Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Twenty years ago…

For most of Maggie's classmates, Friday afternoons were a joy that couldn't come around quickly enough because it meant the end of the school week and the start of the weekend. 

They could do things with friends and family, go places and have fun, stay up later than normal and stay out later as well. They could leave their homework until the last minute, or forget to even do it at all, because they had all the time in the world - a whole two days in fact - to do it in.

But for Margarita "Maggie" Rodas, there really wasn't a lot to do outside of work or school in Blue Springs, Nebraska. Life was pretty crappy for the ten-year-old daughter of Detective Oscar Rodas and the huge chip he carried on his shoulder all day, every day. Whilst he might be fighting crime at work and proving that even a Latino man could rise through the ranks as well as any white man, earning awards and commendations (that were no doubt well deserved), at home he was a tyrant, for lack of a better word.

Always angry, always shouting, always belittling Mama and snapping at Maggie to be quiet or to get out of his sight so he could have some "goddamn peace" if she dared to try and show him something she'd done at school that day, Oscar Rodas was not an easy man to live with.

This was why Friday afternoons were Maggie's favorite for a whole other reason. 

When she and Mama got home after the weekly grocery shopping, Mama walked with her to the den and turned the TV on as Maggie slung her school bag on the comfy sofa.

"Enjoy your show, Chica," Mama said, giving Maggie's forehead an affectionate kiss. "Not too loud though. Papi has had a hard day at work so he'll be tired."

"Papi always has a hard day at work," Maggie grumbled quietly under her breath as she flopped onto the sofa and grabbed up the remote to find the right channel. 

Her mother said nothing, just closed the door to the den quietly behind her as she left.

The commercials meant that she hadn’t missed the start of the show, so that was something at least. Last week she’d missed the first five minutes and had had to wait until Monday to find out what had happened in those missed moments from Elisa.

Elisa claimed she didn’t watch Dawn Patrol because it was too ‘childish and stupid,’ yet she’d been able to perfectly recall everything from not just the first five minutes of the episode but the entire episode in general. Hmmm. Funny that.

Pulling her school bag over, Maggie rummaged about inside until she found the bottle of soda and candy bar Mama let her have as part of her usual Friday treat. Soda, candy and Dawn Patrol made this hour Maggie’s favorite of the whole week. The other hundred and sixty seven hours were only tolerable because of the promise of this one blessed, sacred hour when Maggie could lose herself in the show. She would no longer be a non-white kid in Blue Springs, Nebraska. She could be running along the beaches of LA right alongside the hero of the show. In her mind, Maggie was Lottie’s best friend, and the two of them would solve the various mysteries together with their many animal friends. 

As the front door slammed, signaling Papi’s arrival home, the commercials ended, and the opening credits of the show began.

“My name is Lottie Morris, and I’m a competitive surfer who lives in LA.” The show’s protagonist, Lottie Morris (played by Alex Danvers, according to the credits for every episode), narrated the opening as a montage of recap clips from the show played out.

“During a regional competition, I was thrown from my board and knocked unconscious. When I woke up, I discovered something amazing had happened. I could talk to animals!”

Maggie stopped mouthing the words to the opening but only so that she could unwrap her candy bar and bite into it. 

“To most people, I’m just an ordinary young girl who goes to school, does her homework and practices surfing for the next big competition. But in secret, I work with my best friend, Pickles the otter, and my other animal friends to protect my city from anyone who means to cause it harm. We are the Dawn Patrol.”

On screen, an otter jumped up onto the shoulder of the young redhead and, with her surfboard tucked under her arm, the two of them walked towards the distant sunset and the waves crashing against the shore. The screen faded to black, then the week’s episode began. 

And so did the shouting. Papi’s voice was projecting, his tone clear even if his words were not. They soon would be, however, so Maggie grabbed up the remote and clicked the volume up a couple of bars. Then she unscrewed the bottle of soda and picked up her candy bar again.

On screen, the heroes were discussing some plastic debris that a sea turtle had been caught up in when it washed up on the beach. Lottie had untangled the turtle, and now the friends were talking about how plastic and other trash was polluting the environment.

Maggie found herself drawn into the fantasy world of the show, which fed her imagination as she so desperately wanted to be there right alongside the heroes. 

She laughed when Pickles told one of his terrible jokes.

She got angry when Diego the coyote lied about where he’d been.

She agreed with Lottie when the young redhead explained her plan for how they were going to save the day. 

She was on the edge of her seat, literally, when Ratchet the Racoon couldn’t get the door open after the group got stuck in a rapidly flooding storm drain. Thankfully, Lottie was able to, and the group made it to safety just in time. Phew, that was a close one. 

And she huffed a huge sigh of relief when Lottie was able to make it back to the beach just in time for the surfing competition.

“Great job, Dawn Patrol!” Lottie said to close out the episode, as she did every week, and the familiar melody played into the room. It was an uplifting, bright and bouncy tune, accompanied by a cartoon otter dancing across the names that scrolled up the screen, but Maggie found no joy in it at all. 

Because those credits and that music meant it was back to the real world. And the real world sucked.

Some day, she’d escape this nightmare, she promised herself yet again. Some day, she’d move away from home and go on her own adventures with her own best friend. If they were even half as cool as Lottie was, then she’d be happy.

Today was not that day, as Papi’s voice rose yet again from beyond the door.

Trying to delay the inevitable was futile, but Maggie took one of her notebooks from her backpack, flipped it open to the next empty page and began to scribble down ideas for her own Dawn Patrol adventure, desperate to keep the show alive just that little bit longer and keep herself in that fantasy realm with the talking animals. 

Wherever Lottie Morris was, that’s where Maggie wanted to be.

Chapter Text

Maggie swirled the last dregs of lukewarm coffee at the bottom of her styrofoam cup and glanced at her watch. They were supposed to have been underway ninety-seven minutes ago. What the hell was the hold up?

Well, she knew what the hold up was. Their leading lady was still in hair and makeup after breezing onto the set over an hour late with no apology or explanation. It really was true, what people said about not meeting your idols.

Maggie had always been a huge fan of Alex Danvers. One of Maggie's earliest memories was lounging on the sofa in the den of her parents home, hiding from Papi, eating candy and drinking soda as a young Alex Danvers stole the show from her older co-stars.

Danvers had been a child star on TV since the incredibly tender age of four. She’d made a huge name for herself, working her way up from child star to adult star with a whole host of awards, nominations and achievements under her belt, and was (at one time) one half of Hollywood’s Hottest Couple (Brad and Jen eat your hearts out). 

But then without explanation, her latest and biggest tv show ‘Roundtable Rival’ had been canceled, the series cut short and left on a major cliffhanger that had stirred the internet into a frenzy for months. Alex had disappeared from the spotlight, and her heartthrob boyfriend, Ben Lockwood, had been spotted shortly after dating Cat Grant, a huge tv personality and host of her own talk show “Cat’s Conversations on Worldwide Media,” or CatCo for short. 

Still, Maggie had always held out some hope that whatever had happened to Alex Danvers, she would still be the figure she’d always been before her step back from the spotlight. Her smile had dazzled during interviews; she’d charmed people with her personality as the Hollywood Golden Girl, and Maggie wasn’t ashamed to admit that she’d had the biggest crush on Alex.

That was why, when she had been offered the role of Detective Rosa Miers, starring alongside Alex’s Detective Juliet ‘Jules’ Scott in a new buddy cop tv show called ‘Ride or Die’, Maggie had jumped at the chance. She was still unknown in the entertainment industry, and landing a starring role alongside a giant like Alex Danvers should have been a dream come true and a very definite step (or twelve) up the career ladder.

‘Should’ being the operative word. Because working with Alex Danvers was anything but what Maggie had imagined.

Each day, Alex would arrive at the set shadowed by her sister Kara, who doubled up as Alex’s agent (or so Maggie had been informed by James Olsen, the cinematographer). However, she acted more like Alex’s bodyguard.

Alex would inevitably be wearing dark aviators, a takeout cup of coffee in one hand, and her phone in the other. She wouldn’t look at anyone. She wouldn’t talk to anyone. She would focus dead ahead and get herself from A to B as quickly as possible. If anyone tried to stop her or talk to her, they would have to deal with Kara.

Maggie had found that out on more than one occasion when she’d tried to engage Alex in some friendly conversation, or when she tried to accompany her to hair and makeup so they could discuss an upcoming scene together. Alex wouldn’t even acknowledge Maggie’s presence, while Kara would kindly ask Maggie not to interrupt Alex during her ‘morning routine’. 

Alex Danvers, easy on the eyes but grating on the nerves.

Winn Schott, the Chief Lighting Director, had patted Maggie on the shoulder a few days ago when she’d vented to him during setup. She’d insisted that the Danvers sisters were stuck up, arrogant brats, and whilst he hadn’t openly agreed with her, he hadn’t denied it either.

Querl “Brainy” Dox, the special effects supervisor, had suggested that all actors have their quirks and maybe this was Alex’s.

It wasn’t a quirk, Maggie decided. It was just plain rude. 

And speaking of rude, keeping everyone waiting like this was ridiculous.

Draining the last of her coffee, Maggie threw the cup in a nearby bin, turning as the door to the hair and makeup trailer finally opened and Lena Luthor, the show’s producer, stormed out.

Kara followed closely, animatedly flapping her hands about as she had some sort of heated discussion with the producer, who was having none of it. Good. Maybe someone had put in a complaint about the Danvers Sisters and their behavior. It was about time. 

A few minutes later, Alex herself came out, dressed in her character’s signature leather jacket, dark jeans and kick ass boots. The fake detective shield was clipped to her belt, and the aviators were nowhere in sight. 

She walked over towards Maggie, who straightened up and adjusted the prop detective badge on her own belt. “About damned time too. What the hell, Danvers?”

Alex glanced her way briefly, muttered something inaudible then carried on to the set where they would be filming the morning’s scenes. 

“Asshole,” Maggie grumbled as she followed. Winn offered her another sympathetic smile as he adjusted a few set lights. 

A few small crosses - some in white, some in blue - had been taped to the floor of what was Maggie’s character’s apartment set. These were their markers to make sure they stood in the exact place that Sara Lance, this particular episode’s director, needed them to be in, to get the best lighting, angles and shots for each frame. Maggie didn’t understand the technical side of the film and television industry. Her job was to just show up, stand where she was told, act her part, read her lines and maybe someday earn the big bucks. Though if money and fame turned her into anything even remotely like Alex Danvers, then maybe this career wasn’t for her after all. 

Maggie took her place on the white markers, counted to five, and then relaxed herself into the still relatively unfamiliar role of Detective Rosa Miers. They’d been filming for a few months now, and she was steadily getting to know Rosa. She’d even taken to giving Rosa a bit of a backstory. It had mostly started as a bit of fun, but Maggie found that the more depth she gave the character, the easier she became to play. Her motives for her actions became clearer, and it was much easier to imagine how she might react to different scenes and scenarios.

Like this one for instance. Alex’s character, Detective Juliet ‘Jules’ Scott was supposed to be asking Rosa for backup to go and check out a hunch. Rosa, the law abiding, book-following detective, would argue that Jules’ cavalier attitude would get them both in trouble someday, but she’d ultimately end up going with Jules anyway because they were partners. Ride or Die.

As Sara settled into her chair behind the camera, headphones on and ready to direct the scene, she looked at Maggie and gave a thumbs up. Maggie nodded that she was ready in reply and Sara gave the go ahead. “And action!”

Rosa picked up the empty mug from the coffee table and headed towards the kitchen for a refill when there was a loud rap at the door. 

Setting her cup on the kitchen counter, Rosa sighed and crossed to the door, tugging it open. “Forget it, Scott.”

Jules stepped into the apartment. “Come on, Rosa, you know he’s up to his bald head in it. I know it. We just need to get everyone else to see it.”

“By breaking and entering?” Rosa crossed her arms over her chest. “Not to mention going through his stuff without a warrant.”

“Ugh,” Jules began to pace, running a hand through her short, cropped red hair. “Why do you always have to be like this?”

“Like what?” Rosa challenged.

“By the book all the time! He’s guilty, Rosa! I know it!”

Something fell over with a loud crash in the background, and Maggie jumped, even as Sara yelled out, “Cut!”

She tugged the headphones off and stood. “Ladies, you were great! Let me get that sorted, and then we’ll take it again from the top.”

Maggie huffed out a breath as she picked up the empty coffee mug and set it back on the table. To Alex’s credit, she was a damned good actress. But Jules Scott wasn’t the problem. Alex Danvers was.

And Alex Danvers was staring at her.

“Something on my face?” Maggie scowled. 

Alex looked away quickly, rubbed the back of her neck for a moment, then straightened and took a step forward. “I’m sorry for being late this morning.”

Oh.

That was unprecedented. Before Maggie could stop herself, the words, “It’s fine,” had tumbled from her lips. No, it was not fine. It happened every damned morning, though usually only by about ten minutes or so. Not the hour and a half that it had taken this morning.

This was the first time Alex had acknowledged the problem though, so Maggie supposed that was a start.

As they waited for the scene to be reset and the fallen equipment to be dealt with, Maggie sat down on the sofa in Rosa’s apartment. Alex stood scuffing one boot in front of herself.

“Look, Danvers…”

“Alright places, everyone!” Sara called as she walked back to her chair and picked up the headphones again. 

Maggie sighed and stood up. Alex stepped back outside the door and the scene started again from the top. 

<><>

After a rocky start, the scenes started to flow more naturally again, and Maggie was surprised by the few brief snatches of conversation she had with Alex between takes.

Granted they were mundane, trivial subjects (it was a gloomy day but there was hope the weather would improve; yes, Maggie had seen the game last night, though they weren't her team, so she wasn't entirely fussed about who won; yes, she too had been a little surprised by the news about the Senator and his wild party, but at the same time, he was a politician, and they couldn't say good morning without lying twice), but at least Alex had started to talk and wasn't just sulking on her phone between takes or avoiding everybody. How this sudden change had come about, Maggie couldn’t say. She’d already figured that Alex Danvers was a complex individual, but to go from secluded and silent to engaging in conversations (albeit short, trivial ones) was a turn of events Maggie had never seen coming.

If this change in attitude was unprecedented, then the real shock for Maggie came just after lunch, when they moved to one of the outdoor sets so that Rosa and Jules could question a suspect in a parking lot. 

Because the scene was going to dissolve into a shootout between the detectives and their suspects, a lot of prep had to be put into the scene, which meant a lot of safety features and background dressings from the props department.

This gave Alex and Maggie time to go over their lines one more time, and whilst Maggie was prepared to find a quiet corner and do it alone, the gentle clearing of a throat suggested that Alex might have other ideas.

Maggie looked up, surprised, to see the other actress hovering nearby, studying one nail.

"You alright there, Danvers?" Maggie asked curiously. 

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I was just… you're busy." Alex motioned to the script in Maggie’s hand, then tapped her own. "I should probably do that too."

