heard that before, too, and even back then Mari had a similar anguished, but also indignant and angry look on her face. It made the back of Sunny's eyes began to burn again, and his vision turned blurry.

“Uh-oh,” Kel inhaled through his teeth. It was a very rare sight seeing Mari worked up like this, and he didn't know what to expect. And now that he thought about it briefly, he'd never seen Mari get angry at Sunny and honestly he doubted he'd ever see that happening.

 Hero pressed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “L-Let's calm down, Mari,” he began with a nervous smile. “I know you were very worried, but...” he trailed off, motioning with his head towards Sunny who yet again, had tried himself to look smaller. It made Mari's expression soften, all the fight going out of her as if she'd been poked with a pin.

 Mari offered Hero a small frown before she walked closer to Sunny, crouching down in front of him. “Why did you leave in the middle of the night?” she asked distressed. “What's wrong? I told you, no matter what you did I wouldn't be angry-”

 Mari got cut off, taken aback when her little brother just lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly as if she'd vanish if he let go. He couldn't keep this up anymore. Even if this was a cruel delusion with a harsh ending, he couldn't keep his guard up, he was too emotionally drained and even if he shouldn't, he decided to let himself succumb to whatever this was, at least for a moment. It wouldn't be the first time he ever did that, only before, it almost caused him to forget something very important.

“I-I'm sorry...”

Mari furrowed her brows at his broken voice. She hugged him back. “It's okay... I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was just worried...” She patted his back.

 Sunny tried to stifle his whimpering, but it only worked so much. Usually he'd feel embarrassed for showing this side to the others, but right now, he couldn't care about that. He repeated another apology.

 Kel patted Sunny's back too. “You're kinda scary when you're mad, Mari,” he said playfully. “Unlike Hero. He always looks stupid when he tries to act tough.” He earned a pair of narrowed eyes from his older brother.

“I know,” Mari snorted, making Kel grin and Hero let out a sigh, used to Mari's teasing.

“He got confused and all. He was sleepwalking, that's why he left,” Kel explained for him, motioning a hand emphatically. He was always very animated, especially when he was trying to prove a point.

“Sleepwalking?” Mari repeated.

 A knock came on the door again. “I'll go get it!” Kel said, sprinting to open up, revealing Mari and Sunny's parents. The father had worn his shirt inside out and Kel was about to point it out, but they looked kind of pissed and concerned right now so he kept his mouth shut for once.

“Hi,” he greeted, earning two quick greetings back.

“Thank you, Henry,” the mother said. “I'm sorry we made you two go out in the middle of the night like that,” she apologized.

“No, please don't say that. We were getting worried too,” Hero explained.

The father walked up to his kids, the lines scoring his face deepening when he furrowed his brow. “I hope you-”

“Shh,” Mari cut her father off when he was about to let Sunny hear it.

He had fallen asleep.

* * * *

 Charlotte paced around the shiny corridor. The lights reflected on it just as much as they did on the neverending white walls. She's already been in there for hours yet her nostrils could still pick up that antiseptic, bitter smell of the hospital, saturated by the artificial scent of soap and cleaners; she figured she'd had gotten used to it by now. They were taking torturously long.

 She had barely made it past the turn to head for work when her muscle memory proved to be the most useful thing she could ever ask for. It was a movement she did every single morning: she pulled out of the small yard, turned the radio on in a barely audible volume to drown out the ringing in her ears she gained herself after how she kept screaming on a certain day she had to see something that would be engraved in her memory and in a minute or two, she'd reach for her phone to give her mother a call. It was routine. Only today, her hand came up empty. She had forgotten the device at home.

 Her phone was important. It was an extention of her hand, something she needed to have with her and to be visible around her just in case she didn't hear it, so she could at least see it light up and vibrate. Calls were important, and a call may turn out to be crucial. When you had to live what she had to live, and have a child that was just starting to become more functional and speak to you more than you had ever heard them speak after years back home, a small voice in your head told you “just in case” every now and then.

 Charlotte made a U-turn, without paying too much attention; the road was barely occupied this early in the morning. In just a couple of minutes she was back home, but when she knocked no one answered. But that wasn't weird, Sunny slept a lot, unfortunately, so she figured when she left, he headed back to bed. He did get up quite early today to make her breakfast after all. Maybe that should've been the first warning sign.

 She put the keys on the door and turned them, resulting in another weird thing. Sunny hadn't locked and Sunny never forgot to lock. If anything, he was the one reminding her to do so every night, because there had been incidents of theft happening around their neighborhood this month.

 Her phone was ringing. There it was, she had left it on the couch. She didn't like what she saw. It was that boy's family calling her again. Couldn't they understand she wanted nothing to do with them? Their apologies fixed nothing, their money for everything meant nothing. Nothing they'd ever say would mean anything. Two times. They had already called two times. Did the noise not wake him up-

Charlotte walked into his room to check on him “just in case” and had to see another sight she'd never forget.

 She was about to have another breakdown when the double doors to the front opened, revealing the familiar face of a surgeon walking in her direction, accompanied by two more people, be it nurses, doctors – she didn't care. She just cared to hear how Sunny was doing and she knew better than to trust the placid faces of people in this profession.

 With every word that came out of the man's mouth the woman blanched a bit more. She cursed at him a few times when he kept speaking in the language they expected everyone to understand, going on about all the regions that Sunny had injured and the ones he luckily hadn't. Were they really expecting everyone to know what the hell the intra-abdominal vasculature was?! But that didn't matter. What mattered was that Sunny had done damage – really bad damage they barely managed to save his life from. Be it his difficulty when it comes to depth perception because of his monocular vision that caused him to miss or sheer luck, they managed to stitch him up. But the injury wasn't the only problem. The blood loss he had to suffer was too much, and had caused his body to go into shock and even when he was supposed to wake up after receiving the transfusion, he still wouldn't wake up.

“What does that mean?” Charlotte asked in a shaky voice, hugging herself with her hands in a pathetic attempt to calm down.

“It's still early to say for sure. He's still unstable, but right now as I see it,” the doctor began to speak. Only to tell her words that didn't comfort her in the slightest. Sunny was barely hanging on, fallen into a coma when that is not supposed to happen. His heartbeat was too slow, his oxygen levels low, and had minimal brain activity, he was one step before life-support.

“We need to wait and see how he does in the next twenty-four hours. We'll have a clearer picture then.”

 Charlotte scrunched her eyes shut, getting ushered to the nearest bench when she felt light-headed. She could barely register what she was hearing right now no matter how hard she tried to focus, because she knew she had to focus to understand. But how could she? What if Sunny didn't make it? What if just a minute from now her son – Please... Not again. I can't do this again...

Why does this keep happening to me...?

Chapter Text

 A balmy day. That's what today would generally be described to be. It had long stopped snowing, but everything outside was covered in white. Sunny had taken a long moment looking outside a window, his attention drawn to an ice stalagmite hanging from above, ready to fall down any second. The effects from last night's ordeal were apparent on his body: his nose stuffy and throat slightly sore. His body had given in to the weariness after warming up at their neighbors' house and he slept through it all; both their way back home and the rest of the night.

 While still having breakfast, his father left for work, leaving the other three behind. Mari had explained that what happened was caused by Sunny's “sleepwalking” and he lost his way, so not much scolding happened. Instead, his parents assured they'd make sure to take the keys away from the door so nothing of this sort could repeat itself, reminding him of how worried they'd been.

 Mari had woken up feeling parched at some point and after not finding him downstairs, thinking he'd gotten up for a glass of water too, she was going to check the piano room just in case. Before she could enter the hall though, she couldn't help but notice the cold seeping in the house, proving the front door was left slightly open.

“Are you still feeling unwell? You haven't taken a single bite,” his mother said, furrowing her brow a bit.

 It's not that Sunny wasn't hungry, just the opposite. The inviting smell of orange juice and omelette in front of him was more than enough to bring his appetite back, but that weird tugging on his stomach every now and then made him apprehensive about eating.

 In the corner of his eye he could see Mari grimacing from time to time, bringing a palm on her knee occassionally. Their mother had given her an ice pack to put on it to ease the pain a bit, but that only worked so much. Because of all the running last night in search for him, her bad knee was acting up, but she was trying to ignore it.

 Eventually Sunny gave in, taking his first bite in an attempt to distract himself by actually doing something. The fluffy texture melted in his mouth, making him let out a small content sigh. He was hungrier than he thought, and the food tasted really good. He sneaked a furtive glance at his mother again, then at Mari, then back at his food. Then back at Mari.

 Mari had noticed Sunny's odd behavior but couldn't figure out what was wrong. She'd try and ask again later, figuring if it was something he really was hiding, he wouldn't say it front of their mother. Sunny wasn't exactly easy to open up when something was bugging him, but Mari could get him to share what it was most of the time.

“Good. Make sure to eat this too,” their mother prompted, placing half of her own omelette to his plate. The gesture made Sunny recall she always had that habit. “I'll go buy everything I need from Othermart later to make some miso soup for lunch,” she added, going on about how it's the perfect remedy for colds. She did that each and every time either of them got a cold, just as enthusiastically. She was always a good mother to them, the best they could ask for.

“Do you two want anything?”

“I have a few things,” Mari said with a little curl in her voice that indicated excitement. “Aubrey hasn't had cheesecake before so we thought we'd make some with Hero.”

“Well make sure you make enough for everyone because I know I'll be craving it all day now,” their mother quipped with a warm smile, taking a long sip from her coffee.

 Sunny peered around cautiously, his eyes searching. It had been just as weird looking in the mirror first thing in the morning and looking at both of his eyes being there, just as it was... yesterday? He couldn't deny it was relieving too. The injury he's supposed to have there was a nasty one; it hurt, it stung and getting used to having monocular vision wasn't easy.

“...Where is Mewo?” He dared to ask carefully. Their pet was the only thing he hadn't spotted around the house so far.

A puzzled look and a curious one. “Mewo?” Mari repeated inquisitively.

“...Your... Your cat,” Sunny mumbled. He couldn't get used to talking to her. Everytime he looked at her only one thing filled his mind, catching his breath in his throat: 'I'm sorry'. 'It's not really her', he repeated to himself, not that it made any difference. Real or not, he was still sorry.

Mari raised a brow. “I have a cat?”

 Sunny sagged in his seat. He recalled the last time he saw Mewo, before their father took her with him and left their home altogether, never to be seen or heard from again. “...Nevermind,” he murmured, getting up from his seat.

“You still haven't finished your food, Sunny,” his mother scolded lightly.

“I'm not hungry anymore...” Sunny replied. Maybe now that he wasn't currently panicking, he'd take a look around. He could hear the other two talking in the back, but he decided not to pay attention.

 The living room was still the same. The familiar stain his friend had decorated the carpet with by accident was there, the furniture all placed exactly like it once used to, filling up the space and giving it warmth unlike how he had last seen their house: empty, dark and cold. Heat radiated from the fireplace; the sudden sound of firewood crackling made him jump in surprise. He wanted to walk closer, when his eyes settled on the picture framed on the wall. It was him, his sister and their parents, a photo like any other family probably owned.

 Before he could lose himself in regrets and sadness for the umpteenth time, the phone started ringing. He could hear Mari picking up while Sunny stood there rigid, staring at the glass door. He walked up to it, but before he could even dare reach his hand out, a loud clatter – probably a plate falling in the kitchen – snapped him back.

Mari winced. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, just dropped a little something!” Their mother responded, going back to washing everything. Mari continued talking on the phone.

 They had a landline in their previous house and this one was a brand new phone, a cordless one, their father had been praising the moment he saw it on TV. He went and bought it just the first day it was available. He did that with most things actually.

“Thank you, Hero. I'd go there myself, but...” Mari trailed off. She didn't want to make Sunny feel bad about her knee. “No, no, you don't need to bring anything! Yes, that's fine,” she said with a small giggle. Baking with Hero was always fun, and seeing everyone's pleased reactions when they tried out what they made, made it even more exciting. Mari liked seeing people pleased with her efforts, it was gratifying. It eased some of her self-doubts, even if someone considered something like this a small thing.

 Mari snapped out of those thoughts, turning her attention back to Hero. “Yeah,” she chuckled. “Better in the afternoon. Okay then, I'll see you later,” she added with a smile, bringing the phone's microphone to her mouth to press a small kiss there. “Did you catch that?” she asked with a smug look. She could hear Hero's flustered smile from the other end and had to hold back from teasing him some more when she heard him doing the same after a small pause.

 Sunny turned back to his reflection on the door, his hands balling into fists by his sides. 'Think calmly', he tried to ease himself, but a clam of sweat had already formed on his temple. Opening this door was a difficult task.

“The others will be coming over in a bit,” Mari announced to him after she ended the call, walking near him. Seeing the nervous look on her brother's face made her let out a small sigh. “Don't feel bad about last night, Sunny. Kel and Hero didn't mind, they were just worried. I'm sorry I called them, but...”

The others were coming here? He'd have to face them again? Sunny's shoulders drooped. He felt a pit in his stomach. Maybe he'd check the backyard after they left.

* * * *

 So close. She was so close to losing it. Aubrey brought her bat upon the unlucky tree she had decided to take her anger out on today, making a hissing sound when the impact reverberated throughout her body. Her palms were calloused now, the skin reddish and hardened from this habit she'd been keeping up this past month. Sometimes she wondered how they weren't even bleeding by now, but her fingers sure felt like they were about to break. Maybe they would at some point, it was a miracle they were still intact after smashing that old abandoned car the other day.

“Aubrey!” Kim called loudly, resting her palms on her knees as she panted. “There you are,” she huffed.

 Aubrey didn't even greet her, just looked away guiltily. It was hard looking at her and the rest of the gang sometimes and today was one of those days. It's not like she could hide either, Farway was only that big and the only place she could let her anger loose without being heard was amongst the trees near the lake.

 Kim glanced between the roughed up tree and back at Aubrey. She furrowed her brows. Aubrey had been acting weird for a long while now and the more time passed the angrier she looked. Sometimes Kim wondered if she or any of the rest of the gang had done something to get on her bad side or if things just got even worse at home. Aubrey didn't like talking about it, and usually said things were fine when Kim asked, but Kim wasn't stupid. She'd seen enough of Aubrey's mother and all those empty bottles that occupied the trash cans outside her place.

But this time something was different, and it wasn't only Kim that had noticed when this change happened.

“Listen Aubrey,” she started hesitantly. While Aubrey loved smashing things with her bat, that is things that didn't move of course, this was becoming a bit too much. “If something's going on... you know I can listen. You always hear me out. You know I can do the same...” She didn't mean to sound as bitter as she did. But Aubrey was the best friend she had ever made, and she couldn't pretend things were just fine again.

 Aubrey's expression turned sour, then angry, then it melted into something resembling a scowl. “...Sorry,” Aubrey muttered, turning her attention to the nails at the end of the bat that were now flat against the surface because of the ongoing abuse. “I didn't mean to ignore you. It's just-” she paused. What does she even say? All she's been thinking about was what she heard that day. Just thinking about it made her head spin. Visiting Mari made her head spin.

 She had thought about telling everyone what she knows. Sunny and Basil – Those two-! Everyone should know what they had done to her! It would be the right thing to do to expose that horrible thing they did, and she would gladly do it, but... But something was holding her back. And maybe, something was holding back both Hero and Kel from doing the same. But one thing was clear to her about Sunny and Basil: she hated them both. They lied to them all these years – lied to everyone. Let them believe in that horrible lie, years of ruminating and feeling guilty about not noticing any signs or understanding why Mari had “done” that to herself.

How could they...?

And now, Aubrey felt like she was grieving all over again. She felt more alone than ever, unable to handle knowing something like this.

“I'll figure this out. Sorry I've been like this,” Aubrey admitted.

Kim gave her a troubled look. “...Well what is it? You don't wanna tell me?”

“No...” Aubrey said, pinching her brows together.

 This would be the part where Kim would back down. Getting in a fight with Aubrey is something she hopes never happens, but the selfish side of her won. Because this wasn't the first time she was asking about this, acknowledging Aubrey's behavior out of worry, only to receive the same answer. “This is about what Basil did, isn't it?” She said assertively.

Aubrey's eyes widened at the mention, confirming Kim's suspicions. “I'm right! You and Kel have been acting weird around each other at school.”

“Kim...” Aubrey tried to get her to stop.

“We could talk about it like we always do, you know? I know you called that guy a creep, but I never thought he'd just gouge someone's fucking eye-!”

“Kim.”

“You could just tell me you've been having a hard time. What happened in that house sounds terrifying, but you could – But you just... You keep avoiding-”

“KIM!” Aubrey cut her off sternly. Aubrey could feel the heat rising to her head and was about to smash her bat on the tree yet again, but she saw Kim's hurt expression. She let out a sigh with a grumble and held her head. “...It's not just that,” she started, pausing for a bit. She looked back at her friend, unsure of what expression to make. “I can't tell you about it. And I don't... I don't want to talk about it.” 'Not with you', she added inwardly dubiously.

 Kim pursed her lips, about to protest, but rattling in a nearby tree interrupted her. Oh great, Aubrey thought to herself. She hated thinking like that about her friends, but right now, she didn't appreciate anyone trying to ask her what was wrong.

Angel fell down with a groan, smiling guiltily upon the unimpressed looks he received from the two girls.

“What the hell are you doing up there, Angel?” Kim asked, visibly irritated. She shouldn't be surprised though, everyone knew of that habit of his when he was... “training” as he claimed to be doing.

 Angel stood up, dusting his shorts off and rubbed the side of his neck. “Taking a nap,” he lied clumsily. The truth was, that Angel was keeping time on how fast he could climb up a tree, but his shoe got stuck at one point. In an attempt to free himself, he happened to hear Aubrey entering the clearing, swearing unlike any other time and he couldn't help it, he was a curious cat. He stayed there hidden.

 Kim didn't seem convinced by his excuse, but neither was she in the mood to press on, despite her frustration. “...Whatever,” she mumbled, unable to smother the displeased turn on her lips. “...I'll see you later.” It was directed at Aubrey who to her disappointment said nothing in return.

 Aubrey didn't even try to stop her, which probably only made Kim feel worse. Amongst the beffudlement of all the annoying emotions, Aubrey felt the back of her eyes burning, but she wouldn't cry. At least not as long as Angel was still there.

