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Rolling to his back, Eddie reached a blind hand out for his boyfriend, coming up empty. Opening his eyes, Eddie let them adjust to the darkness, though it was obvious to him Buck wasn’t there. Judging by the cold spot next to him, he hadn’t been for a while.
Sighing, Eddie rolled out of bed, throwing on a pair of sweats before making his way out of their bedroom. The house was quiet, Chris at a sleepover with Denny, no signs of Buck anywhere. Well, the man was everywhere, his things spread all around—it was his physical presence that was missing.
There were a few places he knew he could find Buck, Eddie making his mind up before exiting the house, the summer breeze greeting his bare chest. Making his way across the makeshift bridge and down the path to the store, Eddie spotted the light on, knowing he’d decided correctly.
Eddie let himself into the shop with ease, quickly spotting Buck in the back, going through some of the new stock boxes. Buck’s gaze was focused, something else laced within it.
“Hey, couldn’t sleep?”
Buck looked up to him a little startled, like he hadn’t heard the chime of the front door, Eddie worried for how lost in is head he seemed.
“Yea. Just uh-just thought I’d get a head start on all this,” Buck said with a wave of his hand around to all the boxes.
Eddie nodded as Buck came from around the stack of boxes looking all too adorable. He was only wearing his boxers with a hoodie, the one that had Christopher’s newest design on it. This one was Lilo and Stitch themed, The High Tide logo laced within it. It both made Eddie smile and frown at the same time, knowing Buck had been in such a hurry to keep his mind busy that he’d forgotten to dress properly on his way out. He did look pretty damn adorable though.
Stepping closer to Buck, Eddie wrapped him up from behind, pulling his boyfriend in close. Buck tensed for a moment before letting himself relax, pulling away shortly after. Eddie frowned.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
Buck kept his back to Eddie as he pretended to busy himself with some of the boxes. “Nothing, just-just wanna finish this.”
That was Buck’s denial tone, the one that told Eddie if he pushed too much, Buck would shut down completely.
“Ok, let me help you.”
Buck mumbled a sort of agreement, Eddie taking it as a sign that he wasn’t irritated with his company. They worked in silence for a while, the two passing off things as they went, always working seamlessly together.
When Eddie looked up at one point, Buck had his trusty clipboard in hand—the one that Eddie had had made for him out of a surfboard—pen tucked behind his ear, his tongue poking out as he focused on the task. Eddie couldn’t help but to huff out a laugh, smiling over to him. Buck looked up, a half-smile crossing his face before the frown came back.
Eddie fiddled with the shirt he was folding for a moment before finally setting it aside, beckoning to Buck once more. “Hey, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me, right?”
Buck only gave a nod, not looking up to meet Eddie’s gaze.
“Buck.”
Eddie knew he was pushing, but only a tinge; he wanted Buck to know he was there for him, always.
A heavy sigh fell from those pretty lips of his, the ones Eddie had all but memorized at this point. When Buck still didn’t say anything, Eddie prodded a little more.
“Is your leg bothering you?”
Almost on instinct, Buck reached out to rub at his previously deemed injured leg, the one that was still covered in scars. He shook his head, letting out another weighted breath.
“No, it’s fine. Its—”
Buck trailed off, Eddie waiting for him to go on, not wanting to stall his progress. When what felt like the longest silence had passed, Buck finally went on.
“Tomorrow’s one year. Uh, one year since…”
“Since your leg got crushed,” Eddie supplied, finally filling in the dots. Shit. He should’ve written that date down.
Buck shook his head once before going back to the checklist. Eddie was losing him.
Reaching a hand out, Eddie lifted it until it came under Buck’s chin, lifting the man’s head up. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize that sooner. Do you want to talk about it or anything?”
“It’s fine. I’m—fine. I just, I wanna finish with these boxes.”
