Chapter Text
Consciousness comes to him slowly, vision blurry as feeling returns to him. He blinks, mind not quite caught up with his sight. He can hear birds chirping, singing as sunlight filters in from a window somewhere out of his sight. He feels heavy and light all at once, the fog in his half-awake brain gradually clearing. There’s a white ceiling about him, curving upwards, carved with intricate detailing. The manor’s ceilings aren’t white, though- where-
He tries to will himself up, hands moving slowly to grip at bedsheets before a sharp pain in his chest stops him in his tracks. He winces, settling back into his previous lying position. The pain subsides only slightly, aching now as his mind begins to catch up.
He’s in the cathedral, he realises. The medical ward, with pristine walls and beds you could sink into. He reaches a hand to his face- there’s thick bandages from forearm to fingers, he registers-, blindly reaching for the familiar feeling of a strap. His eyes patch- it's still securely placed on his face, the soft cotton a silent relief against his skin. He huffs out a small sigh, forcing himself to breathe despite the protest his lungs gave.
He inclines his head slightly, leaning as forward as he can without further pain. He can see bandages, wrapped securely from his neck and lower, disappearing beneath a white linen shirt. He takes in a slow, deep breath and even that hurts right now. His chest feels as if it’s on fire-
Ah.
He closes his eyes, letting out a pained sigh as his mind helpfully supplies what had landed him here in the first place. What had taken place in the middle of the night, rain pouring down.
He had walked himself to the cathedral after everything was said in done. He remembers seeing Jean and Barbara standing on the steps talking. He remembers the look of horror on Jean’s face as she rushed towards him, frantically asking what had happened before Kaeya’s vision went black. They must have brought him inside afterwards.
He probably scared them half to death, showing up like that…
Would it have been worse, finding his body instead he wonders. He frowns at the thought and pushes his head deeper into the pillows beneath him. If things had gone differently that night…
If Diluc had finished what he had started. He is sure he’ll have Diluc’s eyes permanently engraved into his mind, the look of heartbreak in his eyes with every word Kaeya said, the rage as Kaeya gave him a smile, baring himself to his once-brother. Kaeya is sure he saw something else in his gaze, something akin to fear perhaps when-
When Kaeya received his vision.
He sat up abruptly, thrusting himself forward before curling inward with a wince. He shuddered, chest feeling unbearably tight as he forced himself to move, to look around him. He’d almost forgotten. That night… a vision had appeared. He turned his head, looking around the room. Surely he’d brought it, he’d remembered grabbing it, where did he put it? Did they take it? It was… He wracked his brain, trying to recall the colour the vision had taken.
His eyes landed upon the small, ornate bedside table. He could hear it hum gently now as he focused. It glowed a soft, blue hue- Cryo, his mind supplied. A Cryo vision, a perfect foil to Diluc’s Pyro. It was small, almost jewel-like. As he reached out for it, he could feel the subtle coolness radiating from it. His head hurt.
He turned it over in his hands. He hadn’t noticed it before, but they were shaking. A constant tremor as he manoeuvred them, his fingers not quite moving properly. He frowns, grip tightening. He could feel the cold of the vision grow for a moment, small swirls of frost emitting from it. He’d always wanted a vision like Diluc… This was never how he imagined it coming to being.
His shaking hand moved along the curvature, the ornate wings he’d dreamed of for years. It was… Off, he realised. Subtly, the feather detailing was incorrect from the visions he’d seen all his life. Two feathers on each side, as opposed to three. He frowned, shoulders hunching. Even when gifted by Barbatos himself, it was still obvious he was wrong. Incorrect. He hisses, the feeling of ice across his skin suddenly increasing. The vision flared brighter briefly, frost forming at the very tips of his fingers.
A creaking door pulls him out of his thoughts, the doors to the medical wing pushing open bringing him back to reality. He looked up, letting his trembling hands fall back against the sheets. The cold receded, returning to its gentle humming. The first thing he sees is blond hair, followed by a familiar face.
Jean.
He can’t help his smile as she enters the room, not quite noticing him yet. There’s something in her hands as she closes the doors once again. A box of some kind, plain and simple. She turns towards the beds and stops in her tracks as she finally catches sight of Kaeya.
She nearly drops the box as she rushes forward, eyes wide. She looked two seconds away from pulling him into one of her signature hugs if it weren’t for his sorry state. “You’re awake!” She gasps, elated. The box is discarded at the foot of the bed as she hovers over him.
He raised a brow, smiling at her. “What, were you worried I wouldn’t?” He held back a cough- his voice was much hoarser than he’d anticipated. It felt dry and rough, words difficult to form.
“Was I worried- of course, Kaeya!” Her smile quickly fell, replaced with a tight-lipped frown. Ah, her “I'm disappointed” pout. “You were asleep for three days. No one knew what to do. You showed up injured and half dead practically- you had pneumonia, Kaeya!” She reached over, placing her hand over Kaeya’s.
Three days? He’d been out for that long?
“... Huh.” He said. He didn’t know what else to say. He’d been asleep for three days, apparently sick enough to warrant Jean’s wrath. So much could have happened in that time- so much could have been said in that time. But…
He was still here, in the cathedral. Not in a cell, not at the Dawn Winery. Had Diluc not told them? What had happened, after he’d collapsed? His head felt like it was pulsing, rushing as he tried to sit up properly. Jean was on him in an instant, one hand on his back as she helped him lean against the headboard. He huffed, letting out a shaky breath. It felt as though the air had been stolen right from his lungs with a single task.