 Angel watched Kim leave the clearing in an awkward silence, then turned his head back at Aubrey's direction. While he only feared his sister, Aubrey's anger lately was something new to be seen and he was somewhat nervous to ask her about what he heard before. He did however, because they had all been worried about her lately.

“So, I kinda heard. What's up with those two?” He started, earning a puzzled looked from the girl. “Sunny and Basil I mean. What did they do? Aside from the whole, you know. Ghh,” he made a choking sound, sticking his tongue out while pretending to stab himself in the eye.

 Aubrey cringed at the motion, recalling the night. She had thought she'd heard the blood-curling scream in a dream, only to wake up the moment the voice went dead silent, replaced by Polly and Hero's panicked shouting and Kel's pacing as he looked at the scene with horror.

 And then her brain registered the obvious thing. Angel had been up there the whole time. “How much of that... did you hear?” She asked nervously. She could barely remember what exactly she said before as she cursed at the unfortunate plant, but she knew how many times she's repeated those two damned names while pretending it was them she was beating up.

 The first bad sign was that Angel raised his hand. Then came the counting. “Take that you pieces of shit! That's what you deserve for what you did!” He raised another finger. “I'll take care of your other eye myself!” Another finger. “I'll beat you up until you have to live in a hospital!” A fourth one. “How could you do that to me?” And another. “How could you do that to her.”

 Aubrey wondered why she hoped the earth could swallow her at that very moment. Was it because she actually didn't want the truth to be out there or because she felt guilty, as if she was partaking in concealing the horrible truth behind Mari's death and betraying her in the process. Thinking that she was doing that by remaining silent made her feel queasy.

“What'd they do? I'll beat them up for you!” Angel offered eagerly. He wouldn't mind getting into a fight with them either way, but if they were the reason Aubrey had been troubled so much lately? He'd solve the problem.

“It's... something personal,” Aubrey said, stuttering the last word. “Thanks, but I'll take care of it myself. Forget what you heard, it doesn't mean anything,” she asked, cursing at herself for the lack of confidence in her words. No matter, Angel listened to her so it should be fine she figured, but the other's expression seemed to be hinting otherwise. “I mean it, Angel.” She said, a little more sternly than she wanted.

“Sure, boss...!” Angel assured.

* * * *

“No, Kel! If you eat any more, there won't be enough for it,” Hero scolded, taking Kel's hand away from the bowl filled with the bisquits necessary for the crust.

Kel stuck his tongue out at him. “Fineee,” he drawled, slowly turning his attention to the left side of the counter. “Oh, look. I think there's a spider-”

“Where?!” Hero shrieked, backing up and bumping into Mari and causing her to drop the butter.

 Kel snickered at how easily he fooled his brother with that everytime. He grabbed two bisquits and rushed to join Sunny in the living room again; the latter was going through the VHS tapes containing everyone's favorite movies. “So, which one?” He asked, sitting down on the floor beside him.

 Sunny snapped out of his stupor when Kel waved the small crunchy snack in front of his face for him to take. He accepted it hesitantly, but didn't bother eating it right away. He picked one at random and Kel quirked his lips. “Naw, come on. We watched that like, two days ago,” he said with a mouthful.

Sunny pointed at a different one. “Hm. Was kinda boring, wasn't it? I mean, the lasers were cool and all, but the enemies were kinda lame,” Kel went on to say.

Sunny tried to actually use his brain instead of just his eyes this time. Ah, this one. 'Sweetheart and the Lost Treasure Chest'. It was his and Kel's favorite.

“Hell yeah,” Kel grinned. “Classic,” he nodded approvingly with crossed arms.

 Kel gave him a curious look, but quickly turned his face away, unable to smother a frown. Kel had always been cheerful, smiling through thick and thin, trying to see the good side of things most of the time. Sunny never would've thought he'd ever see Kel make the face he made before. Was he doing okay now? Sunny had hurt him again, his best friend, and his brother even more. Hopefully, now that Hero knew he wasn't responsible for what happened to Mari, he has stopped feeling this way and hopefully, Kel would be able to get closer with him and Aubrey again too.

“...Kel?” Sunny asked, tilting his head at him. Kel hummed inquisitively, urging him to continue while he stacked the cassettes on top of each other. “Do you wanna go see the treehouse...?”

Kel gave him an odd look. “You actually made the treehouse? When?”

“We all...” Sunny trailed off. He gave that up for now. “Nothing.”

Kel raised a brow.

….

“I said I was sorry,” Hero sighed, letting Mari tie the ribbon in the back of the apron she'd given him.

“How can you be so terrified of them?” Mari shook her head, a small smile pulling at her lips.

“Can you blame me?” Hero asked plaintively. “Their eyes are – Ugh,” he shuddered.

“Pfft.” Mari put on her own apron, tying it on her own with practiced motions and brought out another bowl from the cupboard while Hero started crumbling the barely enough bisquits.

“So about last night...” Hero started, letting Mari melt the butter. Now that their siblings couldn't hear them, he figured he could ask.

Mari heaved a small sigh. “I just hope it was a one time thing.” Skeptical, she continued. “Actually, I don't – I'm not sure if he's telling the truth.”

The doorbell rang. “That must be Aubrey,” Mari announced.

….

Kel waited for Sunny to go open up, but Sunny just stayed on the floor, looking at the door without even blinking for a good minute. Kel stood up instead and did the task.

“Hey!” He grinned, greeting the girl. He laughed at the way Aubrey's face was half covered with a fluffy scarf letting only her eyes peeking out.

“Hi,” Aubrey greeted back in a muffled voice because of it, entering the warm house. She let out a small huff as she let her body temperature adjust and removed the huge scarf her mother made her wear out of fear of her catching a cold.

 Aubrey removed her shoes and coat, placing it on the hanger. “Hi, Sunny,” she greeted with a big smile. “I'll go say 'hi' to the others,” she added, heading to the kitchen; everyone was there so often they knew their house like the back of their hand.

“Hi! Ah! I'm so excited!” She beamed, bouncing.

 Mari and Hero chuckled at her enthusiasm. “Hi, Aubrey,” Mari smiled. Hero also offered a greeting, emptying the crumbs in the pan. “I'll go sit with the others, but I can help if you want me to,” she offered.

“Thank you, Aubrey. I think we got it for now, but if we do need help, you're the one we'll call,” Mari assured.

Aubrey nodded, mirroring the other's smile and walked to the other room.

 Sunny looked at her hesitantly, recalling two things. One, that back then he used to be the taller between the two unlike how it was last time he saw them. And two, the throbbing on his cheek and mouth after Aubrey's fist met his face at the hospital. He wondered briefly, what the real Aubrey was doing. Was she doing okay? She looked so hurt when he heard what he had to say. She looked terrified...

 Seeing how different Aubrey looked back then compared to the last time he saw her was just as surprising as the first. She looked happy now too, getting thrilled for a small thing. Sunny wondered what had happened to her before after seeing how different she looked, how life was for her all those years he had lost himself in his head. With a look inside her house, and the way her mother looked, he could easily guess life hadn't been exactly kind for her either. Even if he wanted to ask before, he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to speak, he was too afraid nor did he feel like he had any right to do so. Both because he'd been concealing the truth from her and because he knew Aubrey no longer thought of him as a friend and he doubted she would after he'd tell her.

 Besides, back then, he thought everything was temporary. He doubts he'd had lived three months more after moving away. And everything was too clouded, even as he walked around town, if it wasn't for Kel talking most of the time, he would still retreat to the place he felt safest: Head Space.

 He felt the pit in his stomach growing. There was no point wondering about that now. Even though he wanted to know if she was doing okay – if they were all doing okay, it was too late now. He had made his choice...

 Seeing how intently Sunny had been staring made Aubrey walk closer to him, surprised when he made a slightly worried face. “Is there something off?” She asked, moving this and that way, checking her clothes.

“N-No...” Sunny replied, looking away.

Kel looked at Aubrey, then back at Sunny. “Dude. Did the cold get to you last night? You've been kinda weird,” he pointed out.

“Don't call him 'weird', Kel!” Aubrey scolded.

“I don't mean it in a bad way. He's just been out of it?” Kel defended himself. “Because of what happened last night I mean.”

“'Last night'?” Aubrey asked, not following.

 Kel was quick to respond, making gestures for emphasis. “Yeah, he sleepwalked- slepTwalk,” he paused. “Sleptwalked? Whatever, he did that all the way to the park. Everyone was looking for him! I found him of course,” he said proudly. Sunny was his best friend after all, he was glad to be the one to do it.

Aubrey gave Sunny a worried look. “I didn't know that. That sounds scary.”

 Sunny looked away guiltily, pressing his knees on his chest. Aubrey sat down too after seeing his reaction. “That has happened to my dad a few times. Mom always makes sure the door is locked just in case. You shouldn't worry too much,” she tried to comfort.

“Is it true you can like, still eat and stuff when that happens?” Kel asked genuinely curious.

 Aubrey nodded. “One time I saw him staring at the open fridge. He had eaten the last pudding. I was going to eat that too,” she said with a pout. “But you can't blame them. They're not really awake when that happens.”

 Sunny drowned out the voices unwillingly. He felt the telltale signs of a panic attack making their appearance and silently tried to focus on his breathing. Should he ask about Basil? Was Basil going to be as clueless as they all were? Before, in his daydream adventures, Basil was one of the few variables because he was so deeply connected to everything. Maybe this time again, he wouldn't be a constant.

Taking a deep shaky breath, he was relieved to see he was holding himself together. “...Is Basil coming too?”

“Basil's sick,” Aubrey informed disappointed, but her face quickly lit up. “I just got an idea! We should go surprise him when the cheesecake's ready! I bet he'll feel a bit better if he sees us.” Before Kel had any chance to reply, she rushed back to the kitchen, sharing her thoughts.

 The colorful ad that played on the TV sprinkled with loud sound effects followed by bombastic music made both boys turn to the screen. A man in a suit was presenting a program of some sort for people who are willing to start a new business much later than one would usually do.

“You fear you've missed the starting gun? Fear not, folks. Sign up today and get access to,” the man went on to say, gesticulating and making overdramatic expressions, accentuating his mustache and lines scoring his face.

“It's not too late to try! Remember folks, it'll only be too late to start doin' something, if you tell yourself that-”

 Kel changed the channel. “Man, these dressed up people are always so annoying. Dad says they're lyin' half the time, but I can tell he believes all that crap sometimes,” he said idly, leaning his head on his palm. “Anyway, let's put the movie on.”

 While the cooking session happened, filled with laughs and chatter, the other three put on the movie they chose earlier. Absent-mindedly, Sunny watched the adventure unfold on the screen while comments broke the silence every now and then, along with some competitive banter between Aubrey and Kel, regarding the protagonist's decisions.

 That random sound Sunny could faintly hear before, almost resembling his heartbeat was no longer there, neither did he feel detached from his body anymore. There was still an internal fight going on in his head, but he couldn't say the same about his body that was slowly adjusting, welcoming this tranquil moment: the soft couch sinking under his weight, the delicious smells coming from the kitchen accompanied by Mari and Hero's giggles and the scene of his friends there watching something silly like they used to.

The scent of lavender the decorative candles emited from the small low table near the couch reminded him of how his clothes smelled everytime his mother took care of the laundry.

He wondered what she was doing right now.

* * * *

 Charlotte held the letter with both hands, unintentionally crinkling it with her shaky fingers. Five times. She'd read it five times already and each time was just as painful as the first had been. She felt her soul shattering and her mind turning into mush, her eyes bleary and puffy from the crying and lack of sleep.

 She only came back home briefly to grab what she had forgotten before from all the rush to get Sunny to the hospital and to change her bloodied clothes. She hadn't even noticed before until another person in the building asked her about it. Any second now, she'll be going back there and remain in that cursed place as long as it was needed. As long as she got good news... She prayed with all her heart that happened.

 What could see even say after reading the contents of the letter? She had no tears left to shed, her eyes felt heavy, as if there was sand underneath her lids and her throat was dry. Mistakes. She kept making mistakes that cost her gravely. If this ended up being the same this time again, she knew she wouldn't be able to go on. She'd have nothing left.

 Another pang of guilt would hit her the moment she noticed the faded out note on the left corner of the first page. What Sunny hadn't been able to say with his voice all these years, he poured it out in the papers she was holding tightly. What was considered to be a gift she got for her son, a journal, so he could keep track of the things he appreciated and liked about their new home and city they lived in, would end up harboring a “final” entry. Each page had a small inscription, the date at the top.

 Two weeks. Sunny had written the letter two whole weeks ago. All this time, she failed to notice. All this time she failed him. No... She had failed him from the start. She should've told him she knew what had really happened. If she had let him know from the start, instead of thinking that pretending all of that never really happened was the better option, maybe her son wouldn't have felt so alone in this.

 How could she ever think they could ever put what really happened to Mari behind? She wasn't able to do that, how would Sunny be able to do that? When he still barely talked? When he woke up from nightmares, shaking like a leaf? When he still tried to eat properly only to empty his stomach the moment he managed to take a few more bites than usual? When he'd have panic attacks at random.

 She should've gotten help for him. She should've known she wouldn't be able to succeed. Four years she didn't manage to get him out of that house – that god forsaken house... If only they never bought that place. They should've never gotten a two story house. Everyone always went on to say how dangerous having stairs and balconies were when having children, why wouldn't she listen to that?

 But how could she imagine? She didn't know that's how what happened... happened... She could tell Mari couldn't have tied that rope around her neck. The knot made no sense... The small cuts on her arms and back made no sense. The droplets of blood at the back of her head made no sense. Mari doing that to herself made no sense.

Sunny's violin missing made no sense.

 She knew something had gone wrong, and after a whole year of asking her son what had happened, reassuring him she'd hear him out, that's she'd protect him like she did before, that she'd still be there for him, she gave up, seeing how it was futile. But even with all that, she didn't think things would lead to this. And now, as much as she wanted to try and fix this, it all depended on Sunny, if he would actually be strong enough and pull through.

But as much as she hoped, prayed and wished for it, the little voice in her head told her he wouldn't. Her son was strong, but when he gave up, he gave up for good.

 With trembling hands and quivering lips, Charlotte shut herself in the bathroom, splashing as much cold water on her face as she could. It took a long while for her to calm down and after a repeating cycle of crying, steeling her nerves and crying again, she headed for the hospital.

* * * *

 Hero rang the doorbell and they all waited. It didn't take long for them to be greeted by the kind old lady with a warm and friendly smile. Basil, reluctantly at first, had talked to Sunny about his parents, and how he wondered how it felt to actually have ones. They were never there after all. Sunny on the other hand, wondered what it felt like to have grandparents, but given how Basil's grandmother treated him and how often he was in there, she felt as if she was his own too.

“Well hello there, come in, come in,” the old woman said, stepping aside.

“We brought a little something for you and Basil,” Hero said, offering the platter to her. “Is it okay if we see him?”

“Yes, yes. He's awake now. I bet he'll feel much better when he sees you,” the woman said glancing between everyone. She ushered them to Basil's bedroom. The door was open this time. “Basil, dear. Look who's here to see you.”

 Basil was in the middle of blowing his reddish nose; a small plastic trash can was by his bedside filled with balled-up tissues. He was always prone to colds so it didn't really surprise anyone he was the first one the cold weather took a toll on. “O-Oh, hi everyone,” Basil greeted with an embarassed smile, letting out a small cough.

Kel grimaced at all the snot filled tissues. Basil seemed to notice. “S-Sorry about the mess,” he apologized.

“How are you feeling, Basil?” Aubrey asked. She was the first one to walk closer to him, but the old lady's voice stopped her midway.

“Don't get too close, sweetie. We don't want you to catch his cold too,” she disinclined. “Your friends brought you something sweet to cheer you up, Basil,” she added with a content smile. “I'll keep it in the fridge so you can have after you eat your soup.”

“Okay, grandma,” Basil said with a tired smile. The old woman left the friend group alone to talk and turn the stove off.

“How're you doing, Basil?” Hero asked.

 Basil sat up a bit more to properly look at everyone. His head no longer hurt after taking a nap and the tea with honey his grandma had made for him before had helped a little. “I feel a little better after sleeping,” he replied. “Thank you for coming to see me,” he added, glancing between everyone except one person that was missing. Maybe he was delirious from the previous fever, but he could've sworn he saw him.

“Mari wishes you get well soon. She wanted to come here too, but... something came up,” Hero said briefly. Mari had stayed behind because she didn't want to strain her knee anymore today.

“Why don't you eat some of that stuff you were talking about last time?” Kel asked, putting his hands on his hips, thinking. “Echon – Echen – Ugh. You said it could heal colds and all,” he reminded him.

Basil huffed a small laugh. “I think the word you're trying to find is echinacea, Kel.”

Kel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that I guess. Well?”

“Well, you don't... eat it. You make some tea out of it,” Basil corrected with a small chuckle. If he could inform his friends about the healing properties of flowers all day, he would, but he didn't want to tire them. Mother nature was impressive, and using the correct things, you could heal and cure a lot of things. Of course, not everything. “Those mostly appear during spring and summer or else my grandma would've gathered some,” he added apologetically when they all realized something collectively.

“Uh, where did Sunny go?” Kel asked.

*   

It's fine, it's fine. He didn't do it, you were there in time.

Basil stood still, staring out the window. The room was barely lit thanks to the moonlight, allowing Sunny to see just enough.

“Ah... Sunny... It's just you...”

 If Sunny hadn't walked in there that day, Basil would be dead. And that would've been Sunny's fault. Because as much as he'd sometimes want to blame Basil for making things worse with what he did, Basil did it because he was scared of the same thing: Everyone hating Sunny because of what happened.

“...You couldn't have done it. It was something behind you... wasn't it?”

Ah. That's right. Even at that point, even after Sunny didn't ever explain anything to him, didn't open his mouth to utter a single word about how things came to be that day, Basil still refused to doubt him. No matter the hurt and anger, there was still a part of Basil that still believed in Sunny.

“After all this time... you've finally come back for me. But tomorrow... you're going away.”

