Work Text:
“So, I heard Daryl has a new kid on the way.”
“Yeah, a boy, right?”
“Nah, I don’t think they know yet. Keeping it secret or something.”
“But he wants a boy, yeah?”
“Well, I don’t know about that… but I wouldn’t blame the guy if it were true, yanno. Three daughters and all.”
“What about his three daughters?”
“I mean, if he wanted a change of pace or something. Wouldn’t blame ‘im”
-nnor
“I don’t know, I’d think any kid would be a different pace. His girls couldn’t be less alike the way he talks about them.”
“I guess. Just saying. He might not even care.”
“Pretty likely, knowing the guy. You sure there wasn’t something about a boy though?”
“CONNOR!”
Connor startled in his seat.
“What is it Lieutenant?”
“I’ve been talkin’ to you for goddamn near half an hour! What’dya mean ‘what is it lieutenant?’ you leave that big brain of yours back at Cyberlife or something?”
“Sorry lieutenant. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Wasn’t--” Hank sighed a sigh that Connor was getting very familiar with. “The fuck were you paying attention to, then?” He gave Connor an equally familiar look. “And it better be fuckin’ golden, or I’m scrapping you for spare parts, bud.”
“I was listening to the break room.”
“The--” Hank spluttered again. “The break room. And why, pray tell, were you listening to the break room?” Hank leaned back in his chair like he might be able to listen in on the conversation happening halfway down the hall. He shook his head when he confirmed he couldn’t.
Connor considered how to explain himself logically.
“Well, I know logically that good rapport between team members helps their efficiency in the field.”
“Right…” Hank looked unimpressed. “... And? ”
“ And I know that to most humans, that means social interactions which do not relate to work or a case, stuff that...doesn’t matter as much. Things from their lives. Feelings.”
“I think I follow.” It did not look like Hank followed.
“The employees at this precinct get up for water, coffee, to walk around, or for the restroom an average of 2.2, 3.45, 1.5, and 1.85 times a day respectively.”
“Is that a fact?”
“Yes, it is a fact, Lieutenant.” Hank rolled his eyes. A clear sign to get on with it. Obviously he was still missing the point. “And another fact is that as an android, I don’t have the need to do any of that.”
“So what are you saying then, Connor?” Hank just looked confused now. “You want to take a piss?”
“What I’m saying , is that because I miss 9 opportunities every day to get up and chance running into to my colleagues—and I’m sure you know we’re playing with pretty good odds here—I’m missing important time that everyone else seems to get naturally.”
“And that means that you get to spend time ignoring me while listening to the break room, why exactly?”
It was Connor’s turn to look confused.
“So I know what’s going on?”
Hank looked dumbfounded.
“Are you really that stupid, kid?”
Connor didn’t understand.
“I can assure you, I have highly--”
“--Advanced processors, yeah, yeah, put your big fancy robot dick back in your pants. Doesn’t mean you can’t be a fucking idiot sometimes. I swear. ” Hank threw his hands away from his desk and rolled back in his seat a bit. Mumbling something about stupid androids under his breath.
“I just wanted to know everybody better.” Connor frowned and scanned the files that Hank had sent him.
“Connor.” Connor didn’t look up. “With all of that bullshit going on up there, I would think that you’d know how to have a conversation with someone. Wasn’t that your whole gig? Negotiator or whatever?”
“Technically. But that was… that was for a mission. The interactions before always had a purpose, an intended outcome. I… I don’t want to be like that any more. At least, I’m trying not to be.”
“You hold yourself fine while you’re out on a case though.”
“That’s… that’s different. We’re working towards a similar goal. The conversation starts and ends at the investigation.”
“Then you just need to practice.”
It was Connor’s turn to roll his eyes.
“That was the point.”
“The point of what?”
“The point of listening. I was trying to find common topics that I could bring up around certain groups of people. Like, I know not to bring up Margaret’s ex wife in front of Harold, and I know that Daryl is having a kid. He does not know the sex of the baby yet, and he doesn't care if it is a girl or boy. Mary and Beth are in the break room now discussing it, but neither of them have the facts.”
“Jesus christ, Kid. I think you have a problem.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you want to go gossip, go gossip on your break time. Don’t fucking ignore me to ‘listen in’ on who likes who and who did what. Fucking unprofessional is what that is.”
“I don’t gossip.”
“You do. You just did.”
“Hank--” Hank put his hand up to stop him.
“Now if you want to go participate, that’s your prerogative. I don’t give a flying fuck.” Hank turned his chair to face Connor. “But don’t fucking explain it away as ‘rapport’ or whatever bullshit you’ve convinced yourself of. You just want in on the same fucking office shittalk as the rest of us.” he crossed his arms. He didn’t seem as frustrated as Connor thought he’d be. Connor wondered why. “Just go in there and fucking start a conversation, Connor. Trust me. You’ll do fine.” He turned his back and continued working.
“Han--”
“Scoot.”