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November 5, 2020…
“Cas is gone.” Dean had said.
What he didn’t say was how he sat in that room for what felt like hours — too stunned to even think of answering Sam’s call and too broken to move — feeling more alone in the world than he realized they truly were. He didn’t say that after the buzzing of his phone finally subsided, when he was left in complete silence, he filled the void with his screams. That he screamed hate filled words — words he knew were all lies — because he had to make himself feel angry, or he might slip and let himself see the truth.
And the truth was Cas loved him… and the truth was Cas was gone… and the truth was he loved Cas, too… and the truth was it was too late.
Dean reared his hand back and punched the wall where the empty had emerged from over, and over, and over again. Each one weaker than the last. Though, in reality none of the hits had packed much power and he barely felt any pain in his knuckles from the attack. He did, however, feel it in his chest. Each time his hand met the concrete was a blow to his heart, because even if he could muster up the strength to break straight through the wall, Cas would still — have given a one sided love confession… never knowing what Dean’s response might be — be gone.
And that hurt more than any pain he had ever felt in his life.
♾
Dean rarely had rough days. Not anymore, anyway. Not since Jack took over as God. Not since Cas was returned from the Empty and Dean finally was able to give him an “I love you” back. Not since Cas had to leave (again) to help Jack fix the mess Chuck left behind, ultimately making the heavens and the earth a much better place. Not since retiring and learning to relax and really enjoy his life.
November fourth had been a rough day. One of the worst he felt like he’d had in a long time. To add insult to the injury of it being the day before his wedding, Dean couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was making the day bad. All the last-minute details had been worked out, the cake had arrived on time, and even his fear of letting Garth pick up the impala and drive it down to them proved in vain as it made it with not a single scratch (to even Garth’s surprise).
All the guests arrived in Florida and were checked into their hotels, and with the surprise of Rowena’s updated plus one being Gabriel coming out on Halloween, no other surprise guests seemed to be showing up.
To be clear, it couldn’t have been a better scenario for a perfect wedding.
Yet Dean’s stomach had twisted and turned so much he was sure it must be tied into an Eldridge knot. Obviously he had no intentions on telling anyone, especially Cas, to cause — what was surely him ridiculously overreacting — stress on their big day. So he pushed it down and worried in silence.
November 5, 2022 (about two seconds before midnight)
Dean hadn’t slept more than — maybe — an hour, and he was so lost in thought he nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone vibrated loudly on the table — an alarm he’d had set for months now.
Turning it off, he sighed; the slightest of smiles curving up at the corners of his lips. He leaned over Cas’ body, taking in how his features were softened in sleep. He looked like — well he looked like an Angel. Dean laughed at the thought, and kissed his cheek, causing Cas to stir. “I love you.” Dean whispered.
“Mmm… Iloveyoutoo .” Came the barely conscious response. Dean had hoped Cas would return the statement and fall back asleep, but in true Cas fashion, the extremely early morning declaration came with the angel blinking his eyes open and turning to look at his soon to be husband. “Are you ok, Dean?”
“Me?” Dean shifted, moving back to his side of the bed while Cas sat up and met his eyes. The angel gave him that look — the one he always gave when he knew Dean was lying, or avoiding a heavy conversation — and nodded. “Yeah, I — I’m fine. Peachy. I just — I wanted to tell you I love you. Because… I do… love you, I mean.”
Cas squinted his eyes, studying the man beside him. “Well… if you say so.” He finally said, and settled himself back into the mattress. Dean let out a sigh — as quiet as he could — of relief; and if Cas heard, he didn’t say anything. He did however look up at Dean, still sitting rigidly on his side of the bed. “Are you going back to sleep?”
“Uh, yeah — yeah, uh — of course.”
Cas took Dean’s hand, tugging gently and guiding him so he was laying next to him. Dean twisted and adjusted every inch of his body until he was flush to Cas’, and he was cocooned in the Angel’s arms, where it was entirely too easy to forget his worries and finally sleep.