That's right. For as long as Sunny was going to let the silence encompass him, day by day his mind forgetting what mattered, forgetting the truth along with Mari's words and his promise to Basil, his friend would be left behind, to deal with this horrible secret.

“There's no way out of this, is there?”

 Basil would stop dealing with this horrible secret once and for all. But even then, Sunny was still scared. He tried to leave the room, only for Basil to stop him. And as much as Sunny would like to pretend he wasn't over what happened because he truly doesn't regret walking in there and preventing what could've been, the moment he saw Basil's room, the memory of the shiny end of the blades hacking him and eventually meeting his eye had him shaking.

 Sunny rushed back home, bursting the door open and panting. He coughed because the cold wind outside made his throat ache with what felt like an inner frostbite. One more thing. He had to check one more thing. His mother yelled something about how he slammed the door open, but it went ignored.

He opened the glass door swiftly.

“Sunny, close the door! It's freezing,” his father admonished. Sunny walked outside with hasty steps, until he met the cursed tree.

 With jittery eyes he looked up at it. The tree stood much taller than him, just as big as he remembered. Winter had cost it of its leaves, covering it with snow instead. Just snow. Something else was missing thankfully, but in his mind's eye he could see it just as clearly as he remembered.

 He heard Mari call his name and just left her behind, rushing forward, his shoes sinking into the soft white pile underneath, slowing his pace down just a bit. He wanted to check something else, just in case. At this point he was starting to think about all the impossible outcomes.

 He stumbled and almost fell, but found his grounding, reaching his destination. He couldn't be mistaken, that was the one, the widest and tallest tree closer to the house, but again, something was missing. The treehouse wasn't there. It didn't look like it was removed, no. It looked like it had never been built in the first place.

 With her own jacket hurriedly put on and his own in her hands, Mari walked up to him with struggling steps. Sunny hadn't even bothered turning around to acknowledge her as his mind wandered, causing him to flinch when he felt the woolen piece of clothing wrapped around him. He turned to look at her.

 She looked troubled and frustrated. “Sunny, will you please tell me what's going on?” She furrowed her brows. “...What's with that look?” Worried, her tone comforting, but concerned. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” She pressed a patient hand on Sunny's shoulder. “Did I do something?”

 Sunny had to force himself not to recoil from her touch. He didn't want Mari to be nice to him right now. That's not what he needed. He needed her to accuse him, berate him how he took her life, took her away from everyone, from everything she could have. He hated how he knew Mari would never do that. No matter the reason. But the nicer they were all being to him right now – the kinder she was being to him right now, the more Sunny regretted what he did.

It didn't matter. This had no meaning. But after seeing everyone...

No...

“You've been saying some... odd things, too. What's with that?”

It's... Don't think about that now. There's no point. Soon, this will be over, won't it? That's right, that's why this was probably happening. To remind him what he felt when he realized he was dying.

Sunny shifted his gaze elsewhere. “I'm sorry...”

Mari frowned. “See, you keep saying that. Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything wrong,” she assured, tilting her head so she could see his face when he lowered his head.

He gave up too soon. It was hard, it was suffocating, but... But now, he couldn't help but wonder about so many things. He thought he'd feel at peace, but it wasn't the case in the least.

 Mari's brows angled upwards when to her unfortunate surprise Sunny started crying quietly again. Why all of a sudden? These past few days everything was going well. Sunny was happy and excited for the gift they got for him. Despite being usually so shy about putting himself in the spotlight, he even played his new violin for them all too. New years was fun, celebrating Hero's birthday was fun. They've all been hanging out, playing in the snow, watching silly movies at home – everything they all enjoyed doing.

“Sunny, please,” she prompted. “Won't you tell me what's going on?”

Sunny shook his head, letting his hair fall in disarray on his forehead.

 Pulling him closer for a hug, Mari pressed a hand on top of his head. “I'll listen to you if you tell me. What's troubling you so much?” She continued when Sunny gripped the back of her shirt. “You know it's fine if you made a mistake. But we can talk about it, you know? I promise you'll feel better...”

 His sister had told him that before. Sunny never forgot. And now, he was starting to realize that maybe he messed up for good with what he did. He should have tried harder... He should've stayed. How could he ignore everything a second time...

“...I think...” he started dubiously. “I think I made a mistake...” he whimpered.

“That's okay,” Mari comforted. “We can try and fix it, alright?”

Sunny shook his head again. “We can't... I can't fix this one... I... I failed you...”

 And Mari thought she was confused before. She tried to bring some levity into this by laughing faintly through her nose and pulling herself back so they could talk. “What's with that? Why're you being so serious all of a sudden?” she asked teasingly, but it seemed to fail.

 Sunny looked at her in disbelief, his mouth left slightly opened. “You know what... what I mean,” Sunny let out, steadying his voice. “This is because of what I did, isn't it? Because I ran away again... I'm sorry, but I couldn't do it anymore... So please...! Stop pretending...” He pleaded. He had enough. How much time had passed since he'd found himself there? Wasn't it enough already? It sure felt like it.

“Pret- I'm not pretending! I just don't understand what you're saying, Sunny,” Mari reasoned out, moving her hands for emphasis.

“Yes, you do! You know what I'm talking about.” Mari opened her mouth to speak, but he got to her first. “This!” He motioned with his hand to point at the lack of the treehouse. Then pointed forward with a shaky finger, towards the tree he'd seen her hanging from. “Everything... And because I-” he placed his palm on his stomach. “This is why this is happening... right? Why I'm here. To remind me I messed up...”

“Sunny, I'm... not following.” Mari admitted puzzled. It seemed to aggravate her little brother, because he gritted his teeth.

“I tried! I really did!” He said in an exasperated tone. “Because I believed that's what you'd want me to do! But... but even though I tried, I kept thinking... I thought I'd never feel okay. Every day was so hard-”

“What are you-”

“I tried forgiving myself... But I gave up... I know I made a... a mistake,” he admitted remorsefully. There! He admitted it... Maybe this wasn't the right decision. Maybe he should've tried to push through a bit more... What was his mother doing right now? What were the others doing right now? Before, he'd been wanting to ask, but he was too scared to call them. Seeing how he never got news from them, he thought they wanted nothing to do with him, and maybe that was true. But instead of being so scared, he should've tried to get the answer himself. But now...

If it wasn't for Sunny's mortified expression, Mari would've reacted differently. “Sunny, are you – Is this some kind of joke...? Is that what's been going on?”

Sunny clicked his tongue. “Stop doing that! You know what I'm talking about...!”

“No, I don't! And I'm starting to get worried...” Mari said, a clam of sweat forming on her temple. “'Forgive yourself' for what? No matter what you did, I'll hear you out-”

“I killed you!”

 Mari didn't have time to make a comment, Sunny decided to continue. Did he have to say it out loud again? Is that what it was? “I pushed you down the stairs and you-” he paused, catching his breath. “Y-You fell. You died...! And we took you-”

“Sunny...” Mari asked, her brows knitted together. “Did you... get hurt last night?” She tried to reach a hand out. “Is that why you're confus-”

“I'm not confused! I broke the violin that day! The day of the recital...” Sunny took a shaky breath, choking the next words out. “I knew I was gonna mess up and we got into a fight!”

 Mari watched as her brother kept taking steps back, struggling to catch his breath as he looked to be recalling something odious. She was starting to get a little scared. “What recital... Sunny, we haven't even chosen what piece to play – W-Why are you saying stuff like that?” She sounded like she was scolding him at this point.

“Stay away!” Sunny barked, stumbling when he stepped on one of his toys. It had been covered in snow, hidden perfectly. He tripped over it and fell on his back.

“Wha-”

“I said stay away!” He snapped, hiding his face in his knees, his tremors alarming. Hearing him repeat that thing when she walked closer and seeing him like this made Mari's eyes well up.

Before he could say the same thing, crunchy footsteps in the snow interrupted them both.

“...Is,” Hero started hesitantly, but the answer was obvious. He asked anyway. “everything alright?”

Sunny stayed quiet. He would've liked to run away from there, but his limbs were shaking as he struggled to calm down.

“I don't know what's happening,” Mari said, looking lost, her voice wavering. “I don't understand what's wrong...! H-He keeps saying-”

“I... I heard,” Hero admitted, looking just as confused. Leaving Basil's place before, they could see the footprints left behind by Sunny that led back to their home. On his way back, he told Kel to head home since it had started snowing again, just like Aubrey did and just in case he thought he'd check in with Mari.

 Mari decided to try and approach Sunny again when she heard his erratic breathing, making it hard for him to fight back or speak. She pulled his hands away from his face and held them, trying to put on a brave face. It was hard to do, even when Sunny was anxious, something like this never happened. “Sunny... Let's calm down, okay?” She asked lightly.

Hero crouched down next to them too, pressing a reassuring hand on Sunny's shoulder. “I'm right here with you,” Mari said. “...Take a deep breath and open your eyes,” she prompted.

“Yeah, we're right here, Sunny,” he chimed in.

 Sunny took a deep breath, tried to hold it and released it. No matter how many times he got panic attacks, it was never easy to calm down and compose himself. When you're in a tranquil state, it's easy to go over the theory of what helps and whatnot, but putting that to use during one was easier said than done.

“We'll talk about everything, okay? Just... deep breaths for now,” Mari assured, unconsciously mimicking what she'd told Sunny to do, maybe to calm her own nerves down.

 Sunny's clouded mind berated him with all those familiar harsh words he'd grown used to telling himself, yet hearing to the other two helped. Was it right that it helped? Through the muffled sounds of the world around him, Sunny could hear them murmuring something he couldn't make out.

“Sunny? Are you feeling better?” Sunny shook his head, barely able to register the words. The air felt too thick for his lungs.

“Maybe we should head inside where it's warm,” Hero suggested instead.

* * * *

 While staring at the bright colored leaves on the ground, all the shades of red and yellow making a contrast against the muted green of the grass, the barking of a dog snapped Basil out of his languor. He'd been spacing out, thinking about things for so long he hadn't even noticed how much time had passed.

 It was still early, but the sky had darkened just a bit, the scent in the air hinting it would rain any second now. Ah. Their walk at the park would be cut too short yet again. A shame. He liked it there. He liked looking at the world around him, taking in the images, the smells, everything. It had barely been a week after getting out from the confined safe place than only had this much to offer aside from the peering eyes no matter what he was doing. Three whole months he was in there. Six days he's been trying to get used to his new home in Wellsprings. He was so far away from his grandma's home, but maybe that was for the best.

“...Should we get going? The weather's not looking so good,” his mother suggested, taking her umbrella out of her bag just in case. The humidity was already bad enough for her hair, she didn't want to mess it up completely if it ended up raining.

 Basil nodded, letting out a small hum and followed suit, reaching the maroon colored car and getting in the backseat. His hands were already sweating. He was barely late to take his medication and the after-effects on his body were apparent. Either that, or his ongoing anxiety was just making them more obvious.

“We'll be having some friends from work over tonight,” his mother announced. “Is that okay with you?” She looked nervous, making the last question sound as if Basil would punish her somehow if he disagreed. And why would he disagree? He never disagreed. He went along with anything they'd tell him to do, whether because he was desperate for an ounce of their love or simply because he was exhausted emotionally.

“Yes...” He replied, turning his attention outside the window, looking at the street they left behind.

“We won't have-” the woman cut herself off, “What happened yesterday... won't happen again, right?” She asked nervously. Basil's vision slowly turned blurry, but he blinked the tears that were gathering away.

“No...” He said weakly. “...I was just worried before. It won't happen again.”

 A horrible gut feeling, that's what it was the previous day. The iris that had been keeping him company all throughout the days in the psychiatric hospital just withered all of a sudden. He had expected the flower's life span to be nearing its end since it had already long passed the limit, but his anxiety whispered bad things in his ears.

 To his unfortunate surprise, although maybe he should've expected it, Sunny's mother wouldn't pick up the phone when they called. He wondered if Sunny realized he actually hated him now that he was away from all of that horrible mass of things that was connected to him in Faraway. Maybe now that Sunny could have a fresh start, he decided he wanted nothing to do with all of that anymore. Basil wouldn't blame him, but he couldn't hide how he truly felt. Alone and abandoned, yet again.

 Taking a few more turns, the family reached their home. Now that he'd grown up a bit, the resemblance to his mother was reduced due to his face changing, maturing just a bit. But the color of his hair and eyes easily betrayed he was her child. Maybe Basil hated that.

 She didn't look her age, Basil had noted. Before, it had taken him six whole years to see his parents, and even then, it was only for a day – actually half a day. “It's a hard job being a flight attendant. It's not like those stupid movies make it out to be, just having to doll up and flash a kind smile.” That's what his mother had said. Basil didn't doubt that, but it didn't lessen the hurt and bitterness for her not being there.

 His grandma always told him that people make bad choices in their lives, and that we shouldn't always judge them for that. When it came to his parents however, she had told him that whatever it was he felt towards them, would be right, whether it was love or anger. Everything reminded him of her and how much he missed her. The minimalistic décor in this big house made him miss the warmth of everything she'd ever knitted for him. The tasteless food reminded him of how much of a good cook she had been, always making sure he ate properly. He felt alone in there. He didn't belong here.

But where did he belong anyway? He felt so alone.

“You're back early,” his father commented, throwing the cigarette's butt out the window.

“You can figure out why,” his mother replied with a sigh after a thunder echoed.

Basil headed for his room, but stopped when his father spoke to him. “You feeling better after a walk?” It was hard figuring out if his father's smile was genuine, and maybe it was, at least it looked like it. Perhaps Basil was being overly suspicious of everything. He couldn't help it. He'd still catch himself feeling like he had eyes all over him, checking on how he was doing.

“Yes... The city is really nice,” Basil said with a strained smile.

“We should all go out and eat tomorrow,” his father suggested eagerly, folding the newspaper he was holding. “Oh, almost forgot. Your pal from Faraway called while you were out.”

Chapter Text

Shouting.

 Kel turned to the other side, already drifting off again. It was a little uncomfortable since he wasn't exactly sleeping on a mattress, but he was so content and tired that he didn't care. Sure, he was sad that Sunny was moving away the following morning, but he wouldn't show it; maybe Sunny was nervous about this big change, and that would make things worse for him. Besides, Kel knew for certain they'd keep in touch now that his friend had decided to spend the last days with them; Kel had thought maybe he'd forgotten all about them before.

“...el!”

How much had Kel missed this. Things felt different, he couldn't deny it, but that didn't matter. If they stuck together from now on, things might just go back to the way they used to be!

“...mbulance!”

Kel's brow furrowed. Someone was being noisy, but he didn't want to move. The pillow was too comfy.

“...KEL! AUBREY!”

Kel's eyes opened just a bit, the vestiges of sleep still lingering in his body. What was that? Hero?

“SUNNY!”

 He sat up, whipping his head towards the sound and blinked in confusion. Aubrey was still sleeping, but Kel caught glimpse of her eyelids trembling when he got up and rushed towards the source of the sound: Basil's room.

His eyes widened up, his body froze and he was left to stare at the scene in front of him unable to look away.

“Come on, Sunny – K-Kel! Call an ambulance!” Hero shouted when he noticed him, yet the words didn't register in Kel's brain. His eyes trailed towards Sunny who was unconscious. Hero was holding him, pressing a cloth on the side of his face, panicking. And if Hero was panicking, Kel knew he should be panicking too.

 And so was Polly however. She was pale, her whole body shaking. She was checking Basil's pulse who seemed to be in and out of consciousness for a bit before going lax in her arms. She kept trying to wake him up with tears in her eyes. What... was going on...?

“Wh-What h-ha-”

“Hurry up!” Hero barked, snapping him out of his stupor and Kel quickly ran to do as he was told, ignoring Aubrey walking in there before letting out a loud gasp accompanied by a stuttering mess of yelling words.

*

The loud thumping of something plastic started getting on Kel's nerves, making him roll on his back. Sally was probably taking it out on a toy he figured.

 He'd already been awake for a while now, but he felt too lazy to get up. It was one of those days he'd like to skip school, if only his mother wouldn't pester him about it. It wouldn't be a lie if he told her he wasn't feeling well today nonetheless.

 Still, he dragged himself out of bed and headed for the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. He wasn't one to have nightmares often before, but lately he'd get one at least once a week and it was mostly about what he saw that night at Basil's house.

 Getting dressed in a hasty manner he stood still, staring at his brother's bed, his eyes lowering. He tried to smother a frown and half-succeeded. He didn't have time to ponder on that, he wanted to use the extra time he had to go for a run.

 As he walked down the stairs he wondered if his brother, would too, never look at them the same way again, like he wasn't currently. The stairs still looked like stairs, but something about them felt tainted now.

“'Morning, ma,” Kel greeted, opening up the fridge's door and grabbed the carton containing orange juice, gulping some down quickly. He didn't feel like eating breakfast today.

“Good morning, Kel,” his mother greeted back, wiping Sally's face. “Why the rush? You still have time,” she asked, feeding Sally another spoonful of that delicious smelling fruit yoghurt. Kel was guilty of stealing a bite sometimes. Sally didn't seem to mind either, just giggled or gave him that constipated look that was the baby version of intimidating. It looked hilarious every single time.

“I wanna go for a run.” He pinched Sally's squishy cheek, earning a silly face, something between a pout and confusion.

“Where you find all this energy I'll never understand.” His mother heaved a sigh, moving the little spoon around to gather any leftover yoghurt and Sally widened her eyes as she bit down at the spoon. “Your father's ordered a few things from Fix-It. Go pick them up for him after school, will you?” Almost as an afterthought with a groan she added, “His back has been acting up again.”

“Sure thing,” Kel assured, not having to think twice about it. The more he kept his brain occupied, the better... And his mother was always glad to do that for him too. At least she found he was responsible.

He tugged at Sally's ponytail weakly to get her attention, but she looked grumpy today. A pity; she usually laughed when he did that and did the same back to him.

“Welp, I better get going. See you two later!” He got up from his seat, grabbed his bag from the floor and rushed for the door.

“Wait! The money, Kel!” his mother called out, gesticulating for him to come closer.

*

Running helped most of the time.

 So Kel ran, and ran, and ran, until he felt his calves burning and his muscles tensing up. He'd either have to focus on his thoughts, or the strain in his body, so the latter was the better option. So he's been running as much as he could, trying to contain his focus on things so his thoughts wouldn't wander too much.

