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“P’Pai, don’t give me to anyone. You’re enough. Can’t I just be yours? Please don’t give me to anyone else, please,” Sky cried, clutching the front of Prapai’s sweater and shaking.
Pai ran a hand over the boy’s back, grateful that after everything that had happened tonight, Sky was still letting himself be touched at all. He wouldn’t have blamed Sky if he’d shoved him away and tried to run home. “Give you to anyone? Sky, what are you talking about? What do you mean? Why would I ‘give you to anyone’?”
“Because,” Sky gasped through his tears. He tried to burrow into Pai’s chest even further, like he didn’t even want him to look at him when he said his next words, “Because that’s what he did. Gun. He gave me to three of his friends.”
“Gave you…” Prapai’s words stopped short in his throat, knots the size of golf balls forming in his trachea. As Sky’s confession started to sink in, the room began spinning, and Prapai’s stomach churned with guilt and sorrow and bile and the most intense rage he’d ever felt. Everything fell into place like sick, twisted puzzle pieces made of razor blades, cutting into Prapai on the way down. No wonder Sky tried to chase him away for so long, no wonder he still sometimes flinched when Prapai reached for him, no wonder he got lost in his own head in the middle of a conversation, no wonder he used to shake and cry and reach for Prapai in his sleep just to push him away again when he woke. With their first night going the way it did, there was no wonder why Sky hated him for so long. It was a miracle that he didn’t still hate him.
He should have killed that bastard. He was right there, he had the fucker’s throat in his hands. At the time, Prapai had figured that P’Chai and P’Pakin should have been the ones to take care of the situation, that they could do more damage than he could. But with this new knowledge, he had never regretted anything more than he regretted turning that sick son of a bitch over to them. He should have taken care of him himself, he should have kept hitting him until bones broke beneath his fists, he should have stepped on his neck until he choked on every lie he’d ever fed Sky, he should have ripped him apart with his bare hands, just like he’d destroyed the single most precious thing that either of them would ever have.
How could he? Sky was everything sweet and pure and perfect in the world. He was beautiful inside and out, a well of love that labored himself sick taking care of his friends and his juniors. Selflessness wasn’t a strong enough word for Sky. He was absolute perfection in every single way, smart and sweet and caring and funny with a smile that could light the sky on the darkest night. And beneath all of that beauty was damage, scars that ran so deep that couldn’t even be seen, but had to cause utter agony with every breath. Prapai had always known that Sky had skeletons in his closet, but he never imagined how severe and irreparable the damage might have been; he never in a million lifetimes would have guessed how splintered and shattered Sky actually was, that it was Sky’s very soul that had been broken. His boy, his beautiful boy, his sweet and perfect Sky. How he could still walk and talk and laugh and smile and survive after what he’d been through was nothing short of a miracle. Prapai had spent entire nights holding him, and he’d never even realized.
As his thoughts churned, Prapai’s breath got short, turning to labored pants instead of proper inhales. He felt Sky’s hands on his shoulder and chest, but his vision was starting to blur.
“P’Pai?” Sky called out to him, his voice sounding as terrified as Prapai had ever heard it, which didn’t seem to make sense since Gun was long gone and possibly even dead by now. “P’Pai?”
“I think I’m gonna be sick,” Prapai groaned. “I’m gonna throw up or pass out or something.”
The terror on Sky’s face fell instantly to what could only be described as sheer heartbreak, and it made Prapai choke back a sob. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
Wait, what? By the time Prapai worked through those two simple words, Sky was shaking again, trembling in Pai’s arms. He took both of Sky’s hands in one of his and ran the other back and forth across his shoulders. “Sky, darling, why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong, you never have. I’m not—”
“Disgusted,” Sky muttered, and Pai assumed it was meant to be whispered under his breath, just to himself, but he was still so rattled that he couldn’t control his voice.