Maggie wasn't sure what came over her, but before she'd consciously registered the thought, words were coming from her mouth. "Did you want to go over lines together?"

The corner of Alex’s lip quirked. It would have been optimistic to call it a smile, but the way her eyes lit up was much more of a giveaway. "Uh, sure. Yeah. I mean, if you don't mind?"

Maggie scooted up on the low wall she had been sitting on then patted the bricks beside her. After a moment of hesitation, Alex took the offered seat and opened her script, flicking through the pages until she found the one they were about to work on.

"So…" Maggie started when they lapsed into silence again. 

"What do you think of this line?" Alex asked suddenly, pointing to a particular line that Jules was meant to say. 

Maggie found the same part in her own copy and read it through. "It's… well it's a bit odd."

"Yeah," Alex said quietly with a nod. "I thought that too. I mean, why would she say that but then do that?" Her finger traveled to a stage cue a few lines further down. "It doesn't make sense."

Maggie read through the rest of the page, then nodded. "You're right. It's odd. Think you could change it slightly?"

"That's what I was hoping," Alex said, her eyes fixed firmly on the script in her hands. "But I'm not sure what to change it to. I'm still not sure I know Jules enough yet to know her. You know? Like really know her." 

"I get it. That's why I came up with my own back story for Rosa. That way when she does things, I can think to myself 'so that's why she says that'. And it all makes sense."

"I did that with TJ," Alex said, setting the script down at last in her lap and looking up. She still wasn't looking at Maggie. She was gazing off into the distance. 

But this was the longest conversation Maggie had ever had with the woman, and with the mention of Tiffany ‘TJ’ Johnson, the character Alex had played in ‘Roundtable Rival’ before the show was canceled, Maggie was in no hurry to interrupt her now.

Not when she might finally get an answer as to why her favorite Saturday night show had come to an abrupt end without explanation.

"Yeah?" Maggie prompted at last when it seemed that Alex had ground to a halt of her own.

"Yeah. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her, but at the same time, I was. This—" she tugged lightly on the leather jacket she was wearing, "is hers. TJ's I mean. I took it with me when I left."

"No way!" Maggie’s eyes widened. "That jacket was a character all on its own! Does it actually have chainmail inside it? Oh that would be so cool if it did."

Alex laughed, just a soft chuckle, but it was the biggest reaction Maggie had ever seen her give to anything when not in front of the camera. “No chainmail unfortunately.”

“Ugh, that’s too bad. I really liked that whole merging of the time period thing they had going on with the show. You know, because TJ was a descendent of Sir Gawain from the Knights of the Round Table, so the chainmail made sense, especially in that episode when she got shot and it saved her.” Noting Alex’s wide eyed stare, Maggie decided to rein in her fangirling before she scared the other woman away completely. “Of course, the leather jacket was just badass all over. No wonder she was everyone’s favorite.”

“I… I wouldn’t say she was everyone’s favorite.”

"Maybe not, but she was mine. And now I'm going to have to ask for two autographs," Maggie continued playfully. "One from you and one from your jacket."

A light pink colored Alex's cheeks as she bit her lip, slowly turning towards Maggie. "You want my autograph?"

"Are you kidding? I'm a huge fan. Of course I do. You were pretty much my childhood idol when I was growing up. Everyone else had posters of sports heroes, super heroes, girl or boy bands in their rooms. I had posters of ‘Dawn Patrol’, ‘Animals of Wildwood Rock’ and ‘Count Quackula’ all over my room. I even wrote to you once, and when you wrote back, it was like my birthday, Christmas and every other public holiday and celebration all rolled into one. I framed that letter and hung it up right next to my Lottie Morris poster in my den where I would watch all your shows. So hell yeah, I want an autograph from my childhood hero."

"Even though you've met the real me, now? The whole 'don't meet your idols' thing not put you off at all?"

"Don't get me wrong, I was seriously disappointed when I first met you," Maggie admitted. Not sure if she should have said that or not, she carried on anyway. It was too late now. "I thought you were a jerk, and your sister doesn't exactly help with that image."

Alex's face had dropped, her head hanging, as she clenched the script tightly in one white knuckled hand.

Maggie reached out, debated for all of five seconds then placed her hand over Alex's. "But… you're not so bad, Danvers."

She added in what she hoped was a playful nudge with an elbow for emphasis, but Alex stood up and walked away.

"Alex, wait! I didn't mean—" 

"We should get to our places. Looks like they'll be starting soon."

She was right, of course. Her years of expertise in the industry gave her a considerable advantage over Maggie, the rookie who was still waiting tables at her aunt’s restaurant most evenings when she wasn’t on set, to help pay the bills. But Maggie couldn't help notice the sloop of Alex’s shoulders, the way the other woman’s feet dragged a little as she walked away. There was a hell of a lot going on under that gorgeous surface, and Maggie found herself wanting to know more.

Now she understood how Detective Rosa Miers felt when a mystery was placed on the table in front of her. 

<><>

“Rosa, get down!” 

Rose didn’t have time to react. A gunshot cracked, the echo reverberating off the concrete of the parking lot, and she found herself pressed to the floor beneath Juliet, unable to move… and quite frankly not wanting to.

Or at least Maggie didn’t want to. This was like one of her teenage fantasies, playing out in real life.

Another gunshot echoed, and Maggie flinched. Right, still acting. Get your head back in the game Sawyer!

“Jules, behind you!” Rosa pushed her partner off, raised her gun, and let off three quick rounds that hit the man in the chest. He staggered backwards, his own gun dropping from his hand before he fell. 

Jules had scrambled to her feet and pressed herself to the side of their bullet riddled squad car. Every now and then, she’d fire over the hood of the car before ducking as their suspect fired back. 

“This is no good,” Jules snapped. “Cover me!”

“Where are you—" Rosa didn’t have the chance to finish speaking. Jules was already moving, leaping across the gap between their car and the next, vaulting the hood of the second car, and then vanishing from sight. Rosa took up a position at the hood of the car and let off a few shots. A moment later, it all went quiet, and Rosa slid down behind the car again, out of sight.

Holy shit. Danvers had the moves alright. No wonder nobody had been too concerned that Alex was doing her own stunts today whilst their stunt doubles stood to the side supervising. It seemed that Danvers, at least, could care for herself.

Maggie, on the other hand, was very much wishing she’d taken James up on his offer of getting her double to switch in for her. Her shoulder was complaining about the shove to the floor and— shit, what was her next line? 

" Scott?! Scotty, where are you? Talk to me!”

“... Well this is gonna sting like a bitch when the adrenaline wears off.”

Rosa peered back over the hood of the car to see Jules walking towards her, cradling one arm as crimson oozed between her fingertips.

“And cut!” 

As Brainy came forward to take the prop gun from Maggie and make it secure, she stood up and rubbed her shoulder. 

“Are you… um… are you okay?” Alex asked as she stood for a moment to let Brainy remove the squib from the sleeve of the jacket (thankfully not the jacket, just a replica that had been created for the very purpose of being ripped and blood stained). 

“I’m okay,” Maggie nodded as she rolled her shoulder, then managed to offer a smile. “Just landed a bit awkwardly, that’s all.”

Once Alex was given the all clear, she walked over. “I’m really sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not your fault.” Maggie shrugged, biting back a wince. “You were great, by the way. The way you vaulted that car just now?”

“I, uh… practice.” It was Alex’s turn to shrug this time. Was she trying to be humble? It was kind of cute. 

“So you do all your own stunts, huh?”

“Well, not all of them.” Alex shrugged out of the jacket and gave it to Sam Arias from hair and make up, wiped the fake blood from her arm where it had seeped through the hole in the leather, then tugged her other jacket back on. The jacket. The one she’d swapped out just before they’d started the scene. “But I try to do as many as I’m able to. I’m sorry I fell on you, by the way.”

“It’s fine. Honestly. No harm, no foul.” Maggie’s shoulder begged to differ, but it seemed like Alex was finally starting to open up to her, and she had to tread carefully. Like a scared animal, Alex was likely to run at any sudden moves. She seemed a bit jumpy like that. A bit flighty. So completely at odds with the tough as nails, hard as steel characters she usually played. Even on the few occasions where she’d had a comedy role (and this woman had comedic timing down to perfection, like an artform), she’d always had an air of confidence about her that she lacked in real life.

Real life Alex Danvers was just as likely to startle as her tv personas were to kick someone’s ass.

Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained, so Maggie grasped at this moment of connection and took a leap. “So, what are your plans now?”

“My plans?”

Maggie did her best to exude a level of serenity that anyone who touched her clammy palms would know was a façade. “Yeah. I need to eat and do my homework, and I figure you’re in the same boat. Want to grab some food and run lines with me?”

“Really?” 

When Alex smiled, not Jules at Rosa but Alex, the bottom fell out of Maggie’s stomach. She gave a mental high-five to her teenage self and smiled back. “Do you want to grab sandwiches from the table here, or we could head back to the hotel, change, and get room service? I don’t know if you need to shower off any remaining squib bits.”

Alex nodded. “That sounds—”

“Hey, Alex!” Kara’s voice rang out, and Alex flinched and took a step away from Maggie. Curious. 

Alex sucked in a breath and turned as Kara hurried towards them, adjusting her glasses. “Hey, so after this scene is all done, I’ve arranged for the car to take you back to the hotel. There’s a couple of press interviews you need to do to promote the show, and I thought it would be better to do them there, rather than in your trailer.”

“Thanks,” Alex mumbled.

Kara fiddled with her glasses once more, glancing back and forth between her sister and Maggie. “What’s going on? Did I interrupt you two exchanging trade secrets?”

Maggie chuckled, but Alex suddenly became very interested in her boots, examining them as if to memorize every eyelet and the twist of each lace.

Kara’s phone rang, and she pulled it out, “Crap, I have to take this. Two minutes, Alex. This is Kara,” she said into the phone as she walked away, talking quickly as her voice faded to nothing with distance.

“She’s… something.” Maggie said at last, breaking the awkward silence that had descended between them. 

“Yeah. She’s just…” Alex shrugged, then sighed. “I’d better go. Good work today.”

Wait a minute! Alex Danvers - the Alex Danvers, the greatest actress Maggie had ever seen on tv and in movies, whom Maggie may or may not have had a huge teenage crush on and who Maggie had written several notebooks of fanfiction about during her attempts to escape her crappy childhood - had just praised Maggie and her own acting abilities? Yeah this was a dream. Maggie must be dreaming. It was the only explanation.

A lighting trolley ran over her foot. “Son of a bitch!”

“Sorry!” Winn cringed.

Ok, so maybe not a dream after all, then. 

Chapter Text

The next few weeks saw considerable progress in Alex’s… was attitude the right word?

Maggie would say it was. She'd also come to the conclusion that Alex was actually a very nervous individual who liked to keep to herself. Unless Kara was around. Kara was a faithful guard dog that kept everyone else away.

Maggie’s daily greeting of “Morning Danvers” was met with a smile before Kara immediately regained her sister’s attention. A suggestion that Alex and Maggie grab lunch together hit the barrier of Kara needing to review press releases or have her sister’s sign off on marketing pictures. Even when the cast wanted to go out for dinner together, Alex looked first to Kara’s small head shake before declining. It was all done with a smile and a protective arm thrown over Alex’s shoulder. It was an emotional barrier made of sunshine and enthusiasm, but it was as impenetrable as Fort Knox.

It was only when Alex was on her own, usually in between takes or as they were preparing for a scene, that Maggie was able to get through to her, coaxing her into trivial conversations that eased into more of a friendly, companionable relationship as time went on. 

Slowly, very slowly, Maggie started to see a different side to Alex. A little of that inner confidence started to shine through, and whilst Maggie was usually the one to initiate a conversation, Alex had started a few of her own over the past few days too. 

She was starting to act more natural around Maggie, and this was becoming noticeably clearer during their scenes together. Their characters made a great duo. Rosa was the cool to Jules' fire, and they had each other's backs no matter what. The name 'Ride or Die' was aptly chosen, and by the time they'd filmed the mid season finale (with Jules lying in a hospital bed after being stabbed by their prime suspect), Alex was comfortable enough to even share a joke or two with Maggie between takes.

She had a beautiful laugh. Her acting laugh wasn't bad, but her natural one was beautiful, and Maggie found herself wanting to hear it more often. Needing to. So she decided to make it her mission that she would be the reason Alex Danvers laughed at least once a day, everyday, if nothing else.

Speaking of.

"You okay there Danvers?" Maggie smirked as she stood beside the hospital gurney. "You look a little uncomfortable. Want me to fluff your pillows for you?"

Alex smirked right back, and wasn't that a beautiful sight, as she stretched out on the bed and placed her hands behind her head, the definition of relaxed. "Nah, I'm good."

"Hmmm." Maggie patted Alex’s feet so that she shifted them over slightly, then Maggie hopped up onto the (admittedly taller than she'd anticipated) bed.

"Oh, hey, you okay?" Alex asked, her voice one of concern. "Did you need a ladder to get up there?"

"Wow," Maggie grinned. "You're cracking out the short guy jokes? Now I know we're BFFs."

Alex faltered, her smile wavering slightly. "We are?"

"Well, I mean it was just a joke," Maggie shrugged. But something in Alex's eye caught her off guard, and she quickly backtracked. "But I'd like it if we were."

"I… yeah I mean… um… well I've kind of… I've never really…" Alex sat up on the bed, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Hey." Maggie reached out and placed her hand over both of Alex's to still them.

Alex took a breath then glanced up at Maggie, her eyes sparkling. "I've never had a best friend before. I've never really had many friends before, either. Everyone I know is usually a friend of Kara’s, or someone she knows."

"Yeah?" It took all of Maggie’s willpower and training as an actress not to openly show how heartbreaking such a comment was. "Well, there's a first time for everything. And I'm happy to be your first."

Alex’s cheeks blushed a bright red. Maggie mentally went back over what she'd just said, and then gasped and her own cheeks burst into a raging inferno. "That's not what I meant! I didn't mean… not like that! Oh, Christ on a pogo stick."

"Christ on a—?" Alex's face contorted, and for a moment, Maggie thought she might be having some sort of seizure. And then Alex laughed, the biggest, most joyously loud and from the belly laugh that Maggie had ever heard. She fell back into the cushions behind her, palming tears from her eyes, and Maggie couldn't help it. The laughter was so infectious that pretty soon the pair of them were clutching their bellies and crying tears of mirth.

Even when they were given the five minute warning before filming resumed, and Sam came to touch up their makeup for the scene, they were still chuckling. 

And when Ava Sharpe called action and the cameras started to roll, Maggie took one look at Alex laying in the bed, her eyes squeezed shut and her mouth twitching constantly as she tried to act unconscious… and Maggie fell about laughing again. Which naturally set Alex off, the pair of them unable to keep a straight face even after Ava called cut.

"Sorry, sorry," Maggie apologized as she wiped a tear off of her cheek and walked over to meet Sam who came forward to touch up her makeup again. 

