Work Text:
“Uhtred… are ye sure he can handle this?”
Uhtred nods his head. “Of course.”
“Are ye sure?” Finan presses.
Uhtred nods again. “Yes.”
Sihtric doesn’t look convinced and tilts his head. “You do remember we have 7 kids?”
Uhtred frowns. “How stupid do you really think I am?”
Finan exchanges a glance with Sihtric and shrugs. “Well… ye did just say ye can handle them on yer own.”
Uhtred shrugs again. “Junior is 17 and Stiorra is 14. They don’t count.”
Sihtric eyes him. “I’m so glad to hear you say our oldest son and daughter don’t count.”
Uhtred rolls his eyes and waves his hands. “They count but they can take care of themselves. For the most part.” He adds.
Finan shakes his head. “Uhtred, ye canne ignore the older kids!”
Sihtric nods. “Yeah, Stiorra is grounded, remember? You have to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t sneak out again.”
“I got this!” Uhtred says, raising his hands. “I swear!”
Finan and Sihtric exchange a glance, still not looking convinced. Finan sighs deeply and shakes his head. “I’m gonna cancel my trip.”
Uhtred shakes his head. “You can’t! It’s your grandpa’s funeral and you haven’t been back to Ireland since before our first kid. And the money is already spent. You’re going.”
Sihtric sighs and crosses his arms. “I can’t cancel. If I don’t go for my training, I lose my promotion.”
Uhtred points a finger at him and nods his head. “You’re going! This has all been planned for weeks! I got this!”
Sihtric purses his lips. “Your sister was supposed to come help.”
Uhtred throws up his arms. “She’s sick! She can’t help getting sick!”
Finan tilts his head. “She was supposed to help ye wit’ ‘em.”
Sihtric nodded. “And she was gonna bring her girlfriend.”
“I can do it!” Uhtred says. “I! CAN! DO! IT!”
“Famous last words…” Uhtred mumbles to himself as he rubs a hand over his face. He said he could do it. He insisted and swore and played it off like it wouldn’t be hard. He said no problem. He said he was fine, told them to go and not worry, of course he could handle everything. He was their dad! He could totally take care of his kids! All alone. By himself. For almost a week. He totally had this and he wasn’t going to fail. Except he sort of is. He hasn’t stopped since the moment Sihtric and Finan left. He hasn’t slept or sat down, he swears. He doesn’t even think he’s paused long enough to take a breath. He is so in over his head! And if he had any sense left in his head, he might worry around being so dead on his feet. But he hardly even realizes it as he just moves on autopilot, taking care of them.
He rubs a hand over his face again, wiping off the sticky mess that had been thrown at him by the raging toddler. He’s not even sure what it is. He’s not sure he really wants to know. He couldn’t remember what he’d made for breakfast for them. He’s not even sure it’s still breakfast time. The kid shouldn’t still have breakfast. Was it even his breakfast? Uhtred blinks as he turns and grabs a dishtowel. He wets it and runs it over his face, cleaning himself off. Then he turns and he has no idea where Osbert is. The kid was right there a moment ago, wasn’t he?
“Dad?”
Uhtred blinks and stumbles as he turns. Athelstan is there, stomping his feet and looking upset. Uhtred has no energy left to deal with whatever the kid wants. “What?” He asks.
Athelstan frowns and stomps his foot again. “Cynlaef is sitting in my spot!”
Uhtred stares down at the 5 year old, the words not processing. “What?”
“I was… uh… I was sitting there…” Athelstan says. “And I gots up and I left to go get a toy and I comed back and he was sitting where I was and he stoled my seat!”
Uhtred shakes his head. “Just sit somewhere else.”
“No!” Athelstan says loudly. “It’s my favoritest seat and it’s mine and I was there and I want it back!”
