Chapter Text
♫♫♫
“You’re really the Evil Queen?”
With those words, Regina’s world fell apart.
Regina swore that she would have told Emma the truth eventually. She had imagined how the discussion would go in her head countless times. It would happen right after dinner, when she, Emma, and Henry would be sitting in the kitchen. Regina would take out Henry’s storybook that she had prepared in advance and say, “I need to tell you both the truth.”
Henry’s eyes would widen considerably, whereas Emma would look at her with cautious curiosity. Regina would then flip the book open to a drawing of the Evil Queen, showing the image to both of them. Then she would say, “This woman in the picture, this is, or rather was, me.”
Their jaws would likely drop, stunned into silence from her confession. Henry’s expression would say something along the lines of ‘oh my god is this really happening am I hearing her right,’ and Emma would blink a few times, mostly likely thinking ‘what the actual fuck.’
Regina would take the opportunity to talk about the curse, “It’s all real. Everything that Henry has said about the curse is true. Everyone in Storybrooke, including myself, is a character in this book.”
Emma would protest, Henry would furrow his brow in suspicion, asking Regina why she was revealing this information now. And Regina would tell them, “Because I can’t see a future for myself, for all of us, if I’m not honest with you. I don’t want to lie to either of you anymore. These past few months have shown me that I want to be someone who deserves your love. And the only way I can become that person is by coming clean about everything.”
Regina anticipated answering several questions from Emma and Henry. Questions about cure and about her. Henry would want her to break the curse, and despite her fears, Regina would agree. Emma would ask about them, and Regina would reassure her that everything they had together was real.
There would be tears and hugs and promises made and “I love you,” and in the end, Regina envisioned the three of them becoming much closer by night’s end. They would be a family.
That was her script.
In retrospect, Regina probably should have told them both much sooner. She could have sat them down and told them about her past. And yet, every time an opportunity presented itself, Regina hesitated. Telling herself that she wasn’t ready, that she needed to refine her script, that she still had time.
How could Regina have known that she would end up having a True Love’s Kiss with Emma, inadvertently breaking her curse?
She couldn’t.
But that was what happened, and now, looking at Emma’s hurt, betrayed eyes, Regina knew that everything she held dear was about to vanish.
♫♫♫
A week later, and Regina was all alone.
The fallout after the curse broke had been intense. Once Snow and Charming regained their memories, they wasted no time reuniting with their daughter and rounding up their constituents, most of whom wanted Regina dead. Regina had initially run away to her mansion to hide from the inevitable mob that was salivating at the thought of tearing her head off. Regina had tried to push them away with magic, only to discover that it wasn’t working. Defenseless, Regina could only snarl as Whale nearly grabbed her wrist, pinning her to her door.
For the briefest of moments, Regina thought that this was her end. That after twenty-eight years of frozen time, the Evil Queen would finally be put down for good, the heroes coming out on top.
But she didn’t die. Because Emma saved her.
Emma had rushed forward screaming “Let her go!”, forcing Whale’s grubby hands off of her. Regina had watched in awe, her heart fluttering slightly when Emma forced the mob to disperse. She remembered reaching out to hold Emma’s hand and smiling when Emma didn’t push her away.
Her happiness was short-lived, however, when Snow and Charming demanded her incarceration “for their safety.” The idea that Regina could hurt anyone in her current state was laughable, but Emma still threw her into a cell at the Sheriff’s station. She stayed there for two days without contact with anyone besides the sheriff herself.
Regina had tried to talk with her. She asked to see Henry, promising to explain herself, begging Emma to just listen. Every time she spoke, however, Emma shook her head silently, effectively shutting down any meaningful conversation. It was painful, to see Emma just a few meters away, sitting in the same room as her, and to watch helplessly as Emma did everything in her to ignore Regina’s presence. Had she not been so angry, Regina would have been heartbroken.