"It's good to see her laughing." Sam smiled as she worked quickly. "Whatever you did to get her to come out of her shell, I'm glad. I've never seen her this happy before. And I've worked with her on a few projects now."

“Yeah?” Maggie glanced back at Alex, who still had a smirk on her face as she spoke with Ava. That smile had been a long time coming, but it was worth the wait.

Indeed, it seemed that something had changed within Alex. She had the giggles for the rest of the afternoon, and although they had messed up more than one take, Ava had laughed it off and suggested there was plenty of material for a blooper reel if the show ever made it to a DVD release. 

Walking back to their trailers together at the end of the day, Maggie was once again surprised when Alex stopped, just before her trailer, and offered Maggie a big grin. “Thank you for today.”

“It was nothing.” Maggie tried to shrug, but Alex was shaking her head.

“No, I mean it. Thank you. I… uh… well, it’s nice to know I have a friend here, now.”

“I’m sure you have more than you realize,” Maggie said. “But I did enjoy today.”

“It was fun,” Alex agreed, still smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early.” Maggie paused, then added with a mischievous smirk, “Well, I will be. Not sure about you.”

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s fashionable to be late?” Alex thankfully chose to take Maggie’s comment in good spirits. “I’ll see you around… Mags.”

Maggie’s heart swelled with pride at her new nickname. Normally, she hated people trying to shorten her name any more than it already was. But from Alex, it was an endearment, one Maggie would very much like to get used to.

“See you around, Danvers.”

Chapter Text

“Jules!” Rosa jogged across the police precinct foyer to catch up to a familiar leather-jacket-clad figure. “What are you doing here?” She scowled. “You’re still supposed to be taking it easy for another two weeks yet.”

Jules turned to her with a bright smile. “Well, not exactly the welcoming committee I’d imagined, but it’s good to see you too, Rosie.”

“Seriously, Jules, what are you doing here?” Rosa stepped round in front of Jules to cut off any further advance into the building. She reached out and took the golden detective shield from Jules’ belt.

“Hey!” Jules tried to snatch it back, but Rosa held it behind her back. 

“Nope, nu-uh. You’re not due back for another two weeks.”

“Oh come on, Rosie. I got bored!” Jules pouted, her arms slumping back to her sides. “Daytime tv is so booooring. Besides, I feel fine. My side is fine. Totally fine. Want to see?”

Before Rosa could protest, Jules was already untucking her silk blouse and lifting up the hem to reveal the knife wound, which was well on its way to healing. Her abs were perfect, sculpted, clearly a product of hard work and dedication at a gym and not just some fad diet like most so-called celebrities liked to promote on their social media.

Maggie blinked, swallowed hard, floundered… and found her mind a total blank. Fuck. She’d known this moment was coming! It was written in the damn script! But seeing Jules shows Rosa her almost healed wound on the page and actually seeing Alex’s abs… nothing could have prepared her for that.

Alex was watching her expectantly, one eyebrow raised. 

God damn it. And this scene had been going so well, too. Maggie was about to hold her hands up and admit it was her mistake, when Alex said, “Rosa, you’re staring.”

“What?” Maggie blinked again. There was a look in Alex’s eye. She was trying to tell Maggie something. She’d called her ‘Rosa’. The scene was still going! There was still a chance to save it. Shit, think fast Maggie! “Oh, yeah. It’s just… you almost died, Jules. I… I almost lost the best partner I’ve ever worked with. And seeing that… it makes it all real, you know?”

“You getting soft on me, Miers?” Jules teased, but her smile was warm and affectionate. 

Rosa let out a soft chuckle and shook her head. “Don’t ever do that to me again, you jerk.”

“I’ll try not to make a habit of it.”

“Scott!” Captain Larson called across the bullpen. “My office! Now!”

“Well,” Jules tugged her shirt back down, then held out a hand to take her badge back from  Rosa, “no rest for the wicked.”

Rosa smiled as she pressed the detective’s badge back into Jules’ palm. “It’s good to have you back.” She held out her fist, and Jules returned the fist bump with a smile that lit up the precinct.

“And cut!” Barry Allen stood from behind the camera, his own huge smile fixed firmly into place, as Maggie let out a shaky breath.

“Barry, I’m so sorry. I forgot my lines. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, shaking his head even as he walked over and patted her on the shoulder. “That was great!”

“Really?” Maggie tugged at her collar as she glanced over to Alex… who had her abs out again. Sam was touching up the extremely realistic looking wound, ready for the next scene - or maybe to redo this scene. Most likely to redo this scene after Maggie messed it up. Which meant that Maggie would have to get past seeing Alex’s abs all over again.

Oh dear sweet Lord.

“Really,” Barry said, derailing her runaway train of thoughts. “It was good.”

“Nice improv.” Alex walked back over to join them, even as Barry took his leave.

“Thanks for the prompt,” Maggie said with a smile as they walked off to craft services. Alex poured herself a water (it was all she ever drank) and Maggie poured herself some coffee out of habit. If she was going to have to endure this scene again, she needed something to settle her nerves. 

Though coffee probably wasn’t going to help. If anything it would make it worse, but she’d  already made herself a cup. Oh well.

“Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”

“You speaking from experience there, Danvers?”

“Absolutely. I used to forget my lines all the time. I still forget them now, sometimes. The trick is either to improvise and recover quickly enough that nobody notices or own it and leave it as  another blooper for the reel.”

Maggie nodded as she sipped on her lukewarm, over-roasted coffee. After two sips, she threw  it away. It was doing her no favors. “I guess it helps if you have an acting partner who can roll with it and help you improvise your way back to the script again.”

“That does help,” Alex agreed. She finished her water and threw the cup in the bin before she gestured back towards the set. “I should get back to it. Don’t worry about forgetting your lines. Barry was pleased. Who knows, maybe that’s the take that will make the final cut.”

“I hope not,” Maggie muttered, as Alex walked back onto the set, passing a flustered Kara who was turning in a slow circle, searching through the set.

“Maggie? Maggie?!”

“Over here.” Maggie gave a half-hearted wave when Kara turned in her direction.

“Oh, there you are,” Kara said as she hurried over, nudging her glasses up her nose. She held out a phone.

“That’s not mine.” 

“I know that,” Kara huffed, waving the phone towards Maggie still. “It’s one of the ones used by marketing to post stuff to social media. They wanted Alex to do a livestream of behind the scenes stuff to promote the show and get the fans interested. But she’s got too much going on, so I think you should do it instead.”

“Me?” Maggie had been reaching for the phone but snatched her hand back. “Nope.”

“What?” Kara’s brow crinkled as she scowled. “Why?”

“Because,” Maggie said, as she folded her arms across her chest, “it’s for marketing, right? To generate interest in the show, get new viewers, that sort of thing. I’m a nobody. Alex is a somebody. People adore her. She’ll gain viewers for the show ten times faster than the rest of us combined.”

Kara sighed. “Yes, I know. But I also know my sister, and I know she won’t do it.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Reasons!” Kara’s scowl deepend as she thrust the phone towards Maggie again, who reluctantly took it this time. “Look, I’ve already cleared it with marketing and with Lena. They’re posting that you’ll be going live today at one. All you have to do is say hi to everyone, walk around the set, show a few of the props and things, and answer some questions. Easy.” 

“I don’t know. Do the viewers even know my name?”

“Are you kidding? The studio watches this stuff closely. We’re only four episodes in, and you’re starting to trend. Good luck with the livestream.” With that, she turned on her heel and stalked away.

“I’m trending?” Maggie glanced down at the phone in her hand. “Oh sure. ‘Easy’, she says.” Jeez, talk about being thrown in the deep end. What reasons could Alex possibly have for not doing it herself?

Just when Maggie thought she had a handle on her co-star, Alex had thrown her a curveball. 

Typical!

<><>

“Hi, everyone! I’m Maggie Sawyer. I play Detective Rosa Miers, and today, I’m going to be giving you a behind the scenes tour of one of the sets here on Ride or Die.”

Maggie had barely had time to run through with the marketing department the sorts of things she could say or do and what she was allowed to show before she’d had to go live. This was the first time she’d ever done anything like this, and it was terrifying! 

As an actress, she’d left herself emotionally raw in front of hundreds of people, but that was always in character. Today, if she tripped and landed on her face, it would be all Maggie Sawyer, and it would be all the fans would talk about probably forever.

The small number in the top corner of the screen was steadily climbing as more and more viewers joined. Maggie did her best to tamp down her nerves, forced her best, brightest (and hopefully nobody would notice fake) smile, and hoped she really didn’t fuck up.

“So, this place is one I’m sure you’ll all recognise.” Turning the camera slightly to show the police precinct set behind her, Maggie then walked over to one of two desks. “Over here is my desk. Well, Rosa’s desk. She’s got everything neat and organized because as we all know, that’s just who she is.” 

A few comments popped up on the screen, discussing the various props and how the desk was clearly Rosa’s because it was so neat and tidy. As the discussion mounted, revealing the viewers’ enthusiasm for the show, the knot of anxiety in Maggie's stomach loosened. Maybe she could do this after all. 

The live count  in the corner rose as more viewers joined, and every now and then a flurry of likes would flutter up from the bottom corner. 

And just like the knot of anxiety in her stomach, this knot of fear that had been strangling  Maggie’s heart since the live stream began also started to loosen. 

Maggie walked round to the other desk. “And this mess right here is Jules’. It’s almost as chaotic as she is.”

Several  laughing crying emojis ran across the feed along with a few ‘lol!’ and ‘love that!’ comments. 

Okay, you got this, Sawyer. People are liking this.

As she walked on through the set, she pointed out various props and stages and gave a few bits of trivia to try to engage the viewers. At one point her camera caught somebody walking behind her, and the screen lit up with so many comments and reactions that it could only mean one thing. It didn’t take a genius to work out who the viewers had just seen.

“You guys wanna say hi to our leading lady?” Maggie grinned. This hadn’t been discussed with marketing, Kara, or even Alex, but Maggie couldn’t ignore the fans.

She turned and called over her shoulder, “Hey, Danvers?”

Alex glanced up from the script she had been studying. Her face lit up when Maggie motioned to the phone, and she waved. “Hi, friends!”

If Maggie had thought the comments were insane before, the screen all but exploded with them now. Mind you, she wasn’t reading any of them because Alex had just walked over, placed one hand on Maggie’s shoulder, and laid her chin on Maggie’s other shoulder so that she could fit into the picture as well.

It was taking everything Maggie had to remember how to even breathe. Words, however, were beyond her.

“So how are we all doing? Has Mags been giving you all the gossip?” Alex grinned into the camera, but the slight dig to Maggie’s side was enough to jolt her back to the present.

“Oh yeah, we’ve all seen Jules’ desk.”

“How that woman ever gets any paperwork done is beyond me,” Alex chuckled.

“She doesn’t. She gets Rosa to do it all for her.” Maggie glanced sideways at Alex with a smirk as more laughing emojis appeared on the screen. 

“This is true,” Alex agreed. “Poor Rosa, getting stuck with someone as chaotic as Jules.”

“Nah, there’s a reason they’re Ride or Die. They make a good team.”

“Yeah, we do.” 

‘We do’. Alex had said ‘we do’ instead of ‘they do’. Was that a slip? Or had it been deliberate? 

Alex held eye contact for what felt like an eternity as Maggie searched for the answer, before Alex turned back to the screen again. “Well, as much as I’d love to stay a while, I’ve got to go and get ready for my next scene. Sorry guys. See you all soon. Love you all.” She blew a kiss towards the phone, patted Maggie on the shoulder, and then walked away.

Her absence was obvious immediately, the warmth of her hand still lingering on Maggie’s shoulder, but Maggie did her best to valiantly move on as she held the phone up in front of herself. “So, I’m sure you guys have loads of questions. I’ve got a bit of time left, so let’s see if I can answer a few of them for you.”

So many different comments popped up on the screen that it was impossible to read most of them before they were replaced by new ones. Maggie laughed, shaking her head. “Honestly guys, I’m seeing so many great questions here,” She really wasn’t. “I have no idea where to even start.”

The comments slowed to a much steadier trickle, and finally she was able to make out what they were saying. 

“Aha, okay here’s a good one. Why does Jules always wear her leather jacket, but Rosa wears a police windbreaker, if they’re both detectives? Well, the thing about these two is that Rosa’s very by the books. She hasn’t been a detective for very long, so she’s still in that stage where she hasn’t quite transitioned out of her uniform just yet.” She tugged at the windbreaker - Rosa’s windbreaker - that she was wearing for emphasis. “It’s taking her some time to get used to the idea that she doesn’t have to wear one of these any more. And I guess this windbreaker is her comfort item. It’s been through some tough times with her.” 

A quick glance across the set to where Alex was grabbing her leather jacket from the back of a chair jogged something in Maggie’s memory and she smiled back at the camera again. “This windbreaker for Rosa is a bit like Jules’ jacket. Which reminds me, I have a piece of trivia for you all about that jacket. Did you know that it’s the exact same jacket that TJ wore in Roundtable Rivals? And no, it doesn’t have chainmail in it unfortunately.”

As Maggie chattered away, walking round the studio and answering the various questions that came her way, she found her stride at last. Engaging with the fans was nowhere near as hard as she’d thought it would be. They were curious, eager to learn more, and just as passionate about the show as she was. Finding others to have (an admittedly one-sided) conversation with about the show was refreshing.

All too soon, her time came to an end however. 

“Alright, guys, one more question, and then I’ve got to go. So let’s see. One more… one more… okay… huh.” She frowned, reading one comment in particular. “Will Otters get together this season?... Otters? You guys are gonna have to fill me in on this one because I’m honestly not sure what you mean. Tell you what, keep sending in your questions, and I’ll do my best to answer during our next live. How about that?”

She was greeted with a flurry of hearts and several comments of confirmation.

“Alright. Thanks for joining me today, hope you enjoyed the set tour, and I’m sure I’ll be seeing you all again real soon! Don’t forget to tune in this Tuesday for an all new episode. Love you all. Bye!”

As Maggie ended the live, she glanced up at Winn who was working nearby. “What have otters got to do with the show?”

“Don’t you know?” he asked. “It’s Jules and Rosa’s ship name. You know, because of that scene where you’re holding hands.” He dug into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and began searching for something.

“Wait, people are shipping them? Already? I thought they’d only aired the first four episodes so far?”

“They have,” he said, as he held his phone out to show her the video clip he’d pulled up. “But this was from episode four.”

Rosa was in the middle of the warehouse, gagged, her hands cuffed behind her back and her feet encased in cement, fixing her firmly into place. 

Jules turned to the nearest uniformed officer who had accompanied her to the entrance of the warehouse. “We need a jackhammer to get her out!”

“No way.” The bomb disposal expert shook his head. “Based on all the other bombs this guy has used, that thing will be motion activated. We start drilling, and this whole place goes up. We need to send in the robot, let it do its thing, and then we can get the detective out after it’s secure and safe to do so.”

