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Not for the first time since they arrived, Tony desperately wished they had better visuals of the facility.
They had rushed there, grabbed whatever gear they could, made zero plans, and did zero reconnaissance all because of a 78% chance of Peter being there. If he was being honest, Tony would have gone with a .1% his kid was being held there.
It had been six long months, half a year, and Tony was beyond the word desperate to get him back. As it seemed like the rest of the team was, hurrying along with Tony on what might not even be a rescue mission.
Either way, at least they’d get to take some down HYDRA agents.
When they blasted their way in, the HYDRA agents scattered like mice, all of them running from the Avengers, trying to hide or destroy whatever they were doing down there. Tony saw one of the rooms, it smelled of blood, guts, and decay, making him gag even with the filters on. He prayed his kid never saw that room.
“Tony,” Steve hailed him on the radio. “We breached a lower level, sub basement, we’ve captured and cornered several men, but we think there are more to the right of us. Radar picking up anything yet?”
FRIDAY had scanned the building, but HYDRA was using tech to disguise their heat signatures. While FRIDAY would eventually outsmart them, it took time. It was also disheartening since the kid’s unique biology made him difficult to pinpoint on heat radar too.
“Nothing,” Tony answered after FRIDAY had done a scan. “But I’ll head over there, just in case. I just finished clearing out the upper right wing.”
And by clearing out, he meant taking down several HYDRA agents, their bodies lying broken and hurt, revenge for what Tony suspected they’d done to his kid. The hallways were twisting and turning, but FRIDAY found him a path, and soon he was walking down endless corridors of the sub basement. The whole area was dilapidated, with walls crumbling, the ground dirty, and actual rats and other animals running freely. The base had clearly not been in use or cared for since World War II.
A sound was echoing off one of the long hallways, Tony couldn’t make it out distinctly, with all of the other shouting and loud sounds, especially the ones coming over the com.
“FRI, anything going on down there?”
“There’s one heat signature and it appears there is another signature but I am unable to detect what it is.”
“Peter,” Tony breathed, abandoning all rational thought and charging toward the hallway. He arrived skidding around a corner to see a man, crouched down and facing someone. At first Tony didn’t see anyone, but something moved and Tony could see the man was facing a body. One that was almost completely covered by the man’s frame.
Tony didn’t hesitate, he lifted his blaster, aimed for the man’s head, and shot. The back of his head exploded, raining blood on everything, and his body slumped forward. Tony saw what he both feared to see and needed to.
Peter.
He looked skeletal. He was covered in blood, some of it from the man he just shot, and the rest of it looked like his. His hair was completely shaved, leaving only a light dusting, he looked so different, so not like Peter. Tony thought for a second, that maybe he was wrong, but, no, looking at the kid’s eyes, even as vacant as they were, he knew it was his kid.
Sitting against the wall, a knife stuck out of his shoulder, keeping him in place. He didn’t blink, didn’t look up at Tony, didn’t call his name and come running, there was no joyous reunion, there was nothing but a blank stare.
“I found him,” Tony shouted into the comm. “He needs medical right now. Someone needs to find us.”
As he ran toward Peter, he dissolved his suit, not caring about being hurt or what might come around the corner. Falling to his knees, he shoved the dead man aside, before reaching out and cupping Peter’s face in his hands.
“Hey kid,” Tony said, voice shaking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think about the blood…”
He used his thumb to wipe away some of the blood on both Peter’s cheeks. Peter just kept staring, eyes not even blinking. His whole body was loose, arms and legs splayed out in front of him. If it wasn’t for the rise and fall of his chest, Tony would have assumed he was already dead.
“Oh Pete, are you okay? Talk to me, baby, I need to know you’re okay.”
Tony figured the kid had disassociated, a technique to keep away from the horrors of the world. He also knew trying to shake him awake would do more damage than not, he just had to wait and hope at some point, Peter felt safe enough to come back to him.
“FRI,” he said. “Scan him, find out what we need to deal with first.”
Tony almost didn’t want to know, he could see the knife in his kid’s shoulder, the blood coming from his stomach area, the odd angel his leg seemed to be at. He knew whatever FRIDAY was going to tell him, would break his heart even more.