Until that stopped working.

 About a week ago, the more Kel ran, the more his mind turned the words he'd heard into pictures, and the more he saw those pictures in his mind's eye, the more his chest tightened until he gave in to the urge to cry and he hated doing that. But how could he not? Just when everyone was back together, they had scattered yet again for what felt like for good. Even he found it impossible for things to ever be like what they used to be after what Sunny and Basil said they had done.

 Poor Mari... Why did something like that had to happen? He didn't doubt Sunny's words about not meaning to hurt her, that was obvious. Sunny loved Mari. She was... She was his sister. He cared so much about her – Everyone cared so much about her. They all did. Kel did. And Sunny would never hurt anyone.

But why? Why did he hide it? Why did him and Basil have to lie? Why did they have to do what they had done afterwards... How could they do that...

 Kel had tried to picture himself in Sunny's shoes, and he hated the thought. He would never be able to take it, being responsible for Hero's death. And trying to cover the truth like that? He'd never do that.

 It was that train of thought that explained why Sunny had hidden himself from the world. Kel would've probably done the same thing, if not worse... But also a train of thought that made his friends feel like strangers when he brought their faces or the memories they'd share together in his mind. And that scared him...

 He wanted to slap himself for his idiocy. He had really thought things would have gotten better after Sunny walked out of his house. Despite people thinking he was dumb or tactless, Kel wasn't, but he'd long stopped trying to prove that to others. That opinion hurt, sometimes more, sometimes less, but what could he do? He'd gotten used to this, and maybe it was his fault for letting himself get used to this.

 He wasn't blind either, he had seen that Sunny hadn't been doing well. It made sense. He wasn't talking to others, he wasn't going to school, he was just... in the house, staying in there, doing who knows what. Anytime Kel had tried to visit, his mother said he couldn't see anyone yet and that when he felt ready, he would come out on his own. And that kept happening for years, until even Kel's visits had started to grow less frequent.

What could've prepared him to learn the reason why?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

 Kel had thought that since Sunny had decided to put an end to that isolation he had chosen for himself, that he'd have his best friend back. Sure, Kel had friends, and he had tried to make plenty, but it was never the same. He never managed to have what he used to have with the others.

Sunny was the first step.

 Then came Basil. If Basil thought he had no right to call himself their friend, Kel just had to prove him that wasn't true. Sure... Basil was a little jumpy – maybe a little too much. But Basil always tended to be a bit nervous, and if Aubrey had been bullying him, more or less stolen his precious photo album he had created to remember the good stuff, it explained why he had looked so worried. But if Aubrey apologized to him, everything would be solved! Basil has always been a good guy, kind and forgiving. Even if Aubrey had hurt him, Kel knew Basil would forgive her after seeing that she had regretted her actions.

 And Aubrey... After resolving things with her, Kel truly thought that was it. He'd have everyone back. After the promise him and his brother made to her, he got his hopes up. They'd never separate again, that's what he had believed at that moment. And maybe that way, with everyone back together, Hero might open up a bit. Maybe there would be a day he'd be able to visit Mari without looking like it was his fault she was gone too.

But all of it fell apart at the hospital as if none of that had ever even happened.

 And now, they were acting like strangers once again. Strangers with a horrible secret they learned. This... should have brought them together, right? Last time, when they were all having such a hard time, the same thing had happened, and they had all regretted it. So why... Why were they repeating it?

* * * *

“I think we should keep the decorations up until next month this time,” Mari's mother said, readjusting one of the girlands she had decorated the fireplace with. Seeing how she wasn't responding, she pressed on. “What do you think, Mari?”

“Oh,” Mari realized she'd been spacing out, losing herself in her thoughts. “...What did you ask?” she said with an apologetic smile.

 Her mother's expression shifted into a patient one. She let go of the glittery decoration and sat beside her daughter, pulling her close so Mari could rest her head on her shoulder. “Why are you looking so worried again, sweetie?”

Mari frowned and her mother shook her a bit as if to snap her out of it. “Sunny's just fine. So why are you so deep in thought?” the woman continued.

 Mari found the question stupid. It'd already been three days after those... things Sunny kept saying, with no indication of willing to admit he was just making a really bad joke or something. Just the opposite, he was just being even quieter than he usually was. Sunny had been in a state of panic they all had a really hard time getting him out of that day, and even after that, he kept repeating those words accompanied by an apology every time he stopped to take a breath.

“How is he doing better, mom? He's still... so jumpy around us – especially me. He doesn't even want to sleep here anymore – I bet it's 'cause I'm here! Why is he acting like this? Why would he...” Her eyes burned in the back. “Why would he say those awful things all of a-”

“Shh,” her mother cooed, inhaling deeply through her nose. “He was confused, dear... Remember what the doctor said?”

 Mari slowly nodded, letting out a quiet hum. He was fine, nothing wrong, no injuries whatsoever. And when their father mentioned the unusual sleepwalking, the doctor said it could explain the confusion, informing them of how even if you talk to someone while it is happening, they may even partially respond or say things that don't make sense.

 In the end, all they got was something to calm him down, a piece of advice about what to do if it happened again, a list of things that could trigger it and that another appointment should be made if it happens regularly.

“Then come on, cheer up,” Charlotte hummed, trying to sound more cheery. “...How about we all go to the mall tomorrow?”

Mari raised a brow. With the slightest tinge of amusement in her voice she made a comment. “Dad?”

 Her mother nodded, matching Mari's expression. Of course. Dad always thought the solution when being down in the dumps was a visit to the mall, and it was rather funny. But maybe now it was a good idea, and hopefully it'd work.

 Charlotte was relieved to see Mari looking less tense than before. Thankfully she was good at hiding her worries from her children and hopefully whatever that was that happened to Sunny before, wouldn't occur again. In her mind, she'd like to think it was something like those colds that lasted for twenty-four hours and the moment you felt better you forgot you ever felt sick in the first place. And her son got anxious easily, and despite trying not to show it, Charlotte could see right through it. Maybe he was stressed about something again.

 Seeing her daughter and Hero half-carrying Sunny back inside, shivering and crying, unable to breathe had all the blood drained from her face. She thought something was happening to him physically – that something wrong was going on with his body.

 Her husband had the same reaction, he rushed to him and took him in his arms frantically, carrying him in the car to get him to the hospital after realizing he couldn't even respond to them. The whole ride there was torture, but before they could even get there, Sunny seemed to have calmed down just a bit, however he was eerily quiet if only for the occasional sobbing.

“What's wrong? D-Does it hurt somewhere?”

Sunny didn't respond to her.

“Sunny! What is it? What do you feel?”

He didn't respond to her husband either, not even the doctor, as if he couldn't even hear their voices. His eyes seemed focused elsewhere; Charlotte tried not to think too much about that.

On their way back, he stayed firmly close to her, mumbling things that made no sense again even though he seemed calmer than before.

“How do you feel, dear? Want some water?”

Sunny numbly shook his head.

“Do you feel a little better?” She asked, rubbing circles on his back.

“...Mom...”

“Yes? What is it, sweetie?” she prompted.

“...I'm sorry.”

“...Sunny, please. What is it? Why do you keep apologizing to us?”

Silence.

“Mari is right there at home. She's just fine, just worried about you. You're fine too, so-”

“S-Stop...” Charlotte froze. “Please stop... I don't want to hear anymore...”

“Sunny!” his father spoke, and he was trying not to sound as strict as he did, but this was starting to get out of hand.

 Sunny flinched, retreating further into his mother. His father noticed and pulled to the side of the road, remaining quiet for a long moment. He turned his head and looked at his son who was all curled up, burying his face away from him. The man looked at his wife, their concerned expressions matching.

He gave up on what he was going to say and stifled a sigh. “I don't know what this is... But stop it.” A sigh. “Nothing was wrong. You'll feel better at home,” he added, forcing a more placid tone.

 It was a good thing the Díaz family was always more than welcoming towards them and their children, letting Sunny sleep there again. If they didn't live right next to them, neither Charlotte nor her husband would allow it; they wanted to be there in time just in case anything happened again. However it'd be the last time she'd allow that this week.

“Wanna try and teach me a bit again? That song your were playing last time was really pretty,” Charlotte suggested.

* * * *

Silence.

 All Kel had managed to get out was a “Hey, Mari!” and he'd been staring at her grave for far too long, getting antsy. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know where to start. Every single time he's visited after learning what had really happened to her, he just greeted her, repeated how sorry he felt for what had really happened and that he didn't know what to do with that knowledge.

He stepped closer, sitting down on the ground and picked on the grass to his left, his expression turning sour.

“C-Come on, Hero...” Kel asked, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder to refrain him from leaving. “Don't leave... Let's- Let's talk about this. I can't... I can't process this on my own...”

While Kel looked lost and his voice was shaky, his stomach corded up, his brother seemed transfixed by his own line of thinking, either not noticing, or not caring enough to do so right now.

“Talk about this...? Process this...?” Hero asked in disbelief. “What is there to process!?” Hero's eyes shook and cold fury reached them. The sharp intake of his breath was wrathful yet all that came out after those questions was nothing. Just silence. Silence that was ugly and palpable and felt thick like tar.

“Hey, Mari...” Kel mustered a grin. It made his cheeks hurt. “Ah, I already said that, didn't I?” A faint chuckle. “...I guess I really don't know what to say.” He started messing with his shoelaces, trying to keep his hands occupied. “We had practice today! I... did pretty bad. At the one thing I'm supposed to be good at...” His forced smile faltered.

He had to snap out of it. Maybe he'd call Hero and try to get him to come visit soon. Maybe he's feeling a little better?

“...Exactly.” Hero stated, his voice stern. It contradicted his face that was now contorting into a scowl, hinting hurt.

“I-... I don't know...” Kel admitted sincerely. His brows angled upwards and he sounded mournful. He didn't know what he wanted to say, he didn't know what he wanted Hero to say either. “I can't deal with this alone...”

 Hero screwed his eyes shut, he pinched the bridge of his nose and clicked his tongue. The tone of his voice had barely softened afterwards, and Kel could tell Hero had a hard time keeping himself composed. “I was going to leave either way, Kel... I can't take time off. I can't miss any classes, I can't afford that-”

“You can't miss-!” Kel tried to keep his voice from rising, but failed. “Please, Hero. I'm – I really don't know what to do...! I can't-... What do we do now? Wh-What are you gonna do now?” He asked, sounding worried and petulant. “'Cause it feels like you wanna stay away for-”

“I don't want to stay here, Kel!”

 Hero's expression resembled one Kel didn't want to see on his brother's face again. Hero's eyes were shiny now and the black color encircling them was accentuated because of the expression he now wore. It resembled those horrible days Kel had lost his brother to, for a whole year after Mari's death.

Kel felt panic rose in him like viscous bile.

“All this time I spent thinking – Trying to figure out what was going on through her head – All this time I couldn't understand-! What it was that pushed her...” Hero put a hand on his eyes, covering them as he let out a strangled laugh that resembled a cry. And then he did start to cry, clenching his teeth so hard Kel could've sworn he heard him grinding them. He tried to reach a hand out to his brother.

“Hero...” But Hero was acting as if he was all alone in that room.

“All of it... All that time thinking – Everything... All for nothing,” Hero murmured.

“I-I know what you're – I get what you're saying Hero, but... Please let's just...”

Who was he kidding. This was Hero. He wouldn't be feeling better, and Kel was worried again.

“We might be competing against other schools for the winter. You think I'll do good?” A sigh. “I'd like to believe I'll do good...”

 He briefly recalled his friend Cris who's swimming team will be doing the same. It was nice that at least he had someone that understood the things that come with their athletic hobbies: the joy when their performance peaked, that particular disappointment after not doing good and the thrill when it comes to competition.

“The others are the same as always. Mikhael now keeps making fun of my name. Says it's a girly name,” Kel continued indifferently. “The guy that calls himself “The Maverick” makes fun of my name,” he added, shaking his head. He wasn't bothered, he couldn't care less, more or less now that his mind was preoccupied by other important matters.

“I tried talking to Aubrey again, but... she doesn't want to talk about any of that. She's acting like Hero... M-Maybe I should be doing the same thing,” he added, taking a shaky breath. “This is so stupid... H-Honestly, I keep saying we should talk about things, but... I've no idea what I mean by that.”

 The leaves had fallen from the trees and it's been getting more chilly lately. November was just around the corner... He wondered what his birthday would be like this year. He wished he was able to get excited about it, but something told him it'd turn out even worse than his thirteenth one and he hated thinking about that. Everything felt like a repeat...

“New family moved in your house today... They seem nice,” Kel said incongruously. He tried to extemporize and speak about random things. “I... might walk by. Say 'hi' if they're outside...”

 A few days ago, due to every door and window being open, he could hear them messing around with the piano – just the faintest sound – not even playing, just pressing keys at random. He had thought Sunny's mother would've taken the instrument with them, but it looked like they had left it behind. Sunny's mother... Did she know? Had Sunny told her? If yes, how did she react? Was she... okay with it? Maybe she didn't know. If Sunny was scared to tell them, telling the truth to his own mother sounded – His head felt like mush.

“I'm so sorry about what happened to you, Mari... And I don't – I-I don't know what to tell Sunny. I really don't know... So I haven't tried to give him a call or anything. I know he was hurt before, his eye even...” A deep breath. “I don't know if I can talk to him... I don't know if I hate him for what he did, Mari... I believe you wouldn't want us to do that either... But what they did to you was-”

It felt like Mari's funeral all over again. Even back then, he couldn't tell how he was feeling, it was all so confusing. If he was asked to put a name on his emotions back then, he wouldn't be able to do it.

 And Basil – he had no idea about Basil either. But he did know he was committed to a facility after what he did. What did that even mean? Was the Basil he knew just... gone? Did he... lose it completely? It sounded mean to think this way about someone he was friends with, but he was in the dark. Last time he spoke to him was before the incident in the lake; everything was a blur afterwards and then his parents came and took him.

“I'll... get going.” He stood up, feeling a headache start to form-

“Finally!” Kim groaned, letting out a long exhale. Kel just flinched from the sudden cry. “Tsk, listen. I kinda... Ugh,” she grumbled, watching a confused Kel approach her.

“You were looking for me?” Kel arched a brow. “How'd you find me here?”

 Kim clicked her tongue again. If it wasn't for Charlene she wouldn't be doing this right now. “I kinda... asked your mom. She figured you were here again. That's what she said. ANYWAY, that's not the point! The point is...”

Kim squinted her eyes at him and let out a long exhale, proceeding to explain everything quickly.

“You WHAT!?”

* * * *

“Tsk, for fuck's sake. Just do it already!”

“It's stuck.” Vance explained, letting out a huff.

“Then unstuck it! It can't be that hard,” Kim complained, pestering her brother for the umpteenth time.

 Vance let go of the window, turning to give his sister a skeptical look. While he didn't mind doing this, it just didn't seem like a good idea. He crossed his arms. “You sure about this? I mean... What are you gonna say anyway?”

“When I DO get in there and IF I manage to find what I want, I'll think about that,” Kim shot back, getting frustrated with this.

“Aaand... that will help with Aubrey's situation how?” Vance asked noncomittally, resting his back against the wall.

Kim furrowed her brows at him. “Didn't you hear what Angel said?”

“Yeah, I did, but he said Aubrey told him to let it go, right?”

Kim scoffed, trying to open the window herself, more determined than ever to get this done. She tried to use as much strength as she could muster and pushed, feeling the blood roar in her ears.

“I get it, you're angry, but maybe this will make things worse between you too,” Vance said, giving her a knowing look only to earn a pair of narrowed eyes.

“I don't care!” Kim said, trying to sound indifferent, but failed. She gave the window a good smack and hissed in pain, holding her hand while stomping her foot on the ground.

 Vance gently pushed her aside, crushing the hard candy he had in his mouth with his teeth and rubbed his hands together. Kim saw the determined look on his face and watched intently, hoping the window – SHIT!

 The glass rattled, shaking as if it'd fall down any second now. The siblings winced, throwing a glance at each other before turning their attention back to it, relieved to see it was just fine. It was loud however, the noise it made when it hit the other end could've been heard.

After checking their surroundings and figuring they were safe, Kim spoke. “Come on, we have to hurry,” she urged. “Gimme a boost!”

“You really gonna do this? Remember what happened in there last time?”

Kim rolled her eyes, using his brother's palm to jump into the window. She tripped over her step, but found her footing, successfully getting in there with a grunt. “Make this quick, Kim,” Vance urged.

“I know already!” Kim started peering around the empty house. It felt a bit cold in there, or maybe it was her nerves. She tried to picture what had happened in there that night, but the more she looked at the clean room, the harder it was to believe. Did that dweeb really lose it and started attacking Sunny?

 Curiously, she examined the floor, the morbid side of her wondering if perhaps there was evidence left behind or something, maybe a scrape or a splatter of blood on it, but nothing. “Are you just standing around?” Vance asked, trying to take a peek inside too.

“Still safe?” Kim asked hurriedly.

“Yeah, but hurry up!”

 Kim rushed to the hall, easily finding the living room. Old people always wrote things down not to forget, be it a planner for their pills, recipes or phone numbers, which was exactly what she was looking for right now.

Just going through the drawers in the kitchen for a bit and the notes pinned to the fridge and she found what she wanted.

Five people were sitting on the ground, cross-legged and staring at the device in the center. A little piece of paper on its side.

Silence.

“So... are you gonna make the call, or not?”

“Shut up, Mikhael!” Kim snapped, looking at the phone she borrowed from her mother. “I'm thinking about what to say...”

“Just get straight to the point,” Mikhael said simply, making a gesture for emphasis.

“What if someone else picks up?” Vance asked.

“I'll just say I'm a friend or something and ask for him,” Kim shrugged.

Charlene seemed skeptical. “What's up?” Angel asked.

“...I don't think that's a good idea,” Charlene murmured.

“Tsk,” Kim clicked her tongue and dialed the number. “I won't say much. Just ask a bit... Maybe we'll finally figure out what the hell happened this way.” She pressed the button and turned on the speakerphone for everyone to listen. “And I swear if anyone says-”

“Hello?”

