Work Text:
Once, just once, Jean-Luc would have liked to have a normal mission on the Enterprise. He didn’t know why it seemed that every anomaly, issue, or strange alien encounter happened with his ship, and he was certainly complaining. Sometimes, he wished that his life was just a little bit more boring.
But, he thought with a sigh, he did sign up for this.
“What is it, Mr La Forge?” Jean-Luc asked, trying not to seem as annoyed as he felt. “Why the sudden course change?”
“Well, that’s just it, sir,” Geordi replied. “There’s a planet here that doesn’t appear on any of our charts, and it’s directly in our way. I’ve adjusted our course to go around it, but it’ll put us out an hour or two.”
Jean-Luc felt Will’s gaze land on him from where he was seated to his right. “Our maintenance check at Starbase 10 isn’t urgent, is it?” questioned his first officer. “Mystery planets don’t just show up every day, Captain.”
“You’re right, Number One,” Jean-Luc said, turning to look at Will. “Mr La Forge, set course to rendez-vous with the mystery planet. Let’s see if there’s anything odd about it.” Because he had a sneaking suspicion that there was something odd about it. Planets didn’t just get overlooked or left out of the databases.
It was less than an hour later, just as Jean-Luc gave the order to engage standard orbit with the planet—which looked an awful lot like Earth, now that he saw it up close—that Data spoke up, with a confusing statement. “Captain,” he said. “We are receiving a written transmission from the planet’s surface.”
“Mr Data, I thought you just reported that there were no life signs?” Jean-Luc questioned. “How can we be hailed by a planet that has nothing on it?”
“Perhaps it is a pre-recorded message, sir,” Data suggested, “from a civilization that no longer exists.”
A reasonable conclusion, Jean-Luc thought. “What does it say, Data?” he asked.
“It is strange, sir. It appears to be written in the extinct Earth language of ‘French’, and it roughly translates to, ‘bring your most trusted advisors. I have something important to say, captain’,” Data explained.
And Jean-Luc realised he knew exactly where this mystery planet had come from.
“Send a response,” Jean-Luc ordered. “Confirm that we have received the transmission and that I will be beaming down shortly.” Dammit, Q, he then thought. What on Earth are you up to? He’d become quite used to Q’s antics—he’d been dating the ‘man’ for the better part of three years, after all—but this was nothing he’d ever seen from Q before. An entire planet? Why?
“Captain?” Will asked, shaking Jean-Luc out of his stupor. “Are you really planning to go down there? I’d be happy to lead the away team, I don’t think—”
Jean-Luc stood up. “Yes, I’m going,” he said. “And I’m bringing you, Counsellor Troi, Commander Data, and Dr Crusher. Minimal security, if any. We won’t need it—or if we do, it’ll be pointless anyway. Lieutenant La Forge will have the bridge. ”
“May I speak, Captain?” requested Data, turning around in his chair to look at Jean-Luc.
“Of course, Data.”
“It seems that you have come to a conclusion about this situation,” Data identified. “I am curious. What do you think is happening?”
Jean-Luc pressed his lips together, then simply answered, “Q.”
The energy on the bridge shifted. “No security, then,” said Will. “Like you said, it’ll just be pointless against a being like him. And if you don’t show up yourself…”
“He will be very annoyed.” Once again, he cursed his omnipotent partner, wondering what he thought he was doing. “Well, no time to lose. Q hates waiting.”
The aforementioned crewmen gathered with Jean-Luc in the transporter room, all openly hypothesising about what could be awaiting them on the planet’s surface. Jean-Luc stayed quiet; his relationship with Q had been hidden for so long, and he wanted it to stay that way. He hoped this was just another one of Q’s silly games, taking out his boredom on his favourite mortal and his crew. At least he knew it wouldn’t be deadly.
As soon as his atoms had re-formed, Jean-Luc was pounced on by a familiar face, dressed in a red Starfleet uniform.
“Mon capitaine!” cried Q, grabbing his sleeve and tugging him forward. “You came! So glad you could make it, truly—how do you like it? The planet, I mean. I know how much you care for ancient Earth culture, so I recreated one of my favourites.”
With a start, Jean-Luc realised he was standing in the centre of a perfect replica of twentieth-century France, complete with the Eiffel Tower towering over them.
“Enough with the games, Q,” Will cut in. “What’s this all about?”
“Oh, shush, Riker, I asked Jean-Luc a question,” replied Q, waving him off. “Well?”
“It’s… certainly very interesting, Q.” Jean-Luc gently attempted to twist his arm out of Q’s grip, but he didn’t let go. “But Commander Riker is right. What’s going on? Why did you make an entire planet?”
Q grinned a grin that Jean-Luc knew all too well. “I’ve been doing some research!” he declared. “And I found out that it’s customary to make a nice gesture with these sorts of things and, well, as you humans say, go big or go home, n’est-ce pas, mon capitaine?”
“What…” Jean-Luc was slowly forming another conclusion and he both hoped he was wrong and wished that he was right, “...sorts of things, exactly, Q?”
Q rolled his eyes, then snapped his fingers. In the blink of an eye, Jean-Luc and his companions were standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower, and Q’s outfit had changed into a deep red suit. “Now this is much better,” Q said. “Please, make yourselves at home! I’m glad you left the Klingon on your ship, Jean-Luc, he would have totally ruined the atmosphere. And Data, how lovely to see you again.”
