Chapter Text
"Ugh... what the..." Raph puts his hand to his head, slowly opening his eyes. "Oh, not this again, where're we now?"
"At least we're all in the same room this time," Donnie grunts, pushing himself up. He gasps quietly. "Or... the same... somewhere."
It's not really a room, per say. Just a... space. It's not a blank void, but it's not anything recognizable. It's almost incomprehensible, except for a few things.
There's a rug beneath them. It has the Hamato Clan symbol on it. There's a large TV in front of them. There's a big couch. And they're very much not alone.
Splinter rises to his feet, wincing and holding his own head. Leo gets up a second later, sees his Sensei struggling, and moves to support him. April groans from her spot on the rug, and Donnie rushes to help her stand.
None of them touch the... other, group.
The big one gets up first. "Okay... who poisoned us this time?"
"That was once."
"Once is too many times, Donnie!"
"Raph, shhhh, my head is full of bees."
April blinks. "Are those-"
"At least it's not the '87 ones again," Donnie mumbles. "But, but how did we all-"
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"OHMIGOSH!" The other Mikey suddenly gets into Donnie's face, and boy does it hurt his eyes, because somehow this alternate is still 2D and it's even less comprehensible than their surroundings. If it gets any worse he might succumb to eldritch maddness. "Are you guys... us?!"
"Most likely." Donnie scoots away. "Let me guess. Mikey?"
"YES! I can't believe it! Why do you look so weird?"
"We look weird?" Raph growls and stalks closer to Other Mikey. "You're the ones who're cartoons!"
"Ahem." Big Raph picks Little Raph up by his shell. "Hey, let's not get off on the wrong foot here, okay? Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Raph."
"I'm Raph."
"Okay... uh... is that a problem for you?"
"Raph, don't-" Leo is cut off by Little Raph crossing his arms.
"Yes, it is."
"Okay, uh. I'll be... um..."
"RAPHIE!" Other Leo jumps up on Raphie's back. "Oh, we're so getting the other us to call you Raphie!"
"Fine. Then you're Leon."
"These are just nicknames we already have." Other Donnie dusts himself off. "I shall be... Othello Von Ryan!"
Raph snorts. "yeah, I'm not calling you that."
"He can be Donald." Leon smirks at him.
"Fine! Then Mikey is Angelo!"
"Works for me!"
"Our Splinter gets to stay Splinter," Leo demands.
"Okay." The human girl with them shrugs. "Ours is usually Splints, anyway. I, though, am not changing my name! I am... APRILLLL O'NEIL!" She strikes a pose with her bat.
"What if you go by your full name, and I just go by our first, then?"
"alright, I can get beh- wait. You're me? I got whitewashed? In the year of our lord 2022?"
"Um... for us it's 2012- no, wait, 20... 13? No..."
"It does not matter." Splinter looks around. "Why are we here?"
"Who cares? This TV is the screen of my dreams!" Splints leaps into the couch. "Hehehe, now where is my remote? I want to watch-"
The TV flickers to life, making everyone draw their weapons. Thumping hip-hop music begins to play as the screen shows shots of a dim New York city. It zooms in on a manhole cover, and transitions to sewer pipes.
"Hey! I did not pick this!"
"Wait... that looks like..." Donnie sits down as well. The screen shows a shot of a dojo from the outside, and then Raph's face takes up the screen.
"It's us!" Mikey hops onto the couch, and Angelo plops down right next to him. "Dudes, we're a TV show! Check us outtttt!"
"You guys look so serious." April O'Neil laughs a little as she sits. "Is that just life for you?"
"You have no idea," Leo grumbles.
The training session begins, and Leo is shown running at Mikey. Mikey defends, grinning and bragging as they spar. Angelo's eyes shine as he watches the way Mikey uses his nunchucks.
"Whoa... are you doing that without mystic powers?!"
"Um, yeah? WAIT! Do you have mystic powers?!"
"I sure do!"
"AWESOME!"
"Sheesh, but that Me is lame." Leon kicks his feet up. "The fighting is coo but where are the jokes? The snappy one-liners? The taunts?"
