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Twilight quietly pushed the front door open. Unexpectedly, the lights in the living room were still on and he quickly contemplated the best course of action.
Someone in the house was most likely awake, but there is a chance they didn’t hear the sound of the door opening. Did he still have time to make his way back without being noticed?
“Welcome back, Loid- Oh god…”
And there it was.
Twilight closed the door behing him, then took off his hat and placed it on the hanger. He moved to do the same thing with his coat as he forced a smile towards Yor’s direction.
“Yor! What are you doing up so late?”
“I just couldn’t sleep, but forget that! More importantly, you’re hurt.”
Lies .
Often, Twilight could detect a hint of dishonesty in her words and this time it was confirmed as she completely avoided his gaze. He was too tired to dwell on it, instead he just shook his head.
“It’s nothing. It’s late, you should go rest.”
Yor furrowed her brows and approached him. “You’re bleeding. This looks serious, let me help.”
“Seriously, I am fine. Go to bed.”
His tone was firmer than it would normally be but the last thing he wanted was to worry her. Wait, no, the last thing he wanted was to bring suspicion upon himself and jeopardize the mission.
Unfortunately for him, Yor wasn’t at all deterred and lightly touched his arm. Not enough to hurt but enough to make Twilight tense up. He knew she wouldn’t hurt him but he still wasn’t used to letting others so close.
“How did this happen? It looks like you need stitches. Should we go to the hospital?”
Twilight knew he needed stitches. That is something that he usually did in his car before he came up to the apartment, but he got careless and forgot to stack up on supplies. It would have been easy to patch himself up in his room but he didn’t even think to check the keyhole and see if the lights were still on. Since when is he this negligent?
“No. No hospital.” As a spy it wasn’t allowed. Do it yourself or go back to headquarters and let the doctors take a look at you.
“Truly, Yor, it’s nothing.” Twilight tried to smile again but he knew it wouldn’t convince her. Yor tended to be stubborn when she had her mind set on something. “I just had some troubles with a patient.”
Stifling a gasp, Yor gently tugged on his jacket. “Come on then, I’ll help you.”
Twilight wanted to argue further but it would be futile, instead he let himself be led to the bathroom.
Once they arrived, Yor held onto Twilight’s sleeve to help him get out of his coat. He couldn’t say that he didn’t appreciate it as she tried to make it as painless as possible. If he did it by himself it would have involved a lot more suffering. He would’ve thought after so many years on this job he would have gotten used to pain but it never gets any easier.
“I’m sorry, Loid, but your coat and shirt are ruined.”
Twilight honestly found it adorable when she got concerned over things like that.
“That’s to be expected. It’s alright. I guess we’ll have to make a trip to the tailor, right?”
Yor nodded. “We can do it tomorrow, if you’d like. I’m sure Anya will enjoy it as well. Oh, uhm…”
At first Twilight was confused, but he immediately understood Yor’s predicament. She couldn’t stitch up his arm if he was still wearing his button-up. He moved to take it off, but winced in pain when he tried to raise his left hand to the collar button. Alright, maybe the wound was more serious than he previously thought.
The adrenaline was probably starting to wear off and Twilight's head suddenly became a lot heavier as exhaustion took over.
“Maybe I should help.”
Twilight nodded and watched as Yor reached to unbutton his shirt. Her hands were slightly shaky and when he looked at her face he noticed it was burning red. Twilight blamed the blood loss for how slow he reacted, but he was almost hypnotized by the rosy hue of her cheeks. It took him until she popped open the first button that he thought about stopping her.
“Wait, Yor. If you’re uncomfortable, I will do it.”
Yor frantically shook her head. “You helped me for so long already, let me do just this much for you.”
Seeing the determined look in her eyes, Twilight relented.
Slowly, Yor continued to unbutton his shirt until it was completely open. She blushed even harder at the sight of his bare chest and Twilight would give anything in that moment to know what she was thinking. Too bad that wasn’t possible.
She unbuttoned the small cuff at the bottom of his sleeves as well, her hands impossibly cold against his warm ones. Finally, his shirt was off and Yor, with the new task of stitching his wound, seemed to calm down.
Using a clean cloth dipped in water she washed away the blood around the wound, then picked a different cloth and poured a generous amount of rubbing alcohol on it.
“This will sting a little.”
A little was an understatement and Twilight had to bite back a groan. He knew it was coming and even though he was used to this kind of pain, being around Yor somehow made him put his guard down. Normally, he wouldn’t show even a grimace to other people, but for some reason, being vulnerable was a lot easier in front of Yor. Soon enough, however, it was over and Twilight let out a breath of relief.
“Where did you learn how to do all this?” Twilight asked as Yor prepared the string and needle.
“My brother used to get hurt on the playground a lot, so I had to learn.”
Lies .