“Oh, get on with it, Q!” Jean-Luc snapped. Their eyes met, and Q smirked. “I’m a busy man, you can’t just go diverting the Enterprise whenever you feel like toying with me—us.”
“Who said anything about toying, mon capitaine?” Q replied. “I am perfectly serious.” He huffed a sigh. “But since you seem in such a hurry…” And to Jean-Luc’s thorough surprise, he got down on one knee.
“Q…” Jean-Luc hissed, in a warning tone. “There are other people here.”
“I know, I know—but you won’t deny me an audience for this one thing, will you, Jean-Luc? I can wipe their memories afterwards if you’d like.” Q pouted. “At least let me say it.”
Jean-Luc took a deep breath. They couldn’t keep their relationship a secret forever. That was what Q really meant, and he had a point. “Fine,” replied Jean-Luc, trying to ignore the awkward and confused look everyone was giving him.
A glimmering gold ring appeared in Q’s hand. “Jean-Luc Picard,” he said, in an unnecessarily dramatic tone. “Will you marry me?”
And a few things happened in quick succession.
Beverly gasped—quite loudly, in fact—and looked comically shocked. Deanna, who was standing next to her, blinked rapidly in surprise before turning to smile widely at Jean-Luc. Will’s jaw dropped open and he gaped openly at Q. And Data commented, “Commander, I believe it is considered rude to stare,” and Will slammed his mouth shut into a firm, almost angry expression.
Jean-Luc let his crewmates have their moments of shock and awe, and then he cleared his throat. “Yes, Q,” he replied. “I will marry you.”
With a snap, the ring vanished and reappeared on Jean-Luc’s finger, and just to put the cherry on top, Will managed a strangled, “What?!”
Jean-Luc turned to look at him with a pointed stare. “Data is right, Number One,” he said sternly. “You are being rather rude.”
“But—Q?!” Will exclaimed, gesturing at the being in question. “You fight with him for so long and then he asks you to marry him and you just say yes?”
“Frankly, I’m stunned too,” Beverly put in. “What the—what have you—it’s just—respectfully, Jean-Luc, I can’t believe it! This is ridiculous!”
Jean-Luc raised his eyebrows and looked at Deanna. “Do you have an objection too, Counsellor?” he asked.
Deanna shook her head. “None whatsoever,” she said with a smile. “You are very happy with Q. I’m glad my suspicions were correct.”
“And Mr Data—”
“I have never witnessed a human marriage proposal before, Captain,” Data said dutifully. “I find this experience enlightening. I do not understand love, but I believe Q to be sincere, and I am, as a human might say, ‘happy for you’.”
“Thank you, Data,” Jean-Luc replied. “And you, too, Counsellor.”
Beverly fixed him with a glare. “So… you’re just going to marry Q? Just like that?”
Jean-Luc opened his mouth to answer, but Q cut in first. “Well, if you call three years of dating ‘just like that’...” he purred, slinging his arm around Jean-Luc’s shoulders. “Really, Doctor, do you think I could convince Jean-Luc to do anything he didn’t want to do?”
“Please believe me, Beverly,” Jean-Luc added. “I know it may seem… unconventional, but I do”—and it was so difficult to say this, now, in front of his closest friends, even though he’d said it so many times in private—“love Q. Deeply.”
Beverly continued to stare at him in disbelief.
“Perhaps we should skip the engagement party, Jean-Luc,” Q suggested. “Or at least uninvite those two. The android and the Betazoid can stay, I like them.”
“Skip the party, Q,” Jean-Luc said. “I’d like to return to my ship and… do damage control, now, I suppose.” He sighed. “Though I wouldn’t be opposed to having dinner with you tonight. To… celebrate.”
Q positively squeaked with delight, and affection rose in Jean-Luc’s chest. “I’ll bring your favourite wine,” Q promised. “And flowers, and everything—”
“Not too many flowers, Q,” Jean-Luc warned.
“Every flower,” Q countered. “Hundreds of them. Thousands, even! I could make new species of flowers just to commemorate this occasion!”
“You,” Jean-Luc said, “are ridiculous.” And to hell with it, he thought, and he caught Q by the collar and drew him in for a long, deep kiss.
Data’s voice cut through the silence, as Jean-Luc and Q continued to embrace, only briefly breaking apart to let Jean-Luc breathe. “I believe,” said Data, “that the captain and Q may desire privacy.”
Q severed the kiss and flicked his hand at them. “Oh, yes, shoo,” he said dismissively, and in a flash of white light, all four of them were gone. “Returned back to your ship, safe and sound,” he promised Jean-Luc. “Are you sure you won’t stay here longer? I did make all of this for you, mon capitaine.”
“I suppose I could spare a few more minutes,” Jean-Luc admitted reluctantly. “I cannot believe you made an entire planet just to propose.”
Q shrugged. “It’s nothing to a Q,” he said. “But I would like to show it off. A walk, mon chéri?” He extended his arm for Jean-Luc to take.
“That sounds… nice.” Jean-Luc hooked his arm through Q’s and pulled himself closer. “Dazzle me, my dear.”
Q grinned, and snapped his fingers.