Chapter Text
Wheezie wrapped her wool jacket tightly around herself and walked towards her backyard swimming pool at the horrible hour of midnight.
Maybe it was stupid, looking for her older brother after a family fight. After all, what could she really do to comfort him? But anything was better than sitting in her bedroom and listening to the screaming match going on downstairs. It started out with an argument involving how Rose treated the kids and then jumped into many other issues like money and sex and things Wheezie didn’t need to hear.
She’d rather check on her brother and make sure he was okay after the incident.
Wheeize caught sight of him lying on his back, floating in the middle of the pool in shorts and no shirt. He was insane.
“What are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”
The back of Rafe’s head, wet brown hair and all, lifted. He cranked his neck towards Wheezie.
“What do you want?” he asked, voice gruff.
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Rafe sighed. The silver chain around his neck was shining in the moonlight and Wheezie could barely make out the gold ring that their mother gave him, but when she squinted, she could see it on her brother’s index finger. Right where she expected it to be. At least Rafe cared about the family enough not to take it off.
“I’m fine,” Rafe said, but Wheezie wasn’t buying it. Not after what Rose did today.
“Really? You’re okay now? Because I’d understand if you weren’t.”
“Are you deaf? I said I’m fine.” Rafe’s tone told Wheezie of an entirely different story of course, one that screamed he was absolutely not okay, but she decided to play along since that seemed to be what her big brother needed.
“Aren’t you cold?”
Rafe stopped floating and shrugged. “It’s colder in there than it is out here.”
While that was potentially true, the temperature outside had just dipped low enough for snow, and although they hadn’t gotten any snow yet, she didn’t think her older brother should be swimming around in shorts and no shirt at midnight. He could get sick.
“Did you even remember to bring a towel?”
“Wheez. Go away, okay? I just wanna be alone. Why do you think I came out here?”
Because you always like to swim when things are tense in the house, she thought to herself as she sat along the edge of the pool and dipped her legs in the water. She was grateful it was heated and steamy and fogging up her glasses so he couldn’t see the dried tear-tracks on her face.
“It’s getting bad in there,” she told him because even though she had been confined to the upstairs during the duration of the fight, the amount of door-slamming and raised voices told her that her father and step-mother were at their wits end today.
“Yeah,” Rafe said, simple, but not spaced out enough for him to be high. “It’s better out here.”
She nodded, kicking her legs idly in the water. The moon was a sliver of a crest sleeping on the horizon line. If it sunk any lower she wouldn’t be able to see it behind the trees.
“After the whole jacket thing…and you went outside, Dad started yelling at Rose for selling a house… I think we might be having money issues. I was thinking maybe this year, maybe we shouldn’t ask for anything for Christmas this year.”
Wheezie removed her foggy glasses and wiped at them so she could look at her brother. Her stupid nose kept running, a tell-tale sign she had been crying earlier. Hopefully Rafe wouldn’t say anything about that.
Suddenly, the water shifted, and when she placed her glasses on, she saw Rafe had pulled up to the wall, beside her.
“C’mon, dude,” he said, flicking a little water at her, “Don’t worry about stuff like that. We’re gonna be fine.”
She watched him lay his head on one arm, and thought about how they used to come out to the pool all the time when they were kids. Now the pool was more like an accessory they showed off at parties rather than something they used for fun. Come to think of it, a lot of things were different nowadays.
She sniffled, and Rafe put his hand on top of hers. The gold ring Mom gave him was touching Wheezie’s skin like a part of her was still there, comforting Wheezie too.
“C’mon, dude. None of that. They’re just pissed. They’ll get over it. Bedsides, none of this is your fault, alright? None of it.”
“I just” — she hiccuped — “I just wish she didn’t touch Mom’s jacket.”
“I know, I know. But it’s alright. Okay? It’s alright.”
***
Rose just had to grab the jacket off of the empty chair, didn’t she?