Twilight knew she was lying but she never asked him questions so he will never ask her either. Her lies were frequent, but a while ago he made sure they would not be a hindrance to his mission. That’s all that mattered. What’s more, how could he even pretend like he had a right to her secrets when he kept so many of his own? He knew she felt that way too.
The two of them often played this game. And they both knew it. Whatever excuse given, the other would take it and they never, never ask deeper. He would lie if he said that he wasn’t curious but curiosity wasn’t needed for the mission.
“This will hurt but two stitches should be enough. Is that alright?”
Twilight nodded. This time he was prepared for the pain and he quietly sat through it as Yor worked. She was as skilled as someone who had to do this repeatedly, maybe even as skilled as himself but Twilight didn’t ask.
After she was done, Yor wrapped his arm in a clean bandage and smiled.
“You’re all done. You should rest now. Do you need anything else?”
Twilight smiled as well, but this time it was genuine. He stood up, the sudden movement paired with the blood loss made him feel dizzy. He saw black spots dancing around his eyes as the ground moved beneath his feet and god, did he sometimes forget he was human.
At one point he almost lost his balance but Yor immediately grabbed his good arm to steady him. Her grip held an unusual strength that Twilight had long gotten used to.
“Thank you, Yor.”
Without thinking, he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She let out a squeak of surprise as her face colored red once again.
Twilight walked away and his lips curled into a smile as he leaned his weight on the door frame. He didn’t mean to kiss her, it was just a momentary lapse in judgment. Normally, he would scold himself for it but what was the harm? Was it so hard to believe that Loid Forger would kiss his wife on the cheek after receiving help from her? What’s more, she didn’t seem uncomfortable at all, just surprised.
Showing gratitude to his wife was necessary for a harmonious family. It was all for the sake of the mission.
As if snapping out of a stupor, Yor shot to her feet and moved to put away the first aid supplies. She let the bloodied rag, as well as Twilight’s coat and shirt, soak in a basin of cold water before washing her hands. She was fast and efficient as if she had done this a thousand times before, but Twilight didn’t ask.
When she was done, Yor turned around and stopped in her tracks when she noticed that he was still in the bathroom. She probably expected him to go to his room now that they were done. “Is everything alright, does it still hurt?”
It was only then that Twilight realized he was staring but he didn’t avert his gaze. He blamed the blood loss for how relaxed he was, but Loid Forger looking fondly at his wife is nothing out of the ordinary.
“Don’t worry, it doesn't hurt anymore.”
Lies .
It still hurt but pain was meaningless to him and he didn’t want to worry her further.
Twilight paused, wondering whether or not it would be a good idea to continue. “Are you going to bed soon?”
Yor widened her eyes and for a few moments she seemed like she didn’t know how to respond. “I don’t think so, I’m still not that tired. Although, Loid, you really should rest now.”
“I will... But I was thinking about having a cup of tea first, what do you think?”
Tea at this hour couldn’t possibly be a good idea, but for some reason Twilight dreaded being away from her tonight. It was childish and so stupidly silly, but he wanted to stay next to Yor just for a little bit longer. Of course, he would never say it out loud and even admitting it to himself in the safety of his own thoughts caused his stomach to churn with unease.
He was better than this, he was stronger than this, he didn’t need the warmth of another person, not even the warmth of a person he trusts, because he may not know Yor’s secrets but he still trusted her more than he ever trusted anyone. That thought terrified him more than anything. He’s been doing well by himself for so long so why now?
All of his thoughts disappeared the moment Yor smiled tentatively at him.
“Alright, but let me make the tea while you rest.” Twilight opened his mouth but she cut him off before he could speak. “Please, I can handle that much!”
Twilight pursed his lips, he was suprised but he didn't hesitate to reassure her before she could get the wrong idea. “Of course you can, I know that. I was just going to say thank you…”
Yor’s mouth formed a silent ‘Oh’ as she looked to the side, sheepish. “Truly, no need to thank me. Go lay down on the couch.”
Nodding, Twilight moved to obey the request. He entered the living room as Yor made her way to the kitchen to put water on the stove. Moving quietly, Loid opened up the couch and brought a blanket. He acted a lot more slower than he normally would and by the time he set everything up and laid down, Yor entered the living room with two hot steaming mugs.
Chamomile tea with honey, the same way Loid liked it and he gratefully took one of the mugs from Yor’s hands as she turned off the lights and slipped beneath the blanket with him.
The tea was way too hot to drink yet, so Twilight picked up the remote and turned on the television. Some midnight news were on but he muted the volume and he lay his head on Yor’s shoulder.
He was so tired, his eyes were closing. If Yor showed any reaction to their proximity, he didn’t notice and instead began sipping on his tea. The Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ostania was giving a speech and the headline said something about the danger of enemy spies but it was the furthest thing from his mind.
