Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ping 

(Unknown Number)

Ned help!

Ned I got stabbed!

(Unknown Number)

This isn’t Ned.

How did you get stabbed?

(Unknown Number)

Ned this isn’t funny it’s bleeding a lot. 

(Unknown Number)

I’m not Ned

How deep is it?

(Unknown Number)

I can see yellow stuff. 

(Unknown Number)

Okay, so apply pressure, and clean the wound. Then, grab your first aid kit, and grab the needle and thread, use a basic stitch and pull tightly. 

After you finish, put the gauze or something over it.

How did you get stabbed?

(Unknown Number)

i was on a late night walk

and someone was feeling ✨✨stabby✨✨

Who r u?

(Unknown Number)

That’s classified, why were you walking at night?

In New York?

(Unknown Number)

because im quirky like that.  

art thou a spy?

(Unknown Number)

???

Why do you think that?

(Unknown Number)

Only a spy or police would say ThAt’s ClAsSiFiEd

So yeah. 

Unknown Number changed Unknown number’s name to Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound. 

(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)

Really kid?

(Unknown Number)

how do you know I’m a kid?

🤔🤔

(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)

You type like one. 

What’s your name?

(Unknown Number)

ThAt’S cLaSsIfIed-

(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)

Real original. In that case.

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.  Has changed Unknown Number’s name to A Child. 

_____________

Peter fondly smiled at his phone, he was not a child! He was a teenager. Thank you very much!

“Peter, I'm back with the pizza!”

“Coming Aunt May!”

Typing a quick farewell, he ran down the hall and practically appeared at the table. 

“That was quick! What’s got you so happy?”

“You know when you type something wrong? “

“Yes?”

“I typed Ned’s new number wrong, and found myself in contact with a new person! I’m pretty sure we’re friends!”

“Good going Peter!”

About twenty minutes later, May left to work a late shift. And Peter dawned his Spider-Man suit. 

_____________

Natasha stared at her phone, that was interesting. Rolling her eyes, she made her way down to the common room, where Clint appeared to be tormenting Sam from above in the vents with Pietro. 

“Stop it!”

“No!”

“What are you! Five!?”

“Nope! Admit you stop my chocolate bar!”

“Oh that was yours?” 

“Yes!”

“Sorry alright!”

“It had my name on it! How did you miss that!?”

“My eyesight! Is not that good!”

She sighed. 

“Friday?”

“Yes Miss Natasha?”

“Are you recording this?”

“I have been for the last twenty minutes. “

“Send it to me will you?”

“Of course. “

She rolled her eyes and gave a low sigh as Clint threw his hearing aid at Sam. 

She was going to have stop this, but was she, nah. 

“ Nick Fury wishes to speak with the avengers”

____________

Later that night. 

___________

Spider-Man swung from rooftop to rooftop, stopping crime, and saving cars from trees. 

And stopping guys that were feeling stabby that day. 

Eventually around midnight he turned in. 

But insomnia was truly a powerful foe when you were a teenage superhero. 

Who worked after hours. 

And his gummy melatonin tablets were out. 

His eyes drifted to his phone. 

Was he going to bother his new friend?

Yes. 

Yes he was. 

________________

A Child. 

Hey. 

Hey. 

Hey. 

Hey. 

Hey. 

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound

What ребенок?

A Child

Child really?

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound. 

You know Russian?

A Child. 

Yep!

Because I’m quirky like that!

Anyways-

__________-

Peter let loose a soft sigh, that was really really close . 

If he had spilled that secret, he might as well say, he was born in the Red Room and trained in Hydra. 

__________

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound. 

Why are you up? Isn’t a school night. 

A Child. 

As a wise man once said “thou art a bitch insomnia “

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound 

‘Snort’ true

A Child

Did u just snort over text?

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound 

Yes, you got a prob with that?

A Child

Jerk!

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound

How’s the stab wound, in case you didn't notice, I am not pleased that you didn’t go to a hospital. 

A Child

Ew grammar. 

________

Natasha snorted lightly into her hand, yes this was a child. 

“Natasha is there something you wou like to share with the class?”

“Nope. “

________

Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound 

Yes, grammar. Use it, it’ll get you a job!

A Child. 

Rude. Anyhow, the stab wound is doing nicely, you sound like my mom, granted I only knew her for the first three years of my life-

Oh hey!

A Child. has changed Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound’s name to шпион мама

A Child. 

Lol imagine having a childhood!

шпион мама

Kid don’t joke about that. 

A Child. 

Who you gonna tell? My mom? Jokes on you!

