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If you had told Kate Kane a month ago that she'd be spending her Halloween dressed as Buttercup from The Powerpuff Girls with her cousins as Bubbles and Blossom and her cousin's "maybe girlfriend" as The Professor, she probably would have thought you were tripping. Alas, she was a sucker for Bette, and if her five-year-old cousin wanted her to be Buttercup, then damn it, she'd be Buttercup.
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Uncle Arthur: Hey Katie. I've got a really weird question, but you've got to hear me out.
Kate: Go on
Uncle Arthur: Bette REALLY wants to be Bubbles for Halloween, but none of her friends want to dress up as the other Powerpuff Girls with her. I told her I'd ask around and...
Uncle Arthur: I'm not going to lie, Katie, I'm desperate for people to dress up with her. You can be whichever sister you want, just PLEASE go trick-or-treating with Bette
Kate: I want to be Buttercup
Kate: Whos gonna be Blossom
Uncle Arthur: I was thinking of asking Bruce, but you know how rarely he goes out.
Kate: Oh, don't you worry. I'll get Bruce to dress up, I promise you
Uncle Arthur: Katie, you're a lifesaver. Thank you SO much!
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Part of Kate really did just want to have Bruce dress up as Blossom for Bette's sake, but another part of her couldn't help but think of all the potential blackmail photos that she could get from that night. And so, she found herself pacing on Bruce's doorstep, waiting for someone to open the damn door. It was as cold as the ninth circle of Hell in Gotham, but no, Kate was fine. She didn't want to be warm or comfortable. That would be ridiculous. She was perfectly okay with pacing on her asshole of a cousin's doorst-
"Kate?" Bruce Wayne, her slightly older and much angstier cousin, opened the door with a confused look on his face.
"About time, Bruce! Do you know how cold it is out here?" Kate pushed past him, not waiting for an invitation to come into his home. "Thirty-nine degrees, Bruce. It is thirty-nine degrees outside,"
"Uhm..." Bruce was at a bit of a loss for words; Kate seldom made house calls. She made her way to the nearest living room and plopped down on a truly hideous floral-patterned couch. She looked up at him, smiled as innocently as possible, and gestured for him to sit. Naturally, he did not. Kate rolled her eyes and dove straight into her proposal.
"Do you have Halloween plans?"
Bruce squinted at her, "Yes,"
"Liar,"
"I do have plans!" Bruce exclaimed indignantly. It was Kate's turn to squint at him.
"Really?" she asked dryly.
"Yes! I'm watching movies with my-" he cut himself off and thought for a moment. "girlfriend?"
"You don't sound too sure there, champ." Despite her sarcasm, Kate was intrigued. How could Bruce, who barely left his house, get a girlfriend? She couldn't even get a girlfriend, and believe her, she was trying very hard.
"She's my... I don't know. I think we're dating?"
"Does this 'maybe-girlfriend' have a name?"
"I'm Selina," a new voice joined the conversation. Bruce and Kate whipped around to see a rather short girl leaning against the doorframe. Kate's mouth dropped open. Not only was Bruce's "maybe girlfriend" real, but she was probably the most beautiful woman Kate had ever seen. She grabbed a floral-patterned pillow (that badly clashed with the couch's pattern) and threw it at Bruce. He stared at her for a few seconds, baffled. Selina was giggling from her place by the door. Kate stared at her because, really, how did Bruce even find this absolute model of a woman, when she was smacked with the pillow she had thrown at Bruce.
"Bitch!" she yelled at him. He threw his hands up in defense.
"You threw it first!"
"You didn't tell me you were maybe-dating the most stunning woman I've ever fucking seen!" She stood up and walked over to Selina, extending her hand. "Hi, I'm Katherine Kane. I'm Bruce's taller and much better-looking cousin."
"Kate," Bruce sounded absolutely exasperated.
"Not now, Bruce, I'm wooing your maybe-girlfriend." Selina snorted and shook Kate's hand.
"Nice to meet you, Kate," she turned to look at Bruce and asked, "Maybe-girlfriend?"
He buried his head in his hands and groaned. Selina just raised an eyebrow and waited while Bruce stewed in his misery. "I said I had Halloween plans with you and I didn't know if we're actually dating, so Kate has dubbed you as my 'maybe-girlfriend.'"
Bruce stood awkwardly, and Kate rolled her eyes, over his dramatics. She sat back down on the couch, and Selina made her way to a matching chair on the other side of the room, next to the fireplace. They remained in silence for a minute or two. Kate realized she had strayed too far from her mission of getting Bruce to be Blossom. Suddenly, she was struck with an idea and broke the silence.
"So, Selina. Bruce here tells me that you two were planning on watching movies on Halloween." Selina nodded. "Well, have I got a proposition for you. You see, Bruce and I have a five-year-old cousin named Bette. She's an angel, really, and she wants to be Bubbles from The Powerpuff Girls for Halloween. Only problem is that none of her friends wanted to dress up as the other girls with her."
