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Kan was standing in Akk’s bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he tried to block out the sounds coming from the other side of the door. Akk’s sobbing was hard to take, he felt terrible for running away from it but he was dealing with own jumbled thoughts at the moment and just needed a chance to breathe. Thua wasn’t answering his texts and Kan couldn’t stop seeing the tears slipping down his round cheeks as he told Kan not to protect him, to allow things to happen as they should. Thua needed to be punished as much as Akk needed to be, as much as Chadok did. They were all in pain for different reasons, Dika being dead had pushed everyone too far, even if not all of them had known the man had died until that very morning. Kan sniffled, wiping his eyes angrily. He had just gotten together with Thua, finally figured out his feelings only for everything to fall apart two days later, how was that fair? How dare Thua do that to him! To them! How dare Akk! Kan was so angry but more than that he was sad, horribly and uncontrollably sad. Another sob sounded from out in the dorm catching Kan’s notice, pulling his attention towards the door. He wasn’t the only one sad, he wasn’t the only one betrayed. Sighing heavily, Kan straightened his shoulders, slapping his cheeks a couple times before he steeled himself to head back into the dorm.
Akk was sitting with Ayan in the middle of his bed, both dressed in pajamas, although Akk was also wearing Ayan’s hoodie. He was sobbing against Ayan’s shoulder, the other boy was holding him tightly, trying to calm him down. Rubbing his arms and back soothingly, shushing him in a calming voice. Wat was sitting on the floor next to the bed, also in his pajamas, holding Akk’s phone in his hand. He looked up at Kan from where he was, giving a little shake of his head before handing it over. Kan looked at the phone and saw how many notifications were coming through, texts, tweets, Facebook mentions. He only read a few before sighing, handing it back to Wat. The downfall was happening swiftly and loudly, students and parents alike were calling for Akk to be expelled, his scholarship to be pulled, calling him names, the worst of them telling him to kill himself. There had also been a few missed calls from what looked to be Akk’s parents, it just wasn’t good.
“Akk, please, I need you to calm down before you make yourself sick.” Ayan said gently, running his hands through Akk’s hair. “I know you’re scared.”
“I didn’t even tell my parents yet and now everyone knows, I can’t, I just wanna disappear!” He cried against Ayan, the shorter boy clearly fighting back his own tears as he just swallowed. “I'm sorry! I never meant for any of this to happen, I didn’t know how out of hand this would get and how much it was hurting Thua! I wish I was just dead!”
“No, don’t say that!” Ayan said firmly, pulling back to be able to hold Akk’s face in his hands so that he could look at him properly. “You aren’t allowed to leave me, not like that. Do you hear me?” Ayan said as he stared into Akk’s hollow tear stained expression, he was already dying inside, it was easy to see the guilt eating away at him. “Please, promise me.” Ayan whispered, his own voice catching, Akk just shaking his head before falling forward against Ayan once again, face pressed against his chest, heaving uncontrollable sobs wracking his body.
Wat sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his hand as Akk’s phone continued to go off in his lap.
“Ai’Wat, turn that off.” Kan said to him, Wat nodding as he turned Akk’s phone off completely, shutting it down for the night. Kan then went to Akk’s nightstand, pulling open the top drawer to grab out a small pouch of pills. He opened it and took one out, Wat scrambling to his feet to rush over to grab a bottle of water from his backpack. “Ai’Aye.” Kan said, getting the other boy’s attention. “Here.” He handed the pill he had gotten from Akk’s drawer to Ayan with a little nod toward Akk, holding up the medication pouch for Ayan to see.
Ayan knew what it was, as he took the same pills for his panic attacks, nightmares and stress. “Akk, baby, please, can you take this for me?” He asked softly, attempting to coax the other boy to sit up from his hunched over position against Ayan. He hadn’t even realized he had used a pet name, let alone in front of Kan and Wat, but they knew about them and were there for Akk so it really didn’t enter his mind not to. Akk hiccuped gently as he lifted his head, looking at Ayan with wide eyes. “Can you? Please? Na?” Ayan asked, offering up the pill to Akk, the taller boy looking at it in the palm of his hand. “Come on, Akk.” Ayan soothed, pushing Akk’s sweaty hair off his forehead, kissing it once he did. “It’ll help you calm down.” He assured Akk, who finally gave a numb sort of nod before popping the pill into his mouth.