Wheezie didn’t even realize Rafe was on his feet until she saw her step-mother shrink away from him, eyes widening at his towering figure.
““Put that back!” he barked, sharp and scary.
“Rose, you can’t wash that jacket,” Sarah said a waver in her voice. “Please. Put it back.”
At Sarah’s words, Rose regained her composure and leveled Rafe with a scowl on her face.
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just going to wash—“
“Put it back!” Rafe’s voice sliced through the middle of her speech like a knife. He was panting, and Wheeize was freaked out because both her brother and sister looked like they wanted to simultaneously punch something and cry. Wheeize felt her hands shake, and maybe Sarah saw it too because she stood behind her and and wrapped an arm around her collarbone protectively.
“You do not talk to me like that, Rafe,” Rose scolded, pointing a finger in his face. He was standing there shaking, but Wheezie had a feeling it wasn’t fear coursing through his veins. More like anger.
“Put it back,” he repeated, attempting to reach out and snag it from her. Rose jumped away, clutching the jacket to her chest.
“Ward! Are you going to let your son talk to me like this?”
Maybe a long time ago, when Mom was still alive and life was different Dad would have been having dinner with them at the table like he used to, and Rose wouldn’t even be there to shout upstairs to him.
And then maybe Rafe wouldn’t be so sad all the time and maybe he wouldn’t have started taking drugs to help him sleep. And then maybe Sarah wouldn’t feel the need to brag so much to Dad about her accomplishments. And then maybe they could have had a great dinner where everybody laughed and smiled and watched Mom place her jacket on the back of chair, and think stupidly to themselves that she was going to be there the next morning to pick it up…
But Dad says not to focus on ‘Maybes’.
Instead of maybes, here’s what happened. Rafe yanked the jacket out of Rose’s hands and she went to grab it back.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” she screamed, tugging. Wheezie saw a piece of wool come off.
She watched as her brother held it above his head like he used to hold Wheezie’s stuffed animal Todd above his head and make her jump for it. But after he got his amusement, he would lift Wheezie up and spin her around and toss her on the bed, tucking her in beside Todd wishing them both a goodnight.
He didn’t look like he was going to be lifting Rose up and wishing her sweet dreams any time soon.
“Just leave it alone,” he warned, keeping an arm in front of him to keep Rose away, “It’s not yours.” But she was determined to grab the jacket. She jumped, latching onto the jacket’s sleeve and ripped.
“Stop!” Sarah screamed, hugging Wheeize to her stomach, “Let it go! Please don’t rip it!”
With a lot of force, Rose pulled the jacket away from Rafe and that sent her stumbling into a table.
Everything went dead silent after that.
Wheezie could hear Sarah breathing hard from right above her. She felt her sister’s chest rise and fall with each shuddering breath. Rose carefully righted herself, dusted the invisible dirt off her slacks. Wheezie didn’t realize Dad was behind her until she heard his booming voice.
“How dare you.” Dad stalked forward and then —
Wheezie shrieked at the sound, jumping with Sarah as they huddling further into the corner of the room.
“Ward! It’s okay.” Rose said, grabbing Dad’s raised hand and pulling him back, “It’s okay. I’m fine.”
Rafe stood flush against the wall, hand over his cheek. Eyes big and round and scared. He glanced at Dad and maybe it was the reflection from the chandelier, but Wheezie could have sworn she saw them glimmer.
Dad had nothing helpful to offer except more cruelty.
“You do not shove your step-mother!” He screamed, slapping his hand against the table, “Come here.”
“I didn’t mean to,” Rafe cried, throwing his hand out towards Rose, “She was taking Mom’s jacket.”
And oh boy, oh boy, how the tables turned. Rose seemed so confused when Dad rounded on her.
“You did what?”
“How was I supposed to know it was their mother’s jacket. You could have said something.”
“We tried,” Sarah yelled, angry tears on her face too.
