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Life can be very confusing sometimes. Peter Parker's life is confusing all the time.
He knew that if he sat down he could possibly make some sense of it, but he didn't know if he could handle it. Villains in an assortment of animal costumes always seemed to be on his tail, a senior citizen had such huge beef with him that he kept broadcasting lies all over New York, and now Peter has to figure out the right temperature for his son's milk bottle. He wasn't sure which part of the latter was more confusing, him becoming a father in only a few days or the fact that Felicia insisted that there's only one correct way to give milk to Walter.
Alright, this should do it, he muttered to himself. Not too cold, not too hot. I would drink this.
"Here, bud," Peter said, carefully giving the bottle to the toddler in his arm. "Let's go watch some TV while you drink this, yeah?"
Peter had already started taking them to the couch when Walter said, "No."
Peter pouted and booped his son's nose with his. "What do you mean no?"
Walter mimicked his expression, and Peter couldn't help but notice that Walter's pout looked just like Felicia's. "Too hot."
"Okay, we're going to wait a little bit for it to get colder and then you'll drink every single drop of it," Peter said, taking long strides to his second favourite piece of furniture. He plopped down on it and let out a sigh of content. Somehow, he always felt lighter when he held Walter. Felicia had given him clear instructions to not baby him too much and let him sit on his own, but Peter could not let go of the little guy.
"He's almost three already," he had told her. "I'm not gonna be able to hold him for much longer."
Felicia had simply blinked. "Don't you have super strength?"
Sometimes Peter wondered how on Earth could she do all her acrobatics when she doesn't have any super powers herself. It made him stare at her in wonder every time she bolted from him. Now, he can't help but wonder how many of those times she almost told him about Walter or how she felt going through all this alone. Peter knew she was strong, but he also knew she doesn't like asking for help, and he didn't want to think about how many times she might have just sat on the floor and cried. His heart ached at the thought. Every time he saw her he wished he could hold her and hug her however long it took to make up for the times he should have been there.
A loud noise brought Peter back to the present. Ben Tenison had just pushed the button on his Omnitrix and taken the form of a big, red alien.
It wasn't the first time Walter did it. He would just take Peter's phone, connect it to the TV and then tap on whatever cartoon was recommended first on YouTube. According to Miles, that was a thing all kids Walter's age can do today.
Peter inspected the milk bottle that stood forgotten in his son's lap. "Hey, bud, why haven't you drank any milk? Do you need help?"
Walter looked down at the bottle, then at his father. "It's cold."
Peter's jaw dropped. "Walter. Walt. Buddy. Didn't you say it was hot a minute ago?" He watched in adoration as his son looked up at him with his lips pursed, and he could only guess the gears in his brain were working to give him a good answer.
Said answer must have been to make puppy eyes and feign innocence. Peter of course would let him get away with it, but he knew the little human must have done it on purpose.
"How unfortunate, bud," Peter said in a dramatic tone. "But hear me out. Wouldn't this cold milk be extremely yummy if we put some chocolate in it?" He almost laughed at the sudden change of mood on Walter's part. His eyes got huge and his lips stretched into a grin, showing dimples almost identical to his. "That's what I thought. But shh " -he brought a finger to his lips- "don't tell Mummy about it, alright?"
Walter nodded slowly, as if he understood the importance of the situation. Peter planted a kiss at the top of his head and took him to the kitchen with him as he prepared the chocolate milk.
"Now, Walt, Daddy is going to make some real magic," Peter said as he unscrewed the lid from a jar of Hemmo. "I'm going to turn your milk from white to brown with only a few magic words." He glanced at Walter, who didn't seem to be buying it. He cleared his throat for effect before quickly adding a spoonful of the chocolate powder in the bottle and closing it tight. "Abra cadabra, wipe that frown, turn this white milk into brown!" Peter said while shaking the bottle, his thump on the pacifier so the milk wouldn't splash everywhere. He made a surprised face and looked at Walter when he was done, as if he invented sliced bread. "See?"
Walter still wasn't impressed, but he snatched the bottle with a smile and a "thank you" that made Peter's heart melt.
"Let's get back to our show," he said as he sat down again. His eyes couldn't leave from Walter, who was holding the bottle in angle so as to watch Ben 10 but also drink at the same time. Peter snatched a picture and made it his wallpaper without any thought.
He didn't give it any thought either until the following day (him staring at it, practically making heart eyes, before he fell asleep doesn't count).
He was at MJ's place, washing the dishes after their dinner. He had found himself offering to do any chore that came up ever since he found out about Walter. He knew it wouldn't do any good for their relationship, but it kind of helped bring his guilt at lower levels. And while he knew there would never be a good time to come clean about it, he kept delaying it.
