Chapter Text
“Without power, can one become a hero? No, I should think not… It’s not wrong to dream. However… you need to be realistic, kid.”
It’s barely been an hour since Izuku was told this by the greatest hero in the world. He always knew that if he ever got the chance to speak to All Might, his words would be unforgettable but he didn’t think it’d be like this. The words still ring in his ears like a chime that just won’t stay silent. Why is it that everytime he lets himself have a glimpse of hope, it gets shot down almost immediately for no better reason than the fact that he’s quirkless?
He woke up that morning actually feeling somewhat confident and he even got to watch a few new pros in action which made him feel even better. But, as his luck would have it, everything gets ripped away from beneath his feet… like it always does.
You think you can rub shoulders with me?!… What can you even do?!… He’s so lame. Even as a third year, he still can’t face reality… You wanna be a hero so bad? I got a time-saving idea for you. If you think you’ll have a quirk in your next life, you can take a swan dive off a roof!
Really, he’s pretty used to getting told that kind of stuff by his classmates but, the familiarity of it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Even then, he never takes the words to heart.
The universe has its way of sending signs. Almost as if it was listening, he was nearly killed on his way home from school. Sure, he was saved by All Might (which he still hasn’t fully comprehended) but after, he was hit with the weight of a thousand suns as he watched the most powerful man in the world deteriorate into a sickly old man and tell him that his dream of being like him is impossible. It’s not like a part of him hasn’t always known that he wouldn’t be able to be a hero but, it feels like a punch to the gut to be told that by the people he admires the most.
It’s almost like this entire day was a rushed origin underdog story for the main character of a shonen manga.
Anyways…
Now he’s wandering aimlessly with tears streaming down his cheeks. The sidewalk is jagged and everything around him feels wrong and out of place— himself included. The last person to believe in him was himself and now… it just feels like he’s lost his purpose. There’s really nothing left to believe in. He could always be a police officer like All Might said?
Despite his desperation for safe haven at the moment, Izuku found that he subconsciously stumbled upon another villain attack. He isn’t surprised that everyone is just standing and watching the conflict like it’s some sort of street performance. Everyone treats crime as an opportunity for Heroes to bare their fangs and show what they’re made of but no one considers how much work the heroes put in to protect civilians nor do they consider how scared the victims must be.
He decides to join the crowd because he’s a hypocrite and likes gawking at the heroes as much as everyone else does. As he watches, it doesn’t take long for him to realize that the villain is the same one that had attacked him earlier today but somehow causing explosions this time and the heroes on the scene are doing nothing about it.
All Might caught him though so… It can’t be the same guy, right? Could All Might have let him go? Or could it be that the villain got away while Izuku was bombarding him…?
He can’t help but begin to blame himself as he feels his tears stop. If he had just said ‘thank you’ and left All Might alone like a normal person, this wouldn’t have happened, and now the other pros are helpless while All Might is completely out of strength to be able to do anything to stop him for a second time.
Hang in there… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!! Someone will come to save you soon… a hero’s bound to come… he thinks to himself as he watches the unfortunate victim struggle against the sludge. It’s hard to see who the villain captured through the smoke and debris but for a split second he can see blond hair and pleading red irises…
…Kacchan?
His eyes widened at the realization and before he knew it, he was shoving his way through the crowd and running towards danger at full speed. He can feel his whole body shaking with adrenaline and his uniform is stretching and straining so much against his movement, he feels like it might rip.
Why’re the heroes just standing around? Why is it that Izuku was saved but no one is willing to save Katsuki?
Once he was close enough, he threw his backpack at the villain and started to dig and claw at the sludge. Up close, he can tell Katsuki is drowning . His fingers just go straight through so he can feel the skin on Katsuki’s cheek underneath all the sludge and his nails feel like they’re going to rip off with how violently he’s digging into the mud. He keeps digging and digging but his effort is amounting to nothing as he watches the color in Katsuki’s face deteriorate.
Suddenly, his ears are ringing and he’s laying on asphalt. He feels blood trickling down his face from his forehead but that doesn’t matter right now. He wasn’t quick enough… or strong enough…
He’s useless against this guy…
Who is he kidding? He’s useless against anyone. He was stupid to think he’d be able to do anything other than get in the way. At least he didn’t stand around and just watch like the heroes are doing though… they didn’t even go after Izuku when he ran through the barrier… idiots.
It takes him a while to realize that he was knocked back by one of the rogue explosions coming from the sludge and he watched the light from Katsuki’s eyes fade as he continued to struggle. Izuku remembered how much pain he was in when he was attacked by the same gooey freak and he can’t imagine how much pain Katsuki must be in right now as the slime forced its way down his throat. He tries to get back up because… he can’t just sit there and watch his childhood friend die, right? That’s not what a hero would do… right?
He goes to put weight on his leg but he falls right back on his ass and discovers that his leg is bent at an odd angle. It must’ve broke in the blast that threw him backwards which is weird because he can’t even feel it. He can't put weight on his arm either so he’s stuck just staring at Katsuki as he continues to fight. Izuku doesn’t think he’s ever seen Katsuki shed a tear but… he can almost hear the cries for help through the desperate look in the others eyes.