“Peter is severely malnourished and dehydrated. He has sustained several injuries, the worst appeared to be the 6 inch laceration on his lower right side abdomen. The knife located in his left shoulder has gone through and has damaged several ligaments. His right leg is broken in two different locations, however, one of the bones appears to have healed out of place and is causing further damage to ligaments and muscle. His right wrist is currently dislocated, I advise you to put the wrist back in place to avoid a worse injury.”
“Okay, okay,” Tony said in a panic. “We’ve got this, kiddo. Medical is on their way and we’re going to be okay.”
Tony gently picked up Peter’s wrist, watching as it awkwardly hung off center. “Jesus,” he said. “How could they do this to you?”
Peter still didn’t answer.
When FRIDAY showed a helpful video on putting a wrist back in its place, Tony got Peer’s hand in position. “I know you aren’t hearing me right now and I’m doing this without your consent but I need to fix it, Petey. It’s going to hurt, but I’m here, okay? I’m right here.”
In one swift movement, Tony snapped the wrist back into place, Peter didn’t even flinch. Tony held his hand, moving Peter’s fingers around to make sure everything seemed in place. He messaged the wrist area for a moment too, but Peter still didn’t respond.
“Now I’m going to check on your stomach, Pete. We have to make sure you aren’t going to bleed out before help gets here. I’m going to lift your shirt now and look.”
Waiting for a moment to see if he’d get a response from Peter, he slowly lifted the kid’s shirt when he got no reply.
The cut was nasty looking, a long incision that didn’t look very deep, but Tony could tell it was not only recent but probably infected. The line was jagged, swollen, and puffy along the edges, but the bleeding looked like it was slowly coming to an end.
He looked down at his shirt, ripping it at the bottom to get a long strip of cloth. Very carefully he began to wrap it around Peter’s waist trying not to notice how incredibly thin the kid had become. Once he was wrapped, Tony slowly lowered the shirt back down.
His next thought was to address the broken leg, but he didn’t have anything he could use as a stint for it. He wanted to remove the knife but worried it would cause more damage if he did. He’d rather wait for medical to arrive.
“ETA on medics,” Tony said into the radio. “Peter needs immediate attention.”
“Tony,” Steve called out. “Can you bring Peter to us? It will be a lot faster if you can bring him up to the top level, medics are on their way.”
“I don’t know if I should move him,” Tony admitted. “He’s… well, he’s currently stuck to the wall via a knife in his shoulder. I don’t know if I can risk pulling it out.”
There was silence over the coms before Natasha started. “Is there anything you have that can staunch the bleeding once you pull it out? As long as you’re careful, pulling it straight out, it will do the least damage.”
Looking around, Tony saw the dead man laying next to them, sighing as he moved over to him, ripping his shirt. “Yeah, I have something. Give me a minute, then I’ll be heading your way.”
“Sorry kid,” he addressed Peter as he brought over a section of the dead man’s shirt. “This is terrible, but we need to do it. I’m going to pull the knife out and we’re going to wrap your shoulder up the best we can.”
Putting his hand on the hilt of the knife, he used the other to gently push back above where it went in, making sure he didn’t pull Peter forward. Without Peter being able to hold himself back or give his body much tension, he had to be careful. Slowly but surely, he pulled the knife out, watching as the wound gushed blood. He tossed the knife aside, immediately putting the dead man’s shirt up against the wound area. It wasn’t the best bandage, but after lifting Peter’s arm, he was able to wrap it around, covering the wound.
Tony called back the suit, sad to lose physical contact with Peter even for a few minutes, but kept the helmet off. “Alright, kid. I know this is going to be unpleasant, but I’m going to lift you now. I’m going to try my best to keep your leg from getting jostled, okay? You just work on coming back to me soon.”
There had been a few times before, where Tony, in his arm man suit, gave Peter a lift, but usually, the kid was using his stickiness to stay on.
This time, all Tony could do was scoop him up and try to make sure he was in a comfortable position.
“I really wish you’d come back to me soon, kid.”
Tony walked at a brisk pace, trying to make sure Peter wasn’t jostled too much. He talked back and forth with Steve as he went, FRIDAY directing him to the fastest way up and out. He had blasted a few walls, trying to make the trip shorter and shorter, but the corridors were endless and long, seemingly so much so when he had such precious cargo.