“Sarah, take your sister upstairs and stay in your room.”
“But Dad -“
“Go,” he ordered, pointing to the stairs, and Sarah took Wheezie by the hand without another word.
****
Rafe squinted his blue eyes open. Bobbing slowly with the sway of the water, he had his head rested in the crook of his arms and Wheeize realized he was about to fall asleep.
He was in the perfect state of comfort. Swaying and rocking, a haze of unconscious started to take over.
“Rafe? What was Mom like?”
He jolted upright like she had burned him, mouth hanging open for a split second before snapping into a tight line.
What was she thinking? Asking about Mom on a night like this. Her brother was no where near ready for this conversation. Not when his cheekbone still held the faintest smudge of red. She regretted her question even more after a look of hurt crossed his face.
“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that,” she said quickly, worried. For a moment, Wheezie feared he might do something cruel like yank her in the water with her coat on. Maybe he’d splash her in the face. Or slap her cheek like Dad did to him.
But when he spoke, there was no anger or malice to his words. It was purely sad.
“You don’t remember?”
Wheezie blinked, squinted in the moonlight until she spotted the gleam of metal around his neck.
“It’s been seven years… does that make me a bad daughter? Cause I can’t remember what she was like?”
Rafe stared at her for a few minutes. Really stared.
“Jesus, Wheezie,” he cursed, dipping himself underwater for a second to keep warm. When he broke through the surface, his hair was pushed back and slick, “You’re not bad.”
The side of Wheezie’s mouth pulled into a wry smile, “I guess that’s you, huh? You’re the bad kid.”
Rafe licked his lips like he wanted to say something but stopped himself mid-thought.
“You really don’t remember?”
Wheezie shook her head. A cricket chirped from somewhere in the trees.
“Tell me something about her.”
“Huh,” Rafe said, bemused. He dipped his mouth and nose underwater again for a second before hauling himself out of the pool with his arms, sloshing water all over the place, getting some on Wheezie.
“Thanks a lot,” she said, but she also didn’t mind. Because Rafe was still sitting with her, and he was about to say something if his teeth ever stopped chattering.
“Okay so, you know how Sarah is obsessed with the stars and shit?”
Wheezie nodded eagerly.
“Well Mom used to tell us all about ‘em.”
“Oh,” Wheezie said. She never knew that. She turned her face up at the sky, smiling softly. So Mom was into astronomy? It made sense then, why Sarah would going on and on about the North Star every day like it was this big deal.
“Since we live in the Northern Hemisphere, we have the ability to see the North Star,” Rafe explained, as if was reading her mind, “The whole sky rotates around this star. Unlike all the other stars in the sky, it’s in the same place every night from dusk till dawn.”
Wheezie felt dizzy looking at the sky, she almost fell in the pool.
“I used to watch them all the time when I was little. Mom and I would take a boat out on the water and she’d teach me all the names. It was something for us to do together… and then we started taking Sarah out on the boat and it was something the three of us did. We would have taken you too, probably, if…”
A switch flipped in his mind and he immediately glanced at his watch.
“Fuck, it’s late. You should be in bed.”
“Rafe wait —“
“Come on, Wheezie,” he stood to his feet, goosebumps all over his arms and torso. “Time to go inside.”
“Please, just - tell me one more thing about Mom.”
He swallowed thickly. “C’mon. I’m not getting my ass kicked again for keeping you up late.”
“Can we all go on a boat together sometime? You, me, and Sarah?”
Rafe scoffed, shook his head.
“Why not?” she followed him as he made his way towards the house. “Rafe? Rafe? Why not.”
“Because,” he said, pausing with his hand on the door knob, “Why do you think? She’s not here anymore, Wheez, and it will never be the same as it was.”
Wheezie stood in the frigid cold long after her brother had said those words and disappeared inside the house. She couldn’t bring herself to walk inside anymore. Because if what her bother said was true, then this wasn’t really home anymore.