Uhtred sighs and sinks down. He kneels down in front of the kid, getting eye level with him. He’s seen Sihtric do the same when one of the kids is about to throw a tantrum. Speak to them on their level or some parenting shit Sihtric keeps going on about. “Athelstan…” He starts but doesn’t get to finish as something slimy is thrown at him. It smacks him in the side of the face before falling. He turns and stares down at it and it doesn’t register in his mind for a moment. Because why is there a piece of lunchmeat flying through the air? He’s not sure if it’s ham or bologna or whatever the fuck it might be. His brain can’t process enough to even take a guess. He glances towards the direction and thought it came from and Osbert is there suddenly again, glaring at him.
“Sammich!” The toddler yells.
Uhtred stares at him. “Seriously… Osbert… that is not how you ask for something.”
“Sammich now please!” Obsert yells again, stomping his feet.
“Dad!” Athelstan moves closer. “Cynlaef…”
Uhtred sighs deeply and rubs at his forehead as he stands up. “Athelstan! Enough!”
“Sammich now, dammit!" Obsert says.
Uhtred gawks down at him and seriously! “Okay! Just… both of you, go sit down and watch TV or something and I’ll make lunch.”
“Cynlaef is in my seat!”
“Just go!” Uhtred snaps, pointing. “Both of you! Now!” Athelstan pouts but he grabs Osbert’s hand and pulls on him. The toddler pulls back and bends down to grab the piece of lunchmeat. Uhtred’s eyes widen and he grabs it from him. “No, Osbert. I will make you something…”
“Dad!”
Uhtred groans as the little kids leave and Stiorra is suddenly there, in his face, looking like she wants something. “Yes, Stiorra?”
She smiles sweetly and bats her eyelashes. “Can I go out with my friends tonight?”
Uhtred raises an eyebrow. “Do friends include Sigtryggr?”
Stiorra tilts her head and shrugs. “Maybe.”
Uhtred shook his head. “No.” He says flatly.
She frowns. “Why not? You said you liked him.”
“I do.” Uhtred nods. “But you’re grounded.”
Stiorra blinks and tilts her head. “No… I’m not.”
Uhtred pauses. “Sitty said you were… didn’t he?”
Stiorra shakes her head. “No, that was last week.”
He hesitates. Because now he doubts what he remembers. Is his timing off? When exactly was she grounded? And for how long? Should it be over by now? “Are you… are you sure? I swear they said you were grounded.”
“I was.” She nods. “But I’m not now.”
Uhtred frowns as he tries to think about it. But his head is starting to thump and he really isn’t sure at all. But he swears they told him she was. He shakes his head. “No… you are. I know you are.”
Stiorra crosses her arms. “Then what did I do?”
Uhtred blinks and pauses. “I… I don’t know.” He admits.
She smiles triumphantly. “Then I’m not grounded!”
Uhtred shakes his head. “Yes you are.”
“No I’m not!” She snaps.
Uhtred rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “I don’t remember why but I know you are.”
Stiorra glares at him. “Well… you’re getting fat!” She snaps before she spins and storms off.
Uhtred’s mouth drops open. “I am?” He looks down at himself. It’s true he hasn’t hit the gym or done as many workouts as he used to. Work and kids and two husbands doesn’t leave a lot of time but he does what he can. And he doesn’t think he’s gained any weight. He lifts his shirt and pokes his flat and toned looking stomach. Had he? He’s lost in thought about his maybe fatness as there is suddenly a tugging on his pants. He looks down to see Aedgyth and she’s holding onto his leg. He stares down at her, wondering what her problem is. “What?” He asks.
“I wuv you.” She says.
Uhtred feels a pang in his chest and he smiles down at her. “I love you, too.” The threat of a tantrum out of the way and he notices the thick layer of makeup on her face. He blinks and tilts his head. “Aedgyth, did you get into your sister’s makeup?”
She nods her head. “Yes.”
Uhtred ruffles her hair and smiles. “Go wash it off before your sister sees. You know she doesn’t like you messing with her makeup.”
Aedgyth sticks out her bottom lip, pouting. “But I wanna be a pretty princess like you.”
Uhtred’s eyes widen. “Uh…”
“Papa says you’re a pretty princess.”