“U-Uh, hi,” Kim greeted awkwardly, pausing. That was ridiculously fast! Did that guy keep his phone on him at all times or something? “...Is Basil there?”

“Who's this?”

“...A friend of his?” Why did I say that like a question! “Can I talk to him?”

“My son's not home right now. I'll tell him to call you back.” Kim noticed he didn't particularly sound cheery, maybe surprised and... the kind of joyful in the way you'd hear from those telemarketers that always called at the worst possible times.

“N-No, that's okay! I'll just call later,” Kim said quickly.

“Well at least tell me your name so I know what to tell him. He'll be happy to hear a friend called,” the man said with ease.

Kim froze, wondering why her brain had decided to stop working when she needed it the most. Just a girl name, think about anything-

“U-Uh, K-Kelsey! My name's Kelsey. Ha... ha,” Kim replied, pretending not to see the half-amused reactions of her friends around her.

“Alright, Kelsey. Do call later, will ya? He won't take long to be home, and talking with a friend will do him good,” the man idly continued. Honestly, Kim had thought her voice would've given her away, but maybe Basil hadn't talked about his own friends in Faraway before to them?

“...Okay.”

“Have a good one, kid.”

The call ended.

 Kim continued staring at the phone without even knowing why she was feeling a pang of guilt. It's not like she had to call again, she'd just put this behind her now. Maybe she should mention something to Aubrey?

“Dude. Of all the name's that's the first one you thought to say?” Mikhael asked flatly.

“Tch. It just popped in my mind, okay? After what you kept saying at school, no wonder that happened,” Kim said to her defense.

“Eh, who cares,” Angel shrugged.

Charlene stirred in her seat, wondering if she should say what she was thinking out loud. Something felt wrong about this, and eventually she said it. “...This feels wrong,” she mumbled.

“Come on, you're thinking too much into this,” Mikhael waved her off. “It's not like Kel's gonna get involved. You heard what the man said,” he shrugged. “None of his friends had called Basil.”

Everyone stared at Mikhael, his words having accentuated what they had already figured from the phone call.

“What? Suddenly you care about that gigantic idiot?” Mikhael asked, leaning his chin on his palm.

 Angel nodded eagerly in agreement, but Kim couldn't shake the feeling off. Maybe Charlene was right, and sure, her and Kel want nothing to do with each other, but maybe Kim just complicated things for Aubrey.

“Kim.” Vance called, noticing Kim was struggling with her thoughts. He just looked at her and waited until she said something. She wasn't one to be patient, and sooner or later she'd say what was on her mind.

“...I'll go tell him.” Belatedly as she stood up, she added, “Just in case...”

* * * *

“Okay, all set!” Kel said, patting the last pillow they threw inside the blanket fort.

“I think I've outdone myself,” Hero commented, admiring his work with his arms crossed.

Kel grinned, lunging himself inside the comfy space. “Kel! You're gonna-”

“It's fine, it survived! See?” Kel cut his brother off, patting the stretched blanket on his left. It wouldn't budge.

Hero heaved a sigh of defeat. He turned the other way and noticed Sunny walking in the room. “All ready?” he asked, seeing him in his pajamas.

 Sunny offered a slow nod. He didn't want to speak a lot, his throat hurt and felt scratchy from all the shouting from that day. It felt like any sort of muscle in there was strained – stretched like a thread threatening to snap any second now.

 Hero lowered the volume on the small TV they had in their room; he was planning on leaving it on for the night. Maybe he'd turn it off after Kel and Sunny had fallen asleep. Even he sometimes, after having a nightmare liked to keep it on just for some background noise, so he thought it might help Sunny a bit.

Hero squinted his eyes at his younger brother who was sprawled out on the blanket, taking up most of the space. “Kel,” he called.

 Kel lazily rolled over, leaving some space for the other two. Sunny just stood there looking at the cozy sanctuary and hesitated even when Kel patted the space next to him. “What's up? Wanna play some more video games before we catch some z's?”

 There was a muffled buzzing in Sunny's ears and he couldn't focus on the words. His fingertips felt tingly, his legs growing numb. Before his throat could start closing up, he made out Kel's confused expression and felt a hand on his back. He turned his head and saw Hero looking apprehensive.

“Everything alright...?”

“Yeah, you uh, kinda have a weird look on your face again, man,” Kel chimed in, sitting up a bit.

 Sunny lowered his head, taking a deep breath. No, nothing was alright. He was still here. Eveyday he slept and woke up he was still here and things just... happened normally while he was slowly losing himself just a bit more. Maybe he should try and just accept this? No, no... If he can't take it anymore, he'll just risk it anyway and do what he had already done before. Give up.

 The seventh of January. Around a week from now, he would start his violin lessons, that's what his mother had said in an attempt to cheer him up. That's right. He had been so excited and willing when it came to the violin at first. There's no way he'll be touching that thing again though. He could feel his palms burning just at the thought.

He scrunched his eyes closed for a moment and saw Kel standing in front of him, waving a hand in front of his face. “Hellooo~”

“Don't do that, Kel,” Hero dissuaded him, earning a shrug. “Do you... need something, Sunny? Do you not feel okay?” Truthfully, Hero was trying to make sure everything was fine, just in case. A repeat of what had happened a few days ago would be scary, and Sunny had a sort of similar look like he did back then right now.

 Sunny pressed his lips in a thin line. The guilt from receiving his friends' worry and care grew more. “...I'm okay,” he murmured, crouching down and crawling into the fort. It was just as snug and sheltered as he remembered, but it felt wrong to enjoy this.

 Kel and Hero exchanged a look, and Kel shrugged again, uncertain. But that's when Kel got the idea. Hero didn't exactly say much the other day, just that they had to take Sunny to a doctor, but turns out he was just fine! Despite that, Sunny was brooding and his brother overly cautious and it was driving Kel insane. They had to cheer up!

“Hey Sunny!”

 Sunny tried to get up, only to fall back down when a pillow hit him right on the face. A bit disoriented from the sudden action, he blinked and rubbed his nose, looking at Kel who gave him a mischievous grin and snickered.

“Too slow, dude!”

Hero stepped closer. “Kel, what are you- mmph!”

“Haha! How did you not dodge that?” Kel disapproved. “I swear every day you're turning more and more into an old man, bro.”

 Hero furrowed his brow. “Okay, you asked for it!” Hero grabbed a pillow of his own and Kel ran across the room to have more space to move. Kel easily evaded his attack, given how agile he was, crouching down just in time before attacking again. Hero managed to defend this time and smiled proudly, hitting Kel's pillow with his own and parrying the attack.

 Surreptitiously, Kel tricked his brother into thinking he was going to attack from the left. The moment he saw Hero lifting up the pillow towards that direction, he smacked him on the opposite side, causing Hero to stumble back, trip over a game controller and fall on his rear with a yelp.

“Dang it, Kel! I almost knocked the TV over,” Hero hissed.

“How's that my fault exactly?” Kel shrugged, raising a brow.

Sunny who had been watching the scene unfold in front of him hadn't even realized when his heart had started calming down and his lips had the slightest curl.

Hero stood up, fixing the hem of his shirt and his body language proved the short lived pillow fight was over. Kel however, did not, but froze when someone stood at the door frame.

“Kel! What are you up to?” Kel's mother chided, seeing how he had paused in a silly pose with the pillow ready to smack his older brother.

“...Just dusting my pillow off,” Kel said with a shaky grin, retracting it and patting it a few times to prove his point.

Elena did not believe the obvious excuse, but scolding her son wasn't what she was planning on doing right now. “It's getting late, why are you still up?” she asked, glancing between everyone.

Hero offered her a guilty smile and rubbed the side of his neck. “We were about to do that, mom. I was just looking for another blanket, but we're um... we're good now,” he explained.

“Good,” his mother nodded sagely, turning her attention to Sunny who hadn't said a word ever since walking inside the house. The boy had been looking pale and didn't eat too much during dinner. She had asked if it was the food he didn't like, but he only tried to eat some more in response after shaking his head. “All nice and comfortable, dear? You're not cold, are you?”

“...No. I'm good,” Sunny replied.

“Well if any of you need anything, wake me up,” the woman offered kindly, earning a nod from Hero. “Goodnight.”

“'Night,” the brothers said in unison.

 The boys all kept looking at her direction until she was gone and they could hear the door to her and her husband's bedroom open, then close. Finally Hero turned to the other two and urged Kel to get in the fort as he now did.

“Why'd you change it?” Kel complained when Hero changed the channels, turning the volume down a bit more.

Hero let out a resigned sigh. “Last time you watched a horror movie you couldn't sleep for a week,” he reminded him.

“Yeah I could.” Kel denied.

“You couldn't.”

“Yeah, I could!” Kel insisted, sitting up a bit.

“Kel, you kept waking me up,” Hero gave up.

Kel nudged Sunny with his elbow. “Wasn't he the one that kept hiding behind Mari last time? Tell him, dude! Back me up!”

Sunny shifted his tired gaze from Kel to Hero. He half-shrugged, too weary to think about a proper answer.

Before Kel could protest any longer, Hero got to him first. “Lie down, you're keeping us both up right now,” he said, hoping to abate Kel's competitive nature for once.

“Not until you admit you were the one that was scared,” Kel pressed on.

“Fine, fine, I was the one that got scared,” Hero said dismissively, making himself comfortable, pulling up the warm blanket. He could feel his younger brother's glare despite keeping his eyes closed, but thankfully Kel dropped it and lied down again too.

 Sunny wondered why he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes right now. He kept peering around whatever he could see to his peripheral. The phosphorescent stars he remembered were up there, stuck to the ceiling. It felt oddly comforting looking at them at the moment.

 The small bump Kel had caused when he was trying out his slingshot with rocks was there too; the light from the TV was casting a big shadow over it. He couldn't be more thankful to Hero for leaving the device on otherwise the silence would surely feel caustic.

“Hey, I saw the flour on the counter. Are you making pancakes tomorrow?” Kel asked, tucking his arms under his head. His elbow accidentally hit Sunny's temple and Sunny furrowed his brows at him.

Hero pretending to be asleep. “I can tell you're awake, stupid. Your eyelids are trembling.”

“Ouch!” Hero yelped when his brother poked one of his shut eyes.

 Hero said something to him and the familiar brotherly banter went on for a bit. Sunny closed his eyes, covering half his face with the soft covers and nuzzled against them, feeling himself deflate. Nothing. Mari knew nothing. His parents knew nothing. His friends knew nothing, as if nothing had ever happened in the first place. As if his life was a board game and its creator pulled him up and placed him back at a certain point after his turn was over.

 Would he eventually get used to this? When would he be reaching the finish line – What was the finish line? He floundered, unsure of what to make of this anymore. He had barely slept these few days and now, his mind seemed tired enough to grace him with the gift of drifting off.

Another mentally arduous day had come to its end with Sunny observing. Maybe tomorrow he'd have the strength to go talk to the only one he hadn't done yet. Basil...

 Aubrey mentioned he was feeling better... Tomorrow, Sunny will try and visit him, that's what he decided at the moment. Thinking of Basil reminded him of that night at his house. It also reminded him of the photo album. He wondered if he looked at it now, would it look the same?

He couldn't ponder for too long. For now, he'd try and sleep. And he did, until he felt something looming over him.

* * * *

 Kel had been looking at the small piece of paper for what felt like forever. If he thought he was getting a headache before it had long turned into a migraine after what Kim said. What now? It'd be... mean if Basil's dad told him he was supposed to call again when he wasn't planning on calling in the first place, wouldn't it? And judging from what the man said to Kim, that meant Basil had been discharged, right? When did that happen?

 Maybe Basil was sitting in his room like he was currently doing and expected him to call. Kel hid his face in his palms, his shoulders hanging down as he tried to decide what to do. Say he called him, what the hell was he supposed to say anyway?

“Hey, Basil! How are you doing? Hopefully not anything dangerous to yourself or anyone else again, ha-ha!”

Jesus Christ... He cringed at himself just thinking about it.

Kel let his head drop back and took a deep breath. What would Aubrey say about this? Maybe he should talk to her first, but he doubted she was planning on talking to Basil. At least not yet.

 Maybe if Kel called Polly, she'd know what to say. Give him advice or something? But maybe he would be reminding her of things she was trying to forget too. After all, Polly left when she had the chance after Basil's parents finally showed up and talked to her. Polly had been shaken up by what occurred at the house, and deemed it was too much for her and left soon after.

 Kel leaned down, looking under his bed and scowled. He reached a hand out and reached for the photo album that had been left behind. Neither Sunny nor Basil had been able to take it with them and Kel held onto it, fearing Aubrey might take her rage out on the photos that included those two.

 He opened up a page and felt the back of his eyes stinging. He closed it immediately and cleared his throat, pushing it under the bed again. If no one was willing to try and do something, maybe he should try. He had been afraid before, that he'd say the wrong thing and make things worse after Mari died.

 Now, he was sure he'd hate himself if he kept quiet and try to accept how things were this time. So despite himself, Kel steeled his nerves, headed downstairs now that he was alone, heading for the phone with the piece of paper in his hand.

Chapter Text

A small bite.

Basil slowly twisted his fork around, twirling the pasta in an idle manner and put it in his mouth.

“Ah, yes. We can visit that place the day after tomorrow. Best bagels in the city, I’ll tell you that,” his father said before his phone started ringing again. It was the second device that someone was calling at this time, and Basil jolted every time he heard the loud ringtone, thinking the call was meant for him.

 Before it could ring a second time, his father had already picked up. It was always kind of impressive how quickly he accepted the calls, no matter who called. “Yes, yes, I took care of the deposit, John. The merit? Oh, don’t you worry about that. I’ve already sent the papers.”

It wasn’t Kel this time either…

“...Do you like it?” his mother asked him, watching as Basil gingerly took another bite.

“Yes, it’s delicious,” Basil replied, sparing her a subtle smile he managed before taking hold of his glass to wash the bite down with some water. It was hard to swallow when he felt like crying again. And why did he even have the urge to cry? He wasn’t even sure of the reason. It just felt necessary right now.

“Next time you should try the cacio e pepe. It’s,” his mother said, following the phrase with a long hum that emphasized how tasty the food was supposed to be. “The pesto one is just as good too!” She looked stiff while doing that; Basil found she felt awkward trying to seem casual around him, more or less trying to humor him.

 While his father went on and on, on the phone about something regarding work and a get-together his colleagues were planning, Basil’s mother was trying to start up a conversation with him. She wasn’t doing a good job, and even if Basil was to try and help her out, he didn’t know how to, nor if he wanted to.

 Life in the city seemed difficult and impossible getting used to. It was loud, as busy as it could, and everyone always seemed to be in a hurry. Muted tones of grey occupied the streets, drowning the city in a bland color palette that distinctly lacked green.

“...Why did you name me ‘Basil’?” he asked at one point, mildly curious about the fact, but more-so to learn something a bit more… significant about his parents in regards to himself.

The answer didn’t really surprise him.

“It was my mother’s idea,” his father replied with that same chuckle he always ended most of his sentences with. It sounded as if he had recorded it and played it each and every time. Basil wondered if it was just a coincidence, or if it was something fixed just like the smiles his mother had offered him so far.

“So grandma chose my name…” Basil said, feeling his heart aching. Everything he had, he owed it all to her, he already knew that, he just got reminded of it again.

“Yes. It’s a silly story,” his mother said, but the way she phrased ‘silly’ sounded as if she meant to say ‘stupid’ instead. “I still remember it for some reason… We hadn’t yet decided on the name. We had one in mind, but… she had these basils when I… had you.”

‘I still remember it for some reason.’ Basil tried not to cry.

“Ah, yes,” his father chuckled again. “She had these basils in the yard that were supposed to – how did she say it,” he searched for the right word. “They were supposed to last until January, because of the cold. Something about their life cycle, you know by now how she was with plants and all that.”

 Basil listened intently, absorbing the information about the person he missed so much like his life depended on it. It almost felt as if she was alive now that he was learning about something new about her. He wished his father wouldn’t have to stop talking when it came to her, as much as it hurt.

“But those somehow survived till late February.”

“Mm…” His mother chimed in. “She… thought you’d be born strong like them... So she suggested we named you Basil instead.”

“We were so set on Rowan too,” his father said with a small laugh, his expression one of someone reminiscing. What was he reminiscing anyway? He was pretending, Basil thought.

 Basil tried to trick himself into thinking his vision wasn’t blurry. Everything. It felt like he lost everything. And why wasn’t his father sad about his mother dying? Of course he wasn’t. Did he ever even care? No, of course not! Instead of paying her a visit to make sure she’s okay, he preferred to pay a stranger to take care of her. What a good son! Maybe that’s why Basil ended up the way he did too…

His inner monologue drowned out all his thoughts, making him breathe heavily. Something helped him with that, for better or for worse, snapping him out of it.

 From the corner of his eye, he thought he made out the dark figure of something lurking there… but to his relief, when he double checked, there was nothing, as if it had dissolved into the shadows. Calm down, he told himself. You haven’t been seeing things in a long while. You won’t see anything again, take a deep breath.

 And he did. He tried to focus on the dark color of his seat’s leather surface, but when that didn’t help, he started making shapes out of the marble floor with his eyes. Some crumbles of bread had fallen there, and the crying of a child made him raise his head to look towards it, but he met his father’s eyes that were trained on his instead.

It wasn’t just his father – it was both of them. His parents were giving him that defensive look that made him want to crawl inside the floor to hide.

“D-Did Kel call again?” He asked randomly, trying to shift the attention elsewhere.

His father responded belatedly. “...No, bud. No call, yet. Give it some time,” he said, trying to sound encouraging.

And he wouldn’t call again, Basil was certain.

“Your pal from Faraway called while you were out.”

“S-Sunny called?”

“Oh… no, no, not him, bud.”

 Basil felt his mouth go dry and the world around him suddenly felt as if it was narrowing down on him. He didn’t even have time to feel the pang of disappointment, he was now panicking.“...W-Who was it?” He squeaked out, regretting he asked in the first place. Maybe he shouldn’t know who it was, and definitely shouldn’t ask what they wanted… He was too scared to know.

“Kelsey. I told her you were out, but she’ll call later.”