♾
6:50 AM
Cas was stuck, Dean still draped over him like a blanket (a heavily weighted blanket). Eileen and Donna — who had been the ones to wake him up so they could start their preparations with him for the wedding — watched helplessly as the angel wiggled around trying to get from under Dean.
“I love you.” Dean whispered, his voice deep and groggy from sleep, as he blinked his eyes open.
“I love you, too.” Cas smiled and pulled Dean in for a kiss, before getting out of the bed.
“Where are you going?” Dean asked, with a pout.
“I’m getting ready.” Cas replied. “Which, you should probably prepare to be wrangled as well, I heard Claire ask Sam if you were up yet.” Dean figured he must have been making a face — because Cas furrowed his brow, giving him a worried look — so he forced a smile and stretched, and yawned, and hopped out of the bed.
“Let’s do this!” He said cheerfully as he walked past Cas and out of the room.
♾
8 AM
Dean : The amount of hair products this moose owns, and is trying to put in my hair, is ridiculous. Also I love you 😘
Cas : 🥰 I love you too, Dean.
♾
9 AM
“Uh hey Cas, it’s Dean. I’m waiting for Claire and Jody to come down so we can go grab some grub to hold us over until dinner. Gonna be our first dinner as married men. Heh. That’s — Uh — that’s crazy to think about. We’re about to be married. To each other. In like… three hours. Uh — yeah — well, call me back when you get this… oh and I — I love you, bye.”
♾
10 AM
“Dean…” Sam sighed as Dean’s Hawaiian printed shirt was tossed over his head. He pulled it off and rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna get your clothes wrinkled.”
“I’m telling you Sam, I felt that damn spider crawling on me!” Dean said, shaking his plastered-in-place hair, while slapping at his arms and legs. “Last thing I need is a spider bite to ruin the wedding.” He looked up at Sam, who looked… confused. “Can you — Uh — go check on Cas?”
“Why?”
“Make sure the spider didn’t catch a ride on his clothes… and Uh — tell him that I — Uh — tell him I said I love him…”
♾
11 AM
Dean paced back and forth on the pier. His stomach was busy turning cartwheels, and he was sure he would be hugging one of the many disgusting trash cans nearby any minute. He took a few deep breaths hoping they would work to calm his nerves enough that he could get back down to the beautiful altar all the girls made for them, with Sam, Jack and Gabriel, but then Claire informed him Cas was loaded in the rental car and on the way.
“Oh… great! That’s really gre— It’s — it’s a little hot, isn’t it?” Dean said, already panting. “I’m really hot...”
Claire looked at him, semi-worried. “Uh — actually, it’s pretty cool today. Gonna be in the mid to low 70s and even the humidity is low.”
“Really?” Dean gasped, a sheet of sweat beginning to form across his brow. He fanned himself and tried to not over worry about the heat apparently only he felt, or the fact that if he didn’t cool himself down he was going to have sweat stains in their wedding photos, or that his throat might dry out from the heat and he won’t be able to recite his vows, so Cas will think he doesn’t mean them… and that he doesn’t love him… and then the whole wedding will be ruined, just like he knew would happen… and—
“Dude, are you ok?” Claire asked.
“I—” Dean felt light headed, and the beach was spinning. “I need — I need some fresh air.”
“Well, you should be getting plenty of that… ‘cause ya know… we’re outside.” She deadpanned.
“Heh. Yeah, I guess we are, aren't we…” Dean laughed, wiping the sweat of his palms onto his pants, which left a mark. “Shit.” He cursed under his breath and looked around. There were so many people — thank Jack not looking in his direction — and he was honestly shocked he knew so many people willing to come to his wedding. “It’s— it’s really hot.”
“Dean…” He took a step back, almost defensively, when Claire stepped towards him. “Hey… it’s ok. You’re allowed to be nervous, you know, it’s a pretty big day… especially for you.”
“I’m n- not nervous.” Dean said with the weakest attempt at a laugh. “I’m — I’m just — shit…” His head snapped towards the sound of a car approaching, his heart leaping into his throat. It wasn’t Cas. But it could have been. He felt his face begin tingling, and his limbs go numb. “I — I can’t…”
“Dean.” Claire said softly, much softer than the angsty girl has ever spoken to him before. “It’s ok.”
