Chapter Text
Regulus could feel the beginning of a pretty bad cough forming in his throat. It was growing in a way that Regulus knew wouldn’t be any good. He waited until his professor, Slughorn, looked in his direction as he was teaching. He quickly pointed towards the exit, and when Slughorn nodded, Regulus made his way out of the classroom. He checked for anyone else in the hallway before practically sprinting down the corridor to the nearest bathroom.
As he swung the bathroom door closed behind him, he flicked a silencing charm at it. He took a few deep breaths before the coughing started. Regulus coughed, and he just kept coughing. When he started feeling mucus coming up his throat, he slowly made his way over to one of the sinks. He continued coughing as he began spitting the mucus into the sink. It continued for so long that Regulus was beginning to shake. His throat burned as his body continuously rocked with coughs.
After what felt like forever, the coughing settled down, and Regulus gently set his head against the edge of the cold porcelain sink. He turned the water on without looking up. He slowly caught his breath, and when he no longer felt like he was suffocating, he looked up. He starred in the mirror. Nothing that he looked at particularly stood out, but to him, all he could see was his sickness.
Regulus Black was born to the Noble and Ancient House of Black. That means he was always held to the highest standards. Unfortunately for Regulus, he has been failing to meet them since he was born. From what he knew, he was always a fussy baby. When he was four months old, his parents, Orion and Walburga Black, finally found out why. He was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis then he immediately became the house elf Kreacher’s responsibility.
Regulus had no memories of warmth as a young child. The earliest thing he can remember is the repeated motion of his treatment. In which Kreacher would continuously pat his chest, trying to loosen to mucus that would eventually kill him. Those were the earliest memories that Regulus had.
The next thing he remembers is his brother, Sirius Black, who became his caretaker when Regulus was five. Sirius himself was only six when he had begun giving Regulus his treatments instead of Kreacher, who needed to take care of their parents instead. Regulus remembered that a lot better. He remembered Sirius’s gentle words as he would gather up Regulus’s pills. Sirius would sit with Regulus as he wore his vest that shook his chest and acted as Kreacher’s repeated patting. Sirius would gently explain some of Regulus’ sickness to him, only things that would not scare a young child. Sirius eventually had to go off to Hogwarts, and he started teaching Regulus how to take care of himself about a month before he had to leave.
Regulus stopped doing his vest treatments for the first few weeks after Sirius left. He hated that Sirius wouldn’t be there with him during them, so he did the only part he deemed necessary. That was until Regulus woke up one morning coughing up tons of mucus and unable to catch his breath. He had his first panic attack that morning. That was also when Regulus learned, completely on his own, that his condition was serious, that it could actually kill him.
As soon as Regulus got into his dorm that afternoon, he walked over to his oxygen equipment. He grabbed the charmed container of oxygen that his personal doctor had given to him before he came back this year, and it supplies him with clean air at all times. He quickly looked that up to a new nasal cannula, and he brought the container over to his bed.
He laid the oxygen container on the nightstand next to his bed. Then he slipped the nasal cannula over his ears and lined it up correctly. He took a few deep breaths before laying back, and he stared up at the ceiling. He heard Barty and Evan walk in, and he absently waved toward them.
Walburga and Orion had explained that no one knew about Regulus’s “problem” before they sent him off to Hogwarts. They basically threatened Regulus to keep his illness to himself. They stated that his illness being known would embarrass the family. Over that year without Sirius, he also began using a nebulizer which administrates certain medicines as vapor mists. When Regulus finally got to Hogwarts, he stopped doing both his vest treatments and his nebulizer. He was scared that Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier, his dormitory mates, would spread his secret.
Regulus knew the risks. He knew that it could get bad again, but he was terrified of what his parents would do if people learned that Regulus was sick. Regulus just locked himself in the bathroom the first day it got bad. It was about a month into his time at Hogwarts. He spent an hour coughing his lungs into the toilet and sat there frozen afterwards. His mind whorled with anxiety, but the fear of his parents outweighed whatever his sickness could, and clearly would, do to him. Barty and Evan had questions when Regulus locked himself in the bathroom for two hours each day for three days. Regulus didn’t answer them though.
