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you had always told cyno that it was cruel to break promises. you had smiled at him while saying so, such tender warmth swimming in your eyes as you poked at his cheek teasingly. he catches your wrist in his hands, tangling his fingers with yours as he says, “i promise to be with you forever.”
it’s cruel to break a promise. that to break a promise was to break a friendship, and archons forbid your friendship with cyno breaks.
and yet it does.
it does when he promises that you’ll be okay after you break up. friends to lovers, to friends again, is how he sees the course of your relationship with him. he promises that the two of you can continue on as as friends, that just because the two of you aren’t together romantically, it doesn’t mean you couldn’t be together platonically. it was his job, his position as general mahamatra that kept pulling him away from you. so, according to cyno, to save you both from future heartbreak, it would be best to end things earlier. it would be the more rational decision.
i can’t commit myself to you fully, yet.
it would be unfair of me to expect you to wait for me forever.
looking back, cyno thinks that spending too much time around al-haitham had led him to that decision. because now, why is it that he can’t even catch you for a moment. he sees glimpses of you in sumeru, your face a blur in the crowd as he chases after you, always a step behind, chasing after your shadow. it doesn’t take a genius to know you’re avoiding him.
“you can’t blame them.” tighnari stares at him as he leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. the general mahamatra sits slumped in his chair, hands limp in his lap as he casts his friend a dry look.
tighnari sighs, “they really loved you. you know that right?” cyno looks away. he knows. archons, of course he knows. you had put your heart into his hands, asking him to cradle it gently, to never squeeze too tight or let it fall and where is it now? bleeding in his hands, a result of a selfish decision that he’s slowly coming to realize is more harmful to the both of you than he thought it could be. you, who had snuck your way into his life, filling every little lonely crevice until he eagerly looked forward to seeing you everyday. and now it was like you had disappeared. how was it that you could pull yourself out of his life so quickly, leaving him grasping at shadows he can never hold, clinging to the ghost of you as he walks through the streets, his gaze lingering a second too long at the places he had marked as special, because of you.
“they need time and space.” tighnari continues, “it’s the least you can do.” cyno hates that he’s right. he hates that the last time he saw you was three days ago, trailing behind the traveller and nilou as they walked through the market. your smile was more forced, the light not quite meeting your eyes as your gaze wandered around sumeru city.
and of course, you met his eyes.
cyno remembers the way your mouth parted before you had turned away so quickly, wrapped one arm around nilou as pulling her away. there was a new quickness to your step, filled with haste and the unwant to be in his presence.
“some promises can’t be kept.” the forest watcher says grimly. cyno’s chest tightens at his words. he’s right of course, in reality, some promises can’t be kept. but archons he can’t let this promise break. he’s already pushed you out of his life and yet he selfishly wishes for you to stay in it.
———
it takes more time than he’d like to admit, for cyno to stop chasing after your shadow. admittedly, he still does make some attempts to look out for you, spending a bit more time roaming around sumeru city to mingle with people now that the political landscape of the nation was changing with the reinstatement of their archon. but the more time he spends talking with tighnari, the more he comes to realize that this unhealthy behaviour of trying to retain a friendship you clearly had no interest in upholding, was affecting him for the worse. and then he sees you again.
he sees you again, walking next to al-haitham of all people, a gentle smile across your face as the two of you walk slowly through the streets. you’re not romantically involved with the scribe. al-haitham’s stupid personality (as cyno likes to describe it) is enough to make clear to anyone that he’s not interested in romances at the moment. but that doesn’t mean his chest doesn’t twist when he sees you laugh at something the scribe has said. and as if you could sense his presence, you turn your head.
and of course, you meet his eyes.
he lets out a shaky breath, holding your gaze as he takes you in for the first time in awhile. but you’re the first to pull away. he’s close enough to see it in you eyes, the memories that surge forward to pool in your eyes. al-haitham catches notice of your gaze and turns to meet the eyes of the general mahamatra. they hold each other at stalemate, and cyno fights the ugly feelings that bubble in his chest. al-haitham puts one hand on your lower back, steering you away and cyno inhales sharply.
there’s a conversation to be had between the two of you. closure is necessary. this precarious dance that the two of you have engaged one another is tearing at the tightrope that you’re both on, and yet cyno’s dreading it. he doesn’t want to hear the words—
“i don’t think we can be friends anymore.”
right.
it was cruel to break promises.
so why did he break his first?