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Riven walked down the avenue towards the address that Brandon had given him the day before. The buzzing streets of Magix, always full of people rushing to nowhere, reminded him of a life he once had. Boarding school, an opportunity to get on the right path, a solid group of friends- not that he realised at the time. He often reminisced about those days, even though back then he never felt completely happy.
Something wet fell on his face. Lifting his head up, he finally noticed that the menacing clouds had decided to open up on all the unsuspecting pedestrians. He pulled the zip to his leather jacket all the way up. Not that he particularly cared about the rain, but he did not want to get soaked before his meeting. Going through it in dry clothes was going to be uncomfortable enough.
He reached the small coffee shop soon enough. Somewhere quaint in his old squad mate’s words. Perfect for the occasion. Riven scanned the place. Low ceilings, candles, enclosed booths for added privacy. He guessed it would do the job.
A girl greeted him as he shook his head to get rid of the water dripping from his hair.
“Table for one?” She asked in a hopeful tone, eyes eagerly scanning over his body.
“Meeting someone.” It was flattering, but it was the last thing on his mind right now.
The waitress did not try to hide her disappointment as she walked him to an empty booth. Riven took the seat facing the rest of the room and the entrance. Never turn your back to the enemy and always keep an eye on the exit route. Concepts that had been burned into his brain way before Red Fountain taught them about spacial awareness.
He ordered a black coffee, discarded the jacket onto the back of his chair, sat down and waited.
She arrived 5 minutes later, rushing through the entrance to escape the downpour. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed that her hair was up in two long pigtails.
Fuck. This was going to be so much harder than he thought.
She was wearing some baggy jeans and a long-sleeve red crop-top, making a fond smirk appear on his face. She hadn’t changed one bit.
Sadly, the expression on her face when she noticed him was closer to fury than fondness.
She looked like she was about to head back outside, so he sprung up and reached her before she could run away from him. “Musa wait!”
He grabbed her arm and she glared at him, so he released his grip slightly. Just not enough for her to slip away.
“What the hell are you doing here?!”
He ran his free hand through his hair, already feeling the tension building inside of him. Right, deep breath. That’s what Evelyn always told him when he started to get angry.
“I just want to talk to you.” He looked around the room, noticing other clients and the waitress looking at them curiously. “Preferably without making a scene.”
“And why in the Magic Dimension would I do that?”
Deep breath. “Come on Muse, you would really choose a rainstorm over sitting down with me?”
She ticked at the mention of her nickname, and gave him a pointed look to answer his question. Shit. The nickname had slipped before he could stop himself. He had to grit his teeth to be able to voice his next word. “Please.”
Musa looked genuinely surprised so he took the opportunity to lead her swiftly to their booth. She let out a long sigh before dropping down on the free chair.
“I can’t believe Stella managed to stitch me up.” She wasn’t looking at him and her arms were crossed over her chest defensively.
“What did she say to you?” He was truly curious. The fact the Princess of Solaria had accepted to trick her friend into meeting him was still bewildering. He guessed he owed her one.
“Promised she would stop trying to play matchmaker if I met up with one last guy.”
She was single. He felt his guts stir a little and scolded himself for the thought. This was not why he was here.
“So this is you dressed for a date?” He couldn’t help but mock her. Some things never change. “We both know you can do better than that Muse.” And that fucking nickname again.
“My instincts told me not to dress to impress today. They were right.”
His lips twitched upwards despite himself. He chuckled.
She ordered a cappuccino with two sugars while he sipped on his own drink. The tension between them was so thick you could have cut it with a knife.
“So what do you want?” Her tone was dry, uninviting. Her walls were up higher than ever. He couldn’t blame her. He was the one who broke her heart countless times after all. But then again so had she.
He had no idea where to start. Him and Evelyn had gone over it so many times. What to say, how to act, how not to lose his temper. They’d rehearsed it again and again, he was sick of it by the end.
Yet right now his mind was blank. Empty. Void. Wiped out by the arrival of this feisty little fairy. She always did know how to make him lose his mind.
“I want to talk to you.” Was all that came out.
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah you already said that.”
He glared at her. Deep breath. Why did she have to make this so fucking difficult?
“I’m gonna tell you about my childhood.”
