Chapter Text
Maybe it was a bad idea.
Really, it was a bad idea but it was one that Chrissy made on her own and she was going to see it through. She was already in his car– well, his van, and they were on their way to his place for ‘Special K ’ as he called it.
He drove like a madman, weaving through other cars, making sharp turns, and not bothering to slow down when they got to a bend. She gathered her core strength and grasped onto the grip handle so she wouldn’t develop Shaken Baby Syndrome 18 years too late...
They sat in a sort of silence, the stereo playing between them; it was a hardcore song she didn’t know and tried not to be put off by. He knew every word and sang it under his breath. For some reason, that comforted her, him singing a song he liked. It demystified him, he was a person, just like everybody else.
The further they drove, the more she noticed she’d never been in this part of town. She never had reason to come through here. It was where the trailer parks and low-income houses were.
He made a hard right and pulled up onto the grass next to what she assumed to be his trailer. She realized she was still in her cheer uniform, it made her feel self-conscious— out of place.
He turned off the radio and ejected the tape, tossing it into the glovebox, not bothering to put it back in the case.
“Well, we’re here.” He smiled.
“Yeah.” Chrissy unbuckled her seatbelt but didn’t move.
She must’ve had a look on her face because he looked at her concerned and asked, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, “I’m just nervous.”
“That’s very understandable. Trust me, I’m not judging you,” Then he chuckled, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Chrissy nodded and got out of the van, trying not to give it a second thought. He got out, too, and hopped in front of her so he could unlock the door.
“Welcome to my kingdom,” He bowed like a jester for her to go in first.
The inside of the trailer was standard, she guessed. It was full of things but it wasn’t messy; mugs and baseball caps were happily displayed on the walls. She placed herself awkwardly in the middle of the small living room.
Why didn’t I just sit on the couch? She scolded herself.
“Do you live here alone?” She asked, trying to fill dead air as he searched for the drugs.
“Nah. I live with my uncle, he works nights at the plant.”
“Oh, okay.” She thought for a second, “Do you two get along?”
“Yeah, he basically raised me.”
She watched as he rummaged through the draws before turning back to her, hand on hips, “Guess I'm playing Find the Ketamine.”
He disappeared into his room, letting the door stay open. Over his unmade bed was a giant poster for a movie called The Toxic Avenger and a bunch of postcards and ripped-out magazine pages hung around it. Chrissy leaned over to see if she could see anything else but she heard a dull crash and subsequent shout coming from the room. He emerged from his room holding up a tin container in triumph, “I knew I still had it!”
Chrissy couldn’t help but laugh, and he laughed too.
He placed the tin on the counter and pried the top off. In it was a little plastic baggie, about a fourth full of white oblong and circular pills.
Chrissy stood next to him at the counter, looking down at them.
“H-How much is it?”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, ket’s pretty expensive. It’d be 18 for 3 pills but, you would really only need to take half of one to get high, especially if you’re new at this.”
“No friends discount this time?” She joked.
“I can do 15 at the lowest but if you come looking for me again, you’re paying full price, Cunningham.” He pointed at her, “Charm can only get you so far.”
“I could say the same to you.”
His smile was so disarming. She used to think he was this big, unapproachable force but he’s so…
Chrissy shook herself out of it, “So, 15?”
“Yeah.” He looks down at the floor.
She gets the money out of her pristine white cardigan and hands it over to him. He takes it back to his room and comes out again with an even smaller baggie crushed in his hands. He picks out three pills from the tin and seals them in the plastic.
“Alright,” he holds it out to her, “pleasure doing business with you.”
“You as well.”
“Do… Do you need a ride home?”
“Oh, yeah.” She stuttered, “I don’t want to be too bold but, would you want to hang out?”
“Right now?”
“I know it’s dumb, I just can’t go home right now. I usually just hang out with my boyfriend after games until I feel distracted enough to go home.” She finally looked him in the eyes and saw nothing but confusion. Immediately, she caved, “No, I know I’m asking too much, I should have. Just take me home. Please.”
“No, Chrissy, you want to hang out?”
“Yeah, that’s why I asked.”
“Alright let’s hang.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m at your disposal. What would you like to do?"
“I don’t know. Maybe listen to music.”
“I don’t think you’d like anything I have available, Cunningham.”
“Why not?” she was playfully indignant, “I’ll try anything at least once.”
“Alright, alright,” he put his hands up, “But don’t pretend you like any of it.”
“If I hate it, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, come on.” He waved for her to follow him into his room.
♥
He sat cross-legged in front of his shelf of tapes while Chrissy sat on the edge of his bed, trying to act natural. He didn’t talk while he was picking out music, she watched as his long black hair shifted when he did, how it fell over his shoulders and into his face enough that he had to brush it away constantly.
Finally, he chose something and excitedly hopped up from the floor and to the stereo sitting on his desk.
“You’re gonna love this.”
“You think?”
“I hope.”
He pushed down the play button and scurried to sit on his bed (with shoes on) beside her.
After a long stint of static, the album started.
It started with a circular bassline then the rest of the instruments and vocals kicked in all at once— ‘ You ain’t no punk, you punk! You wanna talk about the real junk?’
Chrissy’s nose scrunched up in a way she couldn’t help.
Eddie’s face fell a bit, “You hate it.”
“What?” She shook her head, “No, I’m just getting used to it, you know?”
She tried to follow the rhythm and feel it out.
He looked at her intently.
‘ Eight long legs and one big mouth— the hottest thing from the North to come out of the South! Do you understand?’
“What is this?” She asked
He handed her the jewelcase, “They’re The Cramps.”
“Ouch.”
