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Kohane had always thought she was the perfect example of what an average person would be like. She grew up thinking she had nothing special to offer, no talent nor exceptional beauty; she liked animals and photography and had quite a small circle of friends whom she loved dearly. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her, and to be completely honest, she was quite happy about it.
In this fragment of time, however, this precise moment in her life in which everything she knew was brutally turned upside-down, Kohane finally started to question her whole way of thinking.
Her lack of confidence was almost crushing, and the urge to lower her gaze whenever someone addressed her was a monster she couldn’t beat yet. There were a million tiny voices whispering in her head, a dislocated path of thoughts that lead to her squinting her eyes as hard as she could and to constantly have her fists clenched.
It was almost humiliating, to be forced to give up against your own head.
There was this peculiar shade of light in An’s eyes when she looked at her, though, something so strong that made her stomach twist and turn and her heart soar impossibly high – before she could even think about it, she was willing to follow An through the gates of hell and beyond, lead by a feeling she couldn’t even name. Before she could even think about it, Kohane broke her own shell with her bare hands and she found herself cutting her hair short, changing her style and dedicating her life to a newfound, burning love for music.
An had twisted the kaleidoscope hidden behind her eyes, and everything in Kohane’s world was now overflowing with her colors.
/
Fall was one of her favorite seasons. Nature was changing its colors, basking in the sunlight for the last time before winter came – Kohane loved the new shades of the trees and the sound her boots made whenever she walked on a pile of dead leaves. She loved how everything smelled faintly of cinnamon and sugar, how every bakery she knew was halfway ready for Christmas and she loved the super special latte An served at her cafe.
She liked the way Akito matched with the scenery and how content Touya looked while drinking his spiced coffee, but mostly she loved when An held her hands and wrapped her in her giant scarf – nothing could ever compare to the golden shards shining bright in her irises, or how her nose scrunched up a bit when she was genuinely happy. Kohane found herself at a loss for words more than once – maybe every single time An looked at her with nothing but pride in her eyes, maybe every single time An was somehow involved with her trail of thoughts.
Akito once told her that he loved her photos, so she started taking pictures of their silly moments together and bought a small photo album keep her favorites. An was always there, with her charming smile and star-filled eyes, and the more Kohane looked at all those pictures the more she thought she was undeserving of such luck and affection.
She spent the whole season trying to fill her precious album, so that she could try to show her friends how magnificent they looked in her eyes – she took a picture when Akito fell asleep in an awful position on the couch and another one when Touya put a blanket over him; she took a picture of An and Akito absolutely demolishing a tower of pancakes, their eyes brimming with determination; she took a picture of Touya smiling at the arcade and a thousand more fragments of time she jealously kept in a tiny drawer right next to her heart.
As she flipped through the pages, Kohane noticed that An was an abiding presence in almost every picture she took. A particular one caught her eye – An was smiling at the camera, her gaze soft and loving. She was wearing a brown coat and a blue scarf, her loose hair drawing a lovely aura in the light of the dusk.
Kohane found herself staring at that picture for hours.
“An-chan, slow down!”
Kohane was being dragged by the hand once again, but she didn’t mind at all. An was so focused on showing her the new bakery she had found that she forgot about the passing of time – it was half past five and the sky was already getting darker, but no one wanted to go home just yet.
“We’re almost there! You’ll love it, trust me. I immediately thought of you when I saw this place and the delicious cinnamon buns they sell.”
Kohane felt her heart skip a beat. An was holding her hand and walking at the speed of light when her world stopped for a second – Kohane would have never thought that someone could think of her so highly, and the idea of being in An’s thoughts so often made her weak in the knees.
“I trust you, An-chan.”
I always will, were the words Kohane didn’t dare to say.
“I have to make sure not to mislead you, then!”
An had a smile that could light up a whole room. She was so spontaneously bright that sometimes it was hard for Kohane not to simply stare at her, basking in her light like it was the only star she would ever need.
“An-chan, wait,” Kohane stopped in her tracks and raised her camera. “can I take a picture?”
“Of course.”
An stepped aside.
“No, I want to take a picture of you. This light suits you so nicely that it would be a waste not to frame it in time.”
“Ah.” An scratched her nose as she went back in her original position. She looked at Kohane and winked, giving her a thumbs up. “I don’t think I’m a good subject, but whatever makes you happy, Kohane.”
You’re not “a good subject”, you’re my favorite one, were the words Kohane wasn’t brave enough to say.
Click.
Kohane ran towards An and interlaced their fingers together once again. “Let’s go, An-chan.”
/
In the back of her mind, winter had always rhymed with light.
She was a child when she first walked the streets of her town, hand in hand with her mother, above them a seemingly infinite sea of lights – the sky was pitch-black and gloomy, and yet Kohane felt like every single human being living there was fighting the impending darkness with some sort of lighting. It was fascinating and heartwarming, how these tiny creatures lost in the universe tried to lessen their fears and warm their souls.