"Just wait," Raph says with a grin. "Trust me, we can't get him to shut up with those sometimes."
"Hey!"
Raphie frowns as Screen Leo hits Mikey in the gut hard enough for Mikey to go down. "Wait, are you guys training there?"
"Yeah. Why? Do you train differently?"
"We usually try not to knock each other out. ... Usually."
Raph eyes his counterpart. "You and I are very different people."
"Is it bad to ask about the voice?" Leon leans over to Leo. "Because you do not have that voice the TV has."
"I got throat damage."
"Riiiight. And... how do throats work in your world?"
"Nardo, hush!" Donald leans forward. "My counterpart is now onscre- what is that? Why-why is your staff made of wood? I have used one and it worked fine, but that was with mystic powers."
"Oooooh, spinny..." Angelo is transfixed as Screen Donnie spins his bo like there's no tomorrow before attacking.
"Trust me, I've tried other weapons." Donnie shrugs. "It's just, familiar and reliable. Plus I uh, add a blade to it sometime after this, since this is pretty clearly the day we were first allowed to go to the surface."
The TV pauses as all of the other more colorful turtles and non-turtles slowly turn to look at them.
"Your first day up there?" Leon's face scrunches. "And... how old are you in this?"
"Fifteen."
Splints leaps to his feet. "You were not allowed on the surface until you were fifteen?! What did you do until then?!"
"Uh, this." Leo gestures at the TV. "And watched shows, too, and read comics!"
"And that's... it?" Raphie looks sick. He looks at Splinter. "Why'd you do that?"
"You will see soon." Splinter sighs. "Perhaps our worlds are very different, if you think it was not needed to hide away."
"Oh, we hid," Splints says. "But I would never force my sons to experience so little in life!"
"You were pretty absent to stop us for a long time, to be fair," Donald chimes in.
"Wha- I was trying not to smother you!"
"We love you anyway, Pops," Angelo says while hugging his father. "But yeah, you didn't pay enough attention to stop us usually."
"By the way, this might be a bad time to mention it, but um, your Splinter sounds like our Shredder. You guys have one of those, right?"
Splinter's eyes go wide. "I- I share a voice with your Oruko Saki?"
"... Okay, so you do..."
"Leon." April moves her hand across her neck.
"What? I'm just saying he- ooooh he's having a panic attack. ... My bad."
Raph growls at Leon. "Well you know what? Your Splinter sounds like an assassin who tries to kill us all the time!"
"What?" Splints looks at the screen again. "But how-"
"Yeah, well, your me sounds like if we gave one of our Foot Enemies a lozenge!" Donald chimes in, backing up his Leon.
"Well you sound like you only eat plain noodles all the time!" Mikey shouts, jumping to his feet.
"You sound like my robot son Shelldon if he was a jerk!"
"HEY, NOBODY TALKS TO MIKEY LIKE THAT BUT ME-"
"ENOUGH!" Splinter rises to his feet, and all of the more colorful group flinch away as memories hit them. He sighs, rubbing his eyes. "Enough. Perhaps, this is why we are here. To help heal some wounds those we share similarities with across worlds have caused. But we will never now if we do not allow this to finish running it's course."
"Fine." Splinters crosses his arms and gets back on the couch. "But I will think you deprived your sons of important experiences."
"I sometimes do as well. But you will see why I had no choice."
The show resumes, and they watch Donnie and Raph spar. Donald leans over and whispers to Donnie, "Is that staff spinning a stim?"
"How did you-"
"You're also on the spectrum?"
"I haven't even told my brothers-"
"Shhhhh. It's okay. I may find you strange and offputting, but we have solidarity in this." he moves back to his seat, slowly, with a slide whistle sound, because he's a 2D cartoon.
"Onegai Shimasu."
"Wait wait wait, you speak Japanese?!" Leon looks over at Leo in amazement. "Did your Splinter actually teach you Japanese?!"
"Yours didn't?"
"We live in the New York sewers! Understanding Japanese was always lower on the list than 'Reading signs that say you will die' and 'This is how you scream for help'!"