Buck walked off with finality, Eddie knowing they were done with the conversation for the night. Even though they’d been together for several months now, there were still things Eddie was learning about Buck, and some things that never seemed to change. Buck hated dealing with his past, hated feeling like a burden, like he couldn’t ever open up and be vulnerable. It was awful he felt that way, Eddie only wanting to pull him closer, though Buck didn’t seem to want that. At least, not right now.
Not wanting to leave him alone, even if that’s what Buck had basically asked, Eddie simply continued to help with the supply orders, the two working together in silence, one that was now laced with tension.
Eddie loved whenever Buck helped him with the store, always wanting to be a part of everything. He just wasn’t so sure he loved Buck using it as an avoidance tactic.
They worked for another good forty-five minutes or so, Eddie all but dead on his feet, Buck looking to be the same even though Eddie knew he would never admit it.
With nothing left to do, Eddie reached for Buck’s hand. “C’mon baby, let’s go home. Get some sleep.”
Buck seemed hesitant to leave, looking around the shop for a beat before those sleepy blues of his landed on Eddie’s outstretched hand, finally taking it in his own. Eddie squeezed a little in reassurance before leading them out, tugging Buck along behind.
After closing up the shop, they walked back up to the house, Eddie grateful when they were both back inside, right where they belonged. Buck didn’t protest as Eddie led them along, simply followed behind, Eddie taking off his sweats once they reached the bedroom. Sliding in on his side, Eddie reached out for Buck, his boyfriend biting at his lip before finally getting in on his side. Buck left his hoodie on, Eddie not minding in the slightest. He loved when their bare chests could press together, nothing between them, but there was something about Buck in a hoodie that just made him look so soft; Eddie adored the hell out of him.
“C’mere,” Eddie said as he pulled Buck in close, the man coming willingly. Buck turned to face Eddie, slipping his head into the space between Eddie’s neck and shoulder, cuddling in close. Eddie placed a kiss over his curls, dragging his fingers through them until he heard Buck’s breathing evening out, Eddie soon following behind him.
~
Before Eddie even fully woke in the morning, he knew that he’d find himself alone. Sighing, Eddie sat up in their bed as he rubbed over his eyes. Again, Eddie knew where his boyfriend would be, his feet automatically walking him out to the balcony where Buck was leaned against the railing, gaze focused out on the water.
Eddie moved to stand next to him, leaving just enough of a gap so their bodies didn’t brush together, wanting to give Buck whatever space it was he desired.
“Morning. You sleep ok?”
Buck shrugged his shoulders in way of answer. He pushed into Eddie’s space, brushing their shoulders together, Eddie taking the win.
They stood leaned together for a few moments, Eddie hating the lingering silence.
“Buck, are you sure you don’t wanna talk about—”
“I need to get ready for work.”
Buck gave him what Eddie guessed was supposed to be a reassuring smile, Eddie not buying it in the slightest as he moved to go after him.
“Are you sure you should work today? I’m sure Bobby would—”
“I said I was fine!”
Yep, there he was; Eddie had officially poked the Buck-bear. He was usually very cuddly and squishy, but every now and again, the guy got a little bristly.
“O-ok. Well, I’m here Buck. Whenever you wanna talk. I’ll be here.”
Buck stopped from his march toward their bedroom, letting a sigh pass his lips before responding.
“I know Eds. I—I know.”
With that, Buck continued on into the bedroom, Eddie staying where he was, heading to the kitchen after a beat. When Buck finally emerged, showered and dressed, he didn’t look much lighter. Eddie knew there was no use in arguing with him, instead handing out a mug filled with his coffee, extra sugary, just how he liked it.
“Thanks.”
Eddie nodded, looking Buck over. There were black bags under his eyes, those blues of his all but swollen and red; he’d definitely been crying, no doubt using the shower to mask it.
“Buck…”
Buck pulled his lower lip in, ducking his gaze away from Eddie.
“I’ll see you later, yea?”
“Yea Buck, I’ll be here.” I’m always here for you…you just have to let me be.
