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Dan has been taking Phil's clothing for as long as he can remember. He doesn't know when it became a sort of subconscious occurrence, but it did start back in 2009, far before he had even met Phil in person.
Dan remembers feeling nearly starry eyed the first time Phil 'noticed' him on Twitter. He had been commenting on Phil's ingenious, creative videos for ages as well as replying to nearly every tweet Phil put out. Lying under the want to be recognized by a sort of celebrity, Dan genuinely just wanted to thank Phil for being the source of his happiness. Phil was like the sunshine after a long, long period of rain to him. To Dan, Phil's weekly videos were one of the only things still keeping Dan afloat after being buried under the constant wave of school and social anxiety, not to mention his occasional existential crisis. Somehow, Phil made Dan forget about all of that.
And really, that was probably why on a rainy day in 2015, Phil opened Dan's wardrobe to find piles and piles of his missing clothing, from a graphic tee he lost in 2009 to the socks Phil bought last week and had assumed he had lost somewhere in the wash.
It officially started during their very first Skype 'date'.
Phil had cutely direct messaged Dan on Twitter with an open offer to Skype, attaching his handle to the message with a couple of emoticons at the end of it. Dan nearly choked on his afternoon tea at the sight of it, then immediately shot off an "ofcourse! i'll add you now :D:D:D", hoping the three emoticons weren't overkill and wouldn't drive Phil off completely.
They chatted about seemingly inane things like their mutual hype over their favorite band, Muse, to YouTube in general, winding down to the weather in their respective towns. It was cold in Wokingham, and Dan said so. Phil had grinned, his tongue peeking out ever so slightly.
“I have a really warm sweater that you might like! I should send it over someday,” he had said nonchalantly, making Dan tense up and blush, his hands fidgeting out of sight of his webcam. “It’s my ‘feeling poorly’ sweater though, I hope that doesn’t scare you off.”
Dan had shut down that idea immediately and they exchanged addresses. Two hours later, at nearly three in the morning, Phil ended the call with a “expect that sweater soon!”.
A week and a half later, Dan received a package in the mail. He knew exactly what it was, but he didn’t expect the packs of Malteasers (which for two weeks after, fixed his snacking habits) and little stuffed lion (that fixed his occasional need for a cuddle) that topped off the box. Under it, of course, was a bright green hoodie that Dan immediately pulled over his head. He could tilt his head to the side and breathe in what Phil smelled like, something he could previously only dream of. Phil smelled heavenly, and Dan wore the sweater for a week straight, until Phil’s scent was only a distant, wonderful memory.
Naturally, the night Dan decided that all traces of Phil’s scent were gone from the sweater, he called him on Skype, whining that although he was warm now, it wasn’t enough. Phil agreed with a grin, jokingly offering to send over more sweaters and hoodies, and asking if Dan liked the lion. Hadn’t Dan mentioned once that his favorite snack food was Malteasers? Hadn’t Dan said once that he was partial to green (sneaking in a compliment for Phil’s blue-green eyes)?
The questions made Dan feel the warm, happy feeling that Phil usually gave to him, but what Phil didn’t understand, what Dan didn’t even understand himself at the time, was that Dan didn’t really want Phil’s clothing. He wanted Phil.
October 19th, 2009 was the greatest day of Dan’s small, meaningless existence. The two weeks leading up to their first meeting had been intense joking about ‘getting fit’ for each other as well as general hype to finally meet.
Phil was all over him as soon as he had caught sight of Dan, pawing at him and grinning at him like Dan was his sunshine, almost acting the way that Dan felt towards Phil inside.
They took countless selfies under the pretense of updating their respective Dailybooths, walking all over Manchester, giggling and nudging at each other the whole time, exhibiting a mutual refusal to wander too far from one another. Throughout the night, Dan didn’t dare reach out for Phil’s hand, but on the train back to Phil’s house at the end of the night, he took a tiny opportunity to kiss the side of Phil’s cheek when he slumped over onto Dan’s chest under the supposed ruse of sleep.
