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“You are an idiot.”
Melissa stands in front of Sara’s desk. It is a mess of maps, scribbled plans, notes and messages. She also notices the Dr Zone comic left underneath a stack of papers, a half forgotten reminder of their old life.
The girl behind the desk does not look in the mood to read comics. Her arms are crossed, her face is flushed with annoyance and worry. Her hair is all over the place, a new bruise is forming on her arm. She is glaring at Melissa, waiting for a response.
Melissa scowls back. Forming on her own arm is a burn from a close call with a laser. There is a burning pain in her ribs that flares up even worse from movement. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” Sara snaps back. “What on earth were you thinking, trying to break in there by yourself?”
Melissa looks away, anger brewing in her stomach. “I was trying to save Milo.”
“You were trying to get yourself killed.” Sara says. “You were never going to get there by yourself, you know that! You’re smart, stop acting so stupid!”
“At least I’m trying.” Melissa argues, clenching her fists. “At least I’m trying, instead of burying my head in the sand like you.”
“I’m being cautious. We can’t rescue Milo if we’re dead or captured.” Sara says. “And I’m responsible for everyone else too, I can’t-“
“You’re responsible for Milo, he’s your brother!” Melissa exclaims angrily. “You know what you are, Sara? You’re a coward. You know if you were the one who got kidnapped Milo would risk anything to save you.”
Sara clenches her fists. “If I are kidnapped, Milo would risk anything to save me. But not your life, or anyone else’s life. Melissa, I’m the leader, I can’t-“
“You can’t what?”
“I can’t be reckless like you!” Sara snaps.
“I’m reckless?!” Melissa takes a step closer to the desk. It hurts. She ignores that.
“Yes, you are! You risked your life throwing yourself into a rescue mission that was never going to work! Again! Melissa, how do you think Milo will feel if you die trying to save him?”
Silence. Melissa stares, shocked. Then she narrows her eyes. “Screw hypotheticals: how do you think he feels right now? He’s a prisoner of an evil maniac, he’s being used as a weapon, and you expect me to sit around and wait for a good opportunity?!” She turns around and storms out before she can say something she really will regret, slamming the door behind her. The door shakes with the force, and Amanda and Bradley immediately try to pretend that they weren’t listening in.
Sara slumps back in her chair and covers her face. She didn’t want to argue with Melissa, but she was just so frustrated. So scared. She can’t lose Melissa too, but the kid seems determined to throw her life away on poorly planned missions to rescue Milo. And she gets it, she wants to save Milo too! She would give her right arm to save him, she would do anything.
But getting herself killed, getting one of the kids under her care killed… that won’t do anything. That won’t help her to save Milo. She needs to plan, to be careful, to be sure.
That doesn’t stop the pit of guilt in her stomach. The shame that Melissa’s words give her.
———
Melissa storms right past Amanda and Bradley, down the corridor, and into the makeshift dorm. She throws herself down onto her bed, ignoring the pain that shoots through her as she jostles her many injuries.
She can’t even console herself with the idea that she got close. She didn’t get close. She got seriously injured, risked her friends lives as they had to come and rescue her, and she didn’t even get close to rescuing Milo. Her best friend is still a prisoner, still going through who knows what, and she failed yet again to rescue him.
Tears start to bubble up and she tries her best to shove them down. Grief snatches at her, grasping her heart and squeezing. She buries her face in her pillow.
“Melissa?”
God is she not in the mood for another lecture. “You can tell me how reckless and irresponsible I am tomorrow, Amanda, I’m not in the mood.” She grumbles, aware that her voice is choked with tears and too upset to care.
“I’m not going to lecture you, it sounds like Sara already did that.” Amanda says, jokey but also gentle. “I came to make sure that you’re alright.”
“I’m fine. Some bruises, some burns, but I’m ok.” Melissa’s voice is muffled by the pillow, but she isn’t planning on moving to let Amanda see her red eyes. She hears footsteps as the girl walks closer, then a creak when she sits down on the bed.
“I didn’t mean like that.” Amanda says. “I mean, emotionally.”
“Emotionally?” Melissa chuckles dryly. “Terrible. I feel terrible. Milo’s still missing, I failed to rescue him again, and I think Sara’s one more incident away from chaining me to the radiator so I can’t try again.”
“It would solve a lot of problems.” Amanda chuckles, then turns serious. “But you know it’s not your fault, right? Milo is a prisoner in one of the most heavily guarded buildings in the Tri-State Area, you can’t be expected to rescue him all by yourself.”
“No one expects me to, but I still have to. He’s my best friend, I can’t just leave him to be mistreated or tortured and used as a weapon.” Melissa says, her voice even more choked by emotion. Imagining what Milo must have been going through makes her want to cry, scream, hit something. Imagining him going through it alone, wondering why she hasn’t rescued him, makes her feel even worse.
A warm hand touches her shoulder. “We will get him back, Melissa. I don’t want to leave him there either, you know that. But Sara is right- throwing yourself at the problem over and over won’t fix it, it will just break you. And we need you whole and alright. Milo needs that too.”
Melissa sits up and winces at the pain that shoots through her when she does that, wiping her face. Amanda is smiling encouragingly at her. “Is ‘deal with Melissa’s biweekly freak out’ in that schedule of yours?” She asks teasingly, gratefully accepting a tissue to wipe the snot off.
“Right in between ‘deal with Bradley’s biweekly freak out’ and ‘deal with Sara’s biweekly freak out’.” Amanda says, equally teasingly. “And I’m scheduling you in for some rest, because I can see the way you’re wincing. You’ve done something to your ribs.”
“Guilty.” Melissa concedes. “Ok, I’ll rest. You should probably get back to your job.”
“Captain.” Amanda salutes. They often joke about Melissa being in charge due to her closeness with Sara, although in actuality Amanda’s organisation, eye for detail, and natural ability to take charge means that she is much more involved in the day to day running of their scrappy little cell of the resistance than Melissa is. Melissa laughs at the joke, then immediately regrets it when pain shoots through her chest again.
“Lie still, Melissa.” Amanda instructs, in boss mode again. “We can’t have our best fighter out of commission for too long.”
She leaves, and Melissa is alone. She checks her chest to find that there are indeed nasty bruises blossoming on her ribs, and the area is beginning to swell. Groaning at the pain, she moves herself around and lies down on the bed. Stares up at the ceiling.
Amanda, Sara, even Bradley… they just want to help. They just care about her, just want to keep her alive. She knows that. She shouldn’t be angry, even if she finds that she and Sara are getting on each other’s nerves much more often recently.
But she cares about Milo just as much, so she can’t stop. She can never stop. She has to keep throwing herself at the problem until either she breaks or it does. She’s desperate, desperate to save him, desperate to fix this. And that calls for desperate measures.