On day three, Emma unlocked the door to the cell, Snow and David behind her. Regina saw the grimaces on the unCharmings’ faces, a flurry of insults and angry remarks on the tip of their tongues, ready to lash out at the first opportunity. It was uncharacteristically restrained for those heroes, and Regina realized that Emma must have told them to behave.
Recognizing this, Regina couldn’t help but let out a little sass. “I see that the Sheriff’s department is now a family business. How does it feel, Snow, Charming? Being forced to take orders from your own daughter?”
Emma shuddered slightly at the last word.
“If it were up to us, you would be dead, you witch,” David growled.
“Fates know how you corrupted our daughter,” Snow added, her eyes raging with fury. “Be grateful that Emma is kind and good, to grant you mercy despite everything you’ve done to her.”
“Enough,” Emma said, and her parents’ mouths snapped shut. “Regina, we’re escorting you back to the mansion. Hold out your hands so I can cuff you. Don’t fight me on this.”
Regina’s eyebrows arched upward. “My my, Miss Swan, foreplay in front of your parents? I do love your filthy mind,” she smirked.
Three days ago, Emma would roll her eyes and fire back with a remark of her own, usually matching Regina in sexual overtones. They would go back and forth for a bit, before one of them gave in and pinned the other against a wall, capturing the other’s lips in a passionate kiss. They would then retreat to a more appropriate location to resume their activities.
But now, Emma did none of those things. “Regina, please,” she said quietly. Regina instinctively wanted to protest, but the bags under Emma’s eyes, the slump of her shoulders, and the sheer tiredness in her eyes made Regina reconsider. Besides, it was in her best interest to cooperate with the town hero. So Regina nodded curtly and held out her hands, letting Emma cuff her. She didn’t resist when Emma guided her to the patrol car, sitting next to her in the back seat. From the front, Snow and David explained the punishment the town denizens had decided for her.
“Permanent house arrest,” David said. “You will not be allowed to leave outside the confines of your property, that being your stupidly large house and equally large garden. The townspeople have agreed not to disturb you so long as you stay there. The moment you step outside your borders they will not hesitate to put you down. And you’ll be allowed to deal with anyone who goes onto your property however you wish.”
“Ruby will come over once a week with food so you don’t starve, but otherwise, you’re on your own,” Snow said. “After much deliberation, we decided that the best course of action was to keep you as far away from us as possible.”
“Henry—”
“Emma and Henry will be staying with us,” Snow continued, a tang of bitterness in her voice. “As if we’ll let you poison their minds any further, witch.”
David added, “They already agreed to this, so don’t raise any objections.”
Regina bit her tongue and let the unCharmings drive her to her house. She looked at Emma, who was stubbornly looking out the window.
When they arrived at 108 Mifflin Street, Emma spoke up for the first time since entering the car. “I’ll take her inside.”
Her parents immediately voiced their protests, but Emma was insistent. “Seriously. I need to have a chat with her alone.” And because Emma was the Sheriff, they had to obey.
Emma escorted Regina to her front door, unlocking the cuffs. They stepped inside, Emma closing the door behind them. Regina watched as Emma leaned against the hard wood and let out a deep sigh.
Their last exchange, according to Regina’s recollection, went as follows:
“You’re not seriously going along with this,” Regina said incredulously.
Emma inhaled sharply. “Actually, I am. It’s in everyone’s best interest to keep you here.”
“Keeping my son away from me is in my best interest?!” Regina felt her anger rising with each second. She had been remarkably restrained these past few days, accepting her girlfriend’s avoidance, her son’s absence, and the unCharming’s vitriol. Seeing Emma turn her back on her made her ready to snap.
“Our son,” Emma said in a low voice. “And it’s in his best interest that he doesn’t see you for a while.”
“For a while?” Regina questioned. When Emma didn’t respond, she asked another question. “And what about you? Is it in your best interest to stay away from me?”
