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Juwon was 10 and he had just run away from home. It wasn't awfully far really though, only just out of sight, obscure enough to be easily looked over, but easily found if you just looked long enough. There was a reed field, just on the outskirts of his street, clean, poised and professional, just like how everyone here pretended to be. Just like how his father pretended to be.
The reed stems were elegant, the field in itself seemingly endless to a small child. That was most likely how Juwon had become lost here. His mind immediately conjured up the worst scenarios; what if father forgot about him and left him here? Forgotten and erased, just like his mother. Written over in history like he never existed. His little legs gave out beneath him and he fell chest first into the wet mud, the stuffed bunny in his hands luckily avoiding the same fate. All of the front of his pyjamas were wet and clammy against his skin, the discomforting feeling along with his exhaustion and fear finally caused him to kick out his feet and wail loudly into the overcast night sky, where only the harvest mouse nearby were listening.
That was how the feeble 10-year-old boy would be found hours later, curled up on the ground and dirt caking his pyjamas, almost like he was becoming one with the earth. Tips of his fingers and nose were tinted red, both from his sobbing and the cold. Almost lost within the reed field, but ultimately found.
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Juwon was 27 and he was sure he was alone in the reed field with a murderer. It wasn't the same reed field he had gotten lost in as a child, yet it still seemed just as imposing, even if the reeds didn't tower over him anymore. Even more so now that its dark secrets had been uncovered too. Now all he could see was frail skeletons crawling from the dirt with fingertips missing, his team member's wails and panicked screams for his partner ringing in his ears.
And there was Dongsik. His wide manic grin, teeth bared and glinting in the shine of his flashlight. Almost like he knew something Juwon did not, and perhaps he did, but the unknown was still ever present in both of their lives. And in the end, this ended up being bigger for them than either could have imagined.
Skeletons moulding into the earth eventually turned into skeletons hiding within concrete walls. The man Juwon had been keeping track of for years, that he had been so keen on finally arresting, anything to make father look at him with pride for once, had been the same man he leaned on as he cried.
Cried as Han Ki-Hwan was led to the police car, camera flashes of the reporters illuminating the dingy office in which another life had been so close to being taken. Ki-Hwan's own skeletons had been dug up, exposed for the world to see. And Juwon cried, not for Han Ki-Hwan, but for Dongsik. The bitter feeling laced around his lungs, quietly gasping for breath as he knew deep down he might never see him again. He should have known better; Han Juwon and Lee Dongsik were like shovels of dirt filling the empty eye socket of a skull, they always seemed to find their way to each other.
It had felt so strongly like deja vu when he stumbled upon Dongsik in his own basement a year later, after his release from prison. He had once again felt lost and helpless inside the basement, as he shakily confiscated the gun from his ex-partner. Juwon had already lost so many people in his life, he'd be damned if he let Dongsik slip away too. In all his times visiting that room, it was the first time he had sat down on the sofa with him. And they sat in silence. And they cried. And they talked. Because what else could they do at that moment? Apart from slowly string each other together again, except this time maybe the strings wouldn't be so tangled.
It was the start of a tentative healing process.
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Juwon is 31 and he's confident that he is alone in this reed field with his partner. He doesn't have to be on guard anymore, brain not automatically wired to fear the unknown or the next threat looming around the corner, as lush green leaves and reeds obscure his vision on all sides. The blouse is light and flowy, fluttering in tandem with the breeze, white and dotted with Irises. It's all a stark contrast to the constricting black shirts he wore, slowly morphing to well-fitted browns the longer he stayed in Manyang.
He remembered when he bought the blouse, Juwon had been slowly trying to open up more and develop his relationships. Which led to Kwon Hyuk, his tutor and now someone he privately considered family, helping him buy out a new wardrobe. He glossed over the way his tutor looked at him when he came out the fitting room, he was probably just looking him up and down to assess if the blouse fit properly. It seemed so, as the next thing he knew, Hyuk had been shoving more blouses into his arms.
The arm wrapping around his shoulder broke Juwon out of his thoughts, and he glanced to his side to return his gaze to his partner, Dongsik. Not exactly work partners anymore, Dongsik had quit shortly before he went to jail, and Juwon had tried a few more years but he realised it was just too stressful for him. Without Han Ki-Hwan's judging stare always over his shoulder, Juwon was more free to think about what he actually wanted to do with his future.
Dongsik's smile wasn't as manic anymore, forced upon his face under every blow and tragedy life dealt to him. For the first time since his sister's fingertips turned up knocking at his door, his smile had become genuine, a lot more easygoing. He cut his hair slightly shorter, Juwon liked occupying his hands by running his fingers through it when he was thinking. The skin of his face still wrinkled and dipped and creased, but it shone with a natural glow not present before. Or maybe that was just how good he looked when the midday sunlight hit him.
But he could ponder about all-encompassing thoughts like his partner's beauty later, when they snacked on the summer berries in their basket, and Dongsik would strum his guitar again.
Never with the same vigour and playfulness as he used to, because truthfully neither of them could go back to how it used to be. Truthfully, neither will ever fully be at peace, not after everything. They can't rewrite over the old memories, but they can start making new ones.
Right here, in their reed field.