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Aemond looks at his reflection in the still water of the puddle. The scar is an ugly ting. Maesters say it will get better once the swelling recedes, he doubts it. At the end of the ordeal, he will be left with a hole where his eye should be and a gash across his face, he will probably scare anyone who looked at him. He traces the scar on his reflection, disturbing the stillness of the water, making his image yet more distorted.
The first time he flew on dragonback with his siblings, Aegon said the scar suited him, that way he could be as ugly as his dragon. Aemond had tried to retort, but Vhagar beat him to it. She snapped her enormous maw in Sunfyre and Aegon’s direction – she could’ve easily swallowed the golden beast whole – both dragon and rider shrieked in fear and Aemond felt a rush of affection towards his mount. Then he heard another sound, it was his sister’s laugh. Helaena was laughing in earnest while Dreamfyre calmly gilded across the clouds, unbothered by Vhagar’s threat. Aemond had looked in her direction and had found her looking back at him, he had sat a little straighter on the saddle.
Aemond doesn’t particularly care about what others think of him, he still has to get used to others paying attention to him at all. His grandsire had hardly spoken a word to him before he claimed Vhagar and now he suddenly finds himself the centre of his attentions and interest. Aemond doesn’t dislike it but doesn’t necessarily like it either. Part of him always wished to be noticed, by his grandsire, by the lords and knights of the realm, yet now that he had their attention, he finds he has little care for their thoughts and words. They eat up too much of his time, time he’d rather spend with Vhagar or Helaena.
Aegon always mocked him for spending the majority of his time with his mother and sister or in the library. Right after he lost his eye Aegon had patted his shoulder and reassured him that nothing would change for him, since he already kept company only with women and books like all cripples did. Aemond had briefly thought of Lord Larys Strong, a cripple though he was, he had always made the hair on the back his neck stand on end, and Aemond had sworn to himself he too would one day instil the same feeling in his brother.
He smiles bitterly as he realises that he is giving more weight to his brother’s puerile taunts than to the praises he has for so long strived for. He stands up and turns away from the pond he has been playing with to walk back towards his dragon, who was dozing on the grass behind him. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees a figure sitting with her back resting against Vhagar’s side.
“You’ve wandered far, brother.” Helaena says and her tone is light, a small smile playing on her lips.
“We’re not that far from the keep, you wouldn’t have been able to reach here on foot otherwise.” He replies.
“It’s not your feet that wandered but your mind.” She hums as she gently pats Vhagar’s hide.
Aemond pays little mind to her words, busy eyeing his dragon warily. Vhagar wasn’t fond of human company aside from himself, and while he knew she wouldn’t outright attack a member of his family she was big enough to inadvertently cause harm by just moving away.
“You shouldn’t approach her; she is a bit grumpy.” He decides to voice his concerns, he has little care for anyone who might get injured by Vhagar if they got too close to her for her comfort, but Helaena is different. She is the only one who still looks at him as though nothing changed, as though his face hadn’t been hacked open. She’s the only one whose opinion he cares about.
“Oh, but I asked permission, of course! She said I could stay!” Helaena exclaims excitedly, still patting the dragon.
Aemond tilts his head, “she said that?” He asks, looking perplexedly between his sister and his dragon, who truly doesn’t seem to mind her proximity. Helaena nods, then picks herself up and saunters up to him. When they meet halfway, she takes both his hands in hers and leans in to kiss his cheek, the one marred by the scar.
“Prince of sapphire, rider of greed. Our branches mingle and of flowers we make three.”
Aemond doesn’t try to make sense of her words, too focused on the tingling on his cheek where she kissed him, and the feeling of her fingers intertwined with his.
“Do you want to fly?” He asks on a whim, she had taken him to fly on Dreamfyre when he still had no dragon of his own, it was only fair he returned the favour.
“It would be lovely.” She says, still smiling. Always smiling when she is with him. He tightens his grip around her hands and leads her back towards Vhagar, who had opened her eyes to look at them, she stretches out her wings, blocking out the sun above them for a moment. Helaena looks up with wonder in her eyes, and Aemond can’t help but feel pride swell in his chest.
