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"So, I go to meet Robin at that new bar," Buck said as he slipped into a spare seat at the table. He reached across Chimney to grab the salt cellar and began sprinkling his dinner. "And it's amazing, right? You all need to go there and check it out. Why don't we go for drinks on Saturday?"
"Buck," Hen said, her eyes rolling affectionately. "None of us care about the bar. Tell us about the date."
Buck huffed softly. "But the bar was definitely more interesting than the date."
"Well, that's a shame," Chimney said, plucking the salt back from Buck. "Tell us about it anyway."
"Yeah," Bobby said, passing a dish of roast vegetables to Buck. "We're all in long-term committed, monogamous relationships."
"Not all of us," Eddie grumbled, interrupting.
Bobby ignored him. "Let us live vicariously through you."
A sly, shy smile crept across Buck's face. "Well, what if there's nothing to tell?"
Chimney snorted. "With you, there's always something to tell."
Buck's smile pulled into a full grin, and he shook his head. "It really wasn't that great. Unfortunately, the night ended with us both going home alone."
Eddie scanned Buck's face, dropped his eyes back to his plate. He jabbed his fork with unnecessary force into a stalk of broccoli.
"Come on, Buck. We want details ," Hen said.
"Yeah, even if it all went wrong, there's gotta be a story in there," Chimney added.
"Okay, okay," Buck said, throwing both hands up. "So, Robin and I agreed to meet for a drink. That was all anyway. It was super informal, just a casual drink between two guys."
Eddie choked on his broccoli.
"And maybe we were being too informal?" Buck didn't appear to notice, just kept on talking as the others ate quietly and listened to him – not one of them appeared stunned by the word guys . "Because a few girls interrupted us throughout the night."
"And they were all interested in you, right?" Bobby said, a hint of a smile on his mouth.
"Sorry." Eddie heard himself speak as though it were coming from the other side of the room. "When you said guys , was that like ... a gender-neutral collective term, or ... do you mean a guy-guy ?"
Buck paused, about to answer Bobby's question, and stared at him, confused. "I mean a ... guy-guy."
Eddie glanced around the table, gobsmacked. Everyone else looked back at him, wearing mildly quizzical matching expressions. Eddie cleared his throat lightly, trying to hide his shock. "And this is ... clearly not news to anyone else?"
"Though it clearly is to you," Hen said slowly.
Heat flooded Eddie's face as the weight of everyone's eyes bore down on him. "Uh ... yeah. I didn't realise dating guys was a thing you did."
Buck blinked, his mouth pulling down to speak.
"Oh, right," Chimney said before Buck could get any words out. "We must have had that conversation before you joined us. Pretty hard for us all not to notice back when Buck was sleeping with anyone who moved."
"I wasn't that bad," Buck objected, his neck turning red.
"You were," Bobby said, a sharp glint in his eye.
"How are you two as close as you are, and this has never come up?" Hen asked.
"I didn't realise," Buck said in a halting voice, confusion in every word, "that you didn't already know. I'm open about it. It wasn't like I was keeping it a secret from you, Eddie."
Eddie wanted to say, 'I didn't think that', but the words caught and died on his tongue.
"Well, he knows now," Bobby said. He pointed his knife at Buck. "So, your date was getting pissed off because girls kept interrupting to hit on you, and...?"
Looking flustered, Buck began to stumble over his story again, relaxing into it as he shared the details.
Eddie heard bits of it, but his blood was pounding against his eardrums, muffling the words. The others laughed around him as Buck shared the embarrassing way his date had ended, that guy Robin storming off after spitting in Buck's drink.
"Clearly someone who's not comfortable dating a bisexual," Hen said, compassion in her tone. "That's a shame, I'm sorry for you, Buck."
Eddie glanced up through his eyelashes as Buck shrugged. "It's not the first time I've had a bad date, and it won't be the last," he said with commendable flippancy. His eyes roved towards Eddie again, and he glanced down before they could catch each other's gaze.
<*-*>
The oddness in Eddie was obvious.
At first, Buck had felt a strange flush of hope when he realised Eddie didn't know about his sexuality. Something low and glowing settled in his belly, a wonder if the bond between them had never developed into something more due to a simple lack of knowing it could ... but it sank and died fairly quickly as Buck registered Eddie's obvious discomfort.
He wondered at it, then pushed it aside. Eddie would come around. He might be taken aback, but Buck knew Eddie would never judge him.
He finished telling his story, and pushed the thoughts aside.
<*-*>
They were woken at five am for a call out to a three-alarm fire. By the time they got back, it was past knock-off time and Buck was grateful to get out of the shower and into his civvies to head home.
"Hey."
Buck swivelled towards Eddie's call. "Hey."
Eddie fell into step with him. "Let's go get some breakfast."