When he finally arrived at the top level, meeting with the medics, he almost refused to put Peter down on the gurney but knew it was for the best. At some point in their trip, Peter’s eyes had closed and Tony could only hope the kid had just passed out from exhaustion.
Once he was safely on the gurney, he watched as the team rushed him into one of the awaiting helicopters.
Steve’s hand landed on his shoulder a second later. “We’ve got him back, that’s the hardest part. We’ll work through whatever happened to him, he’s got the best support system he can have,” he said, just as the helicopter took off, taking his kid away from him once more.
-
It was another four hours before Tony got a chance to see the kid again. In that time, Peter had two surgeries, one to re-break and fix his broken leg and one to address the stomach and knife wound, both cleaned and stitched up. Tony had managed to shower, change and stuff down whatever food Pepper had offered him.
Peter had woken up at some point after being put in the private medbay room, Tony wished he’d been there but FRIDAY told him he seemed responsive again, if not a little unsure and resolved, and more importantly, asking for Tony and May.
He let May, who had been waiting at the Compound during the mission, go in to see him first and alone. Tony had his reunion, however not as he wanted it to be, he wanted May to have a slightly better one. To see Peter not as broken and hurt, but instead, awake and already on the mend, psychically at least.
They were only in there for a half hour before May pushed open the door and beckoned for Tony to come in.
Peter was sitting up in bed, looking better, but still nowhere near his normal self. But he blinked at Tony, his lips crawling into a very stunted smile. Tony returned an even bigger one. “Hey kid, how are you feeling?”
“Okay,” Peter answered in a hoarse voice, before clearing his throat a little. May was already by his side, handing him a cup with a straw in it. He took it from her with his left hand, his right lying at his side still.
“Your wrist feeling okay?” Tony asked, hoping not to have to explain what he’d done to Peter while he was catatonic. He remained awkwardly standing at the foot of Peter’s bed, unsure if the kid wanted him to stay or not.
Peter finished drinking, May took the cup from him. “Just sore,” Peter answered. “Thank you for… um, putting it back.”
“Oh, you remember that?” Tony asked before he could catch himself.
Peter nodded. “Sorry,” he whispered, not looking Tony in the eyes.
“Hey, no sorries, kiddo. I’m glad to see you awake and talking,” Tony answered.
Yawning, Peter’s eyes started drooping a little, May reached over to the remote for the bed. “Why don’t you get some more sleep, sweetheart?”
Peter nodded, and May lowered the bed down a little more. “You’ll be here?” Peter asked quietly.
“Of course, nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Peter seemed to take that as permission, he was sound asleep only a few minutes later.
And that was how it went for nearly two solid weeks. May was at Peter’s side nearly 24/7, only leaving when Peter was asleep but never for too long. Tony visited, as did some of the other team, but the entire time Peter was as quiet as a field mouse. He wasn’t submissive and to Tony’s relief, didn’t seem to be scared of anyone.
He was just quiet.
He answered questions when asked, and asked for things like water or food but he rarely engaged anyone in conversation. Tony knew he was following along and could tell Peter was listening and paying attention, but he seemed so unwilling to be a part of any conversation, to talk to anyone, to have any bit of attention given to him.
No one wanted to ask him about his time with HYDRA, at least not yet. From the information, they were able to gather from the base of Peter’s physical injuries, a very clear picture had been painted. They were experimenting on him, using him to try to create their super spider soldier. Reading the information, it was all cynical and precise, Tony couldn’t get past the first 5 pages without wanting to puke.
He had no idea how he’d even hear about it from Peter.
After two weeks most of Peter’s physical injuries had healed, so he was moved from the medbay into his room at the Compound. He’d also convinced Peter to let Ned and MJ visit, both of which had been hounding Tony and May nonstop to see him. Tony had hoped his best friends would bring Peter out of his shell a little more. He seemed to smile a little more when he saw them but otherwise stayed just as quiet and reserved. He accepted their hugs, answered questions, and even, for a few minutes, seemed genuinely happy to be there, but it wasn’t the real Peter.
The next step, which Tony had discussed already with May, was talking to Peter about discussing therapy.
It was going to be a long road, Tony knew, but he was determined to help Peter through it and out the other end.