Helaena likes Vhagar, she’s fascinated by her and through the bond he shares with his dragon he can feel Vhagar likes his sister in return. It’s a rare thing, for both are reclusive creatures, scarcely understood. Aemond smiles as he watches Helaena climb up to reach the saddle with the aid of the many ropes dangling from Vhagar’s back.
Their mother would’ve surely scolded her, for it was surely an unladylike display, but she wasn’t here to see them and Aemond doesn’t plan to tell anyone about these stolen moments he spends with his sister.
He climbs up after her and settles behind her, circling her middle with his arms to take the ropes that serve as reigns and spurs Vhagar into motion.
“Sovés Vhagar, paez!”
He hears Helaena giggle over the booming sound of Vhagar’s steps as she prepares to take flight, “you don’t need to tell her to go slow for me,” she says as she leans back against his chest, “I tell you Dreamfyre can fly faster than any other dragon.”
He can’t help but smile, the movement pulls at the scar tissue on his cheek, and he realises he hasn’t truly smiled since the incident.
“You should bring her next time, we should race and see whose dragon is faster.” He speaks directly in her ear to be heard over the sound of the wind, before urging Vhagar to go faster.
“I will.”
The wind stings the sensitive skin of his face and makes his scar itch, but he can’t stop smiling.
Aemond has been dreading this day since he was old enough to understand what Helaena and Aegon’s betrothal meant. It’s not only dread he feels though, it’s anger, envy, resentment and so much more. As he marches towards his brother’s chambers, he does consider fratricide for a brief moment, it would greatly improve his current mood if not his life in the long term. He discards the thought before asking the guards to let him in – least he acts upon it.
The sight that greets him when he enters is pathetic enough to make his anger wane, if only a little.
Aegon is sitting on the floor, visibly drunk and with his clothes askew. And he is crying.
Aemond tries to ignore that last detail.
“Brother?” He begins and Aegon lifts his head to look at him with bloodshot eyes, as though he just noticed his presence, “you must prepare, the wedding ceremony starts in an hour. Make yourself presentable.” He says, tone flat – the words taste stale in his mouth.
He’d much rather be with Helaena, holding her hands and kissing her one last time before she is wed to the wrong brother.
Aegon doesn’t move from where he’s sitting on the floor like a beggar, so Aemond grabs him none too gently by his forearms and hauls him on his feet. Aegon shoves at him and leans his back against the wall for support before letting out a dry chuckle.
“You hate me, but I don’t want this. I don’t want to get married, I don’t want her. I’ve never asked for any of this.”
Aemond isn’t sure whether his brother is taunting him or not, but his words make his blood boil nonetheless.
“You’re just an ungrateful cu-”
“I told mother she made a mistake. I told her she should’ve betrothed her to you, but she wouldn’t listen.”
Aemond gritted his teeth, he was fairly sure his brother was being sincere in his stupor, but that doesn’t change the fact that his words were like salt poured into an open wound.
“You once told me you would do your duty if only mother had betrothed you two, but it’s more than that isn’t it? You love her.” Aegon continues and the thought of fratricide comes rearing back to the front of Aemond’s mind.
“She loves you too. I mean she likes insects ad all sorts of weird things, no wonder she’s into you.” Aegon’s chuckles and Aemond doesn’t know what to feel anymore, let alone what to say. He smiles tightly at his brother’s words.
It doesn’t matter anyway because nothing he’ll say can change the fact that he has to drag Aegon out of this room so that he could get married to the woman he loves.
“I haven’t been a good brother for you, neither of you. I can’t change the order of things, but I’m good at disregarding it. Tonight, after the banquet come to our chambers, perform your – or rather my – duties. And the night after too and whenever you like. Be her husband in everything but name.”
Aemond stares at his brother in disbelief and wonders briefly if this is all one cruel joke. “Have you gone mad? What about your heirs?”
“You see to that. You know you’ll make a better father than me. Helaena already told me she will have three kids with you.” Aegon chuckles again, seeming to find the entire ordeal quite funny.
“They’d be bastards.” Aemond states, stoic despite the turmoil in his chest.