 Kelsey? Kel called… What would Kel want to… ask? Maybe he wanted to tell him he was crazy and how much Kel hated him. “We’re still friends,” Kel had told him before. But that had undoubtedly changed now that he knew the truth. Maybe he’ll say how he deserves the worst to happen to him and that Aubrey had been right to say all those things about him all along.

 And Basil knew long by now that he had messed up. It was a mistake to even think about doing what he had done to Mari. But he had panicked – he had been scared back then. He’d lose his best friend to everyone hating him. Everything would fall apart – everyone would all drift away, and Basil dreaded that. He didn’t want to lose anyone…

So what did he do? That horrible thing to his friend to protect her brother – his best friend.

And what ended up happening?

 He lost everyone and everything, just the way he was terrified in the first place and tried to prevent from happening... How could Basil ever undo what he had done and fix things? What was he thinking… It was too late to fix anyth-

“Basil?”

His father’s voice cut through his inner turmoil like a knife.

“Y-Yes?”

“...You just spaced out there for a sec. Thought you-” he cleared his throat, “anyway, she hasn’t called yet, but I’m sure she will.”

“...Kel is a guy. I’ve-… doesn’t matter…” Basil trailed off with a murmur.

‘I’ve mentioned him to you before,’ he wanted to say. I’ve mentioned them all to you before… I’ve spoken to you about them so many times when you used to call on the weekends, until even that was narrowed down to thrice a month. You’ve met them before too… back when we were all so much younger and I actually felt like I was a kid… Before I felt like I died at that point while I continued to grow despite feeling stuck in time – stuck in that certain date.

They all hate him, don’t they? They all wish he was dead, don’t they?

“What’s wrong?” His mother asked, walking near him and placing a hand on his shoulder. The same gesture would’ve felt more comforting if it came from a stranger on the streets…

“Why are you crying all of a sudden…?”

“...I’m sorry,” Basil mumbled, taking a clumsy breath that hitched in his throat. “I-I’ll go take a bath… if that’s okay,” he asked.

“...Let’s calm down first,” his father suggested, getting up from the armchair to come closer.

 Basil slowly nodded, trying to focus on his breathing and wiping his face with the back of his hand. His head hurt… His chest hurt… He felt helpless and pathetic. Would this ever end? Or would he be forever stuck to feel this awful? Because right now, that’s what it felt like. Nothing changed. He felt just as awful as before. Nothing got better. And maybe nothing ever will...

Suddenly, he missed his grandmother more than ever, and when he felt like this, a part of him wished Sunny hadn’t walked in his room that night.

 If only Sunny would speak with him… maybe then he’d feel a bit better again. What was he doing? Was he feeling better after telling the truth to everyone? Was he able to move on? If so, then why was Basil not able to do the same? It was a good thing everyone finally knew the truth, wasn’t it...?

It was. They needed to know, and Basil was exhausted, having to carry this horrible secret, paranoid about when it would get out and having to face the consequences.

 The photos in the album were a constant reminder of all the good that was now gone forever and Mari’s eye – face looking back at him and accusing him. And something sinister was always there, mocking him – threatening him, and he used that as the alibi for what had happened. It wasn’t his friend’s fault at all, what happened to Mari! It was something else that had done it – that had forced Sunny to do it.

 And when it all became too much and all the lines were blurry, Sunny appeared again, and that something became even more suffocating, drowning him in his wake and making it harder to breathe. And like the blur of the scenery left behind by the passing of a car, everything happened so fast that Basil still has a hard time remembering.

“I did it, Basil…” Sunny said, his voice steady, soft, and also scared despite the gentle expression and smile on his face. “I told them… I told them the truth.”

 Ah, finally they knew… It was terrifying, but it felt like something so terribly heavy was lifted off of him, Basil found. Finally, he no longer had to hide this. Maybe something good would finally happen for once from now on, he hoped.

“I’m sorry, Sunny…” Basil apologized, trying to sit up properly. He could faintly remember it, but… he did this, didn’t he? He stared at Sunny’s bandages and tried to piece together what had happened the night before. How far gone was he that he mistook his friend for that thing? “I did this… didn’t I?”

‘I didn’t do this on purpose… I swear. I was so angry at you for leaving me to deal with what we did all alone all this time, but I feel horrible for hurting you like this. Please believe me… I never wanted to hurt you. Not you… nor any of our friends,’ he wanted to say, but Sunny had already lowered his face.

“It’s okay... They know now. I’m sorry it took me so long…” Sunny said weakly, hunching his shoulders over himself. “I was too scared to tell them… until it was almost too late…”

‘What did they say?’ Basil wanted so desperately to ask, but he was too terrified to pose the question. And judging from how Sunny said that, it wasn’t that hard to guess.

 Basil stood up, momentarily waiting for the woozy wave to dissipate from his vision and walked over to him. A hug. It was just as fragile and vulnerable as they both felt at the moment. “It’s… It’s okay… Y-You told them…”

A deep breath.

“It was… It was all an accident… r-right, Sunny?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt her...” Sunny rasped, sad to hear the question.

Basil couldn’t have regretted asking the question more. “I-I know. And I-” he bit his lip. “I’m sorry I did that to her… I shouldn’t have said- S-Sunny?”

….

Did Sunny hate him that much now? Is that why he wouldn’t pick up?

Even though he promised him moving away didn’t mean goodbye…

Did he lie to him again? Did he…?

“-pay up.”

“I was about to do that, you don’t need to tell me.”

“...What?”

“We’re leaving. You seem a bit tired,” his mother said, giving Basil a cautious look.

“But we’re-” Basil looked at their plates. They were still half-full. “...we’re still eating.” It’s not that he was hungry. The issue was something else.

“No, we’re done eating… You’re done, too aren’t you? You stopped eating a while ago.”

 A burden. That’s what they were seeing him as, weren’t they? If he wasn’t there, this would probably be a fun time those two would have. They’d eat and go have all those hard-to-pronounce desserts before heading back home after a busy day shopping. Now, they were stuck with him, ruining it all for them.

 Basil’s brows furrowed, his lips tightened in a thin line. “...Next time, I can just stay at home,” he suggested, dubious whether to feel despair or frustration. It’s not like he asked to be there with them. It’s not like he asked them to give birth to him. Why were they acting like he was the worst thing that happened to them? Was he?

His mother gave him a studying look, her brows furrowing while his father was away, paying for everything. “...Why do you wanna stay at home?” She asked, looking nervous.

Basil didn’t answer; the answer should be obvious he thought.

 His mother looked more nervous, a clam of sweat forming on her brow. “...You want to be alone? Why?” she asked again, her tone inquiring, if not demanding. “Do you-…” she stopped herself. “Basil, you need to answer honestly. Are you thinking about hurting yourself again?”

“Would you-” Basil cut himself off, his lips quivering. “Why? Would you even care if I did?” he asked, his voice wavering. It hurt to see they wouldn’t – it was obvious. They didn’t care about him, it was so painfully obvious and it somehow hurt so much to see. Why? Why did he care? Hadn’t they ignored him long enough? Hadn’t they shown they don’t love him, long enough that he’d stop yearning for their attention?

His mother’s whole demeanor changed, her expression turning serious and anxious. “Then I’m right? You’re thinking-”

“Y-You won’t even answer that?” Basil asked, his voice harsh and breaking midway. He saw his mother open her mouth to speak and judging from the face she was making, she was going to deny it, but he didn’t want to hear anything. “I-It’s obvious…! You hate me being here…! You hate that you’re stuck with me. B-But I didn’t ask for it!”

 Basil dug his face into his palms, his shoulders shaking. Why did he have to feel like this? Was he really such a horrible person that deserved nothing but the worst? It certainly seemed this way and it crushed his soul each and every time…

“What are you saying?” Sarah asked with a huff. “I never said any of that! Neither did your father. Is that what you think-”

“What am I supposed to think?!” Basil cried vehemently, fighting the urge to run out of the restaurant. “You hate spending time with me… You keep looking at me like I’m-! L-Like I’m a nutcase… Like I’m gross and- and- crazy…”

“That’s not true!” Sarah denied, matching his tone. “You won’t tell us what you’re thinking about! What are we supposed to do or think?” She gave a glare to those around them that were giving them weird looks and turned her attention back to her son that she had no idea what to do with.

 Yes, she was nervous around him. To her, Basil was an unstable and unpredictable child. He was even seeing things before. He hurt his friend so badly that they had to take his eye out. He had been suicidal before for Christ’s sake, and for all she knew, maybe he still was. It felt as if Sarah was assigned a time bomb when she lacked the experience to even attempt to diffuse it.

 She didn’t… dislike her son. But she didn’t feel the affection a mother was supposed to feel towards her child either. She couldn’t help it. Basil… happened. It wasn’t something planned, nor was it easy to raise a child when she had to travel around the world to provide. She made sure to send money and gifts. But giving up her work? She couldn’t bring herself to do that, and if her mother-in-law was more than willing to help them both out, it all worked out. If that made her a bad mother, then so be it. She had to achieve the things she wanted to and live all the things she desired now that she was still considered young.

“Just-!” Basil wilted, sagging in his seat. He had no will or energy left to argue. What was even there to argue, anyway? Everything… everything was pointless…

“...I want to take a walk… I need some time alo-”

“Absolutely not.” Sarah stated, leaving no room to argue. Let him on his own? Especially after what he said? She wouldn’t risk that. For all she knew, he might be thinking of that bridge he’d been staring at so intently earlier. How long would he be like this? His psychiatrist said he was doing better. His pills were supposed to help. So why was he giving her such a hard time? Was he going to try and do something?

 This was starting to give her a headache. Why wasn’t that woman picking up? He’s been asking to talk to that kid, and it was painfully obvious how much he wished to do so. Maybe if he apologized to him again, Basil would start feeling better. Maybe it was guilt for what he did to him that had him thinking and feeling the way he still was.

Before Basil could protest, she spoke again. “W-We’ll go back home and maybe we can plant those seeds you bought. We can put them in the living room…!”

Basil wasn’t looking at her, just stared at the table with wet eyes. She tried again. “Don’t you wanna do that? You seemed-”

“Basil,” Jacob, her husband, interrupted them after coming back from the register, holding his phone a little further away from his ear. Finally. His friend must’ve called, she figured and felt a wave of relief wash over her. Maybe a friend was what her son needed right now.

 Basil blanched, watching his father offering him the phone. “It’s your friend,” Jacob informed, arching a brow and looking confused when his son refused to move his hands to take the phone. “Aren’t you gonna…?”

Prudently, Basil reached out to take the device in his hand, looking at his father’s eyes as if he was seeking help. What does he say what does he say what does he-

“U-Uh, hi? Basil...?”

* * * *

THUD

“Let’s go back to Sunny’s. You probably left the keys there,” Aubrey suggested. Basil knocked a few more times on the door of his house in vain, then went along with her idea.

“What are we looking for?” Sunny asked, making a face at all the trash they had to step through on their way. ‘When did the streets get filthy like this?’ he wondered. The wind was making it even worse, collecting it and twirling it around.

“Yeah, what are you looking for, Basil?” Aubrey asked, now looking clueless.

“A small key. Someone was asking for help in there,” Basil explained. “Are you sure you don’t have it, Sunny?”

Sunny stopped walking, and Basil turned to look at him with a curious look. “I,” Sunny began, putting his hand in his pocket to take out the small object, “have it here.”

“Oh, good! Let’s go give it to grandma then.”

THUD

 The wind howled in the distance, knocking some cars over; luckily no one was inside. Sunny walked and walked, until they reached the hangout spot where his house should be. Suddenly, he had the urge to toss the key into the lake that looked dirtier than ever, but when he dug into his pocket again, he came up empty handed.

“Basil,” he began to say, but to his unfortunate surprise, his front teeth that had been feeling loose while talking suddenly fell down with a plop on the ground as if they were raindrops. Mortified this actually just happened, Sunny used his tongue to check, sweating when his fears were confirmed.

In a panicked state, he turned around to alert his friends, only to be greeted by eyes without a face.

 A dark figure loomed over him; their piercing blue eyes staring directly down at his own and without knowing why, Sunny stood there petrified in fear. He wanted to ask for help, but he was too scared to open up his mouth. He was too scared to even close his eyes.

“Maybe we should ask Hero for help,” Basil suggested. He sounded somewhere further in the back, but all Sunny could hear after that was the sound of something heavy falling in the water. He wanted to ask what happened, but his eyes were glued to this stranger’s that refused to blink. It didn’t move, it didn’t say anything if it could – it only stared, and stared, and stared.

 And then something shiny came out of their pocket as red hands crawled on the ground, wrapping themselves around them both without a purpose. There was no depth or dimension to them, making it seem as if they had no fingers despite looking human. The silvery gleam of what appeared to be a pair of scissors the figure was holding stood out, and in a matter of seconds they came near his face. Aghast, Sunny tried to scream for help when the blades started slicing his face.

Help!

He thought he screamed as the blade carved everywhere but his eyes.

HELP!

Why couldn’t they hear him?

He called out for help again...

But nothing. Did Aubrey not hear him?

Wake up wake up wake up

It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream.

 He found the courage to look to his left, seeing Kel’s sleeping form in the blanket fort. His chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm as he snored lightly, but no matter how much Sunny would shout, Kel wouldn’t wake up. Hero was sleeping to his right, wasn’t he? Maybe Hero would help.

 Sunny kept his futile screaming up, looking up at the figure that was looming over him. It either had no face, or he just couldn’t tell from how afraid he was. It was pressing him down on his chest, trying to cut off his air.

He screamed, asking his friends to wake up, tossing his feet as much as he could, and as if it was never there… it all stopped and the figure was gone after what felt like forever.

With gritted teeth, he struggled to breathe properly, clenching his jaw so hard it hurt.

 Now that he was free, he rushed to get out of there, feeling compelled to do so. The TV had been turned off, leaving the room in silence, he noted. The door of the bedroom had been closed too, but luckily it wasn’t locked like he dreaded.

 Swiftly, Sunny turned the handle and felt the cold of the bathroom’s tile floor under his heel. His mother must’ve had been busy, because she hadn’t cleaned in a long while. A messy pile of dirty laundry occupied the floor and the bathtub was cluttered with all the blankets they always used during the winter.

THUD

Worst of all, was the mirror’s state. Sunny took a look at his reflection, fixing his eye patch in place. He should get a new one soon; this one was starting to look dirty too.

 All at once, without even feeling it, a cluster of insects and long dark hair started crawling out of the wound he had on his stomach, passing through the small gaps between the fibers of his shirt and falling in the sink with a gross sound.

He stared at it stunned, until the very last of them made their way out, but when he looked at the sink again, all he saw was pins and needles in a pool of black tar.

Pins and needles, and his reflection in the mirror staring back at him in horror. He looked younger there, but he didn’t look sickly, nor…

A scared expression? He was making that face?

Sunny lifted a hand up to it, mapping his features as if to make sense of what expression he was making.

Neutral.

Then why did his reflection look like this…?

 In an attempt to place a hand on the mirror, his reflection stepped back, saying something he couldn’t make out. His stomach – h-he had to do something about it. Or else he was going to die. And he didn’t want that, he just wanted… to not feel this way anymore.

 He tried to open the door to ask for help, but it wouldn’t budge. “Mom!” He shouted, slamming his hands on the door so painfully weak and slowly that barely made a sound upon impact. He tried again, his strength long gone, making every move of his sluggish.

“Mom! Help me!” He cried, banging his hands again. “I don’t wanna die!”

Nothing.

“Mom!”

 Talking to himself, that’s what he was doing. No one was listening. The door wouldn’t open and he was just stuck there, suffocating in misery. All he could think had been how pointless it was to dream about a future – bland or ever even remotely happy – when all his days would be tainted and haunted by the ugly memories of what he had done.

“Help me!” He cried, but it changed nothing. “I don’t wanna die..!”

He had been feeling so lonely and helpless that he was convinced all the bad outweighed the good, and that this would go on forever, and he couldn’t handle the thought. “Please…”

He walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet, but no water would come out. And then someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“M-Mom?” Sunny called, grabbing the handle and tried his luck again. It wouldn’t even budge. “Mom! Please… help me,” he whimpered. “I don’t wanna die!”

If only he could go back to those days he had taken for granted once. If only he could start over...

“Please… Help me,” he begged, letting his head rest on the door. “And I’ll – I’ll try harder-”

All at once, like a key turning in a lock, reality reasserted itself. Sunny woke up in the softest material on the floor, trembling.

He tried to keep his erratic breathing shallow not to wake the others up as he slowly regained more awareness of his surroundings.

Nothing’s there…

 Nothing but Kel’s leg thrown over Sunny’s stomach as Kel had sprawled himself on the blankets while sleeping like he usually tended to do whenever they slept on the floor like this. One time he had kicked Basil on the face accidentally and caused him a nosebleed. But that was all… in the distant past he’d never get back.

 He felt disoriented and queasy, as if he’d been tossed and turned and thrown around, making his insides jumble. Even the soft blankets didn’t feel welcoming enough to keep him there anymore. He felt antsy and anxious, tingles all over his back from his uneasiness. With one more deep breath, Sunny tilted his head up to look at the bright little stickers up there and let himself focus on the faint electronic buzzing of everything in the hall outside the door.

Just a bad dream.

Yes, just a dream…

 He swallowed thickly and felt tears prick his eyes. It felt bad being there – it felt wrong. It felt wrong because he craved this. Letting his friends know what he had done – what had really happened to Mari, should’ve been enough. Trying to forgive himself should’ve been enough. But he couldn’t lie to himself… he wanted them to say it was okay… that they understood he didn’t mean to hurt her… that even though they can’t forgive him, they don’t hate him…

What was he supposed to do now? Should he run away and hide from them all?

Or should he indulge this? No matter what this was supposed to be...

 He felt bile rise in the back of his throat and got up in an attempt to shake the feeling away. Fixing the blanket back into place so as not to disturb the brothers, Sunny looked at them, clasping his hands together quietly in an attempt to comfort himself and frowned. Sleeping peacefully; that’s what they seemed to be doing. He briefly wondered what kind of dreams they were having, but he found solace in the fact that they were probably not seeing anything. This couldn’t be real after all…

It couldn’t be.