"Pete, you have a message!" MJ yelled from the living room. She was working on an article for the Daily Bugle, something that Robbie had begged her to finish since the new intern didn't seem to be turning it in any time soon.
"Is it anything important?" Peter shouted back. Spider-Man stuff aside, Peter wasn't big on keeping secrets. Ever since Mary Jane found out about that, Peter never bothered to hide anything from her, save for a few broken ribs.
"Uh..."
"Yeah?"
MJ walked to the kitchen, with Peter's phone in hand. "Who is this little guy?" she asked amused.
He took a deep breath, already feeling that heavy feeling in his chest. "That's Walter." He had to try hard to not look away. "My son."
MJ's smile faltered. "What?"
Peter bit the inside of his lips. "I found out about him about two weeks ago."
MJ looked at the phone again, and her fingers curled tight around it. "And he's..."
"Yeah, he's also Felicia's son," Peter said quietly. "MJ... I... I'm sorry."
She took a step closer to him and lifted his chin up with her index finger. "What are you sorry for?"
Peter shrugged. "Dragging you into each and every kind of... of abnormal thing that happens to me."
MJ smiled small. "I think a baby is the most normal thing that has happened in your life." She rolled her eyes. "Well, not exactly. But it's on the list. Considering the other stuff."
Peter let out a dry laugh. "Yeah, I suppose."
"So? How is it?"
Peter could tell MJ was trying to be happy for him, but her faltering smile and her shaky hands betrayed her. Those blue eyes that he had stared at a hundred thousand times were shining, but it wasn't only for good things. A part of him wanted to lie, say it wasn't as good as people say it is, just so she wouldn't feel... whatever negative feeling she was feeling.
"It's... It's amazing," Peter admitted because he knew MJ would take his honesty any day. "He actually knew I was his dad when I met him so he seems to be comfortable with me."
MJ smiled. "That's great. I'm sure you're going to be an amazing dad."
Peter sighed. "I haven't even sat down to process that I am a dad yet. Even though Walter calls me that, and I call myself that in front of him. It's..." He moved his hands away from his head, mimicking a mind explosion.
"Yeah, I'll bet," MJ said with a laugh that was almost forced. "I can see you as a dad but Felicia a mum? That, I can't wrap my head around."
"She's great," Peter said without a second thought. He hadn't been doing much thinking these days, not when it came to talking anyway. "You should come over the next time I have Walt."
MJ clasped Peter's shoulder. "Maybe I shouldn't."
"No, you really should," Peter insisted, already fantasizing about it. "Just give him some chocolate and he's going to love you forever."
MJ's lips stretched into a straight line. "Peter. I can't."
And that's when it hit him. Sometimes Peter wished his spider sense would also warn him about things like that to replace his lack of common sense.
"MJ, it's alright. You don't have to give me any space." He smiled and placed a chaste kiss on her lips. "I don't ever want any space from you."
MJ shook her head and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm the one who needs the space," she whispered.
"But... It can't be because of Walter, right?"
MJ pulled away so she could look at him. "Not exactly. It's just that..." She took a breath. "I also thought that Felicia might not be lying but refused to dig into it because... because I couldn't face it."
"Oh."
"Yeah. I tried doing that thing you do where you live in denial until you absolutely have to face reality but it doesn't work for me."
Peter could practically feel his heart breaking. And although he was often completely clueless when it came to reading into things, he could understand what Mary Jane didn't want to admit. Ever since they got back together again, there was a ghost in the room, freaking her out and making her insecure. Peter did his best to shoo it away and let MJ know that it didn't mean anything but he knew, deep down, that he loved it, and thus it could haunt them forever.
It didn't help that he had a child with it.
And he had never been so torn in his life. He knew that if he took a breather and listened carefully, he would hear the answer, but he wasn't ready. Because there was MJ, the girl he knew since forever. His partner in crime, who grew to be his partner in fighting crime. He trusted her with his life. Being with her was supposed to be easy, just two friends turned into lovers somewhere along the way. And yet, whenever they tried, it required so much work. He did his best because he really did love her, but he sometimes wondered if love was meant to be that hard, if it was meant to go away if you stepped on a crack on a sidewalk or a black cat crossed your path.
Peter brought MJ closer to his chest and burried his head in her neck. "I'm sorry."
He felt her hand on his back. "Don't be."
"Can we... can we still be friends?"
The silence that followed his question was enough to make his heart race.
"Of course, Tiger."
And so relief washed over him, like a foamy wave calming down the scorching fire inside of him. Peter knew right then that, whatever his feelings were, he would have a friend at his corner and a son to offer the world to. And though it didn't sound like much, it was more than he could have asked for.