Work Text:
The hallway split off into branches leading to different doors but only showing one room with different people inside it. They were all identical, down to where the beds were set and what was on the walls and shelves. There was too much going on: the wafting smell of sweet perfume, a cloud of cigarette smoke creating a bitter fog, someone’s cackling laugh ringing in her ear, and to top it off, her stomach was disagreeing with her. Too many people. It was an absolute forest all in one hallway, and as she made her way through, her head spinning with every sidestep, keeping close to the wall, inching, inching, Veronica kept her eyes peeled for Heather.
Once or twice she thought she saw her, but the voice wasn’t the same, or the color of her dress was the wrong silhouette, or she moved way too fast for it to actually be Heather Chandler. The good news was she only had a few sips of beer so she wasn’t drunk, and she was more annoyed than afraid of being on her own in a strange place, and she knew Heather had to grab her coat before she left, so she resolved to go and wait for her there. Hide out until it was time to go home. If she could find it in the first place.
She was certain she was going in circles.
But when she reached the end of the hall with the large double doors that had a large orange flier on the right side, which she knew she hadn’t seen before, where scarcely anyone stood, she threw up.
Shouldn’t have looked down.
With heaving breaths, Veronica lifted her head, hoping, praying no one saw her, but the sharp acidic smell made her nose run, and her eyes tear up, and the taste... And she knew if she looked down again, at the carpet, her stomach would lurch and she’d throw up again, only this time she’d start to panic. The door across the hall was closed to a crack, and as she coughed, sniffled, dragged the heel of her palm across her eyes with one hand and wiped her chin with the back of the other, she pushed herself from the wall to the other side.
Anyone could just walk in, right? Even her. If people wanted privacy, the door would probably be closed, but this one wasn’t. It wasn’t an invitation, but it also wasn’t illegal; stumbling into rooms in the middle of a party was the norm for places like this. And as far as she knew, no one saw her puke. And if people were there, she could always pretend to be drunk, so drunk she just wandered into this room by accident. Because it was there. And she was there.
So she pushed open the door and watched it bounce back against the door bumper. The only source of light in the room was the red lava lamp sitting on a shelf above a sea-green couch, bathing the room in a hellish red. Luckily, no one was there.
Even better, she found the coats.
She pushed the door closed behind her as she made her way inside, not caring if it shut or not, and it didn’t, but the music fell to a dull roar. She’d done herself a favor and placed both her and Heather’s coats on the far arm of the couch for quick and convenient access, and after moving a few others away from the seat, she sat, pulling theirs onto her lap to act as a makeshift blanket.
Outside, the occasional sound of college boys barking came and went. Though her stomach churned uncomfortably, she decided she was feeling a little better now that she was sitting down, and she looked about the room in the hopes of finding something interesting to occupy her mind while she waited for the night to end. She ran her hand along the top coat in her lap, the smooth, soft material growing warm with every pass of her hand, and when she looked down to make sure the sleeves weren’t inside out before she put it on, it seemed unfazed by the red light of the lava lamp.
This whole time she thought it was her coat she’d been warming up, but it turned out to be Heather’s.
Without much thought, Veronica draped it over her shoulders, keeping the collar clasped in her hands, and basked in the warmth it offered. It wasn’t as comforting as having Heather around, but it was better than nothing.
Against her better judgment, she leaned back until she hit something soft but solid. And then she pulled the hood up, balled up her jacket and placed it on the arm of the couch, and rested her head on her coat, tucking her knees to her chest. It felt weird, the hard heels of her shoes pressing against the soft cushion, but she didn’t trust them to still be there if she fell asleep with them off.
Partying wasn’t her thing, but it was what Heather wanted to do. Heather Duke and Heather McNamara were out of town, and she couldn’t very well ask Betty or Martha to stay over so late since... And at the time she figured it was better to be in a room full of people, even if they weren’t her people, than all alone in a house at night with only the TV for company.
Of course, that was before she threw up, and now she was all alone in a room with only the coats. Now she wanted nothing more than to go home, curl up in her own bed, and sleep. Maybe cry. If she felt this alone, it didn’t matter if she wasn’t.