The fourth day was the worst. Regulus woke up gasping for air. He shot up, and he frantically looked for anything that could help. Evan was the first thing that stood out to Regulus. Evan looked like he was terrified as Regulus stumbled up to him. Regulus clung to Evan as he led Regulus somewhere. He wasn’t sure where, but he hoped it was somewhere that could allow him breathe again. He choked on mucus and air the whole time they walked. It wasn’t until Evan nudged him through the door to the Hospital Ward that Regulus realized where they had been going. He gave Evan a scared look, but Madam Pomfrey was there sooner than he could try and make his escape.
Regulus had been put on oxygen, and he told Pomfrey about his diagnosis under the threat of his parents being contacted. After that, Barty and Evan had demanded explanations, and they got one. They practically swore themselves to secrecy, and Pomfrey looked into Regulus’s illness.
Regulus learned that day that it was a chronic illness that he suffered from. He also learned that there was no actual cure muggle or magical. He learned that his life span was estimated to be 15, and if he was exposed to almost any muggle or magical illness, his survival rate is much, much lower than any others his age. That day Regulus’s life cracked in half in a way Regulus wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to repair.
Regulus had timidly pulled Sirius away from his friends about a week after that, and he whispered to his brother all that Madam Pomfrey had told him. That’s when Sirius revealed that he knew most of it. Sirius knew that Regulus was royally fucked for life, and he never told Regulus. The only reason Regulus didn’t get upset with him is because the one thing Sirius hadn’t known was that his estimated lifetime had gone from 28 to 15. That had caused Sirius to not be able to look into Regulus’s eyes. Sirius’s voice seemed to be catching in his throat. He had left with tears in his eyes and a promise to always be there for Regulus.
Regulus heard Barty and Evan walking about the room, and Regulus knew he had homework he needed to do. Suddenly, Barty was in his field of vision, and Regulus’s eyes were locked on him. “Hi, you fucking corpse, get up. We have a potions essay, due tomorrow. Slughorn talked about it when you were gone,” Barty explained. He gently pulled Regulus into a seated position. Regulus rolled his eyes, and he moved to lean against the wall behind his bed. He took deep breaths of the oxygen as Barty and Evan collected Regulus randomly discarded school materials.
They worked on the potions essay for what felt like hours. Regulus’s hands were shaking ever so slightly the entire time, and at one point, he was focused more on taking deep breaths than he was on what supposed to be writing. When Regulus stopped being able to even attempt to focus, he started on his treatment. He grabbed his oxygen container along with one of Evan’s extra school bags. He slipped the container in there, and he put the strap across his chest.
He went over and began getting out his collection of pills. He’s supposed to take five pills in the mornings, two at lunch, four in the afternoon, and seven pills at night. He was getting out the select four pills. The amount of pills has slowly increased over the years. He downed them with a glass of water that Barty had handed him.
When he looked back, Evan was getting his vest ready, and Barty had been getting a cup of water ready on the nightstand. Regulus can’t help the smile that slipped on his face.
Barty and Evan had started helping Regulus with the easy things in their third year. Regulus can’t help but feel cared for when they do help him. Regulus always does his own medications though.
Regulus sat down on his bed, and he slipped the bag back off his shoulders. He put it next to his pillow, and he felt one of his friends carefully remove the nasal cannula from his face. He looked behind himself to see Evan with it in his hands. He gave his best friend a small smile. He slipped on his vest, and Barty connected his vest to all the other tubes. He carefully measured his liquid medicines out as Barty did that. He turned on his nebulizer as Barty turned on his vest. Evan had instantly casted a silencing charm on the vest, as it was pretty loud.
Regulus sat there while his friends planned chess and exploding snaps. He watched, and he made fun of them. He did nothing except breath his medicines as well as spitting up mucus. After the treatment was finally done, Regulus felt exhausted. Barty took his things and carefully took them apart as Evan gave him his oxygen back. Regulus was always extremely shaky after his treatments.
About an hour later, Regulus slipped off his oxygen container, and they made their way down to dinner. Usually, Regulus would be less shaky by dinner, but that was definitely not happening this time. Regulus was still so shaken that he was holding his fork extremely tightly as to not drop it. He felt the other Slytherin’s stares, and his chest constricted. His mind started wondering.
It was weird that the mind can make itself believe things with absolutely no reasoning behind it.
There was no evidence that anyone knew about Regulus’s illness, but he couldn’t help believing it as he tried making absolutely no sound. He tried to lower his breathing, so they can’t possibly hear the build up of mucus in there. He can’t help rapidly looking at all of the people around him’s faces, looking for any sign that they know.