Emma turned to open the door. “… Ruby will stop by tomorrow with groceries. I’ll make sure she brings your usual order.”
“You can’t just trap me in my own house!” Regina shouted, her rage boiled and overflowing. “I have a right to see Henry, to tell him my side of the story!”
“What story?!” Emma snapped, her eyes filled with tears and flames. “You want to tell him how you recruited me to lie to him for months?! How you let me tell him over and over to let go of his curse fantasy, that you weren’t this Evil Queen from a storybook, that you weren’t a murderer?! All the while you knew the truth?!”
Regina felt a pang in her chest, and she willed herself not to flinch. “I was going to tell you both the truth. I was waiting for the right time—"
“Don’t even go there, Regina. If you wanted to be honest, you wouldn’t have sent Henry to therapy. You wouldn’t have made him think he was crazy. You wouldn’t have lied to him, to me, for months! You wouldn’t have made me believe that you cared—”
“Don’t you dare assume my feelings!” Regina cried. “When I said that I loved Henry, you knew I was telling the truth!”
Emma let out a wry laugh. “Yeah. Sure. Henry.”
“Use your superpower. Tell me that I’m lying to you right now,” Regina challenged.
“I don’t need my superpower to know that you love Henry, that’s a given,” Emma said quickly. “What about me?”
Regina’s words died on her lips. Her mouth parted open slightly, but nothing came out.
“Was any of it real?” Emma continued, tears trailing down the sides of her face onto the floorboards. “The hugs, the kisses, the late nights, the dinner invitations, inviting me to move in with you, was any of that real? Or was it all just part of your plan? ‘Oh, here’s the daughter of my sword enemy! It would be hilarious if I slept with her, just to rub it in her mom’s face!’”
“Emma, no, that’s not why I…” Regina tried.
“You hated me at first!” Emma said. “You thought I just wanted to barge into Henry’s life, because I was his birthmother. And maybe you had a point, and then you suddenly changed your mind and you wanted to get to know me better. You knew, didn’t you? You knew I was Mary Margaret’s daughter, and you wanted to string me along.”
“That’s why you killed Graham, right? Everyone said it was a sudden heart failure, but it was you, wasn’t it? You were upset that he kissed me and that he didn’t want to listen to you anymore, so you got him out of the way. Am I wrong?”
Regina could see Emma’s hurt, and although she wanted to assuage her lover’s fears, she couldn’t deny any of Emma’s claims. They were all true.
“I believed everything you said. I believed you when you kissed me, when you said you wanted something more. I was so stupidly happy to have another chance at a family. With Henry… and you.” Emma shook her head. “Was any of it real, Regina? Did you ever even love me?”
Regina was openly crying now. ‘I do love you!’ was lodged in her throat, but the moment she tried to speak, her head was overwhelmed with a painful pounding. Regina felt as though her brain was about to implode on itself from the effort. Her mouth was open wide, but only silent sobs came out. Her throat was on fire, her body was beginning to shake, and fuck, why weren’t the words coming out?!
Emma sighed in resignation. “That’s what I thought,” she muttered. “You never even said it once.”
“I loved you!” was the last thing Regina heard as Emma shut the door behind her.
Regina didn’t remember exactly what happened after Emma left, but she woke up on the floor of her study surrounded by broken glass shards. The room reeked of wine and cider and whatever other substances she must have drunk during her emotional breakdown. Though she was severely dehydrated, she was relatively unharmed. The only real injury Regina sustained was several red fingernail marks clawing into her left breast.
And now, seven days after the curse broke, Regina was lying in her bed. All alone, in a house that was always too big for one person—which was why she adopted a child to begin with. But even that was taken from her.
Regina hadn’t seen Henry since the day the curse broke. This was the longest she had gone without seeing her baby boy. She reassured her troubled mind with the knowledge that Emma wouldn’t let any harm come to him, but that only eased a small figment of her fears. Was he eating well? She taught Emma how to cook a few meals, but with him staying at the loft, he was sure to encounter culinary horrors of a princess and a shepherd who thought that the only two spices were salt and pepper. A week of their cooking surely would be enough to give even the strongest guts indigestion and bowel problems.