And if Prapai had ever doubted that a single word could absolutely shatter his heart like fine, fragile crystal on concrete, those doubts were gone now. In an instant, his cheeks were wet with fallen tears, and he was crushing Sky to his chest as he sobbed. Sky didn’t complain or try to push him off, though. He just twisted his fingers so tightly in Prapai’s sweater that Pai could hear his nails pop through the thick knit and feel them sink into the t-shirt he was wearing underneath. But he couldn’t have cared less about the destroyed sweater, he just buried his face in Sky’s hair and squeezed him even tighter.
“Sky,” He gasped, the sound muffled by the sweet-scented hair in his face, “Sky, never. Okay? Don’t think that I ever have or ever would think that about you. I don’t care who has hurt you or how they did it, nothing will ever make me disgusted by you.”
“But,” Sky cried into Pai’s chest, “But they touched me all over and they, they ra—”
Prapai held a finger up over Sky’s mouth to cut off the rest of his sentence. “Don’t you dare say it.”
“I’m disgusting, I’m dirty, I’m used,” Sky chanted, more to himself than to Pai.
Iron and salt filled Prapai’s mouth as he dug his teeth into his bottom lip in a useless attempt to stop the wailing noises he was making. “No, Sky, you’re not, I promise. You’re perfect in every way, and you didn’t do anything wrong. I need you to say it, okay? I need you to believe it, please tell me you believe it.”
When Sky spoke, his voice shook. “I… I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not my fault?” He asked more than stated. Prapai nodded and rocked Sky in his arms. “P’Pai wouldn’t lie to me?”
“Never.” Though it hurt to do it, Prapai gently but firmly pulled Sky away just enough to look at his face, though his fingers still dug into the fabric on his arms like he was afraid to lose contact completely. Truth be told, Prapai was afraid to let Sky go, as well. He cupped his cheek with one hand and ran his other through Sky’s messy, tangled hair. “I will never lie to you, and I’ll never let anyone hurt you ever again. I’ll never let anyone else have you, and I’ll never let anyone take you from me. I will die before I let anything bad ever happen to you again. I promise you, Sky, I give you my word, on my family name, on my ancestors’ graves. Nobody will ever hurt you again. You’re safe. You’re safe and you’re mine and you’re beautiful and you’re perfect and nothing about you could ever disgust me, do you understand me?”
Sky nodded weakly, wet trails on his cheeks glistening in the lamplight. Pai wiped them away softly.
“But you said you were gonna be sick.”
“Yes, I’m disgusted, but not by you. I’m sick to my stomach, but it’s because of the bastards that put their hands on you. I’ll find them, I swear I will, and I’ll make them pay for everything they did to you.”
“No,” Sky gasped out, looking completely destroyed and even more exhausted than after he collapsed in the classroom.
“No?”
“No, P’Pai,” He repeated, shaking his head weakly, “I don’t want to find them, I just want it all to be over.”
“It is. I promise you, Sky, that everything is over. You’re mine now, and I’m gonna take care of you and protect you until the day I die. You’re the most important person in my world, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. You don’t have to worry about anything ever again; school tuition, money, your safety, your Dad, your friends, nothing. I promise to take care of everything for you.”
“I don’t want your money. I want you.”
For three simple words, Prapai couldn’t seem to understand them. Sky wanted him? Sky was willing to admit that he wanted him? “Huh? You do?”
Sky nodded shyly. “I told you, I just want to be yours.”
The festering thought that Sky just wanted to be safe, and he was saying this just because he knew that Pai could do that for him sank like a stone in Prapai’s stomach, but he decided that he didn’t care. Pai knew it wasn’t the case, but even if Sky only wanted his money and his family’s name, even if he just wanted the protection and the security that came with belonging to Prapai, even if Sky didn’t want him, he just wanted everything that came with him, Prapai wouldn’t care. Prapai was so completely gone for Sky that it didn’t matter; he’d do anything and everything to keep him close, even if it meant not meaning to Sky what Sky meant to him.