And she couldn’t help but think that if Heather Mac or Heather Duke were here at the party, she would’ve run into one of them by now. They’d take care of her, sit with her, hold her, tell her it would be okay, and maybe one of them would take her home, and Heather could still enjoy herself.
Her stomach gurgled, and Veronica curled into herself tighter. She squeezed her eyes shut tight, pulled the hood of Heather’s red jacket over her eyes, and whimpered pitifully.
It was the worst time to slip, but she couldn’t help it.
Not this time.
Where are you?
Please answer
I need you
What?
I just need a little time
Please
Sorry
Ok
Where r *u*?
Where the coats are
Red room
I’m so sorry
It’s fine
Promise?
Yeah
Truth be told, Heather was glad to have an excuse to leave Remington University, and as she made her way down the hall, weaving past sweaty bodies and people not watching where they were going, her phone vibrated in her hand, and she pressed her back to the nearest wall to take it.
I love you
She smiled. Nicest thing said to her all night. It wasn’t a surprise Veronica would be looking for some affection wince Heather and Heather were off doing God-knows-what elsewhere, and the thought of going home, taking a hot shower, making some hot chocolate or something while Veronica played in her playroom, and the both of them going to sleep sounded way better than staying a single minute more at this dump.
And then she saw the puddle of puke a few feet away and retched. Luckily, the coat room was right across the hall, so she beelined for it, opening the door just enough to slip through before shutting it behind her. It took a second before her eyes adjusted to the red tint of the darkened room, and for a moment, all was still aside from the lava lamp on the shelf.
Something moved at the far end of the couch. It sniffled, clutching its stomach, and Veronica sat up.
“Hey.”
Heather nodded. “Hey.” She made her way over to the couch, sitting down on the pile of coats on the middle seat, and slipping the hood of her jacket off Veronica’s head. “You ready to go?”
Veronica nodded. “I don’t feel good, Mommy.”
“You might wanna close your eyes when we leave the room then. Someone puked on the hallway carpet right across from here and I almost—”
Veronica slipped the hood back up over her head, and kept pulling until it covered her eyes, though she had to hold it here. She even turned away.
Heather stared at her.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry...”
Eyes fixed on the road ahead of her, Heather gripped the steering wheel tighter, red lips curling into a tight smile in an effort to suppress, genuinely, the urge to laugh. “Say you’re sorry one more time.”
Veronica let out a pathetic whine before throwing herself back against the seat with a weak thud. She tugged at the seatbelt as she turned herself to face the passenger side window, slouching and tucking her knees to her chest—without her shoes.
Heather sucked in a deep breath before heaving it out as a sigh. The car slowed to a stop before a red light. “Hey.”
Her eyes flickered to Veronica’s still body.
“I’m sorry.”
The rest of the ride was quiet, with her trying to formulate the most discreet way to ask Heather and Heather for a little bit of help without getting shit for it, and Veronica presumably napping. She didn’t expect much when they got home.
But when she pulled into the driveway, parking her Porsche in front of the closed garage door, and waiting until Veronica put on her shoes before they both got out, Veronica grabbed hold of her arm as soon as she made her way around the front of the car. She rested her chin on Heather’s shoulder with a weak whimper, gaze averted, one arm clutching hers while the other trailed down to hold her warm hand.
Heather relaxed her shoulders and gave Veronica’s hand a gentle squeeze. Guess she forgave her for earlier.
“C’mon, Veronica,” she murmured, smiling a little, “Let’s get you ready for bed.”
“How are you feeling?” Mommy asked as she took off her shoes and slipped off her jacket. Veronica copied her, setting her shoes by hers and draping her jacket over the couch arm just as Mommy had done.
“I’m okay,” she mumbled, tucking her hair behind her ear as she faced her. It was strange, being at home so late without Momma and Mama there too. But at least Mommy didn’t seem mad at her anymore, so that was a good start. If Mommy were Mama or even Momma, she’d try for a hug—or, at the very least, holding her hand—but she didn’t want to push her luck.
Mommy eyed her up and down, hands perched on her hips. Then she pulled out her phone, looked at the screen for a second, and put it away. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do.”
Veronica nodded.