Her mouth fell agape and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “…what?”
“Just listen okay? Evelyn said-“
“Who’s that?” Her tone had been sharp and she was staring at him intensely, searching his face for a clue.
“My therapist.”
Surprise painted her features and for the first time since she had walked through the door, she softened. “Oh”
He tried not to cringe at her reaction. She was now the only person outside of him and Evelyn that knew about it. It made his skin crawl so badly that suddenly the thought of jumping to his death from Cloud Tower again seemed more appealing.
“Whatever.”
He took the deepest and longest breath yet, set his eyes down on the table, stopped trying to think and just spoke.
First he told her about his father, a small scale con-man turned full blown criminal. He had become a prominent drug dealer, a PIMP and a murderer after Riven’s birth. His father had always been touch and go in his life until he tried to blackmail his son into joining the ‘family business’.
Riven wasn’t sure how much to reveal on that specific point however, so all he told Musa was that he had dealt with it and it was no longer an issue. She didn’t need the gory details.
Then he told her about his mother, or at least what he remembered of her. He had a few memories from early childhood and although they were not living in opulence she had been gentle and loving. But then his father got her hooked on drugs and she became one of his prostitutes in order to be able to pay for them. She died of an overdose just before he turned seven.
After that he lived with his father- not that he saw him much- for a few years, mostly stealing things and spying for him and his goons until he ran away and social services got him off the street when he was 10. He was put in an orphanage where he was malnourished and beaten up on a regular basis.
There had been one good thing though. When he was thirteen he had been put into a foster family. A single guy called Dave who was actually decent with him. They had argued a lot but he meant well. He was the reason Riven had managed to enrol into the Red Fountain Prep Academy at fourteen.
“He always used to say that he could see something in me and that he wouldn’t have me squander my potential.” Riven shrugged at the memories. “He was a great mechanic by the way. Taught me how to take a wind rider apart and put it back together.”
“Riven…”
He finally raised his gaze to meet his ex-girlfriend’s eyes. The sight made him shut his immediately.
Her hand was covering the bottom half of her face, two fingers gently brushing her parted lips. Her big navy eyes glimmering with tears that she was no doubt fighting back with all her might.
The expression on her face made him feel sick. This was why he never spoke about his life before he became a specialist. He knew exactly how people would react and he couldn’t stand being looked at that way.
Evelyn said this whole thing would make him feel better, and right now he wondered she had been yet one more person to lie to his face.
“I don’t want your pity.” His jaw was tense and his eyelids still firmly shut.
He heard her sniffle quietly before she cleared her throat. “Did you keep in touch with him?” Her voice didn’t waiver too much and he welcomed her attempt at a distraction.
He opened his eyes again. “No. He cut off all ties with me half way through the prep year. Never heard from him after that.”
Another flash of distress and sympathy across her face, except this time she managed to school her expression before he could complain.
“I looked for him recently. Turns out he died of a heart attack two years ago.” He felt the need to add that information for some reason.
She stared at him for little while, hands wrapped around her now cold cup of cappuccino. The silence was incredibly awkward, but he felt like it was her turn to talk.
“I don’t know what to say Riven.” Great.
“Right.” He sighed. “Well the whole point of this- or so had Evelyn said- is to explain to you why trust is difficult for me.” The words he was uttering now felt even more difficult than trusting anyone to be honest. But he had promised he would try- even though he thought his well meaning therapist was off her rocker. And this new Riven kept his promises.
She was giving him a look that seemed to say ‘No shit’ and he chuckled internally. She would know well enough about his trust issues.
“Apparently I have a lot of pent up anger and have run away from my emotions for most of my life or whatever. You know I don’t do feelings.” He waved his hand at the last word.
“No you don’t.” Her expression was neutral but her eyes intense, like she was trying to work something out.
“So umm, basically- here goes nothing- I’m sorry.”
Her eyebrows shot so high that they disappeared under her bangs. “You’re sorry?”
His jaw, along with every single muscle in his body it seemed, tensed again. Deep breath. At what fucking point was this shit supposed to get easier?
