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It was hard to put his emotions into words, his thoughts into complete sentences without sounding as though he was guilt-tripping the other. It had always been like this for him, never being able to say the right things without hurting his lover more.
Xiao sighed, staring at the sea as he sat on one of Liyue's mountain cliffs with a pen and paper.
He couldn't bare the thought of seeing his lover heartbroken, the mere thought of it breaking his heart more than he expected. Xiao tried to blink away the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.
This was a heartbreak he never knew he would have to work through, second to losing his dear yaksha siblings. Xiao knew he couldn't keep up with the lies he had built, so now it was time to demolish them one by one.
He looked down at the empty sheet of paper, thoughts beginning to melt together and making it difficult to express what he wished he could.
It's for the best. The Yaksha thought this was for the best before I hurt him more.
And so, he began to write. Write the thoughts he couldn't say out loud, the thoughts he wished he could say to Aether instead of turning to a little letter.
The events from last night had begun to stir in his mind, the image of Aether crying staying on his mind as he wrote.
"How dare you say that?! How often have I told you that you can always count on me, Xiao?" Aether said as he shook, whether from sadness or anger; Xiao couldn't tell.
Aether stared, breath shakey as he continued to speak, "Am I that difficult to trust? We have been together for over a year already; I know you— You can't fool me; I can see right through you."
"Aether.. please. I know you're upset- I know—" Xiao tried to say before being cut off, "Know what?! Xiao, I have tried. I have tried to be the best I can, even though I'm not the best at words. I have always tried to be there for you, and you were doing well until now."
"What caused you to drift away from me?"
Xiao gripped the pen, his eyebrows furrowing together as frustration and hurt took over his features slowly. There had been a constant miscommunication between them, and the anemo Yaksha had decided to do something he would have never done in his lifetime. Guilt was eating at him slowly. Yet, he knew there was no changing his mind anymore.
He continued to write away his feelings, the sun slowly setting in front of him as the pen danced on the once-empty sheet of paper. Nothing was stopping the male now, his every thought being poured one by one until it was dark and the Stars sprinkled above him and sparkled. It was as though the world was taunting him as he wrote, taking the sight above him as a sort of inspiration to demonstrate just how he felt.
The page was full now, delicate letters dancing together as Xiao read through his letter. Both sides were full of cursive, the loops, and lines fitting together just as Xiao and Aether once used to hold together. Maybe with this, Aether will finally know how Xiao feels deep inside without having to say it face to face. However, Xiao knew it would only hurt the blonde since it was written and not spoken.
Looking at the stars again, the male sighed and stood up before using his anemo powers to head to Wangshuu Inn. Aether was in Monstadt for his commissions, so the blue-headed male could gather a couple of his things- which wasn't much- from the room Verr gave him and looked around.
The place was decorated with Aether's souvenirs from Monstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, and, now recently, Sumeru.
The room had no shift in its nature; everything looked as though Xiao had never been there before, as if he hadn't owned the room with his dear lover. Xiao left the paper on the silk-sheeted bed, leaving a freshly picked Qingxin flower next to the paper. Looking around once more, Xiao teleported himself to the roof of Wangshuu Inn and stayed there waiting for Aether's arrival. Of course, he was hidden from view, his elemental traces may reveal himself, but he would teleport the moment Aether tried searching for him.
Forgive me, my lovely qingxin, but I cannot keep up with this anymore. I am doing this for you, not for me.
With that, Xiao perched himself between the leaves and sat there, waiting for Aether to return to the Inn.
Is that the last of the hilichurls? Aether wondered as he put his sword away, looking around first before he picked up the arrows and masks the hilichurls dropped. It was his last commission of the day; it had taken almost all day to complete them since the commissions kept coming in every time he finished one. At last, Aether could finally rest and return to the Inn to his lover.
The stars were twinkling brighter than they used to before, Aether noted. It made him happy to see the stars dance together as they created their ballroom with the galaxy. It almost reminded him of the times he and Xiao would dance on the balcony as the stars accompanied them.
A silent sigh left the blonde's mouth as he remembered last night's events. As much as he had tried to convince himself that was well and that the pair would be okay, he also couldn't help feeling something terrible was bound to happen.
Aether made his way to Katherine, greeting the woman as she gave him the commission awards. "Oh, Traveler?" Katherine spoke, her voice softer than it would be in the morning. "Yes?" Said the mentioned male as he looked at her.