“Is it?”
“It is. Look around, dude. Everything’s perfect.”
Dean scoffed, and there was a little voice in the back of his head that was agreeing with her, but he ignored it, too. “It is, now. What about in ten minutes? Or when the wedding starts. Or when we’re on the honeymoon? Or our one year anniversary… or five… or ten. I just — I can’t do this.” Claire’s eyes widened, and she took another step towards Dean, gently reaching out a hand to him, to which he flinched away. “I can’t do this to him.”
“What does that mean?” Claire asked, and was answered by Dean turning the opposite way and literally fleeing away from her. “Dean! You know this will hurt a lot worse than whatever you’re thinking is gonna happen!”
I highly doubt that. Dean thought as he rounded a corner and (finally) every reminder of the day was out of sight.
♾
November 12, 2020
Dean paced back and forth through the map room. When having Sam’s pity-filled eyes on him became too much, he took his pacing to his room. When his room began to feel too small, he moved down into the dungeon. Somehow — even though he had been avoiding it like the plague — he ended up in that room.
The air just felt heavier in there, much like it had last time he was locked within the gray concrete walls. He gently clicked the door shut, instantly greeted with the bloody warding, and felt his heart seize. This may have been a bad idea, he thought.
It wasn’t long before his nerves and the weight of the situation had him pacing once more. Now in a much more specific pattern. From the door where Cas drew out the sigil to fight off Billie’s attack on him, to the table where he stood gasping for air until he could finally breathe again. He moved to the spot where he stood facing a teary eyed Cas as the angel poured his heart into his last speech, ending with three words that had echoed in the back of Dean’s head ever since. From there he walked to the wall Cas shoved him against, collapsing onto it from the weight of the memory of the empty emerging from the wall, and in a split second swallowing both Cas and Billie up.
“I love you.” Cas had said, and somehow Dean knew — he knew exactly how he meant it. Of course he knew. But there wasn’t enough time — there probably would have never been enough time for the hunter’s brain to register all of what had been said to him — before Cas was gone.
“Cas is gone.” Dean had said. His already broken heart somehow shattering further at seeing Jack’s face fall with the realization.
“I’m bringing him back.” Jack had said mere moments after informing them he was technically now god, and then he was gone. Sam and Dean stared at the spot where the kid had been standing trying to piece together what that exactly meant.
“He’ll be ok Dean.” Sam had said when the panic began to set in.
“Will he?” Dean wasn’t so sure, and the sigh Sam gave, instead of an actual response, said he felt the same.
“Jack — He’s — he’s strong, man. You just have to, I don’t know, have a little faith.”
Dean scoffed from where he was curled around himself on the floor. Faith . When had that ever done them any good?
The doorknob turned and Dean buried his face in his arms, not wanting to deal with Sam and his insistence to be positive in a situation with such a low probability of working out. The door pushed open and he heard Sam step into the room, before closing the door back shut.
“Dude — look — I’m just not…”
Dean lifted his head, and gasped as his eyes met with the familiar droopy pools of blue. The eyes he never thought he would see again.
“Hello Dean.”
♾
November 5th 2022 (about ten minutes til I Do)
His shirt felt too tight, and his pants felt too tight, and his tie — well it was surely restricting his breathing, he thought as he fought with the knot to loosen it. “Who’s idea was it even to wear ties with Hawaiian shirts?” He mumbled under his breath.
“I believe it was yours, Dean.”
If the hunter’s heart wasn’t pounding in his chest before (Although it definitely was) it was about to beat its way out of his chest after hearing Cas’ voice. “Cas!?” Dean sputtered, spinning to face the angel with a look stuck somewhere between surprise and horror. “What are — how did — who told you…”
“I saw you fleeing the venue.” Cas said, a soft smile crossed his lips — a smile Dean felt seemed way too understanding given the situation. “You know…” the angel continued. “Usually This is done the other way around.” He reached out and began adjusting Dean’s tie so it was in place, just not too tight. Dean couldn’t help but laugh and suddenly it was like a load was being lifted off his chest. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“What? No.” Dean quickly looked away from his angel's eyes, because was he having second thoughts? No. He was just worried… Why was he worried?