Okay but I’m all seriousness, from the bottom of my heart, I am very very sorry. Don’t block me, you are the first friend who doesn’t think I’m weird, or that sticks around me because I stand up to bullies for them-sry not sry Star Wars Buddy

шпион мама

It’s okay kid, one of my friends jokes as a result of trauma as well. 

A Child. 

Still sry. 

Anyhow-

My friends also have trauma- 

One was raised in unpleasant circumstances, another was abused for being different, then there’s me, we are a ✨quirky✨ bunch. 

шпион мама

That’s a lot of trauma, so you need therapy?

A Child. 

You are really like my mom. 

It’s kinda scary. 

шпион мама

Did you just use proper grammar?

Or am I going insane?

Also why are you fire walls so good?

A Child. 

yes, shut up. 

I like my privacy. 

шпион мама

Like wise. 

A Child. 

I’m going to try to get some sleep before I cuss someone out in Russian. 

шпион мама

Good night 

Also why is that a bad thing?

A Child. 

I got tired of a bully being mean so I began to call him a ублюдок and say it meant some thing else, eventually one of his friends caught on, long story short I got a three day suspension because his family is rich as fuck, don’t you dare say language. And they donate a lot to the school, he’s not that smart so he usually cheats. 

шпион мама

That’s rough, anyhow get some sleep.

A Child. 

Спокойной ночи

__________

Peter crawled into bed. His head pounded from a heavy blow he got earlier, it became clear to him he had a concussion. 

He was fine. 

Hydra had done worse. 

__________

Natasha looked back up at the meeting. 

“I need you lot to track down Spider Man and get his real identity. “

“Why?”

“So we can make sure he is doing things legally.”

“He looks after the small guys while we do the big stuff, plus he’s funny. “

Really Tony?

“It’s better if we know this so we can-“

“Treat him like a criminal like the Accords, would we do?”

“Offer him a place in the Avengers. “

“Fine, but only for that reason.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. 

Chapter Text

_______\_\\\\\\

A Child

Her hey hey hey!

Spy Lady!

I need help!

How does one calm an angry woman?

шпион мама

Chocolate will do wonders kid. 

Or Cheesecakes. 

A Child. 

Thanks miss spy lady

ur a life saver. 

шпион мама

Honestly, does your phone not autocorrect?

A Child. 

no

шпион мама

OkahanfocmsbrhdjsnenfsnbejcjaHjfjsjc

A Child. 

Miss spy lady?

шпион мама

This is her best friend, who are you unidentified child?

____________

“Clint you’re a dead bird if you don’t give me my phone back!”

Clint clamored through the vents, smirking and he put the kid’s number in his own phone, before heading to the safe haven of the vents. 

_____________

A Child

SiR hOw ArE yOu NoT dEaD?

шпион мама

Oh I probably will die when she gets her hands on me

But whatever lol. 

A Child. 

anyhow, do you have any advice for calming down an angry girl who is very scary might I add. 

шпион мама

Oh shit she founeassgrkvsjrnxiqnrckfmenx

Don’t listen to him, kid. 

A Child. 

hi miss spy lady. 

please don’t kill your friend. 

шпион мама

He stole my phone, he’s not getting off easy. 

A Child. 

just don’t kill him.

шпион мама

Fine I won’t kill him to badly, his wife would be furious. 

A Child. 

Okay. 

But do you have advice for calming down an angry woman. 

шпион мама

Yeah. Chocolate. Like I said earlier. 

A Child 

Oh thanks. !

____________

Peter reached into his bag and produced a small handful of Dove chocolate, he looked up at an angry Mj before meekly handing them over. The angry girl narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Is this some sort of bribe?”

He looked up and offered a small grin. ( those who beheld it felt like they had been blessed.  )

“Is it working?”

Mj shrugged and accepted them. 

“You’re forgiven for getting stabbed and not telling me. “

Peter gave a shy smile before looking down at his phone as it buzzed. 

An unknown number?

Wait just a fudging minute. 

______________________

A Child. 

Let me guess. 

?????

I know this looks bad-

A Child. 

шпион мама friend?

How are you alive

A Child has renamed ????? To the Walking dead. 

The Walking dead

Offense has been taken. 

A Child. 

Oh sry you can change it if you want-

I mean not a lot of people keep the name’s I give them-

The Walking Dead. 

Bro you just set off Nat's maternal instinct. 

Help. 

Kid she’s gonna kill me!

Kid call her off!

Kid?

_______________

Natasha stalked in the direction of Clint’s room. She didn’t know what, how or why, she just knew it was Clint’s fault. 

