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There’s been an audible elephant in the room ever since Dan made it clear to The Doctor that Yaz likes her. It doesn’t make situations awkward, nor uncomfortable. They just know there’s extra baggage now.
They don’t talk about it, there’s really nothing to say. The Doctor already knows that going one step closer is possibly going to break her; time always runs out far too soon in these circumstances, which means that she won’t be able to give Yaz what she deserves. And she deserves the world, universe even. She’s given her so much already but she wants to give her more. But instead, it will all end in tragedy, like it has so many times before.
Yaz can’t help but feel that because they both avoid addressing her feelings, things have been going around in circles with both her and The Doctor. Like if she were to take one step closer to talking or acting upon the way she feels that The Doctor would take two steps backward. This doesn’t annoy Yaz, keeping The Doctor at arm’s length is probably the best thing to do here, and ensure The Doctor is comfortable.
That’s another thing. Yaz doesn’t even know if The Doctor is even comfortable bearing the thought of how she feels towards her. Yaz casts her memory back to her conversation with Claire Clairemont in 1816 and how she referred to The Doctor as an ‘enigmatic person’. Yaz knew she was right, but being in this situation now, increases the validity of her statement.
The Doctor goes against her word at the bottom of the ocean. She can’t help but catch little glimpses of Yaz as she looks out at the fish swimming idly around the TARDIS whilst she rambles at the absolute awe of the sight. She turns and faces towards Yaz and blurts out ‘Not a bad date am I?’. It’s not until Yaz replies that she realises she even said it at all. She had hoped it would have stayed as a simple thought, except it didn’t. Now she’s got to try and tidy up the mess she just made.
The Doctor tries to rectify the situation by stating that even though she might not do ‘dates’ per say, if she were, she’d do it with Yaz. That doesn’t help their now even more awkward situation. In fact, it makes it slightly worse. So, she tries a different approach.
‘I think you’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever known.’
The Doctor isn’t wrong, she rarely is. But it’s that feeling of never having enough time is what she explains to Yaz on the beach. Why they can’t go further, even though they both want to. And they don’t touch the subject again.
Yaz’s heart is pounding so fast that she thinks it might fly out of her chest. Witnessing the sheer horror of The Master forcibly regenerating The Doctor, and worse becoming The Doctor is almost causing her to start hyperventilating. The only though running laps around her head is how can she bring her back. She has to bring her back.
And she does. Yaz nearly tears up at the sight of The Doctor sat distraught in that glass container. She runs over to the door and puts her hand up against the glass to match that of The Doctor. The look on The Doctor’s face when she realises Yaz brought her back is priceless to Yaz. It’s full of so much love and admiration, she thinks her heart could burst at any given moment.
The first thing The Doctor feels after she destroys The Master’s planet is Yaz’s arms wrapping around her, picking her up and taking her back to the TARDIS. It sets off one of those fuzzy feelings of warmth and security.
She loses consciousness soon after.
When The Doctor eventually wakes, she’s greeted with a empty TARDIS. Empty except for Yaz.
Oh Yaz.
Then she realises it’s starting. That she’s fading away. She sees the tears slipping down Yaz’s face; there’s nothing to stop it from happening, they have to face reality.
That night they end up entangled in each other’s arms. It was purely Yaz’s idea, she didn’t want to let any opportunity to be with The Doctor to go to waste.
The Doctor looks down at Yaz’s sleeping form, one of her arms draped across to hold onto The Doctor’s shoulder, her hair gently brushing against her chin when she turns her head in her sleep.
Their final moment together was bound to be emotional, yet it wasn’t. It was more a moment of tranquillity and peace, them both accepting what’s to come.
As Yaz steps out of the TARDIS, she feels a lump forming in her throat. She knew this day would come eventually, when she would leave the TARDIS and not step back in it again, yet she had hoped she could have delayed that day for a while yet. Yaz turns around to drink in one final glimpse of The Doctor. Her Doctor.
The Doctor, similar to Yaz, is riddled with emotions as she sees Yaz turn her back and walk away from her. A part of her wants to run over to her, grab her arm and pull her in for their first and last kiss. But she doesn’t. Mainly because if she did, there would be absolutely no chance of them ever parting ways again. So she shuts the door to the TARDIS, and lets her tears being to stream down her face. She mentally curses herself, she had tried so hard to not let this happen, yet somewhere, somehow, Yasmin Khan had managed to worm her way inside her hearts. And she was right. It would all end in tragedy
Yaz gives in to Graham and Dan and goes along to the meeting of former companions of The Doctor. She can barely hold herself together the whole time, she’s had barely had any time to process the fact that she’s left The Doctor, and hearing all these other people share their fond memories keeps getting her worked up. She can only hope that she’s able to mask her emotions well enough. All she can muster at this meeting is ‘Of course she’s ok, she’s The Doctor’ to answer Ace’s question.
That night, Yaz lets all of her emotions out as she cries herself to sleep. The mere thought that she’s gone, that she’s not coming back to get her tomorrow is enough to get her in hysterics. It’s effecting her this hard because she loved her and she loved her. And she will never get over loving her.
‘It's funny how one unprecedented action can change the course of one’s life’.
That’s the thought that Yaz has had ever since the night The Doctor came crashing through the roof of the train. Ever since she was whisked to a far-off planet soon after. Since she first went back in time to experience Rosa Parks saying ‘No.’.
She will carry these memories with her for the rest of her life. For she is eternally grateful for her time with her Doctor.