“Fuck that,” Jules growled. She walked slowly towards Rosa, ignoring the bomb squad’s protests . Reaching Rosa’s side unharmed, she uncuffed and ungagged the detective.

“What the hell are you doing here, Scott?!” Rosa exclaimed. “You need to get out of here! This thing could blow at any moment!”

“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll do this together,” Jules replied calmly, reaching out a hand. “Ride or die.”

The camera cut to a close up of their hands, clasped together tightly, and then the clip came to an end. 

Ah yes, that scene. One of the ones that she and Alex had filmed together not long after they’d finally started to get along. The hand holding had been awkward at first, but after a couple of takes, they’d finally managed to get past the awkwardness, and the scene actually looked really good, from what Winn had just shown her. She’d been making a point of not watching the show, up until now, in case it threw her off her stride. Alex never watched back anything she did either, so Maggie assumed it was just a thing that most actors did.

“So we - well Jules and Rosa I mean - held hands. I still don’t get the ship name,” Maggie said. 

Winn sighed and scrolled down to the comments section. 

Otters4Eva says: They look like otters holding hands! That’s adorable!

StriderRider says: Did you know, otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift apart and lose each other. That’s true love!

Otters4Eva says: That’s ride or die! 

ILaughInTheFaceOfCookies says: Have we just found their ship name? Otters?

StriderRider says: Well, they are Scott and Miers. Kinda sounds like Otters if you say them together quick enough. And Alex had an otter friend in Dawn Patrol too!

TickleMeBob says: Otters are my OTP! Ride or Die!

“This is insane,” Maggie said as she handed the phone back.

“Oh yeah, people were shipping Jules and Rosa from episode one, but that episode with the bomb really sealed the deal. You should see the fanfiction that’s already out there. Some of them are really good.” Winn paused to tuck his phone back in his pocket and muttered, “Ahem. I mean, not that I’d know of course.”

Maggie raised an eyebrow, about to press for more, when Winn all of a sudden had somewhere else he needed to be. How convenient.

Did Alex know about this latest development? Did anyone else? What was going to happen now?

So many questions. And yet the one Maggie wanted to know the answer to the most had nothing to do with shipping or their characters.

Why had Alex been so at ease during her brief appearance on the live, yet she'd refused to do the thing herself in the first place? Out of everything else she'd learned today, that was the piece of the puzzle that wasn't sliding into place.

Maybe it was time to channel some Rosa Miers energy and get her detective’s brain into gear. 

Chapter Text

“Ugh,” Alex grumbled, rolling over and slapping her bedside table in a desperate attempt to stop the noise that had woken her. It took several blind grabs before her hand found the phone with its blaring alarm. It finally silenced under her touch, and she buried back underneath the covers, almost drifting back to sleep before she startled fully awake when the TV, volume turned high, sprang to life.

“When tragedy strikes the 51st Precinct…”

Gunshots, followed by Jules’ distraught voice, “Steve!”

“I’m… I’m sorry… Jules…I… I…” 

“Stay with me, Steve. Don’t you dare go. Stay with me!”

“How far is one lone cop willing to go, in her quest for revenge?”

“You know, this whole death wish thing you got going on, Jules? One day it’s gonna get you killed.”

“Isn’t that the whole point of a death wish?”

“Getting yourself killed isn’t going to bring him back!”

“Juliet’s quest for revenge is about to push her onto the wrong side of the law. Can Rosa stop her, before it’s too late?”

More gunshots, tires squealing, an explosion and Rosa screaming “Jules, no!”, coupled with some very dramatic music rounded out the trailer, along with a voice over announcement.

“Find out in all new Ride or Die, this Tuesday 9/8 central, only on—" 

“Kaaaara!” Alex moaned, not even needing to see her sister to know who the guilty party was. She tugged the blankets further over her head only to have them tugged off her a few moments later.

“Come on, sleepy head. Time to get up.” Kara stood to the side of the bed, one hand on the covers, her other behind her back.

“Five more minutes,” Alex groaned, trying to roll away and snuggle back down again, but Kara’s hand stopped her. Alex cursed inwardly. 

“Alex, you’ve snoozed your alarm three times already. No more ‘five more minutes’. Come on, it’s time to get up.” When Alex didn’t immediately move, Kara huffed. “Look, yesterday you made me promise to get you out of bed using any means necessary.” She held up something, and Alex squinted in the dull light, trying to get a better look. Kara crossed to the window and opened the blinds, then returned, still brandishing the item… which sparkled in the light. 

It was glitter.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Alex growled, sitting up in bed.

“Any means necessary.” Kara shrugged and waved the bottle of glitter. “This is any means, and if you don’t get out of bed in the next five seconds, it will be necessary.”

“You’re such a tyrant,” Alex scrubbed her face with both hands, but swung her legs round over the edge of the bed. “Alright, alright, I’m up. See?”

“Good.” Kara sat on the bed beside her sister. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m…” Alex paused and considered for a moment before she managed a smile and a nod. “Yeah, I’m ok.”

“Yeah?” Kara asked with a smile of her own. “That’s good. You know, when you kept snoozing your alarm, I wasn’t sure what today might bring.” She patted Alex’s knee. “This is a good start.”

“I’m just tired.” The yawn highlighted this point as Alex rubbed at her eyes again. “Filming went a lot later than expected last night.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” Kara asked gently. “Because if you need to call Nia and get some new meds—" 

“I’m fine. Honestly. I’m good.” Alex shook her head, took a deep breath, then stood up. “See. I’m good. I promise.”

“Okay, well, if you do need to call her then let me know, and I’ll let Lena know so they can rearrange the filming schedule.”

“Don’t tell Lena.” Alex padded across to her closet and rooted around for a fresh pair of jeans and a button down. “That woman seriously doesn't need any more reason to verbally kick my ass.”

“She doesn’t verbally kick anyone’s ass.” Kara shook her head. “I think you’re being a bit dramatic. She isn’t that bad. She’s just… passionate about this project. It’s her money on the line, and she just wants to make sure it’s not being wasted. That’s all.”

“Then maybe she should have gambled on a more reliable lead actress, if that’s all she’s worried about.”

“Don’t be like that,” Kara sighed. “I try my best to keep her out of your way, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.”

“I know.” Alex crossed back over to the bed and dropped a kiss on Kara’s forehead. “Thank you.”

“You know I’d do anything for you.” Kara smiled as she stood up. “Go on, go shower and I’ll sort breakfast.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Alex chuckled. She took a bit longer than was probably necessary in the bathroom, but standing beneath the warm water of the shower was soothing. It was one of the few places she could just relax, and for the few minutes of that shower, she didn’t have to worry about anything or anyone. She could be free.

When she had dried, dressed, and gotten ready for the day, she found Kara in the kitchen. An energy shake had been freshly made, and two silver blister packs sat beside it on the counter: one with xanax and one with fluoxetine. Alex popped one pill from each pack, downed them with some water, then drank the energy shake without complaint (even if it was one of the more disgusting ones). 

Kara watched her with beady eyes as she munched on a bit of toast. Alex ignored her sister and drank her shake. They'd been down this path many times, the lines of worry well-etched into Kara's face from frequent use. There was no reason to rush the inevitable, especially when it was already speeding toward her.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Because if this is getting too much for you…”

Yup, there it was.

“I’m fine,” Alex sighed, barely suppressing a shudder at the lingering aftertaste of the shake. She set the glass in the sink then snagged a bit of toast from Kara’s plate. “I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. Yes, it’s hard work sometimes, but I like what I’m doing. Besides, when I’m acting with Maggie, I can really get into it, you know? I can forget about everything else for a while. It’s… well, it’s kind of like mini therapy.”

“Maggie, huh?”

There was a tone of voice Kara sometimes used, one that said she knew far more than had been voiced between the sisters. It was built from years of unconditional love and support, and usually, it meant Kara would be between Alex and harm, anticipating Alex’s needs and providing for Alex. Everytime that happened, it was a timely reminder that Alex was the luckiest big sister in the world.

Other times, however, it was just damn inconvenient.

Alex forced her voice neutral, used years of acting experience to plaster a guileless expression on her face and said, “What does that mean?”

“Nothing, I just… She seems really sweet - and she’s a much better actress than I had expected the show to be able to afford for your co-star - but they also made some changes to the script after they cast her, and I was just worried she might be making you uncomfortable.”

Alex scoffed. “Maybe you’re the one who needs to call your therapist because you’re nuts. Maggie is perfect. I’m grateful to be able to act with her.”

“Fine, but I’m still mad at Miss Perfection for what she did yesterday.” Kara dropped her toast back onto her plate and set it to one side. The fact she was turning down food must mean she felt very strongly about this particular conversation.

Alex couldn’t help but ask, “What about yesterday?” even as she leaned over and snagged another bit of her sister’s toast.

“I asked her to do that live instead of you—" 

“Yeah, why did you do that? Why didn’t you ask me to do it?”

“Alex,” Kara sighed, the underlying tone in her voice suggesting that she wasn’t quite as patient as she was acting. “We both know you’ve got too much going on. It’s precisely the reason you don’t stop and talk to fans or sign autographs when you're shooting on location anymore.”

“I still would have liked the option of being able to say no.” Alex pouted. “Anyway, what was wrong with Maggie’s live? I thought she was great.”

“Oh, she was great. She really engaged with the fans, but she expressly went against my wishes to keep you out of it. You might be one of the best actors I’ve ever known, but you forget I know when you’re acting and when you’re being real. Yesterday, when you were a part of that live, you were acting your heart out. Those smiles, that attitude? It was all forced for the viewers who thankfully don’t know you well enough to know that you were trying to get the hell out of there as quickly as you could.”

Damn. She’d hit the nail right on the head, and there was no point even denying it.

“Alright, fine. Yes I was uncomfortable and didn’t want to do it. But Maggie didn’t know that. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t tell her the reason why I didn’t want to do it in the first place.”

Kara shook her head sheepishly, as she picked up her toast again. “It’s not my place to tell.”

“No, it's not,” Alex said with a knowing smile. “She didn’t know, and you didn’t tell her. So it’s not her fault. You,” she reached across the counter and poked the developing crinkle between her sister’s eyes, “can’t be mad at her for that.”

“Hmmm,” Kara hummed. She nudged her glasses up her nose with the tip of one finger. “You’re lecturing me. You must be feeling better today.”

“I am.” 

“And I guess Maggie isn’t so bad either. Maybe we can start including her in a few more things from now on.”

“I’d like that.” 

“Even if we do have to be careful because of the Otter shippers.”

Alex blinked. “The what now?”

Kara sighed as her shoulders slumped. “Jules and Rosa have a ship name. Don’t ask me to explain where it came from. I’m not entirely sure. I only found out from Winn yesterday.”

Alex swallowed. Hard. “Pe-people are… are shipping… us?”

“Hey, relax, it’s not as bad as it seems.” Kara reached across the counter and took Alex’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Alex clung to it tightly. “It’s completely harmless, and it was bound to happen. When you have two female leads, it doesn’t matter what the writers intend. Fans see the onscreen chemistry, and they relate and assign a relationship to it. It doesn’t mean anything. People are also shipping Jules and Captain Greg because there’s chemistry there too. They were shipping her and Steve before the show killed him off, as well. None of it matters. All it really means is that you guys, the actors, are doing really well, and people love you.”

Alex considered her sister’s words for a few minutes as Kara finished her toast. Then Alex walked round the unit and wrapped her arms around Kara, pulling her in for a hug, which Kara returned. “You’re right. Thank you for always being there for me. For picking me up whenever I fall down.”

“It’s kind of in my job description,” Kara chuckled, as she returned the hug. “But it’s also because you’re my sister, and I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

<><>

Filming was on location today. And unfortunately, Max Lord was in the director’s chair.

Alex hated the guy, but would grudgingly admit he was good at his job. He just happened to have the people skills of a cardboard box and the personality of a dead fish.

“You’ll be fine,” James reassured her after she expressed her concerns to him. “Besides, he’ll be too busy wrangling the background actors to bother you too much today. Trust me.”

James was right. Because of the very limited budget that the show had been given (all because of Alex. Nobody said as much, but it was true), they weren’t able to afford paid extras for most of the scenes, so they had resorted to using ‘willing volunteers’ instead. 

Crowds of fans had gathered around the perimeters of the set, and Alex was swamped as soon as she stepped out of the car. Had something changed overnight? What the hell was going on? There weren't usually this many people around, and they certainly never pounced on her as soon as she got out of the car!

“Alex! Alex! Can you sign this for me?!”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s really you! Can I get a selfie with you?”

“I love this show! It’s amazing! I can’t believe I get to watch you make it!”

“What’s going to happen with Otters? Are they getting together? Please tell me they are?!”

“Who’s idea was it to start Otters? Was it yours or Maggie’s?”

“Jules belongs with Rosa, not Greg, don’t you agree?”

“Can I get your autograph?”

“Can you sign this?”

“Can we get a group shot?”

Despite being outside, the walls were starting to close in around her. The press of bodies, the demands of fans, the jobs of everyone on the show that depended on her strength to survive were piling on. She was suffocating under the pressure. Her eyes darted constantly for a way out, an escape route. She needed to get the hell out of here, and she needed to get the hell out now. Why wasn’t Max doing his fucking job and getting security to clear the set?!

“Hey?” A hand took her arm, and Alex jumped, whirling on the spot. Maggie blinked, clearly startled by this reaction. “Hey, easy. It’s just me. You okay?”

“I just—" Alex let out a shuddering breath, her hands balling into fists. “I need to—" 

“Gotcha,” Maggie said quietly. She kept hold of Alex’s arm but turned to the assembled crowd. “Alright, ladies and gents, as great as it is to meet you all, we’re needed on set now, so if you’ll excuse us? I’m sure you’ll be able to get some great views from over there though.” She pointed to a cordon that had been set up a bit further along for spectators to stand behind.

Reluctantly, the crowd began to disperse, heading in the direction Maggie had pointed out to them, and Alex was able to let out another shuddering breath, this time one of relief.

“You okay?” Maggie asked her quietly as she steered Alex in the opposite direction. “That looked intense.”

“It was,” Alex said. A tingle ran up her arm from where the heat of Maggie’s hand warmed her flesh, and she flexed her hands to force them to relax. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“You’re welcome. You looked like you could use the assist.”

“Could… could we go and get a coffee or something?” 

Maggie opened her mouth, and Alex waited to see if some sarcastic comment or quip was coming her way. But then Maggie took one of Alex’s trembling hands in both of her own and frowned. “They really did a number on you, huh?”

“It was just… a lot.” Alex admitted quietly. “I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Sure you don’t want something stronger than a coffee?” Maggie was smiling, and although it was a joke, Alex found herself shaking her head. 

“Just a coffee. Soon as I get my feet back under me, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright. Well, I think we’re needed in hair and make-up anyway, so maybe we can hide out in Sam’s trailer for a bit until the mob has calmed down.”

“Sounds good.” Alex managed a more genuine smile this time.