And to think that the unCharmings were convinced that she was the one poisoning their family.
True to Emma’s word, Ruby stopped by her front porch with bags of groceries. Regina heard the doorbell ring five times, but she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed, make herself presentable, and then walk downstairs to open the door. She ended up retrieving the groceries from her front porch late that night, when she was sure that no one could see her uncombed hair and crumpled pajamas.
Regina was lonely. She missed the loud thumps of Henry and Emma’s footsteps through the halls, their jovial laughter filling the air like a melody that she would never tire of. She missed hearing Henry talk about his school days and Emma trying (and failing) to help him with his math homework. She missed late night drinks and confessions where she and Emma could drop a few of their walls and find peace with each other.
Regina missed her family.
What could she do? Emma and Henry weren’t going to knock on her door anytime soon. Regina had considered sneaking out to visit them, but what was the point? Knowing Snow White, there were likely at least three dwarfs surrounding the perimeter, ready to shoot her dead the moment one of her toes stepped outside her property.
Regina had closed all the blinds and windows, refusing to step outside. Why should she let anyone see her so vulnerable and defeated? Though it wasn’t like she was getting many visitors in the first place. As vengeful as that mob was, the townspeople seemed to be leaving her alone. She had kept her phone charged, just in case Henry or Emma called, but it never rang. They didn’t want to speak to her, and it seemed like they never would.
Which was why Regina was lying in bed in the afternoon, not that she could tell with her closed blinds. If nobody wanted anything to do with her, then what was stopping her from wallowing in sadness and self-pity? She was allowed to be sad and tired and lethargic after the horrible week she’d had.
‘How did I get to this point?’ she wondered, her body slipping into unconsciousness once more.
♫♫♫
The idea started the moment Regina realized that Emma was the savior.
That would be the day after Emma decided to stay in town, when the old clock tower began to move again. Regina saw Emma’s bug parked outside Granny’s and quickly put two and two together. She had tried to push her away by getting her arrested and kicking her out of Granny’s, but a chainsaw to her tree made her reconsider that approach. Worse still, her tactics to push Emma away only seemed to make her want to stay.
Then, she learned that Emma had begun living with the cursed Snow White. Regina laughed at the irony, but then she started thinking. Emma was horrible at hiding her attraction towards the mayor, and Emma didn’t look too bad herself. If she seduced Emma, Snow would be horrified.
It was too good an opportunity to pass up. Regina invited Emma for coffee in her office, promising that they would resolve their differences and possibly work out something for them and Henry. Emma took the bait, always so eager to spend more time with her son. And it went surprisingly well. Emma was willing to put their past altercations behind her and start fresh. One coffee conversation turned into two, four, and then Regina invited Emma to her house for dinner. Henry was wary of her motives (which perhaps he should have been), but Emma had told him that she definitely wasn’t under some spell and that Regina was a really good mom, and a good person.
Later that night, when Henry had gone upstairs to bed, Regina asked Emma why she defended her.
“Because it’s the truth,” Emma said. “Even when we got off on the wrong foot, I knew that you were a wonderful mother. And after getting to know you a little more, I can tell that you’re definitely not evil.”
“I’m not? And pray tell, what kind of person am I, if not evil?” Regina asked casually, hoping that Emma couldn’t hear the pounding in her chest.
“You’re this… beautiful, intelligent, strong, sometimes bitchy but also kind of nice woman who anyone would be lucky to have in their life. You’re also hot as fuck.”
“Is this you talking, or the cider?”
Emma smirked and leaned forward. “Me. But the cider’s helping.”
