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It had been six years since Cheryl Blossom had shared dialogue with Veronica Lodge, so she wasn’t too sure how she ended up outside of her ritzy Manhattan penthouse as an invited guest to Veronica’s grand wedding with a wealthy businessman that Cheryl had never even met before. If she was invited to the wedding, she could only imagine what other ghosts from high school’s past that she’d be forced to politely small talk until it was finally time to part ways again.
“C!” Veronica beamed when the door opened, as if she had ever used that preposterous letter nickname for her in the three years they went to school together. Cheryl stood wide-eyed, without a word for longer than she’d intended, but was quickly pulled in for an over-the-top embrace from Veronica. “You look gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. It’s so good to see you.”
“Of course,” Cheryl forced a smile. “Wouldn’t want to miss such a monumental occasion, now would I?”
“Well, I am thrilled that you found time to make it with your busy lawyer schedule,” Veronica said, opening the door wider behind her.
“I actually have one more year of law school,” Cheryl corrected, though Veronica clearly wasn’t listening as she waved back to a large group of friends sitting in her living room.
“Come in, come in!” she exclaimed. “Let me know if you want anything to drink. The girls and I popped open a bottle of champagne, if you’d like a glass.”
“The girls and me,” she heard Kevin Keller correct from the couch, where he was nestled in comfortably between two of Veronica’s other friends. “Hi, Cheryl.”
The ghosts had already started making their return, giving her choruses of polite greetings as she stepped closer to the couch to join them.
Kevin Keller, check. Betty Cooper, check. Josie McCoy, check. Valerie Brown, check. Melody Valentine, check.
But she couldn’t stop anxiously scratching her index finger with her thumb as she went down the checklist searching for one name in particular. One name that she was sure would be here— and was the one that she was dreading the most. The anticipation was probably worse than the real thing because she couldn’t even focus, her mind begging her eyes to keep checking the door over and over again because the dreaded name would probably show up any second.
“I know some of you are tired from your flights, but I’m going to need you to find your energy for the first event of the Gekko-Lodge union,” Veronica stood in front of the table. “The bachelorette party!”
Cheryl had to fight the urge to groan.
She was normally a sucker for chaos, but the last thing she wanted was to consume copious amounts of alcohol around her high school friends. Especially when she felt like she didn’t have a place with them anymore.
“You’re glowing, Cheryl,” Josie suddenly turned to her. “Law school’s doing you well.”
Cheryl smiled warmly. If she was happy to see anyone, it was certainly Josie McCoy, even if it was a punch to the gut to see how close she had become with Veronica since the two of them were both living in New York.
“I could say the same about you,” she returned brightly. “Very much looking forward to your album’s release. I’ll be the first in line to buy it.”
Josie chuckled, waving her off humbly.
“How have you been holding up?” Josie asked.
“I’m doing well,” Cheryl replied, and for the first time in a long while, she truly meant that. She took a pause, surveying the room away from Josie again. “It’s strange to see everyone again.”
“Not if you’re seeing them everyday like I am,” Josie chuckled. “You ever think you’d join us out here? I’m sure there are a lot of big law firms.”
“Perhaps. Let’s hope I finish my final year with no issues– fingers crossed,” Cheryl said lightheartedly.
Cheryl pondered what life would be like in a big city after graduation, but she only got a short moment before her head snapped at the sound of the door clicking open. She’d almost stopped thinking about her for a minute, and then…
“Toni!” Veronica exclaimed, jumping up from her seat to greet her.
They hugged comfortably, like they had done it a million times before, and Cheryl wondered when they got so close. They were always distant friends.
But Toni still looked good– too good for Cheryl’s liking. She looked different than she did years ago, missing her signature pink hair. But Cheryl still couldn’t stop looking. She hated that she couldn’t stop looking at Toni’s black miniskirt and champagne-colored sequined tank top, a perfect choice for going out. Cheryl was positive that the entire club would have their eyes glued to her.
“Sorry about being late. I got stuck at a work thing for longer than expected,” Toni apologized, taking a seat next to Kevin on the couch.
Cheryl’s eyes finally met Toni’s from across the room. She felt her heart aching, quickly forcing her eyes down to the floor. Toni had looked stunned, almost with a glint of guilt in her eyes.
Truthfully, Cheryl didn’t want to make small talk with her. She didn’t want to hear about her new life, amazing job, or God forbid– any new boyfriend or girlfriend she was seeing. She certainly didn’t want to find out how Toni ended up in New York for work.
Or worse, why she ended up on the east coast again and didn’t bother reaching out to Cheryl even once.
“Don’t worry one bit,” Veronica smiled. “We have our full party here now, so shall we get this show on the road? The club is waiting for us.”
…
Cheryl tried her very hardest to keep herself occupied with anyone but Toni. Initially, she had been hesitant even to begin engaging with other old friends, such as Valerie and Melody, but it turned into a cakewalk when the alternative was talking to Toni, who kept looking at her with eager eyes everytime she was alone for even a second.
As if there was anything left to say between them…
“Damn, I’ll be calling you to be my lawyer if I ever have any trouble with the record label,” Melody joked, leaning back against the bar top, cocktail in hand.
Cheryl was about to respond, but instead the air was sucked back into her throat when Toni wedged in between her and Melody, even though there wasn’t an extra barstool between them. Cheryl pledged her silence by pressing her martini glass against her lips, faking a sip as her eyes involuntarily watched over Toni.
“Hey, guys,” Toni greeted casually, pushing her hair behind her shoulders while she adjusted on her feet. She glanced between Cheryl and Melody, eyes ultimately landing on Cheryl. “What’cha talking about?”
Melody could sense Cheryl’s discomfort, but her sleeve was quickly tugged at by Valerie, who seemed desperate to yank her away.
“Okay, okay… I’m going,” Melody announced, then shot the two an apologetic look. “I’ll give you guys a sec and catch up with you later.”
“Looks like it’s just you and me,” Toni observed, stirring the straw in her cocktail.
“It’s good to see you, Toni,” Cheryl greeted politely, though she still wouldn’t let her eyes return to Toni.
Toni propped herself up on the newly-empty barstool where Melody had been sitting. She shed her leather jacket, letting it rest on the bar top. Cheryl couldn’t help but look now, because it seemed like Toni was planning on staying in this spot for a while.
“Doesn’t look like you think it’s good to see me.”
Cheryl squinted, lowering her eyebrows. Did Toni really want to go there?
“I am trying to be civil, so please do not test your luck with me.”
“What? Cheryl, I was just making a joke, come on…”
“Well, I suppose I have a poor sense of humor, then.”
Toni’s face softened. “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t wanna make things worse than they are. I just… I didn’t know how to approach you. I can see that the way I chose was stupid, but… we’re both here for Veronica’s wedding. I’d like to think that we can get along until it’s over, and then…” Toni took a sharp pause, biting down on her lip. “And then, I guess you don’t have to ever see me again if you don’t want to.”
Cheryl nodded slowly, finally setting her drink down on the bar. Carelessly, she let her eyes wander to meet Toni’s, a lump growing in her throat as soon as they locked eyes.
“Perhaps I can handle this until the wedding’s over…”
A grin slipped onto Toni’s lips, like there was hope between them.
“When did you move to New York?” Cheryl suddenly asked, though she had told herself that she didn’t want those details. It was just another reminder that Toni had moved on with her life.
