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Eloise went to her room, crushed. She couldn't believe it. She let her body fall on the bed, her blue eyes fixing the ceiling, teardrops wetting her cheeks. The feeling of betrayal that she felt was starting to eat her inside. It was as if her heart was sobbing with anger, tears coming out in bulks, her body shivering like it had never before. She curled up on her side, her knees coming to her chest, and cried some more.
Oh, what a fool she had been. So many months trying to find Whistledown only to be let down by her closest friend. And she had lost Theo. He had entered her life by surprise and yet had become such a big part of it already. There wasn't a day she didn't think 'I should talk about this to Theo' or 'I wonder what Theo would say about that'. He had opened so many horizons for her. All that before was just talk now had become much more. Thoughts about women's rights, gender equality, even social classes equality, had started awakening in her with a need for actions. Had opened up possibilities of a different future. And yet a future that still seemed too far away. The unknown. How terrifying. And yet exciting.
A knock on her door startled her, and she sat on the bed, wiping her tears from her cheeks and rearranging her hair.
“Yes?”
Violet entered the room, a smile on her face and sounding as thrilled as ever.
“Dearest, what an exciting night! Anthony seems over the moon, have you noticed? I am sure Kate and him will make the happiest of couples. We should have much to celebrate in the next few weeks.”
Eloise drew a forceful smile at her mother and answered:
"Indeed mama, much to celebrate."
Noticing the saddened tone of her daughter's voice, Violet sat down on the bed and took her hand in hers.
"How are you dearest? You sound tired."
"Yes, I'm very tired mama, I think it’s best if I go to sleep soon. I wouldn't want to miss the celebrations."
"Tired, is that everything there is? I've noticed you have escaped from the party quite early. What were you up to?"
Her eyes looking down, Eloise started feeling tears falling on her cheeks that she could not control. Worried, Violet reuttered:
"What is wrong dearest?"
"Oh mama" Eloise threw her arms around her mother and said:
"I do not know what I will do with my life. Everything is falling apart."
"What is, my dear?"
"Everything." And as this last word was pronounced, the sobs took over and Eloise could not utter another word for the rest of the night.
When she awoke the next morning, Eloise felt much better. She stood up, opened her curtains, opened the windows and smelled the fresh air. "Welcome, beautiful sunny day" she thought. It was as if her night of crying and sleep had been exactly what she needed to regain all her usual energy. There was one thing she could change in the whole situation, afterall.
It did not mean all was well. Oh no, no, no. All was not well indeed. Her sadness had left to make space for anger. So much anger. She wasn't going to forgive her friend anytime soon. Oh no. But that could wait. What mattered now was Theo.
Their last conversation was still playing on repeat in her mind. The look on his face, the pain she had caused him, the words he had said. Everything was so fresh and utterly devastating to think about. That was enough, she thought. No more thoughts. Actions. If Penelope had said one thing right last night, it was that. She needed to act on thoughts. And right now, what she wanted most was to solve the situation with Theo. She could still fix it all. Surely, he would understand. She would make him listen, and she could try many times if needed. Afterall, she was known to be quite persistent.
Still thinking about how she could make him forgive her, or at least understand her, she managed to get dressed with her maid and ready to go down for breakfast. There was a problem that she hadn’t anticipated though. Her mother. After last night and her incomprehensible cries, her mother was not letting her out of her sight. She had kept her close, always trying to cheer her up.
"My dear, would you like to go for a walk outside today, the sun would do you so good"; "Dearest, I thought you might like to go to Penelope’s house this afternoon, I am sure a friend will do you much good”.
Eloise decided enough was enough, and took the first excuse to go out. “I’m in great need of new books mama, I think this is just what will help me get better. I shall see you all at dinner.”. And with that said, she stormed out of the room, summoned the Footman and entered the carriage. Where to? The Printer’s shop.
When she arrived in front of the Printer’s shop, she descended the carriage. The street was busy with workers and artisans and Theo was nowhere to be seen outside. She decided to make a go for it and enter the shop. She opened the door.
There he was. She could just see the back of him, head down, tidying up papers. Suddenly everything that had seemed so clear wasn’t so clear anymore. She closed her eyes and took a breath. How is it possible to have so many things to say and yet find absolutely no words? That was a new thing for her. ‘I think I’m gonna need to get used to how this boy affects me’, she thought.
When she opened her eyes she realized he had turned over and was looking at her. Their eyes crossed, she saw in front of her a sad and teary Theo looking back at her.
“Why are you here Eloise? I thought we were done, that you didn’t want anything to with me”
She took a few steps towards him.
“I discovered my best friend has been lying to me. About the very thing we were searching for.”
He took a few steps towards her.
“About Lady Whistledown? You found her?”
Tears appeared in Eloise’s eyes, she lowered her head and she whispered “Yes”.
Then she took another breath, raising her eyes to meet his.
“Oh Theo.. I was so wrong about all of this. I feel like such a fool. She was there this whole time, she was my confidant, the person I felt closest to.”
“She was your friend? You mean the one you talked about, kind hearted Penelope?
Eloise just nodded, tears falling on her cheeks.
“I am feeling so many emotions right now I don’t know what to do with them. I was wrong about this and I wonder if that has led me to make wrong decisions about other things too.”
He said nothing but was looking at her with his sweet and kind eyes, his body moving toward hers ever so slightly, as if he had no control over that attraction.
Finally, his eyes locked with hers, and he said:
“Other things like what?”
She stroked his cheek gently.
“Like acting on what I feel for you. You helped me open my mind to new ideas, new ways this society could change. I thought I was being careless, seeing you almost everyday, and having my head filled with more of you each day. But now I think I was wrong. I think it was ok. And I think I should have let you kiss me”
A shy smile appeared on his face and he stroked her cheek.
“You wanted me to kiss you? Well, Miss Eloise..
She cut him, putting a finger on his lips.
“To you, just Eloise. And yes, I did. I have never been kissed, you know. And as you know I love learning. I figure romance might not be so bad after all, but really, the only way to learn more about it, is practice. I think I would like that. With you, that is. If you’re not against it. I mean. If you still want it.”
She saw his face getting closer and closer, and he stopped just a few centimeters away from her eyes.
“I do want it, I think. Well, I am quite sure actually. You’ve been on my mind since you left the other day. You’re quite difficult to forget.”
“Hum, difficult to forget? Well, I mean, that’s only fair, as you were the one on my mind too. If you’re gonna annoy me even when you’re not there in the flesh, I might as well annoy you too. I am a feminist after all. Men and women should have equal rights, we talked about this, don’t you agree?”
“I annoy you? Well, let me tell you that..”
But he did not have the time to finish his sentence, as Eloise lips had suddenly moved so close he was left unable to speak, his heart beating fast. And when their lips finally touched, he didn’t even want to speak anymore. And neither did she.