When the door slammed open, she glared at him, he gulped and quickly hid his phone. 

“Clint, what did you do?”

He gulped and sent off one last text. 

Natasha lunged, pinned him down, wrestling his phone from his hand, and glaring at the screen. Her eyes widened at the sight of a familiar name. 

“Clint, if you hurt his feelings…” letting her voice trail off. She yes landed on the point where Clint’s name had been changed, her kid- no-  the kid, had given him the name ‘The Walking Dead’

Fitting. 

And Clint had somehow found it in him to hurt his feelings.

Turning, she found where Clint had been sitting, empty, her grin sharpened. 

Oh looks like she was hunting for a bird today. 

______________

Chapter Text

A Child. 

Miss spy lady ma’am. 

Would anyone care if I dunno just disappeared?

шпион мама

What do you mean?

Kid?

A Child. 

I have vry  bad luck, and got muggged. 

I have be3n st abEd in a MorE veti area.

шпион мама

Kid where are you?

A Child 

In m rom?

шпион мама

Why are you in your room?

…

Kid?

__________\\

Peter groaned in pain as he stitched up the 4th stab wound. Everything hurt, and he didn’t know why, he had texted the mysterious friend during his hazy thoughts. Most of his stab wounds had been stitched, this one was deeper.  Peter winched as he finished stitching the last one, none of them were as deep as the last one. 

He knew how to stitch shallow wounds, but deeper ones, he never stuck around with Hydra to find out. Putting the kit away, he turned to his nearly dead phone, and snatched it up, his costume was ruined, and in need of repair, but he should try to reassure his new friend. 

_____________

A Child

Sry Miss spy lady!

I should probs go to sleep, I have school tmrw. 

шпион мама

Kid. Don’t go to school, go to a hospital!

You’ve been stabbed like what, twice now?

A Child. 

I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that!

Good Night!

шпион мама

Go to a hospital!

Kid don’t ignore me!

A Child. 

Going to sleep. 

Gn 

____________

Natasha looked down at her screen, worry painted across her face as she began looking through Spider-man’s latest works. Maybe she would find a stabbing victim, and by extension this child. 

Spider man cleaning up after his fights was completely normal. 

This would be hard. 

___________

Peter would not recommend going to school after getting stabbed 5 times. Zero out of ten, would not recommend. He fell asleep in one class and got detention, Mj punched Flash at one point and also got detention, and Ned also fell asleep due to staying up late watching Star War. 

So the trip was in detention , and Peter told them about his must friends and getting stabbed again. Which had resulted in a smack over the head, and glared at by his duo of friends. 

The glares faded as they watched one of the Captain America CA’s. They never failed to brighten Peter’s day. They were hilarious and Peter loved them. 

Mj snorted as Captain America went on about how getting proper sleep at night will prevent us from seeing him again. 

Eventually they were let out of detention, and they made their way to Ned’s house, mostly so they could do some quick repairs on the Spidey suit. Peter laughed with them at some poor Hydra memes. 

Ned perked up and turned up the police radio which was currently talking about a bank robbery five blocks down. Peter rolled his eyes and muttered about taking a night off. 

What Peter didn’t know, was the Avengers tearing their hair out because Spider Man never showed up. 

Chapter Text

_____________

Ping

(Unknown Number)

Who is this? Why are you on Natasha’s phone?

A Child

Sir or ma’am , respectfully, HoW aRE yOu AlIvE?

(Unknown Number)

Because I am. 

Who is this, why are your firewalls so good?

A Child

Because they are?

Miss Spy Lady asked that too. 

Stop trying to hack my phone🥲

(Unknown Number)

KiD hOw dId yOu MaKe Me FeEl LiKe I kIlLeD a DoG oVeR tExT?

A Child.

Skills. 

What are you good at?

(Unknown Number)

Making tech. 

A Child

Okay. 

A Child has changed Unknown Number’s name to Mr Technician

Mr Technician

Alright cool I guess  

A Child

:)

Mr Technician. 

I’m going to regret this. 

————————

Peter stared at his phone in confusion, what was he talking about?

_______________

Ping 

You have been added to a group chat with Mr Technician, шпион мама, The Walking Dead and several unknown numbers.

 шпион мама

Tony…. Why were you on my phone?

Mr Technician. 

Sorry Nat, had to be done. 

A Child. 

Hi шпион мама!

шпион мама

Hello child. 

The Walking Dead. 

Hey kid. 

Unknown Number

What is going on?

Unknown Number

Why is there an unknown in here?

Unknown Number

Tony what is this?

________________

Peter dropped his phone, oh, oh crap. He had been texting the avengers?