“We’ll clean you up, change you into your pajamas, brush your teeth, then you’re going to hang out for a bit while I shower.” Mommy paused for a second, pointer finger pressed to her pinky finger as she ticked off the list. “Think you can handle something light in your stomach, or are you done with food for the night?”
Blinking, Veronica’s gaze fell to the floor in thought. Maybe something small wouldn’t hurt. And if she did throw up again, at least she was home.
“I can eat,” she said at last, peeking up at Mommy’s firm but kind face. “I think.”
Mommy nodded, dropping her arms to her sides. “Then you’ll brush your teeth later. I’ll see about FaceTiming Heather and Heather so you can talk with them while I’m in the bathroom. And then we’ll both go to sleep. That sound good?”
“Yes, Mommy.” Veronica nodded again, smiling softly. Mommy always knew what to do. She was good at that.
Mommy nodded back, tilting her head upward, and took out her phone again. “Alright then.” Leaning against the closest wall, eyes on her screen and nimble thumbs tap-tap-tapping away, she added, “Go pick out your pajamas. I’ll be up there in a sec.”
As she made it to the first two steps of the stairs, Veronica turned, leaning back some, and looked back at her mommy, still standing in the same spot with her phone. Maybe she was texting Momma and Mama to tell them about her littlespace, and to expect a call soon. Or maybe Mommy was telling them about the party and how they had to leave early because of her. Or maybe she was asking them to come home early too, and she’d make it seem like Veronica asked when really, Mommy missed them just as much but was too big to admit it.
With a shrug, she padded the rest of the way up the stairs, walking briskly through the hall, dim from the stairway light barely coming up with her. When she reached her bedroom, she gave the door a gentle push before turning on the light, and instantly felt better as the baby blue walls all came out of hiding at once. Cody was lying on top of the clean, made bed—Mama must’ve done that since Veronica always made sure her teddy bear was safely hidden under the covers—and she couldn’t resist immediately picking him up and hugging him tight, supporting his bottom with her left arm, cradling his fuzzy head with his little ears with her right hand, and giving his warm paws a gentle squeeze.
She wanted to dive head-first into bed and snuggle the stuffing out of him, but she was still in her party clothes and must’ve smelled awful. But, she figured, the 5-second rule applied here.
“It doesn’t,” Cody said, shaking his head when she set him back on the bed, atop her pillow, on his belly. “But I won’t tell!” he added with a grin.
She had him face the wall as she pulled everything off but her undies, and the urge to just crawl into bed and be nice and cozy and warm with her teddy, forget about a bath, and just go to sleep was so, so strong. Instead, she just sat, kicking at the pile of party clothes on the floor with one foot as she blew out a big sigh and pulled Cody to her once again, pressing his blue paw to her chest.
God, was she tired. And she wanted snuggles. Cody was nice and all, but she wanted snuggles from a real person. Problem was, Mommy wasn’t the affectionate, touchy-feely, cuddly type. Mama was. And Momma was too, sometimes. But Mommy, not so much. In fact, if she really put some thought into it, she could probably count on one hand the amount of times Heather—as either Heather or Mommy—initiated a hug or any kind of gentle touch.
Flopping onto her back, Cody in tow, Veronica settled her head on her pillow and pulled her knees up, as much as she could.
“Veronica, what are you doing?” came Mommy’s voice from the door, and Veronica scrambled to sit up. Mommy’s eyes went from the clothes on the floor to her in just her underwear on the bed. She didn’t seem surprised or mad at all—in fact, she seemed more tired than confused. “Pajamas?”
Nervously, Veronica ran her hand through her hair, the heel of her palm pushing her bangs from her eyes as she looked at her feet.
“I didn’t get them yet,” she mumbled. “Sorry...”
Mommy sighed sharply. “I figured. Well, do it now. The sooner you’re clean, the sooner you can sleep if you’re so tired. Do you still want a snack?”
Veronica nodded as she got to her feet, leaving Cody behind on her bed. “Uh-huh.”
“I’ll set it up for you downstairs. In the meantime...” Mommy nodded toward the wooden dresser across the room, “do what you came here to do. I’ll meet you in the bathroom.”
And before she could even say “Okay,” Mommy was already gone.