-
Nearly a month after Peter had been rescued, very little had changed.
He smiled a little more, and occasionally joined in on conversations but remained unusually quiet. When he started physical therapy, he struggled, he was still strong but his time with HYDRA had taken its toll on his body. Tony stayed for most sessions, Peter hadn’t explicitly asked him to, but Tony felt like he needed to be there.
It was difficult to watch someone like Peter, who always moved with grace and fluidity, struggle sometimes to even walk a few feet without limping. The kid never complained, he simply gritted his teeth and pushed on, working hard to regain all of his normal remarkable strength.
They found out thanks to some x-rays and paperwork at HYDRA, they had taken a liking to break his right leg, seeing how long it took for the bones to mend and then, breaking two or more bones, trying to see which ones would heal first.
It made Tony’s blood boil, anger built up inside of him, rage that he couldn’t have killed every single one of those HYDRA agents who broke his kid.
Peter agreed to start therapy too, he had seen a therapist previously, one that Tony had found him, so he seemed willing to go back to her, if not a little apprehensive. Tony read the reports she sent May and Peter talked, although he avoided the topic of his time with HYDRA pretty regularly. The therapist seemed to think Peter was getting better, slowly opening up his feelings and making vague illusions as to what had gone on there.
Everything still made Tony feel so restless. He had the kid back, and he had Peter once more, but he couldn’t help but feel like most of Peter was left back there in those long, dead, and decaying corridors.
Early one morning, Tony made his way out of his lab after an all night bender. He usually tried to sleep a little, so he could be up in the morning with Peter, who had physical therapy right after breakfast. Before he did so, he wanted to check on Peter, something he found himself doing fairly often. Even when he knew without a doubt the kid was somewhere safe, he found himself pulling up FRIDAY’s feed, or going to look with his own eyes. Too paranoid that Peter could be taken from him again.
Walking to Peter’s room, he listened against the door, waiting to see if he could hear Peter awake and moving. When there was no sound, he turned the door handle, pushing the door open just enough to see Peter’s bed.
Which was empty. Tony’s heart nearly leaped from his chest. “FRI,” he called, panic rising in his voice. “Where is Peter?”
“On the roof.” FRIDAY’s answer came but it provided very little relief.
“How long has he been up there?” Tony asked as he made his way out of Peter’s room and towards the roof. His heart thumped so loudly, he was sure it could be seen by anyone who looked.
“For about 3 hours,” FRIDAY answered, leaving an unsettling feeling crawling through Tony’s skin. No one wanted to say it out loud, but all of them could see just how depressed Peter was. Maybe they should have said something, pushed a little harder for Peter to feel better… but Tony knew, better than most, you couldn’t just tell someone who’d been through something like Peter had, that everything was okay, that it would be better. They got him into therapy, they’ve been trying hard to include him, they’ve been doing everything to make him feel welcome and loved, but sometimes, things like that just weren’t enough to bring someone back off the ledge.
But god, Tony hoped Peter wasn’t that far gone.
Running up the stairs, he pushed the emergency door open and relieved the large gravel roof of the Compound. He spotted Peer right away, the lone figure sitting on the far right ledge, overlooking the grounds. He hesitated at the door, not wanting to scare the kid but a second later, Peter turned around and waved at him.
Tony took it as an invitation, making his way across the rooftop, willing his heart to stop beating so rapidly. He had a protocol set up to warn him if Peter left his room at night, or was otherwise distressed. The fact that FRIDAY did not do anything of the sort, made him wonder if Peter had done some sneaky coding at some point. How many times had Peter escaped to this roof? How many times had he spent the entire night outside and Tony was none the wiser?
“Hey,” Tony said, going as casual as his fears would let him. Peter was sitting on the edge, his feet dangling as he leaned against the bars. Tony sat down next to him, mimicking Peter’s posture. Doing everything he could to stay calm and collected, not to tip Peter off about his fears and worries. The last thing he needed to do was make Peter feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
“I like the view,” Peter said, for the first time since coming back, volunteering something without being asked first. “I was kept underground, you know and I missed…outside.”
Tony cursed himself silently for having kept Peter in the compound for a month, he should have thought about how much the kid might be missing the outdoors. “Shoulda let me know, kiddo. I would have let you out.”
