Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Donnie would never admit it out loud, but he's worried about Leo. Not about his physical injuries – well, no, that's not true. He is very much worried about that, but that part isn’t exactly a secret. Even if he wanted it to be, all the hovering and fussing he did in the two weeks Leo was stuck in the medbay would've given him away anyway. 

No, what he's most worried about right now is Leo's emotional state. It's been three and a half weeks since the invasion, and while Donnie had expected his brother to be down for a bit, he'd thought Leo would bounce back quicker than this. Or at all. 

Leo's quiet, for one thing. Normally Donnie would be glad about that, glad for the opportunity to get some work done without his self-proclaimed twin hovering over his shoulder, but… now that he's actually gotten it, he finds there's nothing he wouldn't do to have Leo pestering him constantly again. 

He's a lot more serious, too, which… is just weird. He actually attends training regularly, and Donnie has lost count of the times there's been a perfect opportunity for a terrible joke and Leo's started to say it before clamming up. Again, something he'd thought he'd be happy about in the unlikely event it ever happened, but he's not. He misses Leo's stupid, stupid jokes. He misses his brother. Whoever this turtle is, it's not the Leo he knows. 

As much as he hates even thinking it, sometimes it feels like that Leo never made it out of the prison dimension after all. 

So. Yeah. Donnie, worried. Not that knowing that does him much good, because what exactly can he do about it? Mikey and Raph have both already tried to get Leo to talk to them, and if they haven't managed then Donnie certainly won't be able to. All he can really do is keep an eye on Leo's injuries and monitor his sleeping and eating, things like that. 

And if that's resulted in him neglecting his own sleeping and eating habits, well, no one has to know. 

Except he forgot to take into account the fact that Leo is a lot smarter than he pretends to be, and that he knows Donnie. Of course Leo would figure it out. And of course he'd try to blackmail Donnie into taking care of himself too. 'I'll only sleep if you do,' the nerve of him! It's not like Donnie couldn't just slip some sleeping pills into his food or something like that, after all.  

He knows Leo would be pissed at him for that though, and probably refuse to take care of himself even more afterwards, just to be difficult. So he reluctantly goes along with Leo’s manipulation, and that night, goes to sleep in his bed for the first time since the invasion. 

He’s not quite an insomniac, at least not to the same degree that Leo is. But he’s certainly ruined his sleep schedule lately, and on top of that he’s worried (however irrationally) about something happening to Leo while he’s sleeping, so it takes him quite a while to actually drift off. A couple of hours, in fact. 

He does eventually get to sleep, fitful and restless – though, whether that’s a good thing or not is up for debate.

Because when he sleeps, he dreams.

He was going to die in here.

He’d known that going in, of course, and when the portal closed on the ship he’d known it had permanently severed him from his previous life. His swords had been sent flying off who knows where – he’d thought he saw one of them go through the portal before it had closed – and there was no other way out, besides the key. Which the kid had, and he knew the kid wouldn’t risk causing the apocalypse again just to save him, so. Yeah. 

Knowing didn’t make it any easier to accept, though. He wished he could, he really did – if he did manage to accept it then maybe there wouldn’t be a tiny part of him that still held onto the irrational hope that he’d get out of here somehow. That wasn’t going to happen. No one was coming to save him, and that was a good thing. No escape for him meant no escape for his companion. Which was good.

It was. 

Except he still couldn’t feel good about it, no matter how hard he tried. He knew he should, this was just what heroes did – and considering he’d been the one to cause all this in the first place, it seemed only fair that he should be the one to end it too. 

But he didn’t want to die. God, he didn’t want to die. He was so, so relieved his family was safe, and he genuinely was glad it had been him rather than any of them… but he was so scared too. He wanted out of here, he wanted to see his family again. He wanted – needed – to apologize for putting them all through this. He wanted to tell them he loved them, that he was proud of them, everything he should’ve said in his goodbye instead of cracking one last stupid fucking joke.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do any of that, not ever again. He was stuck here, for the rest of his probably very short life. It wasn’t fair. But he deserved this. He was just a kid. But he’d nearly caused the apocalypse. He didn’t mean to. Everyone would have died because of him. He didn’t know. He should have known. He should have listened. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair –

The mech was back, he noted distantly as he was punched into the concrete floor. Its hand wrapped around him and squeezed, hard. Probably aiming to break any remaining bones. It was unbelievably painful – but not nearly as painful as what came next. 

A loud CRACK. Pain, radiating outwards from the center of his shell. There was someone screaming, muffled, but he could barely focus on that or anything else because it hurt it hurt it hurt –

Donnie jolts awake all at once, biting back a scream. He’s halfway out the door before he even processes the fact that it was just a dream, but even then – it was so detailed and horrible and he just – he needs to see Leo. Just to make sure he’s okay, that he’s really here.

The door’s open a crack when he gets there, and he doesn’t want to bother Leo, doesn’t want to wake him if he’s asleep and certainly doesn’t want the teasing he’s sure would ensue if Leo found out that he’d been this affected by a simple nightmare. No, he’s not dealing with that, so he doesn’t knock, just pushes the door open a bit. Just enough to peek inside and – 

Well. For some reason, he’s not as shocked as he maybe should be to see Leo awake too – sitting hunched over with his face in his hands, trembling slightly. The relief Donnie feels at seeing his brother alive and safe is quickly overtaken with worry, and he only hesitates for a second before pushing the door the rest of the way open. 

The light from the hall falls on Leo, and he jerks his head up, startled. For just a second, Donnie catches a glimpse of wide, haunted, terrified eyes – before the mask falls into place and Leo puts on a grin that would almost seem real if Donnie didn’t know better.

But he does, and he’s not letting Leo brush this off like he always tries to with anything serious.

"Heya Dee, trouble sleeping? Or just miss me too much?" 

"... Something like that. What about you? I can't help but notice you're not asleep either."

Leo waves a hand dismissively. "Eh, you know how it is. Insomnia's a bitch, am I right?"

Yeah, no. He's not falling for that. He knows what insomnia looks like on his brother, and this isn't it. He tells Leo as much, and the slider nearly falters before the grin is back on his face. 

"Pshhh, yeah, but that was like… before everything. I'm a whole new man now, with new and exciting ways to not be able to sleep."

"So it's because of the Krang?"

That's… unfortunately about what he expected. And he absolutely doesn't miss the minute flinch that crosses Leo's face at the name. He can't help but wince a bit; maybe a bit insensitive to bring them up directly like that. Then again, all of them have been avoiding talking about it since it happened. Maybe it would be good to get some of it out?

… God, he wishes Raph or Mikey were here instead of him. They'd know exactly what to say. They wouldn't mind listening to Leo talk about… all that. Not that Donnie minds, per say, but. He's not good at this kind of thing and he knows it. He always feels like he'll put his foot in his mouth, say the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time because he doesn't get it like the others do. 

But Raph and Mikey aren't here. It's just him and Leo. And like hell is he going to go wake one of the others up to deal with this, he's not a coward and they need their rest just as much as Leo does. He can handle this. It's fine. 

"What was it like?" Okay, on second thought, maybe he can't handle this. What a question to open with. In his defense, it's kind of weighing on his mind after his own nightmare, but still. Foot, meet mouth. 

Leo looks caught off guard by the question. Almost nervous. "What… what was what like?"

Okay! Okay, great. He can fix this. Just think of something else he could plausibly have been asking about and use that instead. Do not ask about the prison dimension. Do not ask about the prison dimension. Do not –

"What was it like in the prison dimension?"

God. Damn. It. 

Donnie watches Leo go through all the stages of grief in rapid succession and regrets everything in his life that ever led up to this moment. He fully expects Leo to kick him out, and is about to turn and leave when – 

"It was cold."

Oh. 

