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Adrien sat thinking about Nino’s plan. He had created a resistance and wanted to videotape an akumatization. More specifically, Nino wanted to akumatize his father. It was shocking, certainly, but Adrien knew that Nino didn’t like his father. He’d certainly never hidden it, and his father was unreasonable, most of the time, except for today. Which he was being strangely nice for.
But Alya had a point. An akumatization could be dangerous and maybe evil. Even if Marinette thought that Ladybug would approve, Adrien wasn’t sure, but Adrien knew a solution.
“What if we akumatize Nino instead?” he asked. Everyone stared at him, gaping in shock.
“Dude,” Nino admonished, “Not cool.”
Adrien shook his head. “No, seriously. Alya is raising some good points. Making someone akumatized, on purpose, isn’t very nice, and I’m not sure that Ladybug would approve, but if we akumatize one of us, that’s not nearly as bad because we know what we’re in for.”
“But why Nino?” Alya asked, clearly defensive over her boyfriend.
“Because Nino won’t hurt me,” Adrien answered, with the same sort of tone that he’d say if he was telling someone that the sky was blue. “The first time he was akumatized, he threw me a party, and the second time, he told me to stay out of his way and then he pushed me. Nino, no matter what happens, I trust you.”
Nino gave him a look . “No offense, dude, but I seriously doubt you can akumatize me if we’re expecting it. Plus, what happens if my next akuma isn’t so nice? I mean, I still pushed you, and akumas attack their loved ones all the time.”
Adrien frowned and pointed out, “The Collector is crazy fast and very good at capturing people. I’d rather take my chances with you. Plus, I bet I can make you crazy with worry and make you mad at Ladybug. Then, Monarch will have no choice but to akumatize you.”
Marinette stared at him skeptically. “What could you possibly say that would make Ladybug mad at you?”
Adrien winced and rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “I’d probably be burning some bridges if I told you guys, but I can do it if we really want to do this.”
Marinette took a deep breath and held onto Alya’s hand. Alya’s face looked somber but her eyes held her deep curiosity. Nino though, Nino was scared but he nodded, intent on doing anything he could to save his family.
“Okay,” Marinette said, firmly, “let’s hear it.”
Adrien took a deep breath and then- because he knew Nino had a weird habit of blaming everyone around Adrien whenever he admitted to screwing things up- quietly admitted, “I was the one responsible for Monarch getting all the Miraculous.”
Marinette looked at though he slapped her, and Alya’s eyes went wide in horror. Nino, though, grabbed Adrien’s shoulder.
“Dude, no,” he told Adrien softly. “There’s no way you were. Trust me.”
Adrien shook his head. He needed to get Nino upset. Really upset. So he had to explain everything.
“I…I didn’t want to go on that trip. I was going to have to spend months away from all my friends, everyone I cared about, with only Lila.” Adrien heaved a deep breath and threw away everything he knew about Agrestes always keeping their word, as he admitted, “I don’t even like her. Like at all. I just have to put up with her because I made a deal that she’d be my friend if I made her get Marinette unexpelled and stop messing with her.”
The air grew colder under the steel of Nino’s gaze. Alya looked ready to kill, and Marinette looked shocked and appalled. Adrien frowned. That wasn’t quite right. He needed Nino akumatized, not any of them. He didn’t understand why they were freaking out too. Usually that was just a Nino thing.
“Go on,” Alya said, her voice low and threatening.
“Did- um…Did Lila do anything to you?” Marinette asked, refusing to meet his eyes.
Adrien shrugged. “She’s a little pushy, a lot clingy, and very needy. But she’s never hurt me.”
“Clingy how?” Alya asked. She had that tone that Adrien knew well. He’d heard it from many adults when he was on the verge of getting himself or someone he knew in trouble from something “innocent” that he was saying. He needed to change the conversation. Yesterday.
“Nothing that Chloe hasn’t done,” Adrien answered, deliberately being as nonchalant as possible under Nino and Alya’s barely concealed wrath. “Anyways, back to the story.”
Although all 3 of his friends tried to look less upset, Marinette was the only one who managed to look like she even wanted to go back to the story. Adrien could already tell that he’d be fending off Alya and Nino’s questions for days. Adrien did his best to avoid showing his annoyance. He knew what he was getting into, and this was going to be worth it.
“I’m really sorry, Nino, for not telling you. I just…” Adrien looked away, not daring to meet his best friend’s eyes. “I didn’t think that anyone would believe that I didn’t want to go. I mean, it’s a good opportunity, no, a great one. Who would want to pass that up? And it seemed selfish to not want to. And when I tried to talk to my Father about it, he didn’t even want to hear it. I should’ve pressed harder. I should’ve said something. But, I just went back to my room.”