Peter let out a small chuckle that warmed Tony’s heart. “I’m not a dog.”
“Not what I meant,” Tony returned, smiling, scared to ruin this moment between them by asking too many questions. If Peter wanted to talk, Tony was going to let him.
“I never got to thank you,” Peter said, eyes still out among the trees. “For the rescue, I know… uh, I know it wasn’t like, easy or anything. The base was… it was well protected and really well hidden.”
“There is absolutely no need to thank me, Peter, I would have done anything for you and I’ll do it again, a million times over.”
“I know,” Peter answered. “Jon told me I should tell you,” Peter said, referring to his therapist. “You know, how I feel and stuff because that’s important for growth.”
“Then you’re welcome, I am so glad you’re back, kiddo.”
They went back into silence, watching as the sun settled in its place, the world below them waking up and starting their day. Tony could see cars pulling in, and people coming to their job, soon enough May would be awake too, coming to wake Peter up. Tony was about to suggest they head back in when Peter spoke up.
“Can I tell you something?” he asked tentatively, voice quiet. “But uh, you have to promise not to…,” he paused, clearing his throat before speaking again. “ Well, Jon said you wouldn’t be mad… but just promise me you won’t be?”
Sitting out there on the rooftop, was the most words he’d heard from Peter in a row since he got back. He wouldn’t turn down anything the kid had to say to him.
“Of course, Pete.”
It took a minute before Peter started talking again, still looking straight ahead. “I… well, you know, they, uh, I’m sure you know, right? Some of the stuff… that happened.”
“Some of it,” Tony answered truthfully. “But not all of it, we’re waiting… well, the ball is in your court for when you want to tell us everything. Which,” Tony continued rambling without really wanting to. “Is completely up to you. It would be beneficial for us to know, but if you can’t… then, I’m fine with that.”
SHIELD be damned, Tony wanted to add. He’d been protecting Peter from them for a month now, trying to push them off the case. Trying to make sure they didn’t just grab the kid and force him into talking. They had the reports from HYDRA, which was more than enough for them.
“Yeah, um, thank you for that, uh, yeah I mean, it’s hard to talk about now… which, I know but uh, I should tell you about some stuff.” Another pause. “It got really bad at some points… like, I don’t even know if I can tell you in uh, words how bad it was…”
Tony moved a little closer, moving his arm so there was open space between them, hoping Peter would take the invitation.
He was so relieved when the kid did, scooting so he was pressed against Tony’s side. He put his arm around Peter’s shoulders, pulling him even closer, never, ever wanting to let go.
“I tried to escape… more than once but they were… it wasn’t easy. Whatever they were doing to me, the lack of food and sleep, and all of the experiments. I was just, I was so tired and weak.”
“That’s fine kiddo, I know you would have gotten out if you could have. I’m just so glad you hung on for us to come to get you, so proud of you for being so strong for so long.”
That seemed to have unlocked something in Peter, he let out a strangled sob and started shaking his head. “But… I… I didn’t, I almost... I…,” he sobbed again, gulping in air. “They… they were injecting me with something, some kind of drug. I… they, Tony, I couldn’t do it… anymore… they were breaking my bones,” he stuttered out, tears coming down his face. “Over and over again, it hurt so bad. They were… they were cutting me open too, just taking me apart every single day and I couldn’t… Tony, I couldn’t…”
Tony held him tighter. “It’s okay,” he said softly, turning to kiss the top of Peter’s head. “Take your time.”
“I…tried to… to… you… you know…,” Peter whispered and Tony knew exactly what his kid was going to say. He could feel it deep in his gut, that Peter was so desperate to get away that he was prepared to do anything. Tony wanted to jump in, tell Peter that he loved him and that he understood, but he wanted Peter to talk, wanted the kid to let go of what was sitting deep in him. It was clear that he’d been mulling this over so much, that this is what was keeping him from talking, that his fear of telling was overriding everything.
“I…I managed to grab another vial of the drug and I… I injected it into me and..,” he finally let out, bringing his hands to his face, covering it completely. “I tried to overdose,” he said into his hands, muffled but Tony heard it.