Fortunately, he knew that it was as far from the truth as possible. Sky knew what it was like to be used and abused, and Pai knew that he’d never hurt anyone else as badly as he had been hurt. “You can be, you are, you always will be. God, Sky, I’m so fucking sorry for everything. That night at the race, it was a joke. I was going to help you anyway, but you just went with it, so I thought you were okay with a one-night stand. I never meant to use you. And then I— I practically stalked you! You kept saying no, but I just wouldn’t leave you alone. I must have dragged up all that bullshit for you, and I’m so sorry, Sky.”
“You didn’t know.”
“That’s not an excuse," Pai argued with a twisted frown.
“Please, P’Pai,” Sky pleaded, inching closer, “Please don’t. If you wouldn’t have kept coming back, if you would have just used me and left, it would have been worse. I’m glad you didn’t give up. I’m sorry for pushing you away.”
Prapai sighed and shook his head with a grimace. “Don’t apologize, darling. You had every reason not to trust me. But thank god that you did.” He sighed, his throat closing around his words again. “How could someone do something so horrible? And to you, of all people?”
“Me?” Sky asked, sounding small and uncertain, and Pai mustered up a smile despite his heart still breaking.
“Sky, I know you don’t see yourself like I do, like everyone around you does. You’re so perfect. You’re breathtakingly beautiful and strong and you care so much for everyone around that you’ll run yourself sick just to make sure that your friends pass their classes and that your freshmen students feel welcome,” He teased, and Sky blushed. “You make everyone around you happy, including me. You have so much love for your friends and your father and you work so hard to achieve your goals, and you do it without manipulation or lying or cheating. I can’t say the same. I’m honored to know you, to stand next to you. You make me want to be a better person, you’ve made me a better person, the best person that I can be so that I might be good enough to be with you. Never in my life have I felt so small, so insignificant as I do next to you, and I don’t even care. You deserve nothing but happiness because when you’re happy, your smile takes my breath away. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Sky’s eyes slipped closed and his lips trembled as he dug his teeth into them, until Prapai ran a gentle thumb over his mouth to stop the biting. “Why are you crying? Sky, look at me.”
Slowly, Sky blinked his eyes open and gazed up at Pai. “It’s funny.”
“What’s funny?”
“You talk about my smile—"
"I live for that smile."
"I haven’t smiled this much since before I met Gun. P’Pai… It’s because of you. You barged into my life like you were breaking down the door and you refused to leave even when I tried to force you.” Prapai frowned as the sour taste of guilt came back, but Sky slipped a hand into his hair, fingers running through the soft strands. “And because of you, I’m smiling and I’m laughing more than I have in years. Because of you, P’Pai.”
The words hit Prapai in the best way possible, his chest getting tight and his stomach fluttering. “You’ve completely turned my life upside-down,” He continued, “I never thought that I could love someone the way that I love you.”
As soon as the words were out, Prapai froze. The rush of memories came flooding back, memories of Sky shutting down and retreating into himself the last time that word came up. Prapai readied himself for the breakdown, but instead, Sky just sniffled again.
“You love me?” He asked, and the seed of hope in his voice was as clear as if it had been painted across his face, lips twitching into an almost-smile. “Nobody’s ever loved me before, not really.”
Never one to deny that he was shameless, Prapai nodded happily. “Well, I do, and I will forever. Nothing means more to me than you do. I love you, Sky. This wasn’t really how I imagined saying it for the first time,” He joked, and thankfully Sky chuckled. That almost-smile spread into what was more of a grin, and Prapai had never been so completely gone for anyone or anything as he was for that smile. For a split second there, he didn’t think that he’d ever see it again, but that hopelessness was gone now as Sky’s teeth sparkled back at him.
“So… I can be deeply in love with you?” Sky asked, and he watched as Prapai’s chest inflated with the deepest breath his lungs could handle and his eyes glistened with more tears. He nodded and carded his fingers through Sky’s hair again.
“Yes. Yes, you can.”
