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XX-XX-XXX
My Dearest,
Despite the years, I still find myself turning to seek your audience at every conflict. I still expect to hear your voice when I’m at a loss of what to do. You were always the smartest of us, the brightest. You always kept me looking forward, no matter how frustrating I know I must have been. I expect I’ll never grow out of this habit of seeking you out despite knowing you are so far from me. Every day I strive to do what would make you proud. I hope I can live up to that kind heart of yours with my actions.
There was a boy in the rain today. He spoke in broken common. I admit I could barely understand him, but from what I could understand his father told him to wait and then never returned. He says his name is Kaeya, but offers very little else about himself. The boy was shivering something fierce and had a fever so high I was impressed he was still conscious. He looked so young, so terrified. I took him into our home and Addelinde is tending to him now with a hot bath and medicine.
I worry for him. I don’t know where he came from, or what he’s really doing here, but I know no man just leaves a child to be conveniently found practically at the doorsteps of the Ragnvindr Winery. I’ve lived too long to think of this as something coincidental or happenstance. He’s so young, though… I fear for him, my Light. More than anything else, I fear for this young boy.
Do you remember what you said, the day we married? Two sons, you told me. You wanted two little boys, no more and no less. You were quite persistent. I promised you I’d give you anything you wished for after that. His eyes shine like yours, and oh how I wish you could see it. Two sons, my dearest one. It may have taken a while, but I’ve fulfilled your wish.
Forever Yours,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXX
My Sun,
Not a day goes by that I do not wish you were here to see our boys grow. Diluc is ten now, and every day he reminds me more and more of you. He’s so bright and kind, and won’t sit still for a brush. He laughs like you, my dear. It pains my heart to see the echoes of you in him, but it also fills me with joy. He’s growing into a fine young man. I know you would be proud of him.
Kaeya has taken to the winery like a duck to water. I’m afraid all of the staff have fallen in love with him. They spoil him with anything he asks. He deserves it, though. He deserves peaceful days and happiness. He’s a quiet boy, pensive and thoughtful… I can see fear in his eyes even now. He’s been with us for several months now, but still hesitates to speak his mind.
Diluc adores him. I knew he would- his heart is too large. Sometimes I wonder if it’ll burst right from his chest. He’s all but sworn to be Kaeya’s little knight in shining armour. I think Diluc was lonely before Kaeya came into our lives. I try, my darling, I try my best but there never seems to be enough time in a day for everything I want. He’s a brave boy, though. His heart is full of love. I’d like to think I’m raising him right, but I can’t take that credit away from Addelinde. She’s been a godsend these years without you.
I fear I’m not doing enough for them sometimes. Kaeya still rarely speaks to me. I’m afraid Diluc’s only expressing interest in becoming a Knight for my sake. He does that often. “For dad” is a heartbreaking phrase to hear, I know that now. I want him to grow into his own self, not a reflection of what I couldn’t achieve. I hope one day he can understand that.
I’m trying, my dove. I’m trying for you, and for our sons.
All my love,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Love,
Diluc received a vision today. Pyro, just like you.
He’d barely even noticed, in all the chaos that ensued today. There was a storm and the horses had gotten loose. Diluc and Kaeya snuck out of the house to find them- I suspect it was Diluc’s idea, but neither will tattle on the other. It’s sweet, if not frustrating, to see them so loyal to each other.
Kaeya’s aversion to horses has ended as well- yes, these two things are connected. I do believe any semblance of a peaceful day is long gone now. With these two, I will have my hands full for the rest of my days. I cannot complain, though. It’s nice to see them in such high spirits. Varka already says Diluc will have a position amongst his Knights the minute comes of age to apply. He says they both do- I may have lost his temper momentarily, I’ll admit.
Kaeya’s a gentle child. He’s soft spoken, and I can’t help thinking of the days when he first came to live with us. He’s seen so much already, my dearest, I just know it. If I can protect him from every bad thing in this world, I would. He’s really come out of his shell these last few months.