“Oh, uh…” Toni seemed surprised she was asking. She swirled her straw around in her drink a little more before finding the strength to look back up. “California’s cool, but I guess, after college, I missed the cold, and… there’s a really good art scene here, and…” She bit down on her lip again, realizing that she was talking way too much for such a simple question. “For work, basically. I got a job offer here doing some photojournalism for a social justice magazine. It’s pretty cool.”
Cheryl gave her a wistful smile. It was painful seeing her, but despite everything, she couldn’t help but be happy for her anyway. Toni had always loved photography and dreamed of using her skill to do something impactful— and now she was.
“I’m proud of you,” Cheryl admitted. “I know how much you wanted such a career.”
Toni smiled back, letting her elbow rest on the bar top, palm on her cheek. Her eyes remained on Cheryl almost intensely.
“How about you?” she asked. “Heard you’re finishing up law school. That’s… insane.”
Cheryl nodded, “One year left.”
“So, what’s after that?” she asked. “You’re gonna become a big shot lawyer?”
“If I pass the Bar.”
“Have you ever even failed a test in your life?” Toni chuckled.
“Sounds as if you’re cursing the Bar to be my first failure,” Cheryl joked, half a smile— a normal smile— growing on her lips.
Toni returned the laugh. As it simmered down, she sank her teeth into her bottom lip, the intensity from before resurfacing. She always looked like she had something more to say, but couldn’t quite get it out. Cheryl didn’t want her to find the courage to say it, because she was sure that it was some regretful apology speech about how things went down between them.
After all this time, Cheryl still wasn’t sure that she was ready to relive their breakup. If they talked about it, she’d be sent right back to where she was six years ago, wallowing in her bedroom about how much she missed Toni.
“You, uh… ever thought about moving to New York after you finish law school? And… pass the Bar, of course.”
“Josie’s already attempted to convince me to move all night.”
Toni raised her eyebrows. “Oh, really? And you don’t want to?”
“I’m… not quite sure if living here seems right for me anymore.”
Well, at least now that she knew that Toni lived here…
Truthfully, she had always seen herself practicing law in New York. It was her initial plan when she went to college– it was where she and Toni had planned on moving when they finished their studies, too.
“Oh,” Toni nodded, eyes hinting at her disappointment.
Cheryl was saved by Veronica, who came rushing over to the bar with a bottle of Dom Pérignon in her hand. Pointing to the bottle, she declared, “You two aren’t nearly drunk enough and we’re already an hour in. Drink up!” She practically shoved the bottle into Cheryl’s hands. “Oh, and you guys better be joining us on the dance floor right now.”
Cheryl tried not to roll her eyes because Veronica was the bride and she didn’t want to sour the big bachelorette party. She poured the champagne into her martini glass and slid the bottle over to Toni, who just waterfalled the liquor into her mouth skillfully.
Veronica disappeared back to the dance floor before they could return her bottle, but clearly Toni had no issue with drinking more.
“I’m assuming you learned that from all the… fraternity parties you attended,” Cheryl commented, hoping she didn’t sound too bitter, but was sure her grudge was getting the best of her.
Toni finally set the bottle down. “I guess I got better at it. But the boys and I used to drink like that back in high school.”
Cheryl knew that was probably true, but she still couldn’t help but imagine all the crazy things Toni got into in college. She could picture all the college boys she challenged to outdrink, snatching their handles of alcohol and downing half of it before they could even blink.
“We shouldn’t delay fulfilling the bride’s request,” Cheryl declared, standing up from the bar. Not being alone with Toni was probably the best for her sanity.
…
“Woah,” Melody stumbled out of the taxi, but was quickly caught and held up by Josie and Valerie. “I haven’t had this much to drink since our first album release party.”
“You never could handle your alcohol…” Josie sighed, linking her arm with Melody’s. She turned her head around to Cheryl and Toni, who followed behind them. “It was great seeing you guys. I’m gonna hurry and get this one up to her hotel room before she throws up in the lobby, so… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
They exchanged their goodbyes. Cheryl shifted awkwardly on the balls of her feet, biting down on her lip. She didn’t know if she should split up from Toni and go to her hotel room on her own (probably the better idea) or continue walking with her.
But she waited too long, and Toni got the first move.
“I’ll walk you up to your room,” she declared.
Cheryl didn’t protest. With a few drinks in her system, she felt less tense about being around Toni. Even when Toni caught up to her, their shoulders brushing every time they took a step, and Cheryl didn’t know why the contact brought butterflies to her stomach when she was supposed to be angry with Toni.
“I didn’t see much of you once we got on the dance floor,” Toni observed.
“Well, I saw a little too much of those… monstrous-looking men shamelessly flirting with you all night.”
“Yeah, nobody worth looking at in that club,” Toni shrugged. “Well, other than you, obviously.”
Cheryl swallowed hard. Apparently, when Toni got alcohol in her system, she turned into the one who was shamelessly flirting.
“Let’s not go there, Toni.”
Toni slipped her hands into her jacket pockets, a cheeky smile on her lips. “I’m not going anywhere– I’m just stating some undeniable facts.” She glanced back up at Cheryl. “Are you, uh… seeing anyone right now?”
Cheryl’s eyes widened. “You are far too forward.”
“What? I didn’t even do anything. I’m just… asking. I’m… curious,” she shrugged. “I can go first: I’m not. I’m totally single.”
“I suppose that I can answer,” Cheryl playfully sighed. “Nothing serious is going on for me at the moment, either.”
Toni moved her head back in surprise. “Nothing serious? Don’t tell me Cheryl Blossom’s a player now. What– do you have like a hundred girls in the rotation?”
“I am not disclosing the personal details of my love life to my…” Cheryl took a hefty pause. “My ex-girlfriend.”
“Okay, okay… That’s fair,” Toni nodded, removing a hand from her pocket to push the elevator button.
Cheryl glanced over at Toni while they waited for the elevator to arrive. Unfortunately, she still found herself overjoyed by the fact that Toni wasn’t dating anybody. But she wondered what Toni wanted to do with this information that both of them were single– it was like she thought that something would happen between them just because they were both in New York for the wedding.
But Cheryl had to keep reminding herself that this was temporary and that she’d be back in school as soon as Veronica tied the knot. It was too short of a visit to get her hopes up over, and even if it was longer, how could she ever risk getting her heart shattered again?
The elevator finally rang, opening its doors. Toni motioned for Cheryl to go in first, following right behind her.
“What floor?”
“Fourth,” Cheryl replied, watching Toni as she pushed the fourth floor button.
They restrained their eyes from finding each other’s, shifting away while the elevator rose. Toni followed her out of the elevator, once again catching up until their shoulders were once again brushing and Cheryl couldn’t stop thinking about moving her hand out just an inch more, wondering what it would feel like if their fingertips grazed just for a moment.
“This is me,” she announced, internally relieved that she could put some distance between them now. She leaned back against her door, carefully eyeing Toni.
Toni stared in silence for far too long, like she was debating whether or not she should do something more– extend the night to be longer. But ultimately, she fell back on her feet, resigning and instead giving Cheryl a parting smile.
“Good night,” she said, voice so soft that suddenly, Cheryl wished that she had extended an invitation to keep talking, even if nothing more happened. “I’ve missed talking to you.”
“Good night,” Cheryl returned, breaths growing heavy as she pondered whether or not to match the second part of Toni’s goodbye. She hesitated too long, and Toni turned on her feet, starting back towards the elevator.
She did miss Toni, even if she’d never be able to say it to her.
…
After changing into plaid pajamas, Toni sank under the covers of her hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to push Cheryl out of her thoughts. All things considered, the night didn’t go as terribly as expected. But she still felt a barrier of ice between them– not that she blamed Cheryl. She couldn’t stop thinking about their breakup from years ago.