Well. It's good to know his nightmare had gotten one thing right. He leans up against the wall and waits for Leo to continue. 

"It was – it was like. Really cold. I almost kinda thought I was gonna go into hibernation or whatever –"

"Brumation."

"Yeah, yeah, that. Super dark, too. The only light was really from – I mean there were some old… I dunno, machines or something that were still kinda giving off some light, but. Other than that." Leo's voice is quiet, so quiet Donnie almost has to strain to hear. And Donnie can't help but be a bit surprised at how… accurate all of this is to his own dream. You'd almost think –

Hm. For once, Donnie really, really hopes he's wrong about this. Not even because of how painful it had been – he'd already known that, he'd seen Leo's injuries, hell, he'd been the one to treat them for the most part – but… he remembers way too clearly all the thoughts that had been running through dream his-not-his head. If that's how Leo had been thinking… 

But he has to know. 

"Bits of spaceship debris everywhere. No ground outside of some large pieces of floor or wall or – or whatever. Any –"

Leo freezes. "How do you know all that?"

Well, shit. Donnie inhales. Exhales. Tries not to think about how hopeless dream him-not-him had felt. Tries not to think about any of it, really. 

"I think we may have mind melded. I think – I think I saw your dream."

Leo goes pale, and his hastily-tacked-on smile this time wouldn't fool anyone. "... Well. Hey. I – I told you twin telepathy was a real thing." 

Donnie resists the urge to roll his eyes – it's a mind meld which is something they can all (theoretically) do, but now really isn't the time to bring that up. "Sure you did, Leo. Now –" He hesitates briefly. Is this really a good idea? Him of all people trying to provide comfort? Literally anyone else would be better but again, they're not here. He is. "Do you. Want to, um… talk about it?" 

Leo’s eyes widen in disbelief and he stares at Donnie. “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my brother?”

"I'm not –" Donnie pauses, looks away uncomfortably. "Look, I get it, I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to about your feelings, but I – I won't even say anything if you don't want me to, I just –" He looks back at Leo, voice quiet. "I want to help. Let me?" 

Leo is suddenly very focused on his Jupiter Jim poster on the opposite wall. He looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here, doing anything but this. Which… isn’t what Donnie had hoped for, but it is what he’d expected. For the second time that night, he’s about to leave before he can make it worse somehow – and for the second time that night, Leo’s voice stops him.

“It’s… I. I didn’t want to do it.”

He doesn’t speak again for a bit, but based on his expression, there's more he wants to say. Donnie waits.

“I know it’s – I’m supposed to be a hero and – and heroes don’t… question that kinda thing or. Or regret it, or get scared, but I –” His fists ball up in the blanket. He still won’t meet Donnie’s eyes. “I didn’t want to. Everyone – everyone acts like I just – wanted to sacrifice myself at the first opportunity or something, but – god, I was so scared. I thought I was gonna die in there. I didn’t – I don’t want to die.”

There’s tears in his eyes, and he quickly wipes them away. Donnie notices, but he won’t mention it. 

“I don’t feel like a hero,” Leo admits quietly. “I feel like a kid. And – and I know I technically am, but it’s – I can’t. I don’t get to be. Because… the world is relying on us. On me. And if I fuck it up then –” He doesn’t finish the sentence, just lets out a choked laugh and shakes his head. “God, I sound like Raph, huh?”

“A little,” Donnie agrees, then pauses. He needs to choose his words carefully. “It… It’s not fair. You shouldn’t have that pressure on you. Raph shouldn’t have either, none of us should. It’s… our choices, our mistakes, shouldn’t have such a heavy weight. But, Leo,” and he steps forward, waiting until Leo looks up at him and meets his eyes. “What happened wasn’t your fault. Okay?”

Leo’s shoulders tense up. He doesn’t look away, he doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to for Donnie to hear the disbelief that would be evident in his voice. 

He’d expected that, though. It’s not that easy. He can’t just say some magic words and make Leo not blame himself, he knows that, but someone has to start somewhere, and this is as good a place as any. “I mean it. Yes, you made a mistake, and yes, that led to the Foot clan getting the key, which they used to bring in the Krang –”

“Great pep talk, bro,” Leo mutters, and Donnie rolls his eyes.

“I’m not done yet, dumdum. You made a mistake, but you. Didn’t. Know. I know you, Leo, I know you can take things seriously when they’re really important, and I know you would have taken this seriously if you had known. Besides… even if they hadn’t gotten the key then, the Foot wouldn’t have stopped trying, and sure, maybe they wouldn’t have gotten the key at all in that case. Or maybe they just would’ve been delayed a bit. There’s… there’s no way to calculate all the possible outcomes that could have happened if this or that went differently. It might have turned out better, yeah, or it might have turned out a whole lot worse. We have no way of knowing, so there’s no point dwelling on ‘what if’s.” 

Leo’s silent for a few moments, then huffs. “I hate it when you make sense, y’know.”

He can’t resist. “So, all the time, then?” 

“Har har.” Leo rolls his eyes, but there’s a small smile on his face. Donnie will take it.

They fall into a comfortable silence for a bit, before Donnie speaks again.

“... I know we said we’d both sleep, but I already know I’m not gonna be able to get back to sleep, and it doesn’t look like you are, either. So. Jupiter Jim marathon?”

“Oh hell yes,” Leo grins, and gets to his feet. “I’ll make the popcorn.”

Donnie waits for Leo to leave the room, then follows after him. He already feels a hell of a lot better just from Leo actually opening up to him (and no, the irony is not lost on him). He knows the path to healing isn't going to be easy – there's definitely still a lot more weighing on Leo's mind, and getting him to talk about it is like pulling teeth – but it's a start, and Donnie is nothing if not persistent. 

So even if it takes a while… yeah, they'll be okay.

Chapter Text

Things settle down for a bit after that, though part of that might be due to the fact that Leo and Donnie are barely ever asleep at the same time for more than five minutes. Donnie starts to let his guard down, starts to think that maybe it was just a one time thing. 

Until a little over a week later, when it happens again.  

It had just been a simple scavenging trip. It wasn't supposed to be dangerous, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this. 

Donnie usually stayed at camp, for more than one reason. First, objectively, he was way too valuable to the resistance to risk losing. They had plenty of fighters, but only one genius. If something happened to him, there’d be no one to fix and build the things they needed to keep them safe, and they’d all be as good as dead. Second, he barely ever left his lab anyway – despite how often Leo tried to coax him out, even for a meal once in a while. Too busy, he’d say, and Leo understood, but that didn’t mean he had to like it. Third, and this reason Leo would take to his grave, there was the whole… thing with Donnie's shell. It didn’t make him any weaker overall, and it definitely didn’t make him any lesser than the rest of them – they all had their own strengths and weaknesses – but he knew it made Donnie feel weaker, so he didn’t bring it up. 

He just… he just worried. Things were dangerous, especially now, and Leo was the leader. If something happened to Donnie, if something happened to anyone, it’d be his fault. And again, objectively alone, Donnie was important to the resistance, but subjectively… Donnie was his brother. His twin, the only one he had. Leo couldn't risk losing him too.

… This must’ve been how Raph had felt, huh? Leo wished he’d understood sooner. Maybe then none of this would’ve happened.

Anyway. Donnie usually stayed at camp, but this mission was different. There was something very specific he needed, something specific enough he apparently had to come himself to make sure he got the right thing. And it should’ve been fine, because again, just a scavenging trip. There shouldn’t have been any Krang anywhere near the area, they’d checked, double-checked, even triple-checked, and yet… 

They were ambushed. None of them saw it coming, not until it was too late. Leo was quick to start the evacuation, but Donnie, stupid, stupid Donnie, refused to leave until he found the part he needed.