Before he could even notice, Sky had rushed back in and twisted his arms around Prapai, fingers digging into his sweater again. He was still shaking, so Pai held him as tightly as he could.
“Good, because I was gonna do it, anyway, even if you said no,” Sky teased with a chuckle that sounded like it was still tinged with tears. But his voice sounded like Sky again, not the shell of Sky that had been speaking before. He sounded like he was alive again.
Prapai laughed and nuzzled into his neck even further. “I’d expect nothing less, you stubborn boy,” He answered, and Sky laughed again.
When Pai went to press a kiss to Sky’s cheek, he saw the beginnings of a deep purple bruise at the juncture of his mouth, right where his lips met, and that fire of rage billowed inside him again. How dare that motherfucker storm back into Sky’s life and put his hands on him like he had the right? He’d already damaged him almost beyond repair, and this was more than wanting to hurt Sky; Gun had wanted to make sure that even if he was gone, that Sky would never feel safe and happy ever again knowing that he could pop back up to ‘take what was his’ at any time and in any place. Even more than that, choosing to ambush Sky in Prapai’s own apartment was a slap in his face, as well. It was Gun’s way of telling him that there was no place where Sky could hide, and that even Prapai couldn’t protect him. Oh, how wrong he was. That son of a bitch had already lost to Prapai on the track, and now he’d lost to him again, only this time, the stakes had been even higher, and the price he paid even heftier.
The sickening thought that this whole thing was Prapai’s fault came barreling through his mind, and he froze. Sky had mentioned that he had to reach out to his ex for information on the race for Rain, so that initial contact between them may have put the whole thing in motion. But Pai knew for a fact that Gun was there that night. Tho and Aek had mentioned seeing him and Petch for the first time in a long time, and now Prapai knew why they’d shown; because Gun knew that Sky would be there. If Gun was at the race, he may have seen Sky leave with him, and if saw Sky leave, he definitely saw Prapai’s hands on his waist and his ass and his neck as they climbed into his car together. Maybe, just maybe, if Prapai hadn't given Sky the ultimatum that night and forced Sky to leave with him, this never would have happened, and that made a new wave of guilt crash over him like harsh waves on sand.
He’d like to say that even if it was his fault, that it was worth it because it brought Sky and him together in the end, but it would be cruel to think. Because as much as Prapai was hurt over everything he’d learned tonight, Sky was the one sitting here with bruises on his face and blood in his mouth and demons in his head that he thought he’d said good-bye to a long time ago. As hurt as he was, Sky was hurt even worse, mentally and physically, and to say that Sky’s pain was worth it would make him almost as despicable as Gun, though he knew that Sky would say it. Sky was allowed to say it. Prapai couldn’t bear to think about what would have happened if he’d never met Sky, never helped him heal. And granted, Sky was far from healed, especially right now, but he was starting to patch up all his broken parts with Prapai’s help, and being able to help was more than Prapai could ever ask for.
“You’re hurt, and you’re exhausted,” He whispered against Sky’s cheek after kissing it as gently as he could. “If you let me go, I’ll run you a really hot bath. It won’t do anything for the bruising on your face, but it’ll help with the exhaustion and the ache in your bones, and hopefully you’ll sleep better if you’re clean and warm and toasty.”
As predicted, Sky didn’t go for it, instead whimpering and hugging him tighter. He shook his head.
This is where Prapai would normally tease him and say that if he kept clinging to him like that, that soon he’d start to think that Sky actually liked him. But not tonight. Instead, Pai just stood (not very easily, as Sky was determined not to let his grip on him loosen) and hooked his free arm underneath the boy’s knees, picking him up bridal style and cradling him to his chest as he walked into the bathroom. He tried to set Sky down on the closed toilet, but Sky still refused to let him go. So he perched on the edge of the deep marble tub, Sky seated across his lap and still burrowed into Pai’s chest as he fiddled with the water temperature, making sure that it wasn’t going to burn him, but that it was hot enough to soothe and comfort him, and hopefully ease the ache in his muscles that would no doubt pop up in the morning. Thankful that his sister was an aspiring beauty guru, Pai rummaged through the large basket of bath accouterments he’d received from her for his birthday to find the only two things that he actually knew how or why to use; the epsom salts and the lavender oil.