It was Veronica’s turn to sigh now.
Cody just looked on.
As she put her clothes in her hamper in her room, and wiped off her makeup from the party at the bathroom sink, Veronica braced herself for the roar of the faucet behind her as the tub filled with water. It wasn’t until she’d gone potty though, that Mommy gently turned on the tap, and she realized she wasn’t getting a bath at all, but a shower.
Part of her was disappointed, but she trusted her mommy to know what was best. Considering how tired she was, and how warm the water usually was, she could very well fall asleep if she took a bath. And Mommy definitely wouldn’t be so nice about it if she splashed her like she sometimes did Momma and Mama.
Mommy’s smooth hands tickled in most places, and when it came to washing her hair she was a little rough. But the water wasn’t too hot nor too cold, no shampoo got into her eyes this time, and Mommy was gentle when it came to helping her dry off.
She could’ve done without the hairdryer though, since all she could do was stand there, eyes squeezed shut tight, while the whirling of the fan blades screamed at her from every which side. It took forever, and every time she’d ask if they were done when it wasn’t directly in her ear, Mommy’s reply was always “Almost.” After all that, she welcomed the bristles of her brush tugging at her hair in the silence afterwards.
Back in her room, she put on her jammies by herself, making sure her underwear wasn’t backwards, and her pajama bottoms—Blue’s Clues, dark blue pants with light blue paw prints all over—weren’t backwards either. The top was white, and long-sleeved in the same shade of blue as the pants, and had Blue on the front so she couldn’t mistake which side she was looking at. When she finished dressing, Veronica sat down on her bed and pulled Cody into her lap, briefly shooting a glance at her mommy, who had been by the door the entire time.
She looked up just in time to see a smile on Mommy’s warm red lips, and she couldn’t help but smile back as she turned her attention back to Cody.
“Good job,” said Mommy. “Let’s get your snack and go call Mama and Momma, shall we?”
Cody in hand, Veronica got to her feet, her smile only growing. “Yeah!”
Smiling to herself, Heather watched as Veronica skittered back to her room to grab her teddy bear, her fluffy hair bouncing against her shoulders. She didn’t need the other two. She could take care of Veronica by herself. The one part she thought was going to be difficult—cleaning her up—was nothing.
Will call in 5
Be ready
K
OK
Bitch
Lol
She closed out of the messaging app just as Veronica came back, her ratty old blue teddy bear firmly in her arms. She even made it wave at her, giggling as she did so, before following Heather down the stairs.
Yeah, she had this all under control. Big or little, Veronica was low-maintenance. Snack, call, maybe something to watch, make sure she brushed her teeth, and then it’d be time for bed.
Easy.
The setup in the living room wasn’t anything new. She’d put their coats away in the closet and left the light on before she went to check on Veronica the first time, and Veronica’s snack on the coffee table the second time—a blue sippy cup filled with water next to a bowl flipped upside-down, which covered a divided plate (Disney Princess-themed, naturally) of three bland foods that were supposed to be easy on the stomach after a bout of regurgitation (unless Google lied to her). The TV was off, but she’d turned it to Channel 3 before setting the remote aside just in case Veronica wanted to watch one of her cartoon video tapes or DVDs if Heather and Heather clicked off early, and there were plenty of blankets and pillows at the ready on the couches in case she got cold or sleepy.
Without prompting, Veronica plopped herself on the hardwood floor directly in front of the bowl, criss-crossing her pajama-clad legs, Cody the blue teddy slipping from being pressed up against her chest to lying on his back in the space between her knees. She reached out her hands to lift up the bowl, stopping with a flinch when Heather threw out a sharp “Ah!”
“Be careful about your bear, Veronica,” said Heather, arms folded firmly across her chest on the other side of the coffee table, “If you don’t want him to take a trip to the washing machine, put him on the couch.”
“But Cody’s hungry too, Mommy!” Veronica countered, withdrawing her arms to scoop him up into them, twisting her upper half from side to side.
Heather shook her head fondly as she stood over her. Uncrossing her arms, she reached one hand out and set it on the crown of Veronica’s warm head, fingers curling in slightly to truly feel the softness of her newly-washed, freshly-brushed mop of hair.