Being with Phil felt like his life was getting a little bit better, like simply having his sunshine next to him in a bed as they cuddled each other before sleeping had already brightened up his life permanently. It was kind of ridiculous, the way he could physically feel his heart twist at the sight of Phil smiling up at him. He never wanted to leave.
Which is why two days later, in the late afternoon of the 21st, when Dan spotted the green sweater lying on a nearby office chair, he grabbed it along with a graphic tee he knew Phil wouldn’t miss without a second thought and shoved them into his overnight bag. When Phil came back into the room, smiling a little sadly at the thought of Dan having to leave, Dan pouted back at him and opened his arms for Phil to step into.
Phil took a bus with Dan to the train station. Their hands were right next to each other’s on the seat between them, making Dan tense up ever so slightly until Phil casually moved his pinky over Dan’s, linking them together. He managed a quick glance at Phil’s face, and they smirked at each other briefly before settling back into their respective seats, pinky fingers linked, until they reached the station.
Phil’s goodbye present was yet another pack of Malteasers, a tight hug, and a soft “See you soon, Bear.”
Years later, Phil’s going on holiday when Kalel and Anthony invite them both out to catch up and get some food before seeing Felix and Marzia down in Brighton. He messages Kalel back apologetically but says that Dan is free on the following Sunday and could take them to an amazing vegan outlet restaurant in London if they wanted.
Naturally, Kalel and Anthony accept, and Phil resumes packing for his trip. He spends a good amount of time looking for a t-shirt with tiny origami paper airplanes all over it, a shirt Dan very well knows is hidden in his own wardrobe, and gives up a half hour later with a pout and a sigh. The next day, as soon as Phil leaves after a quick hug and accompanying kiss to Dan's cheek, Dan allows himself a moment to let his heart twist before pulling Phil's shirt out of his wardrobe and putting it on.
On Sunday, Dan's wearing an appropriate amount of black clothing for the weather he expects in Brighton, save for a white shirt he throws on for contrast purposes under his leather jacket. Save for that, the rest is black – black pants, black shoes, black socks, even his boxer briefs are black in an attempt to keep his aesthetic alive.
He meets Kalel and Anthony and they go to the vegan restaurant together. He's completely out of his element if he's completely honest, so he ends up ordering some sort of pickle platter that he doesn't completely trust. Kalel's vlogging the entire time, but after she finally puts her camera down to eat, they have a conversation about the plane ride, their vegan lifestyles, and even Kalel and Anthony's relationship at one point. The conversation's a little stilted at times, but Dan tries his best to keep it going, his social anxiety kicking in slightly but with his need to please overpowering it. He can't help but think that if Phil were there to fill the tiny pauses with his adorable random animal facts or maybe even a comment that he'd like to pickle one of the pickles on Dan's platter, he wouldn't be so nervous. His side itches with the need to have Phil next to him.
At the end of their meal, Dan decides he's going to show them around London a bit, so they waste a few hours until they decide it's time to go see Felix and Marzia, catching the next train to their city. While on the train, Dan decides to cuff his jeans in order to keep the hems from uncomfortably jabbing into his sneakers.
Dan has never met Felix or Marzia, but he had watched Felix's videos way back when he was playing horror games every other day. He experiences a tiny bit of how he felt the first time Phil replied to him on Twitter, that star struck feeling he got back when he was eighteen. However it wears off immediately – unlike his daily life with Phil, where he simply radiates love and affection for the other man, that feeling of awe having never really worn off, even though it's been nearly four years – when Felix's two dogs attack him happily, slobbering everywhere and panting at Dan. Felix grins up at Dan from the floor, where he's trying to restrain one of the pugs – Edgar? – from attacking Dan's shoelaces.
"I think they like your socks." Felix comments with a smirk on his face. Dan laughs awkwardly, chancing a look down at his feet. Were pugs attracted to black?
Instead of finding the expected black strip of his socks between his black sneakers and cuffed black jeans, he sees a matched pair of Phil's on his feet. His eyes widen as he takes in the bright shock of what is obviously his flatmate's socks, a pair of blue socks with clouds on them that he vaguely remembers taking out of the wash years ago and never sorting into Phil's pile of clean clothing.