As soon as the oil hit the water, the room was filled with the scent of fresh lavender fields, and it reminded Prapai of France. He’d make it a point to take Sky to France as soon as he could. Someone like Sky, someone as sensitive and pensive and appreciative of beautiful architecture and damn good food as he was would absolutely love it there. Maybe he and Payu could treat Sky and Rain to a week away soon, hopefully over the holiday break. God knows they all needed it, Rain and Sky most after the stress of school. France in winter was something special, and Sky deserved to see it.
Giving Sky all the wonderful, expensive things that he deserved but would probably never be able to have on his own was one of the things that Pai looked forward to most in their future. Sky deserved to travel to beautiful places and eat the most delicious food and wear the best clothes and have the most high-tech tools to get him through school and his career and sleep on the most comfortable beds in the plushest sheets and hopefully, if Prapai begged and offered enough, one day he’d drive the most lavish car that Pai could gift him. And most of all, though he knew it was a ways away, Prapai wanted Sky to live in the most gorgeous, extravagant, over-the-top house, filled with every feature he could ever want and more. A house that wasn’t just a house but a home, somewhere warm and safe with Sky written in every room, painted in his favorite colors and patterns and filled with the things he loved, like his manga collection and those silly little figurines he obsessed over, with a kitchen where he and Pai would learn to cook all his favorite foods. A home where Sky could sleep peacefully and live happily, with as many dogs as he wanted, because even though Pai never thought to ask, he just knew that Sky would love to have dogs. A home where, if he was lucky, Prapai would get to spend the rest of his life sleeping with Sky in his arms, waking up to his scratchy voice in the morning, and maybe even one day, a home where they’d raise their children.
“Do you want bubbles?” Pai whispered, and Sky didn’t answer vocally, he just pressed a kiss to Pai’s chest and nodded, which made Pai’s heart flutter for longer than a moment. He had the most adorable human he’d ever known in his lap, clinging to him like a koala bear, and best of all, that human loved him, felt comfortable enough to show Prapai his insecurities, his child-like habits. He’d been beaten, broken and betrayed; for all intents and purposes, Sky should be mean and bitter and hateful, and yet he’d just kissed Pai’s heart and asked for bubbles in his bath. Prapai was literally born into a life of good fortune, and yet he’d never felt so lucky. He dumped a good amount of bubble bath into the swirling water, waiting a moment for the suds to start before he turned his attention back to Sky.
“I’m gonna take your clothes off now, okay?” He warned, waiting for a nod before he reached for Sky’s shirt. Naturally, Sky flinched when he felt hands trying to undress him, and Prapai had expected it. Pai had undressed Sky before, both for sexual and completely innocent reasons, and he’d never felt uncomfortable or unsafe, but tonight had dredged up a lot of emotions for him, so Pai did his best not to feel upset that Sky had shrunk away from him at first, especially since all it took was a kiss to his forehead for him to remember whose hands were on him. Sky took his arms from around Pai for just long enough to let him slip the shirt over his head before he hugged him again, listening to his heart and just letting Pai finish his work.
When Sky was undressed, Pai checked the water temperature one last time before carefully sliding Sky off his lap and into the water, which, with the added layer of bubbles, almost reached his collarbones. As soon as the warmth surrounded him, the tension in Sky’s face seemed to dissolve and though he didn’t necessarily smile, he looked calm and peaceful with his head leaned against the marble, letting himself slip lower into the water as if he was boneless. With Sky looking content for the first time all night, Prapai finally allowed himself to smile. Except when he turned to leave the room, a wet hand flew out to grab his arm, fingers sinking into the fabric and into Prapai’s skin underneath. But he didn’t care about his arm or the water on the floor or his erratic heartbeat (since the sudden movement from Sky, who looked like he could have been asleep had scared him half to death); Prapai just let Sky pull his arm to his chest as he began shaking again.
