Work Text:
“So…. if this is a sensitive issue I’ll shut up, but do you have any family?”
Kotetsu immediately jumped up into Barnaby’s lap- that was a bad sign- but Barnaby just took a deep breath and answered. "Y-yes I do." he said. "B-b-but w-we don't t-t-talk."
Ohio nodded. He wanted to ask follow up questions but Kotetsu had started licking Barnaby's chin, so this was probably a good time to talk about something else..
"You keep saying you're going to make me watch anime." Ohio said, changing the subject. "You wanna start now?"
Barnaby perked up immediately. "A-ancient Egypt o-or M-mechs?" he asked.
"Ancient Egypt?" Ohio said. "...Why do I feel like I just made a huge mistake?"
"Y-you d-didn't." Barnaby said. "Come s-sit. I'll st-start Yu-Gi-Oh."
"All of this is bullshit." Ohio complained around a mouthful of popcorn. "Ancient Egyptians absolutely did not have magic stone tablet monsters."
"Are you s-sure?" Barnaby teased.
Ohio just pouted at him.
"We c-can sw-switch to the mechs if you want?"
"No." Ohio said. "I need to know if Grandpa is ok. "
Ridiculously historically inaccurate it might be, but Yu-Gi-Oh was really fun.
Barnaby's phone rang, the generic ringtone, which was unusual. Barnaby, like Morgan, had special ringtones saved for everyone.
But when Barnaby checked the caller ID he went tense.
Ohio paused the TV.
Ohio noted the ID said 'Bart' before Barnaby answered it.
"H-h-h-hello?" he asked. "W-w-w-what is i-it?" he asked.
Ohio was immediately concerned, Barnaby's stutter got worse when he was upset or nervous. Ohio hadn't heard it this bad in a while.
Ohio couldn't hear who was on the other end, but Barnaby went from looking nervous to looking like he was going to cry immediately.
"Oh-okay" he said. "Y-y-yes. I'm c-c-c-coming."
Barnaby was standing before he ended the call, already heading over to the coat closet.
"What's going on?" Ohio asked.
Barnaby was trying to get his coat on but the sleeves were all tangled up.
"I-i-i h-have t-t-to go. I-i-i-" he trailed off, stuck and still wrestling with his coat.
Ohio came over and helped Barnaby untangle his coat. "Take your time."
"M-m-my grandma's in th-the h-h-hospital." Barnaby said. He was red-faced.
"Do you want me to come?"
"No!"
Ohio had never heard Barnaby shout before. It was a little surprising. Kotetsu whined.
"I-i-i c-c- I-it's-" Barnaby's words failed again and he hid his face in his hands.
Ohio hugged Barnaby tight, and kissed the sliver of forehead he could see above Barnaby's hands and said. "Ok, not coming with you. Do you need me to do anything for you?"
Against his chest Barnaby shook his head.
"Ok. If that changes you'll call me or text me right?" Ohio asked.
Barnaby nodded.
"Ok good."
As Ohio stepped back Barnaby stopped hiding his face and pulled Ohio down into a kiss.
"Thank you." Barnaby said when the kiss ended. "I'm s-sorry I-"
"You don't have to apologize for anything."
Barnaby shook his head as he pulled on his shoes.
"A-ask M-Morgan." he said- and then he and Kotetsu were out the door, leaving Ohio alone in the apartment.
He didn't head across the hall immediately. First he put away their anime-watching snacks away and turned off the TV.
Once the place was tidied up Ohio reluctantly left…only to find Morgan in the hall, leaning against their own door, waiting for him.
"Why hello Professor James," Morgan purred. "You wanna tell me why Barnaby just texted me permission to tell you all his darkest secrets?"
"His grandmother is sick and he's going to the hospital?" Ohio said.
Morgan nodded. "Ahh… that explains it."
"It does?" Ohio asked.
"Yep! Come on." Morgan said, waving him into the villain's apartment. "I got all the tea."
Ohio followed reluctantly. "I don't know if I want the tea?"
"Oh you do." Morgan gestured to the kitchen table. "Let me get the family tree."
"Family tree?" Ohio asked, but Morgan didn't answer, just headed back to their workshop leaving Ohio alone in the kitchen.
…Alex was asleep on the couch. Ohio realized. The most powerful being on the planet was out cold, face down on a scratchy twill couch, drooling on the cushions. One hand hanging off the edge and laying onto the floor.
Morgan's life was kind of surreal.
As Morgan returned to the kitchen they paused by the couch and crouched to pick up Alex's hand and tuck it under their cheek.