Thankfully, Sam was a gracious host as always and let them both escape into her make-up trailer, providing them with coffee and cookies that her daughter Ruby had baked the previous day. Shaped like police badges, they were decorated with yellow icing and chocolate chips.

They were delicious, but when Sam started to talk about how her daughter loved the show and how Jules and Rosa were Ruby’s favorite characters (and how Ruby had wanted to make otter shaped cookies for them, but Sam didn’t have the right shaped cookie cutter), the cookies turned to ash in Alex’s mouth.

“Will you excuse me?” Alex said.

“You alright, Danvers?” Maggie asked as Alex moved toward the door.

“All good.” Alex shot a quick finger gun over her shoulder and flashed Maggie a smile that she hoped didn’t look too forced. When Maggie smiled back—kind, natural, and as beautiful as the woman herself—Alex’s stomach turned and flipped like the traitor it was.

The location they were filming at today was a regular one for the show, (they often filmed the parking lot scenes here) and the security guys in the building adjoining the parking lot knew her, so nobody tried to stop her when she entered the building and headed ten storeys up to the roof.

The solitude that greeted her when she stepped out at the top was very much welcome, and tears she had been valiantly holding back ever since the ambush upon her arrival welled in her eyes. With nobody around to judge her or question her, she finally let herself cry freely.

Each tear that was shed carried away some of the tension with it, and by the time she’d sat herself down against the low wall on the far side of the roof, she already felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders and carried away by the light breeze that was her sole companion this high up.

Sucking in deep cleansing breaths, she ran her hands through her hair and scrubbed at her face with her palms, wiping away the last traces (she hoped) of the tears. 

A trembling hand dug about in the pocket of her jeans until it found her phone, and she studied the screen for a moment before thumbing to her contacts and scrolling through the list.

Her thumb hovered over the name “Nia Nal” for a few agonizing seconds, before she changed her mind and hit the next one up in the list.

It was answered on the fourth ring. “Alex? Is everything okay?”

“Uh… I’m not sure, Mom. I, uh… well I just needed to hear your voice, really. And maybe get your advice? Is now a good time?”

“It’s always a good time, Sweetie. You know you can always talk to me.”

“Thanks.” The weight lifted just a little more, and Alex was finally able to loosen her shoulders. They’d been starting to ache from the tension, so it was a huge relief.

“So, not that I don’t enjoy my daughter calling me, but what’s going on? You said you needed some advice?”

“Yeah. I… uh… I told Kara this morning that I was fine. And I was. It wasn’t a lie. I was good this morning. Everything was good. And then I got to work and…”

“And?” Eliza prompted gently. 

“And I kind of got ambushed by a load of fans. They were harmless, just overeager. You know how people get. But it was a lot. Like a lot , a lot. And… I dunno, Mom. I’m not sure I can do this.” Alex’s free hand ran through her hair again. 

Movement out of the corner of her eye made her turn towards the door on the far side of the roof. It was closed, but the light click of the latch suggested that it had only just closed. Whoever the retreating figure was, they had chosen to give her the privacy she craved. And for that, Alex was grateful.

She shook her head as she got to her feet and slowly started to pace, pinching the bridge of her nose as she carried on with her explanation. “There’s so much stress with this whole thing. Kara’s doing her best to try and protect me. I know she’s really trying, and I love her for it, but I’m worried that it’s not enough. I’m… I’m scared it’s gonna happen again, Mom. And I don’t know what to do.”

Eliza was quiet. Too quiet. Alex checked that the call hadn’t disconnected. It hadn’t. “Mom?”

“Have you called Nia?”

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I think you’d best call her. If you’re worried about having another breakdown, she’ll be able to give you the best help and advice. She might be able to suggest some new meds for you to try as well. That might help.”

“Okay.” Alex squeezed the back of her neck, willing more of the tension out of her body. “Yeah, okay. You’re right. I’ll call her and make an appointment. I just… I just feel like I’m letting you down every time I have to do that, though. I should be stronger than this. I should be able to—" 

“Alexandra Danvers, stop that right now. Don’t you dare, for one second, ever think that you’re a disappointment to me. Don’t you ever think that I could ever be disappointed in you for asking for help. Asking for help when you’re struggling isn’t a weakness, Alex. It’s the strongest thing a person can do. And I am so proud of you.”

Alex’s bottom lip trembled as she sucked in a sharp breath. “Really?”

“Really. I am proud of you, Alex. Call Nia, get her to help you, and if you need me to come and be with you, all you have to do is ask. I promise.”

Alex palmed away a lone tear that trailed down her cheek. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll, uh, I’ll call you, yeah? When I’ve called Nia?”

“Only if you want to, Sweetie. Don’t think that you have to, for my sake. Do whatever it is that you need to do to feel better. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mom. Thanks.”

Ending the call with Eliza, Alex held her phone to her chest for a moment as she walked back over to the edge of the roof and looked down. The production crew was scurrying about down below like a colony of ants. So tiny and insignificant from up here. It was funny how some distance made everything seem small. If only her own problems could be shrunk down just as easily.

Stepping away from the edge, she scrolled through her contacts again until she came to Nia’s name. She dialed and waited for her second call of the morning to connect. “Hi, Nia Nal’s office please. It’s Alex Danvers. I need her help.”

Chapter Text

Shooting a TV show was orchestrated chaos, and sometimes, the chaos to orchestration ratio was off. The first scene of the day was supposed to be between Jules and Rosa, but while Maggie was going over her lines, Lena Luthor stomped over to Max and they had words. Though only a few of them were clear enough to make out - like ‘amateur’, ‘knuckle-dragging’, and ‘kiss my ass’- the tone was clearly less than friendly.

In the end, though Max glowered at her back as Lena strolled away, the quick addition of, “Remember who’s paying you,” seemed to have done the trick. Without any further explanation, they were changing sets, and Maggie was being slipped a different part of the script to review.

Good thing she prepped religiously every night.

With this change to the shooting order, Alex wasn’t needed for the next few scenes, as Jules didn’t appear in them. Rosa was sharing a couple of scenes with the other characters, and if it hadn’t been for the quick order change today, Alex wouldn’t even be on set yet. 

As she was getting ready for the bar scene with Jules that was taking place just down the road, however, and there was still no sign of Alex, Maggie did start to get worried. 

“Hey, you seen Danvers?” she asked Winn as he stood on the bartop adjusting some lights above her. “And don’t you dare drop anything on me.”

“Ha! As if I would,” Winn chuckled. Then he faltered. “Actually, I totally would by accident. You might want to stand back.”

“So, have you seen her?” Maggie asked as she paid heed to his warning and took several steps back.

“You mean Alex, right? Not Kara?”

Right. There were two Danvers siblings on set, though only one of them belonged in front of the camera.

“Yeah, Alex. She should be here by now.”

“She’s probably just in make-up,” Winn said as he jumped down lightly to land behind the bar, then leaned on it with one elbow. “So what’s a nice gal like you doing in a place like this?”

“Oh, my God,” Maggie laughed, shaking her head. “Leave the acting to the professionals.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he chuckled with a sloppy salute before gathering up his tools and heading off. 

“Alright, places everyone!” Max Lord called out as he took the seat behind the camera. 

“Wait!” Maggie spun to face him. “We’re missing—" 

“Danvers, get your ass in place now!” Max hollered to someone behind Maggie. She spun on the spot again and let out a breath of relief.

“Cutting it a bit close there, weren’t you?” she hissed as Alex took a seat at the bar beside her.

“Sorry. Had some stuff to sort out.”

“Background!” 

The bar came to life around them as the extras set the scene. 

“Everything okay?” Maggie leaned a little closer to Alex.

“Yeah.” Alex’s smile was bright. Too bright. “Everything’s fine. You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Maggie nodded.

“And action!”

“So, you got put forward for the Sergeant’s exam, huh?” Rosa asked before taking a sip from her beer bottle.

“Captain Larson said he was putting my name forward for it, yeah.” Jules nodded as the bartender placed a beer on the mat in front of her. 

Silence descended upon the pair, but it wasn’t their usual comfortable silence. This quiet was unnatural, awkward and filled with tension. Rosa sipped her beer, Jules sipped hers. Eventually, Rosa set her beer back on the bar and turned to give Jules her full attention. “So, you gonna do it? ”

“I…” Jules set her own bottle down and shook her head. “I mean I want to. But…”

“You should.” Rosa turned back to face forward, her eyes on the beer she was holding in her hands. “I’ll find another partner. You go be a sergeant.”

“Please don’t be like that.”

“Be like what?” Rosa shrugged. “I’m not being like anything.”

“Come on, Rosa,” Jules said. 

Instead of replying, Rosa picked at the label on the bottle until her hand was stilled. Her gaze moved from Jules’ hand, tugging hers away from the beer, to soft brown eyes and a smile far too gentle for someone who had ‘ass-kicker’ in their job description.

“Don’t shut me out, please?” Jules asked. “You and me, there’s something special—”

“Excuse me. Is this seat taken?” A guy in a leather jacket appeared on Rosa’s other side. As quickly as he showed up, Jules retreated.

“Nope.” Rosa didn’t look at him. She just took another sip of her beer. “Neither are any of the other empty seats in this place. Maybe you should try one of them.”

“Heh, you’ve got a sense of humor. I like that. Let me buy you a drink.”

Rosa waved her bottle of beer. “Got one, thanks.”

“Then let me take you out to dinner.”

“Not hungry.”

“Hey, come on, I’m trying to ask you out here.”

“I noticed.”

Rosa looked up at the mirror on the opposite wall. Her reflection scowled back whilst Jules studied her own hands intently, the corners of her lips tugging in an effort to keep from smiling.

“So how about it? A pretty lady like you, I’ll treat you like a queen. And what’s a queen without her king?”

“Historically speaking,” Rosa said, without looking at him, “more powerful.”

On her other side, Jules lost it and choked on her drink. The guy held his hands up and backed away, admitting defeat. 

“Yeah, I’m not taking the sergeant’s exam,” Jules said at last. “I’d miss your sarcasm way too much.”

“Well, there’s something we can agree on,” Rosa chuckled, holding out her beer bottle. Jules clinked hers against it as their eyes met and— 

“Cut!”

Alex cleared her throat as she set her bottle down again. “Good thing there was only water in here. Poor Jude was almost wearing it.” 

Maggie smirked as she set down her own bottle of iced tea masquerading as beer. “Yeah, the original line was a bit… alright a lot crappy, so I changed it. You can thank my ex for that new line.”

“Your ex boyfriend used to say that?”

“Boyfriend?” Maggie chuckled. Living in liberal southern California, it was much less common for anyone, at least a woman, to assume she was straight, but it still happened… unfortunately. “Nah, that’s not my lane. It was my ex-girlfriend, Emily.”

Alex spluttered, and her cheeks colored. “You… you dated a woman?”

“Lots of them,” Maggie nodded. “I’m gay. I think that's why the writers made Rosa gay too. They knew I could easily play the part.”

The phrase ‘you could have knocked her over with a feather’ was very, very appropriate for Alex right about then. She stumbled over her words more than once before at last she managed to stammer out, “Well, that’s… I mean… wow. Gay. You’re… so you… and you just… you just came right out and told me. Just like that. You’re gay. So you… You decided—" 

“Decided?” Maggie flipped through the rolodex in her head, the one that had readied responses for words like ‘choice’ and ‘lifestyle’ when used regarding her sexual orientation. Having an argument, on set, with the show’s lead could be career suicide, but keeping silent on this issue had led to literal death for too many for Maggie to bite her tongue. “I didn’t decide anything, Danvers. This is just who I am. Is that a problem?”

“What? No.” Wide-eyed, Alex shook her head. She leaned a bit closer, tongue hypnotically wetting her lips despite the topic of discussion. “I know it’s not a choice. I just meant you decided to tell people, like everyone, right?”

“Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Well, it’s just—”

“Hey, Alex?” Kara touched her sister on the shoulder, and Alex shot up off the barstool like a scalded cat.

“What?! I wasn’t doing anything!”

Kara raised an eyebrow. “Huh. O-kay. They want you in makeup. Is something wrong?”

Alex shook her head quickly. "What could be wrong? I'm fine, perfectly normal. Stop asking me so many questions. Let's go."

Maggie and Kara shared a look, as Alex hurried off, before Maggie asked, “Was it something I said?

“I honestly have no idea.” Kara shrugged, before turning to hurry after her sister.

Maggie flexed her hand as Kara trailed after Alex. The touch from Alex’s hand on hers at the bar still lingered and likely would for the rest of the day. It was the bomb scene all over again, a reminder that Alex Danver’s absence was nearly as strong as her presence.

Unfortunately, rain put a hold on their next set of outdoor scenes that were due to be filmed. So production was moved back to the studio set down the road for some interior scenes in Jules and Rosa’s apartments.

Because Alex had still been in makeup when Maggie had been asked to make her way back, she’d texted Alex to let her know what was going on.

Maggie: Hey, we’re moving to set B apparently. They need to get it ready so we have some time. Want to go over lines while we wait?

The reply was almost instantaneous.

Alex: Sure. Your trailer in five?

Maggie should have known the reply was too quick when, twenty minutes later as the scene was almost set up and ready, there was still no sign of Alex. Nobody had seen her, and Maggie was more than a little pissed that she’d been apparently blown off by the redhead with no warning, no reason and no explanation. If, for whatever reason, Alex hadn’t wanted to do it, she should have just said so!

A familiar blonde bobbed through the crew and Maggie ran to catch up. “Kara! Kara, wait up!”

“Oh, hey, Maggie,” Kara smiled. 

“Have you seen your sister? She and I were supposed to be going over our lines, but she never showed.”

“Oh, yeah, about that.” Kara fiddled with one arm of her glasses before sliding them back up her nose again. She had many tells, Maggie had learned over the past few weeks, and this was one of them. Though Maggie still wasn’t quite sure what it meant, it never came with good news.

“What about it? Where’s Alex?”

“She just got held up with stuff, that’s all. I’m sure she’s sorry.”

“What stuff? Where is she? Nobody’s seen her since we left the outdoor set.”

“She’ll be here.” Kara patted Maggie’s shoulder in an extremely patronizing manner. “Don’t worry.”

Oh, Maggie wasn’t worried. She was livid. Kara was clearly playing at being a roadblock, but for what reason, Maggie couldn’t… well actually she could guess. But she didn’t want to believe it. Even in Hollywood, where the gays were as common as cat hair on a lesbian’s clothes, homophobia still existed.

Always one to err on the side of optimism, Maggie decided there must be a perfectly logical and reasonable explanation for everything.

When Alex did eventually turn up for the scene (and was shouted at by Max again for being late), she brushed off Maggie’s questions about her disappearance, barely responded to anything else that was said to her and was back to being standoffish. 

And it wasn’t just Alex having a bad day, either. The next week passed in pretty much the same way, with Alex devolving back into the person she’d been at the beginning of the show when Maggie had first met her.