He laughs nervously again, stuttering out a boring excuse like "I never wear colorful socks, glad I did today!", to which Anthony calls him the 'King of Emo' with a grin.
He's off the hook, and they end the night with an electric shock challenge and an outing to a nearby park.
He gets back to their flat from his night out at nearly one am. He's a little jittery, his hands trembling a little as he unlocks the front door, but by the time he's inside, safe inside, he's calm again. He tosses his keys onto the familiar kitchen counter, kicks his shoes off, and stands in the middle of the room, uncertain. His hands go to rest at his sides and all he wants to find Phil, touch Phil, hug Phil, cuddle Phil, but Phil's on holiday and Dan is alone in their flat.
He finally moves forward, the floorboards creaking slightly under his feet (still clad in the stolen socks), shrugging off his leather jacket as he moves slowly to Phil's room. He tosses his jacket onto a nearby chair before he stops to make a quick decision and takes off his white t-shirt as well, setting it down softly on top of his jacket.
Dan feels the goosebumps raise instantaneously on his skin as the low temperature in their flat catches up with him, but he just continues to make his way into Phil's room, all the way to the corner where he knows Phil's clothing is kept folded away in drawers. He slides open one of the drawers and finds the green 'feeling poorly' sweater from so long ago (sneakily returned to the drawer countless times over the years) and grabs it immediately, then finds a discarded burgundy Gengar shirt on the floor and picks it up as well, shaking it out slightly before sliding it over his head. Phil's scent washes over him and he smiles genuinely, tilting his head to the side to sniff at his shoulder.
The green sweater goes on next, and Dan doesn't even think twice before he crawls into Phil's bed, pulling up the familiar Ikea blue-and-green checkered comforter over himself and cuddling into the bed, something he refused to think too much about but had done countless times before.
It's then, as he lays in his best friend's bed, wearing three articles of his clothing, that he realizes that his desire to have his best friend with him always might not be completely platonic.
That maybe the fact that he has a wardrobe full of clothing that Phil had 'lost' ages ago was a sign that something else was going on.
Dan falls asleep to the thought of kissing his best friend softly and sweetly with a hand tangled in the hem of his shirt.
It was actually kind of absurd to realize the amount of times that Dan had taken Phil’s clothing from him.
From button downs to polo shirts, from graphic tees to socks, even underwear at a cheeky moment in 2010, Dan had thoroughly convinced Phil that he was the most forgetful person on the planet.
Phil’s Sunnydale High t-shirt was worn for three nights straight to bed, then returned sneakily (albeit reluctantly) when Phil pouted for three days straight over misplacing it. Phil’s green checkered flannel shirt was stolen by Dan right under Phil’s nose, worn under a drawstring hoodie in a video they did together. Dan only liked seeing that shirt in his wardrobe because it reminded him of Phil’s eyes.
He took Phil’s Charmander and Pikachu & Ash t-shirts under the pretense of wearing them for a video and never gave them back, as they ended up in his wardrobe as well. A bright orange graphic tee worn in his How To Make British Pancakes video was actually Phil’s, and Dan had taken it so long ago that he was kind of embarrassed to even attempt to incorporate it back into Phil’s drawers. Even two polo shirts, burgundy and blue, were stolen back in Dan’s university days as they were a constant in Phil’s wardrobe and he needed to take a piece of Phil with him after visits to his flat. Dan had convinced himself that the dreary atmosphere of his university dorm was unbearable without some trace of the other man.
Phil’s strange Ed Hardy-esque graphic tee, a weird design of a studded heart with a dagger through it, was borrowed by Dan for his Truth or Dare video. He had whined at Phil for five minutes, saying he didn’t want to get his own shirt ruined by Coke (obviously for the Coke-under-his-shirt dare), and Phil had finally given in, throwing the shirt to Dan with an adorable pout. After Dan completed the dare, ruined the shirt, and nuzzled a devastated Phil until he smiled again, he washed the shirt as best as he could and added it to his growing collection.