The cover was bright yellow with a black pen and ink-ish drawing of a zombie man with superspiked hair. It looked like one of those gross-out Rat Fink things that her brother liked.
The album was called Bad Music for Bad People.
“It’s really abrasive.” She said.
“We can turn it off if you’d like.” He started to get up.
“No, don’t, I want to keep listening.”
He looked at her with excitement and surprise
“Just turn it down a little.” She added.
And he did so, the music was now low enough to talk over. He sat back down on the bed, she was facing him now but looking down at the quilt.
She wondered what time it was and if her mom would dig into her for staying out too late or if she’ll just look past her.
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t look it.”
“I just— I just feel… I don’t know.”
“Crazy?” They talked about this earlier.
“Yeah. Crazy.”
“But, in a serious way or in a life sucks kind of way?”
“Life sucks and it makes me feel paranoid. No one I know understands or, if they do, they don’t talk about it either.” She unfolds her legs on the bed and rests her chin on her knees.
“I get where you’re coming from, I used to think the same thing but, there will always be people who understand you, no matter what.”
“How do I find those people?”
He shrugs, “You have to let your guard down.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“It is— it can be, but it can be worth it in the end.”
Chrissy stayed quiet and still while trying to rationalize it all. “What time is it?”
“Oh, uh,” he stumbled off the bed just to look at the watch he had on, “9:37.”
Chrissy bolted up, “I need to leave.” She didn’t elaborate.
“Do you need me to drive you?”
“That’s not a problem is it?”
“No, no, not at all.”
♥
The drive home was less awkward than the drive up. Mostly because Chrissy had to give directions.
Her neighborhood was a step down from a gated community, he thought. Manor homes, big, perfectly manicured lawns, bright flowers, and tree-lined streets obscure the upper floors of a lot of the houses. Almost every house looked the same, save for the numbers above the doors and mailboxes.
“I’m guessing you want to be dropped off like a few houses down. I don’t think you’d want your parents seeing me.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, I get that you have an image to keep up.”
Chrissy balked at that, he wasn’t wrong but pointing it out made her upset. She wished the “image” kept itself up naturally.
He stopped 3 houses down, the trees hid them well enough. Chrissy hopped out of the van but before leaving, she leaned in the window, “Hey, Eddie?”
His eyes widened. So alien .
“Thanks.”
He shook off his stunned look, “For driving you home or for the ketamine?”
“Both…either. Just, thank you.”
“No problem.”
“We should hang out for real sometime.”
Eddie snorted, “Are you being serious?”
Her face fell,” Do you not want to?”
“No— I mean, I would but, why?”
“Because you seem nice.” She said it like it was apparent.
He brushed it off, “Sure.”
“You don’t believe me?”
He shook his head, “I don’t think you’re a liar —”
“Good, because I’m not.” She bore her eyes at him, he toyed with his hair, and finally looked over at her, “I’ll see you later, Eddie. I promise.”
He nodded, and a light smile ticked up his face. She responded with a big grin.
And with that, she headed off to her house with confidence in her step.
That confidence wouldn’t last too long, however. Because it was a crapshoot whether her parents were actually home. She pushed down on the handle lightly and, as quietly as possible, squeaked the door open.
The Cunningham home was starch clean and uncomfortable. The lights weren’t off but she didn’t run into her parents, or even her brother, in the kitchen or the den, thank god. Her father was a nonentity and her mother was one of her biggest fears.
She crept upstairs to her room. Her parent's bedroom light was on but the door was closed. She heard a creak in the floor that wasn’t from her. Shit —
She turned to see her mother, Caroline, standing at the foot of the stairs, the shadows of the foyer made her face look so much harsher than it was. She looked annoyed.
“Hi, mom.” She whispered.
“Christine, what were you doing getting back this late?”
It was only around 10 but Chrissy didn’t have the energy or drive to argue with her. She had her hands in her sweater pockets, she gripped the ketamine so hard she was afraid the pills would break in half.
“Some of the team and I went out to Holly’s Diner and—“
“You shouldn’t be eating food like that, it’ll mess up that figure you worked so hard to get.”
“I know, mom, I’m sorry. I was just really excited that we won the championship. I thought maybe this once I could let myself have something.”
“Chrissy, that’s how the cycle starts. You have to have self-control no matter what. You know that.”
“I know. I’ll make it up, I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
Chrissy nodded and left for her room, careful not to step on the creaky floorboards.
♥
She turns on her lamplight and tosses the baggie down on her bed. She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath in and out.
I just bought drugs. I have drugs.
She knew she needed to hide them immediately but in what? A jewelry box would be too obvious. They could get crushed under her bed. She might forget about them in her pants pocket and accidentally put them through the wash. She scanned her room and her eyes landed on—
My bears!
She went to her bench and picked up her Tenderheart bear, tucking it under her arm. She grabbed her mini sewing kit off her dresser and sat on her bed.
She flipped the bear around and carefully cut along the already present seam, pressed the bag of pills into it, and sewed it back up loosely. She placed the bear next to her on the bed, now deciding to relax.
Chrissy takes off her shoes, her sweater, and cheer uniform, putting on her most comfortable pajamas. Lastly, she sat at her mirror, took off her makeup, and let her hair down from its ponytail.
She was about to go off to bed but she lingered in the mirror for a while, looking at her face very closely. Not wanting to pick out her physical imperfections but her personal ones.
Who are you? She wanted to recognize herself.
I’m you. Just you.
She thought of The Raven, ‘Only this and nothing more.’
Then she thought of Eddie and who he was, what little she knew about him. From their first encounter in the woods to him dropping her off, he’s been nothing but patient with her. And not in a patronizing way either, he was…kind. Personable , she guessed.
She closed her eyes again.
Reset .
And turned away from her mirror.