The training goes on, and Angelo slowly comes to frown. "Heyyy... why are Mikey and Donnie left out of the fighting?"
"We lost. That's how it goes, bros." Mikey shrugs.
"Well then, how do you learn to work as a team?"
The more muted colored turtles all share looks, and Leo coughs. "We're... constantly improving our teamwork."
"We still suck at it," Raph says bluntly.
Raphie frowns harder as he watches his other self take pride in hurting Leo and then brag about being better. "So... I'm guessing you're not the oldest of your family."
"Nope."
"And you're definitely not the one who protects them all the time."
"Actually, he kinda does. And also beats us up. He does both. ... Bilingual!"
Donnie smacks his face with a groans. "Not what that means, Mikey."
Training ends with Splinter giggling mischievously, and Splints finds himself giggling in a not dissimilar fashion.
And then...
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Teenage Mutant Turtles! Heros in a half shell, turtle power! Here we go it's the lean green ninja team-
"Oh, whoa, dudes! This rocks!" Mikey jumps up and starts dancing, and the entire colorful clan follows.
Leonardo's! The leader in blue, does anything it take to get his ninjas through!
"Wait, you're already the leader?" Leon gapes. "No wonder you're so not-quippy, you're like Raph but more willing to fight us!"
Donatello is a fellow, has a way with machines!
"That's all I get?!" Donnie stands up and points at the screen accusingly. "I do chemistry, bio-chemistry, hacking, half of our planning-"
"I think the lyric is fine." Donald crosses his arms.
Raphael's got the most attitude on the team!
All eyes turn now to Raphie, who seems to be trying to make himself smaller and sweating under all the attention.
"Raph has the most attitude?" Angelo says slowly in disbelief.
"Wow... we drew the best Raph card, didn't we?" Leon pats his older brother on the shoulder. "Thank you for not being giant and temperamental, bossman."
"Can you imagine if our Raph was huge like that?" Mikey whispers to April.
"No... good thing he's small."
"I can hear you, and being short has it's advantages you know!"
Michelangelo! He's one of a kind, and you know just where to find him when it's party time!
"Heck yeah you do, dudes!" Mikey does a spin move on his shell. "Whoo! Party guy, right here!"
"Wow!" Angelo jumps in, trying to copy the moves as exactly as he can.
"STOP!" Donald suddenly goes completely still staring at the screen in... horror. "Are those..."
Leo on the screen cuts two robots in half... and pink brain creatures pop out.
"The Kraang." Leo shrugs. "They were tough at first, but-"
"They're... tiny." Leon is staring as well, stiff as a board and gripping his katanas so tight his green knuckles turn white. "They... they're tiny? And you can cut their suits in half?"
"Yes. ... Why? What are yours-"
"Not tiny." Raph reaches up and covers his eye.
The energy in the room shifts to something... stifling. April shudders, feeling the cold terror and rage and jealousy swirl through her own spirit.
"I don't know if we can watch this," Splints mutters. "My sons, are you..."
"They're easy to beat?" Leon breaths out.
"... For the most part," Leo says softly. "We struggle here at first."
"Do any of you get... do they..."
"... One grabs my face after the first fight," Mikey says, sitting down slowly. April holds her head as the terror increases. "But I get it off really fast!"
"They're basically jokes," Raph says, uncrossing hsi arms and leaning forward. "They talk stupid, and once they're out of those suits they can't do anything. If yours could even speak outside of those suits, they could do more than ours can."
"... Okay." Leon sits back down. "Okay. We can... we can do this guys, right? It's... it's just like making fun of the villains when we're fighting them. Make them little, and they can't hurt us as bad."
"... Right." Angelo sits back down, clinging to Raphie's arm. The rest of the family does the same, Raphie and Leo becoming squished into the center of the huddle.
The other group doesn't ask. It feels... private. The show resumes.
It shows a pile of algae and worms, and Mikey gags. "I can't believe we used to eat that every day."
"You ate that every day?!" Leon, still pale but seemingly comforted by his protective wall of family, gags as well.
"For fifteen long, long years," Donnie says sadly, wincing as he recalls the feeling of worms in his mouth.