“You’re still recovering, don’t push yourself too much.” She scolded, but there was no heat to her words. Her brow was creased, worry written all over her expression. “Your lungs aren’t what they used to be. Just take it easy.”
He offered her a pained smile, “You know me, I’ve never been one to do anything I don't have to.” He joked, earning an exasperated sigh.
“We both know that’s a lie, Kaeya…” She mumbled, eyes lowering. Her hands fell to her sides. She glanced back at the box she’d entered with. "You're always being reckless and trying to do everything yourself like… " Like Diluc. She didn't say it, but Kaeya could hear it as clearly as day. She didn’t need to say it. His head hurt.
He smiled, though. He tilted his head to one side and gave her a small chuckle. Better not to dwell, for his own sake. "Someone needs to keep you on your toes. 'Most promising knight of your generation'- wasn't that what Master Varka said?" He teased.
Her eyes snapped to his, face turning increasingly red. Her mouth gaped open, seeming at a loss for words momentarily. "I don't need- Grand Master Varka just- What!" She barked indignantly. "I am doing perfectly fine without you giving me grey hairs at every turn." She huffed, crossing her arms.
He winced as he laughed, chest heaving. "Okay, okay, I apologise." He placated, raising one hand in a salute. "I'll endeavour to be more courteous, Miss Captain."
She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling now. Kaeya took that as a win. There was a moment of comfortable silence before Jean sighed and placed her hand beside Kaeya. "How are you really doing, Kaeya. After everything that happened…" She trailed off, eyes moving from Kaeya's to his chest. He, too, looked down at the bandages wrapped securely over his body.
He mulled over what to say. His gut reaction was to reassure her he was fine, no matter how untrue it was, but he knew Jean would see right through it in an instant. At the same time, however, he himself wasn't sure how he felt. He’d lost a second father, a brother, a home, because of his own guilt and actions. His mind was buzzing, as if the fog of sleep still hadn't left him.
He was alone. Again.
His memory was hazy, but he was fairly certain Diluc had all but disowned him. And father…
He swallowed, feeling a cold shiver run down his spine. He glanced down at his hands where the vision was still in his grip. "I don't… know." He answered lamely. "It honestly doesn't feel real- none of this does. It all feels like a bad dream right now.” He did not miss the irony in that statement, Kaeya had not dreamed once since coming to Mondstadt. He was certain he’d never dreamed even before Mondstadt, too.
She grabbed his hand, covering the vision with her own palm. She offered him a small, reassuring smile. Kaeya swallowed down the feeling of bile rising in his throat at her gentleness. It felt fake, it felt pitiful. "That's okay. You've just woken up, take your time."
It felt like there was a lump in his throat. His head ached as he let out a small, hoarse laugh. "If not now, when? When will it feel real enough to me?" Jean said nothing, just squeezed his hand comfortingly as he took another pained breath. "Has there even been a funeral yet?"
"... No, not yet." She replied. "Adelinde has it scheduled for two weeks from now, along with the Will reading, if I remember correctly. She's been hard at work making sure everything is perfect." She gave him a watery smile. "She didn't want you to miss it- she's been beside herself with worry ever since she heard you'd been hospitalised."
His stomach turned, elation and guilt melding as he bit back a smile. It felt like a double-edged sword, hearing about Adelinde. Hearing she was worried for him… His grip tightened on the vision in his hand, the feeling of sheer cold engulfing him briefly before he relaxed it once again. He sagged his shoulders, mouth opening despite no words coming out. He was sure Diluc must have said something. Jean must have known, Adelinde must have known. Going to Master Crepus- father’s- funeral?
“Adelinde… is very kind.” he started, thinking his words carefully. How does one phrase their own disownment? “But I believe Diluc made it very clear that I am not welcome in his vicinity anymore.” He raised his head, offering Jean a weak smile. “I don’t believe he’d take me attending the funeral very well.”
Jean’s brow immediately creased, staring down at the sheets for a moment before lifting her gaze to Kaeya. “But Diluc-” She stopped herself, mouth hanging open as her eyes blinked wide. Her shoulders sagged as Kaeya’s rose, head tilting as he stared at her. Diluc what? “Oh, you wouldn’t know.” She whispered, eyes snapping to the ornate box she’d entered with once again.
“Wouldn’t know… what, Jean?” He asked slowly. Her hands slid away from his, coming to grab the box and present it to him. His head hurt. His hands shook as he took the box from her, mind swimming with the worst case scenarios. Diluc wasn't- he couldn’t-
He slid the box open, and felt the world stop.
“Diluc has… left Mondstadt. For an indefinite time.” She said softly.
It sat neatly in the box, radiating warmth as it sat against white velvet. Kaeya would recognize it anywhere, from the wings to the blazing symbol of pyro. He slowly lifted it from the box, feeling the warmth engulf his hand.
It was Diluc’s vision.
He was vaguely aware Jean was still speaking, but the sound of rushing blood filled his ears as he tore his eyes away from the vision’s glow. He’s gone. Diluc left Mondstadt. He looks anywhere but at Jean, eyes sliding across the room in a blur. His head feels like it's spinning.
Then, his eyes catch something he’d missed before. Has it always been there? He lets the visions slide from his grip, falling into his lap as he stares at the small, plain white vase sitting on the nightstand beside his bed. There were no designs or blemishes on its exterior.
A small bouquet of lampgrass blossoms sat inside of it.
“Kaeya?” Jean tries to get his attention.
His heart aches.