“Come on now.”
Veronica’s shoulders visibly fell as Heather withdrew her hand, and she looked down at her teddy for a moment before planting a kiss on his face and twisting around one more time to set him aside, on the couch, behind her. Heather smiled.
“That’s a girl,” she said softly, bending down, “Now...” and with both hands, she lifted the bowl to reveal the food she’d prepared underneath: a Pooh spoon and a Piglet fork with purple handles laid beside a couple of saltine crackers spread out in the largest section of the divided plate, half a banana cut up into slices in the middle section, and a smattering of applesauce in the smallest section. “Bon appétit.”
Veronica blinked, taking in her little feast, and a smile instantly made its way back onto her face as she looked up to meet Heather’s eye, bringing both her knees up toward her chest as her hands reached up to hide her face a bit.
“Thank you, Mommy,” she said shyly.
“Mmhm,” Heather hummed nonchalantly, Setting the bowl down for a second, she pulled out her phone again, picking out Heather Duke’s name from her contacts list and tapping to FaceTime. “Try and eat something first. And don’t forget your water.”
Heather, you fucking pillowcase.
“The TV’s also set up if you want to watch a cartoon or something,” she added absently as she tried Heather McNamara’s phone instead. “You know how to work the TV.”
“I do! Will you watch with me, Mommy?” Veronica asked as she spooned a slice of banana into her mouth.
“Maybe. We’ll see.” Picking up the bowl again, she handed Veronica her phone. “Here. Keep calling. They’ll pick up. I did tell them five minutes.”
Heather took her time getting ready for bed, showering, brushing her teeth, her hair, and taking a few minutes to lie down on her bed in the dark and quiet. At some point during her shower, it occurred she ought to have told Veronica to pace herself while eating so she didn’t choke, but maybe Heather and Heather took care of that. Later, she wondered if she should’ve made it clear that if Veronica couldn’t finish what was on her plate—impossible as that seemed considering how little there was—it was okay, though the other two might’ve already said that too.
Without her phone, she had no idea what the time was, or how long she took for herself. All she knew was that while she was making her way to the bathroom, Veronica’s voice rang clear throughout the empty house, and by the time she came out of the bathroom, it was silent. She stood in the hall for a good moment and listened before heading off to chill in her room, where sleep crept about in the shadows.
Were Heather and Heather home, she wouldn’t think twice about flopping into bed and falling into a deep sleep. But they weren’t. She had to do everything: make sure Veronica brushed her teeth, read her a chapter of a story or start a new one if the book they were reading finished already, and tuck her into bed as she always did. Not that she minded. Of course she didn’t. But her bed felt so nice, her eyelids so heavy, and her room pleasantly calm and dark.
Fuck, if nothing else, she had to at least say goodnight. If Veronica fell asleep on the couch, at least she had a plethora of blankets and pillows to keep warm. And, of course, she had her teddy bear, and what was more important to a little girl than that?
Somewhat reluctantly, Heather dragged her ass out of bed, running a hand through her hair to clear it from her eyes, and yawned as she made her way through the hall and down the stairs, squinting and shielding her eyes with a hand as the downstairs light flooded her vision the closer she got to the ground floor. She turned it off.
Under the dim light of only a small lamp set on the corner table, Veronica was lying on the leather couch on her side, the left half of her face hidden against the couch’s arm, and sprawled across all three seats with one of the fuzzy blankets covering her from chest to toe. Cody was lying pressed to her, his face buried in her chest. Her visible eye was barely open, fixed on the screen of Heather’s phone, laid horizontally, the faint sounds of YouTube playing softly from the speakers.
Her plate and sippy cup were nowhere to be found.
Heather approached, circling the coffee table, and briefly rested a hand atop Veronica’s leg and hip as she passed the seats on which they laid.
“What are you watching?”
Veronica handed her the phone as she sat up, turning away briefly only to yawn. “Just this bit.”
“But when your names are Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn, no ordinary adventure is gonna do!”
Heather blinked. A trailer? Of all the random little things. “Why are you watching the VHS opening for...” she turned her phone right side up, pausing the video to read its title, “The Aristocats?”