Leo had been ushering people out of the building when he heard the scream, and whirled around to see the Krang dog on top of Donnie, biting down hard on his shoulder. It closed its mouth and Leo heard the crunch of metal, and when it pulled away there was blood dripping from its jaws.

There was another scream, one that seemed like it would go on forever, and it wasn’t until after Leo had sliced the creature in half and the scream still hadn’t stopped that he realized it was coming from him.

He crashed to his knees next to Donnie, pulling him into his arms, eyes darting over him to try and assess the damage. There was blood everywhere, and part of Leo knew there was nothing he could do, but he didn’t want to accept it. He couldn’t. 

“Donnie,” he said, trying to keep his voice from shaking too hard and failing miserably. “Donnie, hey, you – we gotta – gotta get back, gotta fix that up, c’mon –”

Donnie moved, just barely, and Leo’s heart leapt into his throat. He took Leo’s hand and pressed something into it, something cold and metal with wires sticking out from it. Must be the part Donnie had needed. 

It was small, small enough for Leo to close his fist around. How could something so small be so important? How could it be worth this?

“Leo,” and Leo looked up from the part into Donnie’s eyes, only half-open. “Get – get this back to camp, okay? You – it’s – just – go in my lab. The – the big machine, there’s a spot for it – s’finished otherwise, just put – put this in. Even – even a dumdum like you – should be able t-to manage it.”

It felt like the world screeched to a halt, because sure, Leo knew how serious the injury really was, but Donnie acknowledging it, admitting that he wasn’t going to make it out of this one… that was something else entirely, and Leo couldn’t – he just couldn’t.

“Don’t – don’t talk like that, you’re – we’re gonna get you out of here, it’s gonna be okay, just –”

“S-scoff. You’re n-not… that dumb. You know how – how this is gonna end.”

“No –” Leo shook his head, refusing to accept it. “No, Dee, you can’t – c’mon, you’re the smart one, I’m the one who – who does stupid shit like this, right? You can’t – you don’t want me to be out of a job, right, I have –” He choked back a sob. “I have a family to feed, you can’t just –”

There was a snort, then a cough, and blood spattered across Leo’s arm. He wanted to scream. 

“Nardo, you – you’re m- my twin, you really think – none of – none of that… would rub off on me-?”

That, somehow, was what cemented it. Made it real. The twin thing… had become a bit of an inside joke by now. Donnie didn’t seriously deny it anymore, and he’d even said it himself once or twice – but only as part of a joke, or to try to wheedle Leo into doing something for him. Never like this, never this seriously. Never like he really meant it. The fact that he was saying it now, like it was the last chance he’d ever have… 

He tried again. He had to. A last-ditch effort to convince Donnie not to give up, to convince himself that this wasn’t the end.

“You – you gotta make it through this, Don, c’mon, don’t – don’t you wanna take – the – the pizza box record, gotta take it back, right?”

The words were empty and they both knew it. The bridge was long gone by now anyway.

Donnie smiled sadly, patting Leo’s hand. “You’ll just – you’ll have t-to hold onto it – for… for me. ‘Kay?” Another cough. “H-hey. Y’know I – I love you, right, L-Lee? M’sorry I didn’t – didn’t – say it enough. N’ Mike – too. Tell h-him – love him… too.” 

Leo couldn’t see through the tears, could barely speak, but he had to – he had to get this out, it was more important than anything. “L-love – I love y-you too, Dondon, I – please, pl-lease, don’t do this –”

But Donnie’s eyes were falling closed, and there was a soft smile on his face that Leo hadn’t seen in a long, long time. Not since they were kids. He gave one last pat before his hand went limp, falling to the ground, and god, this couldn’t be happening, please don’t let this be happening, he’d do anything, just give his brother back, he just wanted his brother back. He just wanted to hear his laugh again, his snarking half-insults, even actual insults, the most hurtful things he could say, please, anything, he begged anyone who might be listening. 

But nothing answered, and the only sounds were Leo’s wails.

This time it’s Leo who nearly busts down Donnie’s door, barely seconds after the softshell turtle wakes up. He’s already halfway to the door himself anyway, so he opens it and immediately gets two armfuls of Leo, already in tears.

The one good thing about… whatever is going on with the shared dreams thing… is that neither of them needs to explain themselves. They both know what happened, no words are needed. 

Despite that, Leo's mumbling something against his shoulder anyway. Donnie tries to pull back just a bit, just so he can hear better, but Leo won't let him. He sighs. 

"You know you're gonna have to speak up if you want me to hear you."

Leo, oddly enough, shakes his head, but still lifts it a tiny bit. Just enough so his voice isn't muffled anymore. "M’sorry."

Oh.

Once again, he is really not equipped for this, but. He’s gotta say something. “It’s – it’s okay, Leo, it wasn’t… it was just a dream, okay? I’m here.”

That was, apparently, the wrong thing to say, because Leo tenses in his arms. Fuck. He runs over the words in his head, trying to figure out how he messed up, until –

“Wasn’t just a dream.” 

Wait, what?

He pats Leo’s shell a few times, a request to elaborate. It takes a minute, but Leo does.

“It… this has happened before. A few times. They’re – they’re not all bad! But, um. I talked to Case about a couple of them, ones he was in, and they were… a lil too close to what actually… actually happened. So.” He lets out a bitter laugh. “Y’know. If you wanna run any tests to figure out why the fuck I’m getting the memories of my dead future self beamed into my head as dreams, let’s at least wait til the morning.”

And that… that put things into a whole new perspective, one that Donnie kind of actually hates. He holds Leo tighter, as tight as he can without aggravating his injuries. 

"... I'm here," he repeats, because at least that much is true. "I'm okay."

Leo nods, hiding his face in Donnie's shoulder once again. The two of them fall silent for several minutes, just standing there, holding each other. 

Donnie’s about to suggest another movie marathon when the slider finally speaks up again, voice very small. 

"... Hey, Dondon?"

And just like that, Donnie's a little kid again. Awake past midnight, unable to sleep when the door of his room cracks open and his brother pokes his head in. Dondon… I had a nightmare. Can I stay in here tonight?

It's a stupid nickname. Childish. Leo hasn't used it in years, and Donnie really should shut it down right here and now or Leo'll think he doesn't mind it and start using it regularly again. 

… He thinks back to the nightmare. The panic and grief Dream Future Leo had felt. He thinks about the fact that all of that actually happened, even if they’ve managed to avoid that future themselves. He thinks about how heavy that knowledge feels, and how much worse it must feel to Leo.

Maybe he can let it slide, just for tonight. 

"C’mon," he says instead. He doesn't have to hear the question itself to know what Leo needs. He pulls Leo over towards the bed and – well his plan is to tuck Leo in and then grab something from his lab that he can work on in here, because he's pretty sure he's not getting any more sleep tonight. Leo, however, seems to have other ideas. He takes Donnie down with him, wrapping around him like a koala and refusing to let go. 

Donnie, as a general rule, isn't much of a cuddler. He doesn't always mind it, but it can get to be a bit too much sometimes and he can’t predict beforehand when that’ll happen, so he usually just… doesn’t. His brothers have always been very understanding of that, and he knows that if he asked Leo to back off right now, that he would.

Normally, he would. Normally, he’d stay for a few minutes or so, then make his excuses and slip away, secure in the knowledge that it wouldn’t be taken personally.

Tonight isn’t exactly normal, though, and right now he needs this almost as much as Leo does.

Chapter Text

Once again, things settle down for a while. Almost two weeks, this time. 

Of course, of course, it couldn’t last.

They were ready. Well, as ready as they'd ever be. They didn't know exactly what the key looked like, just that there was a key and approximately where to find it. They had a plan – ninja in, get the key, ninja out – and even some kind of emergency cloaking device neither of them really understood, courtesy of Donnie. They were ready.  

