Chapter Text
“Mac?”
“Dennis?”
Mac unfolded himself from his seat on the ground as the figure that was apparently Dennis neared him on the path. “You hurt?”
“Am I hurt? Yes! I’m hurt! I tweaked my back carrying Charlie’s fatass dead dad up a mountain because you left and I had to shoulder most of the load!” Dennis snapped, slowly trudging closer with his hand still gently cradling his lower back.
“Oh, sorry, Dennis.” Mac replied, face scrunching up as he watched his best friend, “Here, let me help.” He added quickly, reaching forward in an attempt to offer his arm for support.
“Other side, other side.” Dennis hissed, slapping Mac’s arm. Thankfully, taking the obvious hint, Mac quickly moved to Dennis’ other side and offered his arm again, this time Dennis quietly took it, leaning his weight into him, “Thanks.” He muttered as they started to walk. “So, did you realize that if you walked all the way back you’d be alone with Dee?”
“Yeah, decided I’d rather just sit and wait on one of you to quit and catch up.”
“Yeah, good call.” Dennis agreed with a small nod.
It was slow going, but not as slow as Dennis had been going on his own. It was easier putting his weight mostly on Mac, anyways. The wind was picking up at their backs, but thankfully they were no longer walking into it. Still, Mac kept his hoodie up to cover his neck (while Dennis was jealous he had the option).
“Can’t wait to be out of this stupid country.” Dennis muttered, looking off towards the horizon beyond the cliffside. “Nothing good’s come from being here.”
“I don’t know…yeah, bad stuff’s happened but I’m glad I came, ya’ know. Glad I actually got to see it…at least once.” Mac shrugged, eyes glancing at Dennis quickly before looking ahead of them.
“Oh, yes…” Dennis rolled his eyes, “Land of your people and all that.”
“No, I mean….well yeah, but…” Mac sighed, “You know I’ve been thinking of all that. My identity and stuff.”
“Yes, I know, Mac, you haven’t shut up about it.”
“No, you’re not listening to me.” Mac sighed again, “I was thinking about why it’s so important to me, and I think I figured it out.”
Dennis tore his eyes away from the rolling waves and looked back to Mac. His face was lit up, the way it did when he thought he was doing something good and wanted praise for it. Dennis could hardly ever say no to that face.
“Well?” Dennis asked after a silent beat.
“Okay…well, first off, you know how my parents are so great?” Mac started, but continued without giving Dennis a chance to actually answer (Dennis figured this was on purpose), “Well, I don’t…think…they’re very….good.” He seemed to question each word before he let it out his mouth.
“You don’t?” Dennis asked, raising a brow.
“No, and I think…well, your family is like your first identity, ya’ know? Literally, they’re like the first community you belong to, and mine…well, they’re not so good…and they didn’t really give me a good name and then they didn’t really do a lot to help me, so I didn’t really have a lot to go on trying to find my identity. So, I think now it’s like I’ve been floating trying to find an identity and somewhere to belong.” Mac explained, having a bit of trouble getting his point across with only the use of one free hand but managing despite it.
“That actually makes a little bit of sense, Mac.” Dennis noted, cautiously watching him out of the corner of his eyes, not wanting to encourage him too much.
“Right?” Mac’s face lit up briefly before going serious again, “I think it’s why I like church so much. It’s like a family, or it’s supposed to.” Mac shrugged, “Anyways, I think that’s why identity is so important to me. I spent so long trying to figure out who I was, I just want to be sure about it now.” He went on, “But I think I figured it out.”
“Oh, yeah?” Dennis questioned, kind of just wanting Mac to get to the point. True, listening to him ramble meant Dennis himself didn’t need to talk and focusing on Mac’s meandering thoughts meant Dennis wasn’t alone with his own - but he had had about enough with Mac’s identity crisis for one trip.
“Yeah, you see…you guys are my identity.” Mac smiled.
Well, that wasn’t what Dennis was expecting.
“What?” Dennis asked, brows creasing in confusion with a sharp look in Mac’s direction.
“Yeah, it’s like…I didn’t really know who I was or could be, not really. Not until they sat me next to Charlie in second grade. Then it was Charlie and Ronnie and it was cool.” Mac smiled, “And yeah, I tried to be like my dad with the drugs and shit later but that wasn’t really me…I don’t think. I just liked being important and it was easy.” Mac shrugged, “But then we met you and Dee. And eventually Frank came along, and I went from having a joke name and no one to…well, you guys.” Mac gave another small smile, “So, you guys are my identity. I’m Mac of the gang.”
“So, that’s what you’ve decided?” Dennis asked, glancing at him briefly before looking forward again.
“Yeah, above everything else I’m a member of the gang, that’s my identity.” Mac smiled.
