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The path to the other side hummed softly, its gentle glow illuminating the immediate area. The choir members stood around it, their faces shining in the otherworldly light. Ocean fidgeted with her hands in front of her. She stole a glance at Jane, the one they chose to have a second chance. Jane had looked like a ghost before, but her current appearance made her previous one look almost human. Any color she had in her face earlier was completely gone, as if the glowing path had drained the remaining warmth from her. Jane’s mouth was slightly agape, the gap between her front teeth barely visible. Her pitch-black eyes completely reflected the light from the portal; Ocean felt herself getting lost in them. Catching herself staring, Ocean snapped her attention back to the gateway.
The choir members shifted uncomfortably. Aside from Ocean, who was now trying (and failing) to casually look away, all of their attention was focused on Jane. She was standing completely still, seemingly staring at something beyond the portal. Ocean began to open her mouth to say something, but was stopped by the familiar feeling of a cold hand grasping her own.
“Jane…?” Ocean began, but was cut off again when she felt Jane begin pulling at her hand, trying to lead her away. Ocean looked at the rest of the choir, who were all confused and a little concerned. She turned back to Jane, who bore an expression of urgency. Jane tugged at Ocean’s arm once again, more insistent this time. Shooting a quick apologetic expression to the others, Ocean let Jane practically drag her to a secluded area.
It was a small corner that smelt of dust, and was mostly empty save for a few cardboard boxes. Finally releasing Ocean, Jane wobbled over to the corner and plopped down, immediately drawing her knees to her chest. Ocean noticed Jane was shaking; she’s never done that before. She slowly went to sit next to her, gently reaching to hold her as she got close. Accepting the gesture, Jane allowed Ocean to wrap her arms around her as Jane rested her head on Ocean’s shoulder.
“Do you wanna tell me about it?” Ocean asked tentatively. She wasn’t sure how to go about this. She felt Jane shake her head “no”.
“Can I… try and guess?”
Jane thought for a moment, then eventually nodded “yes”. Ocean took a deep breath and tilted her head so that it was resting on top of Jane’s.
“You’re scared, aren’t you?”, Ocean said in a soft murmur. Jane nodded slowly. Ocean felt her reaching to hold her hand, so she gently removed one of her arms from the hug and let her lace their fingers together.
“I don’t want to see it”, Jane whispered shakily.
“You mean the accident?”
“Mhmm.” Ocean felt Jane tighten her grip.
“I don’t want… I can’t…”, Jane struggled. Ocean noticed her breathing starting to come in wracking sobs. With her free hand, she pulled Jane closer. Unsure of what to say, she decided that the best she could do in the moment was to be there for Jane. To hold her, help ground her. She gently ran her thumb along Jane’s face, brushing away her tears, ending the movement holding Jane’s face in her hand. She felt Jane lean into her touch. The two of them sat there, listening to each other’s heartbeats.
The butterflies in Ocean’s stomach were stubborn and insistent, but Ocean, being equally as stubborn, ignored them. Now was not the time; Jane’s feelings came before hers right now. Her little schoolgirl crush wouldn't matter anymore anyways. Ocean would do anything for Jane, which she knew meant letting her go. It broke her heart more than anything, but she also loved Jane more than anything. So if loving her meant saying goodbye, then Ocean would watch her leave until she couldn’t see her anymore. Ocean felt tears beginning to pool in her eyes; she blinked them away, lest Jane see.
It was a while before they went back to the others.
~~~
Leading her by the hand, Ocean gently pulled Jane back to the portal. The rest of the choir had sat down either on the ground or whatever they could find. The moment they saw Jane and Ocean, they all jumped up and hurried over (except for Ricky, who had to stand slowly to adjust on his crutches). They started gathering around the two, concern written on their faces. Ocean could tell that this sudden crowding was making Jane anxious, so she motioned for the others to give her space.
Turning to Jane, she leaned close to her.
“You ready?”, Ocean murmured into her ear. Jane nodded, but she tightened her grip on Ocean’s hand.
“It’s ok if you’re not, you know”, Ocean whispered, using her other hand to gently relax Jane’s deathgrip.
Ocean suddenly felt herself stumbling backwards; to her surprise, Jane had practically launched herself into Ocean, trapping her in a bear hug. In front of the others, no less. Ocean felt herself turning redder than her hair. Not wanting the others to see, she quickly returned the gesture, burying her face into Jane’s shoulder.
“I don’t want to leave”, Jane whispered.