"Now remember," Donnie was lecturing the both of them, fussing over them like a concerned parent. Leo would’ve laughed if he wasn't busy trying to pretend he wasn't scared out of his mind. "The cloaking devices only have enough power to use each one once. They will last for thirty seconds. That should be more than enough time to get out if you get in trouble, but hopefully you won't need it. Just –" And an uncharacteristic expression that looked almost like worry crossed his face. "Just be careful. You'd better both come back safe."

They both nodded, and then they were off. Their window of opportunity was small. Not a moment to waste. 

They made it in just fine. Leo knew how to hide from the Krang's searching eyes all too well by now, and Raph was close behind him. Getting to the top of the building was a bit trickier, but they managed that too. There didn’t seem to be any enemies on the roof, thankfully, but Leo knew how quickly that could change. They needed to be fast.

He looked around, scanning the rooftop, until he spotted something out of place. A cylindrical object, carved with odd markings and glowing faintly, sitting on a pedestal. That had to be the key. It looked vaguely familiar, but Leo couldn't place from where exactly. That was fine, he could figure it out later once they were out safe. He nudged Raph and jerked his head towards it, noting that the snapper also seemed to recognize it a bit. There was a slight frown on his face, and he looked back over at Leo, lifting his hands to sign. 

'Do you –'

'Mhm. We can figure it out once we're back at the base, right now we just gotta focus on getting it.'

Raph's frown grew, but he didn't argue. He knew how important this was, after all. It wouldn't win them the war, not just yet, but it would stop the Krang from bringing more weapons and ships in from the other dimension. It could turn the tides. 

'Okay. I got it.' That phrase from Raph pinged something in Leo's mind, but he brushed it off and just nodded, readying his swords in case of a fight. The place looked empty, but he knew better than to assume based on that alone. 

Raph melted into the shadows, and Leo followed, the two of them making their way towards the key. The slider's heart felt like it was going to pound out of his chest. They were so close. 

And then it all went to hell. 

Raph had just gotten his hands on the key and seeing him holding it, the last puzzle piece slotted into place in Leo's mind. He let out a horrified noise before he could stop himself. Too loud. Way too loud. Anything more than silence was too loud but he couldn't even begin to care because this whole thing was his fault. 

Raph looked over to him at the sound, then down at the key, brow furrowed. He could pinpoint the moment Raph figured it out, and jerked his gaze away, not wanting to see the anger and disappointment on his brother’s face. He knew he’d have to deal with it at some point, but god, not right now. 

If he had looked at Raph, he would’ve seen the terrified expression on his face as he stared not at Leo, but behind him. If he’d looked at Raph, maybe things would’ve turned out differently.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not until –

“ LEO, LOOK OUT! ” 

He looked up then, saw Raph’s face, and spun around to see one of the Krangified Foot soldiers standing on a platform above him, a sharpened tentacle speeding towards him. There wasn’t any time to move out of the way, and looking back on it later, he’s not sure if he would’ve moved even if he could have. In the moment, just after the realization that he was the reason the Foot had gotten ahold of the key in the first place, he’d felt he deserved it.

If anything, that made what happened next a thousand times worse. 

He’d squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for the pain, but… it never came. There was a sound of something stabbing through something, but Leo didn’t feel any of it. So he cracked open an eye.

He’d been inches from death. The attack had been stopped just before it hit him, leaving him completely uninjured. He was, many would say, incredibly lucky.

Except right now, seeing his big brother standing over him with a razor-sharp tentacle through his chest and tears in his eyes, Leo didn’t feel very lucky at all.

“Why?” His voice was barely a whisper.

“You’re my little brother.” As if it was as simple as that. As if Raph hadn’t just saved the person who caused all of this in the first place.

"Raph –"

"You – you have to go, Leo."

His eyes widened and he shook his head automatically. "What-? No, I'm not leaving you!"

Raph pressed the key into his hands. Leo didn't even look at it, couldn't look away from Raph's face. The gentle understanding, the lack of accusation pierced his heart sharper than the Krang tentacle ever could have. "You know how important this is. You have to get it back to camp. P-please." 

"Raph, no –"

Raph placed a hand over his, closing his fingers around the key, and smiled . "Anata wa hitori janai. It’s okay, little brother."

Tears sprang to Leo's eyes unbidden, and he shook his head again, like he was trying to deny the facts that were right in front of him. He couldn't leave his big brother to die, he couldn't, how could Raph ask him to?

"Please…" He'd never thought his voice could sound so broken. 

"Leo." Raph squeezed his hand, growing more and more desperate. Somewhere in the back of his mind Leo realized the Krang soldier must have summoned backup by now, and it was probably almost here. And Raph… the tentacle was still in the wound, keeping him from bleeding out, but Leo knew it wouldn't stay that way forever. Still, he couldn't bring himself to move. "Please. I-it's not about me, you have to – have to win this war and you can't do that without the key. And – and they can't do it without you. If – if you ever – pick one time in your life to listen to me, l-let it be right now. Please."

He couldn't. He couldn't. But Raph was right. This key was the only thing right now that could give them a fighting chance. Without it, Leo would still lose Raph eventually anyway, along with everyone else he loved. 

He hated being the leader. He understood, now, why Raph had been so willing to let him take over back then. Because the leader was the one who had to make choices like this, choices between one person and the whole world that would haunt them for the rest of their life. 

Raph must've seen something in his face, some kind of acceptance, because he gave another soft smile and dug into his pack, pulling something out and offering it to Leo. 

His cloaking device. 

"Won't… need that. It – it'll give you a – a full minute, now. Should be – plenty of time." 

Leo couldn’t see through the tears. He shifted the key to one hand and took the cloaking device with the other, his whole body shaking. “Raph –”

“I l– I love you, Leo, okay? Don’t – ever forget that.”

“I – I – I love – love you too, Raphie, I – god, I’m s-so sorry –”

“Hey. S’not your… not your fault.” 

Leo didn’t believe that for a second, and he knew Raph knew that. But he didn’t want to waste what he still couldn’t bring himself to think of as their last moments together arguing, so he didn’t say anything in response. Instead, he bonked his forehead against Raph’s, squeezing his eyes shut tight. 

“I love you,” he repeated, like if he said it enough times he could take back all the ways he fucked up that led to this happening. Like if he said it enough it would erase the Krang, heal Raph’s wound, bring their family back together. 

It didn’t, of course, and when he opened his eyes the only thing that had changed were the sounds of Krang reinforcements storming up the building.

“Go,” Raph said, and Leo forced himself to nod. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.

He was gone by the time the first Krang soldier arrived. 

When Donnie wakes up, there’s already tears in his eyes. He has to take a moment to wipe them away before he can even think about processing that whole thing, let alone being there for Leo when he gets here.

Surprisingly enough, though, Leo doesn't actually come running this time. Donnie has to go looking for him – though it takes him several minutes to pull himself together first – and it's only when he checks Leo's room and finds it empty that Donnie realizes where he must be. 

Sure enough, when Donnie finds his way to Raph's room, Leo's just outside peeking in. He whips around when he hears Donnie's footsteps, his face covered in guilt and tears, and Donnie barely hesitates before pulling him into a hug. Leo tenses, just for a second, before melting into it, his arms coming up and around Donnie in return. 

Donnie already knows Leo won't believe him if he says it's not his fault, so he skips straight ahead to something more effective.

"He's here. He's okay, he's alive. You –" He barely keeps himself from flinching as he remembers what it had almost cost. "You stopped them." 

Leo nods into Donnie's shoulder, squeezing him the slightest bit. They’re both silent, then, the only sounds being Leo’s quiet sobs, his breath shuddering and hitching as he tries to calm himself down. It breaks Donnie’s heart a little, and not for the first time he wishes he knew what was causing these nightmare… memory… things, so he could figure out a way to put an end to them. 