I took the two to the seaside- to that cove you always loved. Kaeya was enraptured. He loved it all, but especially the seashells. He fell asleep listening to one, can you believe that? There’s no doubt in my mind they’re your kids.
I miss you, my love,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Light,
I would like to believe I’ve done my best as a father. I couldn’t be more proud of Diluc, and Kaeya has been a beacon of joy in our lives since coming to live with us. I love them both dearly. If you were here, I know you’d just love them just as much. I see you in them so much, it's almost painful some days.
But today… today I saw something I most likely was never supposed to know about. I saw something about Kaeya, specifically. He’d never forgive me if he knew.
The two of them were playing outside- Jean and Thoma had come to visit. Do you remember them? Frederica had her just a month before Diluc was born. She’s a bright girl, keeps Diluc on his toes. Thoma ‘s mother works as a farmhand during the summers. She used to bring him along, tied to her hip no matter how much we insisted she take a break. The four of them are tied to the hip most days. I went upstairs to put away one of the books they’d left in my study the other day. They’d left some toys lying around… I was only going to put them away.
There was a small box under Kaeya’s bed, though. I only saw it by chance. Curiosity got me before I could think better of it. Oh my darling, that poor child. The little box had every seashell we’d collected at the beach. There were small keepsakes, little things placed among some papers.
My Dawn, that poor boy was never lost. Those letters… Can they be called letters? Their edges were frayed and burned, small and sloppy writing amongst the eloquent words written on there. Such a large weight for just a young boy to carry all on his own… I did not think when I saw his eyes that he would truly be of Khaenri’ah. It is rare to meet someone from that land that retained their humanity. What he’s been through… I can’t even begin to imagine.
I only hope one day he can tell me the full story of what’s written in these pages.
All my love,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Dearest Dawn,
Diluc became a Knight today. He looked so proud of himself, standing on that stage as they gave him his badge. My heart swelled with pride. I may have cried, but that can stay between the two of us. 13 and already a knight… Time moves too quickly, my dove. It truly does. I’ve no doubt he’ll make it to captaincy by this time next year. He has the drive for it.
I will not lie, that passion scares me sometimes. I fear for him every time he spars with Kaeya, or when he sets out on patrols. He’s still so young. I know he can protect himself- in my head I know that, at least. But my heart… my heart wonders every day if this will be my last with him. I don’t think that will ever change. Would have fared any better? He could have learned to use his vision with you, learned how to wield a bow like you, perhaps. He favours the greatsword now. I’m afraid your dream of having a bow-wielding son isn’t in the near future.
Kaeya’s practically a natural with a sword- he all but dances during practice with it. The weight, the feeling of swinging the sword, they all come to him so easily. But I could see the fear in his eyes when Eroch spoke up about this fact. The hesitance to agree. In the end, I had to intervene when Eroch kept pressing. The subject was truly upsetting to Kaeya, though I cannot fully understand why.
Perhaps this, too, is something he can one day speak freely with me about. I don’t think it will be any time soon, though.
Your Forever,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Love,
Kaeya joined the Knights today. I should have seen it coming. Wherever Diluc goes, Kaeya is sure to follow. And so, the summer just after he turned thirteen, he passed the entrance exam to be Knighted. He’s even in Diluc’s company. I guess his fear of horses is well and truly gone now. I have Eroch to thank for that, I suppose. He promised me he wouldn’t dream of separating the two.
My two boys, off to be knights… I can’t help but feel nostalgic. It feels like only yesterday I found Kaeya in that storm. Has it really been nearly six years? Diluc will be sixteen soon. He’s a captain, and a well liked one at that. Kaeya has become so confident in his time here, he’s truly come out of his shell. I’ve raised them the best I know how. For you, and for Adelinde. I’m sure she would have taken them the first chance she had if I wasn’t doing a good enough job.