It was fascinating and heartwarming, and it was exactly what Kohane felt when she was with her friends. She was following a torch in a sea of doubt, and she was clinging so hard onto it that her hands were shaking.
“Kohane, you’re spacing out again.”
Akito’s voice was always firm, commanding, and even if she was getting almost used to it, she still jolted before turning towards him.
“Ah. Am I?”
“Yeah. Yeah, you are. Something’s on your mind?”
Kohane closed her eyes. There were a lot of things on her mind, but no words came out of her mouth – she wanted to tell him that everything around her was too warm and too bright and she couldn’t focus on her own thoughts, she wanted to tell him that An’s hand was too pleasant against her wrist and the scarf she was wearing was way too big for her to handle. She wanted to tell him that she was so happy to be there with all of them that it was almost unbearable, and that she kept being silent because she didn’t want to ruin the precious memories she was carving into her heart.
Kohane was an excellent observer, and she soon came to know that Akito was an excellent observer as well.
“I’m just happy to be here with you all. Winter is so nice, don’t you think?”
Akito looked mean and scary, he had a sharp tongue and an even sharper mind – but when he nodded softly, trying to hide a smile into his scarf, Kohane knew that she had gotten under his skin.
As they walked together, An’s grip on her wrist tightened and Kohane started thinking again.
Winter suited her friends just as nicely as fall did.
In her eyes, Touya was a picture-perfect representation of what winter should be, with his cold eyes and porcelain white skin; his smile a half-moon rarer than a chunk of gold. Maybe it was the way his hair parted, neatly combed and always so well-kept, or the neutral tones he wore, which complimented his style so well. Kohane took many pictures of Touya during winter, and she really loved how contrasting they looked next to Akito’s fall ones.
Akito wasn’t a winter person. He was bright, loud and fiery, and Kohane started associating him with a wildfire in a pine forest. His pictures were always stained with orange, a recognizable, burning light that couldn’t be lost nor mistaken. She liked the way his eyes shone in the dark, clever and mysterious, and the way he couldn’t bring himself to keep that mask on for too long when they were around.
And then there was An.
An was way too warm to be considered a winter person – she had sun-kissed skin and honey-glazed eyes, a sprinkle of freckles on her nose and the warmth of August nights hidden behind her smile.
And yet she smelled like cinnamon and ginger, her hands stained with softened butter and chocolate; she wore the softest sweaters and she loved humming to Christmas tunes, dancing around while washing the dishes at the cafe – and it was captivating, how she always seemed to be the right person at the right time.
“Dance with me, Kohane.”
There were no customers in sight, An was holding a broomstick and Kohane was about to finish her milkshake.
“Come again?”
“I said,” An bowed before her and offered her hand. “dance with me, Kohane.”
Kohane knew there was no way out.
“I don’t know how to dance, An-chan.” And yet she was already on her feet, her hands resting on An’s shoulders before she could even process it.
“I don’t know how to dance either, but that’s the fun of it!” Her smile was contagious. “I’ll try not to step on your feet, I swear.”
An placed a hand on her waist and took a step forward. The radio was playing a dumb tune, something that was definitely not suited for a dance – but An looked like she was having the time of her life and Kohane couldn’t help but follow her.
She would have followed her everywhere.
“You’re terrible at this, An-chan.”
“I know, I know. You’re not bad, though!”
Kohane stepped on her feet multiple times. She even made her hit the edge of the table twice, but An just kept on spinning her around.
“I’m terrible too, An-chan. Don’t lie.”
An held her hand above their heads and let her spin one last time.
“But I love dancing with you, even if we’re terrible at it. We should keep practicing.”
Kohane felt a rush of blood to her head, and suddenly An’s laughter was the only melody she had ever heard.
/
Spring was meant for rebirths.
Kohane was born in March, and she was used to celebrate her birthday when the world around her was coming back to life, eager to shrug off the cold and start anew. Flowers were sprouting, trees were getting green again and the small animals she loved were finally coming out of their dens.
Primroses, lilies of the valleys, tulips and forget-me-nots: Kohane loved all those kinds of flowers that came out in early March, when winter was almost over but spring was still not ready to replace it. They were born in the middle, the concrete manifestation of this seemingly impossible coexistence, and Kohane loved to think that they were just like her.
On March 2, when she opened the door at 7.30 in the morning and found An, Akito and Touya standing before her, Kohane came to think that her winter was finally over.
She did tear up a little, even if An almost dropped the cupcakes they baked for her. She did tear up a little, when they all wished her a happy birthday and literally ran to school hoping not to be too late. She did tear up a little, when Akito and Touya came back in a hurry to give her a pretty gift and a pretty letter, then bowed to her mother saying sorry for coming that early in the morning.
We wanted to be the first ones to see you today.
Kohane couldn’t stop smiling, when she saw a pink tulip doodled on the greeting card they bought for her.
They didn’t practice at all, that afternoon.