“I kind of like the sound of that.” Dennis replied softly, “Good for you, man, figuring it out.” He added with as much sincerity that Dennis could muster. And it was a nice thought, at least for the next five minutes before Mac would inevitably forget he had it.
“Thanks.” Mac smiled, pleased with himself for having somewhat impressed Dennis enough to admit to agreeing with him. “Ya know, there’s something else I’ve been thinking about that I wanted to tell you.”
“You must have been thinking a mile a minute back there, buddy.” Dennis reasoned with a quick look.
“What? Oh, no I was thinking about this before I sat down.” Mac explained.
“Oh, well what is it then?” Dennis asked, keeping his eyes on the path before them. He felt Mac’s eyes on him but kept his own forward. There was something happening, some change in the atmosphere that Dennis was convincing himself had to be rain coming in rather than anything in the look of Mac’s eyes.
Mac had gone quiet, stewing in the silence of the whipping wind and the shuffle of their feet along the dirt path. There was the threat that Dennis would get impatient and snap at him, but Dennis seemed more concerned with avoiding Mac’s gaze to chance looking over at him. For once, Mac wasn’t disappointed, he was actually a little thankful for it. The lack of Dennis’ steely gaze let him work his confidence up from his gut until he was able to speak up.
“Dennis, ” He didn’t know if it was the tone or his abruptness that caught Dennis’ attention and got him to look over to him, but he forced himself to meet his gaze, “I’m in love with you.”
Mac had said it so casually, or at least he had from Dennis’ perspective. Like he had just noticed the color of Dennis’ shirt and commented on it. Like he had just spotted a cool bird he wanted Dennis to see. Like he hadn’t just uttered the most incredibly insane sentence in the 20 some years that Dennis knew him.
The shock must have shown on Dennis’ face.
“Dude, don’t look at me like that, you knew.” Mac sighed, exasperated. “I knew. The gang knew. Hell, half of south Philly knew!” His free hand was thrown up towards the sky to make his point.
“But you said it.” Dennis replied simply, expression unchanging from that of deep shock.
“What?”
“You…but you said it out loud…why would you say it out loud?” Dennis was trying to wrap his mind around the reality of the situation and failing almost as gracefully as Charlie playing Hangman.
“Well, because I figured being in love with you was kinda like being in the closet.” Mac shrugged, “And I remembered after I realized I was gay but before I told anyone I felt like shit, and then after I said it…well, I felt shittier so I went back in, but then I came out again and realized I didn’t need to be scared. So, I got over it and didn’t feel like shit anymore.” Mac explained. “So, I figured if I just told you I loved you than I could accept it faster and move on like I did with being gay.”
Dennis gave Mac another weary look before focusing ahead of them again for a few paces. He glanced back, finding Mac still looking at him, and held the gaze out of the corners of his eyes.
“How do you know?” Dennis asked curiously.
“Know what?” Mac asked. As if there could be any other topic for Dennis to answer with.
“How do you know you’re in love with me?” Dennis sighed, annoyed with having to clarify.
“Oh…I can feel it, man.” Mac replied simply with a shrug.
“Feel it? Feel it how?” Dennis asked, obviously still not buying it.
“It’s like…okay you know when you’re on a rollercoaster and you’re going up the first big hill and when you get to the top they stop the car and make you sit there looking over the edge for a minute?”
“Yeah.” Dennis breathed.
“It’s that. I feel that. Everytime I look at you, or hear you. Hell, sometimes I just got to be thinking about you, Den.” Mac explained with a small smile before letting out a heavy breath when Dennis didn’t say anything, “Listen, this doesn’t have to change anything. I remember what you said, I know it’s never going to happen. That’s not what this is. This is just like…it’s like just a fact about me now that I’ve accepted and wanted to let you know.”
“A fact?” Dennis still sounded a bit distance, not entirely in the conversation.
“Yeah, it’s like…” Mac stopped walking and in the process Dennis stopped. Mac turned to face him a bit more, straightening his back, “My name’s Ronald McDonald, I’m a forty-something year old gay man from south Philly where I own a bar with my best friend Charlie Kelly, and my other best friend-slash-roommate Dennis Reynolds - who I just so happen to have been in love with since we were sixteen.” Mac rattled off like he had it memorized, “Just another fact about me.” He added with a shrug before turning to start walking again, Dennis being forced to follow to keep using him as a crutch.
“I still…” Dennis started after a few more paces of silence, “How do you know what you feel is love? How do you know it’s not a crush or….infatuation?”
“A crush? You think I’ve just had a crush on you for twenty years? Man, I can’t even watch a three hour movie. I don’t have the attention span for that.” Mac chuckled. “Trust me, I’ve gone through every excuse I can come up with and I can’t. There’s nothing else for it. I used to think I was just obsessed with you being my best friend, which I kinda think you have to be a little bit obsessed with someone to want them to be your best friend. But Charlie’s also my best friend and I don’t feel for him the same way I feel for you. I mean I love the guy, but it’s not the same.”
