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The abiding scent of bleach and antiseptic was hardly comforting. Saki clutches onto the sheets, eyeing the droplets out the window. There is no sun to radiate from, making it infinitely more difficult to smile today.
Ichika peels an apple into little rabbits by the table, an endearing habit. "I was planning on bringing flowers, but…" She says, knife cutting through the skin with ease.
"That’s okay." Saki hums, voice slightly bitter. She appreciates the sentiment, flowers are very pretty, daisies especially, but they require a lot of time and care and she could only do so much. After all, taking care of herself is difficult enough.
She doesn't think she's getting any stronger.
The static of rain seems to amplify, a sound that seeps into her bones.
Saki tries to lift the corners of her lips, but it feels too wrong. "I’m sorry."
"What are you apologizing for?"
A million things. She was sorry that she couldn’t smile like usual, couldn’t feel overjoyed at the fact that her childhood friend was visiting, couldn’t shine like she wanted to.
Instead, she shakes her head, dismissing the question.
The clouds obscure the sky, making cool grey spread throughout. It reminds Saki of the nights spent jolting awake, limbs glued to place despite the effort.
She raises a thought.
"Do you think I’ll make it to winter?"
It was probably the wrong thing to say because Ichika stutters, eyes blown wide as her utensil clatters harshly on ceramic. Saki only checks from her peripheral; she wasn’t acting much like herself lately, but she was running out of energy, stuck in a body stretched too taut and built too fragile.
"Saki…" the tone is so familiar it tugs on her heartstrings, pulls her eyes away from the window and towards Ichika.
Despite the ill-lit room, despondence is clear in Ichika’s eyes. It makes Saki feel even worse. "Don’t look at me like that, it was just a silly thought." She responds, feigning playfulness that scratches at her throat.
Maybe it’s because of the rain. It leaves a continuous pang in Saki's chest that fissures with every beat. A sound escapes her, weak and involuntary as her shoulders slump and demeanour escapes further. "I don’t– know what’s gonna happen to me."
Ichika strides to the hospital bed, abruptly grabbing her hand. "You will."
"What?"
"You’ll make it to winter, even past that." The statement is so bold, almost far-fetched, but the conviction in Ichika's eyes makes her want to believe. To try, but she's been trying.
She's been trying so hard.
"...But what if I can't?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, feeling too broken to speak any louder.
Ichika exhales. "I don't know... but I can't imagine a future without you." Her eyes are glassy. "I can’t know for sure, but as long as you want to, you will… and there’s– there’s so much we need to do. We still have to go shopping, all four of us like you said. You get to put Shiho in the most embarrassing clothes known to man.”
Saki huffs. "As if she’ll let me do that."
Ichika trembles slightly with laughter, her smile a little sad despite it. The hand enveloping hers is… nice. The touch anchors her, like reaching the surface after drowning for so long. Of course, she’s still on edge. There are nerves that never leave.
Regardless of the more probable answer of where she’ll be in the future, there’s still a miniscule percentage of surviving, of living to see more, which is something Ichika grasps onto tightly.
Saki doesn't want her to let go.
They go down a ramp dusted in fallen snow. Above, street lights glisten as Ichika’s footsteps crunch with every step. Saki finds herself sighing in relief, it’s gotten easier to breathe and she no longer feels as lightheaded as she used to.
"I could’ve used the crutches." She states.
Ichika wheels her towards the aisle of flower bushes. "You've been in physical therapy for a while now, it’s best that you rest."
"I can practically stand."
Specs of white hang around trees that branch towards indigo. Her wheelchair comes to a halt. "Really?" An amusing lilt in her voice.
"...Yes."
"Go ahead then." Ichika says, almost uncharacteristically. When she's too caught up in having fun she doesn't catch herself slipping. Saki was lucky to be one of the few people who got to see this side of her.
Saki makes an effort to get up, but finds her body too sore, which was an obvious observation if it weren’t for her resolve to get better as quickly as possible. "...My legs feel like jelly."
A triumphant response: "That's what I thought." Then, she falls back in because there’s a dip in her tone. "So please, let me take care of you while you recover."
"Okay." Saki’s face melts into a grin, it’s one that feels like it belongs, finally. She’s thankful that the rain has passed, that she’s by the girl she cherishes to an uncountable extent.
She hopes she gets to see the rest of her friends soon.
(There’s a slight furrow in Ichika’s eyebrows whenever Saki asks about Shiho and Honami, mouth always set in a thin line. She prays that it was only her imagination.)
Saki spots a bench a few feet away, feeling a little bad for being pushed the entire time, she asks if Ichika wants to sit. The offer gets denied because it would be too cold to sit on, which was something Saki failed to consider. Ichika hastily adds that she didn’t mind steering, because of course she knew Saki plenty. Unvoiced thoughts being acknowledged was shocking, but also strangely comforting. That or there was always something so pleasant about Ichika.
She has this sudden urge to see her, so she cranes her neck upwards.
"Yes, Saki?"
She doesn’t say anything, just continues to stare up at her knowing fully well scrutiny was something Ichika couldn’t handle.
"S–Saki? Is something wrong?"
"Nothing, you’re very pretty."
Ichika flushes– she really did look beautiful no matter the angle. Then, Ichika leans down and suddenly there’s pressure on Saki’s forehead, she closes her eyes– an unconditioned response.
When her eyes flutter open, she registers that she had just been kissed. "What was that for?"
"It was…" Ichika opens her mouth, then closes it as something else seems to enter her mind.
A painful beat passes.
"That’s a secret."
Her skin tingles, it’s a sensation Saki wants to store for as long as she can. "No fair!" She whines, even if a part of her knows that this secret was something shared between the two of them, something unspoken yet tangible.
Even in this weather, this is the warmest she’s ever felt.
She made it.