It’s several minutes later when Leo finally speaks, so quiet Donnie can barely hear him.

"I left him."

And god, what can Donnie even say to that? ‘It was the right thing to do’ won’t make it hurt any less, and he kind of feels sick even thinking about saying it anyway, whether or not it’s true. ‘It’s okay’ is so far from the truth it’s almost laughable. There’s nothing he can say that would make this okay. Even knowing it didn’t happen for them and never will doesn’t soothe the grief in the moment. 

“He’s here,” he settles on repeating. It feels so woefully inadequate, like trying to use a bucket to drain the sea. “He wouldn’t – he didn’t blame you.” 

“... I know.” But he should have, Leo doesn’t say, but Donnie hears it anyway. His arms tighten protectively around his brother.

He can’t make Leo stop blaming himself. All he can do is be here for him, and do what he can to quiet the slider’s brain when it’s being too loud. He knows Raph would be able to help more – not least because the nightmare was about his death in the first place – but he also knows Leo. Even if he does offer to wake the snapper, Leo will turn him down in favor of letting Raph get his sleep.

“Want to watch me work for a while?” he asks instead. “Or we can have another movie marathon, if you want.”

Leo tenses in his arms, and Donnie’s worried that he somehow managed to say something wrong again until Leo speaks.

“Can – can we stay here…? Please?”

Oh. 

He nods, and Leo relaxes a tiny bit. Donnie manages to maneuver them so they’re on the ground, him sitting cross legged and Leo draped over him. It’s not the most comfortable position, but Leo isn’t going to go anywhere he can’t quickly check on Raph, and Donnie’s not leaving Leo, even to get some pillows. 

He’s fallen asleep at his desk in his battle shell plenty of times, anyway, so it’s not the least comfortable position either. It’s a small sacrifice, in the grand scheme of things.

Once the two of them are as comfortable as they’re going to get, Donnie starts talking about the latest invention he’s working on – an upgrade to the lair security systems. Leo just lays there and lets the words wash over him, nodding every so often to show he’s still listening. It’s nice, even if Donnie knows he won’t understand most of it. 

And if he talks a bit louder than he normally would, until Raph wakes up and finds them out in the hall, inviting them in for a much-needed turtle pile… well, no one has to know.

Chapter Text

Three weeks, this time. 

Really, he should’ve seen this one coming, considering the pattern that’s already been established. But, he’ll think later, even if he had been expecting it, that wouldn’t have made it any easier. 

It was over.

They’d lost.

The knowledge felt heavy in Leo's chest. He didn't want to say it, but… if they wanted to use the only chance they had left, he'd have to. He had to be the one to tell what was left of his family that they'd failed. 

So he did. And it was difficult, just like he'd known it would be, but it still wasn’t the hardest part. 

No, the hardest part was what came next. Putting their final contingency plan into action. Knowing what it meant. 

There was a reason this plan was an absolute last resort. 

He barely managed to keep his voice from cracking when he told Mikey what they needed. His brother nodded, knowing full well what it would cost, but never once questioning Leo. Because he was the leader. The oldest, ever since they'd lost Raph. The one who made calls like this. Like the one that had killed Raph. Like the one that would kill Mikey now. 

He couldn’t watch. Instead, he forced himself to focus on Casey. The kid who was going to save the world. They were pinning all of their hopes on him, and even if Leo would never know for sure whether or not he succeeded, the slider trusted that he’d be able to see it through.

Casey was confused. Leo couldn’t blame him. They’d never once mentioned this plan in front of him, because again, it was a last resort. They’d hoped they would never need to explain it, that it would never come to this.

He managed to get the drawing of the key down and the important bits explained, and then the Krang found them. They’d run out of time. 

Leo had to watch Mikey then, had to keep an eye on the progress, had to be ready to send his student back the second the portal was ready. Which meant he got to see as the cracks crawled up Mikey’s arms. He got to see his last remaining brother fracture, begin to shatter into pieces, the realization of what was about to happen dawning on Casey’s face. The kid raised a hand to try and stop Mikey, just a second too late.

With a wink and a smile, Mikey was gone.

That always was his baby brother. Optimistic til the end. 

(Though he’ll never be aware of it, something in Donnie’s gut twists right about now. It should be over. It always ends at this point. Why isn’t it over?)

It hurt, god, it hurt so much, but Leo pushed through. He had to. He’d be seeing his brother – his family – again soon enough anyway.

Just one thing left to do. He put his hand on Casey’s shoulder and smiled, the closest he’d gotten to a genuine smile in he didn’t know how long.

“Casey, when you’re done saving the world, do me a favor.”

And with all his strength, he flung his student at the portal.

“Grab a slice!”

The Krang beasts attacked, and he fought them off, keeping them away from Casey. Fitting, that his last act in the apocalypse he’d caused would be to protect the one person who could undo it. 

He glanced back one more time, to see that the portal was sucking the kid in. He’d done it, they had done it. It was all up to Casey now. 

And then the laser fired. 

He knew without a doubt he wasn’t going to make it out of the way in time. But that was okay. He’d done what he was supposed to, and there was nothing left for him in this timeline. He just wished Casey wouldn’t have to see it.

It didn’t hurt, at least. In the instant he had before being obliterated, he was grateful for that. 

And Leo closed his eyes –

– and Donnie opens his eyes.

He can’t breathe. He can’t breathe. He falls out of bed, nauseous, and barely makes it to the trash can before he’s sick. He doesn’t give himself a chance to recover – he doesn’t have time – wiping his mouth on the back of his hand to get rid of the worst of it as he stumbles out the door. It’s absolutely disgusting, but for once that’s the last thing on his mind.

… Okay, maybe not the last, but at least not the first. 

He doesn't bother checking Leo's room, knowing his brother won't be there anyway, and skips straight to Mikey's room. He makes it there just a few seconds after Leo does, and pulls his brother into a tight, nearly crushing hug before moving to check on the youngest, keeping hold of Leo’s hand.

When they peek in, the room’s empty.

They turn to each other, share a panicked, horrified glance, and then there’s a crash from the kitchen. The two of them nearly trip over each other in their rush to get there. When they do, still hand in hand, Mikey's there. Because of course he is. He’s standing over a pan on the floor, bottom lip trembling and a pale liquid everywhere. Milk, Donnie thinks. Hopefully.

What it is doesn’t matter, though, not as much as the fact that Mikey is here. He’s safe. He’s – well, maybe not okay, considering the fact that his hands are shaking yet again and he looks like he’s about to burst into tears, but… he’s here. 

That fact secured, Donnie finally, finally has time to actually… process that nightmare. Process the implications. And from the looks of things, Leo’s coming to the same conclusion.

They’d known it was dangerous. When Casey found out how exactly they got Leo back, he’d freaked out, told Mikey to never do that again. They’d asked him to elaborate, of course, but he’d refused after a glance at Leo. Donnie hadn’t understood why at the time, but… he thinks he does now. Especially looking at Leo, seeing the horror and guilt written all over his face as he stares at their baby brother. 

Donnie knows Leo already feels guilty. The slider hates that Mikey can’t do art like he used to, can’t cook like he used to, and already blames himself for that fact. But now, knowing what it could have cost… 

Donnie finally lets Leo's hand go, only to pull him into a side hug before his thoughts can spiral any further. Pats him on the shell, briefly. A reminder that it didn’t happen that way. Mikey’s here. He’s safe. He might not be okay right now, but he’s here. 

Leo gives a tiny nod. He’s got the message. 

That settled (for now at least), the two of them turn their attention to Mikey. 

"Mike?" Leo says quietly, and Mikey jerks his head up to meet Leo's eyes. "You okay?"