Adrien fidgeted nervously, and said, “I should’ve told you, Nino. You’re my best friend, but I must’ve used up all my courage telling Marinette. I just...couldn’t.” Adrien’s shoulders slumped in defeat and shame. If only he’d been stronger…
Nino surprised Adrien in that moment with a hug. Adrien blinked in surprise. How could Nino take his confession that he didn’t trust him, didn’t believe in him, and decide to hug him?
“Adrien,” Nino said, looking him in the eyes and Adrien could feel the sincerity pouring out of him. “Your father’s a completely irrational, emotionally constipated jerk. I can totally believe that he would do that, but trust me. No matter what happens, no matter what you feel, I will never do that to you. Not in a million years. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter how busy I am. What you want and what you feel matters to me.”
Adrien smiled at him gratefully. Nino really was the best. But he had to continue.
“Felix came to my house, and I met with him after school. He said that he could see that I was miserable, that anyone could see it. He said that if I couldn’t tell my father no, then he’d do it for me,” Adrien fidgeted in guilt. “I let him dress up as me. I let him take my place, but if Felix was really trying to say no for me, he must’ve failed. Because they took him to the train station.”
“I tried to stop them,” Adrien insisted, feeling a need to defend himself in case his friends thought poorly of his cowardice. “I really did. But then the senti-monster showed up, and Chat Noir hid me somewhere safe and told me to stay put. So, I did. And after the fight, I went home because, well, what else was I supposed to do? I can’t catch a train by myself.”
Adrien ducked his head as he went onto the next one, “Ladybug was there. She was asking me for the Dog Miraculous, but I didn’t have it. I realized that she’d mistaken me for Felix, and I was super mad because he must’ve betrayed her. And then he used fetch to get her yoyo, and I knew what I should’ve done. I should’ve taken off her Miraculous so he couldn’t get the Miraculous, but she was panicking, and I didn’t want to make it worse. I thought we had time. Not a lot but a little, so I helped her calm down and had her go into the bathroom so she could have privacy but…” Adrien shook his head.
“Father’s right,” Adrien admitted softly. “I’m way too emotional. I should’ve just done it. Yeah, Ladybug would’ve been mad, but she’d still have the Miraculous.”
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see, not Nino, but Marinette, looking at him softly. “You did the right thing,” she assured him. “I’m sure Ladybug appreciates it.”
Adrien shook his head. “She blames me. She knows it was Felix who betrayed her, but I was the reason that Felix could’ve betrayed her in the first place. I should’ve just stood up for myself. I could;ve told Felix no. I should’ve told Ladybug that I never wanted to be a hero ever again in the first place.”
Everyone around him gasped in shock, and Adrien flinched. He’d accidentally revealed he was a reason. It was yet another reason that Ladybug would be mad at him. Adrien curled up, hating this feeling of constant failure and feeling tripped up. This went against his nature. It went against everything, but it was for Paris, he reminded himself. It was for Ladybug. It was to recover the kwamis.
“I was the hero Aspik,” Adrien confirmed, so quiet that he wasn’t sure the others could hear him. “I was the Snake. I could make time loops, and I did 25,913 loops trying to save Ladybug from Desperada.”
Marinette turned pale and looked like she’d been punched in the gut. Alya held onto her for support and stared at Adrien. Nino looked like he was about to throw up.
“That can’t be right,” Alya insisted, shaking her head with a skeptical frown. “Viperion is the Snake. He’s the one who helped that day, not some guy named Aspik.”
“He was the guy after me,” Adrien told them. “After I gave up. After I failed. No matter how hard I tried, I failed. I did everything I could think of. I tried countless exits. I did tons of routes. I tried timing everything down perfectly, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.”
“I’m sure you did everything you could,” Nino said, comfortingly, but ADrien didn’t need comfort. He needed to hurt Nino. Make him want to destroy Ladybug.
So Adrien looked Nino dead in the eyes and told him, “I remember everything from those loops. I remember every breath, every second, every step. I remember every time Ladybug poofed because Desperada sniped her. Again and again and again. It was exhausting after a while. Not physically, because every loop leaves you just as healthy and energetic as you were when it started. I couldn’t even get tired , but I just…wanted a break, a way out, but I couldn’t stop or else Ladybug would die.”
Everyone looked horrified now. Good. Adrien continued, undaunted. “I couldn’t sit there and just breathe, take a moment because when I did, I could feel myself ingraining every breath into my brain, and it wasn’t helping. So I did weird things, stress relief really. I figured that if Ladybug couldn’t remember it, and I was still trying to get us through it safely, what was the harm?”
