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The freckles. It's the damn freckles that really do him in and Chris has half a mind to just stare into the sun so his vision can go to shit and he won't have to deal with this. But that would mean that he wouldn't be able to see the rest of Felix anymore and that is completely out of the question.
He sees them everywhere, though.
When he's looking at Felix, obviously. When he's looking at selfies of him and Felix. When he's backstage, watching back performances after a recording. When he's going through posts on his phone during Chan's Room. They're constantly somewhere in his line of site.
They're also there when he technically doesn't have to be looking at Felix. When he's zoning out, on the way to the studio. When he's trying to get his mess of a hair under control before a company meeting. When they're getting their makeup done and he tries not to pout when he sees the stylist applying full-covarage foundation to Felix's face, again.
The entire world, Chris included, has been telling the company that they should be more visible, but not much has come of it unfortunately. He shouldn't be taking it as personally as he is, they are Felix's after all, but he can't help it. In his opinion, everyone should be in the same predicament as him. That would make life a little more fair, Chris thinks. I won't have to suffer alone.
It doesn't stop Minho from accidentally squishing Felix's cheeks every once in a while, before they get on stage, though. Rubbing off some of the product on the younger's cheekbones and nose.
"Ah! Sorry noona, I couldn't help it! Our Yongbokkie has just gotten so handsome!" He'd chirp in response to the stern look being thrown his way.
It always has Felix complaining, before looking over at Chris and flushing at the undoubted dopey smile he's sure he's sporting. Better. He thinks. Distracting. But better. Minho is truly a menace - a wingman for the ages.
He sees them in the brief moments of reprieve from schedules. When it's just the two of them on their way back home, Felix safely tucked under Chris's arm. Earpods in, listening to their respective playlists.
Toothrottingly cute, in Chris's bed, where the younger's cheek is pressed into his chest, dark spots shifting slightly as Felix tells him about some cool upgrades he's thinking of doing to his PC. Chris just wants to poke at them, so he does. Because he can. And that's still so hard to believe. Even when Felix groans and bites at his fingers before burrowing his face further into Chris's shirt.
"Listen to me when I'm talking!" He'd grumbled somewhere around Chris's ribs and pinched at his side.
"Ow! I am! I am!" He laughed, trying to squirm his way out of the younger's hold. Felix for his part, popped his head up and gave him an unimpressed look, before shifting slightly and that was all the warning Chris got before there were fingers digging into his other side. This time under his t-shirt.
"Oh, yeah? What did I just say?" And Chris would find the cocky little smirk on his face really attractive, if he weren't too busy trying not to scream. Changbin was probably sleeping, they should be quiet.
"You- haha! Ah! Y-you were- ah, fuck! Talking about, new lights?" He managed through gasps. Hands shooting up to grasp at Felix's wrists. Not too tight. Just to keep him from moving them around too much.
Felix paused his assault on Chris's person and shifted again. Chris only got a moment to breath before he was treated to a lapfull of smug Lee Felix, as the younger settled his weight over his hips.
"And?" There was that shit eating grin on his face and Chris quickly became aware of two things. One, that Felix was going to be the death of him. Two, that holding onto the younger's wrists did nothing to stop the fingers that now began to rhythmically press into his skin.
God help him.
"And?" He repeated dumbly, trying and failing to stop his body from twitching with each little nudge. Distressed squeaks and giggle following each breath he took. He was finding situation less amusing by the second.
He could pull them away. Out of his shirt, save himself the torture and embarrassing noises leaving his mouth. He was physically stronger than Felix. He could pretty much tackle the younger and flip them - get his revenge for the insolence. Watch the fight leave him as Chris held him down returned the favor, with Felix having no way of him escaping.
Gloat in victory.
He could have done all of that but there was a look in Felix's eyes that pinned him where he lay. There was something sharp and calculating in his gaze and Chris felt himself shudder. Unable to move, aside from the involuntary jumps of his chest when Felix would press particularly hard into his ribs. What escaped his lips wouldn't be classified as laughter or giggles - he wasn't feeling jovial, not anymore. The soft fluttering upon his innitial urge to poke at the younger's cheeks - now replaced with slowly rising anticipation for whatever he's currently being given.
He felt his mind fog over with the sudden urge to... behave? It felt weird and new, but the warm weight and piercing eyes holding him in place was threatening. Addictive.
"And? What else did I say?" Oh, Felix's voice was truly something special. The words came out smooth and rich, blanketing the shifting mood with something heavier. Warmer. Eyes narrowing on Chris's mouth, when a particularly whiney little sound escaped his lips.
"Felix..." He swallowed and tried wracking his brain for something he may have missed in the conversation. Admittedly, it was really hard to focus now when those damn fingers had started gently stroking at his sides, only pressing in every couple of seconds or so. Curious and inconsistent, but not stopping.