“M’sorry,” Mikey says, which doesn’t answer the question. Not directly, at least. Indirectly, it’s as close to a ‘no’ as they can get. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Leo pulls away from Donnie and makes his way over to Mikey to hug him instead, and Donnie’s left unsure what to do with his hands. He ends up wrapping his arms around himself, trying to stave off the chill Leo left behind. 

It doesn’t work. Leo’s not there to ground him anymore, and Donnie can’t stop seeing the nightmare. Mikey exploding into beautiful, golden light. Leo being destroyed by the Krang laser. Nothing left of either of them, nobody left to mourn them. 

They’re both right here. He knows that, okay, he does. But they’re too far away. It’s like he’s looking at them, hearing them, from underwater, the older versions of them overlaid like a projector. He can’t reach them in time. They’re going to die again. Bile rises up in his throat once again, joining the taste that still remains from before. 

Someone takes one of his hands, then the other, and he tries to jerk away on instinct. The person doesn’t let go, though. After what feels like hours but is probably more like seconds, a familiar voice starts to break through the static, forming words he recognizes.

They’re saying his name, and with that realization, Donnie’s brought back down to earth.

Slowly, the world comes back into focus. Leo’s the one holding his hands, face scrunched up in worry, and Mikey’s right beside him. They’re here. They’re safe. They’re okay. 

And fuck, his arms hurt. He looks down and – oh. That’s why Leo had pulled his hands away. He’d been digging his fingers into his arms hard, not quite enough to draw blood, but enough to leave marks. 

“... Sorry,” he says, voice shaky. Leo shakes his head and squeezes his hands gently. 

“Nothing to be sorry for. I…” He looks away briefly, then back at Donnie. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t think, I – I’m just. Sorry. I shouldn’t have left.”

Oh. 

Donnie shakes his head a bit, partly to indicate his disagreement, and partly to try and clear it. “It’s – it’s okay. Not your fault, I. It just – I shouldn’t have… let it get to me that much.”

Leo doesn’t say anything in response, but he does give Donnie a Look, and Donnie knows he’s thinking of two dreams ago. The one about Donnie’s death. The one Leo’d nearly broken his door down over. Donnie can almost hear what Leo would be saying, if he said anything. 

Should I have ‘not let it get to me that much’? Was I overreacting? No? Then why wouldn’t it be the same for you?

And… yeah, that’s fair. Donnie just… well. He’s a bit of a hypocrite. He has an image to maintain, after all. 

“What… what happened?” That’s Mikey. He sounds confused. Which… also fair. Donnie hasn’t exactly talked to anyone else about this shared dream thing, and he doubts Leo has either. It’s probably weird, but… part of him doesn’t want to tell other people. And not because he doesn’t particularly like talking about emotional stuff in general – or, well, not just because of that. No, he kind of wants this to just… be theirs. It’s hard to put into words, and he’d never say it out loud even if he could figure out how to, but judging by the look on Leo’s face, he doesn’t need to.

“Nightmare,” he says instead, easily. It’s not a lie, just not the whole truth. “It’s… I don’t really. Want to talk about it.”

Mikey’s face softens, and he bumps up against Donnie’s side. "Well, whatever it was about, we're here for you. Right, Leo?"

Leo nods, and bizarrely, Donnie's hit with a stab of guilt out of nowhere. Shouldn't he be the one saying that? It was Leo's nightmare originally, Donnie was just… along for the ride. 

Leo gives him another Look, like he can tell what Donnie's thinking. Hell, who knows, maybe he does. Not that Donnie buys into the twin telepathy thing, of course, but it's possible there's some residual effects of the mind meld. And honestly, Leo knows Donnie well enough that he could probably take a fairly accurate guess even without that. 

And Donnie knows Leo well enough to know that there’s no point in arguing.

They stand there silently, Mikey still leaning against his side, Leo still holding his hands, for several minutes. Until Donnie feels okay, until he feels like he won’t panic if his brothers aren’t within reach again. Then, he squeezes Leo’s hands with a small smile. Leo understands, and lets go after a small squeeze in return. Mikey takes a step back, too, though both of them stay close, and Donnie’s grateful for that.

It’s another few minutes before Leo clears his throat and speaks.

“Hey, so, uh. Not to ruin the mood, but. Do… do I want to know what that was on your hand?”

Oh, eugh, he forgot about that. His face contorts into an expression of disgust, and he pulls away immediately to go wash his hands.

“... I’m gonna take that as a no.”

Chapter Text

Leo would never admit it out loud, but he’s worried about Donnie.

The softshell has been… jumpy lately. More so than usual. That alone wouldn’t be too odd – actually, par for the course for a sleep-deprived, hopped up on coffee Donnie – except for the fact that he’s been almost clingy too. Usually when Donnie’s running low on sleep he avoids all of them unless absolutely necessary, but now… now, he’s practically avoiding his lab. Except for the few times Leo’s gone back there with him to watch him work, he's pretty sure Donnie hasn’t been to his lab at all for longer than five minutes at a time. Instead, he hangs out in the living room, tinkering with whatever his latest project is. Even when the others are at their noisiest and Leo can tell he’s getting overstimulated, he doesn’t leave.

Leo’s made it a habit to keep a spare pair of noise canceling headphones on him for when that happens, and Donnie clearly appreciates it, but that doesn’t solve the root of the problem. 

He’s way more touchy than usual, too. Contrary to what some might say, Donnie doesn’t hate physical touch, at least not all the time. He just likes it to be on his terms. He can actually be pretty physically affectionate, given the right circumstances. But this… this goes beyond that. He’ll seek one of them out for hugs, or flop on top of them when they’re watching Jupiter Jim reruns instead of sitting in his beanbag like he usually does, or take their hands like he’s trying to reassure himself they’re still there. It’s constant.

And Leo thinks he has a good idea of why. 

It’s the dreams. It has to be. They affected Leo pretty badly too – he won’t deny he’s also been a bit clingier than usual – but they were his dreams, and they should’ve stayed that way. He can’t help but feel guilty that Donnie keeps getting dragged into them.

Thankfully, though Leo’s had a few nightmares of his own since then, it doesn’t seem like any of them have been shared ones. That said, he feels like he’s walking on eggshells waiting for the next one. He’s almost as jumpy as Donnie, at this point. 

Leo barely sleeps anymore. And it shows. All three of his brothers, and April, and Dad, have all noticed how tired he looks and expressed their concern. That just makes him feel more guilty – he's not the one they should be worried about. 

It comes to a head a month after the last shared dream (well, a month, two weeks, and five days, but who's counting?) when all five of them corner him at Hueso's. He's trapped in between Raph and Mikey, he has nowhere to run and they know it. It's cheating, really. 

They deliver their ultimatum: sleep at least twenty four hours total over the next week, or lose TV privileges for a year. Which, holy shit, overkill much? 

He tries to pull the insomnia card, but none of them are having it. He tells them the punishment is way too over the top, but they don't budge. He shoots Donnie a desperate look, one that clearly says hey, you're supposed to be on my side on this, help me out here – but the softshell is pointedly avoiding his eyes. 

He really can't win this one, huh? 

Whatever. He agrees; he doesn’t have much choice. With TV privileges on the line, even if he was willing to give those up… willingly accepting that big of a loss would just worry everyone even more. And that’s the last thing he wants. 

Maybe he can just… get it all out of the way at once? No, that’d probably also worry them even more, but. Twelve hours each over two days? Yeah, that might be doable. 

So that night, for (almost) the first time since the last shared dream, he gets into bed at the same time as everyone else, tossing and turning until he finally drifts off.

He’d never felt so alive. And yeah, sure, that probably wasn’t great, there were bigger things to focus on than the absolute rush he got building a weapon, putting it to use, and breaking it down again only to create something new seconds later. There were better things to focus on than how incredible it felt free-falling through the sky and shooting back up again, working together with his brothers in mid-air like circus performers amped up to eleven thousand. They were trying to save the world! And obviously that was more important, but the past 24 hours had been a nightmare in every way imaginable, so sue him for taking some enjoyment where he could.