“Here.” Wat whispered, handing the already opened water bottle to Ayan who held it up to Akk’s lips, helping him take a drink.
“My head hurts.” Akk mumbled once he had taken the pill, Ayan wiping a dribble of water from his chin with his knuckles.
“I know, it’s from the crying and stress.” Ayan said, kissing Ayan’s forehead again.
“Why don’t you lay down?” Wat offered gently, moving to place a hand on Akk’s shoulder, his touch soft and caring.
Akk turned his head to look at Wat, empty eyes taking a moment to really focus on who he was looking at before he spoke, voice cracking and rough. “Wat? You’re here?” Wat just nodded, humming. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything. I never meant anything to get this far.” Akk said, lip quivering as slow tears slipped down his face.
“I know, it’s okay, just lay down Akk, we’re here okay? Ai’Aye and Ai’Kan, we’re all here for you for the night okay? We’re not going anywhere, so rest.”
“Please?” Ayan said as he helped Wat get Akk situated against the pillows, laying back finally.
“Ai’Kan?” Wat looked over his shoulder for his friend only to pause. “Kan?” Ayan looked over from where he was sitting next to Akk, running his fingers through Akk’s hair, brows furrowing.
“Kan?”
“His shoes are gone.” Wat said to Ayan. “Where would he go? He was in his sleep clothes.” Ayan just shook his head, he had no clue.
———
Kan was furious, he was beyond furious, there was a feeling running through him that he had never felt before. It was more than anger, more than sadness or betrayal. It felt bigger than him, like it was pushing on his skin about to burst him open and spread across the world. He drove probably too fast towards Thua’s house, knuckles white from how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. Whatever the feeling he was experiencing was thrumming through viens causing a rushing in his ears and his eyes to sting, seeing Akk as broken up as he was only made the feeling worse. But as he got closer to Thua’s house he realized that it was only getting heavier in his chest, his lungs constricting painfully. By the time he pulled up in front of the house, he was near hyperventilating. Resting his head against the steering wheel in front of him, still gripping it tightly, Kan closed his eyes and allowed the tears to finally fall, sobbing loudly as his body trembled. Heartbreak, that was what it was. He was heartbroken, it was a physical pain, it hurt more than anything he had ever experienced, it was scarier and more all encompassing than even the strongest emotion. Was this what it felt like to have your heart broken? How could he survive it? Would he?
“Ai’Kan?” A muffled voice caught his attention, a light tapping on the window next to his head causing Kan to jump. He lifted his head to be able to look at Thua standing next to the driver’s side door, wrapped up in an oversized sweater and joggers, hair mussed, eyes red rimmed. How was he still the most beautiful person Kan had ever seen, even when he was such a mess? “Are you okay?” He asked through the closed window, a look of concern on his face.
Kan exhaled deeply, forcing himself to let go of the steering wheel, pushing open his door with semi-numb hands. Thua took a step back to allow Kan to exit the car, chewing on the inside of his lip nervously. “How did you know I was here?” Kan asked as he closed the door, leaning against it.
“My mom told me she saw you pull up, but you never knocked so I thought I’d come out.” Thua explained.
“You haven’t been answering my texts.” Kan said simply.
“I turned off my phone, it was pretty crazy online, people kept texting me.”
“Telling you to die?”
“What? No!” Thua said, wide eyes looked shocked.
“Hmm, that’s what Akk is getting. After all, they all know about him making the curse real but not you, no, you’re safe, the hero.” Kan said, unable to keep the scathing tone out of his voice.
“I’m not a hero.” Thua said softly.
“No, you’re right, you’re not.” Kan said tersely. “You talk about wanting everyone to tell the truth but what about you huh? You didn’t offer yourself up with Akk on those stairs did you?”
“I told you -“
“That I can turn you in, I know!” Kan snapped, Thua blinking at him in surprise. “So you leave that shit on me, huh? You can’t speak up about your own crimes, but expect me to!? Like I’m any more capable of doing that to you as Aye was to do it to Akk, think Thua! You don’t want me to protect you the same way Aye did Akk, but how can I not!? All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect you!”