Tired, wanting to go home to bed, Buck brightened a little at the suggestion. "Yeah, sounds great."
"Awesome," Eddie murmured. He clapped one hand brusquely against Buck's shoulder.
Eddie was relaxed, his eyes bright but sleepy, and Buck relaxed too. The awkwardness was gone, and he was grateful. There was nothing like a fire to distract from unexpected news.
They walked to a nearby, busy cafe and slid into a booth, sitting across from each other. "So," Eddie said, eyeing the menu. "Guys, huh?"
Buck blinked, a twist of anxiety pulling through his belly. "You, uh. You didn't know," he replied, forcing his voice to stay steady.
"No idea," Eddie said evenly. He looked up at Buck, eyes soft over the top of his menu. "I'm glad I know now."
"You are?"
"Of course," Eddie said. "I hate thinking there are secrets between you and me."
"Oh." Buck grinned slowly. "Well, me too. For the record, it wasn't a secret. I've always been pretty open about it. I guess it just hasn't come up since you joined us. You know, probably because I've been trying not to be that guy anymore."
"Hm," Eddie hummed, eyes lowering back to his menu. A smile touched the corners of his mouth, but he didn't say anything else.
A server came over to take their order, and Buck waited edgily for his coffee. He felt compelled, not for the first time in his life, to fill the silence with words, any words. “You never knew Buck 1.0. He wasn’t a great guy.”
“Buck.” Eddie’s hand rested on the table, slid slightly towards him. “You were always a great guy.”
“You don’t know that,” Buck said, his eyes glued to Eddie’s fingers, shifting vaguely against the tabletop.
“I do though,” Eddie said, not looking at him. “Because I know who you are, Buck. At your core. Your values. Your drives. Those sorts of things don’t change, you just grow into them.”
A smile curved gently onto Buck’s face. “You really think that?”
“I know it,” Eddie said. “I mean, just look at me. I’ve spent most of my life running away from who I am. Running away from anything that scares me. I admire you, Buck.”
Warmth filled Buck’s chest, his heart swelling with joy and affection. “Thanks,” he murmured. “But you know, Eddie. You’re one of the bravest men I’ve ever met. The amount of times you’ve stared death in the face without even blinking … that’s admirable.”
Eddie was quiet for a moment, eyes stuck unmoving at the tabletop. Finally, he said, “I guess there are different kinds of bravery.”
“Yeah,” Buck agreed after a moment, wondering at Eddie’s solemn mood. “I guess there are.”
Silence fell between them for a moment, and their order was delivered. Buck raised his cup to his lips and took a grateful sip.
“I wish you’d told me that you’re bi,” Eddie blurted, sounding exasperated, and Buck nearly did a spit-take.
Eyeing Eddie, a strange discomfort trickled along his spine. Buck picked up his fork and stabbed it into his waffles. “Is it really that big a deal?”
Eddie finally looked up at him. “Well, yeah, Buck. It is a bit. Because all this time, I thought that what I felt was only ever gonna be completely one sided. Now I know there’s a chance … is there a chance?” Eddie’s face went curiously blank, but panic pinched the corners of his eyes as the enormity of what he’d said sank in for them both.
“A … chance?” Buck echoed slowly. “A chance for … what , Eddie?”
Eddie tipped his head to the side, definitely annoyed, clearly uncomfortable. “For us , Buck. To be more than what we are now.”
“More…?”
Drumming his fingertips against the table, Eddie met his eyes with an open, frank stare. He didn’t say anything.
“Eddie … whatever you’re trying to tell me…” Hope soared through Buck’s chest, flew into his throat and choked him for a moment. He forced a deep breath, but his next words were quiet, strangled. “Just tell me .”
Eddie’s face twisted for a moment, and he broke eye contact to stare out the window, his jaw tight. He took a deliberate breath, chose deliberate words, spoke in his matter-of-fact way that told Buck it was especially important. “I – wrongly – assumed you were straight. Now I know you’re not … well, last night I had a lot of time to think about our friendship in a new context. To think about what I want – what I’ve wanted for a long time.” Eddie looked at him again, eyes soft and focused, staring deep, as though into Buck’s very soul. “I want you , Evan. I want us … to be together.”
Buck shivered and swallowed. “You mean in a … gay way?”
Eddie huffed a tiny laugh, his eyes glowing with affection. “I mean in an ‘us’ way, just with a whole lot more body-contact.” He smiled, questioningly. “If it’s what you also want.”
Buck took a few unsteady breaths, confused by what Eddie was admitting. “I had no idea you … felt that way. About me.”
Eddie arched a self-derisive eyebrow, a wry smile tugging one side of his mouth. “I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to jeopardise what we have by weirding you out. But now I know that there’s a chance all those little looks and words and gestures might mean you actually feel the same way? I have to take that chance, Buck.”