“I want you to stay with me”, Ocean wanted to scream. She chose to keep that one to herself, opting instead to whisper back,
“I know. But you have to.” She felt her heart split in two. Jane only held her tighter. Ocean pulled away, offering Jane a soft smile. Seeing Jane’s face made her want to weep; she had never seen such a miserable expression.
“Come on”, Ocean said, “Just follow my lead. I’ll hold your hand until you’re ready to go.” Jane nodded at this, instantly grabbing Ocean’s hand. Ocean could feel the eyes of the other choir members burning through them, unsure of what to do or say, if anything at all.
They watched as Ocean and Jane approached the portal. Ocean stopped a yard or so away from it. She couldn’t get any closer. Jane barely noticed; once again, she was entranced by the softly glowing gateway, completely fixated on something beyond that the others couldn’t see. She continued stepping slowly towards it, leaving Ocean behind.
“So this is it, then”, Ocean thought. Her hands were shaking. “No goodbyes. No looking back. Just watch her leave and don’t-”
For the third time, Ocean was cut off by Jane. This time, however, was beyond anything Ocean could have possibly dreamed of. In an instant, Jane spun around, practically lunged at Ocean, and kissed her, holding her head with both hands. Ocean’s heart was racing so fast that she feared it would launch out of her throat if she opened her mouth. Fortunately, this was prevented by the fact that her lips were very much shut, thanks to Jane.
Ocean could hear Noel sputtering somewhere behind them, along with some other hushed commotion. This time, however, she couldn’t care less. Wrapping her arms around Jane’s waist, she returned the kiss, closing her eyes. It was just the two of them now; nothing else mattered, nothing else existed. There was no other sound than the song of their hearts, there was no other feeling than each other’s warmth.
Finally, Jane pulled back, leaving Ocean in the cold. She ran her hand along Ocean’s jaw as she left, her hand trailing behind her. As she was leaving, Ocean noticed Jane was crying, yet smiling all the same. Jane didn’t look back this time. Before they knew it, she was gone. The portal glowed in pink and yellow hues before winking out.
Only then did Ocean move. She fell to her knees, sobbing, holding her head in her hands. She had no idea how to feel. Two truths clashed in her mind at once; “She kissed me, she loves me, I love her” and “She’s gone, she’s gone, you lost her forever.” She was helpless. There was nothing she could do but hold herself and shake. Her tears dotted the concrete floor below her.
Its purpose now served, limbo started plunging into endless nothingness. Lights blinked off as the plane dissolved before them.
It was wordless.
It was painless.
It was calm.
The only remaining noise was Ocean’s heaving sobs, which now echoed endlessly in the darkness. The only thing left to do was wait.
~~~Epilogue~~~
She stirred in the soft grass slowly, the evening dew kissing her skin. It was too bright for her to open her eyes just yet. She heard her heartbeat echoing endlessly. It was oddly peaceful. She tried to get up, but found she couldn’t. Her whole body felt slightly numb. Again, she tried to get up, with some success this time. Despite some slight discomfort, she managed to sit, holding herself up with her arms. Finally she opened her eyes.
Her gaze was met with destruction. She was hit with the smell of smoke, which stung her eyes. She also became aware of an insistent ringing in her ears. She could hear distant yelling and screaming. An overturned roller coaster cart, the side reading “The Cyclone”, rested a few feet away from her. She remembered now; she had gotten on the ride with four? Five others? She paused. She couldn’t remember. She did, however, remembering that weightless feeling, the thrill of something so terrifying yet so strangely beautiful. Shaking that off, she continued to let her gaze travel along the wreckage. Various bodies and parts were barely visible among the smoldering wreckage. Small patches of blood colored the cart and the grass. She felt sick, but not just because of the scene before her. She hated how the bodies in the debris were so familiar, yet unknown.
Her eyes finally settled on the body pinned beneath the cart; a pale hand, the top of a head with flaming ginger hair. She was hit with fragments of light, sound, and touch; memory. Whoever that girl was, she was important somehow. She felt her heart ache, but she couldn’t tell why. Unbeknownst to her, tears began making their way down her face. She felt a hand gently rest on her shoulder. She reflexively went to hold it, but was met with nothing. At a loss, she chose to hug her knees and wait.
A very real hand grabbed her shoulder suddenly. Someone was shaking her, asking if she was ok, asking what her name was.
Her name. Her name? She didn’t know how to answer that. The first name that came to mind was Jane, which didn’t feel right at all. Savannah also crossed her mind, which didn’t feel right either. She realized she didn’t actually know her name. She didn’t know anything about herself. Panic began to set in.
Her scream pierced the smoke-filled air.