Alone in a booth at Pop’s, Toni sipped a chocolate milkshake. She stared out the window, observing a group of underclassmen from Riverdale High; they were throwing their heads back with laughter in the parking lot. It was like they had no clue about the tragedies that had taken place in this town. They were cluelessly happy, pushing each other playfully and basking in their teenage innocence.
Now, more than ever, Toni wondered if ignorance was true bliss.
She knew this dilemma was far lighter than any of the tragedies that she and her fellow seniors had gone through, but just knowing that this decision could change her entire life was daunting. She had faced an uncountable amount of hardships throughout her entire life, but somehow none of them had brought a pit to her stomach like deciding whether or not she would fly across the country for college.
And as happy as she was to have received the college acceptance with a hefty scholarship that made chasing her wildest dreams a reality, part of her still wished that she could be ignorant. Part of her wished that she had never even found out that she had gotten off the waitlist to UCLA– that the decision would be made for her. She would just follow Cheryl to Highsmith College and everything would be just fine.
She had seen the way Cheryl’s face had dropped when she realized that all the plans they had been making for months might suddenly change, as much as her girlfriend tried to be happy for her. She didn’t want to break Cheryl’s heart. Even worse, she didn’t want to not be able to see Cheryl everyday anymore. She had gotten so comfortable living with her that it just seemed unimaginable to not wake up next to her anymore.
Just then, Cheryl burst through the doors of Pop’s, the little bell ringing and causing Toni’s head to jerk up. Cheryl looked overwhelmed, yet still fiercely determined, as she rushed towards the booth that Toni was sitting in.
“Cheryl?” Toni questioned. “What are you doing h–”
“Don’t talk for a second,” Cheryl cut her off as she slid across from Toni in the booth. “Simply… listen because I really need you to hear what I’m about to say.”
Toni nodded, pressing her lips together as she gave her girlfriend her undivided attention.
“I want you to go to California,” Cheryl told her confidently. “And before you go mad wondering why I would say that when all I have blabbed about for the past few months was us being together next year at Highsmith– I want you to be happy more than anything in the world.” She reached across the table for Toni’s hand, squeezing it supportively. “And if that means that we have to do long distance, I’m okay with that.”
“Woah,” Toni’s eyes widened. “That’s–”
“Wait, I’m not finished,” Cheryl cut her off again. She gazed at her girlfriend, leaning forward, now taking both of her hands. “When everyone, including my own mother, thought I was a monster that was incapable of love, you… you showed me what it means to love and be loved unconditionally.” Her smile turned bittersweet, admiration dripping from her eyes. “So… as much as I am going to go absolutely crazy without being able to see you everyday, I know that you love me. And I love you, too. My love for you would mean nothing if I didn’t encourage you to chase your dreams.”
Without another word, Toni removed her hands from Cheryl’s and placed them right on her cheeks instead, then pressed a kiss to her lips that was so hard that she could barely breathe.
“I love you, Cher,” Toni breathed as she released herself from Cheryl’s lips. She grinned to herself, shaking her head in bewilderment. “I guess I’m going to California…”
Cheryl smiled, sighing quietly. “If I’m being honest, I think I’ve known for a while that Highsmith is my dream school… not yours.”
“It’s not that Highsmith didn’t sound amazing,” Toni reassured her. “I just…”
“TT,” Cheryl tilted her head to the side knowingly. “I can see how much you want to be in California. You’d never forgive yourself if you didn’t follow that feeling. And I’d never forgive myself if I let that happen.”
“We’re gonna make this work,” Toni promised.
“I will do whatever it takes to make us work, even if we’re… three thousand miles apart,” Cheryl guaranteed, smile not fading.
It still felt insane– the thought of being in a completely new world, but also just being apart from Cheryl for the first time. Maybe they just met sophomore year, but Toni honestly couldn’t imagine her life without the redhead. She had spent almost all of her time with Cheryl since they started dating. She was the first person Toni saw every morning and the last person Toni talked to every night.
“What’s a little distance after all we’ve been through together, right?” Toni chuckled, tracing circles on Cheryl’s cheek with her thumb.
“Practically nothing!” Cheryl answered. “I will book a flight to California whenever I have a free weekend.”
“And I’ll definitely be back in Riverdale for Thanksgiving, Christmas, winter break, summer, everything…” Toni nodded confidently. “We can get through anything.” She stood up where she was sitting. “I’m gonna go order your usual and we’re making this a date, because we’ve gotta go on so many Pop’s dates this summer before we can’t eat here everyday anymore.”
Cheryl chuckled, nodding her head. Toni leaned down and stole one last kiss.
“Back in a sec, babe.”
…
The rehearsal dinner gladly offered Cheryl the knowledge that she wasn’t the only person sulking over seeing her ex again.
She wasn’t too surprised that old feelings were brought to the mix once the boys of Riverdale showed their faces. The mingling had begun after dinner, and Cheryl eyed her old friends while sipping on a glass of champagne.
Veronica’s lips were on Chadwick’s. It was the first time that Cheryl was seeing him, and he was exactly what she had envisioned– a man who looked like he ran business meetings with just a slight gallon of arrogance added in. Still, Veronica looked perfectly content as she allowed her fingers to trace the hairs on the back of his neck, slowly running up and through his hair. She was smiling admiringly when she pulled back from the kiss.
Toni slipped into the empty seat at the table.
“That name card doesn’t belong to you, you know,” Cheryl reminded.
“Whatever. No one’s sitting in their seats anymore,” Toni shrugged, leaning forward to get a better view of what Cheryl was staring at. “Are you people-watching?”
“One of our favorite old pastimes, if you remember,” she replied, squinting to try to read Chad’s facial expression.
“It’s hard to forget,” Toni chuckled. “You’re not gonna get any dirt on them… they’re the couple that’s getting married.”
“Those who are about to get married are always the weakest links,” Cheryl explained. “It makes perfect sense, if you think about it. They’re about to commit their forever to someone– just imagine the doubts and fears that may arise.”
“Do you want Veronica to run away at the altar?” Toni raised her eyebrows.
“I wouldn’t particularly mind,” she shrugged, then shifted her attention to the perfect target: Archie Andrews– Veronica’s ex-boyfriend. If anyone could stir up old feelings and trouble at this wedding, it would be him. “What do you think went on with the Scooby Gang after high school?” she asked, bringing her champagne glass to her lips.
Toni joined her in people-watching, trying to analyze her former classmates.
“I thought Archie would be the one staring at Veronica jealously, but… it looks like Reggie Mantle filled that role,” Toni chuckled, subtly nudging her head at Reggie, who was sulking alone at a table by himself. He took another large sip, unable to tear his eyes away from Veronica and Chad. There was venom in his eyes.
“My, my… you just might have cracked the code, Toni,” Cheryl commented, impressed. “I see you still have those killer instincts, even if your hair isn’t pink anymore.”
“You think I should re-dye it?” Toni asked with a breathy laugh.
“I always liked those little pink streaks,” Cheryl smiled, turning away from Reggie and instead leaning forward, closer to Toni. She took a heavy pause, feeling the effects of all the champagne she had been drinking, slipping into old habits as she reached forward and tucked a brown strand of hair behind Toni’s ear. “Doesn’t feel like you without it.”
“I’m still me, Cheryl,” she reminded.
“I know. But it feels like everyone’s changed quite a bit, doesn’t it?” Cheryl asked.