As she rubbed her eye with her knuckles, Veronica gave a sleepy giggle, blinking up at Heather when her arm fell idle. “Why not?”
“Touché.” Shaking her head fondly, Heather closed out of the app and took a seat on the couch, right beside Veronica and the blanket swallowing her legs and feet. “You weirdo.”
“Hey,” said Veronica, audibly pouting and leaning over slightly to nudge her shoulder, “It was buggin’ me! All I remembered was the girl punched that boy for just saying hi to her. And something about them thinking one of the boys was dead. I just wanted to know what the movie was called, that’s all.”
At least she picked a good part to remember. “So you spent the last... however long watching Disney VHS openings until you found it?”
Veronica nodded. “Yep! And I got it on my first try too!”
“Hah. Good for you.”
Veronica nodded, shifting Cody in her arms to hug him tight and also sniff the top of his fuzzy blue head before looking up again. “Mommy?”
Heather stared at her. Veronica clutched Cody tighter.
“Cody wants to know,” she began carefully, lifting one hand to cradle her teddy’s head, “can we sleep with you in your bed tonight? Please?”
If Heather were more awake, her first instinct would’ve been to ask why, even though it wasn’t exactly rocket science. After a yawn, she leaned back against the couch, staring over at Veronica lazily. “What’s wrong with your bed?”
Veronica shrugged. “Nothing’s...” and she yawned too. “Nothing’s wrong with it, it’s just...” She yawned again, and gripped at the hem of her sleeve to rub at her teary eyes. “The house feels really empty tonight.”
“Well, yeah, half the people here are out.”
Veronica nodded again, biting her lip as she looked down at her teddy bear.
In the silence between them, the clock continued to tick on from the kitchen, from the living room. Tick, tick, tick, a monotonous mechanical lullaby. Heather heaved a sigh, closing her eyes.
“If you kick me, you’re sleeping by yourself, understand?”
In hindsight, it probably would’ve been far less stressful to help Veronica brush her teeth than it was to watch her use mouthwash in an effort to shave off time, but they got through it. They made it to Heather’s bed without needing to call poison control, however close that was, and by all accounts, that was a fucking win.
Getting to sleep in someone else’s bed was always a treat, and tonight was the biggest treat of all, because it was Mommy’s bed. Which only meant one thing: cuddles. Mommy wasn’t big on cuddles normally, but now it was bedtime. There was nothing quite like falling asleep in each other’s arms all warm and cozy, and if there was one thing Veronica was good at, it was snuggling. Momma said so. And so did Mama. And hopefully, Mommy would too.
The second her cheek touched her pillow, Veronica breathed out a contented sigh, curling into herself as she burrowed beneath the covers, and yawning what had to be her twentieth one that hour. She closed her eyes briefly as the lights went off above her, and waited with anticipation for her mommy to join her. She was ready for a good night’s sleep with one of her most favorite people.
It only took five seconds to walk from the door—where the light switch was—to the bed, so when Mommy didn’t show up, Veronica straightened, lifting her head and peering over her shoulder, and deflated a bit when she saw the faint glow of Mommy’s iPhone illuminating her pretty face as she stood with her back to the door, the distinct sound of her thumbs tapping away at her keyboard.
“Mommy,” Veronica began, her voice a little higher, and maybe even a bit whinier, “come cuddle!”
Mommy went on typing. Veronica sank back onto her pillow, rolling onto her back, and wiggling her feet under the blanket slowly warming up.
“You saying goodnight to Momma and Mama?”
“Mm,” hummed Mommy. She swayed on her feet a little before actually moving, walking toward the bed until she reached the end and going around to the other side, face staring down at her phone screen all the while. “They’ll be home tomorrow afternoon. Something about stopping at whateverthefuck and—I have no idea how the hell to say that, fuck you—and they also said goodnight.” Placing her phone face-down on the bedside table, she lifted the blanket and crawled in, lying on her back and pulling her red sleeping mask down over her eyes. “They told me to tell you they said sweet dreams and goodnight, and that they’re proud of you for being a good girl.”
Veronica bit her lip as she turned onto her side. “Are you proud of me, Mommy?”
“Mm,” Mommy hummed. “Sure.”