They never left the other without some form of physical touch, Eddie noting the clear debate in Buck’s hesitation. Closing some of the distance, Eddie reached for Buck’s free hand, brushing his fingers over Buck’s knuckles. For a moment, he watched as Buck leaned into the touch, closing those blues of his before pulling away, a strained smile shot Eddie’s way.
With that, he was out the door, Eddie watching as he went. He lasted a couple hours before the house chores stopped helping with his restlessness, Eddie all but pacing a hole in the floor at that point.
Grabbing his keys, Eddie made for the shop, writing a note on the door that he’d make up whatever lessons in the following week. He hated disappointing his clients, but he hated disappointing his boyfriend even more. Buck needed him; whether the man would admit it or not.
~
Eddie had visited Buck and their other friends at the fire station enough times now to drive there on autopilot, taking his truck around the curves of the coast with ease. When he pulled into the lot, he wasn’t sure if he was grateful to see Buck’s jeep there or not. On the one hand, he hadn’t wandered off somewhere, though on the other, this really was the last place he should be today of all days.
Walking in through the big bay doors, Eddie’s eyes darted all around, never not amazed by all the engines and gear. Buck always told Eddie he’d make one badass firefighter. Eddie laughed to himself; maybe in another lifetime. Besides, he wasn’t fully convinced Buck didn’t just want to see him in the suspenders. Buck had brought them home to show off for Eddie once ok it was more than once,) and well, they certainly hadn’t disappointed.
Making his way up the stairs, nodding to the firefighters he didn’t know, Eddie reached the top, spotting three very familiar faces; he’d been hoping for four.
Bobby was in the kitchen, Hen and Chim both sat at the table, no sign of blond curls anywhere.
“Hey guys.”
Hen and Chim looked over to him, smiles instantly crossing their faces as they called out to him in unison. “Eddie!”
After saying their hellos, Bobby came to greet him too, the four of them stood there a little awkwardly after a moment.
“So, what brings you here son?” Bobby asked.
Son. Eddie knew that Bobby treated Buck so much like a son, the man taking Eddie in under his wing now as well.
“Where’s Buck?”
Chimney hitched his thumb down the hall with a pop of his gum.
“In the bunkroom. Kid said he was tired.”
“Yea, he looked like hell this morning,” Hen added a little bleakly.
Eddie sighed. “Yea, that’s what I was afraid of.”
They looked to him with raised brows, Eddie finally filling them in on what day it was.
“Shit, I didn’t even realize,” Chim said, Hen shaking her head with a look of sympathy.
“I did.”
They all looked over to Bobby then, the man letting out a sigh of his own.
“I realized it the other day, but I didn’t want to bring it up in case the kid forgot. I thought maybe he remembered judging by his demeanor today, but he just said he hadn’t slept well.”
“Yea, that’s because he was up half the night organizing the shop.” Eddie waved off their looks. “I tried to talk to him, to get him to stay home, but he’s—”
“Stubborn?” They all said in unison.
Eddie gave a huff of a laugh; he forgot how much his teammates were Buck’s family and just how well they knew him.
Glancing toward the bunk room, Bobby answered his unsaid question.
“Why don’t you go check on him? See how he’s doing.”
With a nod in thanks toward Bobby, Eddie headed in the direction of the bunkrooms, slowly opening the door once he’d reached it. He’d been in there a few times to know where Buck’s bunk was, the dull night lights guiding his way. The light wouldn’t have mattered, Eddie hearing the sniffling, followed by a muffled sob right after.
Eddie went right to Buck, scooping his 6’2’’ boyfriend right into his lap, holding him close. “Hey, it’s ok. I’m here. You’re ok.”
Buck immediately clung to him, sobbing into Eddie as he turned to hide his face in his favorite spot, Eddie’s neck instantly covered in tears. He didn’t mind; as long as Buck was safe, that was all he cared about.