He was buzzing. It didn't feel like he was ticklish anymore. It felt like Felix had just found new buttons to press, that Chris wasn't even aware of. He knew that getting with Felix would lead them both into new territory, but this isn't something he'd expected. Not at all.
His whole body lit up like a match stick everytime he felt Felix switch between barely there caresses and intentional little pokes that had Chris's head spinning. Soothing him gently for just a bit before digging a random assortment of digits into his already sensitive skin. He felt the tension in his back, was he arching? He couldn't tell. Felix seemed content to just sit there and study his reactions, question seemingly forgotten. Eyes heavy and fingers incessant where they prodded at him.
Minutes passed, or maybe second, days? Chris wasn't sure but he was vaguely aware that at some point his mouth had dropped open, the whines and hitches in his breath no longer halted by anything. He could feel his own fingers twitching against the younger's wrists, he didn't pull them away or tighten them. All he seemed to be aloud to do under those eyes was lay there and take it. The thought made goosebumps scatter up his arms and neck. Why is this hot?
"Shit... Lix."
"Yeah?" Oh God, that voice.
"Feels- Ah! Feels good?" He knew he sounded confused. He was confused. But this was Felix. Why would he be confused? They've shared so much, seen so much, over the years. It shouldn't matter that this whole situation was absolutely ridiculous. That he felt wired and ready for-... for what? He wasn't sure, but if it had anything to do with Felix - Chris would take the plunge, head first. Every time.
He was no prude - not by a long shot. This many longing looks and lingering touches had made him aware of the way these things happened in their line of work. Frustration tended to build up, until it snapped and someone did something about it. But it all felt so different with Felix. Like he was a teenager again. All butterflies and raging hormones.
"Does it now?" And he could swear that the he felt the younger's hips move purpousfully over his own. What the Hell are they doing? And who cares? He'll let Felix do whatever he wants with him. Whenever he wants it. However he wants it. Just. Just don't stop. Please. The words were on the tip of his tongue.
"Yes, Lix." Silence above him.
He was only made aware of the fact that his own eyes had slipped shut, when they flew open because of a loud banging at the door.
"Hyung! I know you're not asleep! Can you come to the kitchen?" Hyunjin's voice had cut through the thick air in the room and Chris felt like he was just dunked in an ice bath.
"Y-yeah, sure! What's up?" His own cracking horribly on the 'Yeah' and Felix giggled somewhere above him. All traces of the heavy atmosphere a moment ago, gone. Chris just sent him a betrayed look but was stopped dead in his tracks when he'd finally focused on the younger's face again.
Cheeks rosey, lips pretty and freshly bitten. Freckles, contrasting in the pink and purple light of his room.There was an edge to his smile that Chris only ever saw on occasion. A bit more often since they'd officially-unofficially become an item. It always made him feel like his throat was a little too dry. Clothes a little too tight, fingers restless to have something to hold onto. What was he doing, again?
"Changbin-hyung broke the sink again! Can you come check it out? You okay in there?" Oh, right. Hyunjin was at his door, now sounding a little worried from what Chris's frazzled brain could gather.
"He's fine Hyunjinnie! He'll be right out!" Felix called, picking up on Chris's brain fog and sounding far too amused. There was a pause and a noise of confirmation from the other side of the door.
And Felix was finally retracting his hands from Chris's shirt, where his fingers had splayed out as wide as possible over his sides. Like they were soaking in the last bit of body heat they could. Quirked a brow at him and unceremoniously got off his lap.
It was all Chris could do to hide in his hands and whine miserably as the younger cackled and walked out to greet Hyunjin and buy him some time. He could hear a bout of laughter from just outside his door and he knew why. Heard Felix saying something in an indignant tone and then there was the sound of fading footsteps in the direction of the kitchen.
He was left with the sinking feeling that he had lost, somehow. At what, he wasn't sure, but Felix was sure as Hell going to take advantage of whatever the fuck this was from now on. The little demon. He could still feel the ghost of fingers on his skin, the weight and heat missing from his lap.
He was also aware of the fact the he was embarrassingly, obviously, undeniably hard.
In short, Felix has been driving him mad. Why? Because he can't think about anything else. Can't write about anything else. Can't talk about anything else. Thank God it's not terribly out of character for him. Of course, he keeps all of his horny thoughts to himself, although the rest of the guys seem to have caught on at this point. That's something he absolutely doesn't want to think about.
He's fucked.
It's been two weeks since Chris awkwardly poured his heart out to Felix and things have been going - for lack of a better word, smoothly. Mostly because Felix is an absolute angel... mostly. Endlessly patient, supportive and sweet in a way that makes Chris feel like he must have saved an entire country in a previous life to deserve this chance.