Maggie tried, on three separate occasions, to discuss it with Alex. After all, they had made great progress before. Whatever this hiccup was, there was no reason they couldn’t discuss it like adults.

It would prove easier said than done. 

The few times when Kara wasn’t running interference, Alex would come on set, film her scenes and then leave again without a word. All that progress that she had made, that Maggie had witnessed… all gone. Which was both curious and more than a little insulting too, considering her attitude had changed only after she’d found out Maggie was gay. 

Maggie couldn't take the words back. And even if she could, she wouldn’t. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to apologize for being herself, either. 

Jeez. Now what was she supposed to do? 

Chapter Text

In the immortal words of pretty much every Star Wars character at some point or other, Alex had ‘a very bad feeling about this’ as she walked up the stairs. 

Lena Luthor, who had invested her own personal money into the production and didn’t suffer fools gladly, had summoned Alex to her office. 

Nobody ever got summoned to the Producer’s office for anything other than bad news, and it was all Alex could do to stop her hand from trembling as she reached out to knock on the door. 

Every possible bad scenario crashed about in her mind, along with a million different reasons for what she could possibly have done wrong.

Shit.

The door opened, and James smiled down at her. Despite the fact he was over six feet and towered above most people, he was the epitome of a gentle giant and had taken care of Alex from day one. She appreciated it, but she’d never really let him know. Maybe she might have just enough time before she was fired. Should she say something to him now? Should she—

“Relax,” he smiled gently, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Come on in. It’s nothing bad. I promise.”

“Then why is he here?” Alex asked quietly, nodding to Max Lord who was helping himself to a glass of scotch from Lena’s drinks cabinet.

“A formality,” James said, as he ushered her in and closed the door behind her. “Lena’s just taking a call in the other room. She’ll be with us shortly.”

“Ah, Miss Danvers,” Max said as he turned to lean against the counter with his generous helping of scotch nursed in one hand. “How nice of you to finally show up.”

“Come on, man, cut her some slack.” James walked over to the large table in the center of the room and pulled out a chair. The office was large enough that it could seat eight people at the table comfortably. “We’ve all been under a lot of pressure lately. Having such a small budget doesn’t make things easy.”

Max pulled out a chair opposite James, but where James sat with a casual ease, Max remained standing as he fixed Alex with a pointed stare across the table. “We’ve only got a small budget because of her.”

“Max.” James scowled.

 Alex glared right back at him. “If you’ve called me here just to snipe at me, Max—"

Before Max could reply, a door to the side opened, and Lena stepped out, dressed in a burgundy pantsuit that screamed ‘I mean business’. “We haven’t. Please, Miss Danvers. Have a seat.”

“Speak for yourself,” Max grumbled, making no effort to lower his voice as he finally sat down.

James pulled out a seat beside him and patted it. After a moment’s hesitation, Alex sat whilst Lena took a seat beside Max and laid some paperwork on the table.

“That’s enough, Max. Thank you for coming, Alex.” Lena folded her hands elegantly on the table in front of her. “This won’t take long. I appreciate we all have a busy schedule, so I won’t keep you. I just wanted to make you aware of a few last minute changes to the script.” She pushed the pieces of paper across the table to Alex, who picked them up gingerly. It was the script for the final episode of the season with a big, bold ‘REVISED’ stamp across the top. “There’s nothing major being changed so don’t worry. There’s just a few minor tweaks to a couple of lines at the start and a rewrite of one or two scenes towards the end.”

“Page twenty, I think,” James supplied as Alex started to leaf through the revised script, looking for said changes. They had been highlighted, and as soon as she saw the first highlight, her blood ran cold.

“I believe you’re aware of a certain trend that has started within the fanbase?” Lena carried on matter-of-factly as Alex fought with everything she had to keep a straight face that wouldn’t betray her inner panic.

“I can’t believe we’re pandering to them,” Max said, taking a large gulp of his scotch.

“It’s come to my attention that a lot of people are of the opinion that Jules and Rosa should be together,” Lena carried on, not even looking at Max. “I believe their ship name is Otters?”

“It is,” James confirmed.

“Ridiculous name for a ridiculous idea.”

“Yes thank you, Max!” Lena snapped, her composure cracking for just an instant. “I think we all know where you stand on this matter. However, be that as it may, the show is popular. The ratings are much higher than we’d anticipated, and with our budget, we cannot afford to go against the viewers or their wishes. If we want to keep this show alive, then we have to keep that ship afloat. Which is why we’ve decided to rewrite the final scenes of the last episode, to give the fans what they want.”

“And next you’ll be telling us all we’re hiring a bunch of fanfiction writers to write the scripts for us too!”

“If we get picked up for a second season and that’s what it takes, then we just might.” Lena sat back in her chair. “So, Alex. You’ve been quiet so far. What are your thoughts?”

“You’re… you’re going to make Jules and Rosa… they’re going to… together?” Alex cleared her throat as she skimmed through the script until she reached page twenty. There, in a big block of yellow, was the amended scene that Lena had referred to. 

They’d kept the kiss. Only it wasn’t with Captain Greg Larson anymore.

Alex closed her eyes to focus on her breathing and slow her pounding heart. However, all she could see was Maggie’s face with those incredible dimples and full red lips, the way Maggie’s mouth curled up at the corners when she shot off a particularly cunning bit of snark, Maggie’s tongue snaking out between lines in a way that had lost Alex her place on more than one occasion.

Alex’s eyes flew open, and though the images faded, the thoughts remained.

Fuck.

Jules was still going to get a love interest, but it wasn’t her captain. It was with her buddy. She and Rosa were going to kiss. They were going to be a couple.

“Alex?” Lena sat forward, her hands steepling in front of herself again. “Is everything alright?”

“This… it’s not…” Alex cleared her throat. Then cleared it again. “I didn’t… I thought she and Greg…?”

“That was originally the intention, yes. But we’ve run a couple of polls and surveys for marketing purposes, and it seems that Rosa is much more favorable. In fact, she dominated the votes with 64%. We simply cannot afford to ignore it. We’ve all seen what happens to shows that ignore their fans. Their ratings drop, and the show is eventually canceled. If we’re to avoid that and get renewed for a second season, we need to do everything we can to ensure we keep our viewers happy. If that includes making a few changes like this one, I don’t see the harm in it.”

“I think it’s a good idea,” James added. 

“I think it’s a horrible idea,” Max countered. 

“I think…” Alex cleared her throat again. “I… want to see my contract. Please?”

Lena frowned. “Whatever for?”

Max sat back in his chair with a smug grin. “See, I told you she wouldn’t do it.”

“Alex, if you have concerns about what’s going to happen…” Lena started as James set a glass of water down in front of Alex. She grabbed it up and downed half the glass, desperate to buy herself some time.

“Can I think about it?” she managed at last.

“We need to inform Maggie about it as well,” James said calmly as he placed a hand on Alex’s trembling arm. “There’s time. And if you have any concerns, now would be the time to speak them so that we can get them sorted sooner rather than later.”

“I need to think about it,” Alex said as she pushed her chair back and stood quickly. “Thank you for letting me know. I’ll… I’ll see myself out.”

Without waiting for any further replies, she hurried for the door, tugged it open, and stepped out - straight into Maggie.

“Fuck!”

“Whoa, easy there, Danvers.” Maggie blinked. “Where’s the fire?” 

“I have to go!” Alex spluttered, the warmth from the brief contact with Maggie’s body lingering even after Alex nearly leaped back. Stepping past Maggie, Alex all but ran back down the stairs. She collided with Kara at the bottom and almost knocked them both into a rack of lighting. 

“Hey!” Kara was the first to right herself, grabbing Alex to steady her as well. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t do this.” Alex barely bit back a sob as she pressed her copy of the script into Kara’s hands. “I need to get out. There must be some clause in my contract or something that says I can get out, right?

“Shhhh, don’t say that out loud,” Kara hissed and grabbed Alex’s arm. She dragged Alex back to the trailer, pushed her inside, and then followed her, closing the door so that they were alone. “What’s going on?”

“They’ve changed the script!” Alex exclaimed, pacing back and forth as she ran both hands through her hair.

“Okay,” Kara nodded. “And you don’t like the changes?”

“No! No, I don’t! But it’s what the fans want, and they’re pretty much giving it to them! I don’t have a choice! My only choice is to get out. To leave.”

“Let’s not be hasty,” Kara said, as she sat at the small table and opened the script, leafing through it until she came to the large block of yellow on page twenty. She read through it, and her face dropped. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, pointing to the script before she resumed her pacing again, hands threading through her hair in agitation. “That!”

“Oh.” Kara heaved a heavy sigh, lowered the script, and met her sister’s gaze. “Maybe this is for the best. You could just—”

“No.” Alex rounded on her sister. “No, don’t you dare try and talk me into this!”

“Alex, calm down. It’s really not that bad. I mean, you’ve done worse.” Kara shrugged. “What about when you were in that James Bond film and they suspended you off that bridge in, where was it? New Zealand?”

“Auckland Harbour Bridge.” Alex nodded. “Upside down. My stunt double had food poisoning, and they couldn’t get anyone else at such short notice, so I had to do it.”

“Right. And you hated it, but you still did it. And how about those three days you spent in the Caribbean for that pirate film, Black Flag. The one with the sharks? You hate sharks, but you still did that too.”

“What’s your point, Kara?”

“My point is - come here.” Kara patted the other seat at the table. Alex reluctantly flopped into it, and Kara took her hand. “My point is, you hated those things and tried to get out of them too. But you still did them. You overcame your fears, and you did them anyway. This is nothing compared to those things. This is just one little kiss. That’s all it is. And it’s probably going to be just as awkward for Maggie as it is for you, so you’re not gonna be alone. You can both laugh about it after, and everything will be fine.”

“Maggie’s gay!” Alex hadn’t meant to blurt it out, and very much wished she could take the words back as soon as she’d said them. But it was too late.

“Oh.” Kara nudged her glasses back up her nose again. Then she sat up and nodded. “Doesn’t matter. It’s just a kiss. Lots of actors kiss each other. Doesn’t matter who they are or who they’re kissing, it’s just part of the job. But it’s not real. It’s just pretend. You spend your whole career pretending to do things, to be different people. This is no different.”

“Yeah, it won’t be real for Maggie,” Alex hurriedly added, “for either of us.” She let out a defeated sigh, deflating into the chair. “You’re right. It’s not real. It’s just a job. Of course, you’re right. I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Kara reassured as she gave Alex’s hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re just a bit more sensitive than everyone else, and sometimes, you need a gentle reminder about this sort of thing. Which is where I come in.” She smiled patiently. “Look. How about you give it a go, film the scene, and if it’s still not right, if you’re still not happy, then I’ll talk to Lena about getting the script changed back to how it was originally. Okay?”

“Okay,” Alex mumbled quietly. “Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I have a hug?”

“Of course, you can. Come here, silly.” As Kara held her arms out, Alex all but collapsed into them, craving the warmth and the comfort and the safety of her sister’s arms, like a security blanket. When she was with Kara, everything seemed just that little bit better, that little bit brighter.

It was just a shame that Kara couldn’t always be there.

Chapter Text

“So, you and the Captain seem pretty close.” Rosa climbed from her cruiser and slammed the door.

“Greg? Yeah, he’s a great guy.” Jules was a bit more gentle when she closed the passenger door.

“Hmmm. He must be if you’re on first name terms with him.” Rosa stuffed the keys in her pocket and started for the door at the far end of the parking lot.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jules, who had until that moment been right beside her, had now paused, folding her arms across her chest.

“Nothing.” Rosa stopped as well. She shrugged. “It’s just an observation.”

“Yeah, and I’m wondering where the hell it’s coming from.”

“I’m just saying.” Rosa started to walk again, and Jules jogged to catch up. “People are talking, so whatever you’re doing, remember that you have an audience.

“Hey!” Jules snapped, grabbing Rosa’s shoulder and stopping her. “What do you mean ‘I have an audience’? What the hell do you think I’m doing that I would be worried about people knowing about it?”

“Look, the talk around the squad room is…” Rosa paused, mouth twisting uncomfortably before she sighed. “Forget it. Just forget I said anything.”

“No.” Jules stepped in Rosa’s path. “Are there rumors about me? About me and the captain?”

“I… Yeah.”

“But you shut them down? You’re my partner. You have my back, and you shut them down, right?” When Rosa shrugged, Jules threw her hands in the air. “I can’t believe this. How am I supposed to trust you?”

“Whoa, hey, slow down there. You’re the one who’s been meeting with the captain on personal time. Ramirez saw you two having a cup of coffee at that bagel shop on 5th.”

“That was business.”

“Outside the precinct house, at 6 AM, with you wearing the same clothes you wore the day before?” Rosa shook her head. “Look, Ramirez can’t find his ass with both hands, but it doesn’t take some kind of super detective to put those pieces together.”

“It was work.” Jules glanced around and lowered her voice. “I was on a stakeout the night before, so I hadn’t gone to bed yet, but… Look, I can’t tell you what we were doing, but it was work. Just… trust me.”

“It didn’t seem like work.”

Jules pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “You know what? I don’t have time for this. And I don’t have time for your petty schoolgirl jealousy. We’ve got a killer to catch.”

“Schoolgirl jealousy? You think I’m jealous?”

“I dunno. Are you? Because it sure as hell seems like you are from where I’m standing.”

“This has nothing to do with my feelings for you or anyone else. I have gone out on a limb for you I don't know how many times, Scott. I’ve covered for you, against my best interests, easily a dozen times.” Rosa stepped closer, well into Jules’ personal space. “This time, you need to give me something if I’m going to put my neck on the line for you again.”

Jules swallowed hard and mumbled something.

“What?” Rosa stepped closer, her fingers brushing Jules’ hand. “Look, if you’re in some kind of trouble, I—”

“Don’t touch me!” Alex pushed Maggie away none too gently.

Stumbling three steps back, Maggie regained her footing and glanced over at the crew. While Max flipped through the script, James stayed steadily by the camera, his hand rolling, indicating she should follow Alex’s ad-lib. Sigh. It was going to be one of those days of shooting.

“Okay, relax,” Maggie said. “I wasn’t going to hurt you. You worried I’ve got cooties or something?”

“No, I just don’t want to be touched by—” Alex swallowed hard, whatever she was going to say next washed away with the gesture, but the unspoken words hit Maggie like a brick.

“This is because I’m gay, isn’t it.” Maggie frowned. 

“What? No!” The look of surprise on Alex’s face could have been funny if Maggie wasn’t so wound up and lost in her own anger. 

“It is. I told you I was gay, and you’ve been freaked out ever since.”

“It’s not that! I just—" 

“You’re what? Worried I might be into you or something? Because trust me, right now you’re the last person I’d ever have feelings for!” As soon as she’d said it, Maggie knew she’d crossed a line. The look on Alex’s face as she stumbled and floundered said it all. “Shit. Shit, I didn’t mean that.”

Alex took a deep breath. “I have a lot going on right now. I can’t deal with this on top of everything else!”