“Don’t leave me, P’Pai!”
“Sky, darling, I’m right here,” He insisted, kneeling beside the tub and reaching in to hug Sky, despite the soap bubbles and hot water seeping through his sleeves, “I was just going to get you a towel and make you a cup of tea.”
“Thank you, but I don’t want tea.”
“Okay. So what do you want? What can I do for you?”
That familiar grimace crossed Sky’s face, the one that said that he was embarrassed or ashamed, and Pai ran a wet hand through his hair. “You can tell me, love. Don’t be embarrassed. What will make you feel better?”
The blush on Sky’s cheeks could have been from the water or his own self-consciousness, but he again didn’t answer with words. He just looked at Pai with those soft, honey-colored eyes and slid forward in the tub, leaving an empty space behind him. Pai smiled and chuckled softly.
“Please?” Sky cooed, and even if he’d been planning on saying no, which he wasn’t, Prapai wasn’t strong enough to deny his boy anything ever, and especially not when he asked with that voice.
So Pai just nodded and gently pried Sky’s nails from his arm, standing and shedding his clothes as quickly as he could, since Sky’s trembling seemed to worsen when the two weren’t touching. As he sunk into the water behind Sky, Prapai hid the angry crescent indents on his arm by dipping it beneath the soap bubbles to wrap around Sky’s chest. He didn’t want to make him feel guilty.
When Prapai was settled behind him, Sky twisted in the tub and climbed back into his lap like he had before, settling in between Pai’s legs and curling up on his chest again, right where he belonged. Prapai scooped up a few handfuls of water and gently dumped them through Sky’s hair, wetting the strands and pushing them off his forehead before curling his arms around his too-slim waist. Sky had always been small, but the way he fit against Prapai these days almost worried him, having never really gained back the weight he'd lost when he was sick. Pai made a mental note to shower him with the most indulgent breakfast he could in the morning, but the thought drifted like smoke on a strong wind when Sky sighed against his chest, the sudden breeze cooling the wet skin and raising goosebumps on his arms.
“Thank you, P’Pai. Thank you for never giving up on me and for keeping me safe and taking care of me. I can never repay you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Oh, love. I’d never ask for repayment. I do everything I do because I care about you. I want you to be safe and happy and healthy because I love you, and because I like taking care of you. I like thinking that you need me, even though I know you don’t. You were doing just fine on your own before I came along.”
Sky gently shook his head, but he never opened his eyes. “I wasn’t, I just looked like I was. I still had nightmares and bad thoughts and I was just… Okay with it. I was fine with the thought that I’d never love anyone again, that I’d never really love myself like I had before Gun. And then you showed up, and I thought, If he loves me this much, maybe I’m worth more than I thought. You made me love myself again, you showed me that love doesn’t have to hurt. You changed my mind.”
“And I know that is not an easy feat,” Prapai teased, and Sky smacked his chest with no actual merit behind it.
“I’m sorry that I strung you along for so long. You didn’t deserve it. But if it helps,” Sky paused to yawn, “I’m glad that you’re mine now.”
“Sky, krub, I’ve always been yours. You were the tough nut to crack here. But I did, and the reward is sweeter than any fruit I’ve ever tasted.”
“You’re so cheesy. Whose boyfriend are you?” Sky teased, his voice wavering as exhaustion pulled at him.
Prapai laughed at the comment, but didn’t respond for a moment, wanting to give Sky the minute of silence needed for him to fall asleep. He passed the time by running a hand through Sky’s hair and pressing kisses to the side and top of his head. Prapai didn’t speak again until he felt Sky’s breathing even out and he heard the soft snoring. Tears that he didn’t even feel before ran down his face, and Pai sniffled once and whispered against Sky’s forehead.
“Thank you for letting me love you. I promise I won't ever let you down.”