They had their first kiss, though they didn’t go any farther that day (neither of them wanted to do it with Henry in the house). Emma had gone back to the loft shortly afterwards, and Regina was satisfied.
Time passed. Emma became the deputy sheriff under Graham, a fact that annoyed Regina to no end. Her annoyance quickly turned to anger when she found out that Graham had kissed Emma and was pursuing her. Apparently, Emma’s influence as the savior was causing him to regain his memories, and that couldn’t do. Her curse couldn’t be broken, not now, not ever. Regina did the only thing she could do: crush his heart into dust. She hadn’t planned for him to die in front of Emma, feeling a twinge of remorse when the new sheriff told her how he died suddenly in her arms. But the tragedy too, ended up working in Regina’s favor. Her competition was removed, and Emma grew closer to Regina, presumably under the assumption that they were both grieving.
It was two weeks later when their relationship changed yet again. Emma had brought lunch to Regina’s office (a regular occurrence since their first coffee meeting), and Regina decided to make her move. Rather than eat the burger Emma had bought for her, Regina raked her eyes up and down Emma’s body, making her intentions obvious.
“You’re not hungry?” Emma asked. She hadn’t touched her food either, distracted by the attention the mayor was giving her.
“I am. Just not for food,” Regina purred, standing up from her chair. She strutted to the couch where Emma was sitting, stroking her blonde curls as Emma looked up at her. “What about you?”
“I’m not exactly hungry either,” Emma said a bit breathlessly.
“Then we’re on the same page?”
“I think we are.” With that, Emma reached forward and pulled Regina onto the couch with her, kissing her passionately.
Emma left the office an hour later, after fixing her hair, clothes, and makeup. Regina sat back in her office chair, using her thumb to wipe away the smudged lipstick.
Regina told herself that it meant nothing. That everything was still part of her plan to torment her nemesis. That she was still in control of her feelings. Even when Emma started coming over for dinner three times a week, when she started inviting Emma to spend time with her and Henry after school, when their lunch escapades became so common that her secretary bought herself earplugs, Regina refused to acknowledge that it meant anything. She wasn’t falling for Emma… right?
And then, after a family dinner, the subject of their relationship came up in conversation.
“Henry asked me if I was ever going to move in with you guys,” Emma said, kicking her feet up on the couch. It was another routine of theirs, to spend some time together in Regina’s study after Henry went upstairs.
“Did he?” Regina asked, making a little room on the couch so that she could sit down, such that Emma’s head was next to her lap. They hadn’t told him that they were together yet, since they never approached the topic themselves. “And what did you tell him?”
“That I’d talk to you about it,” Emma said. “He’s a smart kid, Regina. I’m sure he’s noticed…” she gestured to Regina and herself.
Regina shrugged. “Well, I can see his point. Moving in would save you the trouble of driving back to that old loft after our dinners. I’m sure you’ll find the guest room bed far more comfortable.”
“Whoa, you’re also on board with this?” Emma asked.
“Should I not be? You did move in with Mary Margaret rather quickly. What’s so strange about moving in with us? With our son?” Regina asked, internally wincing at her choice of words.
Thankfully, Emma didn’t comment on those last words. “Yeah, but Mary Margaret is my friend and roommate,” Emma said. “And you’re my—”
“I’m your what?” Regina smirked, her insides feeling unusually giddy.
Emma blushed and twirled a lock of her hair. “Uhm, well, I was thinking that we were, you know… dating. I mean we never really talked about it before but…”
“I suppose it’s time for us to talk about it then,” Regina murmured. She leaned over and cupped Emma’s face with her hands. “What do you want us to be?”
“I…” Emma’s voice was slightly shallow. “I want you to be my girlfriend.”
Regina grinned. “What a coincidence. I want the same thing.”
What followed after was a flurry of limbs and lips and teeth and torn clothes and whispered words that they could only hope their son didn’t hear. “Upstairs. Bed,” Regina ordered, and Emma was happy to oblige.