All pretense to keep his cover flew out the window as Twilight sighed deeply. He used to hate relaxing but now he found comfort in it. Comfort was also something he avoided in the past but there was no danger here.
Once he was done with his drink, Yor took the mug from his hands and put it on the floor along with her own.
Loid Forger had a simple life.
Loid Forger had a brilliant daughter that sometimes struggled in school but that’s alright because she was gentle and cheerful and so, so curious.
Loid Forger had a strong, capable wife, intuitive and so beyond beautiful it left him out of breath sometimes.
Loid Forger had a family he loved. A family that loved him in return.
Agent Twilight had nothing, but his name and his skills. For years that had been enough. He didn’t need the gratitude of people. It was enough that he could walk the streets of both Westalis and Ostania and see other families smiling and knowing that it was his work that kept them safe and peaceful. He didn’t need a family of his own, he never did.
And yet…
As more time passed, the line between Agent Twilight and Loid Forger got blurrier and blurrier. Was it Agent Twilight that dutifully aided Anya with her studies for the sake of Operation Strix or was it Loid Forger who helped out his daughter simply because he was concerned. Was he worried about the outcome of the mission or was he worried about Anya’s future?
He couldn’t tell anymore and what was even worse was that he didn’t care . It has come to a point where the only thing he looked forward to was finishing his assignments so he could go back home.
The only thing Twilight wanted anymore was to return to his family. He wanted to be received with warmth every evening, he wanted to cook for them and see their smiles every single time they ate together, he wanted to watch Anya’s spy show with her just to see her excitement whenever Bondman successfully finished another mission, he wanted to stroll around the neighbourhood with Anya and Yor as they took Bond out for a walk, he wanted to sit at the table with Yor and chat idly as they did on numerous occasions after Anya went to bed at night.
He wanted it all and Twilight hated that he could never truly be Loid Forger. The mission will end and he will be sent on others. Anya will go back to the orphanage and hopefully, in a few years, she will forget she ever knew him while Yor will live on her own again and possibly loathe him for the rest of her life. He could live with that…
Right?
He could live with going back to his old life, gray and dull and cold. He was Agent Twilight, that’s what he did. He did it hundreds of times before and he was the best of the best. This was nothing to him, so why did he dread the moment he would have to give it all up?
Unexpectedly, he felt a cold finger softly brushing the spot between his eyebrows, smoothing out the crease. “What’s wrong?”
Twilight exhaled deeply and hid his face in her arm. Agent Twilight would never do that but Loid Forger had no reason to avoid seeking his wife’s comfort.
He shook his head. “Nothing is wrong.”
Lies .
But she didn’t pry further. She never did. Twilight both loved and hated that she understood. He loved it because it made it so much easier, but hated it because he couldn’t help but wonder what she had to live through to understand.
Agent Twilight was still baffled by how easily he trusted Yor. This woman that he knew nothing about, this woman that sometimes didn’t fully manage to clean the smell of blood out of her clothes, this woman with reflexes that were maybe just a little bit too fast.
The same woman that loved and protected his daughter, their daughter with everything she had. The woman that stitched his arm ever so carefully and made his tea the way he liked it best. The woman that never actually asked the questions she wanted to ask.
Loid Forger knew from the moment he first met her. There couldn’t possibly be someone else.
Agent Twilight or Loid Forger. Not much of a choice but even if he wanted to choose one, he would lose the other. He could never have both.
Agent Twilight would put Loid Forger’s family in danger.
Loid Forger would destroy all the progress that Agent Twilight had made towards world peace.
He couldn’t be both and choosing just one…
The choice is obvious. His family over world peace? How laughable, even thinking about it is outrageous. His duty once he became an agent was to sacrifice himself for the sake of the greater good. There was no point even entertaining a different idea. He had already made his choice ages ago.
However, as Twilight buried his face in Yor’s soft sweater, he softly breathed in the scent of detergent mixed with something so distinctively Yor. Her fingers slowly combed through his hair with her blood-red nails gently scratching his scalp, in that moment the only thing that passed through his mind was… did anything other than this really matter?
Twilight didn’t remember falling asleep. Just a few months ago he would have found the thought of sleeping next to a stranger terrifying, but not anymore. Yor wasn’t a stranger.
Opening his eyes, he watched as a ray of sunshine sneaked through the window blinds basking the room in a soft golden light.
At the foot of the bed, awake but still lazy after a night’s sleep was Bond, and he wagged his tail slightly after Loid looked his way. At first he was confused, did Anya wake up? Where was she and how come she didn’t wake them demanding breakfast?
Yor shifted in his arms and Twilight looked down, surprised to see Anya wedged between them with a content look on her face as she slept soundly. Twilight smiled watching his family in peaceful slumber and he closed his eyes to enjoy it all for just a moment longer.
World peace?
How could any of that matter…
If only he could keep them both safe.