“One of the things I did was tell her my greatest secret,” Adrien told them, “and the way she looked at me. I’ll never forget that face. I’ve never seen that look on her before or since. I don’t know if she was horrified or surprised or amazed or disgusted or hated me.”
“I’m sure that whatever it was, she didn’t hate you,” Alya told him, reassuringly. “She could never hate you.”
Adrien shook his head. “She barely even knows me. To her, I’m just the guy who screwed up being the snake and helped lose all the Miraculous. She couldn’t even tell me from Felix. I spent months with her, but to her, it was just a few seconds. Everytime I see her, I have to remind myself that I’m a stranger to her. I’m just some model who once royally screwed up.”
Alya shook her head, “Don’t you get it though? She gave you a Miraculous. She trusted you with that. You don’t do that for strangers. Even if she doesn’t remember the time you spent together, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. She’s not crazy. She doesn’t trust just anyone .”
“Yeah, dude,” Nino said, wrapping an arm around Adrien’s shoulder. “I’m sorry your time as a hero sucked, and that we didn’t get to fight together or anything, but she must not have been too mad at you if she gave you another one.”
Adrien shook his head in frustration. Any other time, he’d be drawn to tears over his friend’s kindness, but he really needed to get them mad and angry to get this to work. He had to do this. He had to. There had to be something, anything that Adrien had kept from Nino that would upset him.
“I was the one who told Chat Noir to talk to Alya,” Adrien told Nino.
“Really?” Nino said, his voice thick with sentimentality. “Thank you, dude. I appreciate it.”
Shocked, Adrien pointed out, “I got you akumatized!”
“But you got me and Alya to talk about our feelings and really work out the kinks in our relationship,” Nino reassured him.
“I told Chat you and Alya’s secret identities as soon as I heard it,” Adrien told him.
“I’m pretty sure that he already knew,” Nino replied, unconcerned.
“He didn’t,” Adrien informed him, bitterly. “And he was very upset that Ladybug let you two share each other’s secret identities without any consequences, but I mean that was the case with everyone, wasn’t it? The rules didn’t apply to everyone equally. Everyone was able to share their secret identities. Everyone except me and Chat. Even Ladybug got to share her secret identity with someone. Maybe everyone. Who knows?”
“Dude,” Nino said, looking shocked. “Are you- are you jealous that Alya and I shared our secret identities with each other?”
“No!” Adrien insisted.
Nino laughed, “Dude, I’m sorry, but you’re a terrible liar.”
Adrien frowned. “But I’m not,” he admitted. “I lie to you. I lie to my father. I lie to my friends. I lie to everyone, and everyone believes me. Everyone loves Adrien Agreste, the perfect little model with all the perfect little hobbies, but I'm not even a model anymore. Not that I want to go back! I don’t. I love having all this new freetime now, but…” Adrien sighed, remembering dozens and dozens of empty hours doing anything and everything he could to keep the crushing feeling of emptiness from his mind. “I don’t know what to do with it. It’s hard to know who I am without it, and the only other way I’ve ever been, nobody really seems to like.”
Nino held Adrien’s shoulders, and Adrien relaxed at the comforting weight. “Adrien, I promise you, you are so much more than just a model. If you need help figuring out who you are, I’ll help you. I’m sure that Marinette and Alya will too. We’re your friends. So whatever you need, we’re here for you. If you wanna explore hobbies, we can do that. If you want to goof off, we can do that. If you just want to talk, guess what? We’re not going to abandon you.”
“What if I’m annoying or obnoxious or I’m too silly for you to take seriously?” Adrien asked, frustrated.
“You could crack non-stop jokes, and you’ll still be my best bro,” Nino replied.
“What if I’m awful inside?” Adrien asked, suddenly desperate. Nino wasn't acting like he should. He was wrong. He just had to be. “What if I’m just useless and needy? What if I just use people to get what I want? What if I never tell you the truth and I just lie and lie and lie? What if all the stuff you like about me is just made up for my personal brand?”
Nino hugged him again. “I know you,” he told Adrien. “I don’t know those ads or those interviews or those championships, and you’re not a good liar to keep me from seeing the person you are underneath. I don’t care what your dad says. You are not over-emotional. You are not useless. You are not just a pretty face. You’re my best friend. No matter what secrets you have. No matter what parts of yourself you want to figure out, I’ll be there every step of the way.”
They stayed like that for a few minutes before Adrien admitted defeat. “We’re still going to have to akumatize my father, aren’t we?” he asked.
“I might actually die if we do not,” Nino replied.
Adrien sighed. “Everyone, make sure you have your running shoes.”