There was no going back. They were officially dating.
They told Henry the next morning at breakfast, Emma wanting to be as upfront and honest with the kid as possible. To both women’s relief, he took the news well. In fact, he had thought that they were already dating and just waiting for the right time to tell him.
“But are you sure you’re okay with this?” Regina asked him. “Me dating Miss Swan. Since you have your… queen belief, and all…”
Henry shook his head. “I thought you were up to something at first, but not anymore.”
“So you don’t think your mom’s evil?” Emma asked.
“No. She likes you for real,” Henry said, and Regina nearly cried from the irony of it all.
Emma moved into the guest room. Henry had largely dropped his Evil Queen theory. Family dinners became normal dinners, and Emma and Regina could finally spend quality time together in a bed instead of an uncomfortable office couch.
Aside from the fact that there was still a curse that could break at any moment, revealing the truth about Storybrooke, its people, and Regina, life was pretty good for Regina.
The moment everything fell apart was quite random. It happened when Emma and Regina were at Granny’s on a lunch date. People had gotten used to seeing the two of them together, holding hands as they walked down the street. Regina had got there early, and when she saw Emma walking through the door, Regina was filled with an indescribable warmth and joy. Like every blood vessel in her body was bursting with happiness for no other reason than the fact that Emma was there. Regina didn’t think twice when she greeted Emma at the doorway with a kiss, one that Emma was happy to reciprocate.
And then, a flash of rainbow light shot out from their lips, spreading throughout the town. They jumped apart, Emma confused and Regina horrified. The people in Granny’s were equally shocked, and from the way they stared at her, Regina knew that they had regained their memories.
Emma had questions and Regina didn’t have answers. In her panic, Regina fled the diner.
♫♫♫
When Regina awoke from her depression-induced slumber, it was late at night. She groaned and forced herself to sit upright, rubbing her face. She needed a shower. She needed a drink (She needed a lot of other things, but those two she could actually get).
About an hour later, Regina stepped out of the shower, still as depressed as before but at least she didn’t smell bad. She reached for her decanter to pour herself another glass, groaning when she realized that it was empty. That meant leaving her room and going downstairs, passing their rooms.
Fuck it. The drink was more important. And she’d have them eventually.
Regina opened the door to Henry’s room first, even though the guest room was closer. Her heart wept at the toys and comic books and crumpled bed sheets that had a thin layer of dust from lack of use. Regina had half a mind to sit on his bed and cry into his pillow… but she didn’t. She had shed an ocean’s worth of tears for him already.
Then there was Emma’s room. Or rather, the guest room, seeing as anything relating to Emma had been removed while Regina was behind bars. That was the thing about Emma; she had very little to hold her down. Even knowing Emma’s past, Regina was surprised to see Emma bring only five boxes when she moved in. Unlike Henry, whose room had over ten years of memories, Emma’s room had been furnished just enough to call it hers, but not enough to establish permanence. Emma once confessed that she hoped to get more things to fill up her living space, and Regina assured her that things would fill up over time. Clearly, the time they had spent together wasn’t long enough.
Regina wasn’t sure what hurt more, a room overflowing with memories, or a room stripped of them.
Regina wanted to run back to her room and cry under the covers again, but no, she was better than that. She could compose herself for a few minutes to go downstairs and refill her decanter. The crying could resume after she drank her sorrows away.
She left the guest room and finally her descent downstairs. Each step made her legs ache, a painful sign of underuse. She would have to start moving around a bit more—Emma and Henry couldn’t see her like this. Regina sighed sadly at the thought, realizing that she still held the unrealistic hope that she’d be a part of their lives again.
By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs, Regina’s legs and back were screaming for her to sit down. Regina stumbled forwards, plopping down unceremoniously on the first surface she could reach.
Ah. This was… the piano bench.
♫♫♫
“Emma! You startled me,” Regina said, abruptly closing the piano lid.
