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Price sent him on leave.
After all this thing with missiles, Hassan, Shepherd, Shadow Company, Las Almas and El Sin Nombre for some reason Ghost and Soap got the longest leave.
He was sent home, he forgot where it was at all, then he remembered he had a place in Birmingham. He only had this apartment because he had to have something for just such incidents.
Ghost didn't take it well, he’s the man of action, he hated when he actually had time to think about things. Because all the bad things pop right into his head. So he asked Price to cut short his leave, but no, Price said Riley needs it.
Since he’s in this apartment, he only left it once, take out the trash and buy alcohol and cigarettes. When he eats something, he orders it, not that he is particularly hungry. His diet is terrible, even compared to what they give in the base, or those MRE ready to eat meals.
He hates every minute of his leave. He wants to shoot himself in the head or jump out of the window all the time. He has no idea what to do with himself, the only thing he ever figured out was that he'd made shield of one of the walls to throw knives at.
After a few days, somehow in the afternoon someone rings at his door. He wasn’t expecting anyone, so he immediately grabbed his gun. Ghost silently walked to the door and peered through the door peephole. What he saw, or rather whom, on the other side, quite surprised him.
He opened the door without hesitating and said smirking under his balaclava „What are you doing here, you bastard?”
Soap grinned broadly „I wanted to see you, that's all. Captain Price gave me your address”
Johnny wanted to see him? It made Riley feel something strange, but pleasantly strange. However, his suspicion didn’t die down.
„You just wanted to see me? Why?”
MacTavish shrugged „We both got the longest leave. Let's say I was bored and decided to visit you, see how you’re holding up. And I have to say I didn't think you were really wearing a mask when you're off duty”
Ghost gave a short laugh at it.
„Wanna go inside?” the taller one asked.
„Aye”
Johnny entered the apartment and Ghost closed the door behind him. Soap looked good, much better than Ghost who looked like he lived in a fucking squat. The shorter one was wearing a dark hoodie, a leather jacket and jeans, the classic always looks the best. Riley was wearing a hoodie that was about ten years old and looked like it was about to fall apart, gray sweatpants that served as his pajamas, black long socks and of course his lovely balaclava, just like the ones the Ghosts team were wearing when they reclaiming Alejandro's base.
„You know, I didn't come empty-handed” Johnny spoke up.
He smirked and took a large bottle of Bourbon out of his jacket.
They started drinking and figured they were going to have a knife throwing contest. For a hit closest to the center of the wall, they drank a whole glass at once. A bit further, half a glass, far away, they didn't drink any. When the bourbon was over, they started drinking whatever they found in the kitchen.
They were having a good time, but before midnight Soap passed out on the couch. Ghost wasn’t in any better shape so he dragged himself to bed.
In the back of his head something tells him not to fall asleep, but he has too much alcohol in his system to worry about it. So he does it like a normal human being. He drifts off into a blissful sleep, forgetting what the consequences of it will be.
When he opens his eyes, everything is black. Simon stretch his hand in front of himself, but it is immediately blocked by something wooden. He realizes right away that he’s locked in a coffin, again. He smells the stench of the decomposing corpse on which he lies halfway. He feels the worms starting to crawl over him, and sees absolutely nothing.
„Fuck, not again” his voice breaks.
„Please, please please not again” he repeats, starting to pound his fists on the lid of the coffin.
He is completely overcome by panic and terror as he hits and kicks the lid. With each hit, he feels the flesh beneath him flatten into rotting slush. Of course, hitting the lid doesn't work. He's trembling with fear, but he knows what to do. After all, it's not his first time.
He examines the head of the corpse lying next to him with his hand. As she locates its mouth, he pushes his fingers in, presses his fingers under its tongue, and grabs its jaw. He pulls it away from the rest of the skull and starts slamming the bone against the lid, using it like brass knuckles.
He wakes up with a terrified scream, stretching his arms out in front of him. He immediately sits down as if he needs it to make sure he isn’t locked in a coffin. His heart is beating like crazy and he's all covered in a cold sweat, which left a wet stain in his shape on the sheets.
„Ghost!?” Johnny runs into his bedroom with a gun in his hands.
MacTavish looks at him for a second, then lowers his gun. God, Simon must look fucking pathetic. Riley really wants to shoot himself in the head right now. He quickly looks away from John and sits down with his back to him. He has no idea what to say and he feels ashamed. It's just like when he woke up screaming when he was a kid and his little brother was laughing at him.