"I recommend getting a good night's rest tonight and the next two weeks; I told the guild that you'll be off for that allotted time. Is that okay?" She asked, smiling kindly as she explained herself. "You've done a lot for Teyvat; the least I can do is let you rest appropriately before continuing your journey."
The blonde smiled and thanked Katherine several times before opening his map and teleporting to Wangshuu Inn. It was almost empty, considering it was now about 2 in the morning. Aether made his way to the room he shared with Xiao, a sense of dread slowly taking over his once-happy feel.
Of course, he was right to feel that way.
Xiao groaned, wondering how long it would take for Aether to get back to the Inn. It had been nearly three hours since he was sitting on the branch. He stayed vigilant nonetheless, looking around and keeping track of any possible demonic energy he could feel.
He stared at the stars again, strangely drawn to them throughout the night. He blamed it on the letter since he had written something about the stars. Xiao sighed, a feeling of regret making itself present in his mind. He wouldn't allow himself to try and dwell on the shame for long; he couldn't do what he wished, so he would live with that regret for the rest of his life if needed.
Mumbling under his breath, Xiao spoke up, "I know you're hiding there, Sir. You may come out." From behind him, Zhongli chuckled softly, "I see you are still as keen as ever, Alatus."
Xiao hummed, "I suppose so… though, what brings you here, if I may ask, Master." The Archon wouldn't often visit the Yaksha nowadays, as he was busy living amongst the mortals and with his lover. "I came to visit my son, of course, although I supposed you kept with your plan?"
The Yaksha nodded, no longer trusting his words in front of his Master. The pain in his heart was growing more and more, yet he still didn't speak. "I cannot stop you from your choices, but I cannot say I did not try to warn you." His voice was as stoic as ever, unwavering as Zhongli reminded Xiao of the mistakes committed.
Just as Xiao was about to speak, they heard a shrill cry and loud sobbing. Xiao perched up, the sound scaring him as Zhongli stood still. Suddenly, a chant of Xiao's name was heard as it traveled through the Yaksha's ears, and he knew what had happened.
A slight wince escaped Xiao as he saw Aether run to the balcony and yell out his name.
"XIAO?!" Aether yelled, and when he felt nothing shift around him, he cried and cursed his lover. Cursed him for leaving him alone when he needed it the most, condemned him for being stupid and selfish. Yet, with all the words and insults he yelled, there was no real malicious intent.
Aether fell to his knees, sobbing into his legs as his throat grew raw from crying. "I told you." Said Zhongli quietly before vanishing into thin air. Xiao stared at his lover, and his heart was now completely broken. There were shards everywhere, and there was no undoing the damage he had caused.
"I'm sorry, my dear qingxin. Please forgive me." And with that, he disappeared.
Two hearts, once bonded as one, had been ripped apart to shreds.
Dear Aether,
By the time you read this, I'll be gone. It has been a while since I decided this, and I could not bring myself to say it to your face, so I wrote this letter to express myself. I know this may not be the best approach, and I take any criticism you may have for me. I'm sorry, Aether. I have tried. I've wanted to be the best lover I could for you, for us. I had tried everything in me to be open and honest with you. And it worked, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for it. But I am also sorry. I am sorry I couldn't be the lover that you wished I was. If I am honest, I had realized that I was beginning to become like your sister, distant and suddenly disappearing when you would least expect me to. I am sorry for the significant amount of pain I had caused you; whether it had been accidental or not, you did not deserve that from me. I'm not the best when it comes to these things, mainly because I cannot formulate my emotions correctly to be able to express them myself. I have tried to be honest and fair with you, but I wasn't— and you could see that, couldn't you? There are many things you have not told me, and I wish that you could say them to me, even if you think otherwise. You have done nothing to cause my drifting, I was the one that caused it, and I was the one that didn't correctly pick up the pieces. I left you to suffer, and I could never forgive myself for that.
Do you remember when you said that "Distance brings us fondness"? For us, it had simply brought us pain and regret, and although I may regret my recent decision, I cannot bear to see you in pain because of this distance I've created. As I have told myself, if I am going to leave, I better do it fast. I am the cut that always bleeds, and you are astronomical.
Aether, as much you owe my heart, we are two worlds apart. We have traveled the seas, and I have realized many things. You are from the stars above, and I am from Teyvat — you have a life outside of here, and I wish you would be able to return to that, with or without me. I cannot be your lover on a leash, Aether. So please, my dear Qingxin, continue with your journey, and I will continue mine. I am sorry I cannot be the one to be by your side. I hope you find friends that will. This is goodbye, Aether.
Love, your dear sunflower