“Oh, don’t stop! You were great,” Emma said, sitting down to Regina’s right on the piano bench. “I didn’t know you could play.”
“You’ve only seen this piano every time you’ve stepped into the living room, dear.”
“Yeah, but I never saw you play before! How long have you been playing?” Emma asked.
Truthfully, the piano came with the curse twenty-eight years ago. It was a beautiful black baby grand that had been polished to perfection. Regina initially enjoyed just owning such a valuable object, but her curse had given her plenty of time to learn how to play.
“I really only started when I was an adult,” Regina told Emma. “I liked music as a child, but my mother didn’t approve. She believed that playing an instrument was beneath someone of our status.”
“I’m so sorry,” Emma said quietly. Regina had confided in Emma some of the horrors that her mother had subjected her to as a child. “So, you learned when you moved out?”
“Yes, before I adopted Henry, and believe me, I wasn’t very good at all.” Regina laughed, thinking back to many nights of slamming keys in frustration. “But I learned a little over time. I tried to get Henry to play when he was little, but he was never that interested, so only I ever play.”
“Must have picked that up from me, because I can’t play for shit,” Emma joked. “What do you usually play?”
“I don’t know if I have a specific genre,” Regina mused, “but I tend to play pieces that evoke certain emotions.”
“Emotions? How do you mean?”
“I told you before that it’s difficult for me to express emotions at times. My mother… she wanted me to always act a certain way. Obedient, unquestioning, proper. I suppose along the way, all my emotions, aside from anger and hatred, were sealed away.”
It wasn’t technically a lie, though Regina was omitting her years as the queen, when anger and hatred were the only emotions that didn’t make her feel weak. “Of course I feel other emotions, but conveying them isn’t a straightforward process. But when I play certain pieces, I can let those feelings out a little. Never with words though, if I could sing my emotions I wouldn’t have so much trouble expressing them,” Regina explained.
“Like the one you were playing before?” Emma asked.
Regina nodded. “Exactly. Here, I’ll show you how to play some of the melody.” She reached for Emma’s right hand, placing it on the keys.
“W-wait, I don’t know how to play—” Emma began.
“I’ll show just the beginning melody. It’s only sixteen notes.”
“That’s sixteen notes too many!”
“Hush. I’ll walk you through it in sets of four.” Regina played four keys, reciting the notes as she went. “F ~ E ~ A ~ B. Think of it as Fa ~ Mi ~ La ~ Ti.”
“Okay, that was your middle finger, your index finger, your ring finger, and your pinky,” Emma said, following along awkwardly. Her sense of rhythm was a bit off, but she hit the right notes.
“Good, next part. F ~ E ~ D ~ E (Fa ~ Mi ~ Re ~ Mi).”
Emma played the notes. “Then, E ~ F ~ A ~ C (Mi ~ Fa ~ La ~ Do).”
“Lastly, B ~ C ~ D ~ E (Ti ~ Do ~ Re ~ Mi).”
“Uh, Regina?” Emma said sheepishly. “I already kinda forgot all the other notes.”
Regina laughed. “Here, I’ll show you it in full. It’s four bars, four notes per bar.” She cleared her throat and played the sixteen notes, singing as she played.
“F ~ E ~ A ~ B, F ~ E ~ D ~ E, E ~ F ~ A ~ C , B ~ C ~ D ~ E,” Regina sang, perfectly in tune.
Emma stared at Regina’s hand, utterly entranced by the movements.
“Would you like to hear the piece in full?” Regina asked.
“You already know the answer to that,” Emma said.
Grinning, Regina set two hands on the keyboard.
“B ~ F ~ E~D ~ B, A ~ B ~ F ~ D ~ E,” Regina sang. As the music entered the fifth bar, she began to sing the tune she taught Emma.