“I’m sorry for being a terrible boyfriend.” He paused. “I’m sorry I shut you out repeatedly. I’m sorry I took my shit out on you.” I’m sorry I never let you in…
She gave him a soft smile and he felt his stupid heart melt instantly. Stupid useless organ.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She nodded. “Thank you for telling me all this. I’m not sure how you actually managed to go through with it but it means a lot to me Riven.”
“Hmm”
“And…” she hesitated for a second, eyes looking down at her cup. “I’m sure I’ve got my share of responsibility for the shortcomings of our relationship.”
He laughed openly, blown away by her concession. After taking so much blame for so long her words felt like music to his ears. That’s something he had learned with Evelyn and that actually made him feel better about himself. The realisation that he was not the sole culprit for all the shit that had happened in his life. Sometimes other people fucked up too. “Oh yeah you do.”
If a look could kill he would have met his end there and then. “Asshole.”
His shoulders continued to shake with the remnants of his chortling.
Musa dropped her angry façade and studied him candidly. Where before she was closed up and defensive, now she seemed open and intrigued.
“So where have you been?”
He wasn’t used to speak about himself that much but he humoured her. That and he knew that if he started asking about her he would fall back into that hole. “Just doing jobs here and there. I come back to Magix every month for a face to face therapy session though. The rest has been over the phone.”
“You’re really serious about this thing then?”
“Yeah.”
She seemed uncertain about her next question. “What about now then, are you leaving again?”
“Guess so.” And at that something shifted dramatically and her expression closed off again.
What was that about? Was she expecting something else from him?
“Well then I’ll be on my way.” She stood up gracefully and dropped some coins on the table. “Bye Riven.” She barely shot him a glance before walking off.
And Riven sat there like a dumbfounded idiot, heart stuck in his throat. What the fuck had just happened?
He hadn’t come here to get her back. No he’d come to make amends, to move forward and become a better person. He wasn’t opposed to the possibility obviously, but thought that option was dead in the ground.
Except now he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Evelyn had helped him to read himself and other people better. He still wasn’t very good at it but he wasn’t completely oblivious anymore.
So what if, maybe…?
He stood up abruptly, threw a note on the table- at least that waitress was getting a generous tip- as he grabbed his jacket and ran outside like his life depended on it.
He sprinted through the exit and out into the avenue. The rain had just stopped and a few people were starting to fill the street up again, but there was enough visibility for him to spot the long two navy pigtails walking away from him. He resumed his sprinting, determined not to let her slip away.
“Musa! MUSA!”
She stopped at the sound of her name, and turned around slowly, a look of caution on her face.
“Riven?”
He caught up with her barely out of breath- thanks to years of training- and grabbed her hand in his. To his relief she didn’t pull away.
“Musa.” Violet met navy and he had to use all of his willpower not to get sucked into that beautiful vortex.
He took another deep breath, probably the most important up until now. His whole body was revolting against what he was about to say.
Fuck it.
“Ask me to stay.”
She blinked at him in disbelief, probably doubting whether she’d heard him properly. “What?”
“Ask me to stay and I will.”
She stared at him blankly and he felt the need to elaborate. “I want to. Brandon said I would easily get a job with the guardian network, and I miss my old team. I miss my friends.” I miss you. “But I won’t stay unless you want me to.”
There was fear in her eyes. She was probably scared that letting him back in her life would lead to endless amounts of suffering again. But amongst the fear was hope.
She squeezed his hand gently before pulling it away from him, only to slide both her arms around his waist and bury her head into his chest.
He was pretty sure his stupid heart was now trying to punch a hole through his sternum. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, revelling in the feeling of her tiny frame leaning into him.
She pushed off just enough to give him a timid smile. “I want you to stay.” He smiled back, a genuine happy smile. “But Riv I’m not sure-“
He cut her off, knowing exactly where she was going with that. “I’m not asking you to get back with me.” The tinge of disappointment he detected in her eyes gave him a warm feeling all over. “I just want to try again here and see where that leads…”
She grinned at him “That sounds great.”
Later on that night, just as he lied down on the comfy bed of his overpriced hotel room, he felt his phone buzz in the back pocket of his jeans.
[20:13] Muse: Hey Riv, you wouldn’t happen to know whether that therapist of yours is taking new clients?
Riven chuckled to himself as he searched his phone for Evelyn’s contact details. Maybe she had been right about this after all.