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AUDIO (PODFIC) FUCKING HILARIOUS PLEASE LISTEN WITH HEADPHONES
I am sollux captor I have been in space for a year now that drop of pee in my pants is frozen on my penis , it hurts my girlfriend with a horrible and sad or dead expression looks as if she got hit with a bat several times and I sit there wishing I went with them my girlfriend kind of grunts and dies in the distance I have a sharp pain in my stomach and , it is getting worse every time I breath in later that day I hear that GaMzEe has gone into a coma after passing out on karkat's sofa at midnight and ERIDAN was in the desert looking for the seven city's of gold soon to die and I float around and drool for what feels like hours thinking about a French fry I stepped on while I left my friends behind and quit life forever I hope every day that they will come for me every day I wish that they will come to say hi or get the frozen pee of my penis I slightly try to sleep as a astroid taps my head thinking it was karkat I cry for days thinking it was him I wish I had some honey to soften the pain but I realize I'm all alone forever no people to talk to or even have a slight eye contact with I lay and fall into a deep sleep
Your name is Sollux captor, and the eridan is coming, he is coming so fast you can't even comprehend his speed. You want to be like Tavros so you try to fly away. You see eridan coming on all fours straight towards you.
You don't know what to do. You break off a piece of frozen pee from your rock hard penis and you stab eridan in the eye. He screams "the Babadook is coming" then he flies into the sun. You rip off Aradia's foot and you try to wear it like a shoe but vriska takes it away from you and runs away. You are very sad that you lost the foot. You get a message from the karkat and you feel the sudden urge to shake Aradia's corpse violently. Karkat comes out of the computer and steals Aradia's remaining foot. You scream no but he crawls back into the computer and now you have blood all over your screen. You cry, because you realize he stole your feet too.
Your name is Sollux captor and jake English Is gay. Peanuts caramel put that in your mouth. Inhale the peanuts. And die because your jake English. Sollux heroically whacked jake English with gamzee's juggling club. The. Karkat came and spat on all of them. Then everyone showed up and gamzee screwed them all, including me, gamzee x everyone was canon. Tavros climbs to the top of the roof then gets pushed off, breaking both his arms. I come in with a shotgun and shoot everyone. GAM. Karkat runs over to the jungle gym and tries to climb to the top but falls off, I laugh at him. He cries, with his last breath Tavros licks gamzee until death. Tavros and I climb to the jungle gym and Tavros ends up like karkat. Tavros fell because he didn't have any legs.Dirk and jake made out in the bathroom and I watched them for 4 hours.
Dirk and jake thought it would be a good idea to make out on the jungle gym. Tavros was climbing when he saw the wild jape and dirk and he screamed and fell of the jungle gym. I tried to get to the top of the jungle gym to push them off. Karkat karkatted all the way to the top and he grabbed jape and ripped his foot off. Dirk was furious so he pushed karkat off. Karkat VRiska and I climbed to the top and watched as 6842 tavroses fell from the sky like rain. Rose was already on top of the jungle gym and she was trying not to get hit by the Tavros rain. Doc scratch scratched me in the arm. We all gathered around the jape and dirk as they made out. Kanaya came and stopped jape and dirk. That was a fun day.
Karkat is in the hospital getting a cast gamzee is getting a cast too and they crying and vriska walked in and laughed at them and they crying even harder and then vriska laughed harder and vriska told Karkat and gamzee the she killed tavros they did not know sollux walks in there hospital room with the shotgun and shot the seeling over and over again a gamzee yelled stop Karkat yelled what are you doing vriska yelled at sollux to leave the room and go find tavros sollux said I saw you push tavros of the building