Tony let him cry, and pulled him as close as possible, rubbing his hand up and down Peter’s arm. “It’s okay,” he said softly. “I love you so much Pete, thank you for telling me this.”
Peter cried for a bit, long enough that Tony was concerned May would be in his room already, scared Peter disappeared again. “We can sit out here as long as you’d like, but let me have FRIDAY to tell May where you are, okay?”
Peter nodded into his side, so Tony had the AI inform May of their location. A breeze had started to pick up and Tony could feel Peter shiver slightly. He knew the kid was cold, but he didn’t want to move him just yet. It took a lot for Peter to tell him, he needed to be strong for him, not to fall apart no matter how much Tony wanted to.
Finally, Peter’s sniffles slowed down, pulling his hands away from his face, he still didn’t look at Tony.
“I’m not mad at you or disappointed in you, Peter. I really want you to know that and I’m so glad you told me this. I may not know all the details of your time with HYDRA, but I know they hurt you a great deal. I’m just sorry it took us so long to find you, that you felt like… you only had one way out.”
“I,” Peter started, clearing his throat. “Right before you… saved me, I had tried to… escape again. They… they had a new guard and he didn’t know and… I took the opportunity to try and run again. He shot at me a few times but I managed to knock him out and steal… steal his gun and then I just ran.”
Peter hadn’t said anything before about being in the hallway when Tony found him and they all wondered what had led him there. There had to be some good in the world when Peter’s escape attempt lined up perfectly with his rescue. If it hadn’t, there might have been a chance they would have been able to move Peter, or worse, kill him before anyone even saw him.
“The… the man you killed, I had a gun, and I… I wanted to shoot him but another one would have just come for me, so I threatened to… shoot myself instead,” Peter continued, sucking in deep gulps of air. “I’m s-s-sorry Tony. I… I didn’t… b-because I heard on his radio, your name and I knew you’d come to save me.”
The single thread that had been holding Tony’s emotions at bay finally snapped and he too let tears fall from his eyes. Peter was ready not once, but twice to end his life to get away. He could have lost Peter had he not been there, a few minutes later, he would have found his kid dead and that thought sent Tony down his spiral.
But he had to pull back from it, had to set aside his fears and hold onto the fact that Peter, wonderful Peter, held on knowing he was coming. Peter had so much faith in him, so much love that just the sound of his name made Peter hold on a little bit longer.
“I’ve… I’ve been avoiding it because I thought you… you wouldn’t want someone… who gave up so easily.”
“Pete,” Tony gasped, turning to look at the kid. “Please look at me, kiddo.”
Peter pulled away enough to look up at Tony, his eyes bloodshot, his face tear stained, but he held Tony’s eyes. “I will never, ever, not want you. I don’t care what you do, I don’t care what desperate measures you might take. I’m sorry we couldn’t find you sooner, I’m sorry you had to endure so much, I’m sorry it got to that point but I am so, so glad you didn’t do it. I’m so, so, proud of you for hanging on, Pete.”
“E-e-ven though, I … I tried b-b-before,” Peter said in a small voice and Tony could see all the guilt and shame that had been holding the kid down. He didn’t see it before but now it was clear, Peter felt like he’d done something so bad, no one would want him again. His silence, his quiet demeanor, was all a way to hold this in tightly.
“Of course, Peter. I love you, kid. So does your Aunt and everyone else who knows you. Am I sad that… you felt that way? Yes. But I will never stop wanting you around. I will never stop caring about you and being so proud of you. No matter what, I will never stop thinking about how brave you really are.”
Nodding, Peter moved to put his head back on Tony’s shoulder and he let him, holding the kid once more.
“Do you think I should tell May?” Peter asked after some silence had passed.
“That’s up to you, Pete, but I’d listen to what Jon recommends that you do and I don’t think for one second that May will think any less of you for it.”
“He.. he said I should tell the people I love, so they… they know.”
“Okay, whenever you’re ready then, okay? If you want me there-”
“Yes!” Peter jumped in. “Please, I don’t… I don’t think I can do it without you.”
“Then, of course, Petey.”
Turning, he kissed the top of Peter’s head. “How about we go inside and warm up a bit? I’ll make pancakes for breakfast and then we’ll head over to physical therapy?”
It took a moment but Peter agreed and the two of them got up and walked back inside.