And just like that, Maggie’s anger flared again. “I’m sorry that my being gay is an inconvenience for you!”

“I don’t care if you’re gay!” Alex snapped, and Maggie took a step back as Alex jabbed a finger in her direction. “I literally could not give a shit about that! You do whatever the fuck you like if it makes you happy! This isn’t about that!”

“Then what the fuck is it about?!”

“I can’t!” Alex threw her hands in the air, then began to pace, as her hands moved to the back of her head instead. “I can’t tell you! I wish I could! I really do! But I can’t!”

“Why can’t you?” Maggie challenged.

“Because it’s personal, alright?! I just… I just can’t. I have to go.”

“Go where? Where are you going?!”

Alex didn’t answer. She walked off the set, pushed her way through the fire exit doors and didn’t look back.

“Cut!” Max yelled from behind the camera. He was still leafing through his copy of the script, getting more and more frantic with every turn of the page. “What the hell was that? Am I missing a page in this damned thing? Somebody please tell me what’s going on!”

Maggie didn’t have time for his tantrum. She was still reeling from the fact that she’d just had a huge argument with Alex. A huge and very real argument. Spotting a familiar blonde coming through the same doors that Alex had gone through, Maggie ran over to her. “Kara? Kara! You seen your sister?”

“I was coming to ask you the same thing,” Kara said as she looked all around. “I heard yelling. Where’s Alex? What happened?”

“We were filming an argument between Rosa and Jules, but it… it kind of got real.” 

Kara blinked. “You and Alex argued for real… on film?”

“Um… yeah.” Maggie shrugged helplessly. “It started off like it was supposed to, but then Alex went off script, so I thought she’d maybe just forgotten her lines and was ad libbing. She wasn’t. Things got pretty real after that.”

“Shit.” Kara never swore. In all the time Maggie had known her, she’d never known Kara to say anything more severe than the occasional “crap” or “damn”. The fact Kara had just said an actual, proper curse word was unprecedented. And more than a little alarming. “And then she walked off the set?”

“Uh huh.” Maggie nodded.

“Ugh!” Kara threw her arms up in a scarily accurate impression of her sister. “It’s Roundtable Rival all over again! I’d better call Lena and start damage control. For God’s sake, Alex! When I find her, I’m going to…” Kara turned on her heel and stalked off, still muttering.

Maggie asked around for another half an hour or so, but no matter who she asked, it seemed nobody had seen Alex, or had any idea of where she might be. She wasn’t in her trailer, she wasn’t in Sam’s makeup trailer. She wasn’t in the refreshment area, or in the parking lot. She wasn’t in Lena’s office - though Maggie didn’t venture too close after hearing Kara’s raised voice from inside. 

Having exhausted every other possible option, Maggie stepped outside and found her eyes turning up to the roof of the building adjoining the parking lot where they had been filming. 

There was still one place left she hadn’t checked.

<><>

It was a good thing Maggie wasn’t acrophobic. Ten storeys up with only a knee high ledge to stop a tumble right over the edge, it was enough to give anyone vertigo.

The wind whipped her hair across her face, and as she spat out a few strands and palmed away the rest, she finally spotted a certain redhead on the far side of the roof. With mixed emotions, and not really sure what to expect, Maggie started forward cautiously.

“Hey,” she called gently as she neared the other woman. 

Alex was sitting with her back to the low stone wall, her knees drawn up to her chest, her head buried in her arms. She didn’t look up as Maggie approached, though her shoulders hunched a little, the only indication that she’d acknowledged Maggie’s presence. 

“Danvers?” Maggie approached slowly. “What’s going on?”

Alex shook her head. 

Maggie paused beside her, debating what to do. On the one hand, this was Alex’s quiet place. Maggie had discovered that a few days earlier when she’d almost interrupted Alex’s phone call to her mother. 

Alex had come up here because she clearly wanted to be left alone, and judging by the fact nobody else knew where she was, this rooftop was Alex’s secret sanctuary. 

Maggie was intruding in her solitude again, only this time there was no chance of backing off and slipping quietly away, unseen. 

Alex was far from okay, however, and Maggie was worried about her. Their argument had been far too real. Alex hadn’t been acting. Admittedly, neither had Maggie, but there was definitely more to it, and Maggie could kick herself for not seeing the signs sooner.

“You, uh… you mind if I…?” 

Alex drew in a deep breath, then looked up at last, her eyes red and bloodshot. Oh crap. Crying was never a good sign. “Sure. Go ahead.”

“Thanks.” Maggie dropped down to sit with her back against the wall, close enough to Alex that she hoped it offered some small comfort but not so close as to invade her personal space. “You okay?”

“No.” It was an honest answer, honest enough to make Maggie’s head snap in Alex’s direction. Alex was an actress. She could have said any number of things, and Maggie would have believed her. Instead, Alex had gone for the cold, hard truth.

They sat in silence for a time – Alex sniffing and palming away the tears on her cheeks and Maggie picking at her thumb nail, trying to drum up the courage to say something. Anything. 

“I’m sorry.” Alex broke the silence. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“I kind of wish I knew what you were sorry for,” Maggie admitted, looking up. “Though for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. What happened back there, I shouldn’t have said the stuff I did. It got too real, and I wasn’t sure if you were just acting at first, but I let my emotions get the better of me. I let it get real, and I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It was real for me too,” Alex muttered. She sniffed again, but the tears had dried up now. She scrubbed at her face with both hands then let out a shuddering breath and leaned her head back against the wall. “You’re right. You deserve to know what’s going on. Only problem is, I don’t know where to start.”

“The beginning’s usually a good place.” Maggie managed a small smile. “Or maybe you could explain why Kara thinks this is Roundtable Rival all over again?”

Alex groaned, closing her eyes. “She thinks I’m going to quit again, walk away from the show and tank it.”

“Again? You mean… Roundtable Rival was canceled because you quit?”

“Yeah.”

“But… why? I don’t get it?” Maggie shifted a little so that she was facing Alex, her legs curled under herself and one shoulder leaned against the wall. “Was it because Ben cheated on you?”

Alex still had her eyes closed, but she laughed a humorless laugh. “Is that what people think happened?”

“You mean it’s not?”

“He and I were over long before I quit. He’s not the reason. The reason I quit is because…” Alex sucked in a deep breath, opened her eyes and looked straight at Maggie. “I had a nervous breakdown, not that the doctors call it that anymore. It all got too much for me. The fame, the celebrity status, the pressure, all of it. I couldn’t cope, and that show was my breaking point. Some people turn to drinking or drugs. Me? I… well I…” She swallowed. Hard.

Maggie reached out and took Alex’s hand gently, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “You don’t have to do this.”

“No, I want to. It’s just difficult.” Alex took another deep breath. Then another. “I struggled to get out of bed most days, and it just kept getting worse, to the point that I… well, I was suicidal. I came so close, several times. But as if having clinical depression isn’t bad enough, that’s when the GAD decided to join the party and really kick my ass.”

“GAD?” Maggie didn’t want to interrupt Alex’s open and honest moment, but if she was to understand what Alex was trying to tell her, then she needed to.

“Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I had my sister and the entire production company depending on me, and all I could think about was how I was the first domino, and if I went down, then I’d topple everyone. But in the end, I did go down, and as expected, everything toppled as a result. Which then pushed me even further into depression. Even now, if any little thing goes wrong, I think it's the beginning of it all crumbling again.”

Outside of her depth and not having any words of comfort, all Maggie could do was grip Alex's hand and relish the warmth as Alex held on just as tightly. 

“But… but you got better, right? I mean, you’re not still… are you?” Maggie asked at last, cringing at how feeble her own voice sounded.

Alex shook her head. “I’m not better. I’ll never be cured. There is no cure. All I can do is see my therapist regularly and keep on a stable regime of meds: Xanax for the anxiety and fluoxetine for the depression. Up until recently, the balance had been fine. And then… and then the whole Otters stuff happened, and it pushed me out of the healthy range. It unbalanced me, and I’ve been struggling ever since.”

“The fan ship thing did that to you?” Maggie couldn’t quite follow. “How come?”

“Because the show caved under fan pressure. Which I was afraid it would do.”

Maggie tamped down the flare of anger, clearing her throat instead. “Right. The gay storyline. Is that what the argument was about earlier?”

“I’m sorry.” Alex nodded. “Though I meant what I said. It’s not about you being gay. It was never about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about… it’s about the kiss. I can’t… I can’t do it. Ever since I found out about the whole Otter ship thing, I’ve been panicking that something like this might happen. Kara assured me that it meant nothing, but then I got called into the meeting to say the ending had been rewritten, and my worst fears came to life.”

Maggie opened her mouth to speak, but Alex cut across her before she could.

“The truth is, Maggie, I can’t pretend to kiss you. I’m not that good an actress.”

Maggie frowned. Huh? Was that supposed to make sense? “Don’t be silly. You’re one of the best actresses I’ve ever seen.”

Alex shook her head. “That’s not the problem. I can’t pretend to kiss you.”

Maggie’s frown deepened as she tried to grasp just what the other woman was saying. “But if you’re not pretending then…” Oh. Oh, there it was. Wow.

“Yeah,” Alex admitted, before biting her lip, which did absolutely nothing to help slow Maggie’s racing heart, at all.

“How—" Maggie’s voice cracked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “How long have you known?”

“How long have I known I’m gay?” Alex asked. “Since I was a teen.”

“That long?!” Maggie blinked, taken back by this statement. “But-but you and Ben! And all those other actors you dated!”

“Just an act. I never felt anything for any of them, and deep down, I think they always knew. It’s why my relationships never lasted that long. Ben was the exception, but he was a tool, in more than one way. He was using me for my fame just as much as I was using him to keep my cover intact.”

“Your cover?” There was way too much to unpack in all of this and still even more questions kept forcing their way to the front of Maggie’s mind. 

“It’s maybe not so bad these days, but back when I started out, being gay pretty much got you sidelined to the ‘camp friend’ or ‘token gay sidekick’ roles. More often than not, you’d be killed off, too. Nobody ever got the leading part if they were gay, and I was scared that that would happen to me too. I’d be stereotyped, shoved in a box and never cast in any other role again. So I kept quiet, played the part, went out with guys, and landed myself all those starring roles.” She laughed again, another humorless laugh. “And look where that got me. A couple of mental health disorders to add to the list of reasons why I’m broken.”

Maggie gripped Alex’s hand tighter, only now aware of the fact that they were still holding hands. Neither of them had let go. “You’re not broken. You know, when I first saw you all those years ago on tv, I thought you were perfect. And I had a huge crush on you. Then I met you. The real you. And I discovered that you’re not perfect.”

“Gee thanks.”

“Come on, nobody’s perfect. We all have our flaws. But seeing yours, hearing all this now, it’s made me realize that that crush never went away, even when I thought it had. If anything, not only did it never really go away, but it’s grown into something more. And I, for one, am not ashamed to admit it.”

It was a chancy admission, especially after their fight—which had better not end up in a blooper reel anywhere—and Alex sharing how scared she was to even poke a foot out of the closet, but today was a day for honesty. If Alex Danvers could do it, Maggie certainly wasn’t going to shy away. 

”You are beautiful, inside and out. You’re not broken. You’re unique. You’re strong. Who cares what anyone else thinks? And if you ever doubt that for one second, just remember what Dr. Seuss once said: ‘those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind’. This is your life, Danvers. You should live it the way you want to live it. Screw everyone else. You don’t owe them anything. But you owe it to yourself to be happy. Be your own leading lady.”

“Fuck,” Alex whispered as her free hand raised to cover her mouth, her eyes glittering with more tears. But when she moved her hand away to rest against her cheek instead, she was smiling. “You’re… you’re really good at this, you know?”

“That’s what she said.” Maggie couldn’t resist. 

Alex laughed, palming the tears from her eyes again. But even after the tears stopped, the laughter didn’t. “Thank you, Maggie.”

“No, thank you , Alex. For trusting me with all this. You didn’t have to tell me any of it, but I’m honored that you did. And I promise from now on, whatever you need me to do, whoever you need me to be, I’m there for you. You ever need back up?” Maggie thumbed towards her chest. “I’m back up.”

Alex leaned forwards, and Maggie leaned in as well and they hugged, each holding one another tightly. Alex’s perfume was delicate, subtle but utterly intoxicating, and Maggie knew that she’d not only fallen for this beautiful, brave, wonderful woman, she’d fallen hard.

“So, you ready to give the Otter shippers what they want?”

Alex sat back with a beautiful smile, her whiskey colored eyes sparkling, but with something other than her tears. “Yeah. Yeah I think I am.”

Chapter Text

“You’ve got this, Danvers.” Maggie’s voice echoed in Alex’s mind as she walked into the studio.

After a lengthy discussion about Alex’s needs, why she’d been acting the way she had ever since finding out Maggie was gay, and her feelings for Maggie, as well as Maggie’s feelings for her in return, Alex had finally let Maggie talk her down off the roof. She told Kara that she was taking the rest of the afternoon off and that she wanted to call a meeting first thing in the morning.

Kara hung her head, crestfallen, but begrudgingly agreed to make the arrangements. Alex couldn’t blame her sister for assuming the worst. Given Alex’s track record, even with Alex's assurances that it wasn’t a bad thing, it was a valid presumption. 

Now here she was, standing in front of the cast and crew, all sharing similar expressions of doubt. Most of them couldn’t look her in the eye. 

“Thank you all for coming,” she said as she stood before them, her eyes searching the crowd for… there she was. Maggie stood a little to one side beside Kara and Lena. When she caught Alex’s eye, she motioned to herself with both thumbs, then turned them into a double thumbs up, her meaning clear.

Alex wasn’t alone. She had backup.

With some much needed courage from Maggie’s simple, unspoken gesture, Alex continued. “I know what you’re all thinking, and to be honest, I don’t blame you. Given my track record, I’d be thinking the same if I was in your shoes. Yesterday, I walked off set in the middle of filming, and I owe you all an explanation. But first, let me just say this. I’m not walking away from this show. I’m not walking away from you all. And I am not quitting. Not this time.”

She paused as several murmurs broke out amongst the assembled crowd. The voices were hushed, mostly indistinguishable, but the smiles were enough encouragement for Alex to press on. 

“I also believe you all should know the truth about why I’ve been… well, difficult is an understatement, and I’ll be the first to admit that! So here it is. The truth is, I walked away from my last role because of mental health issues. I have clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder.”

Alex gave that a moment to settle in, waited while a low murmur passed through many within the group. She watched each face carefully, looking for signs of worry, or worse, sympathy.

“I struggle. I have good days, and I have bad days. But I am working very closely with my therapist to get myself back to a healthier place where I can manage these issues. That’s why I’m often late for work. I struggle to get up in the mornings. It’s not just a case of get up and go. Some days, I can do that, but most days, it takes a real effort for me to get up and actually do anything, let alone come to work and pretend to be someone completely different.”