„Nightmares?” Soap, thanks christ, speaks first.
Ghost just nodded.
Johnny went to bed, put the gun on the nightstand and sat down next to Simon, keeping a healthy distance between them.
„They start after our last job?” the shorter one sighed as he asked.
„Just come back” Ghost said quickly but quietly.
„Would help if I stay here? If I would watching over you?” John asked sounding totally serious.
„You joking?” Ghost snorted grimly, looking at the other one for a second.
„What? It’s normal when we’re on a mission. We've done this hundreds of times” Soap said.
„You’re drunk” Ghost mumbled.
„I’m serious, Lieutenant”
„Do what you want, I'm going to smoke” Riley got up and left the room quickly, going to the balcony.
The balcony in this apartment was small, only one person could fit there. Ghost grabbed a pack of cigarettes, Marlboro Gold, he pulled his balaclava under his nose and lit one cig. He inhaled the smoke, he always needed fresh air combined with nicotine or alcohol after nightmares.
Soap leaned against the balcony door’s frame behind him.
„You know that at the time I came here I thought that shadows under your eyes were this makeup of yours, just now I realized that it’s not an eyeshadow. You always wake up like this?” he spoke up.
„Like this? Screaming like a little kid? Yep” Simon snorted, it was supposed to sound like a joke but it was true.
„It's been less than an hour since I fell asleep” Johnny grunted, glancing at his watch.
„You sound like we have some healthy lifestyle. Normally we sleep in planes, which transports us from one war zone to another or we take naps when no one is shooting at us” Simon mumbled, feeling like he was going to eat that fucking cigarette, which he was smoking out of stress.
Funny, he isn’t stressed by his almost continuous life in some war zone, but he has the impression that he’s about to die talking about his problems. Come on, it's not even quite a conversation if he still avoids answering.
„That's not what I meant. I mean, when you're not in the middle of some kind of war conflict, you can't take a proper care of yourself” Soap said.
„Fucking hell. Price sent you here to check in what condition I'm in? I’m tired and fucked in the head, I want to go back on the bloody field so I can’t think about all this shit anymore” the blonde tightened his fists on the balcony railing.
Soap had the nerve to laugh at that „You’re so fucking stupid sometimes, Lt”
Ghost turns abruptly to the other man, kinda wanting to punch him in the face right now.
„Price didn't send me here. I came here because I was worried about you-” MacTavish fell silent for a few seconds „-….and ‘cuz I missed you a little, you bastard” he added a little quieter.
Ghost felt his mouth go dry, these few words changed a lot. He opened his mouth to say something but closed it back quickly.
Soap sighed „Just go to bed, Lieutenant. You get irritable when you’re sleepy”
Ghost threw the cigarette butt over the balcony, swallowed loudly and nodded. Johnny went into his bedroom first and sat on the edge of the bed.
Riley stopped in the entrance to the small room, his mask back in place, crossing his arms uncertainly across his chest, looking at the floor.
„You're just gonna sit here?” he asked.
Soap smirked and rolled his eyes „No, I'll start choking as soon as you fall asleep”
„Don’t even try” Simon grunted and climbed into his bed. „I've got a glock under the pillow and I'm not gonna hesitate to use it” he lay down feeling weird with someone else in his bedroom.
„Sure Lt, want to hear a bedtime story?” MacTavish joked.
„Shut up” Ghost replied quickly.
The next day they spent quite peacefully. Soap offered to make breakfast. Ghost's fridge was practically empty so they had to go shopping. MacTavish seemed to find comfort in such mundane things as shopping at local market. He told Ghost why it's best to buy free-range eggs, or how many different types of vegan milk there are, or how he loves cranachan, a Scottish dessert. And unexpectedly Riley found comfort in listening to Sergeant and following him around the market pushing a shopping cart. It was so ordinary but also unusual for him at the same time. For him, a normal morning is training at base or shooting someone.
Their breakfast ended up being scrambled eggs with bacon, roasted onions and toast. You know, big, military, strong man, a lot of calories type of meal. It was delicious, Ghost didn't know Soap could cook like this.
He even commented on it somehow.
„It's just scrambled eggs, you don't know anything about my cooking skills yet” Johnny replied something like that.
It’s faint hope, but Ghost hopes anyway that Soap will be around more so he can find out about it.