"What's the frosting made out of?" "You don't wanna know."
"Mikey?" Angelo looks at him with wide, sad eyes. "Do you not know how to cook real food?"
"Uh, I can blend pizza into a milkshake."
"If we can see each other again when we're out of this weird place, I'm teaching you how to cook. For real."
"Awesome!"
"HAPPY MUTATION DAY!"
"Ooooh, everyone hush now," Donald says, waving a hand. "Origin story time, I love these."
Splints watches, arms crossed, growling. "You just stumbled into it?! I was kidnapped by my girlfriend, and then kidnapped again by my new co-parent and former enemy, and then had to rescue my sons from being turned into weapons against humanity!"
Now the muted colors clan turns to stare.
"Don't worry, that guy is good now!" Angelo says brightly. "He's a lunchperson!"
"You let the genocide-hungry madman work around human children?!" Raph shouts.
"He reformed!" Angelo protests. "He's our other dad now!"
"You guys are messed up!" Raph crosses his arms again and turns to scowl at the TV.
"Go no further! This place is a place where you are not allowed to be in this place! We have been seen in this place by you, so this is not a place that will be left by you!"
The colorful clan's jaws drop.
"Is that... how your Krang talk?" Leon breathes.
"All. The. Time!" Mikey groans in irritation. "It's the worst!"
"I think we'll be okay watching this after all," April O'Neil says with a grin. "Because these guys are nothin'!"
"Wait, you kept the canister?!" Splints laughs. "That- you kept it! That is such a bad memento!"
They watch Splinter speak in riddles about if the turtles are allowed to go to the surface or not. Eventually they break out the Sad Eyes, and he allows them to go up.
"Ha, not as tough as you pretend, huh Little Raph?" April O'Neil smirks.
"If it gets the job done it gets done, I'm not ashamed of that."
"Cuteness powers," Angelo whispers, fistbumping Mikey.
"Whoaaa, that cartoon looks like a Jupiter Jim ripoff!" Leon's eyes sparkle. "I gotta watch all of it, right now!"
"Do you mean that? Because I have all of the VHS tapes!"
"Ugh, VHS tapes? Why do you guys live in the ancient times?"
"More importantly, why are you all in a void doing random fighting moves and poses?" Donald points at the screen.
Donnie shrugs. "How should we know? To us we were just practicing a little extra before going up. It's a TV show, it's not going to represent everything perfectly exact."
They watch Splinter give cliché parental advice, and Splint's expression softens. No matter the world, no matter how absent he can sometimes be, he always wants his boys to be safe.
They watch the turtles climb out of the sewers for the first time, and Leon frowns. "Uh... guys? Why is your New York so... empty?"
"Why wouldn't it be?"
"Um, because it's the city that never sleeps?"
"... What?"
"Your New York is terrible," April O'Neil declares.
They watch Donnie freak out over some computers, and Mikey freak out over some neon lights. Then they see a pizza boy ride up, and Raph scare him.
"The one single living human in your entire New York, and you scared him!" Leon shakes his head. "Who knows when you'll see anyone again in that empty wasteland?!"
"Soon, trust us," Donnie says.
And then they watch the very first time the turtles try pizza.
"You poor, poor souls," Raphie sniffles, genuinely tearing up at how they're frightened of the delicious food at first. "How'd you even survive?!" His family all nod with him, also all tearing up.
"Dudes, I ask myself that same question all the time," Mikey says solemnly."
But the tears disappear as soon as the next shot comes, of them running with their arms sticking straight out behind them. Leon, Donald, Mikey, Raphie, and April all react by choking like they were just gut-punched.
"Are you... Naruto running?" Donald whispers. Is it horror? Awe? Confusion? None can tell.
"What's... Naruto?" Donnie and the others all look lost.
"Ohmigosh," Angelo whispers. "They don't even know."
"This is so funny and so, so sad," Leon says.
"The music is cool, at least," Raphie says, trying so hard not to laugh.
"Guys! Look at that!"