“I have no problem with that, and neither does she – we don’t share your and mother’s obsession for legitimacy and what not. Plus no one would be able to tell whether the children are mine or yours, they’d be pure Targaryens one way or the other.” His brother shrugs and finally pushes himself off the wall.
Aemond stares as his brother rights his clothes and straightens his back.
“So, what do you say little brother? Do we have a deal?” Aegon pats him on his shoulder as he passes him, Aemond stands still for a handful of seconds, still trying to digest what he just heard. He would not lie to himself and say he had never thought of taking Helaena as lover behind his brother back, but one thing is considering a thought, and another is acting upon it.
Now he was just offered a third option, and he’s not quite sure what to do with it. Then he thinks of Helaena, all the time they spent together – alone or with their dragons – and he knows he will make treasure of this opportunity.
He looks at his brother and nods, for once the smile they exchange is genuine.
“Congratulations are in order, brother. Twins! Who would’ve thought.” Aegon pats his shoulder as they both watch Helaena cradle her new born babes.
“Lower you voice!” Aemond hisses, he knew this was one of the rare occasions in which his brother was not mocking him nor trying to rile him up, but Aemond caught their mother looking at them carefully several times already, as though she expected to see something out of place. His presence there was already a stretch to what would be generally considered proper.
“Thank you,” he says then, because he is proud of being the father of Helaena’s children, and because he knows that his brother agreeing to let them be together and even covering for them is what made it possible.
“No, thank you.” Aegon sniggers, “now mother will hopefully stop breathing down my neck, I mean – twins!”
Aemond shakes his head, “we have to be careful; our mother is not blind, and she’s been watching us closely.”
“I bet she has, she must be terrified – imagine if after all she spewed against our sister Rhaenyra and her strong boys, she finds out that her ever dutiful son fathered bastards with her sweet daughter, leaving the son she wants on the throne with no legitimate heirs.” Aegon sneers and Aemond has to refrain from punching him.
How his brother could jest about such matter is beyond him, and the worst thing about it, is that he was right.
Aegon must’ve noticed his thinly veiled anger at his comment, and he elbows him lightly – probably an attempt to dissipate the tension, “I meant no ill with that, I was simply appreciating the irony of the situation. Worry not brother, we are safe remember? – no one would be able to tell whether those kids are mine or yours and even if our mother were to find out she surely won’t tell a living soul about it.”
Aemond relaxes, even if just slightly, he is not used to his brother expressing intelligible thoughts and he isn’t sure he likes it. He cannot disagree, but that doesn’t mean he likes how lightly Aegon treats the whole matter. He is about to voice his concerns, hoping his brother would collaborate and act like an adult for once, but his mother’s voice stops him before he could speak.
“Aegon, come meet your son and daughter.” She says as she gently grabs his brother by the elbow as though she didn’t trust him to listen to her words.
Aemond grits his teeth as he watches his brother being dragged by their mother to meet his children. He knew this would happen, but he still finds himself unprepared for the surge of anger he feels towards his brother as he watches him clumsily pick up one of the babes from Helaena. He is about to turn and leave when he hears Aegon call for him.
“Aemond,” his brother looks positively uncomfortable with a wailing baby in his arms, “come meet your new prince and princess.” He invites him and all the anger drains from Aemond’s body just like that. He doesn’t even pay heed to the look their mother gives them at Aegon’s choice of words.
Aegon didn’t say nephews. It was risky but Aemond is grateful.
As soon as he reaches the bed, he meets Helaena’s gaze and he has to dig his nails into his palm to refrain from reaching for her, from leaning down and kiss her and tell her their children are perfect and that he would lay the world at her feet if she only asked.
“Here, this is Jaehaera,” Aegon seems all to eager to pass the babe he’s holding to him and Aemond needn’t be asked twice, he takes his daughter from his brother’s arms and holds her close to his chest and she immediately calms down. “And that is Jaeheaerys.” His brother nods in the direction of the babe Helaena is cradling to her chest. She is looking up at him, her eyes are puffy and exhausted but bright like he had never seen before. She smiles at him, and he can’t do anything but return it.
He has never felt such strong emotions all together, a tremendous roar shatters the quiet atmosphere, and he immediately recognises it as Vhagar’s call, voicing the feelings he cannot express.