Dan never blinked twice at the fact that he was basically hoarding stolen items of clothing, all hidden away mere feet from the man he’d stolen it all from. Stealing Phil’s clothing was one of the only constants in Dan’s life for nearly six years, even when in 2012 Dan visibly pulled away from Phil due to his growing audience. He had wanted to protect their friendship from the trolls and haters that would hate on them just because sometimes Dan’s gaze lingered for too long on Phil, or because Dan spoke too softly in regard to him.
As his collection of Phil clothes grew, Dan became more obvious about how much he truly loved his best friend. The worries that Dan had in 2012 melted away and he became more open about the fact that Phil was really his, not that they were dating or anything — not that Dan loved Phil like that,— did he? — but that nothing could tear them apart. They were inseparable, and they became Dan and Phil.
When Dan and Phil really blew up on the internet, it was mainly because of BBC Radio 1. They had moved to London just for the show, hoping together that it would work out, and when it did, they were more popular than ever before.
Now they weren’t just two losers on the internet making videos about their weird lives, they were two losers with actual hosting jobs for the BBC. It was a whirlwind of greatness. They were interviewing famous people, like Fall Out Boy and One Direction, their fanbases were huge, both separately and together, and they were closer than ever before.
Phil would still go on holiday occasionally, even once during a radio show, but Dan had finally learned how to cope with it. With the newfound fame came the chance to be with Phil all the time, whether it was at work or at a red carpet event or at home, because they were together. Working together.
When Phil went on holiday now, Dan left the flat wearing some item of Phil’s clothing. He did it at red carpet events, using Phil’s graphic tees as the undershirts to his white button downs under his tuxedo. He found that wearing the clothing helped him become less jittery in front of the media, helped him care less about the countless cameras and lights in front of him, helped him cope with the fact that he couldn’t just reach out and grab Phil’s hand if he was truly scared.
Dan sometimes sits in his room while Phil is filming a video and remembers how he felt at the very first YouTube gathering he went to, back on Halloween when he was eighteen and confused about everything, meeting up with his internet friend, his Phil, to meet new people. When Dan got nervous and his hands started to tremble a little bit, all he had to do was chance a glance at Phil, and the older man would wrap a hand around his shaking one with a bright smile. And that smile would cut through all the fear.
So maybe Dan was in love with Phil. Just a little bit.
Phil’s back from one of his many holidays and Dan’s sitting in the lounge with him, already in the browsing position, his fringe the only thing visible of him from behind his laptop screen. It’s raining outside, and Dan could honestly care less, because he’s with Phil.
It’s been about two months since Dan realized that he’s been in love with his best friend for nearly six years, and his heart continues to beat faster whenever he catches a glance of jet-black hair or the smooth frame of a pair of glasses. Dan’s been spending his days opening and closing his wardrobe fifteen times a day, blushing at the mere sight of what’s inside and shuffling out of the room immediately.
Phil, reliably, is none the wiser. Just as he has been for the past six years.
Sometimes Dan wonders if Phil really believes that he’s just extremely forgetful or prone to losing clothing a lot, because Dan’s gotten away with a lot. He’s even taken Phil’s Red Nose Day shirt, for fuck’s sake — a shirt that he literally has a copy of and uses.
Every other day for the past two months of knowing that he’s in love with Phil has Dan briefly motivated to just tell him, to just fucking tell Phil that he’s the light of his entire life. He’s the one that can make Dan smile every single day without fail, something eighteen year old pre-Phil Dan would’ve never dreamed could happen. Phil’s the one that can calm him down with a soft glance or brush of his hand, the one that can make his heart twist whenever he walks out the front door, the one that he’s been stealing clothing from in an attempt to keep Phil with him whenever he leaves. And Phil’s the one that leaves, making Dan want to sleep in his clothes, in his bed, but Phil’s the one that always comes back.
And maybe Phil feels the same way. Maybe Phil loves Dan just as much as he loves him, and maybe Phil falls asleep sometimes with his lips nearly tingling at the mere fantasy of being able to kiss Dan, just how Dan does nearly every night. Maybe Phil itches to hold Dan’s hand under the pretense of being his, maybe Phil wants to hold Dan in his arms and never let go just like Dan does.
Dan shifts from his browsing position.
He makes a decision.
“Hey, Phil?”