“You don’t need to.”
“Then you should be the one to tell the truth.” Kan jabbed a finger at the shorter boy. “Why would you do that? How could you do that to me?”
“Do what?” Thua asked softly.
“Break my fucking heart!” Kan nearly shouted before huffing, running his hands through his hair. “Everything you’ve said to me, everything I’ve ever thought about you, I don’t even know if it’s you anymore. Are you the same person I fell in love with!? The Thua I’ve watched over for years, since middle school, the most beautiful person I’ve ever known, I have no idea where he went today.” Kan swiped at the tears that had started streaming down his face. “I understand that you were angry but what you did… it wasn’t okay.” Kan sighed as he seemed to collapse into himself against the car door, shoulders hunching forward, head bowed, knees buckling under the weight of his own emotions.
“I know.” Thua whispered, sniffling. “I talked to my mom and step-dad after they got a call from Teacher Sani about what happened today, I told them everything, all of it.” He admitted. “What I did was wrong, they helped me see past my anger and upset. My step-dad even said Chadok’s anger when they were children suddenly made more sense, he was -“ A small sob escaped Thua’s throat as he attempted to talk. “Really understanding, it felt good to be honest with them.”
Kan looked up from where he was bent over, hands resting on his knees, looking at Thua. “You know who didn’t get a chance to be honest with anyone? Who doesn’t feel good at all?” Kan said angrily, Thua just shaking his head. “Akk!” Kan exploded at him, voice loud as he straightened up. “Akk didn’t get that chance! He didn’t get a chance to tell people he was dating Aye, he didn’t get a chance to tell his parents or friends he was gay. He didn’t get a chance to explain why he did what he did, all because of you!” Kan stepped forward towards Thua, pointing at him again. “He wants to die! He hates himself, he’s being told to do horrible things by other students. And that’s all your fault!”
Thua cried, covering his mouth with his hand in an attempt to keep the sound hidden. “I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t tell me that, you should tell him that.” Kan said.
Thua nodded. “I’m sorry to you too.” He said softly, looking down as he spoke, eyes downcast and sad. “I never meant to hurt you, I’ve loved you for so long I didn’t think -“
“No, you didn’t.” Kan cut in.
“Are you going to leave me?” Thua whispered, voice heavy with emotions.
“Do you want me to?” Kan asked, his heart hammering hard in his chest as he took a step closer to Thua. “I’m so hurt and angry I feel like I’m losing my mind, but the idea of not being with you makes it so I can’t breathe. So tell me Thua, do you want me to leave you?” Kan asked again, moving closer until he was standing right in front of the other boy.
“No.” Thua shook his head, a small gasp escaping him when he felt Kan’s hand touch his chin, forcing him to lift his head to meet Kan’s gaze. “No, I don’t want you to leave me, please, I’m so sorry.” Thua cried softly, his whole body trembling. Kan stepped forward into Thua’s space completely, cupping his face to draw him into a deep kiss, Thua wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s waist as he leaned up into the kiss, pouring as much as emotion into it as he could, feeling the same type of outpouring from Kan.
“I still love you.” Kan whispered against Thua’s lips once they parted, eyes still closed. “Please don’t ever ask me not to love you.”
“Never.” Thua promised breathily before tugging Kan into another kiss.
———
Akk was floating between asleep and awake, his head in Ayan’s lap, his hair being played with as he listened to Wat explain the latest plot of some weird movie he had seen to Ayan. Wat was sitting at the end of the bed, Ayan up against the pillows with Akk, only really giving Wat the occasional hum in response. He was being polite, but it was clear to even Akk’s ears that Ayan wasn’t all that interested in what Wat was saying. There was a cool damp cloth on Akk’s forehead that had been placed there not too long ago, his face had also been wiped clean of all his tears. It was nice, his medicine having brought his anxiety level down to a simmer, it no longer boiling over to the point of overwhelming him. But with that brought the exhaustion of the day, the crash from the emotions, the sick feeling from that level of heightened anxiety.