The folder Morgan dropped on the table was labeled 'Dog Boy'
"Ok, first things first." Morgan held out their phone. "To prove I’m not being nefarious. Here's Barnaby's message."
'Had to leave,' it read. 'Can you explain to Ohio about my family?'
"What's going on with his family?" Ohio asked. Despite himself he was curious.
"Oh our dearest Dog Boy's family is even more fucked up than mine ." Morgan said gleefully.
Ohio frowned and crossed his arms.
He frowned even harder when Morgan pulled out an actual printed out family tree.
"Alright let's start at the top- Bruno Barbenese, former head of the Central City Mafia.”
“...Why am I learning about the Central City Mafia?” Ohio asked. “I thought you were telling me about Barnaby.”
Morgan grinned. “I am. ”
“Now,” they continued. “Bruno built up his crime empire from scratch, married a nice rich girl named Beverly and had one son before a rival gang filled him full of lead.
“So son Benedict Barbenese takes over. He marries a showgirl he met at one of his own clubs. Her name- honest to god- is Bambi.
“Benedict and Bambi-”
“Continue the B name tradition?” Ohio asked. He was pretty sure he knew where Morgan was going. Barnaby had been born into one of the most infamous crime families in the region. Morgan was enjoying himself though, and if Barnaby’s grandma was really sick, Ohio might be meeting all these people soon.
“There are so many more B names.” Morgan said solemnly. “ Anyway , they had a big ol gaggle of kids. Barbara’s their oldest- she actually has a kid of her own who’s Ducky’s age. Next is Bernard, then Bentley, and last but not least, the twins.”
“Twins?”
Morgan nodded. “Bartleby and Barnaby.”
“The caller ID said Bart.” Ohio recalled.
Morgan nodded again. “The family wasn’t thrilled when Barnaby went hero- he’s no contact with everyone except grandma and his twin.
“He took grandma Beverly’s maiden name when he left by the way.” Morgan explained.
“So he and grandma are close.”
“Extremely.” Morgan said.
“That sucks.”
Morgan shrugged. "She’s 87, Ohio. Even if she’s fine this time she’s on her way out.”
Ohio sighed. “Thanks for the heads up Morgan.”
“You’re taking this super well.” Morgan said.
“Am I?” Ohio said.”What, have people been jerks about this?”
“I have a tally of two immediate dumpings and three more who bailed after Bartleby gave them the shovel talk- by the way that’s a thing that’ll happen once Bart finds out about you.” Morgan explained. “The rest of the family more or less pretends Barnaby is dead, but Bart is a little… overprotective.”
“How overprotective?”Ohio asked.
“He tried to kill me a couple times before Barnaby sat him down and explained how nemesises work.” Morgan said.
“He sounds delightful.”
As soon as Ohio left Morgan’s he got his phone out and texted Barnaby, he would have like to call, but he didn’t want to interrupt if Barnaby was busy.
‘I love you.’ he messaged. ‘Let me know if you need anything.’
He had gotten a heart back before bed that night, and then nothing else until the next day during his office hours.
‘Can you come pick me up?’ Barnaby texted. ‘Grandma’s ok. She’s being discharged now.’
‘On my way.’ Ohio replied as he wrote out a sign for his door explaining his absence with his other hand.
When Ohio pulled up the hospital Barnaby had directed him to he got an interesting surprise.
Barnaby was leaning against the building by the loading bay, talking to… Morgan had said Barnaby had a twin, but Ohio hadn’t realized Barnaby had an identical twin.
Bartleby, because that must be who this was, was maybe a little taller than Barnaby, it was hard to tell with Barnaby curled in on himself. Bartleby also had slicked back hair and was in a collared shirt, shirt vest, and slacks, again in direct contrast to Barnaby’s oversized sweater and jeans.
Last but not least, Bartleby had a ghostly black long haired cat perched on his shoulder. Their powers were even similar, interesting.
Ohio waved and Barnaby caught sight of him immediately. He smiled at Ohio, and stood away from the wall.
He said something, goodbye presumably to his brother and headed Ohio’s way.
As soon as Barnaby turned his back on his brother Ohio found himself on the receiving end of a deeply suspicious glare from Bartleby.
He did his best not to flinch, and as soon as Barnaby opened the car door Ohio was thoroughly distracted. Barnaby hugged him as soon as he was in the car.
"You ok?" Ohio asked.
Barnaby shook his head, "I will b-be." he said.
"Let's get you home." Ohio said.
When he glanced back at the hospital Bartleby was gone.
It was two days later, and Ohio was again in their office, just finishing up office hours. His last student was leaving and Ohio packed up his bag as they did.
“Good night Professor.”