Why was he worried?
“Of all days I could have chosen… I chose the day you were taken from me. After you had just — What if I jinxed it. Us. What if I’m not a good husband. What if…”
Dean was cut off by hands on either side of his face and lips pressed gently against his own.
“I don’t believe you chose the wrong day. In fact I think…” Cas puckered his face, thinking, then smiled. “It’s kinda like we’re taking a sad song… and making it better.”
“Did you — Cas, did you just quote the Beatles at me.”
“I believe I did.” Cas smirked, proudly.
Dean laughed, relaxing a bit more into the angel’s embrace. “I — I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry, Dean. What you’re feeling is valid. This is a giant step, not just for you as a hunter, but for you as a person who has finally allowed himself to feel beyond what he was taught that he was allowed.” He wiped away the tears that had begun streaking down Dean’s cheeks and replaced them with kisses. “I am incredibly proud of not only the man you have been this whole time, but the man you have become since you broke that heavy chain.”
Dean sniffled, burying his face into the crook of Cas’ neck. “I love you.”
“One hundred and forty six.” Cas said softly, as he pressed another kiss into Dean’s hair. The hunter pulled back and looked at him confused. “That’s how many times you’ve told me you loved me today.”
“Oh.” Dean said, feeling his cheek redden. “I — I just — I didn’t get to say it that day, and I just wanted to make sure I didn’t miss any chance to say it today.”
Cas’ smile widened, deepening the crinkles at his eyes, and lighting up his whole face. “Then say it again.” He whispered.
Dean pulled the angel close, pressing their foreheads together so they were looking right in each other’s eyes. “I love you.”
♾
“Well now that we’re all back…” Gabriel said with a playful side glance to Dean. “And running just a tad bit—” he covered his mouth and coughed out almost an hour. “— behind. We all know how this speech goes. Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to finally unify these two love birds before their pining killed us all. ” Dean and Cas looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “I highly doubt anyone is going to object, and if any of you were actually thinking about it, unless you want to be smote, don’t.” The crowd laughed as Gabriel reached in his pocket for the rings.
“I can’t believe it’s finally happening!!” Claire whispered to Jack excitedly, hooking her arm through his.
“I know!” He replied.
“Now.” Gabriel smiled at his little brother as he handed him Dean’s ring. “I believe the rule is always oldest first, and since you have him beat by a few millennia… Do you, Castiel… Angel of Thursday… Angel who gripped Dean Winchester tight and raised him from perdition… Angel with a crack in his chassis… Angel—”
“Gabe!” Jack and Claire said in unison.
“Tough crowd...” The archangel laughed. “Anywho, moving on… Do you take this devilishly — er, knight of hellishly — handsome Hunter to be your lawfully— ok I don’t know if it’s technically lawful… since you’re an Angel, and don’t even have a social security number… and Dean’s technically dead and/or wanted by the FBI in like every state…”
“Why did we let him do this…” Sam whispered, rubbing his temples.
“Scratch that… Do you take him to be your profoundly bonded husband?”
Cas sighed at his brother, but couldn’t stop the smile that came as he said “I do.”
Of course Gabriel wasn’t quite done. “To have.”
“Yes.”
“To hold.”
“Yes.”
“To be with even on the days he is so emotionally constipated no amount of miralax will unclog him?”
“ Oh my son — Yes, brother. I do.”
“Awww. You really do love him.” Gabriel wiped away a pretend tear — or rather a real one as a second could be seen slipping from his eye immediately after. “Well, go on then. Put a ring on it.”
Castiel rolled his eyes, and lifted Dean’s hand. Dean took in a shaky breath that caught as soon as the cool metal band began to be pushed onto his ring finger.
Gabriel smiled at the two. “And now for the moment I believe we all thought would never happen…” The archangel looked over at Jack and winked, and time — quite literally — froze. “Dean-O, take it away.”
