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“Watson, I really must insist you discontinue your ministrations at once.”
“I cannot help it, Holmes. It’s… enjoyable,” I said, biting my lip so as not to allow the hilarity of the situation to overwhelm me, for there would be no living with the detective after this if I added another slight to his pride in the form of uncontrollable convulsions of laughter at his plight. And it was only made worse by the sour expression he wore, when anyone else might have found it a pleasurable experience.
“Surely, a medical man can control his baser urges,” he snapped, sliding further towards the carriage window, so that his face was nearly pressed against the glass in his useless bid to escape.
“I would hardly call it that.”
“Well, it is having a most inconvenient effect.”
“I deduced that.” I scarcely got the words out before an uncouth noise escaped my lips.
“It would be better if you stopped squirming so.”
“Do keep from sharing such scintillating observations, Lestrade.”
Holmes crossed his arms like a petulant child, then yelped in the manner of a damsel in distress when a tongue infiltrated his ear.
Lestrade attempted to hide a snigger into his handkerchief in the guise of a sneeze; and failed miserably.
“Watson!” my companion ejaculated, half out of his seat and shaking a warning finger at me. “If you do not cease scratching that flea-ridden mongrel on its hindmost regions, I shall -”
“Yes, Holmes?”
“I shall find sanctuary in another compartment!”
It could not be helped. Lestrade and I burst into peals of side-splitting laughter as Sherlock Holmes fumed over the unwanted attentions of Millie, the scruffy, rather sorry looking mix of several hound breeds and some type of wire coated terrier besides, who expressed her approval at my stroking her fur by lavishing him with sloppy kisses.
“You make too much of a trifle,” I chuckled when the worst of the fits had subsided.
Holmes sniffed, gathering what remained of his dignity as he sat back down beside me with a sideways glance at the dog. She wagged her tail with a furour untold at his murderous scowl.
“This, Watson,” he admonished me with an earnestness that went no little way in rejuvenating my humour, “is what comes of taking on a female in this investigation.”
The floodgates of my self-control spilled over at last, and in the ensuing uproar of amusement that prompted a passing conductor to peer into our compartment and thrice tap his temple with an index finger before passing on, Millie once again expressed her delight in the only way she knew how.