There were even more murmurs, but this time, the looks she was receiving were a lot softer, gentled with understanding, even. Glancing towards Kara, who was watching her with undisguised curiosity, Alex raised an eyebrow. It was a silent question for her sister. Kara turned and said something to Maggie, who nodded. When Kara turned back, she was beaming, giving Alex her answer.

Alex grinned right back, even as she called out above the murmurs. “There is one more thing you should all know. And that’s the reason why I walked off set yesterday and caused all these doubts in the first place. I’m sure you’ve all heard by now about the whole Otters thing. Fans have been shipping Jules and Rosa since the very beginning and will finally be getting their wish. Otters will become canon as of the season finale. And that thought terrified me! So much so that I couldn’t do it. I’d been panicking that this day would come, that I would have to stand in front of hundreds of people, knowing that thousands, perhaps even millions of people would also see it at some point, and I would have to kiss another woman. So when that day finally came, I freaked! And before you say anything!” She held up a hand to quell the protests that had already started, “I am not homophobic! I am not against the LGBTQ+ community… I’m part of it!”

Oh yeah, that stopped the protests alright. 

In silence so loud you could hear a pin drop, Alex cleared her throat then continued. “I’m gay. And I was terrified of filming that scene because I was terrified of outing myself. But, thanks to some very sage advice from a very wise woman, I realized the fear of what would happen if I lived my truth was nothing compared to the damage I was causing myself with my own internalized homophobia. I’m not scared any more. I am proud of who I am. I’m Alex Danvers. I have mental health issues. And I am gay.”

“So’s half of Hollywood!” someone called out. It elicited a few laughs, and the bubble of fear that had risen quickly burst as people laughed with Alex, not at her.

“We love you Alex!” someone else called out. One by one, people started to express their love and support for her, and each comment brought forth a warm, fuzzy feeling inside her that she had not felt in a very long time. It was a feeling of support, security and the comfort that came with it. And more importantly it was a feeling of acceptance. She wasn’t being shunned or ostracized as she had been so terrified and convinced she would be. She was being praised and welcomed, supported and loved.

Movement to the side of the room caught her eye, and she glanced across to see Max and Lena in a heated (albeit quiet and mostly one sided) debate. Max was gesturing wildly in Alex’s direction, but for all his animated gestures, Lena was perfectly calm, arms folded across her chest, one eyebrow arched, her face otherwise unreadable as she interjected every now and then with a few words of her own. 

When it seemed like Max had finally wound down and was coming to the end of his tirade, Lena’s lips moved to form two words.

“What?!” Max’s explosion brought silence to the room for the second time in a few minutes and in unison, everyone turned in his and Lena’s direction.

Lena held her head high, her voice carrying clearly across the room, as she said, “You’re fired, Max. Leave my studio and don’t come back.”

Max blustered and argued his way out of the studio, escorted by security and a round of applause from the crowd. Alex wasn’t entirely sure what she’d just witnessed, but she certainly wasn’t going to complain.

“Alex,” Lena greeted with a smile, as she walked over, followed by James, Maggie and Kara.

“Miss Luthor,” Alex said with a nod.

“What you did was very brave. And it definitely explains a lot. I’m sorry that you had to go through it alone up until now.”

“Ahem.” Kara fiddled with her glasses, and Lena chuckled.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through it mostly alone. But we’re all here for you now, and if you ever need anything, please come to me. I can assure you, we look out for each other around here. Anything you need, anything at all, just let me know.”

“Thank you, Miss Luthor.”

“Please, call me Lena.” With a warm smile, Lena turned on her heel. “James, let’s head back to my office to discuss your change of title. Kara, it seems you and I have a lot to discuss as well.”

“Yup, coming.” Kara bobbed her head once, then turned back to Alex and Maggie. “Are you guys gonna be okay?”

“We’re better than okay,” Alex agreed, slipping her hand into Maggie’s. They melded together, a perfect fit, like they were made for each other.

<><>

“Come on, Rosa, where are you? Where are you?” Jules ran through the many twists and turns of the storage warehouse, flashlight held up, beam lighting the way, as she searched frantically. “Rosa?! Rosa!”

How could she have been so stupid?! How could she have let Rosa go off alone like that?! If anything happened to her now…

“Come on, this has to be the place!” Jules took another corner too quickly, stumbled and almost fell, but managed to right herself and carried on, booted feet pounding on concrete, her footsteps echoing in the huge building. She held her radio up and said, “Anything?”

“Negative,” one of the uniformed officers replied almost immediately.

“West side of the building is all clear,” another one confirmed.

“Offices are all clear, too. No sign of her.”

“Damn it!” Jules thrust the radio back onto her belt, rounded another corner around a stack of huge wooden crates, and skidded to a halt. She  fumbled with the radio. “Found her! South corner of the eastern warehouse! Get those EMTs here now!”

As she ran towards the huge tank of water, the body bobbing just below the surface, eerily still and lifeless, Jules cast about for something to break the glass with. Her fingers snatched a crowbar from a crate as she streaked past, and she hurled herself at the glass with all her might, pounding away furiously with the crowbar until finally, a spider’s web cracked and spread across the surface. Water sprayed from between the cracks, and with one last desperate swing, Jules jumped back as a deluge of water cascaded out along with Rosa’s lifeless body.

Jules was on her knees in an instant, cradling the detective’s head in her lap and urgently feeling for a pulse. A few terrifying seconds passed, and Jules was just about to lay the other woman down to start CPR, when Rosa coughed and spluttered, spewing up a mouthful of water as her eyes flickered open.

“You held on!” Jules sobbed tears of relief as she cradled Rosa’s freezing cold body, sharing the warmth of her own body, as Rosa clung to her for dear life.

“I… I held on…” Rosa gasped. 

Jules tugged off her leather jacket and wrapped it around Rosa then pulled her in close for another hug. “I’m so sorry, Rosa. I’m so sorry I left you.”

“At least… at least you found me again.” Rosa gently pushed back with one hand, so that she could look Jules in the eyes. “I knew you’d come.”

“Always,” Jules agreed. “Ride or die, remember?”

Warmth blossomed in Alex’s chest, sparks igniting as Maggie leaned in close, their lips brushing together tentatively for the first time. The smell of Maggie’s perfume lingering on her skin, despite her brief submersion in water, with the soft, peachy scent of her conditioner was dizzying. 

Butterflies danced in Alex’s stomach as their gentle kisses deepened, the warmth consuming her as she leaned into the kiss, Maggie’s lips impossibly soft against her own.

At the far end of the warehouse, uniformed officers burst in, flashlights lighting up the room and their shouts echoing as they called to one another.

“And cut!” Sara Lance’s voice called out from somewhere.

With one last, final, tender kiss pressed to Maggie’s lips, Alex pulled back but only far enough that they could rest their foreheads together. 

“Wow,” Maggie breathed. 

“Yeah.” Alex grinned as she gazed deeply into Maggie’s eyes. Maggie’s lips trembled, but then so did the rest of her. She was freezing, despite the fact she was wearing a wetsuit beneath her shirt and jeans. 

Wild cheering, wolf whistles, and clapping interrupted the moment, and Alex laughed as she got to her feet and helped Maggie up as well. 

Together they walked off set to be greeted by Sam, who ran forward to wrap Maggie in a thick blanket. Maggie clutched it tight beneath her chin. Her free hand slipped out and took hold of Alex’s. 

Alex didn’t protest. She held on tightly and decided, there and then, that she never wanted to let go. In fact, there was something else she wanted to do as well. 

Tugging Maggie’s hand lightly, she pulled the other woman against her, dipping her head and pressing her lips to Maggie’s, her arms wrapping about the shorter woman gently. 

Still clutching the blanket in both hands, Maggie’s arms returned the embrace and enveloped the two of them in a soft, protective cocoon as she eagerly returned the kiss. Their bodies molded together in what could only be described as a perfect fit. Like they were meant to be.

Chapter Text

“Wait, wait! Don’t start yet!” Alex hurried in from the kitchen with the newly opened bottle of red wine. 

Kara, who was sitting on a cushion on the floor with her tablet in her lap, held up her glass for a top up. “Oh come on, Alex, don’t you want to know what people are saying?!”

“Hold still,” Alex chided as she tried to pour the wine into her sister’s glass, which was easier said than done when Kara was bouncing about more than an excited kindergartener on a sugar high. “Of course, I want to know.” Alex topped off Kara’s glass then moved on to do the same to Eliza’s, even as she held one index finger up to Kara. “But just wait!”

There was a knock at the door, and Kara’s bouncing intensified. “Is that food? Please tell me it’s the pizzas. I’m starving!”

“Unbelievable,” Alex chuckled as she set the bottle on the coffee table and moved to answer the door.

Maggie was standing in the hall with a big grin, another bottle of red in one hand, and—

“Is that an otter?” Alex pointed, grinning as she stepped back to let Maggie in then closed the door behind her.

“It is.” Maggie held out the stuffed toy. “I come bearing gifts.”

Alex reached out, but instead of taking the toy, she took Maggie’s collar and pulled her in close, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, well aware that they had company. “That’s the only gift I need, but I’m sure Mom and Kara will appreciate the wine. And the otter is cute, so I guess he can stay too.”

There was another knock at the door, and Alex was only just able to steer Maggie out of the way in time as Kara charged past. “Finally!”

“Excuse her manners. Or lack of them.” Alex shook her head.

“Hey, Maggie!” Kara called as she scurried back past, arms full of pizza boxes and sides. 

“Hey, Kara,” Maggie chuckled as she looped her arm through Alex’s. They walked over to the couch where Eliza was standing with a broad smile on her face.

“Mom, this is Maggie. My girlfriend.” And boy did it feel good saying that.

“It’s lovely to finally meet you.” Eliza smiled as Maggie let Alex take the bottle and stuffed toy from her, then held out her hand to Eliza. Eliza ignored the hand and pulled Maggie into a hug, kissing her lightly on the cheek. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

“All good things, I hope?” Maggie chuckled.

“Of course. Though I can’t believe you’ve been together for two months, and I’m only getting to meet you now.”

“Mom,” Alex groaned.

“Oh, you know how it is, Mrs Danvers,” Maggie smiled as she stepped back, and Alex passed her a glass of wine. “There’ve been a lot of meetings and things to be discussed with the show's renewal and budget increase .” 

The three of them sat down, Alex and Maggie on the couch, Eliza in the armchair. 

“They’ve thrown out some pretty exciting names for guest stars,” Alex said.

“Like who?” Eliza asked.

“Uh… that’s confidential.”

“Yeah, if we told you, we’d have to kill you,” Maggie said, “or at least Lena would kill us.”

“That sounds more likely,” Alex admitted.

“Though if we do survive, we started our application processes for the directing course, and Sara’s agreed that we can shadow her on set next time she’s directing, so that we can eventually direct an episode each as well. There’s been a lot to sort out.”

“You’ve both asked to direct?” Eliza beamed. “That’s wonderful news! I’m truly happy for you both. And Maggie, please. Call me Eliza. We’re all family here.”

“Speaking of,” Kara was back to bouncing again, though she now had a slice of pizza in hand instead of a glass of wine. A large piece of pepperoni was dangling perilously by a thread of cheese, and Alex balked.

“Use a plate!” She threw a paper one across the gap towards her sister. Kara was just about able to get the plate underneath the slice in time before the pepperoni made its great escape.

“Phew. That was close. So anyway, who’s ready for some rave reviews? Seriously you two, people love the show!”

“Of course, they do,” Maggie grinned as she shuffled a little closer to Alex. “We’re awesome. How could they not love us?”

“They’ll love you guys even more after tonight’s episode,” Kara said around a mouthful of pizza. 

“I can’t believe you girls have never sat and watched a single episode,” Eliza said as she helped herself to a slice of pizza on her own paper plate. “I’ve watched it religiously, right from the start.”

“It’s kind of in your job description, Mom. You have to,” Alex pointed out. 

“Nonsense,” Eliza said. “You know I’m a big fan of crime dramas. It just so happens that this one has the added bonus of having my beautiful daughter and her equally beautiful girlfriend in it.”

“Wow,” Maggie laughed, tugging at her collar. “Now I know where Alex gets her charm.”

Alex glanced at her watch. “Oh, speaking of.” Grabbing up the remote, she turned the tv on. “It’s time Otters became canon.”

She sat the stuffed toy otter on the arm of the sofa, and Maggie grinned.

“You know, I got him as a joke because of our ship name. But then I remembered Dawn Patrol. Man I loved that show. It got me through some pretty rough times in my childhood. And there was that talking otter in it.”

“Pickles,” Alex grinned fondly at the memory. “We actually had five different otters. Nowhere near as cute as this guy, but I loved them all. I begged a lot, but they wouldn’t let me take any of them home with me when the show ended.” She petted the otter’s head fondly. “That’s what he’ll be called. Pickles.”

“You’re adorable,” Maggie chuckled. 

“Yup. That’s why you love me.”

“It is one of the reasons, I’ll admit.” Maggie leaned in and Alex met her halfway, the two of them sharing a kiss as the opening credits of their show started on the screen. 

Kara shuffled around so that she was facing the tv, Eliza sat back in the chair with her pizza and her wine, and Maggie leaned her head on Alex’s shoulder. 

Neither of them spoke during the argument between Jules and Rosa in the parking lot, watching in rapt silence as their unscripted argument had (with a little editing) made it into the final cut. Maggie tensed a little. She must have been thinking the same thing. 

Alex dropped a kiss into Maggie’s hair, and the two of them settled down to watch Jules’ frantic efforts to track down her partner before it was too late.

Just as it looked like Rosa’s time might be up, the situation becoming more and more dire as the detective’s time ran out, Alex and Maggie’s phones started to buzz. Social media was lighting up with comments from people as they watched the show and tagged them both in their comments.

“If they’re this excited now, it’s going to go insane in about five minutes,” Maggie murmured. “You gonna be okay?

Alex switched her phone onto silent then placed it face down on the coffee table. “I’ll be fine. Maybe we can read all the comments together after. And reply to them?”

“You up for that?” Maggie asked her.

“As long as you’re by my side, I’m up for anything,” Alex said with a smile. “We can do it together.”

“Together,” Maggie repeated with a smile. “I like that.”

“And maybe someday,” Alex mused as Jules and Rosa were finally reunited on screen, and Kara gave a high pitched squeal of delight at their kiss, “we can go public, too. You and I. Let the world know that we’re together both on and off screen.”

Eliza sat forward eagerly, her eyes glued to the screen and the happily ever after that was happening in tandem with the one going on right beside her in the living room.

Maggie nodded. “Alright. We go public, whenever you’re ready.”

“Someday,” Alex said, as she rested her head on Maggie’s. “But not yet. Let me be selfish for a bit longer. I want you all to myself.”

“I can live with that,” Maggie chuckled, leaning into Alex’s embrace.

And for the first time in her life, Alex welcomed this new challenge with open arms. Because she wasn’t alone. Whatever happened now, she had someone by her side.

For better or worse, she had Maggie.

Ride or die.