You raised one hell of a woman, Dawn. I know she misses you just as much as I do. We all do. I don’t know how I’ve managed this without you. Sometimes I still expect to see you standing in the study, your nose in a book like you always did. But I won’t. You’ll still be gone, no matter how I wish you were here to see your boys grow up. To see your sister become a fearless woman.
I will miss every day, my love.
Forever yours,
Crepus Johann Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
Light of My Life,
Varka asked to see me today. As did Eroch. I seemed to have been quite popular today, though I wish I hadn’t. I sent Diluc and Kaeya off so that I could speak to them. Separately. It felt… strange. Suspicious. Varka asked me not to say a word to anyone, Eroch included. And Eroch seemed to share the same sentiments. And that… worried me. I still remember the days when the three of us all went to the same boarding school. Now, though, Varka and Eroch seem to never want to be in the same room together.
Knowing what I know now, I don’t know how I’ve missed it all. It feels so obvious.
Varka has… Concerns. He’s worried for the person Eroch is becoming. Always has been? Perhaps I’ve been blinded for far too long. Varka didn’t specify why, but he asked me to keep an eye on him.
Eroch, on the other hand… Oh Dawn, how did I not see it coming? I feel like now, there were so many signs. He played the worried friend so easily. Like a second skin. Asked me how it felt to have an “empty nest” now that the boys were both knights. He offered a way to… occupy my time. Told me his friends would love to meet me. After Varka’s warning, I don’t trust that.
I don’t know if I can keep my promise to stay safe, my dear. Not with this. I have a feeling I have delved into a case I won’t walk away from unscathed.
All My Love,
Crepus Johan Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Darling,
I don’t think I’m a good person. No, I know I’m not a good person. A good man wouldn’t hesitate- a better man wouldn’t consider the temptations placed in front of me. I can excuse it all I want, tell myself it’s to catch Eroch in the act all I can, but the truth of the matter is I am a weak man. I could have walked away. I could be a better man than him, to simply ignore the power offered to me… But I did not.
Varka was right to worry. The Fatui have sunk their claws into Eroch, as deep as they will go. He placed it all in front of me so clearly, and I was at a loss. He told me what I wanted to hear, what could appease me. He offered a way to protect our sons, to help them. He called it a delusion… Something to rival the Gods’ Visions. Is that even truly possible? A vision is a gift given by our Archon. A gift I never received.
Is it not defiling fate, to take even an ounce of the power I was deemed not worthy to have? I’ve always dreamed of it, of having the strength to protect my family. To heal and protect with the elements of the Archons themselves. But it feels wrong. The more I looked at it, the more this delusion drew me in. I swear I could hear it, Dawn. Clear as day. Asking me to take it, to feed it.
There was something wrong with that thing, but I found myself reaching out regardless. I should tell Varka about this… But I have an inkling there’s more I don’t know about. How deep does this tunnel go? I want to know more. How many snakes has Eroch allowed in our garden? It leaves a sour note in my stomach to think about it.
The delusion sits in a box beside me now. I can’t bear to look at it right now in fear of what I might do. What it would make me do. I promise I will be careful, but that’s all I can say. I don’t know if I’ll emerge from this as the same man you loved.
Yours Forever,
Crepus Johan Ragnvindr
XX-XX-XXXX
My Dearest One,
This will be, perhaps, my final letter to you.
Call me foolish, call me ignorant, but the one thing you cannot call me is stupid. I am a weak man, that will never change, but I would like to think that some ounce of me is a good man too. I have written a letter to Varka that will be sent out tomorrow after Diluc’s birthday. Should Varka receive that, there is no doubt in my mind that Eroch will be arrested. That I might be arrested too.
I know Eroch has grown suspicious. I’ve asked too many questions too quickly. I’ve no doubt if given the opportunity, he’ll have me killed. I only hope I have time to give my son a wonderful eighteenth birthday before it all comes tumbling down.
I hope my sons will become better than me. Stronger men.
I will see you soon, my love.
Yours,
Crepus Johan Ragnvindr