“But what’s different? Why me?” Dennis asked looking over to him, brow creased. Mac almost pointed out that didn’t sound like the Golden God he knew but the look on Dennis’ face seemed too sincere for that.
“Well…I mean besides the wanting to have sex with you and stuff?” Mac questioned, pausing just in case Dennis did actually want to talk about that but when his expression told Mac he didn’t, Mac went on, “I don’t know, you’re like my favorite person and stuff. I like hanging with you and the gang but when it’s just us…I kinda like it more.” Mac shrugged, “Always have.” He looked down at his feet for a few paces before looking up suddenly again.
“Remember that one time you said I made you feel safe?” Mac asked, pushing back his hoodie where it had gotten in his eyeline.
“Yeah.” Dennis replied with a small nod, eyes not exactly meeting Mac’s.
“I feel that with you. I feel safe with you leading, I trust you because I know even if shit goes wrong you could get us out of it.” Mac explained, “Also, I just like a bunch of little things about you.” He shrugged and looked forward again. “Figure the only way I could like half of the annoying shit you do is by being in love with you.”
Mac didn’t go on, but Dennis’ gaze had finally reached him. Dennis’ tongue flickered over his bottom lip before his teeth bit down on it. And finally he made a decision.
“Like what?”
Mac turned to look back at him and caught his gaze, taking a deep breath with the jolt of it.
“Well…” Mac faltered. “Um…okay so like sometimes when you’re really happy, it’s like your body reacts before you can and you start to smile, but you don’t want people to see you smile so you like…you bite it back and you end up making this stupid face.” Mac paused to try and recreate the look himself. If that was how he looked happy Dennis wasn’t sure he ever wanted to be happy again. “I love it.” Mac chuckled, “You looked like that when I got you the RPG, that’s how I knew you really liked it.”
“Oh.” Was all Dennis could manage.
“Yeah…and you know in the morning when you put lip gloss or chapstick or just…you know shit on your lips and stuff? You always make this pop noise.” Mac went on, recreating the pop noise of squeezing his lips together and then pulling them apart. “It used to bug the shit out of me, hearing it every morning but then…when you went to North Dakota I didn’t hear it anymore and I missed it.” Mac admitted. “Cause I realized I actually loved when you made that annoying as shit noise.”
Dennis had opened the door a crack and Mac had burst his way through - there was no stopping him now. Which really, Dennis should have seen that coming. Getting Mac to shut up was always difficult, but he wasn’t sure he had the brain power to even attempt it right now.
“Oh, another thing. When you fold your laundry you always put your shirts in…in the…” Mac’s face scrunched up in thought, “What’s that word…when the colors go from light to dark…”
“Ombre.”
“Yeah! You put your shirts in ombre when you stack ‘em up.” Mac smiled, “I love when you do that.”
“So…you think you’re in love with me because when you look at me you kind of want to throw up, but in a good way. You like my stupid face and how I do laundry. I’m your favorite person, and you like hanging out with me.” Dennis listed off, this time being the one to stop their progress down the path.
“Dude, it’s more than that. I’m just not good with explaining it.” Mac sighed again, hanging his head. Dennis didn’t say anything in return, but took a step towards the other man. Feeling his presence Mac looked up, brow creasing a little. To his shock Dennis leaned forward and out of instinct Mac leaned back, brow creasing, “What you doing, dude?”
“Trying something.” Dennis replied simply, this time reaching out to touch his finger tips just under Mac’s jaw, holding him in place, before leaning in to close the gap between them.
It was not a spectacular kiss by any means. Certainly not like the ones Mac had dreamed about. It was simple with little fanfare. Closed mouthed with just two sets of lips pressed against each other. Just the whistling wind by their ears and the scratch of Mac’s stubble on Dennis’ cheek. Dennis was the one to pull away. The first thing Mac seeing when he opened his eyes being Dennis’ steel blue ones still somehow locked on his.
“We’ll talk about it when we get home.” Dennis said simply, some surety in his tone.
Mac was too stunned to even ask if Dennis should be kissing people so soon after getting Covid.
“Hey assholes!”
Dennis turned to look over his shoulder behind them as Mac leaned to look around him. Frank was waddling his way down the path towards them, hand waving in some attempt to either balance himself or catch their attention.
“Frank?” Mac shouted after the approaching figure.
“I knew that was youse two! Wait up!” Frank shouted against the wind.
Dennis took a deep breath, his hand releasing Mac’s arm as he started down the path again. Mac watched him for a few paces before looking back towards Frank.
“Hurry up, Frank!” Mac shouted back over his shoulder. Chest pounding Mac reached up, tugging the strings of his hoodie to give his hands something to do before turning to follow after Dennis.