Uhtred clenches his jaw and nods his head. “Yep. I am and you are too but stay out of Stiorra’s stuff, okay? Please?”
Aedgyth huffs out and nods. “Fine.”
Uhtred holds out his hand. “Come on. I’ll help.” Aedgyth’s face lights up and she lets out an excited squeal as she grabs his hand. Uhtred smiles and tugs her along, leading her down the hall. He picks her up when they get to the bathroom and sits her on the counter. She laughs and kicks her feet and reaches over to turn on the water. Uhtred grabs a washcloth and soap and starts to clean her up.
“Dad?”
Uhtred drops the washcloth and leans heavily on the sink beside Aedgyth. “Fucking Hel… what?”
Their oldest kid, Uhtred, is standing in the doorway. He’s named after him and they took to calling him Junior. “Uh… just… wondered if you knew Obsert was in the kitchen, eating butter out of the tub.”
Uhtred blinks. “He’s what?”
“He’s eating butter.” Junior says, smiling. “With his hands. He’s got it all over him.”
Uhtred still isn’t processing. He’s so tired and so exhausted, the words just don’t make sense. “What?” Junior takes pity on him and grabs his hand. He tugs his dad towards the kitchen and points. And Uhtred stares down at the toddler, sitting on the floor with the butter tub in his lap. And butter everywhere. “Osbert! What… what are you doing?”
Osbert turns towards them. He lifts his buttery hands up and waves them. “Cheese!”
Uhtred blinks. “That… that’s not cheese.”
“Cheese!” The toddler repeats.
Uhtred shakes his head slowly. “It’s not cheese! Holy fuck, what is wrong with you? I told you I would make you lunch! You aren’t starving!”
Junior is clearly trying hard not to laugh. But he’s failing miserably and nearly doubles over with how hard he’s suddenly laughing. The teenager shakes his head and struggles to breathe for a moment.
Uhtred turns to glare at his oldest son. “I’m glad you find this so funny.”
“I’m sorry, dad.” Junior says as he catches his breath. “I really am but you’re doing so bad.”
“You’re all still alive!” Uhtred snaps.
“Are you sure?” Junior asks.
Uhtred pauses. He holds up his hands and starts counting the kids off. “Osbert is eating butter, Cynlaef stole Athelstan’s seat, Athelstan is throwing a fit about it, Stiorra is pissed because she might or might not be grounded…”
Junior raises an eyebrow. “She is. For like another week.”
“I knew it!” Uhtred throws up his arms, forgetting what they were talking about. “Uh… what was I doing?”
Junior smiles. “Counting kids.”
“Yeah… uh…” Uhtred nods and holds his hand up again. “You’re right here. And I left Aedgyth on the bathroom counter… fucking Hel…”
“She’s fine.” Junior says quickly. “There’s a step stool in the bathroom so the little kids can reach.”
Uhtred nods. “Right… right. I knew that. Uh…” He runs the kids over in his head again. “That’s 6… wait… there are 7 of you! Holy fuck! Where’s Torhte?”
Junior smiles again. “He’s fine. He’s in his room playing video games.”
Uhtred breathes out and nods. “Wait… wasn’t he doing that last night?”
Junior nods. “I think he’s been playing all night. Something about some event he’s doing.”
Uhtred breathes out. That means all the kids are indeed at least alive. “I should prolly go check into that. Kid’s gonna go blind. Or starve.”
“Cheese!” Osbert says, waving his buttery hands around in the air.
Uhtred rolls his eyes. “You are not starving! I know you ate today!” Junior laughs again and Uhtred sighs. “Will you please go de-butter your brother? Please?”
Junior laughs again and nods. “Come here, you cheeseball.” Osbert squeals and attempts to run but Junior grabs him. He sweeps the toddler up and turns.
Aedgyth is there in the doorway, clean and still very much alive. She gasps, seeing Osbert, and waves her arms around dramatically. “That looks like a big mess. You need my help.” Junior nods and the two head down the hall.