Leo teleporting them back and forth quick as a blink. Raph using his projection’s ninpo-enhanced strength to send the Krang leader flying back. Mikey launching a – was that a fucking building-? – at him, and Donnie using his mystic tech to fill in wherever he was needed. They worked like a well-oiled machine, and as they came together for one final attack, yelling their battle cry at the top of their lungs, Donnie was sure there was nothing that could stop them.

God, he was such a fool.

The mech’s head shot up at the last instant and it raised a hand, flicking their attack – and them – away like nothing but a pesky bug. The four of them were knocked back into the debris. Donnie didn’t have time to be grateful that at least they all landed relatively close to each other because the mech was in front of him before he could blink, winding up a punch that smashed through his still-forming mystic shield and sent him and Mikey flying. 

Donnie took the brunt of the attack. He was grateful for that because it meant Mikey wouldn’t get hurt as badly, but it also left him barely conscious, destroying any chance that Donnie would be able to create something that would break their fall. Not in time, at least.

And then the familiar warmth of his big brother’s arms wrapped around him. Leo must have portaled the both of them there, he realized. He’d have to thank him once they made it to safety, though he was still going to wrap it in snark. He had a reputation to keep up, after all.

The landing hurt, but not nearly as much as it would have without Raph shielding them. It took Donnie a couple of moments to recover, but he almost wished he hadn’t once Raph pointed out where they were. Staten Island. Gross.

With the knowledge that they'd made it to (relative) safety, the adrenaline that had been keeping him going this whole time drained away, and he collapsed after a sarcastic request for everyone to rate Raph’s rescue. Ow. God, everything hurt, and they still weren’t done. Once Leo portaled the four of them back –

“Donnie… Leo’s still up there.”

What…? 

No, that couldn’t be right. Leo had been with Raph when he’d caught them, he must have been. He wouldn’t be stupid enough to try and fight Krang Prime by himself, would he?

Rhetorical question. This was Leo they were talking about. 

Donnie turned to stare up into the sky, where they’d been just a few moments ago. Where Leo, apparently, still was. 

He’d portal them back up, right? Once he knew they were okay? They just had to tell him. Before Donnie could so much as lift a finger, though, the comms lit up on their own.

“Casey – Casey, come in.”

Oh, thank god, the idiot was still alive. Now it’d just be as simple as getting him to make them a portal, and… well, they could figure the rest out from there, he was sure.

But once again, someone else spoke before he could.

“Sensei, I’m here! And I’ve got eyes on the key! Just tell me when you’re home free, and I’ll pull the plug!”

There was no response, and Donnie knew instantly that something was very, very wrong. The feeling only got worse the longer the silence went on, until finally, after what felt like hours, the comms crackled to life again. 

Donnie never put much stock in the whole 'twin telepathy' thing. Even now, he'd still deny it til he died. It made no sense, it was completely unscientific. 

But there was no other explanation for why he knew, before Leo even spoke, what he was going to say. 

“Casey, listen to me. When I get to the other side, you close that door.”

No. 

“What-? Sensei, NO!”

God, please, no.

“Casey, it’s the only way. He’s too strong. He’s not gonna stay on the other side unless I keep him there.”

This couldn’t be happening.

“There has to be another way!”

Not now, not after they’d been so close to winning.

“We tried everything, Case, this is the only way.”

Please, not Leo.

“Leo, please don’t do this-! LEO!”

Not his twin.

“Heh… you’re one to talk, big bro. Hero moves are totally your style.”

Donnie couldn’t breathe, the others’ voices fading to static in the background. That idiot, of course – of course he was joking around when – when –

The comms were still active, which meant Donnie got to hear every blow, every pained groan, every horrifying CRACK of what he desperately hoped wasn’t Leo’s shell. 

“Leo, please! I can’t lose you again!”

None of them could.

“Hey. Future me would be real proud of you. I’m proud of you.”

Don't talk like that. Don't talk like those are your last words. 

Donnie heard the unmistakable voice of Krang Prime – though he couldn’t make out the words – and flinched instinctively. 

“What you fail to understand is, I missed on purpose.” 

Then, a sound he’d know anywhere, the sound of one of Leo’s swords charging up. Followed by the sound of him teleporting to the other one, and paired with a flash of blue from above. 

“Casey – close the portal now!” 

No, no, NO. 

Krang Prime’s voice again. The sound of metal hitting flesh. And Leo, grunting in pain, his voice desperate in a way Donnie wasn’t sure he’d ever heard before. 

“Casey, PLEASE.”

And then –

A crackle of purple light, shooting upwards into the sky.

A shockwave, emanating from the Technodrome.

The portal, shrinking slowly, then faster and faster until it tightened around the Technodrome. Straining against the obstacle. Breaking the resistance. Cutting through it like butter.

And the portal closed.

And the world fell apart.

Debris was raining from the sky, and Donnie didn’t care.

Raph was falling to his knees, a scream ripping itself from his throat, and Donnie didn’t care.

Mikey was biting back sobs, facing the carnage, fists clenched in a way that Donnie knew meant he was about to do something incredibly stupid, and Donnie.

Didn’t.

Care.

He didn’t care about any of it. He didn’t care about anything at all. Everything was numb, like someone had reached into his chest and carved out his heart - hell, they might as well have - leaving him with nothing.

He lifted a hand to his face. It came away wet. 

Oh.

He was crying. 

That… that couldn't be right, though. If he was crying, that would mean this was real. That Leo was really gone. It would mean there was something to cry over, but there wasn't, because any minute now there'd be a blue portal carved into the empty space in front of Donnie, and his stupid, idiotic, dumdum, moron of a twin brother would step out, and Donnie could fucking throttle him for scaring them like that. 

Nothing.

Nothing happened.

Nothing changed.

Nothing appeared.

There was just… nothing. 

And no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the facts didn’t change.

Leo was gone.

Leo wakes up feeling like the air’s been stolen from his lungs. He moves without thinking; slowly, in a near-perfect mirror of the dream, he lifts a hand to his face. It comes away wet. 

Oh. 

He's crying. 

That was – that was a lot. A lot to process, a lot to experience, and he’s – fuck, if it was a lot for him, then it must’ve been a thousand times worse for Donnie.

Donnie, who Leo would’ve expected to show up by now. Donnie, who’s nowhere to be seen, even after several minutes of waiting.

… He needs to find his brother. 

Donnie's huddled up in his bed when Leo makes it to his room, staring at his hands in his lap. There's tear streaks on his face, tears still rolling down his cheeks, but he doesn't move to wipe them away – not until he realizes Leo is there, that is. He startles, then, and brings his hands up to scrub at his face. Like Leo somehow wouldn't have noticed. 

The tears don't stop, but Donnie manages to get most of them, and then he looks up and meets Leo's eyes. 

"... You saw it." It's not a question. 

And the look on Donnie’s face – like he's scared Leo will laugh at him, or make a joke out of his pain – absolutely guts him. 

Leo knows he's made one (or two, or three, or –) too many jokes at times when he shouldn't, about situations he shouldn't. They just slip out sometimes when he opens his big mouth, before he can stop himself. He knows it's not okay, he's been trying to do better since the invasion, honest. 

But even then, he knows there's a line, and he knows where it is, and no matter how impulsive he can be, he knows not to cross it. 

Does Donnie really think Leo would mock him for caring? For crying? After how many nightmares where Leo – where both of them, really – ended up in tears? 

He'd never. He couldn't be that cruel. Try to lighten the mood, sure, but not at the expense of his brother's feelings and trust. 

He goes with something else instead (as if he would've even thought of anything else before Donnie looked at him with those wide, stricken eyes). 