Regulus almost jumped out of his seat when Evan gently laid his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “You need to eat, Reg,” Evan’s voice was quiet and gentle. Regulus poked at his food before forcing small bites into his mouth. As he forced himself to eat, his mind drifted away again. Regulus began thinking, and that’s not always a good thing.
He’s solely living off medicine. The only reason he’s alive is because he takes so many different kinds of medicine. His whole life purpose at this point is to not bring shame to the Black family and to keep doing his treatments. His lungs are still working solely so he can take more medicine. Even though he is taking everything at the right time, even though he hasn't missed his treatments at all since he started at Hogwarts, it’s still getting worse. He can tell in the way he’s so slow to recover after his treatments. He can see it in the way he coughs up mucus like it’s his only purpose in life, even after doing his vest treatments. He can tell his time is getting closer; he’s 15 now. It makes sense.
“Reg, come on, we’re leaving,” Barty whispered in his ear, cutting off Regulus’s thoughts. Regulus could suddenly see his very obviously shaking hands. He tucked them in his robe pockets as he got up to follow Barty and Evan. He listened quietly to their conversation as they walked back.
When they were almost to their common room, Barty stopped Evan by holding out his hand. He then turned to Regulus, and he whispered, “Should we take a trip up to Madam Pomfrey, Reg? Be honest. Do you think it’s getting worse?” Barty’s voice was so soft and caring that Regulus nodded without meaning to. He sighed as they quickly turned around, but he made no effort to leave them. He silently cursed himself for not thinking before he acted, but he knew he needed the visit.
Barty and Evan waited outside as Pomfrey connected him to oxygen before even beginning to cast all the medical spells over him. He was thankful for it too. It felt cleaner, despite the fact Regulus would never actually feel the difference.
When Pomfrey actually performed the spell however, she left the room rather quickly. Regulus was left alone for a few minutes, completely confused. He waited until Pomfrey came back, and he was shocked to see a redness around her eyes that hadn’t been there before. “I’m sorry, Regulus, my sudden departure was not professional,” Pomfrey apologized. Regulus just looked at her with confusion. Anxiety began swirling in his stomach. Shit.
“I know you want an explanation, so I will keep it brief,” Pomfrey’s eyes flicked away from Regulus, “Your treatments are not working as they should be. As a doctor, I have to inform your parents to see what the next step for you will be, but it is getting worse. Something will have to be done, and I have registered your name to be considered for lung transplant if your parents choose that dir-“ Regulus cut off her sentence.
“You’re telling me this all depends on what my parents believe is best? You’re joking; you’re actually kidding with me right now?” Regulus silently pleaded to Pomfrey, but he could see the sadness in her gaze. Tears filled Regulus’s eyes. “It’ll be impossible. You do realize that my parents would never let me have someone else’s lungs unless they were up to their standards. Their impossible standards.” Regulus’ voice had caught slightly. The tears that had gathered in his eye began to fall when Pomfrey gave him a sad smile.
“We can’t do anything without their permission,” Pomfrey stated.
His chest ached. “I’m going to die,” Regulus whispered. It was so quiet that Regulus wasn’t even sure that Pomfrey heard it. That was until a small sob escaped her lips. In seconds, Pomfrey turned away from Regulus. She stayed like that for a few minutes, and Regulus just stared at her through tears.
“I’m sorry, Regulus,” Pomfrey whispered as she turned back. Her eyes were red, but there were no tear tracks. “I can’t do much more.” Pomfrey sounded so sad about it that Regulus felt bad that he had said anything about it. “You need to come back here at least weekly. I need to make sure it doesn’t get any worse. If it does, you’ll need to be hospitalized,” Pomfrey explained like the doctor she was. Regulus nodded. He wouldn’t be able to deny her anything right now. “Okay, I’ll go send your friends in.” She didn’t wait for an answer; she just walked away. Regulus quickly began wiping away his own tears as he waited for his friends to come.
They had cried. That was something that Regulus wasn’t used to seeing. It felt unnatural to see Barty and Evan, his rocks, cry. They had hugged him longer than they ever have before.
“She can’t be serious! You know nothing will happen if it’s up to your family,” Evan stated, angry. Regulus just shook his head and shrugged.