He turns to look out of the ample window, but he finds his mother staring intently at him, he hastily turns his back to her and returns his daughter to the care of her mother.
“Aemond, a word?” His mother’s voice stops him before he can leave the room with all the other lords who attended council.
“Is something the matter, mother?” He turns to look at her, his hands folded behind his back.
“No, I – actually yes, there is a matter I wish to discuss with you.” She says and she seems unable to look at him, focusing her gaze rather on the inlays of the table.
Aemond sits on the chair previously occupied by his grandsire and looks up at his mother, who is visibly distressed. He wants to reach out to her, take her hands in his so that she stops wringing her own fingers, but he has a feeling that would not be appreciated.
“Just before the council meeting, I was with Helaena and the children,” Alicent begins, she is pacing and Aemond can’t help but to worry.
“Are they alright?” He asks and his mother looks directly at him for the first time since they’ve been left alone.
“Yes, they are.” She pauses and lowers her gaze again, then she takes a seat in front of him. “Jaehaera said she wanted to fly on her father’s dragon,” she pauses again and Aemond grimaces, “Vhagar.”
Aemond always knew that this conversation was bound to happen, but it still caught him off guard.
“She’s just a little child and Aegon barely shows himself, it’s natural she thinks-”
“It’s not proper Aemond,” his mother interrupts him, “you can’t spend that much time with Aegon’s children, people will start to whisper.”
“So, I’m supposed to just ignore them like he does?”
“They are Aegon’s responsibility, not yours.”
“Aegon disregards all his responsibilities. Am I supposed to let them grow up without a father?”
“You’re not their father!”
Aemond stands up abruptly at those words and Alicent flinches, he immediately relaxes his stance, but he knows it’s too late, his mother is looking at him in a mixture of horror and something akin to resignment but then her features harden again, “say it.”
“What?” He asks, sitting down to face her once again.
“Say that you are not their father. I need to hear you say it.” She says and her tone is harsher than it has ever been with him.
Aemond closes his eye and takes a deep breath. “I can’t. I can’t and you know it, you’ve known for a long time.”
“How could you? This is high treason!” She says and Aemond doesn’t have it in himself to take offense, “do you have any idea of how this jeopardizes Aegon’s position? And what if he finds out? He can demand both you and Helaena and the children to be executed!”
“Aegon knows. He was more than happy to let me perform his marital duties, he’s the one who suggested it in the first place. Let people talk, it’s not like they can prove anything. Those children are true Targaryens, there is no denying it.” He says, matter-of-factly. He tries to appear unbothered, repeating his brother’s words – clinging to them.
“Haven’t you thought of Helaena’s honour?” She murmurs, covering her face with her hands and Aemond can’t contain a scoff, “you care more about her honour than her happiness? You would rather see your daughter bare the children of a man she doesn’t want than have her forsake honour for love?”
“Love! Of all people Aemond, I thought you would understand this is no place for love, she had a duty towards the realm, a role to play – and that role requires sacrifice.”
“Just because you accepted your role and sacrificed yourself for it doesn’t mean she must do the same.”
The sound of a slap echoes off the walls of the empty room, Aemond feels his cheek stinging from where his mother’s palm collided with it.
Alicent gasps and immediately retrieves her hand. “I am sorry Aemond, I-”
“No,” he stops her, “I shouldn’t have said that. I am the one who must apologise,” he bows his head, “forgive my words my Queen.”
Aemond feels truly sorry for what he said to his mother, he knows how much of herself she sacrificed for their sake, and it’s because he knows that he doesn’t want Helaena to suffer the same fate – he just wishes his mother had someone who told her she needn’t sacrifice her happiness for her family’s sake.
“Helaena always cried when I held her as a babe, now that she’s a mother herself she flinches away from my touch still. She always shied away from people, except for you.” She smiles and it’s a bitter thing, Aemond feels himself mirroring her expression.
“I knew Aegon was cruel with her, I knew she despised him, and I knew you loved her. I’m sorry Aemond.”
He doesn’t know what to say to that, he wishes he could say there was nothing to apologise for, that he forgave her – none of that would be the truth.