"... So you do consider us twins." 

His voice is shakier than he'd like it to be, but there's a half-smile on Donnie’s face and the tension is fading from his body, so Leo will take it. 

"That's what you took away from –" Donnie waves a hand. "That whole situation?" 

Leo grins back, relieved. "S'the most important part. Obviously." He pauses, and his expression turns a bit more serious. "Are… are you okay?"

Just like that, Donnie tenses up again. Good going, Leo. It's… in sort of a different way, though, and not quite as bad as it was before. 

"I… not right now. But I will be." Leo's so, so grateful for the honesty. "... I'm sorry, Nardo."

Wait. What?

"Wh – why are you sorry-?"

Donnie raises an eyebrow at him. "I dragged you into my dream? Made you see – all – all that? Ring any bells?"

Oh, he cannot be serious. Like hell is Leo having this. "Uh, yeah, like how I dragged you into my dreams, let's see –" He makes a show of counting on his fingers. "One, two, three, aaaand four times? Like how I made you see –” He waves a hand. “All that? You mean those bells?” 

“I – that’s different. It’s… you – you need the sleep, Leo.”

“Like this isn’t the exact reason I’ve been avoiding sleeping in the first place.” Leo knows as soon as the words leave his mouth, as soon as he sees the look on Donnie’s face, that he shouldn’t have phrased it like that. He winces and rushes to correct himself. “Not like – not like that! I –” He sighs. Looks away. “... I didn’t want you to… to have to deal with another one of. Of my nightmares.”

Donnie’s expression softens the slightest bit. “That’s not your fault, you know that, right? You didn’t ask to have those nightmares either. You didn’t ask to, how did you put it, ‘have your dead future self’s memories beamed into your head as dreams’ any more than I did.”

“Then this isn’t your fault either.”

Donnie makes a face. Ha. Got em. 

That dealt with, Leo moves to address the elephant in the room. “I’m sorry, too. Not for – not for the nightmares, this time, but. That.” He doesn't need to specify what he means. "I – I didn't think."

"You never do," Donnie mutters. Tried and true. He’s smiling though, small but genuine, and he pats the bed next to him. Leo doesn’t hesitate to climb in and get comfortable, looking to his brother to check that it’s okay before throwing an arm around him. He can feel the remaining tension in Donnie’s shoulders drain away, and the softshell slides an arm around him in return. 

“I mean it. I’m really… really sorry, Dee. I wasn’t – there wasn’t… any other way, and I don’t regret doing it now that it's all over, but. I do regret hurting you guys. More than anything. I didn’t… I dunno. I just didn't want it to be any of you. I couldn't take that."

Donnie shoves him gently. "And what made you think we'd be okay with it being you? Dumdum."

Leo doesn't meet Donnie's eyes. It's not that he'd thought the others would be okay with it being him, just… that it would hurt them less in the long run. 

That’s not something he’d ever say out loud, but from the look in Donnie’s eyes, he already knows. 

“You’re an idiot, y’know that?”

Leo snorts. There’s no humor in it. “How could I forget it when I have you reminding me all the time?”

Another light shove. “Not like that. I mean, yes, like that too, but. God, Leo, it – losing you –”

Leo turns to him in concern. This really isn’t Donnie’s thing, he knows that, and he doesn’t want the softshell forcing himself through a conversation he’s uncomfortable with, just for Leo’s sake. “Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to –”

“I want to.” Donnie glares at him, then looks away. “I – I think… I need to.”

“... Okay. Just – don’t push yourself.”

Donnie nods. It’s a minute or so before he speaks again, his voice small and vulnerable in a way it never is. “Losing you… it broke us, Leo. All of us. I mean, you saw – you saw what happened on our end, most of it at least. You felt everything I was feeling. Even if I wanted to pretend like I didn’t care or downplay how much it hurt – which I don’t, by the way – I couldn’t.

You’re our brother, Leo. Before your value to the team, before anything else, you’re our brother. And we’d all be lost without you. So don’t you dare say or – or think – you’re not as important to this family as any of us, because it’s just not true.”

If anyone asks if Leo’s crying, he’s totally not.

… Okay, maybe a little bit. 

“Can I hug you?” he asks hesitantly. Donnie nods, and Leo wastes no time wrapping his free arm around his brother too. He squeezes his eyes tight shut and grips onto Donnie like a lifeline, and it’s not long before the softshell reciprocates.

Donnie didn’t mention Leo’s definitely-not-crying, so Leo will return the favor and not bring up the way Donnie’s breath hitches, shakes, like part of him had expected Leo to disappear in his arms. Instead, he just holds his brother tighter. 

“I’m here,” he says, echoing the reassurances Donnie had given him after previous dreams. “I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a sniffle. Leo doesn’t mention that either. “You better not.”

They stay there for… a while, Leo doesn’t bother keeping track of how long exactly. Aside from Leo’s reassurances and Donnie’s muffled crying, it’s silent. 

“We can’t keep doing this,” Leo says suddenly. It’s a surprise even to him, and Donnie tenses up in his arms. “The – the nightmares, I mean. Look at us. We… I’ve barely slept, I made you guys worry over me, and don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve been acting lately.”

“Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh.” Leo rolls his eyes, then pauses. The beginnings of a plan – if you could call it that – are coming together in his mind, but… he feels like Donnie will just laugh if he brings it up.

“Whatever it is, just say it.” Donnie’s voice is muffled against Leo’s shoulder, and Leo can’t help but laugh nervously.

“It’s – it’s stupid.”

He feels Donnie take a breath to say something, probably about how everything Leo says is stupid, but the softshell hesitates at the last second before exhaling again. Leo gives him a little squeeze to let him know he’s grateful for that.

“I can’t tell you if it’s stupid or not if you don’t say it," he says instead. "Whatever it is, though, I won’t laugh. Even if it is stupid. Promise.”

“Mm.” Leo bites his lip, trying to figure out how to phrase it that doesn’t make it sound incredibly childish. “I… y’know how, um. How we – or. I guess mostly me. Used to get nightmares a lot. And – and they’d stop when we’d share a bed or, or turtle pile?”

Donnie nods slowly, and Leo can pinpoint the moment when he figures out what Leo’s asking. And then he doesn’t say anything. And he keeps not saying anything, and Leo’s nerves keep getting worse until he decides this was a horrible idea, actually, and moves to get up.

“Sorry, I know it’s a stupid idea, we’re not kids anymore, we –”

He’s stopped by a hand around his arm. “Wait.”

He waits. For another couple of minutes, actually, and he’s about to try and leave again when –

“It’s… it’s not a stupid idea. It – and I’d tell you if I thought it was, you know I would. But. It’s not. It’s… worth a try. But we’re using your room. I need to be able to leave if it’s a bad touch day or I get overwhelmed.”

Leo’s… kind of amazed Donnie actually agreed, to be honest, but he nods quickly. That’s a small condition to agree to, and honestly he probably would’ve suggested it anyway if Donnie hadn’t.

“Okay.” Donnie lets out a breath and nods decisively. “Okay.”

And then he tugs on Leo’s arm, pulling him back next to him again. “Let’s just – stay here for tonight, though.”

That’s more than fine with Leo, and he gets comfortable once again, snuggling up to his brother and throwing an arm over him. He already feels leagues better with just the hope that this could finally end the nightmares and allow the both of them some much needed rest.

Sure, it’s possible it won’t do any good. Still, even if it’s a bust, at least they’ll be right there to comfort each other as soon as they wake up, so. Win/win.

But honestly, Leo kind of has a gut feeling it’ll work.

“... That drill attack was kickass, by the way. Don’t think I ever said.”

“‘M telling Raph you swore.”

Leo laughs. “No you won’t.”

“No, I won’t,” Donnie agrees.