Eddie rubbed over Buck’s back soothingly, holding him close. It was a few minutes when Buck finally settled in Eddie’s hold, sniffling a little before pulling away a tinge.
“Ed-die?”
“I’m here baby. I’m right here.”
“I’m sorry.”
The tears came back right after those words were out, Eddie pulling him impossibly closer.
“Shh, it’s ok. You don’t need to be sorry. I just—I just want you to talk to me. Please.”
Buck nodded into him after a minute, waiting to speak again until he’d calmed his breathing.
“I didn’t think—didn’t think it’d be this hard.”
“Buck, you almost lost your leg because a kid set a bomb and trapped it under a firetruck. Of course the one year anniversary’s going to hit you hard.”
Buck gave a choked off laugh at that, Eddie leaning forward to press a kiss over his birthmark, the one that the scar from the tsunami still cut through, the one he could find even in the darkness.
“I just, I thought I could get through it. That work would—be a distraction.”
“I’ve been worried about you ever since you left.”
“You have?”
Eddie tilted Buck’s head so their eyes met, brown holding blue through the glow of the nightlights.
“I always worry about you when you’re not by my side, and even sometimes when you are.”
Buck huffed out another laugh, moving to rest his chin over Eddie’s shoulder.
“I worry about you too Eds. I-I hate being away from you.”
They stayed silent for a while then, letting the darkness surround them, Eddie rubbing soothing circles over Buck’s back.
“You know, we should um, should go back out there. Before they think we’re doing more than talking.”
Eddie scoffed. “And who’s fault would that be?”
“I told you that you can’t come visit me at work dressed as some hot lifeguard!”
It was one time. One time. Eddie had volunteered to help out when the beach was down a lifeguard one day, and well, Buck hadn’t been able to keep his hands off him. His teammates may or may not have found them in the supply closet in a bit of a compromising position. Oops.
After helping Buck clean his face up a bit in the bathroom, they headed back out to the rest of his teammates, all of them greeting him for a hug, bullying Eddie into the hold as well.
“Sorry guys. I uh, I thought I could handle today.”
“Buck,” Bobby started. “I should be the one who’s apologizing. When I realized what today was, I should’ve made sure you had it off.”
“It’s ok. I uh, I wanted to be with you guys today. You kind of—saved my life that day.”
Hen and Chimney both gave fond eyerolls, the two of them pulling him in for another hug.
“Alright kid, why don’t you take the rest of the day. We’ve got this covered, right guys?”
“Copy that Cap.”
Before Buck could protest, Eddie grabbed for his hand, squeezing it lightly.
“I’ll take good care of him guys.”
They all shared another hug before Eddie whisked Buck away, stopping at his locker to collect his things, Eddie getting a little giddy every time he saw his and Chris’ pictures taped to the inside of it.
“I’ll drive, ok? We can get your jeep tomorrow.”
Buck nodded in agreement, the two of them hopping into the truck, Buck reaching out to take Eddie’s hand in his, linking their fingers together.
“What do you wanna do today?”
Buck took a minute to answer, Eddie backing the truck out and back onto the roadway.
“Well, I was thinking we could—go surfing?”
Eddie turned to him with a raise of his brows.
“You know how to surf?”
“Well, my badass surfer boyfriend kind of taught me a trick or two,” Buck said with a wink thrown Eddie’s way.
There it was, Buck’s real smile, the one Eddie would never get enough of. Like sunsets, every smile of Buck’s was one of a kind; Eddie would watch them all.
“I love you.” At Buck’s words, Eddie turned to him with a smile of his own, Buck adding, “thanks, for coming to get me.”
Bringing their linked fingers up to his mouth, Eddie pressed featherlight kisses to Buck’s knuckles. “I’ll always come get you, love of my life.”
Just as surfing had always been an outlet for Eddie, it became one for Buck too—for both of them. Tragedy was what’d brought them together, both of them learning to heal with the other. Some scars healed more than others, and some might never heal, but together, together they were whole.