Toni shrugged, “Hmm, I don’t know. Looks like Jughead’s still brooding.”
And that he was– Jughead Jones was sitting in the corner like the high school loner he was, drinking all by himself.
“It’s unusual seeing him brood without my cousin by his side,” Cheryl observed.
“Yeah, but… we all know what happened at prom. That’s history now, isn’t it?”
Cheryl raised her eyebrows, staring harder at Jughead. Prom was a fateful night for the Scooby Gang when Archie revealed to Veronica that he and Betty had locked lips.
“Is it?” she questioned. “The way he keeps glancing at Betty every five seconds, you’d think he still has a fire for her, wouldn’t you? As if he never got over her?”
“Looks like your eyes are still sharp, too,” Toni noted. She took in the sight of how miserable Jughead looked. “She was his entire world in high school.”
“And she probably still is now…” Cheryl reminded. She turned back to Toni with a hint of mischief in her eyes. “If even a night with you wasn’t enough to get Hobo to stop loving Betty Cooper, I don’t know if anything is.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Toni smirked, her face just too close to Cheryl’s as she took a sip of her own champagne.
Cheryl ran her eyes up and down Toni’s body. Perhaps the alcohol was running through her system a little too much, but she felt bold. And since seeing her again, Cheryl couldn’t get Toni out of her thoughts. Especially now that they were talking like old times again– it felt so comfortable.
“There are few creatures more beautiful than you, Toni. That’s all I’ll say,” Cheryl’s eyes fixated on the brunette beauty in front of her.
“I could say the same about you.”
Cheryl felt blood rushing to her cheeks, flushing them red. She took a rushed sip of her champagne to deflect her mind. She had to remind herself that they were over and part of her was still angry about the way things ended between them. But she couldn’t deny that it felt so good to be around her again– analyzing and judging everyone like they always loved to do. They always had so much fun together, like they were best friends.
Except it was hard to accept that they were really just friends now– if that was even what they were. It was easier to keep off of her mind when they had distance between them. Not when she had to look at Toni looking like that all night, glowing… laughing and bantering together. She loved being around Toni– it was exhilarating.
“You know,” Toni shifted her attention back to Jughead. “I don’t think he ever stopped loving her even after what happened on prom night, which is sad to say. He still wanted to be with her… he just couldn’t trust her after what she did.”
“And he shouldn’t,” Cheryl scoffed. “He’d have to keep a camcorder on her every time she hangs out with her ginger hunk bestie.”
“I thought they were gonna last forever, if I’m being honest,” Toni admitted. “Jughead and Betty, that is. Whenever Jughead talked about her, his eyes always lit up. She was… kinda it for him. And it completely broke him when she betrayed him like that… with Archie of all people.”
“The one person he always worried about,” Cheryl confirmed. “His biggest insecurity.”
“Right,” Toni nodded, looking over at her. “I guess… sometimes you think something’s forever when it’s not, right? You think it’s love when it’s not actually meant to be.”
Cheryl felt a bitter taste in her mouth that wasn’t from the alcohol. She hated the thought that Toni could be talking about them.
“She loved him,” Cheryl shook her head. “She just loved Archie, too.”
Toni shrugged, “I wonder if it was even worth it… If anything ever happened between her and Archie after.”
Cheryl pondered it. “Most likely not. He jetted off to the Naval Academy almost immediately, and she was off to college. I’m sure she forgot all about him once she started talking away with the scholarly pool of testosterone at Yale.”
Toni glanced at Cheryl with raised eyebrows.
“You think it’s that easy to forget about someone you love?” Toni asked. “They have so much history, Cheryl. There’s no way she forgot about all of it just like that.”
“Perhaps she still loves him. Or Jughead. Or both,” Cheryl scoffed. “But it doesn’t matter now, does it? They’ll never be together now– not after everything that happened and how things were left. They’re all broken now. They’re barely friends. They’re not even talking tonight– none of them.”
“We’re talking, though,” Toni reminded, like that was supposed to mean anything.
Maybe they shouldn’t have been talking. Cheryl had been letting this go too far tonight– she should have left her walls up like she did the night of the bachelorette party. She kept Toni at just the right amount of distance.
Perhaps it wasn’t as chaotic as what had happened between the Scooby Gang in high school, but it still hurt Cheryl deeply.
“Nothing is the same anymore,” Cheryl shook her head. “Neither are we.”
“Cheryl…”
Cheryl stood up from the table, slamming her glass down.
“If you’ll excuse me, I need some water.”
…
The guests started leaving the venue, but Cheryl sat in place on the steps outside, just watching everyone depart. She scratched her heel around the cement absentmindedly, wishing she could call in sick for this wedding because she wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.
Yet, Toni still decided to sit down on the staircase next to her, crossing her legs.
“I stole you an extra bread roll,” Toni told her casually, extending her arm over with a piece of bread wrapped in napkins. “I remember how much you used to like them.”
“Thank you,” she accepted meekly, holding the bread roll in her lap. She turned to Toni, sighing quietly. “I’m sorry about… what happened inside.”
“No, I’m sorry…” Toni sighed, scratching her head. “Clearly, I struck a nerve, and I guess… I guess it’s just hard seeing you again, Cheryl. I don’t know how I’m supposed to act around you.”
Cheryl rolled the joint of her index finger around her palm nervously. Her attachment to Toni was already growing and they’d barely spent any time together. She was fearful for what was to come when the wedding ended and she had to go back to her real life.
“Can we start over as… friends?” she finally got the words out.
She hated that Toni seemed disappointed by that, but received a slow nod anyway.
“Friends works,” Toni accepted. “Friends is good.”
…
And “Friends” was good until the day of Veronica’s wedding rolled around. Or, more specifically, the wedding reception.
Cheryl was already feeling particularly inspired during the ceremony. Not because she was blown away by Veronica and Chad’s love (she didn’t even know how they met…), or because their vows were particularly touching. It was just the warm wedding feelings she was getting.
There was a time where could see her entire future with Toni, mapped out to a T. She wanted to do all the cheesy little wedding things with her. They’d send out red invitation cards with Cheryl & Toni Forever and Ever and Ever , have a joint bachelorette party, a summertime ceremony. Cheryl wondered if Toni would let her have a red-themed reception, though she was sure she’d have to do a lot of convincing for that to happen.
She hated that watching the ceremony made her think about these things. Even worse, she hated that it made her stare longingly at Toni from across the room as they both applauded when Veronica and Chad shared their first kiss as a married couple, though she had declared that she was going to think of Toni as only a friend.
“You look… incredible,” Toni slid next to her at the reception. “Am I still allowed to say that– as your friend?”
“I suppose compliments are acceptable, but don’t get too carried away,” she smiled. “You look ravishing yourself, Toni.”
“Thank you,” Toni smiled back. “What’d you think of the wedding?”
“It was lovely…” Cheryl acknowledged, though her hesitance grew. “But I do wonder how long the lovebirds will last.”
“What, you don’t think they meant their vows?” Toni chuckled.
“Please. They sounded like they took the first vows they found off the Internet. Nothing personal or sincere,” she stated with a scoff.
Toni laughed again, but nodded. “We can place our bets for how long we think they’ll last.”
“I’ll give it a year.”
“Only a year? Come on, I think they’ll try to stick it out for like two, at least…”
“Would you like to put money on that?” Cheryl raised her eyebrows.
“Maybe if I wasn’t paying like a million a month on rent, I’d take you up on that,” Toni joked. “How about… if you’re wrong, you come and visit me here?”