Uhtred leans back against the kitchen counter and rubs a hand over his face. He’s left alone and there aren’t any kids in the kitchen. He’s tempted to sit down at the table. For just a moment. Or sneak off to his bedroom. A few minutes. Junior can watch the kids. Maybe he can sweet talk Stiorra into making lunch. If he let her leave for a couple hours. What’s a couple hours? Long enough for him to get a nap.
“Uhtred?”
Uhtred snaps awake and jolts. He’s sitting at the table and his forehead hurts. He thinks he somehow fell asleep. How the fuck did he even get to the table? “Fuck… how long was I asleep? What time is it? I was supposed to be making lunch!”
Finan is leaning over the table, waving a hand in Uhtred’s face. “Sweetheart, breathe.”
Uhtred blinks up at him. “Fin?” His eyes widen more. “How long have I been asleep?”
Finan chuckles as he straightens up. He turns and leans against the table, crossing his arms. “Got an earlier flight.”
“We tried to call you.” Sihtric is walking across the kitchen towards him. He sets a bottle of water down on the table in front of him. “Drink something. You look like shit, babe.”
Uhtred sighs and grabs the bottle. He leans back and nods. “I feel like shit.” He mumbles as he takes a few sips. “You said you called?”
Sihtric nods as he moves around Uhtred and stands behind him. “We both did. Several times last night and today. Had us a bit worried until we talked to Stiorra.”
“She didn’t say anything.” Uhtred mumbles as he leans to the side. He pulls his phone out and stares at the black display. He taps it and hits the buttons but nothing happens. “Fuck. It’s dead.” When the fuck did it die?
Finan grabs it and turns. “I’ll plug it in fer ya.”
Uhtred leans back against Sihtric and the younger man’s hands are suddenly in his hair and on his neck and it feels good. He closes his eyes but it’s just for a moment. He snaps forward, gasping. “Fuck! Lunch! I have to make lunch!”
Sihtric grabs him and pulls him back. He leans down and touches his lips to Uhtred’s ear. “Shhh. The kids are fine. They’ve been fed and the younger ones are napping.”
Uhtred hesitates. “Stiorra?”
“Still pouting in her room.” Sihtric answers.
“Torhte? I don’t think he’s done anything but game since you left.”
“He hasn’t.” Finan says, stepping back into the kitchen. “Some kinda tournament thing. Told ‘im he had t’ take a break t’ eat and hydrate an’ he says it’s almost over. Kid looks jus’ as tired as ye.”
Uhtred sighs deeply and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. You told me I couldn’t do it. I should have listened. I’m sorry I fucked this all up.”
Finan pulls out a chair and leans towards him. He reaches for Uhtred’s hand and pulls it towards him. He presses his lips against his knuckles and smiles. “Uhtred, it wasn’t that we didn’t think ye could. Just that we knew how hard it would be. On the best days, 7 kids is a lot t’ deal wit’ an’ that’s when there’s three of us. Leavin’ jus’ one to deal wit’ all this… I dun think Sitty or I could handle it either.”
Sihtric nods as he leans down. He wraps his arms around Uhtred and presses a kiss to the man’s neck. “And you did fine. They’re all alive and fed and the house didn’t burn down.”
Uhtred can feel their love and sincerity and he can’t stop himself. He’s suddenly crying. He closes his eyes and tries to stop but the tears keep coming. He can feel Finan and Sihtric pressing closer and holding him and it just makes it worse. He’s too tired and exhausted to control himself and he just sobs between them both.
“C’mon.” Finan says, pulling away and standing up. “Let’s get ye int’ bed.” He moves closer as Sihtric pulls out Uhtred’s chair. Finan leans down and hooks his arm under Uhtred’s leg. He picks the crying man up and hefts him easily. He holds Uhtred tight against his chest and turns. Sihtric quickly pushes the chair in and darts around them, heading down the hall in front. Finan follows close behind.
Uhtred sniffs and wipes his eyes as he wraps an arm around Finan’s neck. “Am I fat?”