 Kel had told him once that he rarely had nightmares, and those few times he did, the only proof he had of them was that he woke up in the middle of the night with no trace of memory of the actual dream. Hero on the other hand, would usually sleep badly on a night before a test at school, and usually his nightmares were the kind you saw yourself getting ready for the day and performing badly, only to wake up with relief it wasn’t real.

 Sunny felt his chest tightening as he thought about how he must be responsible for changing all that for all of them in the worst way possible. That train of thought came to a sudden halt when he had to suppress a gag. He stumbled to scurry out of the room and hurried to the bathroom, doubling over just in time before throwing up whatever was leftover in his stomach.

 His body was sweating, but he was shivering as if he was having a fever. He knelt down, unable to keep himself standing any longer as yellow and dark spots filled his vision and grimaced at the acidity he could taste in his mouth. Maybe he should just stay like this for the rest of the night, he contemplated; the cold tile floor was tempting enough.

 But he decided against it after a while too long as he realized he’d have to explain if either the brothers’ mother or father wanted to use the bathroom. So he quietly got up, keeping himself steady on the sink as he waited for the dark vignette that covered his vision to wash away and he could see clearly again. He poured some water in his shaky hands and washed his mouth before padding towards the bedroom again.

 He stood rigid before he could even make it to the room however, when his eye saw something dark passing by the door frame before proceeding to go down the corridor. It was fast enough that he would’ve missed it if he blinked. It made his knees feel weak and almost give up under his weight.

 He didn’t dare take his eyes away. What if it passed by again and he missed it? What if he looked away and then it was right in front of him? But… he knows what it is. It’s… that awful memory of his sister, nothing more, nothing else, so he should stop panicking, as terrifying as it was.

THUD

He flinched at the sound. What was that?

“...Sunny?”

The hoarse voice was enough to scare him away, anyway.

* * * *

“U-Uh, hi? Basil…?” Kel almost groaned when he bit his tongue half-way through his greeting. It almost felt as if he had forgotten how to speak all of a sudden. It’s just a phone call, he told himself, as if that was helping, when he just blatantly and simply put felt like he’d throw up. Him and anxiety never clashed well together, and this time, Kel had no means of handling it or dealing with it.

 Basil took a while to greet him back, and honestly, Kel was starting to think the line got cut off or something. “...H-Hi… Kel.” He could practically hear Basil’s nervous and jittery expression through his voice. It felt… weird listening to Basil after the events that took place a few months ago. But his voice – it was still the same. It was somehow relieving, as stupid as that sounded.

“H-Hey…!” Kel greeted again, smiling unconsciously. “Um… how are you, err… doing?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“...I-I’m g-good.” A small pause. “And y-you?”

“Good…! I’m uh… glad you’re doing good, buddy. I’m doing good too!” The wall was very tempting right now, Kel found, contemplating smashing his head on it or not. He was lying – the last thing he was doing was good – but then again, Basil was probably lying too, wasn’t he?

“Did you um… You’re home now?”

‘You got discharged?’ he meant to ask.

“Wh-...n-no, we’re… outside. With my parents.”

“No, I meant… Err,” Kel tried to backtrack. “...How is it over there? You’re… a long way from here, right?”

 Basil mumbled something to which Kel figured was to his parents – something about “outside”. There seemed to be some sort of argument that lasted a bit, and then Kel could hear cars and their loud honks in the distance.

“Uh, Basil…? You there-”

“K-Kel, l-listen…” Basil whimpered. It made Kel frown. “I-I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry about everything…! I know I messed u-up… I know. You think I’m awful… and I am! I-I thought I was helping back then… I thought… I thought I was doing the right thing, even though it felt… awful. And I didn’t- didn’t mean to hurt, Sunny like this… Never! I-I wasn’t – I thought I was-… I- I hurt you all so much… I’m-”

“B-Basil, I don’t-” Kel interjected, unsure of what to say, not knowing where to even begin. What did he even want to say anyway? “… I don’t want to hear you apologizing…” Maybe he did, but it changed nothing.

“H-Honestly…” Kel cleared his throat, regretting what he was going to ask. He almost forgot something important, but luckily it dawned on him, and hearing Basil cry had him regretting talking in the tone he was about to speak. Basil had to get help, and the last thing Kel wanted was to make him get worse or something.

“...I don’t know what to say, Basil. I-I don’t – I’m not sure what to ask and whatnot… I just wanted to ask how you’re doing…”

 And obviously he wasn’t doing well either, and it was kind of scary in a way. Just what was going through Basil’s head? Kel wasn’t sure if he wanted to know, but hearing the way Basil was talking and recalling how shaky he had been those days that Kel had blamed it all on Aubrey’s bullying and Basil’s grandma being sick, just reminded him that what he had done hadn’t left him unscathed.

“W-Why did he even have that thing in his room? I mean – I get it he has plants in there, but-!” Aubrey had asked in an angry fit with wet eyes after Sunny was rushed to the operating room. It was a silly and probably pointless question; people sometimes forgot and carried things with them, leaving them in the most random places. Maybe that’s what had happened with Basil too, but Kel understood where Aubrey was coming from; her brain was thinking of all the things that could’ve prevented something like this from happening.

“H-Hero? What did they say?” Kel asked for the umpteenth time, hoping his brother would somehow have something new to say. He looked worried however, and that had both him and Aubrey even more anxious.

“...I don’t know,” he replied belatedly, looking somewhere far away. “We can… We can only wait.” Almost as an afterthought he added, “and hope for the best...”

But he heard from Polly the answer to Aubrey’s question when he saw her gathering her stuff and placing it in her car before leaving.

“...He needs help,” she said, her face twisting uncomfortably, but Kel could’ve sworn he saw guilt there. Polly had been going on about how she was trying to get Basil to talk to her when he had dropped by with everyone to check on him and for Aubrey to apologize to him. Maybe she felt like she was to blame for not seeing something bad coming, he thought to himself, trying to picture himself in her shoes, which was… difficult to do, to say the least.

“Are you… gonna leave?”

 Polly hesitated to reply to his question. “...My job here is done.” She held onto the folded jacket in her arms, her lips pressing tightly together and her brow furrowing like she was having an inner conflict. “I knew something was wrong, but… I never thought – I never would’ve thought something like this would happen…”

Kel’s shoulders slumped. “...M-Me neither.” He had nothing more to say. Sunny’s words came to his mind, reverberating throughout his head and haunting him.

“Polly? Err… What’s… What’s going to happen to him now?” Kel choked the words out. On one hand he wanted to rush back home and see how his brother was doing today. On the other, he was stalling, he knew it… He dreaded finding him in a state similar to back then.

“He needs to see… someone that can help him. His family will make sure of that,” Polly responded. “...Kel, tell your brother I thank him too, again,” she said sadly. “If I was alone at the house that day-” Polly paused, the corners of her mouth down-turning, her eyes filled with grief, “he would’ve hurt himself… very badly. And your friend, Sunny, it... could’ve ended up much worse.”

 She tried to shake the fear clouding over her face, but Kel found she failed and he unconsciously mirrored her expression. “I’m just glad you were all there that day… I’ll get going now. It’s getting late…”

“Why… why did you two fight like that…? Did you… not want us to know…?” About Mari he added inwardly. However, now Kel bit his lips nervously, realizing that perhaps his question wasn’t the brightest idea.

“I-…” Basil hesitated. “...I wanted you to know. B-But I could never say it… I was- was too scared of what you’d think of me… And I could never do it alone… not if Sunny didn’t want that too.” A pause.

“I’m so s-sorry, Kel… I – back then I… I didn’t know what else to do… All I could think – I just wanted to help him… I know what I did… it wasn’t right. B-But that’s not why I hurt him! His eye – I-! I didn’t mean to hurt him… I swear… Please believe me...”

*

 Basil nibbled on his thumb’s nail. How could he even begin to explain? He was as sorry as one could. This horrible thing he had done and had kept a secret had been eating away at him to the point that when he was alone – just him and his thoughts that were getting louder by the day, the shadows in every corner seemed to be out to get him. He couldn’t face any of his friends, because all he kept thinking about was Mari. The only one he had left was supposed to be Sunny.

But no matter how many times he had visited to try and talk to him, the answer was always the same. “...He can’t talk right now. He’s not feeling well…”

“I-I know I can never take anything back… But I’m really sorry, Kel…” He said ashamed and despondent and as sincerely as one could.

“Just-… W-Why didn’t you tell us anything, Basil…? W-We were all friends. We… We’d be there for each other…” Kel’s voice was weak as he said that. “How cou – Why d-did you have to… do something like that?”

 Basil swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill. He wiped his face that felt sore from the repetitive action and pressed his back against the wall, taking panicked glimpses around him. Thankfully, his parents somehow respected he needed a minute alone to speak.

“I-I thought you wouldn’t – wouldn’t believe it was all just an accident… I thought you’d all hate Sunny… I thought his parents would – that he’d be taken away…”

He paused to take a deep breath. “I-It was a mistake, what I did…! I know that… I know it’s too late to say that, but…”

 The thought was choking him like the rope he had tied around Mari’s neck. Sunny wouldn’t have done that alone, he was certain. Sunny could barely move or hear what he was saying to him, looking somewhere far away and refusing to shift his attention where it was needed. He stood while Basil realized he couldn’t get through to him and he had to do this alone. He was the one that grabbed the rope… he was the one that dragged the treasure shaped toy box near the tree… he was the one that made the knot around her neck and the tree branch. And he was the one that dragged her up there, feeling her long hair on his hands and face and his skin crawling at the touch.

“I… I don’t know what to do to fix it…” He admitted with a whimper.

“...Basil, I-” Kel sounded uncertain, and Basil could hear him shifting on his seat. Basil was scared of any word that could possibly come out of his mouth, but at the same time, he hoped Kel wouldn’t hang up either.

 He heard something like a sigh. “… Telling me sorry – it’s not me you should say that to… but Mari…” A beat of silence. “J-Just please don’t-… don’t think about… you know. Just… take care of yourself, y-yeah?”

The words had Basil stifle a sob. He doesn’t mean that. He doesn’t mean that. “...The others would tell you the same thing…”

No they wouldn’t. They wouldn’t.

 Basil shifted his attention to the traffic. An ugly thought crossed his mind, and as tempting as it was, deep down… he didn’t want to listen to it. Hearing his friend… gave him a small hint of hope, so tiny, but also so very real.

“...It’s… probably busy over there, y-yeah? The city is always… so hectic. But there’s probably fun things to do… right?” The transition was as awkward as it was comforting. It sounded just like his friend. “...Basil?”

 But this phone call… the way it was going… it sounded as if it was the last time he’d be hearing from Kel. The image of Aubrey flashed in his mind. ‘Creep.’ ‘Psycho.’ ‘Go run and hide in the corner like the trash you are.’ The memories he had once shared with her felt as if his mind had made them up by now. He didn’t recognize this Aubrey, but that was okay, because he knew she’d never forgive him for Mari. And Hero… Hero who everyone knew how he felt about her… Basil didn’t even want to think about what Hero thought of him now that he knew the truth.

 He flinched when he saw a shadow loom over him. Nothing’s there! Stop freaking out… please, he begged himself inwardly, reluctantly lifting his face up to his father walking up to him. “Ah, you’re still-”

“Y-You need your phone?” Basil asked, holding the device tighter in his hand.

His father waved a hand dismissively. “No, no, go on,” he said, taking a few steps away. He was slow in making his way back inside.

“S-Sorry… My father – he wanted to ask me something,” he explained hastily.

“That’s okay…!” Kel assured. “Um… You, uh… you sound busy. I should-”

“N-No!” Basil interjected, bringing his free hand up to his face. “I-I’m not busy…” He tried to patch it up and explain, drawing the phone call out as much as he could, clinging to his friend’s voice like a lifeline.

“O-Oh… okay. Err… I, uh…”

 Basil sagged. Kel didn’t want to speak anymore. It made sense… And here he was, desperate to keep the non-existent conversation going because he felt like he was drowning by the onslaught of his messy thoughts. They surged against his mind, battering at him from all sides until he had no choice but to let them consume everything in their path.

A forced chuckle. “Y-Yeah… I don’t have, uh… much going on…”

 Basil sighed a rueful smile that drained away moments later. “...I should go. My… dad needs his phone,” he said; one of them had to say it first anyway… He ignored the fresh tears that pricked his eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to steady his voice. It took him longer than he wished, because when he tried to speak he found it hard; the messages from his brain weren’t getting to the muscles of his jaw.

“T-Thank you for calling me… a-and for what you said, Kel…” Another shallow breath. “And I’m sorry… F-For everything.”

“...I-It’s okay, just… I meant what I said, y-yeah?” Kel said hesitantly. “Take care of yourself and… don’t, err… don’t think about that… now.”

“...Okay.” Basil just said. He had to rip the next words out of his throat. “...Bye, Kel.”

“...Bye, Basil.”

As if it never was, Basil swallowed his grievances. He removed the phone from his ear and-

“Wa-”

-hang up.

Did Kel… say something? No, he probably talked to someone near him.

He stared at the screen anyway, his brows angling upwards. He tried to pretend he didn’t hope the phone would ring again.

Nothing.

 Should he call…? And ask if he said something? Maybe he should ask if he had spoken with Sunny too… But what if he said yes? Then that would just confirm Sunny didn’t want anything to do with him, right?

… If Kel meant to add something, he’d probably call on his own anyway… right?

So he waited.

And waited…

And waited. But nothing.

With a heavy heart, Basil made his way back to his parents. In the brief moments the phone call had lasted, he thought it was the opposite, but now he was certain.

He felt even lonelier.

* * * *

Sunny scurried out of the bedroom.

As he rushed down the hall, the sound of his quick footsteps synced up with the sound of his heartbeat. Both were racing. The loud rush of blood in his ears was a reminder that he was still lucid.

But his panic was rising.

 It was wrapping itself around him like a heavy blanket, constricting his body and making it harder to breathe and move as he continued to hurry down the hall until he was far enough away from the bedroom. After rounding a corner, he finally stopped, falling back against the nearest wall. He unceremoniously let himself slide down due to his shaky legs, and hunched over himself, hugging his knees tightly.

Taking deep breaths, he tried calming himself down.

 He thought he heard someone coming down the stairs and his breath caught in his throat, his blood running cold. Was it actually someone? Or was his mind tricking him again? Sunny looked around with wild eyes, feeling like he was coming up from water as everything sharpened. His gaze finally snagged and anchored on the shadow to the front that seemed to be getting closer.

“-y?”

He could barely hear over the sound of the pulse thundering in his ears, buzzing like a swarm of bees. “...no,” he whispered with a whimper through numb lips. “no…”

 Hands barely pressed on his shoulders, but even the slightest touch was enough to make him flinch. Sunny wanted to recoil and scramble back, but all he managed to do was clench his eyes even tighter and murmur the same plea over and over.

He gripped his ears, half pressing his palms against them not to listen and half tugging as if he wanted to get rid of them.

“-I do...?”

The voice was familiar, but he didn’t know if that should make him feel relieved.

“...can’t you hear me?”

Sunny lifted his face up with utmost hesitation, locking eyes with a tired and nervous looking Hero that was crouching in front of him.

“H-hey…” Hero was speaking, but all Sunny’s brain did was fumble around the fuzzy memories that had blended with the ones he had made up in his head in the paracosm he’d found solace in all those years.

“When Mari passed away, Hero really stopped caring about everything. He wouldn’t get out of bed, wouldn’t eat… He stopped baking and cooking. It was like that for almost a year.”

“You okay? Why are you here…?” Hero asked again, clueless as to what to do. Sunny was just staring at him. Could he not hear him? Should he call his parents?

“-we tried to help him, but nothing was working.”

“Let’s um…” Hero looked at the closest piece of furniture, blinking the drowsiness away. “... go sit on the couch?” It’d be better than the cold floor, and maybe they’d be able to talk then. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“-like how we all miss him and want him to get better… How Mari wouldn’t want to see him like this. I thought I was helping, but…” Sunny lowered his head and blindly followed Hero that helped him up. The keys weren’t on the door he noticed. Even if he had the courage to leave, he couldn’t.

“I’ll go bring you some water, okay?” Hero suggested, trying to sound eager. “Do you… need something else?”

Sunny shook his head despite not having heard his question clearly. “-the more he yelled, the harder he cried. I was so scared that, well… I started crying too.”

 Hero left to go grab a glass, throwing a few glimpses towards the staircase. No one had woken up. Well his parents kept the door to their bedroom closed, it made sense they probably didn’t hear anything. And Kel… it was no surprise. When Kel slept, he slept like a log. He wondered if maybe he should wake him up right now though.

He poured a glass of water and placed a few cookies they’d made with Mari a few days ago on a small plate hastily.

 Sunny heard the light clinking of whatever Hero was opening and closing, but even that was somehow quieter than his own brain was being. “-at least he got a lot better after that. I guess he’s a little more closed off now than he used to be, but I’m really just glad to have my brother back.”

Steps came closer and something was placed on the small table in front of him.

“It’s not his fault, but… I still think he blames himself for Mari’s death. He’s never visited here, not even once.”

 Guilt gnawed at his stomach, making it churn. Sunny pulled his knees close to his chest, vaguely making Hero’s words out while Hero waited for Sunny to accept any of the things he brought, but Sunny wouldn’t move. Hero folded his hands on his lap and gave them both a minute.

After a long moment of silence, he spoke.

“Listen Sunny, I… don’t know what’s wrong, but…” He tilted his head a bit to look at him. “You can talk to me about it. You know I’ll hear you out.”

Silence.

Hero’s brow knitted. “...Mari has been worried too, you know? If… something’s troubling you so much, it’ll be better if you talk about it-”

“I-I already talked about it,” Sunny choked out, refusing to look anywhere other than the darkness his eyes met when he buried his face on his knees.

Hero waited for him to add anything else, then looked puzzled. “You mean… about those things you said before?”

Sunny stiffly nodded, his hands gripping at the fabric of his sleeves and crumpling it. “It’s been hard for me, too. I still think about her everyday. I just… don’t understand why she chose to leave us… the way she did.”