Cheryl rolled her eyes. “Sounds like I have to buy a plane ticket if I lose. What do I get if I’m right?”
“That’s up to you to decide,” Toni shrugged. She turned when she heard Josie calling for her. “I’m gonna go see what that’s all about, but… I’ll see you later, friend.”
Perhaps it would have been okay if they left it at that and said their goodbyes the next day when all the wedding celebrations concluded…
Instead, Toni had to mess up Cheryl’s entire plan as soon as a slow ballad began pouring through the speakers. Of course, one of Veronica’s friends from college who looked like a male model straight out of a Vogue magazine needed to ask Toni if she wanted to dance. And, of course, Toni decided to accept because she was single, and… besides, Cheryl had declared that they were just friends.
But still, Cheryl watched with burning hot eyes as Toni’s arms wrapped around the tall brunette with a chiseled jawline and neatly gelled hair. She reckoned that Toni would find someone to dance with by the end of the night because, really, who would leave a pretty girl with a face like hers all alone on the dance floor?
Cheryl could only find solace in the fact that Toni was dancing with a guy who could surely never compare to a woman’s touch. At least, in Cheryl’s mind…
Perhaps it slipped her mind how there existed people who actually enjoyed being with men. Toni happened to be one of those people, because her smile extended across her entire face. She threw her head back with laughter even though Cheryl was positive that this man couldn’t be that funny.
She tried to rip her eyes away from them dancing and pour the remaining contents of her champagne glass into her mouth, but she still kept looking through her peripheral. She felt sickly aches at the image of Toni going back to this man’s hotel.
And she let her jealousy get the best of her. One minute she was sitting at a table by herself, and the next, her feet were carrying her towards Toni and the man. She didn’t hesitate before vigorously tapping Toni’s shoulder.
“I hate to break up this… beautiful moment, but… Toni, may I have a word with you? Privately?”
Toni glanced over at her male suitor awkwardly, then back to Cheryl.
“Uh, is it important?”
“Most certainly,” she responded firmly.
“Okay,” Toni nodded, releasing her arms from the man’s. “Antwon, will you give us a sec? I’ll be back soon.”
“Sure thing,” he nodded with a charming smile, teeth so large and perfectly-shaped that Cheryl swore that they had to be veneers. “I’ll keep the dance floor warm for you.”
Cheryl’s suspicions were confirmed that he most certainly wasn’t funny, because Toni just laughed at what he said anyway. She waved at “Antwon” before following Cheryl off to the side.
“Cheryl, what is it?” Toni asked, raising her eyebrows.
“Oh, are you so eager to dance with him that you can’t even spare a moment’s time for me?”
“No, that’s not–” Toni started, but shut her eyes with a frustrated sigh. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous.”
“That is not the case.”
“Okay, then what are we doing in this weird… secluded area instead of dancing with everyone else?” Toni asked, crossing her arms.
“I…” Cheryl started, lips parting for too long, letting the cold air hit her exposed tongue as she contemplated. She had marched out there so quickly to break them up that she hadn’t had time to concoct a proper lie. “...was wondering if the tie on my dress is coming undone– it feels awfully loose.”
Toni squinted her eyes. Though she remained unconvinced, she leaned forward when Cheryl turned around to check the tie on her dress.
“It’s fine, Cheryl. Perfectly tied,” she said flatly. She squeezed Cheryl’s arm, turning her back around so that they were facing each other once again. “Come on, this is ridiculous… You were the one who said we’re friends.”
“We are.”
“Then, why do you care if I dance with Antwon?”
“Because…”
“Because, what?”
“I don’t know. I suppose that… I was indeed a teensy-tiny bit jealous.”
Cheryl swore the air grew thicker around them and her feet felt heavier against the ground. She could feel Toni’s eyes burning her with the new confession and she hated that she had given her the satisfaction.
Toni reached forward, letting her fingertips lightly run down Cheryl’s forearm. The touch was so delicate that Cheryl felt a shivering sensation lingering in every spot Toni touched– until Toni laced her fingers with Cheryl’s. Then, Cheryl felt her entire body growing hot, unimaginable loads of butterflies unleashing in her stomach as Toni got closer and closer to her and it became more of a reality that something was going to happen.
And that something did happen when Toni leaned in, swiftly taking Cheryl’s lips in between her own. It was a feeling Cheryl hadn’t gotten with anyone since they broke up– this overwhelming, stomach-in-flips sensation that made her whole body go numb.
The first kiss was gentle, but Toni didn’t let that slide for the second one. She cupped Cheryl’s cheek with her other hand, sliding it up to run through her hair as she re-captured Cheryl’s lips with ten times the force. Her hand pushed Cheryl back until she felt a cold thud of the venue’s wall behind her. The way Toni’s lips felt against hers was addictive– Cheryl didn’t know if she could ever stop kissing her, but the cold air was a constant reminder that she would do anything to teleport back to the hotel right then.
“You wanna get out of here?” Toni whispered, lips still ghosting against Cheryl’s. She earned a vigorous nod from an eager Cheryl, who followed her out the side.
“What about Antwon?” Cheryl half-joked, trying to get a rise out of her.
“You really think I give a crap about Antwon right now?”
“Well, I just wanted to hear you say it.”
“I figured.”
…
Cheryl woke up, completely shielded by Toni’s bare body.
Toni’s arm was wedged under Cheryl’s neck while the other draped across her torso protectively. The night they spent together was truly phenomenal– Toni hadn’t forgotten a thing about what she liked and disliked.
Sleepily, Toni pressed lazy kisses to the side of Cheryl’s neck, tracing circles around her shoulder with her hand. She moved her lips upwards, kissing her jawline, her chin, and finally her lips. She slid her knee between Cheryl’s leg, propping herself up so that she could roll over, partially on top of Cheryl as they continued kissing.
“Good morning,” Toni whispered between kisses, before shutting her eyes and letting her lips rest still on Cheryl’s neck.
“Morning.”
“I never wanna leave this bed,” Toni mumbled against her neck, pressing another short kiss to it.
“Well, you must at some point.”
“Didn’t know you were the type to hit it and quit it.”
Cheryl remained still. As nice as it was being here with Toni, the wedding was officially over. And their last-minute hookup was certainly not going to make leaving New York any easier.
She heard the quiet sounds of her phone buzzing on the nightstand, and detached from Toni to pick it up.
“It’s Veronica. She says there’s, quote, a major emergency and we need to go to her place immediately.”
Toni laughed breathily. “Already? Shouldn’t she be jetting off to Saint-Tropez with her new husband?”
“Apparently not…”
When they arrived at Veronica’s penthouse, it was much emptier than the last time they were there. They quickly learned that trouble was already in paradise for the newlyweds– Veronica shared an unfortunate kiss with her former lover Archie Andrews.
“You just got married, V,” Betty scolded– she was certainly the one taking it the hardest that Veronica and Archie exchanged spit.
“We were alone for a moment too long, and… it just happened,” Veronica explained, tears staining her cheeks. “I love Chad. I didn’t mean to ruin everything we’ve built over the years.”
Toni nudged Cheryl. “Well, looks like both of us were wrong.”
“I think they’ve officially won the title of World’s Shortest Marriage,” Cheryl had to stifle her laugh.
After they disbanded from Veronica’s emergency meeting, Cheryl and Toni took a cab back to the hotel.
“So…” Toni started, shoving her hands in her pockets as they approached Cheryl’s hotel room. “Since Veronica’s in crisis right now and really needs her girls, does that mean you’re gonna stay in New York for a bit longer?”