"How dare they," Selina said.
"I know, right? Well, our uncle Arthur asked me to be Buttercup and wanted my dear cousin Bruce to be Blossom. I was going to ask him to come trick-or-treating with us when we got on the girlfriend tangent." Kate explained. Selina was still nodding along.
"Sorry about that."
"I'm sorry," Bruce interrupted. "You want me to skip watching movies in my warm house with my... girlfriend... to go trick-or-treating in a Blossom costume while freezing my ass off?"
Kate patted his arm in fake sympathy. This was where her stroke of genius would come in; there was no way he'd say no. "You see, Bruce, Selina can come with us!"
"Can I be The Professor?" the girl in question asked excitedly.
"Of course you can! Bruce, Selina wants to go trick-or-treating with me and Bette. You can't just ditch your favorite cousins and your maybe-girlfriend for some movies!" Bruce looked at Kate like he wanted to bash his head against a wall. He stared at the two girls and sighed. Kate knew she was getting exactly what she wanted. After a bit more weaseling (and Kate promising to give him twenty dollars) from Kate and her new beautiful best friend, Bruce agreed.
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Kate: GREAT NEWS UNCLE ARTHUR BRUCE AGREED TO BE BLOSSOM
Uncle Arthur: Really?! This is great news! Bette will be over the moon!
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They looked amazing. Well, Bette looked amazing. She was bouncing off the walls with excitement because "I'M BUBBLES, KATIE!! LOOK!!" Kate, dressed in green, sighed. Bruce and Selina should have been at Bette's house ten minutes ago, but they were apparently running late.
To pass the time, Kate and Bette were playing with Barbies, with a much more complicated storyline than Kate had been expecting. The doll Kate was holding was named Jennifer, and she was on her sixth marriage and fifth child, according to Bette. They were in the middle of Jennifer's sixth divorce when Bruce and Selina appeared in Bette's bedroom doorway.
Kate couldn't help but laugh at Bruce's outfit and his obvious discomfort. He was in a bright pink dress and had a large red bow clipped into his hair. Bette squealed and ran up to hug her cousin. "YOU LOOK LIKE BLOSSOM!" she yelled, pure joy in her voice. Bruce smiled a bit and nodded.
"I guess I do. Are you ready to go trick-or-treating, Betty?" In response, Bette grabbed her light blue plastic pumpkin pail off of the floor and marched toward the front door; the three teenagers followed her dutifully. Halfway down the stairs, Bette realized that there was another person walking with her and her cousins.
"Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm Selina, Bruce's girlfriend," Selina said sweetly. Glad they figured that out, Kate thought. Bette made a face at the word "girlfriend," though.
"Ewwww," she said, in all of her kindergarten honesty.
"I know, right?" Selina laughed. "He and Kate asked me to dress up as The Professor and go trick-or-treating with you. Is that okay?" Bette thought for a moment and nodded. She then resumed her march to the front door, determined not to miss out on any houses before her bedtime.
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Eleven houses in, Bette received a green jumbo sticky hand and had been a menace ever since. She kept trying to get Bruce's bow off his head, but only succeeded in slapping his back many, many times. Once they reached house number seventeen, Kate stepped in and confiscated the toy. Granted, she proceeded to slap Bruce as well, but not nearly as often. She had self-control.
After house number twenty, Selina had been handed the pumpkin pail because it was too heavy for Bette. The little girl was making out like a bandit this year, candy-wise. Their group was also getting many compliments from parents, saying how nice it was that they dressed up with their little sister. Bruce and Selina's faces at the "siblings" comment made Kate laugh every time.
It was clear that by house number thirty-two, Bette was dead on her feet. They had done a lot of walking, and Bette's bedtime was quickly approaching. She was determined to keep going, but Kate could see how tired she was. She tapped Bruce on the arm and mimed a pick-up motion, then pointed to Bette. He nodded and scooped up his baby cousin.
"Nooo," she whined, attempting to twist out of his arms.
"Yes," he simply said back. Bette easily gave up and threw her arms around Bruce's neck and burrowed her head against his chest. Selina smiled softly at the interaction, and Kate took out her phone to snap what must have been her two-hundredth blackmail photo of Bruce. Bette kept her eyes open for about half of the walk before giving into sleep.
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Bette had been put to bed by her father while the three teens stood in the kitchen picking through her candy bucket, taking some for themselves.
"I want my twenty dollars," Bruce mumbled. Kate had not actually been planning on giving him twenty dollars, but she luckily had something in her wallet just for this moment. She dug around until she found it: a fake twenty with her face where former United States president Andrew Jackson's face should have been. She folded the bill and promptly raced out of the house before Bruce could discover it wasn't real. As she drove off, she saw Bruce run out onto the stoop with Selina cackling behind him.
Loser, she thought, grinning to herself. It had been a good Halloween.