In the evening they stated that they would go to the pub, they should enjoy their leave off duty. They chose a rather small place. As it was a random day in the middle of the week, there weren't many people in the pub. The room was lit by a barely illuminating anything warm light and red little Christmas tree lights.
At one point the music seemed louder and the alcohol seemed endless. Soap was drinking some rum while Ghost was enjoying his bourbon. They were sitting in a booth in the corner of the pub. They talked about completely ordinary things. Such as how Johnny had a big sheepdog growing up or that only Riley calls him Johnny. Or Soap pointed out that Ghost's pupils are usually dilated as fuck.
Ghost likes it more than he should. Just listening to his Johnny, his voice with that Scottish accent. With each glass of bourbon Ghost was getting closer to the Sergeant and his head was getting closer to the table top. He felt more and more warmth under his mask, but he could always blame the alcohol for it. At one point, both soldiers were sitting close enough to each other that their thighs were touching under the table, their knees collided every now and then.
And Ghost is so drunk that he begins to address Soap only by Johnny. Just Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, not Soap or MacTavish or Sergeant, just Johnny, his Johnny. And Soap also plays this game and references to their conversation, when Soap was on the run in Las Almas. Something about Kentucky and bourbon, and Johnny calls Ghost a good boy. Simon just can't take it, so he hides his face behind his arms, already lying on the table.
„Don’t call me that” he manages to mumble and he knows he’s red under his balaclava.
„Oh, but you are a good boy” Johnny teases him, laughing.
„I’m not” Riley argues.
„You are, don't deny it” Johnny replies.
„Yeah, then what’s so good about me?” Ghost straightens up and he’s way too close to Johnny's face.
He swallows loudly as his gaze falls on Johnny's lips and he realizes that their faces are only inches apart.
Johnny looks at his eyes alternately at his lips. His totally visible lips because his mask is shifted under his nose so that he can somehow drink alcohol.
Johnny smirks and he asks „You really want to know, Simon?”
Ghost feels his heart literally stop. He shakes his head and it falls back onto the table.
At some point after that, they decided to go back to Riley's place, because if they drank any more, they wouldn't be able to go back to the apartment. On the way there, they start singing something while walking shoulder to shoulder. Some old lady even told them to shut up, which amused them a lot.
When they got there, wanting to go inside at the same time when the door opened, they both fell to the floor. Ghost on top of Soap. The taller one kicked the door behind them to close it and looked Sergeant in the eyes. John put one hand on the Simon’s waist and the other on his cheek.
„You all right?” he asked, running his thumb over the mask material.
And Ghost's heart pounded so hard as if it was about to pop out of his chest. As they happened to be chest-to-chest, Ghost knew MacTavish could feel it too. It terrified him, he froze. Theirs faces are so fucking close to each other again, and not even an hour has passed. It was as if they had magnets in their faces.
Johnny frowned „What’s up?”
Ghost let out a shaky breath „Just drunk”
They got up and moved into the bedroom. They lay down in the bed side by side as if it were the most normal thing in the world.
„Night” Soap muttered.
„Night” Ghost replied quietly.
Riley won't even mention what a dream he had that night. It wasn't a nightmare, he can tell that much, and that dream like this last happened to him when he was a teenager and that Soap was in it.
Simon woke up immediately feeling a fucking hangover. He was lying on his right side, his left palm felt strange. He opened his eyes lazily. Riley’s head hurt so fucking bad. Johnny was lying on his back next to him. And it wasn't all that unexpected after waking up next to him the day before. What was unexpected was that Ghost had his hand extended towards Soap. Not only stretched out towards him, but also clinched on MacTavish’s hoodie. Ghost took his hand away abruptly. He quickly got out of bed and ran away to the bathroom, he needed a shower anyway. He took off his mask and rest of the clothes and threw it in the washing machine, stepped into the shower turning on the cold water.
Bloody fucking hell, he likes Johnny. No no no no no, it can’t be true. He cannot have feelings for anyone, it always ends with death.
He's like a curse, a plague, he’s a motherfucking death. He can't do this to Johnny, not to his Johnny. Fucking god, he needs to go back on the field and shoot some terrorists.
Simon left the bathroom in sweatpants, a towel over his head and missing a top. Seeing Soap in the kitchenette with the corner of his eye, he quickly slipped into his bedroom where was a wardrobe. He put on a mask that looked completely the same as the one he was wearing the day before. For him the mask was as obvious item of clothing as underwear. He also put on worn out black hoodie and some random socks and he was ready.