“F ~ E ~ A ~ B, F ~ E ~ D ~ E, E ~ F ~ A ~ C , B ~ C ~ D ~ E,” she sang. She repeated the same melody for the next four bars, adding more chords to layer the sound and make it fuller. By the time she reached bar seventeen, all ten of her fingers were moving to hit the notes, and she stopped singing to concentrate.
Beside her, Emma began singing along to the music. “Da da da da da da daaa,” she sang. There were no real words spoken, just the feeling of security as the song carried the two of them through the chorus.
And then, Regina’s fingers slowed. “Da da da da, da da da, da da da, da, da da da,” Emma sang. It was a complete babble of “das,” but accompanying Regina’s playing, it made sense, somehow.
As Regina picked up the pace to enter round two, Emma’s accidentally nudged Regina’s shoulder, causing her to fumble a note. Regina nudged Emma back, but her fingers continued to play, her eyes glued to the keys. Perhaps it was because she was playing for Emma that Regina wanted to perform at her absolute best. She ended up playing the piece a little faster than what was intended for the melancholic piece, not that Emma seemed to mind. Playing it at a faster speed actually made the piece sound more hopeful.
As the music trailed to an end, Regina looked up at Emma, whose gaze was still lingering on her fingers. “That was… wow,” Emma said. “The way your fingers moved was just… wow.”
“You already knew I had talented fingers,” Regina teased.
“I could use a reminder,” Emma said, playing along.
“Yes you could.” Regina closed the piano lid and took Emma’s hand. The two of them walked upstairs to Regina’s room.
♫♫♫
“That was about two weeks ago now,” Regina said aloud. “Playing to feel emotions…”
Regina set the decanter on the floor beside her and grabbed a candle from a nearby cupboard. Playing piano was probably healthier than drinking another bottle of wine, and she needed to try to take care of herself, no matter how much she didn’t want to. But proper lighting seemed inappropriate for her current state. A small candle to light the keys was sufficient.
Regina set the candle down on the music shelf, where her sheet music would normally go. She didn’t need to read notes. She knew what she wanted to play.
Her fingers began to move on their own accord, the muscle memory kicking in.
She had first learned this song about seventeen years into the curse, when the loneliness of living in an empty mansion was becoming too much to bear. She remembered latching onto this piece for its soft somberness, how it seemed to capture the state of an inexplicable loss that couldn’t truly be regained.
Regina had lost a lot over the course of her life. Her innocence, her freedom, her loves, possibly even her humanity. Perhaps that was why the song resonated with her so strongly, since she always had a lot to lose. Her curse could be broken at any time, and the happiness that she had made for herself would be gone like, poof. Well, she had indeed lost plenty over this past week, though Regina wasn’t sure it was the curse she was upset about.
Ah, there was the chorus. Regina loved to play that chorus, especially how her right pinky had to stretch a little to hit the high notes. It was a simple composition, but that was what made it so impactful. It felt as though each high note was sending sparks of pain through her hands and into her mind. She got to linger on the pain a bit, accepting that it was there rather than try to bury it away.
Regina squeezed her eyes shut, her body beginning to tremble as her fingers continued to play. That was how she played piano, really. Her fingers would do all the work, while the rest of her body absorbed the song, letting each new emotion tear through her without restraint. And right now, the loss of Henry and Emma brought Regina considerable pain.
“I’m sorry… Henry… Emma…” Regina murmured, tears flowing freely down her face. They were different from when she was drunk—when she cried just to cry. This time, she could feel everything that caused her heart to ache. She felt shame for withholding the truth for so long. She felt grief for losing her family. She felt heartbreak for losing her True Love.
That was the worst part, Regina realized. By Fate’s cruel design, she, the Evil Queen, against all her fears and reluctance to love again, had a True Love in the Savior destined to break her curse. And now, her True Love didn’t want anything to do with her. Because Regina couldn’t tell her how she felt.
The piece ended. Emotionally and physically exhausted, Regina rested her head against the keyboard, and she sobbed.