“Regulus,” Barty whispered. It was a pained whisper, and Regulus wanted to unhear it. His chest ached once more as he looked at his best friend. “Can Sirius do anything?” Regulus choked on his breath. Sirius. They haven’t spoken about him since he ran away, leaving Regulus alone in that stupid fucking house. Sirius.
“I don’t know,” Regulus whispered. He didn’t try to ask. He hadn’t even thought about it. “I wouldn’t even know who to ask that of him,” Regulus stated. His brother and him haven’t talked since the beginning of the year.
“You need to. That’s your best option,” Evan stated, apparently believing Barty is correct. Regulus was cut off by his curtain opening. Regulus was surprised by the way Barty and Evan were covering him from view in seconds.
“I brought you snacks, Remus! Peter and Sirius almost got caught by-“ James looked up from his bag, apparently full of snacks, and he froze. Regulus couldn’t see James face, but if he had to guess, he would assume he’d see panic.
“Get out, Potter,” Barty sneered. Regulus simply held his breath as his best friends hid him. “I’m serious.”
“Who’s-“ James began, but he was swiftly cut off by Evan.
“None of your business,” Evan spat. Nothing likely would have changed had James just closed the curtains, but of course, that’s not what happened.
“James, why aren’t you going in?” Came Sirius’s voice. Regulus froze, and he could tell his friends were trying not to react. Shit, shit, shit, shit.
“Sirius, I-“ James began as he started to turn around. He was cut off by Sirius barging through the curtains.
“Remus, you won’t believe-“ Sirius froze similarly to how James had. Apparently, James realized that he should close the curtains because Regulus can hear them shaking shut.
“You both need to get out, now. If you guys hang around any longer, we will cause you both to have beds right next to Lupin.” Barty’s threat rang out in the room. There were a few moments where nothing was said and nobody moved.
“Who are you hiding?” Sirius whispered. His voice was choked and it cracked. Regulus felt his own heart constrict. “What happened to him?” Sirius asked without his other question being answered. Regulus was moving before he finished thinking it through. He gently pushed Barty and Evan aside, and he locked eyes with Sirius. He watched as Sirius’s eyes flickered down to his nasal cannula. Right, Sirius had left before he was put on oxygen practically full time.
He didn’t speak as Sirius’s eyes bounced all around him. He waited for his brother to speak up. “Did you get sick, Reg?” Sirius whispered. He looked so worried. Regulus’s heart squeezed at the nickname.
“Nope, just getting- worse. The- the treatments aren’t working,” Regulus admitted. He watched Sirius’s eyes widen. Barty and Evan looked like they wanted to do something, but they held back. Regulus nodded ever so slightly when Sirius took a step forward. In a few seconds, he was in Sirius’s arms.
Regulus relaxed in his brother’s arms. He smelled different, but it was a good different. His hugs were just as good as they used to be. Sirius seemed unable to hold still. He was shifting and pulling on Regulus, and Regulus let him. “Sirius, what’s happening?” James’s voice hung in the air. Regulus squeezed his brother harder.
“James-“
“My treatment plans are up to Mother and Father,” Regulus whispered in Sirius’s ear, cutting him off. Sirius’s grip on him tightened instantly.
“That’s not fair,” Sirius's voice was low, but it was not low enough for the others not to hear. “You’re kidding right?” Regulus pulled back slightly from his brother. He shook his head ever so slightly. “No. They probably don’t even know what your diagnosis is!” Regulus winced ever so slightly.
“Could-“ Regulus swallowed. He briefly glanced at his friends. “Do you think you would be able to make those decisions instead?” Regulus watched surprise flicker across Sirius’s face. His brother opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by a new voice calling out.
“Guys? Where are you? I’m with Remus!” Peter called out. Sirius looked over to James. Regulus watched as Sirius quickly shooed James out to Peter with a rushed promise to explain later.
“Reg, I don’t know if I could. I’m not your guardian.” Regulus felt his heart crack a little bit. “I’ll go talk to Pomfrey though,” Sirius stated. He seemed upset. After he stopped talking, he almost instantly got up and left to find Madam Pomfrey. Regulus looked to his friends, and he held his arms out. Barty and Evan were quickly to come to him. They hugged for a long time. They kept hugging until Barty finally got uncomfortable enough to break away. They don’t do hugs often.
Sirius didn’t come back for a while.