An literally begged her dad to close the cafe earlier that day, so that they could properly celebrate Kohane’s birthday – she got pancakes, coffee and cake ready for everyone, she inflated some balloons and she hang a birthday banner on the counter.
“Are you ready?” An proudly placed the cake in front of her and smiled. Her eyes reflected the light of the candles and Kohane thought she might get lost in a trance, if she stared for a bit longer. “Do you want to make a wish?”
Akito interrupted her. “No, you have to. It’s your birthday.”
“Kohane.” Touya pointed at her camera. “For your album. I can take a picture, if you want.”
An stepped back, but Kohane was fast enough to grab her sleeve and stop her.
“You can stay.”
Touya turned on the camera and gave them a thumbs up. “I’m ready when you are.”
“You look so dumb, An. It’s painful to watch.”
Akito almost ruined it.
Click.
Kohane blew out the candles, and as she felt her friends screaming and holding her and being genuinely happy, she couldn’t help but think that her wish came true long ago.
“Kohane, wait.” An stopped her at the door. “My gift for you. I have one too.”
Kohane was at a loss for words again, when An handed her a bouquet of tulips and a small box.
“I hope you will like it!”
Kohane did tear up a little, when she opened the box and saw a pendant in the shape of a heart.
/
Kohane used to believe that summer was the season of festivals, fireworks and stars ; that precious part of the year in which everything smelled like watermelon and coconut and it was way too warm outside to think properly. The sky was pretty, the sea was pretty, An was pretty and everything was way too lively and joyous to let her brain overth ink everything once again – so when An randomly asked to join her on an adventure, just the two of us!, her brain couldn’t process her thoughts fast enough to stop her from accepting.
“Where are we going?”
An winked and offered her hand. Kohane held it immediately – it was warm, a little sweaty, and it fitted perfectly in hers.
“Do you trust me?”
Kohane didn’t miss a beat. “Of course I do, An-chan.”
An smiled the brightest when Kohane indulged her.
Summer was the season of festivals, so An brought her to a local fair.
It was a bit crowdy and a bit too hot to be comfortable, but the familiar feeling of An’s fingers holding her wrist was enough to calm her.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her eyes filled with concern. Kohane nodded and An held her close, pointing out all those things she knew Kohane would love – plushies, candies, pretty masks and clothes, goldfishes and turtles.
Kohane wasn’t listening.
She was too focused on An’s arm around her shoulders, or the way her voice was the only sound she could recognize. She was too focused on her pretty hands to actually look at what An was showing her, and she struggled to resist the urge to rest her head on An’s shoulders and close her eyes.
“Kohane,” An called out, her eyes brimming with mirth. “are you having fun?”
Kohane didn’t miss a beat. “Always.”
Summer was the season of fireworks, so An took her hand and lead her to the nicest spot I know! so that they could see the fireworks together.
Kohane wasn’t looking at the fireworks.
An had her eyes fixed on the sky, nothing but genuine joy painted all over her features, and Kohane couldn’t help but have her eyes fixed on An. She wanted to take a picture of her – her pretty face, her sheepish smile, that strand of hair she couldn’t get into her ponytail – and tuck it right next to her heart, her safe space in form of a human being.
“Kohane,” An breathed, a few inches from her ear. “did you like it?”
Kohane didn’t miss a beat. “Of course I did, An-chan.”
Summer was the season of stars, so they were now laying on a blanket in An’s garden, side by side, hoping to catch a shooting star.
“I know nothing about stars, you know?”
An’s voice was soft and sleepy.
“You don’t?”
“I don’t.” An closed her eyes, letting the night breeze wash over her. She was even prettier when bathed in moonlight, Kohane noticed. “I might like them now, though.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m doing this with you.”
Kohane turned to her – she felt her cheeks burn and a million words stuck between her lips, so she decided to be quiet. She raised her hand and tucked An’s hair behind her ears.
Summer had always been the season of festivals, fireworks and stars, but now all Kohane could see was An. Summer had now become An’s season.
“If you think about it, we’re looking at big gassy balls.”
Kohane blinked. “What?”
“Yeah. That’s all I know about stars! They’re big gassy balls that died ages ago and now they’re just floating in the universe.”
Kohane couldn’t stop laughing.
“Hey, I’m serious!”
“An-chan,” Kohane breathed in between giggles, “you’re so dumb sometimes.”
“If it makes you laugh like this,” An turned to her, the ghost of a smile on her lips, “then I will be the dumbest person on Earth. Even dumber than Akito.”
Kohane wasn’t thinking when she cupped An’s cheeks with both hands and leaned in – their first kiss tasted like coconut and watermelon, their second kiss tasted like held back giggles and green tea, their third one was all about those words neither of them had been brave enough to say.
“Kohane.” An pulled back for a second – her hair was a mess, her cheeks were awfully red and her smile was definitely the brightest Kohane had ever seen on her. “Look. A shooting star.”
Kohane didn’t miss a beat. She wasn’t thinking when she closed her eyes and leaned in once again – this time, she had no wishes left to make.