Cheryl pressed her lips together as she scanned her key card. “I don’t know.”
“Betty’s staying.”
“They’re… alleged best friends.”
“Best friends? I’m pretty sure Betty’s still pining over the man Veronica just cheated on her husband with.”
“You noticed that, too?” Cheryl lit up.
“Of course. That’s what we do,” Toni chuckled as she followed Cheryl into the hotel room.
“I have school.”
“In the fall,” Toni reminded. “You’ve got all summer.”
“I suppose I can stay a bit longer… for Veronica.”
“Really?” Toni beamed. “That’s amazing.”
It didn’t take long for Toni to stride forward, picking up Cheryl’s left hand and swinging it back and forth with a playful glint in her eyes. Cheryl figured that this was the part that she had been putting off all morning where they had to talk through what was going on with them; she almost winced back as Toni grew closer to her.
Until, instead of bringing in all the heaviness of a what are we conversation, Toni pulled her in with a coy smile over her lips. “I guess that gives us some more time to do… this.”
And Cheryl felt relief pour over her when Toni closed the distance between their lips, because going back to how good kissing Toni felt was a lot easier. She didn’t have to overthink– or think at all– when they were kissing because her body just led her. It was natural and made her feel like home as she found the familiar spots where she used to touch Toni.
There was nothing too complicated about her her palm dragging up Toni’s arm, moving in vigorous circles while their lips moved together skillfully, or when she retracted her lips from Toni’s and found them a new home buried in her neck, teeth grazing the sensitive skin so teasingly, threatening to leave a mark even though they’d have to explain that to all of their friends.
“Cheryl…” Toni breathed heavily with shut eyes, her body almost dropping back towards the bed.
So when they slept together again, it didn’t feel like a mistake– it felt great, even. And it still felt great even after they were done, together in bed with fingertips tracing skin just for the feeling of comfort.
It felt great until Toni decided to open her mouth and Cheryl felt the sudden formation– or, resurgence – of a pit in her stomach.
“With everything going on with Veronica, Chad, and Archie, I think it would probably be best if we held off on telling everyone about…” Toni began, gesturing to their bodies. “You know.”
Cheryl’s eyes grew wide. Tell everyone? There was nothing to tell everyone. Cheryl didn’t expect her friends to disclose their latest hookups, and Cheryl certainly wasn’t planning on disclosing hers to them.
“What ever do you mean?” she feigned confusion, but felt her throat growing a thick lump.
“About us? I wouldn’t want to rub anything in while everything’s going up in flames for them.” Toni blinked a few times when she saw the disconnect between her words and Cheryl’s expression. She released the arm she had around Cheryl’s shoulder, leaning forward so that she could look at the redhead. “I’m sorry… Are we not on the same page here?”
Cheryl’s lips pulled apart, trembling nervously while she stared at Toni with apologetic guilt in her eyes.
“Toni…” She took a heavy breath, lips still hanging apart. “I’m… I’m still leaving for school soon.”
“I know, but it’s only for a year, and… Highsmith’s not that far from here, and…” Toni was looking at her like a kicked puppy and Cheryl couldn’t bear looking at her so hurt. “I thought that was what we were doing here… I don’t understand.”
“I can’t,” Cheryl shook her head. “I can’t do a relationship right now.”
Toni was jarred. Her eyes went wide as she held the comforter over her chest. “Got it, so this is… this is just a casual thing. This wasn’t supposed to be…” She nodded again, but Cheryl could see water in her eyes as she turned her head away. “I’m gonna… get back to my room and… probably call Veronica to check in.”
Toni re-dressed herself in record time, practically dashing out the door without another word. And Cheryl thought she would be able to let Toni walk away, but the instant she was out the door, Cheryl threw the comforter off of her body and put her clothes back on. She grabbed her key card and hurried out into the hallway.
“Toni, wait!” Cheryl called after her. She was standing on the other side of the hallway, waiting by the elevator with teary eyes.
“What do you want now?” she demanded.
“To… talk through this.”
Obviously, she hadn’t planned this confrontation out one bit. There probably was nothing left to say; Cheryl had already said she couldn’t do a relationship.
“What is there to say?” Toni was growing angry now. “You don’t wanna do this, clearly. You’re just gonna let what we have slip away for no reason.”
Cheryl thought this entire encounter would be her profusely apologizing to Toni the entire time, but the moment Toni said that, she felt her body growing hot with anger, red running over her cheeks in the worst possible way. She didn’t feel guilty about not wanting a relationship with Toni anymore because she was still angry, and sleeping together didn’t change that.
“You broke up with me, Toni. You are the reason that we are over right now– don’t you forget that,” Cheryl jabbed venomously, squinting her eyes as she balled up her fists. “And I’ve… never forgiven you for it, deep down.”
Toni seemed stunned by the revelation; she took an involuntary half-step back, lips parting in shock.
“Cher–”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Cheryl,” she corrected, stepping closer once she composed herself. “Please… don’t say that.”
“I mean it,” Cheryl continued. “I’m not… crazy . You ruined this.”
Toni stared at her, scrunching her eyebrows. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There is nothing to say. This is why I can’t do this with you again,” she shook her head. “You ruined this, and I hope that the free booze and boatload of guys and girls you probably slept with in college were worth it. Because you lost me.”
“I’m here now. And I’m trying.”
“You moved to New York, Toni. You’ve been so close by, and you didn’t even reach out.”
Toni breathed exasperatedly. “I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. I– I called you, the first time I came back to Riverdale for winter break. I left you a voicemail, and you never answered me.”
“We had just broken up then. While you were out having fun, I was still staining my sheets with teardrops every night because of how much I missed you.”
“I was missing you, too–”
“Right. As if you weren’t going out every weekend.”
Toni reached over, jamming the elevator button, desperately needing to escape from this conversation.
“Message received. I screwed this up. Good luck with your life, Cheryl.”
She didn’t wait for Cheryl's retaliation before stepping into the elevator and pressing the button to shut the doors immediately. She swallowed thickly once she was lost in her solitude, leaning back against the wall of the elevator.
She didn’t really have an argument. She did break up with Cheryl. She did ruin everything they had. Toni constantly wondered what would have happened if they stuck it out, dating long distance in college. She wondered if they would still be together now.
“How’s everything going over at Highsmith?” Toni leaned back against her twin bedframe, holding her phone out as she FaceTimed Cheryl. “Did you do anything fun at orientation?”
“It was quite pathetic. I left early– that’s why I’m here now.”
Toni scrunched her eyebrows. “Babe, I know it’s a little weird, but orientation’s a good thing. That’s where I met, like, half of my floormates.”
“TT, it simply isn’t for me.”
She was planning on continuing to convince Cheryl to take orientation seriously, but her eyes shot up to her roommate, who’d just returned from the bathroom.
“Hey, Toni,” her roommate smiled. “A few of us are going to grab dinner at the dining hall and then check out this party on frat row, if you want to tag along.”
Toni stared at her roommate for a moment with eager eyes, but then glanced back down at her phone, where a silent Cheryl was boxed into. As much as she wanted to go out with her floormates, she could see the sadness in Cheryl’s eyes– she’d just left her orientation activity early to call.
“I’m a little busy tonight, but I’ll catch you guys next time.”
Toni quickly found that this wasn’t the last time she missed out on an outing. And she soon learned that Cheryl was doing the same– constantly.
She’d brought the issue up on their calls repeatedly, but Cheryl shot her down every time.
…
Toni yawned as she picked up her shower caddy, then slid on her shower shoes. She stretched her back muscles out, still feeling groggy before twisting the doorknob.