The chance to shower the younger in as much affection as he can physically provide without hanging off of Felix's shoulders 24/7. To constantly remind him of how wonderful and breathtaking and beautiful he is. Kiss him, hug him, ruffle his fluffy hair, adjust his collar, bring him little snacks from the convenience store, get on his knees and proclaim every stupid, lovesick thought running through his head at all times. Make up for the years he could have been doing all of this, as the younger hid in his hoodie and groaned in embarrassment, before dragging Chris to his feet and kissing him. All red cheeks and poorly hidden pleased smiles. He's perfect. Chris thinks. He's perfect and he's mine and how is this happening?
It's the high of just getting together. He knows that. Honeymoon phase and all. It's just all a little new (he can't stop repeating that in his head) to him, especially being this smitten with someone for the first time and it being reciprocated just as enthusiastically. He never thought that he'd be this much of a sap. Although, apparently he's the only person who finds it all so surprising. Minho, in particular, has been giving him Hell for it.
He really can't fathom it properly. To allow himself the luxury of knowing that he can always make his way over to the other dorm and snuggle up against the younger in his room. Or just lay comfortably on Felix's bed, while he waits for him to finish his game and then get to cuddle him to his heart's content. They were all so touch starved at this point, that he almost felt bad for taking up so much of Felix's time. Almost.
It was almost better that way actually. Because he would be lounging and loudly complaining about feeling lonely for about 10 minutes, only to be rewarded with Felix powering down his PC and pouncing on him. Wrapping himself tightly around Chris, like an octopus. It feels like a reward he has to work for and that he can definitely understand.
He knows that Felix enjoys compliments and verbal validation, but what surprises him is how much the younger seems to respond to being wanted. He had noticed it early on, maybe two or three days after the fact. The way that Felix's eyes would linger on him after Chris would just manhandle him into a hug during practice. How he'd get all shy and soft when Chris would tell him how good he's doing with the new choreography. Praise him, when he nails a recording. Fawn over the latest batch of brownies left on their kitchen counter. All of that comes naturally to Chris and he now gets to see how it actually affects Felix, when they don't have to pretend it's platonic.
It's dizzying how different Felix's responses feel now. How the younger has apparently taken a liking specifically towards Chris's styling choices lately. If they could even be called that. But Felix's fingers have now taken up permanent residence in the holes of his muscle shirts. Over his chest, when they put him in a crop top. On his hip bones, under a hoodie. Digging into his biceps when he has a dress shirt on, as if he can get to the skin under it, if he presses hard enough.
"My hands are cold, hyung." He'd mutter. They're in the studio for a recording session. It's boiling outside and in the JYP building and Felix's hands are definitely not cold.
"Good thing these look so good on you." Would get pressed into his shoulder. Hemline of the cropped tank top barely reaching his weistband, where Felix's hands are snuggly tucked under it. Dragging it up, as they make their way up his stomach.
"You look so soft in that, I just wanna nap on you. I'm stealing it, by the way. You're not getting it back." Muffled into his chest through the oversized hoodie he'd been given as an early birthday present. Felix's fingers absently doing rounds just under his ribs. He's in Chris's lap, but there's a fair bit of distance between their bodies, as Felix needed to curl in on himself to rub his face into the soft material.
"Shit, I forget how strong you are." Hissed into his back where Felix had glued himself to Chris, backstage. The excuse this time was giving him a massage to loosen up his stiff shoulders. That had quickly turned into feverish little squeezes over his arms. The blue shirt will definitely rumple and Felix definitely doesn't seem to care.
It all leaves him winded and stumbling over his words for a response. They don't do this openly in front of the others. At the very least, to be respectful. The thought alone keeps them as clear headed as they can be in these situations. But something is clearly building and Chris is sure that Felix feels it too.
They'd promised to take it slow. They barely had time to sneak in a kiss or two without getting too carried away. But there was only so much blushing and one of them excusing himself for a few minutes they could do, before the dam breaks.
The issue is, that neither of them factored in just how much of a difference it made to be allowed to want. To be allowed to have what they wanted. That it was welcomed, craved even. Going slow sounded easy enough when they thought that their dynamic wouldn't change at all. Honestly, for the most part, it hasn't. But every little touch has been adding fuel to the fire and he's just mixing metaphors at this point.
He just really, really can't help how wild his fantasies have been going lately, with Felix unsurprisingly taking center stage in each one.
He's close to vibrating out of his own skin by now and Felix doesn't seem to be doing much better. If the way the younger has a death grip on his thigh on the car ride to the airport is any indication. Felix is struggling just as much as he is with keeping his hands to himself. More-so than Chris.
However, while they're both pretty handsy with everyone in the group Chris's poker face was definitely lacking in comparison to Felix's. And the younger has apparently been taking great pleasure in exploiting his new-found discovery. Tit-for-tat, Chris supposes.
This tour is going to be a mess. He just needs to live through it. Survive long enough to not spontaneously combust on stage, or something.
That is. If Felix will let him.