Chapter Text
The sirens have stopped blaring, though the party has not yet died down. In the corridors of the rebel base on Yavin IV, Cassian can hear all kinds of chanting, some of them coming out from the canteen. Part of him would like to be there, celebrating with the others the success of the mission -they do destroy the Death Star- but it's hard to do so without the memory of those who are no longer there running through him. If he hadn't convinced them to follow Jyn to Scarif they would still be with them. But, then again, if they hadn't gone, Yavin IV and half the galaxy would have met the same fate as Jedha or Alderaan. So, he wanders away from the party and searches the west wing for the newcomers' cabins. It is a somewhat ramshackle area because a crowd of people have been arriving lately. Many are refugees; others were simply horrified by the news from Alderaan. Now they know the same he always does: They will never be safe as long as the Empire exists.
There are many open doors in the west wing corridor, so the noises mingle, but Cassian knows he's arrived at the right spot when he hears K2SO's voice.
“It was not hatred, Jyn Erso, but strategy. The likelihood of you shooting Cassian was too high”.
“And it didn't occur to you that part of me would want to see Saw Guerrera? Or my father?”
“In my databases, revenge is listed as a greater motive than dealing with an uncomfortable past”.
Cassian hears how Jyn laughs in disbelief and Baze snorts. He walks over to the door and leans on the doorjamb after crossing his arms.
“Revenge? “Cassian asks, deliberately ignoring his companions.
They look at him from the circle they have made. Baze and Chirrut sit on a pair of chairs that look like the ones from the cantina, while Bodhi is next to Jyn, both on his bed. From the floor, K2SO looks about the same height as the others.
“Why would Jyn have wanted revenge on me?”
He could ask the same question without saying her name, but he does not want to avoid it. He likes its sound. Jyn. He likes that, unlike what has happened with the rest of his people, when he says her name, she's still there. He also likes how she looks at him when she hears her name. As if she is getting used to hearing it again, as if she has spent too much time pretending to be other people, and now, at last, she can be herself again.
“Because you abandoned her”.
Cassian raises his eyebrows, quizzical, and looks to Jyn for clarification, but Jyn is still smiling, laughing, unable to believe that is even possible.
“Do we slip up with your memory?”
“The only data I'm missing on you, Jyn Erso, is how you managed to get off Scarif. Our first meeting is stored in the Wecacoe file: Wecacoe hyphen twenty-four dot seven”.
Cassian frowns. Wecacoe? That was at least five years ago. It may be the mission where he reprogrammed K2SO. But he didn't know Jyn then, no... He looks at her and realizes she's also searching for her memories, so he waits. K2SO, on the other hand, keeps talking:
“Chandel, Unce Island, Sector 58”.
Jyn gets to her feet and Bodhi raises his arm, but it is too late. The storm has raged inside Jyn and dried up her laughter. The girl swings a leg over K2SO and stands in front of Cassian. He draws himself up as he wants to swallow, but he cannot move: something in Jyn's gaze brings him back to Eadu, and when she speaks, he realizes they are back on the same page.
“Orders, right? As a stormtrooper, you would be like no other”.
Then she turns and walks away, without giving him time to respond. The time Cassian needs to realize what happened and walk after her -dodging the people that are still dancing in the corridors- is enough time for Jyn to reach her door.
“Wait. Jyn, I didn't know...
“Neither did I" she chuckles. “But I do remember the two days before I went to Chandel and the two days after that when I woke up in Osil Prison. “She nudges the door open and takes a single step inside, blocking Cassian to follow her. "I remember the mission I was given on those days: save an important man for the Rebellion. I guess he was too important to care about anyone else”.
The door slides close and Jyn disappears behind a grey sheet. Cassian thinks of knocking and apologising, but lack of practice and the fact that he can't remember why he must do it dissuade him. Instead, he turns and walks toward the centre booth. He is not surprised when he meets the ever-busy General Draven checking on plans.
"Are you eager to get back to the front?
Cassian shakes his head. The days off work are doing him good, but he has a hard time sleeping. Today, he hasn't slept a wink for more than thirty hours, and he knows he can make any successful mission in that condition. But whenever he closes his eyes, he finds himself on Scarif beach, clinging to Jyn's body in a panic attack because of the light that is exploding on the horizon.
Jyn, who doesn't speak to him now.
“I need to check some files," Draven nods, "about our old allies.
The general nods again but he is no longer paying attention to him. Cassian knows the man is changing his strategies, since the destruction of the Death Star does not automatically finish the Empire, and Draven still doesn't know what Cassian's role will be from now on. Cassian himself is not sure about it either. Until Eadu everything seemed easy but challenging the Rebel Alliance for the Rebellion itself has been a turning point. That's why Jyn's words hurt him so much; because they are no longer true, but he must prove that to her.
He must find out what he did -and how he got there- on Chandel planet.