“It doesn’t matter, we may not be married before the Seven, but we swore to each other in the tradition of old Valyria. Our children were born of love, and any tongue that dares to rise against them I shall cut down.”
His mother lowers her gaze and he knows they will never speak of it again.
Aemond finds himself in Helaena’s chambers, he’s not sure how he got there. He’s barely aware of himself, but as she takes his hands in hers, he realises he’s cold.
He’s cold and soaking wet.
A shattering roar ultimately breaks him out of his stupor, he feels Vhagar’s anguish like a pull to his heartstrings but along with that he feels another wave of anger and betrayal. He pulls his hands away from Helaena’s grasp and brings them to his hair. He takes off his eyepatch and tries to dry his face with his still damp hands.
He realises he’s been pacing only when Helaena grabs his wrist and stills him.
She rubs gently at his palm then kisses the back of his hand, rooting him in place, in the present.
“Lucerys is dead. His dragon too. Vhagar killed them.” He whispers, and he can’t bring himself to look at her. “Now only war awaits us.”
There is a beat of silence.
“Vhagar?” She repeats and Aemond grimaces, although he shouldn’t have expected anything else from her.
“I tried to stop her, she didn’t listen to me.”
“Aemond,” Helaena’s tone is soft, and he can barely stand it, he jeopardised their entire family, put their children in danger – another roar, closer this time. Vhagar was flying above the keep. “They feel what we feel, our pain, sadness, fear and anger. Dreamfyre almost destroyed the dragonpit when I was giving birth, I was terrified and in pain and she lashed out because she didn’t know how else to react.” Helaena pauses to take his other hand and kiss it as well. “Dragons understand us better than we understand them, we cannot blame them for being what they are.”
He knows Helaena is right and he is ashamed of himself for putting the blame on Vhagar, his dearest friend. “Part of me did want to kill him,” he finally admits, “but I knew what it would mean, and I didn’t-” He dares to look at his sister – really look at her – for the first time since he entered the room, and he immediately wants to hide from the sadness in her eyes. Anger he could’ve abided but he found none, only grief.
His clothes are still dripping but she doesn’t seem to mind as she draws him in a hug and rests her face against his shoulder. He winds his arms around her and holds her tight to his chest.
“The pieces are on the board, king and queen will wage war. The first note was sung, the dance begun. Wine will spill, rats will sing. The bottomless eye of God now open. A fall from sky with no grace will close it. Naught but a dancer without her feet, I shall fly too, but without wings.” She murmurs and a terrible sense of foreboding hits him like a knife to the chest.
Vhagar roars again, her growing anguish mirroring his own.
“I won’t let anything happen to you or the children. I promise.” He whispers against her hair, and he prays to the old gods and the new that he will be able to keep that promise.
“Take me away brother, even if just for a moment let us leave this cursed land behind and fly away.”
He doesn’t deny her. He wouldn’t be able to. He pulls back, just enough to kiss her, and finds her lips salty with tears – he’s not sure whether hers or his own.
“Come,” he grabs her by the hand and leads her to the passageway they often used to sneak out.
They don’t have much time, soon the news of Lucerys death will reach King’s Landing and he will have to face the consequences of his actions.
They run past the city walls to the hills where he knows they’ll find Vhagar.
The dragon howls meekly when she sees him, and he lets go of Helaena’s hand to properly greet her. He walks closer until he can rest his forehead against Vhagar’s snout.
“Shijetra nyke, ñuha raqiros.” Vhagar pushes her nose further against him making him stumble back, he can’t help the dry laugh that escapes him at the gesture. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry for everything.” As he speaks, he can feel a knot unwinding in his chest; he turns to see Helaena standing beside him and she brings her hand to rest upon his against the side of Vhagar’s muzzle.
Without a word he watches his sister climb to reach the saddle before climbing after her. He sits behind her like he did years before, but this time he doesn’t need words to spur Vhagar to take to the skies. She understands him, knows what he is thinking – what he needs – so he lets go of the ropes and holds Helaena instead as Vhagar takes them higher and higher until the city looks like a tiny dot in the distance.
Reality will crash down upon them once they’ll land, the echo of Helaena prophecy still haunts his mind, but for this brief moment they are free.