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The Sound Of A Very Angry Immortal Husband:

Summary:

On his way to buy flowers for date night, Joe gets kidnapped.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

When the hood was pulled off Joe's head it took him a moment to adjust to the light. Then he looked around the room. He could tell he was being held prisoner on the second floor in a building that had seen better days, and he was looking at a window that was covered in plastic. He was sitting on a chair, tied up with zip ties. Finally, he noticed the sound of two men shouting at each other in Arabic.

 

"Sorry?" Joe asked as he looked over his shoulder at the men. "Did you say I was from Marroco?"

 

The men ignored Joe and continued shouting at each other.

 

"Let me clear up the misunderstanding about where I'm from," Joe said. "I'm from Tunis."

 

One of the men walked over to Joe and held up a photo.

 

"You got the wrong guy, Lateef," He said after looking at Joe and the person in the photo.

"Don't blame me, Mahir. I followed the order you gave me," Lateef replied. "Curly hair, wearing a cap backwards, sunglasses, tank top, shorts, and flip flops. He was the only one on the street matching the description."

"Then explain to me how come he is older than the target," Mahir demanded to know. "I gave you one job. And one job only."

"Let me see the photo," Lateef said as he walked over and took the photo and looked at Joe.

"I have always been told I'm a great beauty," Joe joked. That comment resulted in a slap from Mahir.

 

Lateef groaned.

 

"How was I to know there was another one looking like the other one?" Lateef wanted to know.

"About the kidnapping," Joe said. "It was clearly your first time doing it, so may I give you some very good advice?"

"SHUT UP OR ELSE WE'LL SHOOT YOU!" Both Lateef and Mahir shouted.

 

Lateef punched Joe in the face.

 

"Someone is a bit touchy tonight," Joe said before spitting the blood out.

 

Before Lateef could punch Joe again Mahir pulled Lateef a bit away before they started shouting at each other again. While they shouted at each other, Joe noticed a red dot on the floor.

 

"Guys," Joe said. "About that good advice. Are you sure you don't want it? Your life may depend on it."

 

Mahir and Lateef looked at each other.

 

"Ok, you can give your advice," Lateef said as he drew his gun and pointed it at Joe. "And then I'll shoot you."

"Still a bit touchy," Joe said which made Lateef shoot down on the floor before he reloaded the gun and pointed it at Joe again. "If you're going to kidnap someone in the future make sure they don't have an angry husband."

 

Mahir and Lateef looked at each other once again.

 

"And let me tell you why the husband is angry," Joe said. "Date night was cancelled, something the husband isn't too happy about."

"Shoot him," Mahir ordered.

 

Lateef pointed his gun at Joe again but before Lateef could shoot Joe, the sound of another gun being fired somewhere else in the building could be heard.

 

"What the hell is that?" Mahir wanted to know as he looked at Lateef.

"Oh, that's the sound of a very angry husband," Joe said. "He happens to be the world's best shooter and rarely misses his target."

 

The sounds of footsteps getting nearer made both Mahir and Lateef point their guns at the door. The moment Nicky stepped through the door, he shooted Mahir and Lateef in their knees and hands.

 

"Hi Babe," Joe said as he looked over his shoulder at Nicky.

"Don't Babe me," Nicky replied irritated. "You're late for date night."

"It wasn't my idea to get kidnapped for once," Joe replied. "It was those two idiots."

 

Nicky looked at Mahir then Lateef and finally Joe.

 

"Explain," Nicky said.

"Apparently I look like a guy from Marocco. The photo is there," Joe replied as he looked down at the floor before at Nicky. "Could I get some help with getting loose?"

"You were late for date night," Nicky replied. "You can free yourself."

 

Nicky picked up the photo and he had to admit, Joe did look like the guy in the photo.

 

"Why do you want to kidnap a kid from Marroco?" Nicky wanted to know. "The first one who answers me gets to see a doctor, the other one will die a slow death."

 

It took a moment before Lateef said anything.

 

"His father is one of the richest men in Marroco," Lateef replied.

 

Nicky looked over at Joe who was struggling with getting loose from the zip ties.

 

"One of the richest men," Nicky said. "Wasn't your father the richest man in Tunis at one point, Yusuf?"

"He was yes. He even owed an entire street for all the wives, sons, and daughters he had," Joe replied as he let out a frustrated groan. "Do you mind helping me?"

"No, you were late for date night," Nicky replied before he looked down at Mahir and Lateef again. "One more question: do you have other men tailing the kid?"

"Four men," Lateef replied. "They left ten minutes ago."

 

Nicky took a firm grip on Lateef's collar and dragged a screaming Lateef out of the room.


The next morning after Joe has told Nile about yesterday's event:

 

"You prevented a kidnapping by getting kidnapped?" Nile asked.

"That's one way to put it," Joe replied before adding sugar to his coffee.

"Told you that the outfit was an invitation to trouble," Nile said. "Why can't you dress as a normal person for date night?"

"Because Nicky is a big fan of my curls, pecs, arms, and legs," Joe replied with a smirk. "And what my man likes he gets."

"Too much information this early in the morning," Nile replied as she rolled her eyes. "But please tell me you did prevent the kidnapping of the young man."

"Nicky more than me," Joe replied. "It took me ages to get loose from those zip ties."

 

Nile laughed.

 

"Only because you counted on Nicky would change his mind and come back and help you," Nile smirked. "Damsel in distress."

"Very funny," Joe replied. "I don't know what they made the zip ties out of."

 

Nile laughed again.

 

"And the kidnappers?" Nile wanted to know.

"Copley dumped them all in a hole somewhere in the world," Joe replied. "It will take them a long time to crawl up from there."

"And your date night?" Nile wanted to know.

"It was almost dawn when we were done," Joe replied. "We'll try again tonight."

"Why do I have a feeling that it has happened to you before? Nile asked. "You plan a date night and something weird happens."

"A kidnapping isn't the weirdest that has happened on date night," Joe replied. "There was the one time when we had to save an alligator."

"Seriously? An alligator," Nile replied and looked at Nicky who entered the kitchen. "You're kidding, right? Nicky, tell me he is kidding about the alligator."

 

Nicky poured coffee into a cup.

 

"I wish he was," Nicky replied. "The only fun thing about that story was the look on Booker's face when he found the alligator in the tub."

"Or the scream that came from him," Joe chuckled. "It almost sounded like a woman who had seen a mouse."

 

Nile stared at both Joe and Nicky, trying to figure out if they were lying.

 

"Please tell me that story," Nile begged.

"Why not," Joe replied. "It all started back in 1934..."

"1935," Nicky corrected. "1934 was when we got caught in that mudslide."

"Oh, yes," Joe replied. "That was a fun date."

"One story at a time," Nile said. "So, it was 1935. What happened next?"

Notes:

Do you want to hear the story about the alligator or what about the mudslide?

 

You can also find me on: nkp1981.tumblr.com

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