“Thanks Gabe.” Dean said as Gabriel gave him a quick pat on the arm before joining the others, leaving the couple seemingly alone.
Dean took a deep breath and reached for Cas’ left hand, gripping it tight, and running his thumb over the bare space he was about to re-slide the bullet ring. The thought honestly gave him butterflies… and indigestion (He was really about to be married to his best friend).
“Ok so look… I know we agreed on sticking to the traditional — if that’s what you can call what Gabriel just did — vows… and I know that it was my idea because I’m not good with words, or feelings… but I — I just needed to say this… and I really wanted it to be between just me and you…” The confusion on Cas’ face melted away and was replaced with a dopey smile that Dean couldn’t help but smile back at. “Don’t— don’t look at me like that, man… Look, you got your long heartfelt speech two years ago, now it’s my turn.”
There were already tears glistening in Cas’ eyes, and Dean felt a pretty nice sized lump forming in the back of his throat, so he figured he had better just get on with it before he was too choked up to follow through.
“I know this is completely out of character for me… but just… hear me out OK?” Another deep breath, another squeeze of Cas’ soft hands, another second passing he wasn’t pouring his heart out the way he finally wanted to… Dean turned their hands so he could intertwine their fingers and he looked deep into the angel’s eyes. “My whole life I was taught that family came first. It was to be put above anything, and everything, and so… that’s what I did. But I was also taught that family didn’t end in blood, and so with you… I thought… or I guess I rolled with you just being family… but I’ve learned over the many… many… many, many… times I’ve lost you… you are so much more than just family. It’s like you're a part of me… a pretty damn big part… and when you’re gone, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t function… it’s like I’m not even me anymore. I don’t ever want to experience life without you in it again, and I don’t intend to. I just can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. I — I love you, Cas. Cas… Cas?”
Dean didn’t register Jack’s second snap, or the rush of noise as it came flooding back from their surroundings, because he was fairly certain he had broken the angel. That was until he was being tugged forward by Cas’ pulling him but his tie, then smashing their faces together.
“Uh Cas… little bro… you’re skipping ahead a bit.” Gabriel said quietly. “Oh, what’s it matter, you do too , right Dean?” The hunter nodded as best as he could, and threw in a thumbs up for good measure.
“I feel like we missed something.” Claire whispered to an equally confused Sam. Jack just ignored them, with his little smirk, and watched his dads.
“Ok, ok. Save some of that for the honeymoon!“ Gabriel laughed, finally breaking the two apart, and bringing them back to reality. Everyone laughed as Dean readjusted his tie and took Cas’ ring from Gabriel, sliding it slowly back into place. “Well, that’s all she wrote, folks. Dean Winchester is officially off the market. I now pronounce you… and they’re kissing again.” Gabriel sighed as Dean pulled Cas back to him.
♾
Two days later they were saying their farewells to the last of the wedding party.
Jody and Donna hugged them both, congratulating them once more before loading into their taxi for the airport.
“We love you guys.” Sam said, already teary eyed again as he and his little family said goodbye to his brother, and new brother — angel? — in-law.
“Have the best time.” Jack said as he, too, embraced them.
“And don’t do anything too wild.” Claire added. “Remember you are both pretty old.” She laughed at the scowls she received.
They stood out in front of the hotel until all the cars were out of sight, then they headed up to their room.
“What should we do first?” Cas asked once they were inside.
Dean walked over to his suitcase and unzipped it. “Well, we can defy the warnings of our kid…” he said with a devious smirk. “I brought the SSD, the lacy pink underwear and…” He walked over and placed a cowboy hat on Cas’ head. “The perfect finishing touch.”
Cas laughed, and pulled Dean to him. He pulled the hat off and put it on Dean. “How about we be extra wild and this time you be the cowboy, and I wear the panties.” He said, his voice so deep it sent shudders through Dean's body.
“Oh? That does sound exciting.” Dean smiled, leaning into Cas' lips, as they began walking towards their room.
“I love you, Dean.” Cas said breathlessly between kisses and fumbling with clothing.
“And I you, Cas.” Dean happily replied.