He can recognize the exact moment Katsuki lost consciousness and was ultimately reduced to a meat suit for this sludge villain to possess. His eyes fluttered shut as he stopped resisting and his skin went pale as the rogue explosions stopped reeking their havoc . It was so quiet for a moment that he almost forgot there was a whole audience behind him. Once it was obvious that Katsuki wasn’t conscious anymore to struggle, the villain began forcing the rest of himself into him and Izuku could hear the crowd scream in shock and disgust before scattering.
He threw up so violently at the sight that his throat started to burn. There’s vomit all over his uniform and tears dripping quickly down his face. He can’t hear himself screaming but he can sure as hell feel it ripping his vocal chords apart. Katsuki was dead because All Might didn’t have the strength to stop this villain for a second time today. He was dead because of Izuku's childish dream of being a hero.
Izuku continued to sit there, ignoring whatever injuries he had. He couldn’t stop his screaming until he froze in fear when blood and sludge began to spill out of Katsuki's nose and ears. Katsuki's eyes propelled themselves out of their sockets like projectiles and they began to seep a disgusting mixture of blood and slime until it was gruesomely replaced by the sludge villain's own crooked pupils. Izuku looked over and noticed that one of the crimson eyes he once admired was now laying a few feet away from his broken leg, covered in ash and blood.
“Ha…” Izuku heard a voice resembling Katsukis but it sounded… much deeper and wet sounding. Almost like he was gargling. This can’t be real.
“I knew kids were stupid but you…” he paused and pointed at Izuku, “must be a complete fucking idiot if you thought an ugly ass backpack would do a damn thing! Or…” he walked towards Izuku while his body made a disgusting, squishy sound with each step he took, “you really believed you’d be able to stop me? You think you’re above me? HAH?!”
Katsuki… no… this monster walks closer and closer until he was right in front of Izuku. He limply raises his hand and rubs some of the blood off of Izuku’s forehead. His fingers are so cold.
“You think a useless, quirkless child could do anything to save anyone? Is that what you think, DEKU?!”
How- how did he…?
“Izuku!”
✰❣︎✯♥✰❣︎✯♥✯❣︎✰♥✯❣︎✰
“Izuku! Honey! Are you alright?”
Izuku gasps for air and his eyes shoot open to see his mother panicking above him. He’s been having the same nightmare for nearly a week, everyday since he saved Katsuki from the sludge villain. But this is the first time he woke up in the comfort of his mothers arms. Her warmth is so relieving that he forgets to question what she was doing in his room in the first place. He can feel his rapid breathing steady in her embrace.
“Oh Izuku! I realized you had slept past your alarm so I came to check on you and you were tearing up and squirming in your sleep! I didn’t know what to do! It looked like you were about to hyperventilate with how fast you were breathing! Are you alright now? Do you need water? You don’t have to go to school today if you don-” she sputters in a panic but Izuku cuts her off with a hug, tighter than the previous one, and more relieved sobs.
He should be happy right now. Unlike in his nightmares, he was recognized for his heroics by the man he admires the most. He’s All Might's new successor so he should be ecstatic but… instead he’s been waking up nauseous and in a pool of his own tears because of the repetitive, horrific nightmare of losing his… whatever Katsuki is to him…
He’s not sure why he keeps having these nightmares and the frustration of not knowing makes him heave harder in his mom's arms. Why does it feel like my dreams are coming true at the expense of Kacchan's safety? Why do I feel so guilty? Why did he have to be attacked for me to be recognized as heroic? Why didn’t I do anything until I realized it was him? Would I have done the same for a stranger? Do I deserve to be a hero?
He eventually calms down, thanks his mom and reassures her nothing is wrong and he just had a bad dream despite her protests. He doesn’t want to worry her and he doesn’t think he’s ready to have this conversation yet mainly because he’s not sure what he would even say. He shoots All Might a text to confirm what time they’re meeting for training, and starts to get ready for school.
He takes a bath, attempts to tame his hair, gets dressed as neatly as he can, eats what his mother made for breakfast, and heads to school as if everything was fine.
He’s not running late per se but he typically likes to leave a little earlier than others in order to avoid Katsuki and his lackeys.
As a result of his nightmare, he leaves a little later than he usually does and he walks to the train station cautiously to avoid being potentially picked on when he’s already in a shitty mood. The sidewalks are busier around this time of day so it’s not that difficult to hide but… the air around him feels thick with paranoia. Katsuki hasn’t really done anything to antagonize him since the sludge incident but he’s still nervous about potentially doing the wrong thing.
But also something just feels off. He can’t put his finger on what it might be though.
He sees Katsuki's friends walking about a block ahead of him but… no Katsuki. Where is he? Is he alright? Why isn’t he with them? Did he get attacked again?
Anxiety sends cold shivers over his skin. Just because he was told he could be a hero doesn’t guarantee he’d be able to help anybody after only a week of training. This week has been more about fixing his diet anyway. Being able to help against the sludge villain was pure luck.
He’s walking less cautiously and more warily as he speeds up and observes his surroundings to potentially see where the blond could be and then he hears wet coughing and retching. The sound of someone vomiting.
He turns sharply into an alley to find none other than Katsuki… hunched over, throwing up with tears streaming down his pale face with an expression that resembles a mix of fear and annoyance. Annoyance was more than recognizable on the blonds face but fear was different. The fear on his face reminded Izuku of his nightmare but he ignores the memory in favor of wanting to be helpful to him.
“Kacchan…?”