It pans down to a girl and her father-
"AHH!" Donnie hurries to cover April's eyes and ears. "No, uh, haha! This didn't happen, stupid TV show, getting things wrong-"
The colorful clan stares in horror as it zooms in on April, romantic music playing, and then back to Donnie surrounded by hearts and drooling...
"I'm going to be sick," Donald gags. "I- hurk-" He retches over the back of the couch, and April O'Neil stares at Donnie in horror.
"IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO!" Donnie pops his entire body into his shell, steam of embarrassment and mortification rising out. From within comes his echoey protest of "I DON'T EVEN FEEL THAT WAY ANYMORE!"
They watch April and her father clearly about to be kidnapped, and Donnie say to save her while Leo says they were told not to.
"What kind of heartless not-hero are you?!" Raphie exclaims.
"It was our first time ever on the surface! Excuse me for being a little afraid to get into a fight!"
"I thought you wanted to be a hero! Since when do heroes ask for permission?"
"Yeah, you said it, Tiny Me!" Raphie holds out his fist for a bump. With a moment of hesitation, Raph obliges. His fist is tiny as it doinks against Raphie's larger, spikier one, but they both smile afterwards.
Screen Donnie jumps right down to help, and Donald scoffs. "First into battle and you don't even have tech? I don't know if that foolish or brave, no I'm lying it's foolish."
"It was, but I just knew I couldn't let April be kidnapped."
The guys throw her into the back of a van, and Raph is the first to engage with the creepy clearly-not-human men. They watch the absolute disaster of a fight as everyone gets in each other's way. Even with impressive individual skills, they just aren't a team.
"Don't feel too bad," Raphie says as all of the turtles looks away from the screen in shame. "Our first fight was also a disaster."
"Majorly so," Leon agrees. "We got our butts whooped."
They watch Donnie knock a bad guy away, causing April to almost fall. He grabs her and smiles, and she screams! It makes Donnie scream back, dropping her and flinching away!
"Sorry about that, by the way," April says, patting Donnie's hand. "It was just a lot to process in the moment."
"No, no, it's... fine." Donnie pulls his hand away, looks at his three fingers with... some mix of repulsion and a form of grief. "If I were human, I'd scream too."
The colorful clan all frown and narrow their eyes. Angelo stands up. "Dr. Feelings in session."
"What does that-"
Angelo grabs Donnie by the shoulders. "You know you aren't lesser than a human, don't you? We're unique and different, but that doesn't make us anything bad or to be ashamed of. You're an awesome ninja who's first instinct was to save the girl in danger, you're a good person and that's what counts!"
Donnie stares, mouth agape, unable to respond. April giggles, and puts her arm around him.
"He's right, Donnie. Human or not, you're my best friend, and I'm glad to know you."
"B-but-"
"Shush shush shush, sit on it, think about it, let it heal you." Angelo sits back down, earning a fistbump from Donald and Leon.
The fight continues to go badly for them, and April is taken away. Mikey is left alone, with one of the creepy men.
"This is the part, dudes! Once we get into the alley the Kraang pops out! Get ready!"
With narrowed eyes and tense body language, the colorful clan watch. Screen Mikey lashes out with his weapon, and cuts half the face off of the man.
"HOLY HOT SOUP!!!" The entire colorful clan shoot up out of their seats, striken with shock!!!
"YOU CUT A MAN'S FACE OFF!" Angelo screams!
"It was a robot, look!"
"BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!!"
"Neither did we!" Raph looks at Mikey. "Dude, what the heck happened?!"
"I panicked, alright?! Just- whatever, I never did it again!"
Finally, it happens. The Kraang pops out and latches onto Mikey's face, as humorous music plays.
Raphie can't watch, nor can his brothers, but April O'Neil and Splints can. They both shudder in disgust.
Mikey runs out ad tries to tell his brothers what happened, but in his panic he doesn't say the right words immediately, and after that they spend the whole time assuming he's delusional or stupid or just lying.
"You guys are so mean!" Raphie pulls Mikey over to the colorful huddle. "Why would you assume the worst?! And why would the leader slap someone who's panicking?!"