So that was a no.
Mommy laid there as still and as straight as a log, her eyes hidden under her mask, both arms at her sides just under the blanket. Veronica puckered her lips in thought. If Mommy wasn’t going to do it first, guess she had to.
She wiggled her toes to wake up her foot and slowly scooted it toward where she knew Mommy’s leg would be.
“Don’t kick me, Veronica.”
“I’m not, I swear.” Her toes barely grazed her ankle; it hardly counted. Carefully, she withdrew her leg. After some thought, she slowly reached for her mommy’s hand instead.
“Whatever you’re doing, stop.”
It was almost unfair how quick the lump took hold of her throat, like it was waiting for its chance, and maybe it was. Her eyes stung with the threat of warm tears, and she withdrew her hand to wipe at them before they fell. Reluctantly, she shifted again, rolling over onto her other side, hugging her knees to her chest as she slipped her head from the pillow and down onto the mattress, lying her head on her arm as the blanket swallowed her up. If it wasn’t so cold to move, she’d go get Cody from her room to cuddle. But then, she wasn’t sure she’d be allowed back if she left.
Maybe Mommy was still mad about the party. After all, it was because she threw up that they had to leave. And she couldn’t even say sorry for it because that made Mommy mad too.
God, she missed Mama and Momma so much.
She did her best to cry quietly, swallowing her sobs and spacing out her sniffles, wiping her tired eyes with the heel of her palm every now and again. Beside her, she heard Mommy sigh a little and mumble something before pulling back the blanket and getting out of bed. She listened to her mommy walking across the floor, probably to go to the bathroom. Maybe this was her chance to get Cody and come back before Mommy noticed she was gone. Then she could sleep.
Then the light came on, and quick footsteps padded toward her side of the bed and pulled the blanket from over her head, letting in the cool air. Swallowing one last time, though not because she was crying—not entirely—Veronica peered at her mommy standing over her, blinking several times and groaning at the brightness.
“What’s wrong?” Mommy asked, her voice low. Her sleeping mask was on her forehead again, keeping her blonde hair from her eyes. She nodded, tossing the corner of the blanket she was still holding aside. “Sit up.”
Veronica sat up, clutching the hems of her pajama sleeves to wipe her tear-streaked face before moving to hug her knees. She kept her gaze downward, on her recently-abandoned pillow with its red pillowcase, as the bed depressed beside her.
“Veronica, look at me, please.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, but only briefly. To stop the tears. “Sorry I woke you up.”
“I wasn’t asleep.” After a few seconds, Mommy sighed again. “Veronica. come on. What’s wrong?”
She hugged her knees tighter. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
“You.”
A chill ran down the back of her neck the second that word left her mouth, and she braced herself for the immediate consequence. For Mommy to yell at her to sleep in her own room, or Mommy’s hand grabbing her shoulder and turning her around to slap her, or... something.
Stupid fucking impulse.
“...Yeah? Go on.”
When she finally turned around, incredulously, Mommy was looking at her, her pretty face as gentle as the sound of her voice, no trace of any anger anywhere. Even as she watched Veronica just sitting there, she didn’t seem impatient either, and when their eyes finally met, Mommy seemed to realize something, her eyes widening just a bit.
“Oh. Was that just...?”
“You’re not mad?”
Mommy gave a small smile as she shook her head, removing her sleeping mask from her forehead and set it on her lap. “It’s late. I’m tired, you’re tired. The sooner we get to the bottom of this, the sooner we can sleep.” Looking up again, she nodded, jutting out her chin. “So? What is it? You miss Heather and Heather?”
Veronica took in a breath as she shifted and sat criss-cross-applesauce, sniffling again as she held her cold toes in her warm hands, rocking back and forth a little. Mommy was right. The sooner they solved this, the happier they’d be.
“I do miss them. Whenever I sleep in their beds, Momma and Mama always cuddle with me.” The tears were coming back for an encore. Crap. “And... And they tell me they’re proud of me without me needing to ask.” She harshly wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and swallowed hard, but still her eyes were blurry. “And I actually believe them when they say it. And they tell me they love me, and I never have to ask, and this entire night I feel like I’ve just been bothering you, and if you didn’t want to be my caregiver after we got home because you’re still mad we had to leave the party early because I threw up, then you should’ve just said so!”