Eddie’s hand was still on the table. Without hesitating, Buck reached over and covered it with his own. Eddie’s fingers were warm, shifted against his palm. A thousand thoughts clamoured in his head, but Buck couldn’t think of a thing to say.
Lowly, Eddie murmured, “You’re not saying anything, Buck.”
Buck tightened his grip on Eddie’s hand, turned it beneath his own until their fingers were tangled together. “You’ve left me speechless,” he finally whispered. “Eddie … I’ve been doing the exact same thing. Hell, I’ve been doing it since the day we met. I want us to be together, too.”
Buck heard Eddie swallow, hard, and their eyes met again, searching for sincerity. A grin blossomed slowly on Eddie’s face. “Really?”
“Definitely.”
“So … what do we do now?”
An image of them launching across the table to ravish each other flashed brilliantly across Buck’s mind, and most of him wanted to give into it – to push his waffles out the way, put his syrupy fingers in Eddie’s mouth – he resisted it. “I’m not so hungry anymore,” he said. “Why don’t we get out of here?”
Eyes widening, Eddie’s tongue darted across his lips, and he nodded.
<*-*>
“Christopher should already be at school,” Eddie said as he led the way into his apartment. Buck was a whole two feet behind him, too far away.
“Yeah, of course,” Buck said, following him into the empty home.
It felt cavernous and echoing, just the two of them there. Eddie had never felt that way before, but everything had spun on its head in the last few hours.
Buck pushed the front door shut, slid the locks into place, and shifted his weight nervously.
Eddie wanted to kiss him. He didn’t know if he could.
They had been friends for so long. Everything was abruptly different. It was uncharted territory.
“D’you wanna drink?” Eddie heard himself blurt.
“Ah … nah,” Buck stammered. “I don’t think that’ll help things.”
Eddie stared at him, noting the pink flush in Buck’s neck, the tension in his muscles. Suddenly, he laughed. “What are we doing? It shouldn’t be this awkward between us.”
“You’re right,” Buck agreed, too quickly. Then he smiled, a self-deprecating smile. “Maybe we need to just … do it.”
Eddie raised his eyebrows. “Do it?”
“Kiss,” Buck clarified, his ears glowing red.
“Oh.”
Buck took a step towards him, looking curious. “Have you ever done it before? Been with a guy, I mean? What’s your orientation?”
Eddie grimaced slightly. “I don’t have a label, Buck,” he said with a touch of impatience, annoyed by the question without knowing why. “I just like you . And yeah, there was a guy once, when I was in high school. I liked him, too.”
“Okay,” Buck said, moving nearer. Eddie stayed where he was, let Buck come to him. He had started this, he had wanted this for years. Now it was right at his fingertips but he couldn’t reach out and grab it.
Buck’s hand slid around his shoulder, jostled him slightly before pulling him in. Eddie stumbled forwards a step, and found himself chest-to-chest with Buck. His breath hitched in his throat.
Buck leaned in slightly, then hesitated. They hovered against each other, sharing one breath, neither of them moving … and then Eddie snapped, “Oh for fuck’s sake!”
Curling one hand into Buck’s hair, he yanked him down and kissed him.
Buck tasted like maple from the syrup on his barely-touched breakfast, and he met Eddie’s kiss with fire. The tension between them snapped like elastic, Buck grabbing Eddie with both hands and surging towards him, pulling him into a desperate hug as he stole the air from Eddie’s lungs with the force of his kiss.
Pressing forwards, Eddie met Buck’s passion with his own, clinging to him with both hands as he chased the sweetness on Buck’s tongue.
Desire crackled between them, scorching away the awkwardness and replacing it instead with the thrilling ache of finally acting on years of wanting.
“Bed?” Buck gasped against Eddie’s lips.
“Couch,” he grunted back, tugging Buck towards the lounge. He hit the armrest and toppled over it, dragging Buck down with him. They landed in an awkward tangle of breathless limbs.
Buck stared down at him. “Good thing we came here then,” he said. “Since I don’t have a couch.”
“You can have mine,” Eddie murmured back. “That’s how it works with you, right?”
Buck laughed softly, the feel of his breath dusting Eddie’s skin. He revelled in it, the closeness he thought he would never have. It was there, waiting and real and all for him.
Eddie pressed one palm to Buck’s cheek. “I love you, Evan Buckley.”
A wide grin broke across Buck’s face. “I love you too, Eddie Diaz.”
Softly, Eddie smiled, catching Buck’s eyes with his own as warmth bloomed in his chest. He teased happily, “‘Just doing it’ was a great suggestion.”
Buck beamed and leaned down to kiss him again, murmuring against his lips, “Let’s just do a little more.”