Phil’s head bobs up and he looks over at Dan’s slumped figure with a bright smile. “Yeah?”
Dan refuses to move a muscle. “D’you think you can get me something from my room? I’m in my browsing position.”
Phil giggles happily, already setting his laptop down beside him and getting himself up off the couch. “Sure, what is it?”
“My sweater, ’s a bit cold in here,” he replies gently. “It’s in my wardrobe.” Phil nods and begins walking in the direction of Dan’s room. His fingers touch the doorknob and Dan quickly pushes his laptop off of him and quietly follows Phil into his room.
He stands in the doorway as Phil innocently goes to the corner of his room and opens the wardrobe. Immediately, the green sweater falls out. Phil bends over to pick it up, shakes it out, and looks at it for a solid second before shouting, “Dan! Is it the green —”. His voice breaks off, realizing exactly which sweater he’s holding, his gaze settling on the contents of Dan’s wardrobe. He raises a curious eyebrow as he hesitantly reaches inside, then pulls out the ugly orange t-shirt from four years ago. His brow furrows as he looks back up into the wardrobe, reaches out again, and pulls out two of his old flannel shirts from 2009. Phil’s gaze travels to the doorway where Dan is standing, and he coughs out a nervous laugh. “Dan?” he questions quietly, gesturing at the piles and piles of clothing Dan’s taken from him over the years.
Dan smiles hesitantly, stepping a little further into his room. He watches as Phil incredulously pulls out six years’ worth of clothing, watches as his weird little habit slowly unravels in front of his eyes. And suddenly, Phil’s pulling out socks wrapped in his Red Nose Day t-shirt, and he’s laughing. He’s laughing like how he was laughing during the filming of their very first Phil Is Not On Fire, and then Dan’s next to Phil, carefully taking the dozens of socks from his hands and dropping them onto the floor.
He takes Phil’s hand, intertwines their fingers, and Phil’s laughing is reduced to a grin. He steps closer to Phil, so close that their socked feet bump against each other a little bit, and Phil’s grin is reduced to a soft, reluctant smile. He looks into Phil’s lovely blue-green eyes, smiles a little, and he leans in.
They’re kissing, and Dan’s body is on fire. Every inch of his skin is burning hot, his lips are tingling, and his hands are itching to touch Phil everywhere. Phil’s kissing back. Phil’s kissing back.
Dan’s brain doesn’t register the severity of the situation, doesn’t realize that Phil’s showing Dan that he feels the same way, he just pulls Phil in closer, and they’re kissing more, deep and slow, and it’s everything that Dan’s ever wanted since he was eighteen years old.
Minutes later, hours later, they don’t know, they pull back ever so slightly from each other. Dan lands a kiss on the tip of Phil’s nose. Phil grins again and Dan’s heart is beating so fast he thinks it’s going to beat right out of his ribcage.
Dan realizes that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t have to steal Phil’s clothes just to keep Phil.
They kiss again, again, once more, and each new kiss is ten times better than the last.
As a consequence of Dan letting Phil see his darkest secret, they both start to wear the hoarded clothing. Dan’s in Phil’s Gengar shirt, and Phil’s in his Sunnydale High shirt. Yesterday they ironically wore the red and blue polo shirts from 2009, and the day before they matched with the Charmander and Pikachu & Ash shirts. They share the socks, and they mismatch together.
Dan’s constantly glowing, and whenever his fingers itch to touch Phil, Phil’s there letting him. Dan’s touching Phil all the time now, and his new favorite thing is to mess up Phil’s hair, which runs silky between his fingers but is consistently messed up after a make out session.
Everything’s new to them but so familiar, like when they go on a Starbucks run and hold hands on top of the table, it’s something they’ve definitely done before — but it’s different now. It means more, because now Phil knows that Dan’s a creep that has withdrawal issues.
But Phil understood, like Phil understands everything Dan does, especially when Dan explains why he did it in the first place. He didn’t really want Phil’s clothing, he wanted Phil.
Dan finds that another consequence of his Phil knowing that he’s in love with him is that Phil goes on holiday more often.
This time around, however, he’s taking Dan with him.