This time, she didn’t hold back, sobbing pitifully as she wiped at her eyes until the hems of her sleeves were good and damp, her tired eyes fixed on the cold floor, waiting for her mommy to say something, and half-hoping she wouldn’t. Braving the cold seemed the easier of the two options, so when another moment passed and Mommy still didn’t say anything, Veronica scrubbed angrily at her damp face, swallowed what she was determined to be the last of her tears, and braced herself for the sting of the ice-cold floor.
“Where are you going?”
“To my room. I’ll sleep by myself, with Cody. Goodnight.”
She began to walk, ignoring the fresh tears springing to her eyes. One foot in front of the other. Five seconds to the door. Step by freezing step. As she passed the foot of the bed, a warm hand grabbed her wrist, and Mommy’s soft voice came again:
“You don’t—you don’t have to do that.” Mommy’s warm hand reached out and touched hers, lacing their fingers together. “Come here, Ronnie.”
Though her feet were aching to get back into Mommy’s warm bed, she stayed where she was, looking at the door, the closet, anywhere but behind her. She heard the bed creak as Mommy got up, and lowered her gaze as Mommy came into view beside her, and didn’t move when warm arms slowly made their way around her, under her arms, pulling her forward, her chin pressing against Mommy’s shoulder, breathing in the citrus shampoo she’d used when washing her hair.
It was hard to keep still. This was all she wanted, but she didn’t want it if it was only because of guilt. It wasn’t real if it was out of guilt.
Mommy pressed her close, one hand coming up to settle on the crown of her head. “I’m not mad we had to leave the party. To tell you the truth, I was glad. It was a shithole long before your contribution.”
She pulled back, slipping a hand under Veronica’s chin to lift her gaze, offering a kind of half-smile.
“Guess I wasn’t doing as good a job as I thought, huh?” And after a moment, her smile faded, and she added, eyes briefly flickering away, “I’m sorry, Veronica. I didn’t think you needed me to... say or do those things. You usually don’t.”
Veronica looked down at her feet, rubbing her arms and gripping the fabric of her sleeves as she hugged herself. “Usually Mama and Momma are home too. And...” she sniffled, “just because I don’t need it, doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”
Mommy nodded.
“Well,” she began, sitting down at the foot of the bed, “If you still want to sleep here, then... we could. Cuddle. If you want.”
Veronica smiled a little. “Yeah?”
“And... maybe we could talk?”
She took a few steps back, sitting at the edge of her side of the bed. “About?”
Mommy shrugged. “Whatever. Like... we rely on those two way too much.”
“Maybe a little,” Veronica said, smiling as she settled into her side of the bed again, the back of her head resting on the pillow as she pulled the thick, warm blanket over herself again, clutching the edge of it in her hands. “You know, Mama actually said that she and Momma were betting on whether you’d be able to take care of me by yourself.”
Mommy scoffed, rolling her eyes as she rose from the foot of the bed, grabbing her sleeping mask. “Of course they would.”
“And then Momma told her to be quiet, it was just a silly little joke between them. And Mama said she’s just salty because she knows she’ll lose. And I said they’re gonna get in big trouble cuz I’m gonna tell!” She squeezed her eyes shut as the light went off, and opened them to watch Mommy’s shadow move across the room.
“Did you? And what did they say?”
“Oh, they laughed.”
“Hah. That figures.”
She rolled onto her side when Mommy fully got into bed, only scooting closer when Mommy opened her arms and allowed her to. She rested her head on her shoulder, and her hand naturally settled about her mommy’s chest. Beneath the blanket, their legs entwined, cold feet pressing against warm ankles, and they each squirmed and shifted and kicked and laughed at the contrast.
When they were good and settled, Veronica turned away to let out a yawn before settling back again, her head nestled under the crook of Mommy’s neck, one hand lazily gripping the collar of her mommy’s pajama top, her eyes fluttering closed under Mommy’s eye mask as her body tingled with warmth from all sides, outside as well as in.
“Night, Mommy. Love you.”
“Love you too, Ronniekins.”