He slowly and quietly left the room. He prepared himself mentally for what he had to do, nervously clutching the damp towel in his hands. And it was so fucking hard, he didn't know what to expect, he hadn't done it before. Ghost has never had to push someone away from him before, because he had never allowed anyone to get so close to him in the first place.
When Johnny notices him, he points to a big glass of water and says „Drink”
Riley took a deep breath, the sooner he does it, the better „I think you should go now, Sergeant”
MacTavish raised his eyebrows as he took a sip of water himself, however he looked like Ghost's words didn’t surprise him at all.
„Oh, so you want to push me away because when people get too close to you, you become weaker or some shit? Okay, let’s skip that part” he put his glass down on the kitchen counter.
Ghost clenched his jaw, his gaze quickly darting away from the other man „I’m serious, get lost, it was fun but I have things to do”
„You’re full of shit, Lt” Johnny wasn’t impressed even a bit by the words of his supervisor.
„Just fucking go, please” Simon sighed.
„Okay, just tell me why”
„I…-“ Riley thought his cold heart couldn't get hurt anymore, but now he felt like he was tearing it to pieces. He had no idea what lie would sound convincing enough, he couldn't have come up with any. So all he had to say was the truth. „-Everyone who was close to me, died ‘cuz of me. This cannot happen to you. And sure, it's selfish as hell, but I just can't lose another person important to me-” his voice cracked pitifully. „-Fuck, Soap, please. I loose everyone, they died a terrible fucking death because of me. I’m a Lieutenant, I’m responsible for you, I will not let you die and to do that you can't be so close to me. I'm like a fucking death sentence, don't you fucking understand?” Ghost grimaced his face.
Johnny thought for a moment. „We’re soldiers, it happens that we die at work, if I die on duty, it will not be your fault just because you have a higher rank” he said calmly.
„I'm not talking about it” Simon turned around his own axis, wrapping his arms around himself. Stress eating him up. „Johnny, you never wondered why I’m like this? The mask and all the rest?”
„Yeah, sure I did” the men replied quickly.
„And what do you suspect?” Ghost asked.
„Trauma” Soap answered carefully after a few seconds.
Riley laughed nervously as he shifted from foot to foot „I think you can call it that. In my files it’s described as childhood trauma, traumatized after many days of torture, driven mad, PTSD, suicidal tendencies, temper-management issues, and many, many more. It’s because I messed with many people and I survived, and I know from experience that after that they will not hunt me, but my loved ones” Ghost's voice was shaking.
This left Soap speechless.
Ghost waited for any reply, laughter or whatever, staring at the floor. He couldn't stand the silence, he felt his stomach twist and goosebumps appearing on his shoulders. He's still tiring that poor towel, clinching his fists on it.
Johnny closed the distance between them slowly, as if he was approaching some dangerous wild animal, and hugged the taller one.
Ghost reacted to Sergeant’s touch as if it were fire, squirming from an embrace.
„What’re you doing?” Simon's voice trembled as if he was terrified.
MacTavish quickly moved his hands away from his Lieutenant.
„I'm not that good with words. I'm sorry all this shit happened to you, I’m really am, but I think, fuck, you should stop being afraid. You're not a death sentence. You're just the guy who went through hell, lost everything, yet you still saved my life several times. You deserve someone to love you and care about you… and … shit…”
L o v e. Love? What? No, he must have heard something wrong.
It caught him without a guard. Simon’s cold heart was just melting like if it was on the summer sun and Johnny was the sun.
Johnny again carefully extended his hand to him, this time bringing it close to Simon's face.
„Can I?” Soap asked barely audible.
Simon slowly grabbed MacTavish’s palm and pressed it to his cheek himself.
It felt like a dream. It was the warmest touch Simon had felt in years. His heart couldn't handle that much warmth.
This whole situation was like from someone else's life. Not in the life of Simon Riley, the cold-blooded killer. And yet, there was Johnny in front of him, melting all his icy walls, which Riley so meticulously built, like a motherfucking hell’s fire. All these emotions that Ghost hasn’t felt for years were terrifying but somehow made him believe for a moment, that maybe he would feel loved in those mess of his life.
Via all these feelings, because of Johnny Simon felt a sudden surge of courage. He leaned over, closed his eyes, and kissed Soap. And sure, they were still separated by the balaclava, black fabric, but their lips matched each other. Ghost moved his lips and Johnny moved his, and it was literally perfect.