“Good night!” Ohio waved as he was at last alone in his office. Only now did he open his desk drawer and fish out the small box inside. His students were endlessly curious about his love life since he’d accidentally let slip that he had a boyfriend.
It was just a new watch chain in the little box, Barnaby’s last pocket watch chain had been sacrificed to escape one of Morgan’s death traps last week, but Ohio knew how his students would interpret a box that size.
As Ohio tucked the little box in his bag a long haired black cat hopped up on his desk. It was translucent, like Kotetsu.
“Oh.” Ohio said, “So we’re doing this now.”
Then he was slammed back into his bookshelf by Bartleby. Ohio hadn’t seen him coming, which was pretty impressive.
“Can I help you?” Ohio said, despite the forearm compressing his windpipe.
“You can leave my brother the fuck alone.” Bartleby hissed. He really did look remarkably like Barnaby.
“...Don’t wanna though.” Ohio said.
Bartleby actually snarled at him, but stepped back, letting Ohio go. Bartleby was in a black suit today, and looked… honestly a little like he was going to a wedding, but also very intimidating. Ohio made sure to look intimidated. Which was hard because again, Bartleby looked a lot like Barnaby. And Barnaby looked adorable when he was mad.
“Does my brother know about your criminal history Ohio Winifred James?”
Ohio winced at his full name. “Technically I don’t have a criminal record.” Ohio said. “Never been caught… But yes. He does.”
Bartleby seemed genuinely shocked.
“It was the biggest fight we’ve ever had.” Ohio admitted. “But we worked it out, and now if I say I’m going on an expedition to the lost city of Atlanta he doesn’t ask any more questions.”
That seemed to flummox Bartleby. “Atlanta.” he said.
“My friend Milo has this great presentation about it actually…” Ohio said as his office door opened again.
Barnaby stopped dead in the doorway when he saw his brother- though Kotetsu came bounding over to see Ohio- and to stand between him and Bartleby, Ohio noticed.
“Bart.” Barnaby said, sounding madder than Ohio had ever heard. “W-what are you d-doing here?”
Ohio watched in fascination as Bartleby- an actual real life mobster- ducked his head, tough guy demeanor melting away in the face of Barnaby’s anger. “Nothing.” he muttered.
“Oh he stopped by to introduce himself.” Ohio said brightly. Both brothers looked up at him in surprise. “And I was telling him about my work.”
“Hmm.” Barnaby said. “Really?”
“Yep.” Ohio said.
Barnaby moved across the room and pulled Ohio down more forcefully than usual into a kiss. Ohio had to admit, he kinda liked when Barnaby was pissed at someone else.
“Did you come to see me at work?” Ohio asked.
“Yes. I thought w-we c-could get dinner.” Barnaby said.
“Sounds great.” Ohio said- and noticed Bartleby and his cat were making a break for it while Barnaby was distracted.
“Bart!” Barnaby called. His twin froze in the doorway. “Y-you and Mai are c-coming with us.”
“I’m what?” Bartleby said.
“Oh great!” Ohio said. He meant it too, this was amazing . “Where do we want to go? Has Bart seen Yugioh?”
Barnaby had linked arms with Ohio and Bartleby and more or less dragged them off campus.
Bartleby had absolutely seen Yugioh- it was his and Barnaby's anime of choice as little kids. His cat Mai was named after Mai Valentine. Who Barnaby teased was "Bart's girlfriend."
They wound up at a Crabby Joe’s Bar and Grill a few blocks away, where Ohio got to watch Barnaby gently bully his twin into updates on the rest of the family over a plate of cheese fries.
It turned out not only was Barnaby’’s nephew Beau Ducky’s age, he was in the same class as Ducky… and Hawk.
“That Hawk kid is weird.” Bartleby had said, and then eyed Barnaby and Ohio as they both started laughing.
“We know Hawk’s parents,” Ohio had explained. “You have no idea how weird they are.”
When they finished dinner Bartleby left, though not before Barnaby had pulled him into a long hug, that included some ear whispering Ohio didn’t catch.
Once they were alone Barnaby hugged Ohio tight. “Th-Thank you.”
“Didn’t know hanging out with you would up my street cred.” Ohio teased. “I have something for you by the way.”
He fished the watch chain out of his bag and gave it to Barnaby. Barnaby looked delighted with the gift, and insisted on putting it on his watch right now.
“It’s plated steel.” Ohio explained. “So hopefully it’ll hold up to any of Morgan’s contraptions. Unless they have access to shakeanium.”
“B-besides their fridge.” Barnaby said.
“Well yeah but if they melt down that then they don’t have a fridge.”
“Y-you s-say that like it-it’ll st-stop them.”