“ Cheryl. ” Toni jolted awake when she saw the redhead standing outside of her door with her travel bag and a bright, toothy smile on her face. Instantly, she surged forward to pull her girlfriend in for a long, dizzying hug. “Baby, what are you doing here?”
“I missed you far too much. I booked the first flight out that I could find to surprise you,” she explained. “I thought that we could use some much-needed in-person time.”
Toni couldn’t argue with that– and even less so once Cheryl dropped her travel bag inside the room and her hand found the tie of Toni’s bathrobe, toying with it.
They spent most of their day in Toni’s bed, other than going out to eat. Everything felt fine and normal for Toni– at least for a little while. She loved being with Cheryl and they had fun talking. And it was so much nicer to be able to reach out and run her fingertips through red locks than to just think about it over the camera.
It wasn’t until her roommate walked in to grab her jacket that she remembered how frustrated she had been feeling lately.
“Hey, Toni.”
Toni, who had her arm around Cheryl as they were lying in bed, looked up at her roommate.
“Hey, where are you going?”
“I’ll be out of your hair in a sec. I’m heading out to a club meeting.”
“Oh, that’s cool. For what?”
“It’s this… painting club. I’m new to it, but I used to be really into art, so I wanted to try getting back into it.”
Toni forced a nod and smile, waving off to her roommate as she left. But she felt frozen in place. She hadn’t used her camera since before college started. She certainly hadn’t joined any clubs or done anything related to photography yet, which was what she had always planned on doing.
From then on, she felt this ache every time she looked over at Cheryl next to her. She wanted to enjoy their limited time together, but she couldn’t get her thoughts out of her head.
“Cher, I’m really happy you came to visit, but… I think… I think we need to talk about everything that’s been going on.”
“Oh, TT, we had some bumps in the road with the distance, but we’re simply… figuring it out.”
“I have to be honest. It’s really hard already, and my classes haven’t even picked up yet,” Toni admitted. “What happens when we have midterms every other weekend, and we can’t just book flights to see each other?”
“We can talk on the phone, like we have been doing this entire time.”
“And it’s been really hard to keep up with…”
“Can we please not do this right now? I have a flight tonight, and I don’t want to ruin the last of our time together.”
“But we have to talk about this.”
“Please. All you ever do is complain about how hard the long distance is.”
“It’s not a complaint, it’s a… conversation,” Toni argued. “I just… I don’t want you to resent me four years from now because you lost your college experience because of me. I’m the one who made the decision to go to California and you shouldn’t be paying for that– you shouldn’t be losing your happiness because of me.”
Cheryl raised her eyebrows, shaking her head profusely. “You are my happiness, TT. Don’t you get that? You are the only thing that’s kept me sane everyday in Riverdale. I wouldn’t have made it out of there if it wasn’t for you.” She shifted closer, resting her hand on Toni’s thigh. “I do not care about pointless college parties and mediocre communal hangouts if it means that I can’t be with you. I only want you.”
“You say that now, but what happens years from now?” she asked. “You’ll regret it forever if you spend every night calling me instead of having fun in college.”
Cheryl pulled her hand back from Toni, dropping it by her side.
“Are you saying that because you think it’s what I want, or because it’s what you want, Toni?” Cheryl began growing angry, folding her arms. “Don’t project this onto me because the only thing I’ve ever wanted is you. You’d rather go out every night drinking with new college friends than call me, right?”
“That’s not–” Toni sighed. “Cher, I just don’t want us to regret this… missing out on this experience.”
“You keep saying that, but I could never regret a moment being with you,” Cheryl declared, shaking her head. “But… it looks like you can’t say the same, so why are we even having this conversation? Evidently, you’ve already made up your mind.”
“I–” Toni seemed hesitant, but shook it off. “I love you, Cheryl. You know that.”
“This isn’t about you loving me. This is about you leaving me for your college friends!” Cheryl accused, standing up from the bed in outrage. “You are giving up on us when I want this to work more than anything in the world. More than any pointless college fun.”
“You turned down going out to dinner with your floormates so that you could talk to me on the phone. You barely leave your dorm. Have you even met anyone new, Cheryl?” Toni asked, raising her eyebrows. Receiving no response, Toni continued, “This relationship is draining you and I know it… and you know it.”
“It doesn’t matter!” Cheryl cried. “None of this matters. I want to be with you and I’m willing to spend every moment of my time trying to make this work because… I love you more than anything in this world.”
Toni could see the hot tears in Cheryl’s eyes. She was breaking inside and the only thing that could fix it was Toni telling her that they would keep trying– that after Cheryl flew back to Highsmith, they would keep spending late nights calling each other instead of experiencing the world.
But Toni just couldn’t do that. Not to Cheryl… Not to herself.
“I love you, too,” Toni told her. “But I don’t want you to spend every waking moment trying to make this work because it shouldn’t be this hard. You and I both deserve more than that.”
Cheryl laughed bitterly, turning her head to the side with tears.
“Just say it, Toni,” Cheryl said, tears now freely rolling down her cheeks. “I want to hear you say it aloud, since you’ve been dancing around it forever.”
Toni paused, sucking in a heavy breath. Her eyes couldn’t meet Cheryl’s. She just stared at the floor, her whole body shaking. If she said it out loud, it became real– it wasn’t just a thought in her head anymore.
“I think we have to break up, Cheryl,” Toni breathed out.
Cheryl knew it was coming, but it felt like a punch to the gut nonetheless. Her entire heart sank in that moment, a long stinging taking over her body. The girl sitting near her wasn’t her girlfriend anymore. The girl she had spend the last few years loving with everything inside of her wasn’t her girlfriend anymore.
One second ago, they were still together. Now they weren’t, and it was really over.
“At least for now…” Toni added softly.
“Don’t you dare say that.”
“It doesn’t have to be forever,” Toni continued, standing up so that she could get closer. “The way I feel about you– that’s never going away.”
“So, what?” Cheryl broke down further. “You break up with me now, but after you’ve had your fun in college, we get back together if you still want me and haven’t changed your mind? If you haven’t met somebody better here?”
“It’s not like that–”
“It is exactly like that. Don’t say you’re doing this for me, because it’s for you.”
“I… think it’s what’s best for both of us.”
“And I think it’s best if I leave,” she turned cold.
Toni knew it was probably best if she left, though her heart ached at the thought of Cheryl walking out those doors forever. But there was nothing left to say– they had been talking in circles about this topic forever and both of them were clearly on different pages. Nothing would make this easier. Toni couldn’t go on the way they had been. And Cheryl just wanted to stay together.
She knew it was probably not the best idea, but she couldn’t let Cheryl leave without it–
Leaning forward, she placed a gentle last kiss to Cheryl’s lips. She could taste the salty tears that had rolled down her face. Cheryl couldn’t bring herself to kiss back– why would she? It was pointless, anyway. This wasn’t a real kiss. It was a goodbye.
Cheryl turned her head away after the kiss, eyes refusing to meet Toni’s as she walked towards the door and opened it. She was about to walk out for good, but gripped onto the doorknob, hesitating for a long moment. She knew Toni’s eyes were burning into her from behind, but she needed to get out of here.
She turned around one last time, but that was it.
…
Toni had gone back to her apartment on the other side of the city, but she still found that her feet had taken her outside of Cheryl’s hotel room.
When the redhead opened the door, she immediately sighed in frustration.
“We can’t keep talking about this.”
Toni ignored her. “When you look back on your time in college, what do you think of?”