“And then you see they become part machine, it’s really a interesting…“ Wat’s rambling explanation trailed off when the sound of the door opening up could be heard, Akk deciding not to worry about it, figuring it was just Kan. Of course then the drag of Ayan’s fingers through his hair stopped and Akk knew something was wrong, his heartbeat kicking up again.
“Ai’Thua?” Ayan sounded surprised.
Akk opened his eyes when he heard Thua’s name, looking down the length of his bed, past Wat to see Kan and Thua standing just inside the room from the small hall that led to the door. Thua looked pretty terrible himself, wringing his hands together, the cuffs of his oversized sweater getting caught in his fingers as he fidgeted. Kan had his arm around Thua’s waist, hand resting on his hip.
“What’s this then?” Wat asked.
“We’re dating.” Kan said simply.
“Yeah, we figured that out.” Ayan said, Wat nodded in agreement.
“Akk?” Thua said gently, taking a step forward, allowing Kan’s hand to fall away from his body as he did. “Can I talk to you?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.” Ayan said.
“It’s okay.” Akk said in a scratchy tone, his throat sore from all the crying. He pushed himself up slowly with some effort, his limbs heavy and dopey from both his medication as well as exhaustion. Ayan’s arms were around him helping him to sit up, the cloth falling from his forehead onto the bed. Wat leaned forward to pick it up so that it didn’t make the bed damp, Akk giving him a little nod of thanks.
Thua walked closer to the bed until he was next to it, looking at Akk. This close Akk could see the exhaustion in Thua’s eyes, the remorse, the tears shining in the lamp light. “Are you okay?” Akk asked, which causes Thua to laugh out surprised.
“Why would you ask me that after what I did?” He asked. “Akk, I didn’t realize what I said today would do. I just wanted so badly for everything to come to light that I let my anger get the better of me, neither of what we did when it came to the curse was the right thing. But I also did something else terrible, I outed you to the other students, I spoke of your and Ayan’s relationship when it wasn’t my place to do so.” Thua bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the quiver that threatened to take over. “I know how hard it is to be gay in that school, I shouldn’t have thrown your personal business out. I know I was angry about Ayan protecting you, but who am I to speak when Kan would do the exact same thing? I guess I was just jealous, jealous that you got to have your love in the shadows without being mocked while I had been a target of such hate for years. It made me angry, made me mean. I’m really sorry.” Thua took a shuddering breath, large tears streaming down his face, not looking into Akk’s eyes as he spoke. “Please don’t think lower of yourself, and if you can never forgive me, that’s fine. I just want to make sure that you’re okay, that you know that you’re important and we all need you.”
“Ai’Thua.” Akk said softly, reaching his hand out to touch the other boy’s wrist, getting him to finally meet his eyes. “I forgive you, after everything, how could I not? Will you be able to forgive me though? For the things I did, for making it so that you got so angry. I should’ve listened better, should’ve protected you better.”
Thua nodded. “Of course I forgive you, Akk. I’m so sorry.” Akk then held out his arms, Thua leaning down to be able to hug the other boy easily.
Kan walked over to be able to place a calming hand on Thua’s back once he straightened up, Akk meeting his eyes. Kan just gave him a slight nod, smiling kindly. Akk sighed, smiling in return as he leaned back against Ayan, the other boy quickly wrapping his arms around him. “Okay, so we all forgive each other, right?” Wat asked the group, everyone humming in agreement. “Great, so what about my movie?”
“What?” Kan asked.
“We’re not actually going through with that love story thing are we?” Ayan asked.
“No one even believed you!” Kan argued.
“They did too.”
“I really don’t think they did.” Thua said with a little shake of his head.
“But I said it, so now we have to do it!” Wat complained.
“Is there even a contest?” Ayan asked.
“No.” Wat replied, everyone else’s response quickly drowned out by Akk’s somewhat hysterical laughter that started up, the exhausted boy unable to contain his amusement at the completely absurd situation they were currently in. Honestly, bringing the Suppalo curse to life was easier than what Wat was suggesting.
“We’re going to do it, aren't we?” Kan asked in with a whine, Akk just nodded through his laughter. “Ugh, this is gonna suck!”