“About Mari and-…” Hero’s brows angled upwards. “But that – That wasn’t real, Sunny. None of it has happened, it was just a dream. It sounded scary, but… that’s all it was.” He saw Sunny making a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. “You saw it yourself. Everything’s fine, isn’t it?” He tried a lighter tone. “Are you sure that’s all it is?”

 Sunny remembered how much he wished it was all a bad dream when he had realized what he had done, refusing to accept his sister was gone, and by his own hands. A bad dream and nothing more. He wished for that more than anything in his life that day, praying – begging it wasn’t real and making promises to God he knew he couldn’t keep, but he’d try his best to do so if that meant Mari would be alive.

 But this now? Sure, he had been making stuff up for way too long, taking comfort and wallowing in his bed while daydreaming ‘till he actually fell asleep and his stories blended in his actual dreams. But that paracosm of his was… his alone – he knew that. And even though all the days after he stopped visiting it felt like they blended together with not much in between for him to tell them apart, he knew they were real. It can’t be that… it was all a lie from the start – no. He might have lost himself for way too long, but he knew what happened to Mari was real. Telling his friends the truth was real. Losing his eye was real. Stabbing himself was real.

 A familiar buzzing started echoing in his head, making his face and fingertips grow numb. The feeling worsened by the second until his limbs felt odd, like they didn’t belong to him. His whole body started feeling this way and Sunny tried to convince himself he actually belonged in it and that the light tap on his back was actually there, like his friend was sitting next to him.

“Uh, Sunny?” Hero called again, unnerved by the tense silence. Something was wrong. Sunny looked at him as if he was looking right through him. “H-Hey, buddy… can you talk to me? You’re… having me kinda worried.”

 Sunny’s words felt stuck in his throat. He worried that if he tried to speak, no voice would come out, so he waited, until maybe he felt like he’d have control of his own body again. But that anticipation had his mind spiraling. What was real and what wasn’t anymore? That line was beginning to blur… again. And now, it felt terrifying, because it wasn’t welcomed. He wanted to be aware of what was actually going on – he didn’t want to lose himself the way he did when Mari died.

Maybe the snow would help. It was soft, and cold and pretty, and something he hadn’t been able to appreciate in years.

“...Can we go outside?” Sunny asked in a small voice. “...for a bit.”

 The question surprised Hero. It was pitch black outside and probably freezing. “...Are you sure? I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he tried to discourage. “You have a cold too, don’t you?” His own mother would have a lot to say if he opened up at this hour, especially after what Sunny’s mother said to her about Sunny’s sore throat.

 The question seemed to lower Sunny’s spirits even more, and with that Hero’s shoulders slumped in return. “O-Okay, we can go. But, just for a bit, yeah?” He really should learn how to say ‘no’, he knew that. But just this once, he told himself.

 Sunny felt a tiny wisp of relief at that. He nodded noncommittally and stood up, feeling his legs like jelly. Each move he made felt as if it was lagging behind. He thought maybe his knees would give up on him, but he somehow pushed through, despite the undeniable detachment and his thoughts wandering dangerously away, doubting about anything and everything around him, even his own thoughts at the moment.

 Hero reluctantly grabbed their coats from the hanger, offering Sunny’s own to him and putting on his own. He only prayed his parents wouldn’t wake up; he could practically hear his mother’s scolding. With quiet movements, he grabbed the keys his father had put in one of the drawers and unlocked.

“Brrr…” Hero shivered the moment he opened up the door and flipping the switch to the light outside on so they could actually see. It was still four in the morning, so the sun had a long way to go before it’d rise. “Let’s make this quick, before it starts snowing again,” he prompted, hoping Sunny would’ve changed his mind now that the winter night chill engulfed them, only for Sunny to make his way outside and lean down to grab some snow with his bare hands.

It felt nice, Sunny found. Grounding. It was consoling watching it melt in his hands, leaving the ghost of the frosty sensation behind in his palms and fingertips.

 He didn’t really do much with it, just… held it. Hero turned to look at the snowman they had built next to Hector’s house and made a face seeing the yellow spot on the lower body. Not to his surprise, the family dog had heard them and got out of his house to go near them.

“Get back in there, bud,” Hero admonished as he crouched down to pet him. The dog gave him that silly jovial face like he always did and licked his hands, waggling his little tail enthusiastically. It would be warm in his house; they had placed lots of fleece blankets in there to make sure of that, but the dog didn’t seem to mind the cold.

 Hero chuckled, watching as Sunny came closer and crouched down next to him. Hector put his paws up to Sunny’s knees, begging for his attention too. It luckily seemed to kind of snap Sunny out of the daze he seemed to be in.

“Woof!”

“Shh!” Hero chided, putting a finger up to his lips. “Please keep it down, Hector,” he pleaded as if anything even remotely loud would wake the others up.

 Sunny let his fingers trail over the bright brown fur of the animal, giving him a few pets that seemed to have him elated – well, Hector always seemed cheery anyway. His tiny legs looked silly as they sunk in the snow underneath him.

Hero scratching under his ear had him roll over and expect belly rubs. It made Hero chuckle and Sunny smile a bit. “He’s still acting like a puppy,” Hero commented lightheartedly.

“Mm,” Sunny agreed with a small hum, letting the dog bask in the attention and cuddles. He recalled the photo Hector had “ruined” and Basil had to put tape over it to cover it up. Suddenly, he wished the sun would rise sooner. As afraid as he felt, he wanted to go visit him, hoping Basil would have something to say – that he would know something that would somehow comfort him…

 Hero shuddered again, bringing his hands up to his mouth to warm them up with a long exhale, unable to keep his teeth from chattering. Sunny on the other hand seemed unaffected by the cold. “I can’t wait till it starts getting warmer. It’s nice playing in the snow, but it’s just… so cold.”

Hector made a protesting sound, moving around to rub his back on the ground. Then he just jumped up, digging his nose in the snow and huffing. “Hopefully we’ll go fly kites again this year.”

 Sunny’s eyes widened in surprise at the memory, then nodded.Flying kites was always fun, and Hero had somehow managed to figure out how to make themfly higher. Basil was usually the one to do a good job after him, while Kel and Aubrey unfortunately struggled – Aubrey usually rushing too much to make it move and Kel getting the string tangled. “That was fun…”

“It was.” Hero smiled, throwing a small twig he found on the ground away. Hector rushed to go find it, but he took his sweet time to bring it back; it seemed he was more interested in chewing it a bit first.

Fresh snowflakes fell from the sky, thick and soft. It looked like by the time the sun would rise, everything would be hidden underneath the snow this time. “Maybe we should-”

“Hero…” Sunny cut him off, seemingly not having heard him.

“What’s up?” Hero asked eagerly.

 What does he apologize for first? And was there a point? No one believed him – they all pretended none of it happened. If he heard another line like that he’d tear his hair off. This was starting to turn frustratingly exhausting.

“...nothing.” He decided against it.

 Hero waited for Sunny to go on and say what was on his mind, but all he heard was silence. He let out a small sigh through his nose. “Okay,” he backed down and stood up, dusting his coat off. “But if you change your mind, I’ll be here to hear you out, alright?” He asked, trying a brighter tone and his usual smile.

“...Okay,” Sunny mumbled. He stood up too, realizing it was time to head back. “Thank you…”

 Hero waved the last bit off, trying to lighten the mood a bit. They headed back after giving Hector a last pat to the head and closed the door behind them. Locking the door and making sure everything was back into place like it originally was, Hero heaved a sigh of relief when he saw his parents had luckily not woken up.

“Let’s head upstairs.”

Sunny nodded, following after him, hoping morning would come soon. The more he stared into the dark corners of the house the more he felt like something was staring back at him.

* * * *

“I’m so sorry.”

 Tell sorry to Mari, Kel told him. Tell sorry to my brother, he wanted to add. And to Aubrey, he also wanted to say. It was fine about himself. He could take it… He could pretend he was okay. The others had a harder time.

Did that make him sound like he didn’t care enough about Mari? That he wasn’t affected enough by learning the truth about her death? He hoped it didn’t.

This was starting to bring back memories from that night Hero was yelling.

But what could he say? After talking to Basil, he felt even more lost, because a part of him was hoping he’d know how to feel by the end of the phone call.

“It’s okay.” That’s what he told him. What else was he supposed to tell him when he sounded like that? Basil sounded like he regretted it all, and Kel wasn’t one that could bring himself to be cruel to others. More or less someone he used to be friends with once… No matter how he truly felt right now, he couldn’t bring himself to hold onto to any anger. Worried. That’s what he was first and foremost.

 He was angry… He was hurt… He was scared about how this was all affecting his brother most of all. He had been scared when Hero was depressed while Kel was still too young to understand half of how scary that actually could’ve ended up being, so now… his worry was multiplied. And it all hurt, because thinking about how everyone had believed such a horrible lie about their dear friend’s death was awful. Four years. FOUR years… So much and so little had happened in those four years, yet everything had mostly changed.

He knew what he had to do. Aubrey.

He’ll try and finally talk with her – really talk. He needed to. And then he’ll check up on Hero too, hoping for the best.

 With hasty, but nervous steps, Kel reached Aubrey’s house in no time, practically jogging his way there. He tried not to grimace at the mess in the trash cans. Cans and bottles of booze, filling the bins to the brim. How much was being consumed to make them full like this…?

He tried to pretend like they weren’t there and knocked on her door. After a few more attempts, he heard the rattling of the handle and straightened up.

* * * *

“Dude? Are you gonna…?” Kel asked, shaking one leg in front of him to point at the first step. They were supposed to go join the others in the kitchen; the delicious smell of pancakes had already filled up the whole house.

“...You go first,” Sunny said, moving further back from him. He wanted no one near him when using the stairs.

 Kel arched a brow and crossed his arms. “You keep doing that, you know.” He pointed out. Both days he’d slept there, he noticed Sunny either rushed to climb the stairs, leaving them behind, or he’d wait till they made it to the top first.

“...Do I?” Sunny asked, lying through his teeth. As chaotic as Kel was, he was just as observant.

“Yeah.” Kel stated. Sunny sneezed, his whole face scrunching up. “What’s up with that? You keeping track of your time or something?” Kel asked.

“Yes.”

Kel uncrossed his arms. “Wait, for real?”

“Yes.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kel turned his attention downstairs, then his eyes focused on the railings. “So what’s your time?” he asked, puffing up his chest with determination.

“...I forgot?”

Kel gave him a look that could only be translated to “are you serious?” and shifted his gaze back at the railings. “Okay, count for me! I’m curious about mine now.”

“Wait – Kel-!” Sunny could barely utter that out, his eyes widening in horror. Kel had already jumped on the handrail to the left and started sliding down.

“WOO!” He exclaimed, landing on his feet and raising his arms up. He turned to Sunny. “How much was-”

“Kelsey! I’ve told you not to do that!” Elena chided, having managed a glimpse at how her son descended the stairs.

 Kel rolled his eyes at her and headed for the kitchen with a groan. Elena scoffed, her arms on her hips. She shifted her gaze to Sunny who was now at the top of the stairs, looking nervous. “Good morning, dear. I hope you weren’t planning on doing that too.”

Sunny shook his head.

“Good. Did you sleep well?”

Sunny nodded, blinking a few times to clear up his foggy vision. He lacked sleep and his body made it painfully aware.

“Hero’s made some breakfast for you all. I always tell him to make something healthier, but…” she trailed off in a motherly fashion. “Go on now,” she prompted, seeing his hesitation.

Sunny slowly made his way down, stopping midway. He focused his eyes on something dark at the bottom of the stairs and tried to make sense of what it was.

A hole.

He took a step back and rubbed his eyes with his hands, keeping them there briefly. Just a while ago, nothing was there. There can’t be a hole on the floor. It made no sense, right?

 Something touched his face, making him jump back in surprise. “What’s wrong? Do you feel unwell?” Elena asked, checking his forehead for his temperature. “I doubt you have a fever,” she murmured to herself. “Let’s go sit down and get some food in that stomach, hm?”

 Hero tossed the last of the pancakes into the platter, letting out a small sigh of relief at the amount he’d made; Kel had barely started eating and had stuffed a whole one into his mouth, making his cheeks stretch ridiculously.

“Man, vif are betta van laft time!” Kel gleamed, getting bits everywhere.

Hero made a face, but he was long used to the mess his younger brother made. “Leave some for us too, will you?” he asked.

 Kel gulped down the pancake and gave his chest a few pats to help get the food down. “You made like – What’s the equivalent of twenty? ‘Two dozen’ sounds lame.” He poured some more maple syrup on his plate.

“Go on, sit down,” their mother asked, leaving Sunny to do just that as she went to pick up the phone that started ringing. Sunny pulled out a chair and sat next to Kel.

“Good morning, Charlotte, I was just about to call,” Elena greeted. She could hear her husband trying to pull the car out of the garage and then of course; the nasty screech of the wheels against the slippery ice sounded. Her husband could be stubborn as a mule sometimes. Last night the argument whether or not the car was suitable to be used in this weather kept them up for a good while.

“Yes, they are all up and having breakfast,” she continued, gesturing towards Sunny in a motion as if to tell him to eat. The boy turned back to his plate, watching as he slowly picked the cutlery up. 

“Ah, that’s wonderful, but my boys won’t be able to join you. No, no, we’re expecting my sister tomorrow. Mhm.”

 While the brothers’ mother went on to talk with his own about the horrible weather and how much it snowed last night, blocking the roads, Sunny cut a piece of the pancake and lifted it to his mouth. It smelled great, the texture was fluffy and the syrup was abundant, dripping off the sides in slow motion. Next to him, Kel was already halfway done, throwing expectant glances towards the platter.

 Kel clicked his tongue, recalling the supposed get together that followed the next day. “Oh, man… I’m not ready for tía. Maybe I should say I’m sick or something.” He had to protect his cheeks somehow. At least she always gave him some money and there was that new Captain Spaceboy game coming out soon.

“Aw come on, don’t say that,” Hero said, failing to hide how much he was agreeing with Kel on this; she always pinched their faces so hard they stung for minutes afterwards. “We haven’t seen everyone in a while...”

“Oh, there’s plenty. Do tell Mari to come grab a bite, if she’s up,” Elena said and Sunny’s food almost got stuck in his throat.

“That’s okay. It’s still early,” Elena chuckled. “Sunny, your mom’s on the phone,” she called.

 Sunny placed his fork down, padded across the kitchen to get to the phone and placed it on his ear, but said nothing. He couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about it. Was she back from work by now? Had she found him?

“Hello? Sunny?”

Did she feel sad about it?

“...Mom.”

“Good morning, sweetie. Did you sleep well?”

Or was she relieved?

“...Yes.”

“Are you feeling a bit better today? Your voice sounds a bit stuffy.”

“…”

“I’ll make you your favorite today. How’s that sou-”

“I’m coming over,” Sunny cut her off, giving the phone back to Mrs. Elena. He could hear his mother speak still, but all he could do was rush to grab his shoes and coat.

“You’re leaving? You barely touched your food again,” Mrs. Elena noted.

 Sunny turned to the brothers, but wasn’t sure what to say. “S-Sorry,” he sputtered, getting ready. He tuned everyone’s voices out, vaguely hearing their mother tell him something as he opened the door and ran.

Just a few steps away. His home.

 For the first time he didn’t hesitate. He just knocked, and knocked and knocked, until the door flew open, revealing his mother in that familiar robe she always wore on top of her pajamas. Before she could even greet him, Sunny hugged her tightly – as tightly as he could. She smelled like freshly brewed coffee and clean laundry like always and it was the most soothing thing right now.

He never appreciated enough all she had done for him. He had probably been a burden to her all these years, doing nothing but numbly half-listen to what she was saying.

Had she seen the letter? How much did she hate him now that she knew the truth?

“Well I missed you too, sweetheart,” she chuckled lightly, petting his head. “Let’s head inside though, it’s freezing.”

 As sweet as the gesture was, it was sudden and odd, Charlotte couldn’t deny it. Her son wasn’t the most willing to show affection in such effusive and direct ways; his shy nature took the best of him, but that was also what made gestures like this feel even sweeter. But this hug – like last time – felt desperate and sad, and that bad feeling she had before was starting to worsen.

“Why didn’t you button up? And you put nothing on your head,” she scolded, frowning at how cold his face felt to the touch. “Come on,” she ushered him inside quickly with a hand behind his back.

“It’s been snowing non-stop,” she sighed. “Dad thought we should visit the mall, but… the weather had to ruin that for us, unfortunately,” she said, guiding them towards the fireplace so he could warm up. Tanaka had lit it up first thing in the morning so that the house would be warm by the time the kids would be up and about. “It’s supposed to get warmer tomorrow, so hopefully we can go then.”

“...Where’s… dad?” Sunny asked, relieved not to see him there. Neither him, nor Mari.

“Dad went over to buy a few things from the pharmacy. Mari’s taking a bath,” his mother replied. “Elena told me you had breakfast already, but do you want me to whip you something else up?”

“No...” Sunny shook his head quickly. Better to leave before Mari was done and he had to face her too. “I-I’ll go see Basil,” he added hurriedly.

“You’ll get out in the cold again?” His mother said, furrowing her brow. She cupped his face. “You’re still as cold as ice and just got home,” she tried to disincline, but Sunny had already stood up, and so did she in return.

“I-I need to ask him something,” Sunny used as an excuse. “It’s… important.”

 Charlotte held his gaze with a skeptical one. Eventually she gave in, too weak to the face her son was making. “Fine,” she sighed. “But don’t take too long, yes? Let’s all do something together today. Maybe we can all watch something?”

 Sunny let her squeeze him in a warm embrace. When she pulled away, she buttoned up his coat and brought his fluffy scarf from the hanger, wrapping it around him in a practiced manner. Once she was pleased with the result, he gave it a few pats and smiled. “I’ll give you some cake to bring to him. We made some last night with Mari,” she said, heading over to the kitchen.

Sunny followed after her, and watched as she commented about this and that as she cut a few generous pieces and placed them all carefully in a plate before wrapping it up.

“There,” she hummed, looking satisfied. “...Don’t be late, alright?”

Sunny meekly nodded, accepting the plate. His mother stood outside the door as she watched him go, refusing to go back inside until he was out of sight.