Cheryl arched her eyebrows inwards, recognizing that Toni was trying to give her some type of greater message. She wanted to be one step ahead, but she just couldn’t see where Toni was going with this.
“Stop wasting my time, Toni. Why does it–”
“Just listen, okay?” she interrupted. “I know you can think of a thousand memories. The people you met, the laughs you head– that’s what makes it worth it.”
Cheryl was in disbelief. She couldn’t possibly be trying to make their breakup a good thing.
“I spent every day missing you, Toni. No memory from college compares,” Cheryl shook her head.
“You lost everything when Jason died,” Toni suddenly said.
Cheryl’s face changed, dropping from anger and frustration to complete sadness. She hadn’t talked about or heard anybody talk about Jason in so long. The dull ache that constantly pulled at her body when she thought about him resurfaced.
“He was your light,” she continued. “And as much as you wanted to believe that I fixed it, I didn’t. I might’ve eased the pain, but you never got normalcy when you lived in Riverdale. Your parents tortured you. You lost your brother.”
“Are you planning on recapping every bad thing that’s happened to me?”
“Cher… Every day after Jason died, you carried that sadness with you and there was nothing I could do to fix it,” she explained. “I couldn’t give you normal. Just… innocent recklessness and happiness– you never got that. And neither did I.”
Cheryl’s face softened. She knew how much Toni had gone through when they were younger.
“I went to a crappy high school for so long. And once I transferred to Riverdale High, things still weren’t normal. I loved every moment with you, but that town– it never allowed us to be normal,” Toni sighed. “And maybe we could’ve been normal together if we both went to Highsmith, but… I made the decision to go to California. I missed you everyday, but I experienced what it’s like to be a normal human being for once.”
Cheryl soured again. “Wonderful. It’s great to know how much better off you were once we broke up.”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Toni shook her head. “I made friends… I drank because I wanted to, and not because I was sad about the latest death in town or one of my friends getting beaten to death in a Serpent fight. I joined a photography club– I even got an internship with my professor and did professional shoots with him.” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “You can’t honestly tell me that you don’t have amazing memories from being a normal person. If we had stayed together, we would’ve kept relying on each other instead of dealing with our own crap.”
Cheryl scoffed. “So, we had fun in college. Now, what?”
“We’re the better versions of ourselves,” she smiled. “I think we could actually do this right. You don’t have to say anything now if you don’t want to, but I just… I have to say this.” She took a deep breath. “I never stopped loving you. Not even for a second.”
Cheryl’s breath hitched, never expecting to hear those words again. She opened her mouth to speak, but Toni jumped in again. “Actually, I don’t want you to say anything yet. Just… think about everything.”
…
Cheryl wanted to stay away longer– to truly examine their relationship. But her heart wound her up right outside of Toni’s apartment door the very next day.
“Cheryl,” Toni was startled. “How did you find my place?”
“I asked Veronica. May I come in?”
Toni nodded her head eagerly, opening the door wider. “Of course.” Hastily, she cleared off the junk items from the couch to give her space to sit. “Sorry, it’s such a mess. I would’ve cleaned up a little if I knew you were coming.” She looked over once she sat down on the couch. “How’s, uh… how’s Veronica doing?”
“Not well. Chad still isn’t talking to her, rightfully so, if you ask me.”
Cheryl looked around at the apartment, examining its decor. It was simplistic, yet still cluttered just the right amount. There were photographs all over the wall– Cheryl could only assume that Toni had taken those herself. There was no shortage of plants all around, particularly succulents. Even the living room table was covered in succulents.
“I like your apartment,” Cheryl complimented casually.
“Really?” Toni arched her eyebrows, surprised. “I didn’t think it was your style.”
“It’s very… you,” Cheryl smiled– that was a good sign to Toni that she wasn’t still boiling over with anger.
After a beat of silence between them, Toni was dying to hear Cheryl’s thoughts. “So… what’s up?”
“You were right,” Cheryl conceded. “About some things.”
Toni stayed quiet, waiting for her to elaborate.
“You made me happy, Toni,” she continued. “Happier than I ever thought I could be, but…” She swallowed, glancing down at the floor before letting her eyes find Toni again. “I think that what I failed to realize then, and… truthfully, until now, was that I did rely on you for my happiness. I needed you to be happy, so I didn’t understand why you would break up with me because… it felt like you were taking away my happiness and I didn’t know how to survive without you. I felt dark again inside.”
“That’s… not what I meant to do,” Toni said softly.
“I know,” she replied, surprising Toni when a tender smile curved upon her lips. “I learned to be happy on my own. I’m realizing it now– I am happy. With myself, with the life I built for myself. I have lovely friends at school, and… wonderful memories. I’m happy, Toni.”
Toni pressed her lips together, tilting her head to the side as she gazed at Cheryl admiringly. A small, tight-lipped smile formed on her lips as she just stared at the redhead.
“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Cher,” she said quietly. “To see you happy.”
Still, the question was left in the air about what this meant for them.
“But seeing you again made me realize… I still love you, too,” Cheryl admitted, her voice so soft, like she was afraid of getting shot down. “And I think I always will, despite how hard as I try not to.”
Toni smiled gratefully, warmth filling her. She felt it deep down, but hearing Cheryl say it– hearing that there was hope for them– it felt surreal. She reached over to take Cheryl’s hand in hers.
“But wait…” Cheryl swallowed, looking up at Toni nervously. “I’m not sure if this is going to work.”
“But you just said–”
“I do love you.”
“Are you afraid of the distance? It’s not that far, and it’s only one year…”
“Last time, we didn’t even make it a year.”
“That was then, Cher,” Toni shook her head. “I know what I want now.”
She knew she had hurt Cheryl deeply, so this was her last chance to make this right. She reached forward, taking Cheryl’s other hand as well.
“You wanna know something?” Toni looked up, breaths unsteady as her eyes fell directly on Cheryl. “I didn’t move to New York just because of a job.” Cheryl arched her eyebrows, confused. “I mean, I did get a cool offer here, but I got way more in LA, since I went to school there. All my connections are there.” She took a heavy breath, head leaning in towards Cheryl. “Truth is, I applied to jobs in New York because of you.”
Cheryl was awestruck, thumbs digging into the skin on the back of Toni’s hand as she tried to process her words.
“It was stupid– in the off-chance that I’d see you again someday because we always talked about how we’d move to New York together after we graduated,” she explained. “I thought you’d wind up as a big lawyer in the city and we’d somehow find a way back to each other. I know it’s crazy, and I know it’s probably too late, but… I want to make this work.”
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it…”
“I mean it, Cher. With everything in me,” Toni assured her, picking up Cheryl’s hand and placing it against her heart. “I want us to do this– all in. And I wanna be there when you graduate from law school, and I wanna move to New York together when you’re done. I wanna go apartment hunting– finally have a fresh start together.”
Cheryl wasn’t unsure anymore. She believed all of Toni’s words and maybe she was a fool, but she could tell that it was different from the first time. They were grown up now– they were redy to make this happen.
“I’m all in, too.”
Toni was overwhelmed with joy, reaching up to cup both of Cheryl’s cheeks with her hands. She surged her lips forward, kissing Cheryl until she was left breathless.
“What do you think of moving into a place like Veronica’s?” Cheryl asked with a grin once she pulled back.
Toni chuckled, shaking her head. “Yeah, we’re gonna need to work on compromising first.”
Cheryl let out a soft laugh, bringing her lips back to Toni’s. Suddenly, she was eternally grateful that Veronica had invited her to the wedding.