"Look, I admit with hindsight we... didn't react very well here. But we were just tired and annoyed after losing the fight!"
"Not an excuse!" Raphie squeezes Mikey in a hug, making Mikey's eyes big out and knocking the wind out of him. "He's your brother!"
"Don't any of you lie or make things up sometimes and ruin your trust?" Raph growls.
All eyes turn to Donald and Leon.
"Whaaaaat?" Leon chuckles, sweating. "I don't-"
"We're both the evil twin, but I am eviler," Donald says.
Back in the sewer, they watch Splinter scold the team, and the team begin to fight with each other.
"You guys really do suck as a team," Raphie mutters.
"We've gotten better since then," Mikey wheezes.
"Oh, well that's good to- oh my gosh! Have I been crushing you this whole time?!"
"It was kinda nice though."
Screen Splinter takes responsibility for having failed to train them as a team, and says it'll be another year before they try again. Donnie protests, insisting they help the family.
"So you're the heroics-obsessed one in your universe?" Donald looks incredulously at his counterpart.
"No! ... Not-not always! ... M-maybe, sometimes, look most of the time if I don't do something, no-one else will!"
"I feel that," Raphie says, now holding his hand out for a bump from Donnie. Donnie gives him one, while glaring and fuming at Donald.
They watch Splinter consider the words, and look at a photo of himself, a woman, and a baby. Splints gasps.
"You had a family before the boys?"
"... I did." Splinter looks away.
"Why are they with you down there?" Leon asks. Angelo shakes his head.
"Fire sounds," Angelo mouths. Leon blinks, and then looks at Splinter with sympathy.
Splinter appoints Leo the leader, and Raph gets angry.
"It turned out to be the right choice," Raph grumps.
They explain the plan to Mikey, apparently something they did many times before then. While it irritates the others, Mikey remains peppy. It then turns into a slow montage of Donnie and Mikey trying to pass the time. They play paper football, Mikey naps while Donnie tries to jumprope and does poorly at it, and they play I Spy.
"Okay, I'm thinking of something green. Ga-reen, ga-reen!" "...Is it Raphael again?"
"Whoa, what was with the first name use?" Leon calls out.
"And why do you sound so tired?" April O'Neil looks worried. "How many times did Mikey pick Raph?"
"I don't even know. The hours blurred together into sludge," Donnie groans.
"What else would Mikey pick, in that empty nothingness they pretend is New York city? What a complete lack of town," Donald says.
Raph complains about how the villains will never show up, and then they immediately show up. Leo quotes Space Heroes, but everyone else is already down there. He follows, and the turtles surround a man.
"Did Donnie just punch a fist into his open hand?" Leon says, drawing out the words. "Like a schoolyard bully?"
"I was trying to be intimidating!"
"Aim a gun at him."
"I don't have guns!"
"Do you have robots with guns?"
"No! Well, Metalhead had a flamethrower, but... I-I haven't... rebuilt him. ... Yet."
All of the screen turtles try to intimidate the man, and he responds by... firing a gun at them.
"See? I told you."
"Shut it, Donald."
The chase goes about as well as the first right, with Raph being smashed into a building and the man almost getting away if not for Leo throwing a well-aimed (or just very lucky) shuriken. The van crashes, and they surround it. When they open the door...
A canister rolls out.
The glowing blue-and-green liquid makes an odd sound as it rolls to Mikey's feet. He stares at it for a second, and then- "Mom?!"
A sting plays, and the episode ends with a grayscale still.
"Oh, what?!" Donald grabs his head in frustration. "I hate cliffhangers!"
"But... are we supposed to be surprised that the weird robot Krang guys are the same ones? They kind of laid that out for us at the start," Leon says.
Angelo shakes his head. "I think it's supposed to be building the mystery, getting us invested!"
"Well, I certainly am." Splints leans back in his seat. "If only we had snacks!"
Suddenly, several fresh pizzas appear.
"Well, an eating break won't hurt anyone," Raphie says, rubbing his hands together."
"Let me check for poisons," both Donnie and Donald say at the same time.
"I hate that that's what we have most in common so far," Angelo sighs.